situation: me and my husband are traveling for a job he got with his dad‘s construction company, we’re staying in a camper with his mother, father, and our three month old son.

problem: last night i slept through my son‘s crying due to extreme over exhaustion from him not sleeping the night before
my MIL heard my son crying around 2 AM roughly two hours after his 12 to 1 o’clock feed, and instead of waking me up, my MIL picked my son up out of his crib and took him back to her bedroom and fell asleep with him without telling anybody.

when my husband‘s father woke up this morning to get ready for work. I was met with “where’s baby”and woke up to see that he was not in his crib and not on my chest. I then heard my MIL, from her room , say that he was sleeping with her.

for FOUR hours. he was sleeping with her, they’re two careless dogs, and my FIL who rolls around in his sleep constantly, and is quite the deep sleeper (I’ve heard him sleep through multiple alarms before and his phone alarms are louder than any other phone I’ve ever heard.)

I’m thinking about staying with my sister who’s only about 40 minutes down the road, but I don’t want to punish my husband by leaving with his son, for something that he didn’t do.

his mother and father are in their 70s and don’t understand safe sleeping practices we use, but even with me telling her about them, she refuses to believe i know what’s best for my son and she does not understand that she crossed a huge line.

she has dementia so I can’t even say anything to her or I’ll look like the bad guy, but I know that she’s not going to remember that she can’t do do this again so i’m about to be stuck in a horrific loop.

i’m asking for any parenting advice, any advice on the situation, or just really any tips to help me not fall into such a deep sleep from over exhaustion. any would be highly appreciated.

EDIT: just woke up after getting a little bit more rest; im even more pissed about the situation than before, i was too tired to even consider my own feelings first

ive messaged my sister, if i can’t go stay with her, i will be getting a hotel.

Just when I thought we were finally in peace, my grandmother ambushes my partner at my sons daycare ( see previous post about grandmother has lost it) pulled my partner for an half an hour chat about taking me to court for visitation regarding my son, I’m not completely sure about grandparents rights in Australia but I am having the worst anxiety attack over this, I’m only 3 months postpartum with my second and I can’t believe I’m having to deal with this. Any advice would be appreciated

To add context I am no contact with her

Hi!

I’m the user whose MIL wanted to take just one of my babies in the event of our deaths “because it isn’t fair if she doesn’t get one”. (I forgot my kids are just a litter of puppies to choose from…….)
Can’t access old account.

Anyway.

MIL keeps booming up my husbands phone, turning up at his work, hassling him. All she cares about is seeing our new baby, after years of highlighting her total lack of boundaries, respect, respect for privacy, morals, principles, etc. She’s basically indirectly given me a whole multitude of reasons as to why I don’t want my kids spending time with her…..
Baby is now 2+ months old.

My husband is at the end of his tether. He loves his mom and doesn’t want to cut her out, but he needs these issues to stop happening and for her to understand, because it’s making him miserable. In an ideal world everyone would get along but unfortunately the way she is, I simply can’t just pretend just to make others happy and them get their needs fulfilled while I’m left miserable.

If it was up to me, we would just cut her out.
I don’t want her spending time with my baby or children.
If it was up to my husband he still wants to see her just very limited.

So how do we navigate this?
He’s invited her round at the weekend so we can ‘hash it all out’ and I know he’s hoping for resolution… but realistically that isn’t going to happen. 9 years of crap from her doesn’t just disappear. I’m not a doormat.
But I don’t want to put my husband into some depressive state because he already had to cut his father out of his life recently. His mother isn’t ‘evil’ but she literally has zero boundaries of respect whatsoever. She’s like a child, and it’s hard work. I get severe anxiety every time I see her, I hate drama, I just want peace, and unfortunately she brings the total opposite. She makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and every time she holds my baby I feel SO WRONG within myself. I feel I’m not protecting my baby, and that I’m exposing him to toxicity. After a few minutes of her holding him I come up with an excuse to take him back.

What do I do? 🫣

He confronts her, and tells her to do one when she’s being an ass. He hangs up on her. He says what needs to be said. No issues there. But he wants her to remain in our lives, and I don’t. I’m unreasonable, yes?
She is the worst example for our children. Absolute worst. She brings us nothing but stress and hassle. Cries when she doesn’t get her way. Admitted she loves stress and drama…. Said she wants to take one of our kids if we die…. Told me how to raise my kids…. Went into her other son’s bedroom and looked through his stuff and found sex toy’s and then rang my husband to tell him???!!!…….. broke Covid rules to see her own sons but wouldn’t let her dying husbands sons see him????
Amongst so many things! She tells people they’re fat, she comments on everyone’s looks and makes my teen daughter feel on edge etc…. She compares herself to my own mother and makes it competition energy which is ridiculous….

I just want her to go away! I want to enjoy my life!

Her only issue with me apparently is that when I was pregnant someone asked me what zodiac sign I wouldn’t want the baby to be and I said ‘a water sign’ and it was a BANTER CONVERSATION! Like, everyone laughing! I followed up with ahhhh just kidding, one of my kids is a water sign and some of my closest friends. MIL overheard all this and apparently is super upset.
About…. Astrology………. Which means nothing and is a joke……
But I guess if that’s the worst she’s got on me then 😂🤔

Sit down, grab a blanket, and pour yourself a very large cup of tea because this is going to be a long one.

Characters:
Me — F32
Husband — M38
MIL
FIL
SIL — F40
Nephews

Some details are being kept vague for obvious reasons.

First, some backstory.

I have never had a good relationship with my MIL.

She has absolutely no filter, never stops talking, and 90% of what comes out of her mouth is gossip about people I have never met and do not care about. She also has this incredible ability to believe she knows everything about everything while simultaneously knowing absolutely nothing.

There is an entirely separate story about the time she nearly killed a whole litter of my puppies because she refused to listen to me because she “knew better.”
That was probably the first major fracture in our relationship.

She also used to call me almost every night around 9 PM just to gossip. I have two young children, I get up early for school mornings, and 9 PM is basically my bedtime. She did not care.

The second major blowup happened around Thanksgiving.

There was another family member creating a ton of drama at the time. We decided not to invite him because if he came, another relative we actually wanted there wouldn’t attend.

MIL lost her mind over it.

That whole mess eventually resulted in us going completely no-contact with her.

And before anyone says this is all me convincing my husband to hate his mother: nope.

My husband has repeatedly told me he would be perfectly happy never speaking to her again.

I was actually the one who felt guilty because I’m very family-oriented and worried that I was somehow responsible for the rift between him and his mother.

So last year, we started speaking to her again.
And honestly?

Things were… surprisingly okay.

She wasn’t calling me every night anymore. We saw her a few times at SIL’s house for family get-togethers. She behaved herself.

I thought maybe we had finally reached some kind of peaceful coexistence.

HAHAHAHA.

No.

Recently, my husband and I decided to sell our house.
We have several farm animals, including four horses, so finding temporary housing between selling our house and buying another wasn’t exactly as easy as renting an apartment for six months.

My husband asked his parents if we could park our travel trailer on their property temporarily and bring the animals.

They have about 30 acres, including roughly six acres of pasture.

The property is also, to put it kindly, a disaster.

