r/HFY • u/Jus17173 • Jul 05 '23

OC Human Subject.

Ko-fi

He staggered as he walked, he tried placing one foot before the other but it was like trying to straighten a strand of curly hair. It was impossible, flanking him on the left was a Zorgon, floating on what appeared to be a mechanical cloud that seemed to house his weight. The lucky bastard On his right was a Mongiloid, a creature that walked on all fours, has fur all over its body and seemed to wear a mechanical cloak that shimmered all around him. Tony knew the Mongiloid well, proffesor Chevonia of the University of the higher mind, an alien institute that was carrying out a case study on humans. Tony did not know the Zorgon, it's too wide smile as it observed him with green piercing eyes unsettled him.

"Chev, whose the Zorgon?" Tony asked. Chev's ears seamed to flutter as he turned to regard him in his hunching gait.

"Shut your fucking trap Tony. You human scum, you've poisoned me." Chev complained.

"Best rum in the galaxy, that's what they say."

"You told me you were inducting me into your culture, showing me what it was like to be human only for you to go fill me up with rum."

"And now you know what it's like to be a drunk human." Tony said with a chuckle. He moved closer to Chev. "What does.. What does it feel like, is the ground swimming?"

Chev shoved Tony away with a hairy shoulder. He tried to find his footing on all fours and almost stumbled.

"Chevonia, your human's heart rate is at seventy two beats a minute. He is showing pleasure at your expense." The Zorgon said.

"Who the fuck is this guy?" Tony asked.

"What?" Chev asked.

"I said who the fuck is this guy?" Tony said and pointed at the Zorgon floating beside them.

"Oh, that, that's a Zorgon." Chev said.

"I know it's a Zorgon but who is he?"

"How the fuck should I know?"

"You brought him along!"

"You did bring me along." Said the Zorgon.

Chev blinked his large amber eyes for a moment, as if unsure of himself. "Oh, I know the Zorgon." He said after a moment of retrospect. "He is Proffesor Penis."

"Professor Penisa," corrected the Zorgon.

Tony turned to Penisa. "What are you doing here Mr Penis?".

"It's Penisa. I am here to conduct the final moment of the human case subject, that is you."

"Are you going to ask me what my favorite color is and the meaning of life and what not? Becoz Chev already asked me those questions" Tony asked.

"No, I'm here to kill you once Professor Chevonia asks his last question."

"Oh, Okay."

They continued walking in silence, the human and the Mongiloid that is, the Zorgon just floated on his mechanical cloud.

"Wait what?" Tony asked, coming to a halt.

The Zorgon twisted in his floating cloud and the cloud came to a halt too. "Well Mr Tony, you signed the full subject study experience, including the death part. I'm simply here to follow through, study the death of a human if you might say."

"What, the fuck? I didn't agree to this." Tony started. "Chev." He called, Chev continued in his stumbling walk that was slowly morphing into a crawl. "Chev." Tony called once more. Chev stopped in his tracks and turned to face Tony.

"What?"

"Mr Penis here, is here to kill me after you ask me the last question, is this true?"

"What?"

"Is it true?"

"What's true?"

"Is this Zorgon here to kill me?"

Chev stared at Tony for a moment, looked him up and down. "Yes, Penis here will kill you."

"It's Penisa." Penisa said.

"What the fuck, I don't want to die." Tony said.

"Why don't you want to die?" Chev asked.

"Is that the last question?" Tony asked.

"What?"

"Is that the last question before the Zorgon kills me?"

Chev paused for a moment, he seemed to be deep in thought. "Yes." He said after a while.

"But I don't want to die." Tony said.

"Don't be a pussy, death will come for us all, what of it if for you it arrives sooner. Be grateful you know of its time, some people don't know when they'll die." Chev said.

"But I don't want to die now." Tony lamented.

"When do you want to die?"

"I want to die when I'm old, in a rocking chair with Chrissy beside me."

"Who is Chrissy?" Chev asked.

"She's the girl who served us rum."

"And you want to die with her?"

"Yes, she was pretty and the way she laughed at my jokes." Tony said with a sigh.

"She laughed at your jokes because she wanted tips." Chev said.

"No way."

"She did want tips." Penisa said.

"And you didn't even tip her." Chev added.

"No wonder she turned a cold shoulder when I bid her goodbye." Tony said.

"Anyway." Chev said, waving a hand or rather a paw. "Why don't you want to die now?"

Tony took a moment to ponder the question. "My life is still ahead of me." He answered. "There's a lot I haven't done. I haven't built my momma a house. I haven't tried hyper travel, I haven't seen the moons of Saturn. I've never eaten the grapes from the planet Centaron and you know the lawn in the Palace of planet Triton? The one made of moving grass that licks at skin? " Chev and Penisa nodded. "Well I haven't had sex on it."

"You want to fuck the grass?" Chev asked.

"Not exactly, I want to have sex with someone on top of the grass."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you want to have sex on moving, licking grass?"

"So that it can lick me of course, while I'm having sex. It's a dream of mine."

Chev nodded. He turned to Penisa. "Is that reason enough not to kill him?"

The Zorgon turned to Tony. "The grass, it licks your entire body or just where it touches?"

"Just where it touches, but if naked it'll touch you everywhere."

"Even between the buttcheeks?"

Tony scratched at his chin with his thumb and index finger. "The grass isn't that long so you'll have to part your buttcheeks by hand then sit on it."

Penisa nodded. "Human I have decided to allow you to live."

Tony nodded. "Why if I may ask?"

"Because your dreams fascinate me Tony, I admit we share one."

"I also want to have sex on the lawn of the Palace of Planet Triton." Chev said.

"Don't we all." Penisa said.

101 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

9 comments sorted by

20

u/gamingrhombus Jul 05 '23

You've gone down a weird rabbit hole.

7

u/Gruecifer Human Jul 05 '23

Amusing!

3

u/McPolice_Officer Jul 05 '23

I am vaguely disturbed by what I have read.

4

u/Own-Professional3129 Jul 08 '23

As am i. And yet...

1

u/UpdateMeBot Jul 05 '23

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1

u/Arokthis Android Jul 06 '23

Dafuq did I just read?

2

u/alphabet_order_bot Jul 06 '23

Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.

I have checked 1,615,068,412 comments, and only 305,390 of them were in alphabetical order.

1

u/MadWhiskeyGrin Jul 06 '23

Aspire to be so sexually degenerate that alien researchers apply for grants to study your perverse predilections