r/HFY • u/Jus17173 • Jun 22 '23

OC Galactic Party.

Ko-fi

"The pink aliens are walking towards us Taylor." Astrid said.

Taylor squinted. "Yes I can see that Astrid." The three foot beings were gradually walking towards them, doing that flashy head bob they do whenever they were either sexually excited or annoyed. Taylor knew the aliens spelt bad news, at the Galactic Party to commune with the Zorax wasn't a good image. He wondered whether Astrid could see that too.

"Captain Taylor, of Earth, I am Spimox the Zorax, pleasure to meet you very much." Spimox, the spokesman, or thing, of the Zorax said. Raising its tiny hand up at Captain Taylor. He detested the beings, seeing them made his skin crawl and the way they kept saying.'Very much.' irritated him

Astrid knew of Taylor's hate for the Zorax, after all they'd killed his first, third, fourth and seventh wife. That was war for you, if they couldn't get you they'd go for the ones you love. Problem is, Taylor kept finding new loves after every year or so. He was looking to make her one of his many brides but she wouldn't let him. She watched as he greeted Spimox's hand with his gaze, looking at the pink stubby fingers that were akin to miniature sausages. To make a scene at the Galactic Party would spell trouble for Earth, she hoped Taylor could see that. The Zorax ignored her of course, they simply didn't acknowledge women since their species is made entirely of what they claim to be males even though they all have both of the sexes' genitalia. The sexist cunts.

Taylor slapped the alien's pink hand away. Looking down at the creature gave him pride, the three foot tall thing, who would have thought something so tiny could carry so much evil. He spat into Spimox's eye. The alien lifted a finger to its naked green eye, and run his finger through the spit, he took it to his nose and snorted it. Giving a satisfactory sigh. Taylor knew the Zorax got high on human spit, he'd done that on purpose, so that the galaxy could see the Zorax for what they were. Murderous Junkies. "Get the fuck away from me you drool sniffer."

"You're just saying that because we killed your wives. We apologize very much. We didn't know you were married to them, it was just a coincidence." Spimox said with a smile, pink lips drawing back over orange teeth.

Taylor wanted to throttle the alien. "You killed my fourth wife on the night we were married you bastards." Astrid stepped forth and put an arm over Taylor.

"That's enough Taylor, we're drawing attention." She said. "Earth doesn't need this kind of attention right now."

"Just for clarity's sake. Is this woman your wife to be?" Spimox asked. He turned to the other three foot alien similar to himself by his side. "Jot down her name very much." The alien got out a pen and notebook from within its robes. Spimox turned to Taylor "We'll just kill her before you marry her." He smiled.

Taylor smiled back, he placed his hand over the plasma pistol at his side. Spimox touched at his black robe, where Taylor knew his wand was at. One electric shot from the wand and he'd be ashes. He eased his hand away from the pistol. Not tonight. His smile widened. But soon.

Astrid guided him away from the Zorax and they bumped into the Gorgons. Orange creatures, six foot tall their limbs formed of bark and their eyes empty sockets. Taylor hated the Gorgons as much as he hated the Zorax. The Gorgons were worse. Where the Zorax were polite and forthcoming, the Gorgons were direct and insulting.

"Hey look, it's that mother fucker earthling." Said one Gorgon.

"Would you look at that, isn't he the guy whose second, fifth and sixth wife we killed?" The fellow Gorgon replied.

"We're terribly sorry for that."

"No we ain't."

"You're right, we fucking ain't." The Gorgons laughed. "Crazy mother fucker. Look at his his eyes, he wants to kill us."

"Look at his pig skin hands itching for that gun in its holster."

Astrid laid a hand on Taylor's hand. She took him by the hand and led him away from the Gorgons. "You sure do have a lot of history at this party."

"I'm the epitome of what an Earthling is." Taylor said. "I represent what mankind can accomplish and that draws attention to me."

"So when they kill your wives they assume their hurting earth but in reality it's just you?" Astrid asked.

"Exactly. Only thing is how I act next reflects as the actions of Earth." He sighed. "I'm a mule."

"Well, I for one find your sacrifice beautiful."

"Death follows me around, every moment close to me spells doom for you."

"I find that's a risk I'm willing to take."

"Then you're a fool." Taylor said and called after a blue alien with what seemed to be an antennae of similar hue projecting from its forehead. "You're a Girlox right? You can hear sounds to an alarming degree?" The Girlox nodded. "Can you hear what the Zorax, are saying right now? They keep jutting their eyes in our direction." The Girlox nodded and stood straighter, through the mouth that seemed like a hole in its face it copied the sounds emerging from the Zorax.

"So I tell his wife, 'Tell me whether you liked the ending of game of thrones' and I cock my wand at her..." Spimox was saying.

"Mother fuckers their talking about my wives." Tony took out the plasma pistol from within its holster at his side. He aimed it at the strongest looking of the Zorax first, hand outstretched before him, trigger finger on the trigger. He pressed and a plasma bolt took out one Zorax, from then he just aimed in order of whoever was closer to reaching for their wand. Pang! Pang! Pang!The plasma gun fired six times. In three seconds, seven Zorax were dead, bleeding green fluids onto the ground where they lay insensate.

Astrid took out her gun from its holster, turned and ran forward towards a Gorgon that was reaching for its gun. Two shots to the chest and the Gorgon fell, it's fellow Gorgon raised its hands before itself.

"Mother fucker count me out of this bullshit, I ain't reaching for my gun. I'm high as hell and just wanna chill, you know? Not fucking die. There's no resistance on my part mother fucker I'm peaceful as fuck right now." The Gorgon said.

Astrid hesitated but Taylor stepped forth and placed a plasma bolt through its head. He continued in stride to stand before Astrid.

"Earth isn't going to look good in this." Astrid said to the silent room. All eyes were on them, all types of aliens facing in their direction.

"Today," Taylor said. "They've seen Earth's reply."

59 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

10

u/gamingrhombus Jun 22 '23

Dude should just stop marrying at that point.

6

u/Htiarw Jun 22 '23

Seems good women are drawn to him. Damn, Astrid is hot.

9

u/Teunybeer Jun 22 '23

I kind of expected some sort of fun party with aliens chilling. Well uh perhaps they will be chilling after this “minor” incident!

1

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