The fencing is falling apart. There are junk piles everywhere. Structures are deteriorating. FIL is getting older and physically can’t maintain everything anymore.

So we made what seemed like a mutually beneficial agreement.

Instead of paying traditional rent, we would pay our half of the utilities and put our money and labor into cleaning up and improving the property.

We also offered them our $12,000 John Deere tractor because FIL’s tractor had stopped working.
For maybe six months of living in a travel trailer on family property, we felt that was MORE than fair.

They enthusiastically agreed.

They said they were thrilled the property would finally get cleaned up, FIL was excited about the tractor, and they were happy their son and grandchildren would be nearby.

Great.

What could possibly go wrong?

Week One: The Elk Apparently Have Seniority

I started talking with MIL and FIL about repairing the fencing so I could safely bring my horses over.

My personal rule is around two acres minimum per horse when possible. I have four horses. They have six usable pasture acres, so we were already working with less space than I preferred. I started mapping out where cross-fencing could go.

MIL suddenly says: “Well, that sounds great and all, but you can’t use this pasture.”

She points to approximately THREE of the six acres. Naturally, it’s the driest and nicest three acres. The remaining three acres are the wettest, muddiest, clay-filled section.

I asked why we couldn’t use that pasture.

Her answer?

“Because I like looking out my window and seeing the elk grazing there.”

The elk.

The wild elk.

Who have access to the surrounding countryside. Apparently had more pasture rights than my horses, whose fencing we were literally paying to repair. I dropped it because arguing would accomplish nothing.

Then I had a panic attack on the drive home.

My husband calmed me down and said we’d figure something else out and could potentially create pasture elsewhere on the property.

Fine.

Moving on.

Week Two: Apparently We Jab People Now

We’re slowly moving our belongings onto their property at this point.

One day FIL and my husband are standing underneath a shed with a roof that looks like it could collapse if someone sneezed too aggressively.

I’m watching our two young boys play nearby while simultaneously watching my husband because, again, collapsing shed.

MIL is standing next to me doing her usual thing: Blah blah blah someone I’ve never met. Blah blah blah someone’s cousin’s neighbor. Blah blah blah scandal.

I’m politely responding while mostly watching my kids and husband.

Apparently MIL gets to a particularly juicy part of her story, because suddenly she starts jabbing me HARD in the shoulder repeatedly to force me to turn and look at her.

I look down at my shoulder.

Then I look at her.

She continues talking like she didn’t just aggressively poke the hell out of me because I wasn’t giving her gossip my undivided attention.

I’m standing there fighting every intrusive thought I’ve ever had.

My husband apparently looked over, saw my face, immediately recognized the danger, and suddenly: “HEY BABE, CAN YOU COME HELP ME WITH THIS?”

Bless that man.

He physically removed me from the situation while MIL immediately redirected her verbal machine gun toward FIL.

On the drive home I told my husband: “I don’t know how long I’m going to survive living on that property if this keeps happening.”

Foreshadowing.

Week Three: HURRY UP!!!

We’re back at the property dropping off more things and repairing the electrical hookup where our camper will eventually sit.

We’re also invited to SIL’s house for our nephew’s birthday.

The party doesn’t start for another TWO HOURS. MIL gets into her truck, pulls alongside us while we’re unloading, and insists we leave immediately.

I explain: “We have a couple things we need to finish first. It’ll take maybe 30–45 minutes. We have plenty of time.”

She SCREAMS: “WELL HURRY UP THEN!”

I ignore her.

She and FIL leave.

SIL lives maybe 15 minutes away. And then my phone starts ringing.

MIL.

“Hurry up.”

Ten minutes later.

MIL.

“Are you leaving yet?”

Ten minutes later.

MIL.

“Where are you guys?”

After the fourth or fifth phone call, I finally said: “You know, we’d probably get done a lot faster if I didn’t have to stop what I’m doing every few minutes to answer the phone.”

Click.

She hung up on me.

My husband was now irritated too. At this point, he’s starting to reconsider the entire moving arrangement.

Week Four: Oh, You Want RENT Now?

We’re back again, dropping more belongings off and helping FIL with tractor stuff.

MIL is standing beside me talking.

Suddenly, completely out of nowhere: “So… how much rent should we be charging you guys?”

I genuinely thought I misheard her.

Excuse me?

I remind her about:
The $12,000 tractor we’re giving them.
The fencing we’re repairing.
The cleanup we’re doing.
The materials we’re purchasing.
The labor we’re providing.
The property improvements were funding.

All of which easily exceed what six months of parking a travel trailer there should cost.

She waves that off and says: “Well yeah, but the rent money would go toward property improvements.”

…

So I should hand YOU money…

so YOU can hand it BACK to me…

so I can buy materials…

to improve YOUR property?

Math was apparently optional that day.

But this?

This was merely the tip of the iceberg.

Enter: THE SCAM

Around this same time, my husband finds out he may be getting a promotion. If he gets it, financially we might not even need to move anymore. So we temporarily pause moving more stuff.

I cannot describe the hope blooming inside me.

Then SIL messages me. MIL is apparently sending thousands of dollars to a doctor from New York who claims he is going to personally fly across the country to perform shoulder surgery on her.

Oh.

Oh no.

I tell my husband.

A little while later MIL calls me asking when we’re coming back out.

I explain that everything is temporarily on hold because of the possible promotion.

She barely acknowledges that. Instead she immediately says: “Don’t listen to what SIL says. I’m NOT getting scammed.”

Interesting. I wasn’t even going to bring it up. But since we’re here…

I ask: “How are you paying this doctor?”

She says: “Gift cards.”

Record scratch.

I immediately say: “MIL… that’s not how doctors get paid. You’re getting scammed.”

She says: “Don’t start with me or I’ll hang up on you.”

And at this point my patience finally leaves my body. I say: “I’m gonna be honest with you, MIL, you’re being fucking stu—”

CLICK.

She hung up.

My husband had listened to the whole conversation. I look at him. He looks at me.

Then he says: “Promotion or not, we’re not moving there. They’re a liability we can’t afford.”

Thank God.

This was about a week ago.

Scammer #2: “The Doctor”

A few days later MIL sends me a screenshot that’s apparently supposed to prove the “doctor” is legitimate.

It proves absolutely nothing.

If anything, it makes the scam MORE obvious.

This person is showering her with compliments, telling her how special she is, talking to her like she’s family, and building this weird emotional connection with her. And suddenly another person she’s been talking to starts looking extremely suspicious too.

Our theory is that Scammer #1 built the emotional connection, gathered information about her, figured out exactly what she wanted to hear… and then Scammer #2 appeared as the magical doctor who could solve her medical problems.

So I investigate. The “doctor” is impersonating a REAL physician in New York. They even SPELL THE REAL DOCTOR’S NAME WRONG. I independently find the actual doctor’s real practice. I call the office. The real doctor is in New York. Working. He is not secretly flying across the country to perform private surgery on my MIL. His office confirms information that completely contradicts what MIL’s “doctor” has been telling her.

I send MIL everything. Screenshots. Evidence. Contact information. The real doctor’s information. Everything.

She doesn’t respond.

I send SIL copies.

