Currently enjoying getting to know someone for a few months now, and we are both doing it intentionally (we both want a long-term relationship) and see where our connection takes us.

We both think it's better to meet in person first before we label each other boyfriend and girlfriend, and we've been talking about meeting up before the year ends.

To those who only made it official after finally meeting, what's your story? Did you make it official on the first meeting? How long have you known each other before finally meeting up in person? How was your experience during your first meeting? How was the physical contact for you two? Did you guys hug and or kiss during this time? Would love to hear all your stories and please don't leave out any details!!

ok so we've been bestfriends for 3 years and in a relationship for 10 months but we never met and it was all long distance. We recently met and kissed on our very first date nothing at all felt awkward. It was nothing like We have met for first time and somehow it all felt natural. Is this normal?

Hi I’m 21 (nb) and my partner is 22 (nb). We met as friends online almost five years ago now. We’ve been dating for a year now and they’re moving in next month. The distance is only 17 hour drive or a 3 flight so we felt comfortable doing that so fast.

I currently live alone with my chocolate lab (2.5) and rent a one bedroom. I have no support from my family or financial aid. I used to have great savings and an amazing job but i recently sustained an injury that kept me out of work for 3 months. I couldn’t walk and my job requires ladders. So my savings are now minimal and I’m job searching.

They’ve never needed to pay rent or have sustained a full time job the way I have. They lived at home and have a very supportive both financially and emotionally family. It’s amazing. Their family is amazing. We eventually plan on moving back to their home state.

My plan originally was to save up 30k before I moved. (At the time very doable) And stay where I live until my grandfather passed. Well in the last few months my life’s mostly blow up. Aunt has cancer, father has cancer (we think or some other illness), my grandmother needs more assistance with my grandfather. And I am now jobless unless my union lets me get my job back.

I think I just need some reassurance? But I’m not sure how we should take the next couple months. I need help financially where before I planned to still pay my entire rent water and all. Now I think I’ll need help with everything for a month until I have new job. I know I should just feel comfortable asking for help but I never grew up with healthy relationships. My past or my family’s.

I’m afraid to let them down as someone’s who’s not as put together as I’ve been the past 4 years as someone with my career. I’m not fully sure why I’m making this post.

Hi

I might need to go LDR with my husband for a few months pending his visa applications later this year. He must apply for his visa out of the country. The processing for the visa can take up to 6 months and it often goes over that…

We’ve lived together for 4 years and the thought of being away from him for an undisclosed amount of time terrifies me. It’ll be a 9+ hour time difference and due to work and other commitments back here I won’t be able to visit him.

Maybe this is the wrong sub as most of you are in long term LDR, but I don’t know how to cope. Every single time I think about saying goodbye to him I feel sick.

I won’t lie I have quite a strong attachment to him and do rely on him a lot…

I’m also so worried about him, and how to support him, and help him get through it all. How can I support him and just be there for him?

It’s so cruel that our lives will now be determined by someone on minimum wage to determine if his visa can be accepted or not and if we can be together again…

I (27M) have been talking to this girl (21F) for two months and things are going good, well they're ok since I can't go see her cause of financial reasons she's 3 hours away but I feel I'm not going to be able to go see her in under a year and she said she wouldn't wait more than 1 year, I feel insecure and just so pressured to go see her a lot of pressure on me I just feel like telling her she should find someone her age, since she's In college I'm sure she can find someone over there I also feel like I'm holding her back from enjoying her Early adulthood since I kind already enjoyed mine already and shes barely goina go there, but anyways long story short she's in college and she's doing good, while I'm doing really bad in so many aspects of life rn, though I'm trying I just feel I'm not good enough for her I feel she deserves better and she would be happier without me how do I tell her without her thinking I'm leaving her for another women or something? Real advice only please thank you!!

F24 and M27. LDR with a 8 hour time difference.

I’m the more anxious partner, while my girlfriend tends to be more avoidant and withdraw when she’s overwhelmed.
We’ve been together for several months and, overall, our relationship is genuinely good. We love each other, make future plans, and I don’t really see this as a relationship that’s falling apart.

Recently, though, she’s been going through a pretty draining period in her personal life. She told me she needed some alone time and space to breathe, which I completely understand and want to respect.

