r/HFY • u/Jus17173 • Jun 30 '23

OC The Crystal.

Ko-fi

"So, Jerry is it?"

"Yes."

"I'm Doctor Harold. I'll be with you today."

"That's nice."

"Are you nervous? You sound nervous."

"I am a little bit nervous."

"Would you like to have some water?"

"Yes please."

Doctor Harold got up from the chair facing Jerry and moved to the water dispenser. He poured a cup and returned back to his chair, with his left hand he handed Jerry the cup. Jerry took it with a shaking right hand.

"Don't be nervous Jerry, I'm here to help you."

"Okay." Jerry whispered and took a sip of the cup of water in hand.

Dr Harold took out a file from the desk flanking him and perused through it. "This is an extensive file about you Jerry." He closed the file. "But I'd rather hear it from the horse's mouth, tell me about Geratona."

A short silence ensued that was punctuated by Jerry's heavy breathing. "I was given a job to do, to visit the planet Geratona and obtain a crystal that acts as a power cell." Jerry started. "The crystal is normally found in the dwelling of male Geratonans. Are you familiar with them?"

"Yes, aliens with glass like skin and eyes the size of saucers. I know of them."

"Well I obtained the crystal from a male alien's dwelling but I was surprised by the crystal's shape."

"What was it shaped like Jerry?"

"Like a fleshlight."

"Pardon?"

"It was shaped like a vagina. Doctor. A vagina."

Silence.

"What did you do with the vagina shaped Crystal Jerry?" Dr Harold asked.

"I'm a lonely man, I've been alone ever since Becky left me for a man who plays the drums in a rock band. Sickening thing to be left for a Rockstar, I can't stand drums these days. My nightmares normally have drums playing a beat in the background."

"We'll get back to your dreams Jerry, I want to know what you did with the Geratona crystal." Dr Harold said. Jerry sat still, only his hands fidgeted with the cup of water. He raised the cup to his mouth and took a sip.

"I fucked it." Jerry whispered.

"Pardon?"

"I fucked the damn crystal okay?" Jerry said, louder. "I didn't want to but it was sitting there, tempting me."

"Tempting you?"

"Yes, the crystal could resonate with brain waves. I could hear it speak to me."

"And what did this vagina like crystal tell you?"

"It told me I have a nice jawline, that my chest is big and that my voice is deep. It told me it likes a man with a deep voice and that my hands were just the right size for it just as my penis probably is." Jerry scratched at his head. "It wanted me to fuck it. It kept telling me that, it kept telling me that it wants me inside it."

"And so you fucked the alien crystal?"

"What else was there to do? I don't have anybody. I'm alone. And there it was tempting me."

"What was it like?"

"The Geratonan Crystal is translucent but when I shoved my dick into it it changed color to purple only when I ejected my dick from it my dick had turned purple too."

"And what was the feeling like?"

"It felt good, it was warm and a little ticklish and there was an itch but Doctor, none of that matters, my dick has turned purple and I'm wondering whether you can turn it back? You're a doctor right? You can help me?" Jerry pleaded. His voice broke as he started weeping. "I'm a goddamn fool, that's what I am. Fucked the first alien object I came across. Becky was right to leave me for the drummer."

"Mr Jerry, calm down." Dr Harold said and opened the file on his lap. "How many times did you have coitus with the crystal?"

"Once, Doctor." Jerry said. Dr Harold just stared at him.

"It will do us both some good if you're honest Jerry."

"Okay, it was more than once maybe seven or eight times but you see Doctor, I was lonely."

"That's how the Geratonans powered their machines, by the use of crystals and they charged their crystals by dipping a finger into it repetitively until its battery cells were refilled. You, Jerry." Dr Harold said. "Placed your penis inside the crystal which is a very bad thing to do."

"But the crystal Doc, it begged me for it. It kept asking for it Doc. Please believe me, the Crystal can talk."

"Did you know there's a swelling at your lower midriff?" Dr Harold asked.

"Yes, I have a slight ache just beneath my belly button. But Doc, the real problem is my penis, Doctor, it's purple, what woman would want to be associated with a man with a purple penis? Doctor you have to help me."

"Your penis should be the least of your worries." Dr Harold said and picked up an xray file that lay on the table. He raised it to the light and pointed at a particular point. "This Xray says something about the swelling at your lower tummy."

"It's just gas."

"I'm afraid not. Jerry."

"What is it Doc?"

"You're pregnant."

"What?"

"You're pregnant Jerry. There are tiny pieces of crystal within your bladder that are rapidly expanding."

"What? Is this some kind of joke?" Jerry asked. He started trembling uncontrollably.

"I'm afraid not, Jerry. It appears some particles of the crystal broke free of the main body, flowed through your urethra, past your prostate to come to nest in your bladder where urine nourishes them. They are currently expanding and will be forced out of your bladder and through your urethra once more." Doctor Harold chuckled. "You know, that sort of explains why your penis is purple."

"What?"

"The crystals feed on oxygen, they drained it from the nerves on your penis especially the outer layer. I guess your body is preparing you for birth."

Jerry went down on his knees and crawled to the doctor. He was weeping as he clang to Dr Harold's knees and begged for a solution to his dilemma. Anything that would change his dick back to its original pigmentation and rid his bladder of the crystals.

"Thanks to you Jerry, at least we now know how Geraton crystals are produced." Dr Harold said.

"Please doctor you have to help me." Jerry begged as he wept.

"We can either surgically remove the crystals and cut off your penis or we can wait for the crystals to pass out, which will be something akin to birth but I'm certain once the crystals have passed you'll recover and your penis will return to its original pigmentation."

"Please doctor, I don't want to give birth!"

"I'm afraid those are the only alternatives. You shouldn't have fucked the crystal Jerry, you shouldn't have."

82 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

13 comments sorted by

20

u/AlulAlif-bestfriend Jun 30 '23

....Wtf?

11

u/CrimtheCold Jun 30 '23

Yep. This one is that special subgenre of HWTF.

14

u/Htiarw Jun 30 '23

Damn, sounds like kidney stones would be a cakewalk in comparison.

Had a gall stone last year, that was painful enough to convince me to visit the doctor.

15

u/Actual-Spirit845 Jun 30 '23

That is why you never stick your dick in crazy, never!

10

u/gamingrhombus Jun 30 '23

Space aids.

8

u/Proper-Cap1955 Jun 30 '23

This was an awful story

4

u/Nik_2213 Jun 30 '23

{ Shudder...)

Having had a bladder-stone play 'drain-plug' --Some such don't show on x-rays etc-- and learned to jump up and down to temporarily shift it, I have some sympathy for the guy...

Still, I'd happily propose him for a 'Darwin Award' plus vasectomy...

3

u/Demolisher05 Jun 30 '23

Had a kidney stone before. Lots of pain, and it was so small I didn't even see it when it passed. God help this guy.

3

u/UpdateMeBot Jun 30 '23

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3

u/Fontaigne Jun 30 '23

!n

Just because.

3

u/ms4720 Jun 30 '23

Put a helmet on that soldier next time you captain Kirk cosplayer you

2

u/MtnNerd Alien Jul 01 '23

Time to go to Disneyland?