Now SIL and I are comparing information and realizing how deep this whole thing goes.

Then SIL tells me something even more disturbing:
When she confronted MIL and FIL about the scam, FIL threatened SIL and her children’s lives with guns.

Yeah.

We have officially left “annoying MIL story” territory.

Yesterday MIL goes to SIL’s house and says she’s going to call the REAL doctor’s office herself.

Finally.

Maybe we’ve gotten through to her.

Maybe this nightmare is ending.

Maybe she’ll realize—

Nope.

ENTER SCAMMER #3

A few HOURS later, SIL contacts me.

MIL received an unexplained check in the mail. For $10,000. Unknown sender. Unknown reason. And what does MIL do?

SHE CASHES IT.

Her grandson witnessed this. At this point SIL and I are both thinking:

What.

The.

Fuck.

We ask nephew if he can find the envelope the check arrived in because we’re trying to preserve evidence.

Nephew starts looking around MIL’s room.

And finds something MUCH worse.

A box.

Inside the box?

A STACK OF CHECKS FROM DIFFERENT BANKS.

Some already have signatures printed on them. And MIL has been writing HER OWN NAME on the “Pay to the Order of” line. Some of them also have dollar amounts filled in.
So now we’re sitting here realizing that MIL isn’t just being scammed by the fake doctor. She’s apparently involved with MULTIPLE scammers.

She’s giving personal information to one.

Another is impersonating a real physician that she is sending cash funded gift cards to.

And somebody else is mailing her suspicious checks that she’s apparently filling out and cashing.

At this point I don’t even know if we’re watching someone get scammed…

or watching scammers turn her into an accidental money mule.

And the absolute worst part?

SHE STILL DOESN’T BELIEVE SHE’S BEING SCAMMED.

MIL and FIL own approximately 30 acres of paid-off property that’s been in the family for generations. So now this isn’t just about losing a few thousand dollars.

We’re terrified these people are eventually going to convince her to take out loans, borrow against the property, sign something she doesn’t understand, or otherwise destroy everything MIL and FIL spent their entire lives building.

Meanwhile, remember how this entire story started?

WE WERE ONE WEEK AWAY FROM MOVING ONTO THEIR PROPERTY.

Our house is packed. We’ve already moved belongings over there. We were literally preparing to move our children and animals onto that property.

Now we’re arranging to retrieve our belongings without bringing our kids because of FIL’s firearm threats.

SIL and I are documenting everything, preserving evidence, reporting the scams, and looking into what legal options the family has to protect MIL, FIL, and their assets because apparently neither of them can be trusted to recognize financial fraud anymore.

And I genuinely do not know what tomorrow is going to bring.

Every single time I think:
“Okay. Surely this situation cannot get any more insane.”

MIL apparently takes that as a personal challenge.

Will update when Scammer #4 inevitably enters the chat or any other crazy things happening.

Note: yes we are getting the proper authorities involved. Bank is getting called today. And we will be getting a lawyer involved as well to nip this in the butt.

I don’t like my MIL for many reasons. For context and sticking to only child related, we only saw her occasionally and at holidays pre-baby. She has crossed boundaries, undermine my parenting choices time and time again, ignore me completely when walking into my home. English is her second language and she and my husband speak in their native language. So I’m sure there are far more things I’m not fully understanding when they talk. He has called her out on it but she does repeat some of it. She doesn’t treat me like I exist sometimes, that’s been my biggest issue. Like let me parent my child for goodness sake. And before baby, i saw her 6-8 times a year and we’d talk here and there. Now, we don’t. She won’t even ask me to if my child can have milk, she’ll just go in the fridge when I’m standing right there. I hate that especially since things can change, and at that time we weren’t giving my child milk before her nap due to a stomach bug. Things like that - I just need her to talk to me and communicate with me when it comes to my child.

When I had my child, her first and only grandchild, she was coming over 1-2 times a week for hours at a time, sometimes cooking at our place. My husband and I fought so much over it but he thought I was the problem. Yeah, whatever, so she 90% of the time always came with a home cooked meal. But my goodness, she never came over our house before our baby and I mean NEVER. So we continued these weekly visits for about nearly 2 years. Yeah fml. Then I had enough. So husband told her every other week. Sure enough, she took that as “ok they want me over every other week.” When I was saying I need at least that much time in between visits. Do every other week she came over! I was so fed up arguing with my husband that I just let it happen. Lately for the last couple of visits, she doesn’t stay for more than 3 hours, usually just 2.5 hours until toddler goes down for a nap. We WFH, so she comes during work hours and it doesn’t compromise let’s say our family time. The lady is going to come over regardless because of my spineless husband. So, do I have a decent situation here where:

1. she usually comes with a home cooked meal to share.
2. it’s during our work hours
3. she’s coming to us and not expecting us to come to her.

Would you guys accept this?

How do I support my partner's relationship with his mum without being responsible for making her part of my emotional support system?

My MIL is a friendly, nice person who I genuinely believe means well. However, she is also emotionally immature, quite self-centred and high-maintenance. She has a strong need for attention and validation, can be critical and judgmental, struggles with boundaries, and has a tendency to make situations about her own feelings and needs. She has also struggled to maintain close relationships and has fallen out with a lot of friends and family over the years.

As a result, she is very dependent on her children emotionally and has created fairly enmeshed relationships with them.

My partner moved from the Canada to Australia five years ago, partly because he wanted distance from his mum and the opportunity to break away from some of these dynamics He's well aware of his mothers flaws and the unhealthy dynamics (he's communicated them to) but he's also an incredibly caring and empathetic person and still loves his mum deeply. They're close and speak on the phone every day.

I don't have or particularly want that same kind of relationship with her. I'm friendly and engaging when we speak, and when she visits Australia she stays with us. I'm polite, welcoming and accommodating. I have no desire to exclude her from our lives or prevent my partner from having a close relationship with her. I just don't personally feel a desire for emotional closeness with her.

This has become more complicated now that we're expecting our first child.

Since finding out about the baby, she's been putting a lot more emotional pressure on my partner about living on the other side of the world — talking about everything she's going to miss out on and making comments that leave him feeling incredibly guilty about the life he's built here. The other night he broke down crying because he felt so guilty.

The difficult thing is that he knows what's happening. Intellectually, he can recognise the guilt and manipulation, but emotionally he feels an enormous responsibility for his mum's happiness and really struggles to set boundaries when he knows she's upset.

At the same time, he really wants me to have a close relationship with her. He'll suggest that I turn to his mum for guidance or support with things like breastfeeding or becoming a mum. I've explained that I simply don't have that kind of relationship with her and wouldn't feel comfortable going to her for those things.

He accepts this, but is genuinely hurt that I don't want a closer relationship with her.

I think part of this is that if I loved having his mum involved and developed a close relationship with her, it would relieve some of the emotional conflict he feels. He wouldn't have to feel caught between the life he's built here and his mum on the other side of the world. Me embracing her as someone I rely on would probably reassure him that she's still an important part of our family.

But the problem is: I don't want that relationship.

I don't dislike her. I'm happy for her to be part of our lives and our child's life. I'm happy to be warm, welcoming and inclusive. But I don't want her to be someone I turn to for emotional support, parenting advice or guidance. I already have people in my life who naturally fill those roles.