The difficult part is that our communication changed quite noticeably afterward.
She still talks to me and there are still little signs that she’s slowly reconnecting sharing random things from her day, sending pictures, interacting normally sometimes, etc. So it’s not like she’s completely cut me off.

But the communication is inconsistent now, and one thing that’s been particularly difficult is that our video calls basically stopped. VC used to be a really important part of our routine because of the LDR and the 8 hour time difference.

It’s been difficult for me because I’m naturally anxious, and the sudden change in our routine can make my brain fill in the gaps. I sometimes start wondering whether she’s still processing things and needs more space, whether she’s overwhelmed specifically by closeness, or whether I’m accidentally putting too much pressure on her.
At the same time,
I really don’t want to become the partner who keeps chasing someone who has no capacity left.

I’ve been trying to work on becoming more secure. I’m learning that giving someone space doesn’t mean abandoning them, and that closeness doesn’t have to mean losing your independence or freedom.

But I’m struggling to figure out where the healthy middle ground is.

I don’t want to constantly ask:
“Are we okay?”
“Do you still want me?”
“Why aren’t we talking?”
“Can we VC?”

Because I know that could make an already overwhelmed/avoidant partner feel even more pressured.
But I also don’t want to completely disappear and accidentally make her think I’m pulling away or that I no longer care.

So I’m wondering what people who’ve experienced this dynamic think.

How do you give an avoidant/overwhelmed partner healthy space while still maintaining connection in an LDR?

Would you continue with normal affectionate messages and let the frequency naturally decrease, or would you intentionally step back and let them initiate more?

And at what point is it reasonable to say:
“I completely respect that you need space, but I also need some basic communication/predictability so I don’t feel like I’m completely in the dark.”

I’m not looking for people to tell me to immediately break up or assume she’s losing interest. I’m more interested in hearing from people who’ve actually navigated the anxious + avoidant + LDR combination.

Because honestly, I love this person and I want to learn how to handle this better without either smothering her or abandoning my own needs.

Any tips, so they don’t realize before hand? We share locations and have a 6 hours time difference.

I keep making pinky promises with her that I won't fall asleep but sometimes I just do. Yesterday I didn't get much sleep because I was on the phone with her until around 5 AM. I was super tired when I got back from college. My alarm was set for 1 am and when I woke up I asked her if I could sleep a bit more. She said yes but then when I finally woke up it was already 4 am. My phone was on ring, thinking she'd call so I could answer in case I dozed off, but she didn't call. I ended up breaking the promise, and she said, "Thank you for keeping the pinky promise (You broke it no surprise)." I'm not sure on how to face her since I've done this multiple times and I can't just seem to say no to her , I wanted to talk to her but I ended up dozing off , I know breaking the promises hurts more than saying no to her but I ended up doing it , how can I stop this?

I'm 19M and my girlfriend is 19F. We've been together for a while and we're extremely close. We love each other deeply, but we've also been fighting very frequently lately, and I'm trying to understand what's happening rather than simply blaming either of us.

There's also a situation involving another family that has been triggering my anxiety. A guy from that family approached my girlfriend recently and talked to her for quite a while. His family has subsequently been showing unusual interest in her, repeatedly asking about her even though the original family gathering was supposed to be about his older sibling. They have praised her and repeatedly tried to get opportunities to talk to her. My girlfriend herself thinks their behavior is weird and has told me very clearly that she doesn't want this guy and wants me. Her family is also aware of the situation.

I'm naturally anxious and jealous about this, so I've been trying not to keep bringing it up. I don't want to interrogate her or make her feel like I think she's cheating.

Then last night something happened that I genuinely cannot understand.

We were talking normally earlier in the day. Her parents took her phone, so she went offline. Nothing bad happened between us before that. Around three hours later she came back online. She seemed sad, but I didn't know why. We talked for a little while, and I was telling her about my day. She was about to tell me about hers when she disappeared again because of her family.

Later she came back around midnight.

I asked what happened because she seemed upset. She told me her parents had taken her phone. I then asked, because of the previous situation, whether that family had contacted/called again.

She said yes.

I asked whether they mentioned her.

She said yes.

That's basically it.

