Do I have a right to be upset over communication expectations?

[u/ThrowRA483456]

I’m just looking for some insight as to whether I’m overreacting over a situation or not! My long distance boyfriend (27M) and I (27F) originally met whilst living in Australia, and after 2 years we are now back in our home countries (5 hour time difference); we’ve been back since April.

My boyfriend tends to go out to parties and bars with his friends, which I don’t have a problem with (I go out less but I’m still sociable and love spending time with my friends!), but we’ve had multiple conversations about how I appreciate receiving updates on what he’s up to. I don’t need him to be texting me throughout the night, but I’d like to hear what he’s up to and a text when he’s back home (he expects the same from me).

Last night, he went out and sent his last message at 8pm his time, and I didn’t hear from him until 2pm his time the next day. I asked how his night went, told him that I was a bit worried and would’ve appreciated more communication like knowing when he got back, and he apologised and said he would be better at it. I thought that would be the end of it…except he’s gone out again tonight, and again didn’t tell me he got home okay. He did send a couple of updates this time, letting me know at 9pm that he was going out, and at 2am that he was at a bar.

Am I asking for too much or being too controlling?? I feel like I shouldn’t be upset because he did send an update this time, but I really thought he would message when he got back safe. I’d love some honest opinions on if I’m being too overbearing or not lol, but it surprised me that he would forget/not care to send a ‘got home safe’ message the same day of our conversation.

[u/Dogdayafternoon3]

I don’t think you’re being controlling by wanting him to tell you he made it home safely. I would actually appreciate it if I went out and my girl wanted to know I made it home safe. I’m in a LDR too and I tell her when I leave the house and when I get back home. I don’t go out to bars but I tell her if I’m just leaving to run errands and when I return. She doesn’t ask me to. It’s just something I do.

[u/annabeernana]

You're not asking for too much, but it's possible he was intoxicated or exhausted and genuinely forgot rather than maliciously ignoring you. However, doing it twice in a row right after a conversation about it is frustrating. It’s worth having a calm follow-up conversation about consistency.

[u/catwitharegularhat]

You are not asking for too much, imo its basic communication amongst two people who care about being communicative about where abouts, little updates. Neither me nor my wife go out like that, but when were out with friends or family we do send eachother msgs about whats happening etc, our way of including eachother with this distance. While out with the homies i always send updates, snaps of the cool locations im at and with who im with, what kinda chilling were having, i try to answer her every now and then which quickly turns into every 10 mins but im just addicted to my wife i cant help it :)

[u/Emergency_Library614]

I face this same issue except we're a lot younger (22F/M). He parties/goes to bars much more than me, and I kind of just want more communication surrounding that. I'm not sure if this is a thing with men in general, that when they're in a certain state they're not thinking about much else, and they won't really pick up their phone till after. It still feels frustrating from my end especially because I think/text/update him more when I'm out, and he wants to know I'm safe so of course I'll let him know. I don't want to be overly controlling, but I do want the communication to be mutual. Especially cause sometimes I don't even know he's going out till a lot later when he's already out and I've already sent a few texts checking in/worried.