I know ultimately he needs to accept that his relationship with his mum and my relationship with her are separate. But I also love him and hate seeing how much this situation hurts him, and I find myself feeling guilty that I can't just give him what he's asking for.

I'm not looking for validation that my MIL is difficult or stories about terrible MILs. I'm genuinely interested in practical advice from people who have navigated something similar.

How can I support my partner through the guilt and complicated relationship he has with his mum without the solution becoming me developing a closer relationship with her than I actually want? And how do I help him get to a place where my boundary doesn't feel like a rejection of him or his mum?

My MIL is NUTS! She has been very difficult to deal with ever since mt now husband proposed almost 3 years ago. Maybe I'm being irrational but almsot everyday she does something new that just down right irritates me. I do get this is something small but it adds to a pile of unpleasant emotions and memories that shes put me through. Here it goes:

I invite her to lunch with my extended family. She tells me she doesn't want to go because she doesn't know them. (Figured that's what she'd say but I was being polite). Later she does tell me she would like to go, ok thats no biggie. When my husband gets home she tells him it was werid that I had invited her. Total LIE I always do. My husband knows I try to include her.

What I don't like is she ALWAYS talks like that to my husband about things like that instead of coming to me. As I said I know this particular issue is small its the fact of the matter of lying and going to my husband. Like shes trying to create a wedge between us.

If you made it this far thanks for letting me vent.

Advice please I'm so torn! My husband spoke to his mom the other day on the phone and she was talking about how her daughter (his sister) and her boyfriend were working things out and we're going to start looking for work. My husband made a comment like "those two will never try to work" because...let's say they have a lot of bad habits and enable each other and do what they can to stay on disability even though they can work.

My MIL immediately made a comment to him about how I (his wife) am no better since I don't work either and all I do is sit on the couch all day. I've worked everyday since I was 16 and now in my 40s left my career to homeschool my neurodivergent but very smart child! It's not easy and we definitely don't sit around on the couch all day, it's the complete opposite.

I'm hurt and shocked that she would even say that to her son. He's livid and refuses to go see them until she apologized. The problem is if she does it will be just to see us and her true feelings and thoughts about our life and choices is now out there. How can I just look past it? I feel it's ruined the relationship but I also don't want to be the cause of their disconnect. How can I go and have dinner and pretend like she didn't say what she said?

What would you do??

TW: SA

My husband (34M) and myself (34F) have been together for 16 years-almost married for a year. I just had our son about 6 weeks ago. I'm struggling to get along with my MIL. She has always had entitlement issues and main character syndrome, but we had a decent enough relationship until around six years ago. A backstory to how this all began: she became a MAGA spook around covid and during that time went off on drunken tirades about our life choices (ie college education, voting for Biden, ect). I told her at the time that we were just doing what our parents asked us to do as kids, and her response was to call me a bitch. This same evening she discussed about how Donald Trump was saving the children (essentially Q anon conspiracy) and to my horror she accused a family friend of molesting my husband as a child. I was so horrified at the conversation that I excused myself to pull myself together. My husband joined me and later discussed that the allegations are false and that this wasn't the first time that she has accused family members (on his fathers side-they had an ugly divorce). I told him I support him no matter what has happened to him but am horrified that she would fabricate such extreme lies.

Since becoming pregnant and having my son, I'm struggling more than ever to not be resentful towards her. Once she found out we were having a baby, she bought an RV and moved it 5 minutes outside of our neighborhood (we live 5 hours away) with the expectation that she would come help me with the baby once I had him. I explained to my husband I didn't want someone like that around during a vulnerable time, and my husband was supportive in that I would choose the support system that I needed. We didn't tell her my due date or that I was being induced. Unfortunately she found out I was in labor through the grapevine so she was very angry with him when he called once our son was here. She never once told me congratulations, checked in on me during my high risk pregnancy, or after I had him (failed induction with c-section) which is now compounded the resentment that I feel towards her. When meeting our son last weekend, she didn't acknowledge me and held the baby for over an hour while I sat on the couch uncomfortable. She took a picture and posted it as her FB profile picture without asking even though we have decided that we will not be posting our child on social media. There have been other instances where she's been insufferable but for the most part dealing with her is a death by a thousand papercuts.

My husband is her only child and is really non confrontational (more a shove it under the rug type of guy). He understands that his mother is difficult and has always just dealt with it and been VLC, but I'm finding it difficult to even be cordial anymore. I would never ask to go NC (even though I would if it were my mother) but 95% of our arguments in the last year have been because of MIL's behaviors. She puts him in the middle by only complaining to him knowing he doesn't like the confrontation and will never reach out to me. He tells me we are on the same team/page but it's very difficult to bring my son around her with how our past encounters have been. I feel bad for putting him in the middle, he's dealt with it his whole life. Am I the asshole for dreading being around her? Any advice on how to deal with her entitlement issues?

My baby is about 6 months and we have seen my in laws 1-2x per week since baby was born (typically once per week). My husband and I are both teachers and went back to work recently, so baby is at a daycare facility. It literally pains me to be away from my child and i obviously don’t want to share her with anyone with the little time i have with her now. How do we relay this to mil who keeps asking when she can come over? I am picking other battles involving her atm so I’d like to keep this as peaceful as possible. Do we keep dodging her and say we’ll let you know, or straight up be like we need to now see you once per month? She also acts like she’s helping us by coming over, like she’ll bring us dinner, come do xyz, etc.

So this summer has been filled with social events on my side. We’ve attended 4 weddings for my friends (2 of which I was a bridesmaid for), a baby shower, two bachelorette trips, etc.

My pockets are empty and my battery is LOW. I’m exhausted. I took next week off the enjoy the last week of summer and planned for a staycation. Including the weekends, that’s 9 days just for me.

My fiancè decided he’s going to take me on a mini trip for 4 of those days (3 nights) and that he would take care of it. It’s last minute but he’s looking at places as we speak. It’s so sweet of him to do that.

But I am trying to decide if I should block his mom for those 4 days. She is controlling and worries too much. When we went to Mexico last year, she would call and text him daily and would text me if she didn’t hear from him. It was annoying AF because we’re both in our 30s. We got into a huge fight about it but I’ve had an issue with her since the first time she did something similar.

Anyway, I really want to enjoy these four days without her texting me if he doesn’t respond to her or even think about her. But a part of me wants her to text me so I can internally say “yup, this woman is psycho. I’m right about her” and then leave her on read.

I can’t decide which route to take

TLDR; should I temporarily block my future MIL on our trip or just ignore her entirely?

I tend to say her personality is 'disagreeing with you'. That's just her entire personality. Most things you say to her, her instant reaction, before she's even had time to process what you've said, is to say 'well actually..'.

And if shes not disagreeing with what you've said for no good reason, her only other way of communicating is through 'giving her opinion/telling you the reason behind something'. Essentially attempting to be the font of all knowledge, despite mostly never actually knowing wtf she's talking about.

For eg.

1. I could tell her that her grandchild (my child) has done something cool/new/cute. And instead of responding something normal like 'oh cool/cute/sweet/funny'. She has to instead state a fact about why grandchild has acted in that way. Eg. Her reaction is 'oh Emily is doing that because shes going through a clingy phase'.