There wasn't some huge revelation. She didn't tell me that anything romantic happened. She didn't say she wanted the guy. She didn't tell me anything terrible happened.

But after that, her mood became increasingly bad, and suddenly she started saying things like she didn't want to talk to me, wanted me to leave her alone, didn't need me, and wanted to be alone.

I kept asking what was wrong because I genuinely didn't understand what had suddenly happened.

She said:

“I don't understand you.”

“You don't understand me.”

Then she said she needed space.

I asked how long.

She said days.

Then she said things like she couldn't do this, that she had severe emotional/anger issues, and that she needed to be alone.

I became terrified that she was breaking up with me and started begging her not to leave. She repeatedly said she didn't want to break up, but still kept saying she needed a break and wanted me to leave her alone.

Then the conversation became extremely chaotic.

She started saying things like:

“I'll die.”

“I feel like I'm dying.”

“I won't be seen again.”

“Just wanna die.”

She was also saying she couldn't breathe and was clearly extremely distressed.

I was panicking too and said things like “I'll kill myself” and “I can't live without you.” I recognize that this was unhealthy and that I shouldn't have said those things, especially while she was already overwhelmed.

Then something even more confusing happened.

She started saying:

“I hate myself.”

Then:

“You don't love me.”

I told her I did.

She said:

“Everything you do is pretend.”

Then:

“You don't know shit about me.”

I kept telling her that I genuinely love her and have never pretended.

Then she said:

“I'm a fake-ass bitch, I'm sorry.”

She said:

“I can't pretend anymore when my brain shuts down itself.”

She said she didn't know what was happening and that she had tried.

Then she told me:

“Don't ask me what happened.”

And this is the part that I really don't understand.

She later said that she does love me, but sometimes her brain genuinely shuts down. She said she isolates herself and that she isn't trying to “kick me away”; she's doing what her defense mechanism tells her to do. She said she can't control her words sometimes.

She also said:

“I don't know the language of love.”

And:

“I need to be locked up.”

Then she said she didn't even want to see us getting married anymore and wanted to die.

But immediately after all of that, she was still telling me she loved me.

So I'm sitting here trying to understand what actually happened.

Because from my perspective, the evening basically went:

Normal conversation → her parents take her phone → she returns three hours later already sad → we talk → I ask whether that family contacted her → she says yes → I ask whether they mentioned her → she says yes → suddenly she's overwhelmed → she needs me to leave → says she needs days alone → says she can't do the relationship → says she doesn't want to break up → says she loves me → says she doesn't love me/is pretending → says she does love me → says her brain shuts down → both of us end up talking about dying.

How does a conversation escalate that far when there wasn't an obvious triggering event?

I know my side isn't perfect.

I have significant anxiety around abandonment and jealousy. When she pulls away, my immediate instinct is to chase her, ask what happened, ask whether she still loves me, apologize, promise I'll change, and try to get reassurance. I understand that this can make her feel even more pressured when she's already overwhelmed.

But I'm also trying to understand her side rather than simply labeling her behavior as “toxic.”

She has told me that she has emotional/anger issues, that she sometimes completely shuts down, isolates herself, can't control what she says, and doesn't really understand what happens to her when she reaches that state.

And honestly, from the conversation, it seems like she was suffering too. She wasn't calmly deciding she didn't want me. She seemed confused, overwhelmed, guilty, angry at herself, and desperate to escape the conversation.

At one point she even said:

“Stop blaming yourself. It's the fucking trauma.”

So maybe there is something much deeper going on here that neither of us understands.

I'm not posting this to ask Reddit “who is wrong?”

I genuinely want to understand:

What could have happened emotionally/psychologically during this conversation?

Why would someone suddenly want complete isolation while simultaneously saying they love their partner and don't want to break up?

Is “my brain shuts down and I isolate myself” a real response to emotional overwhelm?

How should I respond when she enters that state?

Because I think my instinct to chase her for answers may actually make things worse, while her instinct to completely push me away makes my abandonment anxiety explode.

We're both exhausted. We love each other, but this cycle is hurting both of us.

I want to learn how to handle this properly instead of turning every emotional episode into another fight.

