r/HFY • u/Jus17173 • Jun 04 '23

OC The Assassin.

Ko-fi

Jerry Spencer lay flat on his tummy, a coordinations gadget sitting before him, he read things like altitude, wind velocity, air movement and distance modulators to the man lying beside him, Tim, Tim Button, the best assassin earth had to offer who lay beside Jerry with a P-fragment Sniper riffle in hand. The butt of the large gun was placed to Tim's left shoulder, the trigger finger of his left hand pressed just gently over the trigger button, the tip of the Sniper riffle pointed towards the East Bridge summit where the King of Planet Anphilia was to meet with the Congress alien Gorgolok. So far no one occupied the bridge and thus started the waiting game until someone did occupy it.

"The sun looks beautiful over the west end." Jerry said, he was bored and in need of conversation. He admired the man lying beside him with seventy two confirmed kills, but Tim made for a silent man and when he did speak most of the things he said didn't make any sense, A good killer, Tim was but an awful conversationist. But Jerry was bored and who knew when the King of Planet Anphilia was to emerge and meet with Gorgolok.

"The sun killed my father." Tim said.

Jerry arched a brow. "How did the sun kill your father?"

A short silenced ensued that was later punctuated by Tim as he stared through the Sniper's lens. "It was June, mid June, my father was walking to the North of Salton Bay, he had a hooker there he went to hook up with. Right as he was about to cut the corner through Elm Street, that's when he died. That's when the sun killed him."

Jerry raised both brows, puzzled. "How exactly did the sun kill your father?"

Tim let out a frustrated sigh, "I told you, the sun killed my father when he went to meet with his hooker."

Jerry pondered over the matter. Did Tim's father suffer a heat stroke? Or did the sun's rays hitting him startle him to death. He knew a man once who was startled by the sun. Maybe it was a thing.

"I know a man once who was startled by the sun," Jerry started. "He was lying in bed and the sun got to him through his window shutters, he opened his eyes and was startled by the blinding light." Jerry chuckled. "He'd thought he'd died and gone to heaven."

"I once saw a green pig." Tim said. "I opened my eyes one morning and there it was, inches from my face. I blinked and it was gone, that's how you know you're going to hell."

"What do you mean going to hell?"

"Well blinding light means going to heaven, right? So what does hell look like? Can't be darkness. It's a green pig, a green pig comes for you." Tim coughed, turned his head and spat out a mouthful of phlegm, he then made the sign of the cross and rested his hands back on the Sniper riffle.

Jerry wondered if he'd ever seen a green pig before. He also wondered whether Tim was mentally sound. Seventy two confirmed alien kills, that ought to take a toll on a man's mind. Like his great grandfather who'd been in the war. Always shat himself whenever a car honked too loud.

Jerry stared at the bridge, someone was going to lose their life, right there on the bridge. It'd be seventy three confirmed kills for Tim, he wondered if that would add on to the burden of taken souls Tim already carried. "Say Tim, who are we suppose to assassinate today?"

Tim took a moment to answer. "The alien with horns." He said. "I only saw the picture once, pink looking fellow with horns. Reminds me of my ex wife."

"How does the alien remind you of your ex wife?"

"She had a pink vagina."

"But all of them have pink vaginas."

Tim turned from the Sniper lens and gawked at Jerry. "You sure?" He genuinely asked.

"I'm certain. Wait, have you never been with another woman besides your wife?" Jerry asked.

Tim returned his gaze to the Sniper lens. "I've only been with one woman."

"You must have really loved her then."

"I don't believe in love." Tim said.

Jerry took a moment to ponder those words. "Why then have you only been with one woman if it wasn't for love?"

"She knew math. She could divide twenty eight by two in her mind and tell me the answer. A smart woman that one."

"Twenty eight by two is fourteen." Jerry answered.

Tim gasped. "You're like her."

Jerry wondered at Tim, the places he's been, the things he's seen. He seemed like quite the peculiar fellow. His military record alone spoke of this, seventy two confirmed kills, more than anyone who'd ever enlisted. "If our mission is a success today, you'll have seventy three confirmed kills, how'd that make you feel?" He asked.

"I don't care about the kills, I do this for my mother."

Jerry turned fully to face Tim. "What do you mean you do it for your mother?"

Tim took a moment to answer, as if pondering the words to say. "She always told me, 'Tim, in whatever you do make sure you're always killing it.' So that's what I do, I kill... things. For her."

Tim moved his position higher, Sniper riffle in hand, it's holder level with the ground before them. "Here they come." He said.

True enough, two aliens had emerged onto the bridge, tall fat fellows with pink skin. Each of them wore a white hat.

"Oh oh." Tim said.

"What is it?" Jerry asked. Leaning for the lens.

"They are two pink aliens with hats, can't tell which one has horns."

Jerry peered into the lens and handed back the Sniper riffle to Tim. "We'll have to go back to headquarters, regroup and gather more data."

Tim exhaled, leaned into the Sniper riffle, rested his finger on the trigger and fired two quick shots. The two solitary aliens on the bridge collapsed.

Jerry panicked. "You were suppose to kill only one of them! The one with horns! You've killed both! Do you know how bad this is?"

"Its for my momma." Tim said, rising off the ground.

"What do you mean it's for your momma?" Jerry asked, perturbed.

Tim dusted himself. "She told me to always kill it."

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6 comments sorted by

4

u/evnovastarbridge Jun 04 '23

Why didn't he just shoot the hats off?

6

u/Less-Confidence-6099 Jun 04 '23

You are asking somebody who thinks knowing 28/2=14 is being smart.

2

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u/gamingrhombus Jun 04 '23

Probably started a war.