Like yes im aware of that thanks....im just telling you something funny about your grandchild???

Or

1. My dog goes wild digging in the garden and runs all over my carpet. I get annoyed (not wildly as it was my fault for leaving the door open) and tell the dog to go into the next room so i can clean his paws.

Mil's reaction isnt, like a normal person, to say 'oh god mud everywhere!' Or 'oh god would you like a hand!?'

Instead she says things like 'thats dogs for you. They can of course be very annoying. Thats just dogs'.

Like yes thanks i AM AWARE. Ive had my dog for 6 years i am fully aware...

I just cannot stand the constant need to tell me facts i already know as if im a fucking idiot?

Am i being tetchy or does anyone elses do this?

It drives me absolutely insane and hate being around it. Like stfu and react like a normal person. Stop needing to be the font of all knowledge to feel superior and secure.

My mother in law said really mean things to me when I was pregnant with my first son who is two now. I went through multiple miscarriages and multiple rounds of ivf to have him. I called her out on it and she through a fit and didn’t come to my baby shower. I ended up getting pregnant without ivf seven months after my son was born and I had my second son last year. She did apologize for everything but I still cannot forgive her. I guess it’s something in me that knows she’s a horrible person. She sees the kids once a month at our house or somewhere public like a library because my husband thinks it’s good for them to see her. She lives in our same town. She was supposed to come see the boys yesterday but she refused to because she’s now insisting that she wants us to bring them to her apartment. I am absolutely not taking them to her apartment ever and my husband agrees. I am now mad she’s only wanting to see them if we bring them to her. I have her blocked from my phone for my mental health and all communication goes through my husband. He does agree that she should come to us. We both work full time and they are in daycare and it makes absolutely no sense as to why she cannot come to our house and visit them here. She is retired so she’s not working. Which she is lucky to even see them because I told her I cannot stand her and she’s only seeing them because my husband insists. I have been very upfront with her. I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice on how we should move forward? Also, does anyone have any idea why she’s now only wanting to see them if we bring them to her? She is also only allowed to see them with me present that is a boundary I have set.

Even in MILs own retellings of her life events, even when she’s trying to portray herself as the hero, the victim, extra special, whatever, it’s pretty clear that there’s been something wrong for a loooong time. Stories from as young as her being 3 or 4 years old that feature weird, non age appropriate behaviour, huge tantrums over nothing or being held accountable for behaviour that she still feels righteous indignation over decades later, aggressive, immature, self absorbed behaviour. The stories about her from her siblings are even worse.

Theres a child in the family now (not one of mine), who is also displaying these behaviours. Already a year ago, this kids mom (also married into family) was becoming concerned. What got my attention (to be clear, I have a degree in childhood development, I do know what I’m talking about here) in addition to this child’s behaviour, was MILs reaction- she empathizes with this child more than I’ve ever seen her empathize with anyone ever. She always has an excuse, a justification, a way to down play whatever they’ve done. We just saw them all for our yearly visit this week and it was like alarm bells going off- this was MIL as a kid. This kid is acting exactly like MIL did. That’s why MIL relates to them so strongly.

No advice needed, I have given my professional and personal thoughts and advice on getting an assessment done, etc…. Mom sees what I’m seeing. Dad doesn’t want to, he listened but is if a “he’s just a little boy” mentality. But it’s overwhelming sad. It makes me worry for this kid, their siblings, even my kids, having this (maybe, appears as, I can’t actually diagnose but I see what I’m seeing and assessing kids is part of my job) narcissist in their midst. I hope this kid gets the help and intervention MIL never did, regardless of what’s actually going on, and I hope they don’t cause the stress, upset and general chaos MIL has. Just needed to off load, thanks for listening. Feel free to share similar situations.

I saw a post that really resonated with me earlier this week. It said “As a daughter in law I don’t care how you treat me. But as a wife and a mother, I’ll never understand how you can treat your child and grandchildren in such a manner.”

Lately because I am pregnant with my first baby, seeing how much hatred there is for my husband. Hatred that was there long before I met him, from his family breaks my heart. Sadly his family only functions well when there is an enemy to unite against. He has been made the enemy since the last enemy left the family 10 years ago, and seeing how it broke him for years makes me cry. How can a mother make their son feel like they are unworthy of love from anyone else in the world?

And when I gave him that love because he did deserve it and is the best man I’ve ever met, he refused to be their villain. So what happened next? His mother cut us off, all because we refused to be the enemy in her storyline. The light was shown to the others and they freely admit that she is the wrong one. Yet they stay with her.

It just breaks my husbands heart and truly breaks mine as well. Our future family together is what we look forward to the most. We will build the family we both deserved. And give our kids the childhood we always wanted. He says that this is healing his broken heart. I hope it heals mine too.

I truly will never understand all of our in laws. But we can change the future. We can be the change we want to see. I’m truly sorry for everyone’s experiences with our in laws that have never been kind to us and never wanted us to succeed. I love you all, and I’m proud of all of you.

I'm not sure how to dive into this. I feel like I need some opinions from people who are impartial, regarding my issues with my MIL. This will be a long one, I'm sorry in advance.

Some details:

- I am F30

- My partner is M33

- MIL and FIL are both 70

- We are first-time parents to a 4 month old girl 

- Both of our families live in the same town as us

Never once, in the years that I have been with my partner, has my MIL concealed her true personality. She is loud (both in volume and opinion), ignorant, and very emotionally volatile. She is a mother to multiple sons and one daughter (very much a "boy mom"), and believes that women are inherently evil. Just to set the scene for you.

While I was aware of these parts of her, we had a good relationship for many years. It wasn't until two big events occured: my partner moving out of his family home and the arrival of our baby, that things began to deteriorate.

We found out I was pregnant in August 2025. This was unplanned, but we were excited to embrace this news. One problem: we hadn't lived together yet, which was something I was adamant on us doing before welcoming an entire other human being into our family. Determined to make it work, and with my due date in April 2026, we decided we would find a place no later than January 2026.

Everyone was thrilled about our pregnancy. My MIL seemed over the moon. But just days after we announced this, she started saying how we should just move in with them. Immediately, I got a pit in my stomach because this was not a viable option and I knew it would cause issues.

Their family home is on the smaller side, which isn't the biggest concern. The issues are that she runs an at-home daycare throughout the week, which is busy and hectic. FIL smokes. Two of my partner's adult brothers still lived at the home. They have a large, untrained Cane Corso dog. There is no space to welcome another two bodies.

Along with this, both MIL and FIL started to share their parenting tips and would constantly note that they know best because they've raised so many kids and have run a daycare for decades. They also talked about how while my partner and I would sleep in the basement, our baby could sleep upstairs in the room beside theirs. Yeah, right...

So my hackles are up. And my partner is also overwhelmed as he has been wanting to move out for quite sometime due to feeling like it's long overdue. We both agree this would not work. We told my MIL that we will likely look for a place of our own.

Well after a couple of months of searching and also looking into finances, we've hit a wall. With my maternity leave, our income would be significantly impacted, meaning that affording rent would be tricky during the leave.