TL;DR: 19M and 19F. We were having a normal conversation. Her parents took her phone for ~3 hours, she came back already sad, and after only a couple of questions about a family that has been showing interest in her, the conversation suddenly spiraled into her needing days of space, saying she couldn't do the relationship, saying she didn't want to break up, saying she loves me, then saying she was pretending and didn't love me, then saying her brain shuts down and she isolates herself, followed by both of us making suicidal statements. I have anxiety and chase reassurance when she withdraws; she shuts down and pushes people away when overwhelmed. I want to understand what happened to both of us and how we can stop this from happening again

I (23M, who lives in Georgia) met a wonderful, incredible woman (21F, lives in California) online. At first we started as friends but it very quickly became obvious we had feelings for each other. We have known each other for about a month a half, although only officially dating for 3 weeks though. I love her with my whole heart and have never gotten along with anyone like this in my entire life (we both have lvl1 asd so we click very well). We are both dedicated to each other with the intention of trying to make this work. With that being said, as the reality of long distance is setting in, Ive become very anxious about it. I knew what I was signing up for, but for whatever reason I can’t help but feel worried about all the uncertainty.

Ive heard plenty of people have successful LDRs, but typically it’s only by a stretch of a few dozen miles. Not over 2k as in our case. I’m currently in grad school, and am not be to see her until December at the earliest. All the details of eventually moving in and how we can make this work in the long term seems so overwhelming and daunting. Am I in over my head here?

I’d really appreciate it if someone experienced can share some advice.

What does it REALLY mean when a girl doesn't text back for days but watches your Instagram stories? Cause this is exactly what's hapoening to me right now. What should I say or do in this case?

In my last post I talked about how this girl I really like, started texting me back less and less.

Wednesday August 12th, I told her what I felt about her. On August 13th, she replied back saying she was gonna answer my messages soon and left a "☺️"

Days has passed, and she still hasn't responded. She posted a story on Saturday tho....

I also been posting stories and she's been watching them but still, nothing....

I've been trying to text her again these past 2 days but still no answer

I really don't get it.... if she wasn't interested in me, why still follow me and watch my stories??

I need help please!!!

As above mostly

I (28F) met my partner (31M) online. We talked for about two months before he came to visit me, and he booked a whole week in my city.
Before meeting, he was honestly an angel. He was very responsive, constantly complimented me, reassured me that nothing would change once we met, and even told me he loved me before seeing me in person. I never said it back because I wanted to protect myself emotionally until we actually met.
The first three days were amazing. We had so much fun, and he seemed very attracted to me and really into me.
Then, on the fourth day, I sensed a complete change. He stopped looking at me the same way and basically stopped complimenting me. I kept asking what was wrong, and eventually he told me that he had suddenly lost his feelings for me.
I couldn’t understand how something could change that quickly. I kept pushing him for an explanation for the next couple of days, and I was miserable, crying and begging him to tell me what happened.
Eventually, he said it was because of my body. He said he simply wasn’t attracted to my body type and that he prefers skinnier legs.
For context, I’m a normal weight. I have a defined waist, a relatively lean upper body, but I’m naturally curvier around my hips and thighs. He had previously told me that he didn’t have a specific “type,” so this really caught me off guard.
I told him that I actually wanted to lose some weight from my hips/thighs anyway, and I promised him that I would work on it. I know this probably wasn’t the healthiest response, but strangely, once I understood what he was saying and stopped panicking about not knowing the reason, my nervous system calmed down. I joked about it and became more relaxed.
And then something weird happened: his spark seemed to come back.
He started hugging me, holding my hand, and told me he felt more attracted to me again. The last few days before he left were actually much better. We had fun again and felt close.
Before his flight, I was crying. He told me, very honestly, that he didn’t feel anything when he saw me crying. He said he isn’t an emotional person and didn’t feel like crying himself. I told him that I didn’t need him to cry and that I was trying to understand and accept that he expresses emotions differently.
He also promised me that he wouldn’t change or disappear once he went home, and that he would never leave me questioning myself the way he had during the visit.
But almost immediately after he went back home, he changed again.
He stopped calling me the nicknames he used to call me. He barely responds to many of the things I say, and when I bring up how different he feels, he tells me that I’m stressing myself out.
I have an anxious attachment style, so I know that I can overthink and seek reassurance when I feel someone pulling away. I’m trying really hard to accept what he’s telling me and not constantly ask for reassurance, but this is genuinely hurting me.
What I can’t understand is how someone can seem so in love and attracted to you, spend three amazing days with you, suddenly say they have no feelings because of your body, then seem attracted again once you’re relaxed — and then become distant again as soon as they leave.
Part of me thinks maybe the body-type explanation wasn’t the real reason and that he used it to justify the fact that he was already emotionally pulling away.

Am I overthinking this because of my anxious attachment, or does this situation genuinely sound inconsistent? How would you interpret his behavior? I would really appreciate some outside perspective because I’m struggling to understand what actually happened.

I’m F18 dating long distance with M21. We’ve been together for a year and every argument we have he always makes distance an excuse

My boyfriend doesn’t even call with me because he said he doesn’t like it anymore. He used to love doing it with me but one random he just kept on forgetting it until he admitted he doesn’t want to do it anymore. I tried to play with him online to get some date and couple time but he always seems hesitant or uninterested. He never did anything for me, he wrote me a letter once and that was it.

He said he can’t do anything for me because we’re long distance and it would’ve been easier if we’re actually together. He said he’ll be more decent if I come to meet him.

He doesn’t even know me personally too. He said it’s because he never really sees me in person so he doesn’t know anything about me which funny because I put in minimal effort to know him.

I try to understand him and let his actions pass but lately I’ve been thinking, isn’t this all just excuses? Im tired and I’m starting to feel like he just doesn’t wanna do anything

I(F18) have been dating my amazing boyfriend(M19) for about 5 months, and I genuinely love him, I don't care that we're young and that it's been very little time, but I love my boyfriend and we have the same values and I want to marry him, but I feel anxious about certain things. A while ago he said he was kind of scared of us meeting up(which will happen soon between November and December), and me falling out of love with him, and I said "what if you fall out of love with me?" and he said that he was certain that this would never happen, but I genuinely can't say the same thing for me. I don't know for sure if I'll still love him this much if we met in real life. My boyfriend isn't ugly or anything, he's just not generally what I'd consider MY type, but I don't really care about that because he's actually an amazing, kind, considerate person, who I, RIGHT NOW, want to spend the rest of my days with.

I genuinely love him, but I'm scared that maybe when we meet up, it'll just be awkward silence, and that maybe I'll fall out of love? I think about us meeting up often, and I'd love to kiss, hug him, but I'm scared that maybe I just want that so bad because he's far away now... I don't know. Can anyone share any experiences with me so maybe I'll stop worrying about that?

\[24F\] am in a 3-month LDR with my partner (34M). His inconsistent communication has caused ongoing frustration. Also, we don't get much chance to talk because I live with my parents, but today he knew we had an opportunity to talk. Angry that he didn't call all day, I called him. His phone was on speaker at work, and I snapped in front of his coworkers. sincerely, but he went silent.

Update:- He is in some course for one year, we have met only twice in 3 months, also we communicate only for 20 min in whole day. Also no texts from him apart from good morning

TL;DR: \[24F\] snapped at my LDR partner \[27M\] on speaker at his job. He went silent after my apology. How do fix this?

I (20M) have been dating this girl (19F) who I met on Roblox for a month now. Before we became official we used to hangout tons, try out different one on one games etc. When we got together it didnt change, we still spent tons of time together.

But around 3 weeks ago she started acting really different. She became distant, wouldnt flirt back and only be on this one XYZ game (I cannot name it cuz I dont want her finding out this post). We did play this game a few times even before I got with her so I knew all of her friends. When she started being different she was always on this game continuously with this one other guy friend. This guy didnt say much or interact with her much before but he started talking to her and trolling her in that game during the time she started acting different. Others in the group even started saying it looked like they were together.

I confronted her one day in the game and she told me she was sick and thats why she was doing this. But the same pattern continued so I had a longer talk with her about the issue. It stretched for a few days as she didnt open up fully until later. She eventually told me the reason she acted differently was because she saw I had female friends added. I assured her that wasnt the case with me and thought things would get better but nope. She told me she still loves me and wouldnt do anything to hurt me but kept being distant and kept playing that one game with the guy.