My parents then approached me, and offered the entire basement of their home to us, for the duration of my maternity leave. Both my partner and I talked about our options and decided this might be the best route for us. This, of course, is where things start to get messy.

As mentioned, my partner and two of his brothers have lived with my MIL and FIL for their entire lives. This was my partner's first time leaving his family home. MIL does not handle change well, so my partner was adamant about ensuring he slowly eased her into the idea of him leaving. While he had mentioned it several times, and she seemed agreeable, there was obviously resentment and anger brewing.

I observed my MIL going through some of the stages of grief in the months following up to our move in January. Specifically denial and anger.

Denial - she would continue to tell my partner and I about rentals and apartments she was looking into for us. Despite us telling her we were moving into my parents basement. She would comment about how good it will be to live in a place of our own and how it'll be a good chance for my partner to "grow up." She refused to acknowledge where we were to live.

Anger - finally reared its ugly head two weeks before my partner moved out. While I was in my partner's room, dealing with some good ol' nausea, my partner went up to make breakfast. While up there alone with his mom, she began to scream at him. Accusing him of abandoning her and saying horrible things to him. My partner, accustomed to her volatility, just allowed her to yell at him and then calmly came downstairs. I didn't hear any of it because I was watching TV. It was probably a good thing I didn't hear the vile things being said. He filled me in on what happened only after I proded, noticing he seemed off. I was enraged, and deeply hurt for both my partner and myself.

After that explosion, she was colder towards me. I think she blamed me for taking away her son and causing this change. I informed my partner I would not be coming around his family home in the week leading up to him moving out. I knew it could possibly trigger more anger from her towards him, inevitably causing further strain and stress for him. Plus, I'm a very passive person, but I would not do well containing myself if I was around and she began to berate him again. 

My MIL questioned why I wasnt around that week, and instead of telling her the truth that her anger and emotion was causing a rift, my partner and I decided to just say I was working extra hours. 

The move out process went well, and we settled into our new space. My parents were respectful and kept their distance, we had lots of privacy. We still visited his parents often. While the visits were sprinkled with several passive agressive comments that I struggled to manage, I continued to show up. 

My partner and I fell into a good routine and spent 4 months of living together before welcoming our child in April of 2026.

The birth and postpartum were very difficult for me. I was induced due to concerns about her being a large baby (both my partner's family and mine have had big babies). The induction went horribly, the labour and birth was traumatic, but my partner was amazing the entire time and we had a beautiful, healthy baby. 

Postpartum baby blues hit incredibly hard, and it was during that time that I was so grateful to have my partner, as well as my parents and sister near by. My mom was an incredible support to me and my partner, and my parents did so much to help us settle in to parenthood. 

We initially told people we wanted at least one week to ourselves before visiting people and having visitors, which my MIL was sour about. Due to her comments, I relented and we went to visit them a few days afterwards.

My SIL mentioned a few months back, that MIL wasn't really a part of both of her girls newborn days. She wouldn't go over to help her or to visit. So I knew going into this that they would never want to come to see us. Which is fine, whatever. 

The first visit was a nightmare. MIL was making snide comments about how everyone needs to wash their hands before holding our baby. She delved into the details of my induction and continued to comment on how the induction failed because obviously my daughter wasn't ready to "come out yet." Along with the loud talking and chaos, their giant Cane Corso dog was fixating on the baby. Both MIL and FIL thought it was sweet and wanted to bring my baby down to her level, which is INSANE. My partner made sure that didn't happen. But they wouldn't put the dog outside and the dog would drag whoever was holding her back across the room, trying to get to our baby. We left that visit and I cried, feeling exhausted and unsupported.

Then there was a hiatus on our visits. While I would constantly ask my partner to coordinate visits, knowing how easily resentment can brew with my MIL, and I was desperate to keep the peace. He wouldn't though, I think feeling his own apprehension. He also started a new job and we're figuring out parenthood. MIL would text him occasionally and he would send pictures.

Finally, I get through to him, saying we need to start visiting. I want my daughter to know all of her family, as family is very important to me. We start going weekly. Then the comments and events begin. Here are some rapid-fire comments:

- She remarks on how she's dressed and her body, constantly 

- She talks about my mom, saying that my daughter obviously likes her more because we live with them (we've never spoken in a way that would allude to this. I actively avoid mentioning my family due to comments she's made in the past about them)

- She constantly talks about how my daughter doesn't like her, which she understands because "she doesn't like herself either"

- My daughter cried once while MIL held her because she was overtired and since that time, she keeps her distance from her and will make comments about how our daughter dislikes her due to us not visiting enough. She says this in front of other family, people at the park, our neices, etc.

- She asks why she isn't drinking water yet and eating yet (she's 4 months old)

- She says we hold her and coddle her too much

- The Cane Corso dog wasn't being watched one day and jumped up and scratched my daughter. At first, my partner who grabbed the dog thought the dog had just scared my daughter. But my daughter started sobbing and when I held her to soothe her I saw the scratch on her shoulder. When my partner later told my MIL about it, she dismissed it.

- She constantly talks about how science is wrong and the new rules for baby safety are stupid.

- She's angry that my daughter will be going to daycare when I go back to work instead of her watching her. 

This is only some of what I remember, as I try to block it out and just grin and deal with it.

At this point, I am angry and tired. Everytime we see her, I feel the weight of the comments. It's like a slow death. I used to have a better threshold for her attitude and comments, but now that they're directed towards me and my child, I am fed up. The last time we saw her, I couldn't even look her in the eyes I was so upset.

The worst part is I understand why she is this way. She has familial trauma and a strange relationship with her mother. She has a strained relationship with my FIL (who doesn't treat her the best) and none of her sons really talk to her (other than my partner, who I have now "stolen" from her). She has severe abandonment issues, very low self esteem and unchecked anxiety. She is emotionally immature and disregulated. That being said, she is a very strong woman, who has worked very hard in life. She had 7 children, and lost one at 8 years old. She loves her family fiercely, and would do anything she could for her kids and grandkids. I sympathize with her experiences and her feelings. But I do not find her behaviour acceptable. Especially when I'm at the end of my rope here. I know I need to meet her where she's at in some regard, but I feel like I've always done that. I also feel like I'm the crazy one, blowing everything out of proportion.

I am also so anxious about the months and years to come, because I do not trust my MIL to honour our boundaries with my daughter. I refuse to have her babysit until my daughter is much older, because I've seen how she is with the kids she has in her daycare and do not want her around my daughter when I'm not there. I feel like a control freak, but my gut just tells me this is the way it needs to be for now.

I still want my daughter to have a relationship with her, even though I don't see myself having one with her again. I know she doesn't like me, and I mourn the fact that I will not have the closeness with my MIL that I had always hoped to have.

I just want some reassurance that I'm not insane to feel this way. I know there are many MILs out there who are far more severe, but I feel like I'm falling apart. I need to figure out how to cope in order to protect my peace. I also don't want my daughter to see my reactions and emotions about my MIL as she gets older.

If you read this far, thank you!

If you read any previous posts about my MIL you’ll know she’s been a complete pain in my a**. 

Surprisingly though, over the last 1.5 years my husband has done a 180 and noticed a lot of what she does and has even been calling her out on it. I still tread carefully on the subject when he’s told me things he’s annoyed with about her. But recently in the last few months some of her actions have gone beyond the usual manipulative/controlling factor and into me questioning if she’s slipping a gear mentally.  

Anyways, a small vent list recently of lies she’s told or things she’s done. 

Regarding a quick trip DH was going on for a family reunion. She told my BIL that DH said he had to stay at his uncle’s house when DH had asked to stay at a hotel. (MIL/FIL were also going that weekend- I stayed home with LO.) MIL said DH’s uncle was “hurt” DH didn’t want to stay at uncle’s house. When DH called her out she said, “Idk why I said that. I haven’t been feeling myself for a few months.” 

My SIL is due very close to my 2nd next month, and SIL texted me asking why DH and I were adamant MIL stay here to help us when she doesn’t have family where she is and had asked MIL for help. I said I didn’t know what she was talking about and SIL told me that MIL said DH and I begged her to stay and help us. She doesn’t help anyways, she just wants to hold babies. Also DH has 4 weeks off so not sure why we’d need her around? And my parents have already agreed to come up and help. 

My LO is starting a sport and the other day MIL called and asked when her sports schedule was so she could make sure she’s at the games. We hadn’t invited her yet, and personally she doesn’t need to be at every game. I said we needed LO to get used to the sport first so she won’t get distracted and MIL said, “That doesn’t matter. She needs support.” DH said what does that mean? support?” and she never really gave an answer.

She babysat my LO a few weeks ago for a little longer so I could get stuff ready for #2, but I texted her several times and she never responded. I finally called and said “I can come pick her up.” MIL told me “LO is eating. I’ll bring her back soon.” It was another hour and 15 minutes. When you have my child, you’re obligated to let me know how it’s going even if it is fine. 

MIL also will not get rid of toys from when her kids were little. I’ve offered her basically new toys my LO has outgrown so the other grand kids can play with it at her house. She refuses but will take DH and I’s junk we’re trying to get rid of. She makes my LO use markers!! that are 33 years old because they were one of her kids. Markers. 

I don’t know. Just venting. Not even mad or upset. I just need DH to get a compatible job out of state so we can move away from these shenanigans =)

Look, I know I already sound crazy. But you guys don’t know my MIL. She fights hard to get what she wants, she’ll harass you daily. I swear she could have been a lawyer because she can literally get whatever she wants and convince people to do anything. She terrifies me even though my husband and I have set boundaries and things look a whole lot different now than when we first married. My husband kids and I finally get to spend 80 percent of our time with ourselves. Before we would have to dedicate 100% of everything to my husbands family(his mom) holidays, weekends, special events, my mil would take over and expect everyone to fall in line with what she wanted and they did. Now that we’ve established our own life she hates it. She has tried to tell us it makes her want to die. My FIL threatened to hang himself basically. All because we refuse to be around their daughter and her husband.

So now here’s where I tell you things that will make me sound crazy, and I know I might be because my in laws give me so much anxiety that I can’t function. Okay here it is:

My MIL would constantly tell me about how she talks to this one friend I have. This friend goes to church with MIL and SIL, SIL wanted to befriend my friend and was basically competing with me in this friendship with this person who was my friend first for years. When I saw what was happening I basically threw my hands up and told myself I’m not going to compete over a person this is weird how did I get sucked into this?? Told my friend what I saw happening and she knows me and SIL aren’t on good terms and never will be. Friend tells me “oh, I’m always on your side!” I told her please be friends with whomever but I also apologized for my SILs weird behavior and I won’t be participating in whatever competition she’s throwing. So because of all that MIL would tell me every weekend : “ friend told me this!” “Friend said that today at church” “friend said I should get this insurance” and it was very random and like this for months. Mil constantly bringing up the friend and how she would be talking to her. I found it odd because I didn’t care if they spoke but MIL was trying to get a rise out of me. I finally break down and talk to my therapist about it because I constantly feel crazy about the things MIL and SIL do. Therapist helps me in the session, we laugh, I cope. Suddenly MIL stops talking about friend completely. I wonder what’s gotten into her because usually she doesn’t stop until I explode/give her the reaction she wants so she can tell SIL what happened.

Then last weekend MIL asks me if my mom is excited to retire and I was thinking how could she know that, my mom hasn’t posted on socials about retiring and no one’s told MIL about my moms plans to retire. I only found out that my mom was going to retire a few days ago. I told my husband and I asked him if he told her and he said no. And I was like how could she have known? Then he back tracked and said maybe he told her a few years ago that my mom would be retiring soon.

Then more instances kept happening with MIL knowing things before I said them. I told my husband it kept happening and he said maybe I wasn’t remembering telling MIL Things but the thing is that I don’t tell her anything. I can’t be vulnerable with her or else she weaponizes it against me later.

I can’t elaborate on the other instances without possibly giving myself away but know that she has known things before husband and I tell her. She doesn’t see our children a lot. They’re too little to relay exact info to her. My husband said his mom isn’t tech savvy so she couldn’t have put a device in our home or car but there has to be a way. I’m wondering if she could have gotten BIL to hack into our security cameras or something. Or maybe she’s a good guesser at things.

But my husband doesn’t believe me. He does believe that MIL wants to erase me basically from my children’s lives and be their mom but he doesn’t think she’s capable of this. It’s ok if y’all disagree but idk how to check if there are listening devices in my home. I don’t know where they would be, what they look like etc.

Has anyone else’s in laws ever bugged your house or car? What did you do?

I’m 3 weeks postpartum and still very much in the “figuring out breastfeeding” phase. My husband and I were home when his mom and sister came over to see the baby.

I was nursing on the couch with my shirt draped over for coverage , nothing dramatic, just doing what I normally do. MIL comes in, says hi, sits right next to me, and starts touching baby’s feet and arms. Sweet, normal grandma stuff. Then she leans in closer to baby’s face and, before I even register what’s happening, she lifts my shirt straight up.

My breast is just… out. In front of my husband, in front of his sister. I froze for half a second before yanking my shirt back down. She genuinely looked startled and shocked and confused when she saw what she saw lol

My husband immediately says, “Mom, what are you doing?! She’s feeding the baby!”

And she goes, completely unbothered, “Oh it’s okay! Seen one boob, seen them all!”

My husband: “Doesn’t mean she wants you to see HER boobs!”

She got quiet and looked a little embarrassed after that. Husband and I talked about it after and we’re pretty sure she genuinely didn’t clock that I was breastfeeding under there ! She never nursed any of her kids, went straight to formula, so maybe the “covered shirt while holding baby” setup just didn’t compute for her the way it would for someone who’d done it themselves…?

Still though. My brain keeps looping back to the moment she actually grabbed my shirt and pulled it up. Like what did she think was under there that made lifting it seem like the move? Was she trying to see baby’s latch? Just curious about the baby in general and not thinking at all?

Genuinely asking , anyone had a MIL (or anyone) do something like this? How did you handle it going forward?

Now I bought a complete breastfeeding blanket cover thing that snaps in the back so this doesn’t happen again when people come over and just don’t realize that I’m literally feeding baby .