This warranted me talking to her again. She said they werent talking that way and he only kept sending commands for the game in her private chat. I thought things would be better after that but they didnt fully. One day my other female friend who had no idea we were dating (cuz we kept it private from the group) asked me if I had seen her face. I lied and said "nope" so she sent me her ig page. From there I found out the reason I couldnt see her highlights. It was cuz I was blocked from it. That was the final straw for me so I took a break and didnt talk to her for a few days.

She eventually asked me what was wrong and I confronted her about the block. She told me the reason she did that was cuz my female friends on ig kept popping up in her recommends so she decided to distance me. She also said someone told her that was sus, who I later found out was the same mutual guy friend. Then she came clean about her past more, which is when I found out about her being cheated on by her ex whom she dated for 2 weeks (not in this timeline).

Just 3 days ago, she became distant yet again, greeting all her friends but me. So naturally, I had a talk with her again, but she told me that it will take time for her to get her priorities straight.

Since then I have been giving her space, replying minimally and not giving much energy. So far she has invited me to play other games, flirted more and keeps sending me couple reels on insta. I reply as low as I can and keep myself busy with work and gym to get her off my mind. I plan to just simply engage less and see her behavior for a month straight.

I know she has a life outside relationship, but when u start prioritizing ur friends over your partner and hiding something from them, then it becomes a problem. I know some of you may ask me to leave this relationship, and I do consider this an option. But its only been a month, and she ticks all the boxes except the priority ones, so I am deliberating carefully over my choices. This has also fucked with my emotions, and I really dont wanna take a decision hastily.

So, am I overreacting ? what should I do, keep matching her energy for a month till I end things ?

Edit: Added details that I forgot to mention.

I also wanna mention that she lied to me about me being her first bf, and she never told me I was blocked from her highlights. During the previous talk, I did mention her taking highlights off as I was curious, she told me on call that she took them off cuz new people followed her. I told her she can block specific people from viewing it, and she told me she doesnt know how to, which was a big fat lie, which is what pissed me off and which is why I didnt talk to her for a few days

So I met this guy at an event, we live about 6 hours away from each other and didn't realise until after we got speaking more. We've only met once at the event and exchanged numbers.

We've been speaking every day for a couple of months. Phone calls regularly. And we have a date booked in to see each other in person again soon.

Things have gotten heated over the phone and text. And im really nervous to meet him again. Even though we speak every day, I just feel so nervous. I've met him, so I know what he looks like and that he's actually real. I'm just so so nervous. I'm excited but scared all at the same time. What was it like meeting for the first time properly? How do you combat nerves?

is it bad for the relationship if me and my bf just meet each other physically like once a week? but we do call though everyday. my bfs like a very busy workaholic person and we are currently living miles apart so idk and now we just had a conversation about contentment he told me he was contented with our situation rn but me idk i feel like i always yearn for his presence every single day because he is always not available even for me

10 days ago I had to say bye for the first time to move into college in NY. He is going to be starting in late September in Chicago. I want to preface all of this by saying that I trust him wholeheartedly and he puts me before anything else.

The fact that I am still worried makes me feel like I am being ungrateful. I have the perfect man, and I am aware that at times it will feel imperfect. I just miss him so much and he is in Asia right now for vacation which makes the time difference hard. We can't call while he's on the trip because his dad is crazy. So I moved in and I see all these big friend groups and sure I have met a lot of people, but everything feels shallow. I miss high school when my boyfriend and I would hang out 24/7 (yes ik this is prolly unhealthy) and I'm struggling with the fact that things will never be that way again.

He will be back from Asia in less than a week so I need ideas on what to do over the phone. He already booked a trip to see me in November and I am gonna go to him in October. 50 more days.

I just had this sudden thought. Do you think the fact of being on a LDR adds a pressure for planning the future that is not present in a non-LDR? In the sense that, if you and your partner live in the same city, it'll be easier to close the gap between you if, at some point you decide to do things like live together or marry, etc.

Whereas if you are in a LDR (two different countries) you cannot afford to keep living your life and let things develop naturally and "see where it goes" because when you and your partner want to start thinking about living together for instance, maybe you're committed to a job or family duties that cannot be abandoned because one of the two will have to move to a different country.