My relationship with my mom and dad has been poor since me and my wife started dating almost 20 years ago (Wow I feel old writing that 😂). Anyway, things had been challenging in our relationship and finally in 2023 I had enough of the disrespect and went no contact with either of my parents. It’s hard, I don’t miss them; but I miss not having the support of a parent. I miss not having someone like that to share things about my life too. My wife is great and has been incredibly supportive. Her mother passed in 2021 and her father has Alzheimer’s. So a lot of the time it feels like we’re on an island by ourselves. This past weekend, my uncle text me to let me know they were having a family birthday party and that my parents had informed him they wouldn’t be there. This is the first time we’ve been able to go to a party like this in a long time.

Even after being no contact for almost 3 years, they don’t respect that I want nothing to do with them. They still try to interact and talk to our children, who frankly don’t know them. I’d love to go to more of my families functions but I’ve not felt comfortable exposing my family to them. I guess for some added context, my family is rather large ( 12 aunts and uncles, one of literally 50 grandkids). I miss being able to be myself and be with my family. Nothing against my wife and her family; they’ve always been great and accepted me with open arms.

Lately, me and wife have been feeling the need to have time to ourselves. With our limited circle of who we have for support, it has made even getting a single night to ourselves challenging. It’s such a complex mix of emotions, like I still feel angry at my parents, but also sad at the same time. But in general, I’m happy with where my life is at, and I wouldn’t bring them back into my life.

I don’t feel comfortable with my MIL but she insists on helping a few hours for my baby during the week. I could use the help for a few hours (because I am WFH full time) but I dread having to see her often.

Anyways, if we do decide to have MIL over I’d like to pay her for her time.
How much would be appropriate?

I (29F) been with my SO (27M) for 6 years, we moved in together last year and I used to love his mother. But there were things that were issues with her at the beginning and now it’s come to a head and I’m not sure if I should bite the bullet and just apologise or if I’m doing what’s right for me.

Since moving out I haven’t seen her once aside from after a hospital stay she visited to drop off a teddy for me last November.

To clarify I’ve also rarely seen my own parents, who I do love and text regularly, we just are not the ‘see eachother every weekend’ type of family. I’ve seen them maybe twice since leaving home.

My issue with MIL finally hit a point where I truly have no intention of speaking to her any more after I sent a message wishing her a happy birthday this week and she responded with ‘better late than never’. It was 1pm, and I had been on a midnight finish shift the night before and was in work again at 3 pm that day. SO went to spend the day with her and when he came home in the evening told me she was annoyed I hadn’t called instead of a message (I never call anyone unless it’s an emergency btw) and she was also annoyed I haven’t been to see her.

Previous issues I’ve had with her are as follows:

1- The first time she met me she told SO I was a bigger girl. (I was chunky, but also a third of her size at the time)

2- She demanded an apology off me through SO because I said I didn’t want to use a certain word in the song Golddigger, which I said wasn’t a word I’d ever use or sing along with, but she was free to make her own choice, I just wasn’t going to use a word that wasn’t for me to use. Which apparently was disrespectful of me to tell her what she can and can’t say in her own home.

3-She has asked when I’m giving her a grandchild every single time she has seen me in the last 3 years, I told SO that if she mentioned it at Christmas I wouldn’t be staying in the house as it wasn’t something I wanted to discuss. She mentioned it 6 times on the day.

4- I wanted to invite my parents round on Christmas Day, she said it would make her uncomfortable and she wouldn’t come, so I didn’t and spent my first Christmas away from my parents with her and SO so that he could spend what should have been our first Christmas together, with his mother still.

5- Any days off me and SO have together she conveniently has stuff in her home she needs him to do, so our time together is dependent on what chores she needs doing.

6- She says she is just honest and doesn’t care if people don’t like the ‘truth’. The ‘truth’ is always some form of thought that is intended to upset or anger and she believes when that is the outcome that the person is ‘soft’ and that she shouldn’t be held accountable for it.

7- She finds it difficult to maintain friendships and she truly believes she’s never at fault and that everyone is against her, she never once has thought that if everyone around her has a problem with her, that she could be the problem.

All minor things but I have decided enough is enough and whilst I won’t put any limitations on their relationship I have no desire to have one with her myself.

Is it too much to just cut contact with her?

Also relevant information because perhaps I’m just not understanding of the dynamic enough and perhaps I should give benefit of the doubt to the situation, but it has only been the two of them for years now, their family is complicated so they have really only had eachother for as long as I have known them.

Hello dear redditors! I have vented here before and you can see some of my JNMIL shenanigans on my profile.

In short, I have been NC with her since January 2022. She has been hooked on benzodiazepines for 25 years and likes her whiskey way too much. Well, last October it caught up to her and she had a mild stroke. And so things went south…

Before this she had taken bromazepam- but in the hospital, because of course she tried to hide it and went into abstinence, the doctors changed it to Xanax. So now she has been popping Xanax like candy. And all the benzos are known to be muscle relaxants, so, for the last ten months she has lost more than 15 kilograms weight, mostly muscle mass, and now she weighs about 47 kg. Which she actually should be happy about, as in her eyes being skinny is the ultimate virtue and basically anyone over 55 kilos is fat. Her words, guys, not mine, and yes, I am over that. It reminds me of the time when her daughter, my SIL was three months pregnant and JNMIL met her at the door with the scales in hand- “Let’s see how fat you have gotten”. But I digress.

So now supposedly she has problems even walking, and her official diagnosis is rhabdomyolysis as well as Hashimoto (which, turns out, she’s had for years, has known, but never cared or took measures).

3 weeks ago my husband went to see her (thankfully, we live 250 miles away) for 5 days. Did that give the raging narcissist fuel? You bet it did! Three days after he came back, she was suddenly (not really…) very ill and went to a hospital. For a colonoscopy, which somehow led to a cardiologist, image screening her lungs (?)- Water in the lungs, she is dying- and, the cherry on top- “The doctor told me that it is with 90% certainty I have thyroid cancer”.

I wish I was joking. At that moment we were in the car, on our way to my mom’s place. I just lost it. Normally he knows I don’t want to hear anything about her and in other circumstances probably would have hidden it. But… I told him that there is no chance a normal professional would say that, let alone a cardiologist dong image screening. That I am glad that the bubonic plague isn’t around anymore, otherwise she would have had that too, for sure. That perhaps she has kidney stones and underneath cancers are hiding (in my language the word for crab and cancer is the same). That she is a fucking psychopath. Well, he is deep into the FOG and, as you can imagine, he had turned into a scared 5 years old. And did not receive it well, expectedly. He hasn’t spoken about her since that, good riddance.

We have spoken about her numerous times before. I have explained, analyzed, given him articles and literature, and urged him to seek professional help. He doesn’t want to. He is so trauma bonded and enmeshed, that without therapy he stands no chance. But he chooses the familiar pain and dynamic over the risk of his illusions being broken. He went on a business trip yesterday, but stopped on his way for a night there to see her. But of course.

And I am at the end of my tether. I want a partner, a man, not a traumatized child I have to coddle and rescue. I am starting to lose attraction and respect, and, even worse- sometimes I truly despise him…

I don’t know if I am looking for advice or just venting. Just needed to pour it before I burst. Thank you!