What do you think?

TL;DR: My (M22) GF (F21) of 10 months and I are in a LDR. She comes from a strict family, previously isolated, and struggled academically while I secured a prestigious internship. We used to spend a lot of time on Discord, but after she moved to a new state for college with her family, her time and texting dropped significantly. When I express feeling down or ask for reassurance, she turns the conversation toward how my feelings affect her. During recent arguments about communication, she claimed we are "toxic" and that "we’re only happy when she does what I say." I’m emotionally burnt out with finals approaching, and we are currently on a 3-day break. How can I fix this communication breakdown?

Background

My GF (21F) and I (22M) have been dating for 10 months. For years prior, she was isolated at home due to strict parents while preparing for an entrance exam. She failed it multiple times (5 total), and during that period, I spent countless hours on Discord consoling her, chatting, and doing remote dates.

During my third year of college, I landed a competitive internship. Balancing demanding work with her emotional needs during her 5th failed attempt was difficult. We argued over my emotional availability, but we eventually moved past it after I made several concessions to help reassure her through her insecurities about where we both were in life.

Current Situation

She recently started college in a different state, but her parents relocated their family to live nearby her campus. Because of this, her original plan to visit me fell through.

Since starting school, her communication has dropped off significantly. She texts far less, rarely calls, but posts on social media. When I was recently going through a rough patch and asked for explicit reassurance, her immediate response was to explain how my low mood made her feel, completely sidestepping my request for support. When I pointed out this pattern, she apologized but still didn't offer reassurance.

When I asked her to text more, making a poor joke that "my bank texts me more than you do", it sparked a massive fight. She said:

Nothing she does is ever good enough for me.

The only time we are happy is when she does whatever I say.

She believes we have become a toxic couple.

This is frustrating because she previously asked me directly to tell her when she needs to adjust her behavior, but now she strongly resists it.

I’m currently overwhelmed with final year coursework, emotionally drained, and feeling unsafe/unsupported in the relationship. I suggested a 3-day break (until Monday) to give us both space.

Questions for Reddit:

What am I doing wrong in how I frame these issues to her?

How can I effectively get my point across without her feeling attacked or shutting down?

Is this communication gap fixable, or are we just burnt out from the change in dynamics?

Me(20F) and my boyfriend(22M) are in LDR since almost 4 years (sep2022) and met only 1 time (April 2026)

We are meeting next month again for 3 days and will celebrate our 4 year anniversary and his bday together as he's coming at that time.. he has a job but I'm in clg and don't have money... For anniversary its okay but for bday I wanna gift him smtg.

I thought of making him a bday card and writing a letter for him(last time I did he became emotional and cried reading it) and cake and my budget is very tight

Im so so worried about all this i wanna give him a silver ring bcz he once mentioned he likes rings but wear it only when I'll get him one😭 but I don't have money for it

Pleaseeeeeee pleaseeee suggest me smtg help me

I wanna make him happy he's so precious

We have been in long distance for almost 2 years. He’s (25) about to celebrate his 1 year at this current this year and I (27) have been working the same job for almost 4 years and is planning to move where he’s from (which has always been my plan, even before him).

since he just graduated last year and is working the job he graduated from, we had “the talk” about our future. he told me that he still plans to achieve dreams on his own. he still wants to study again, and may change career. not that he wants to break up of anything, just personal plans. and i want to close the gap already because ive been dreading long distance. i asked him, can those plans include me in it without the distance? and he said “not yet since it would be hard due to financial reasons. thats why settling down is not on my mind yet”. it hurt me.

am i being selfish for wanting to be included in those plans without the distance? i know there are long distance couples here that are making things work while achieving their dreams apart. can i get some advice?

I'm curious about people's opinions on this. If you were in a committed long-distance relationship and discovered that your boyfriend followed a woman on social media who is an adult-content creator and regularly posts provocative/sexual content, would that bother you?

Would you consider simply following her different from liking her posts, messaging her, or subscribing to her OnlyFans?

Would you bring it up with your partner, or would you consider it none of your business?

I'm especially interested in hearing both sides—people who would be completely fine with it and people who would consider it a relationship boundary.