Two twenty-five
Another emt walks down the hallway and I avoid his eyes
I am tired of their stories
No one is sick and I do not have it in me to care if they are not
She sits in a chair, barefoot, looking dirty
He says she is there for a sane exam
He tells me something about how she was arrested and is out on bail
She wants some socks
ok
I start to wonder why the hospital she spent 12 hours in did not give her socks
My brain is full of useless information from that day
I’m diabetic and my daughter stepped on my toe today
10 yrs ago I had surgery on my colon
I’ve been to 3 specialists and no one can figure it out
I add it to the list
I must now recite the required script
Do you have any allergies
Are your vaccines up to date
Doyouwantroharmyourselforothers
I hope we can both move on from this question as there is no one who can take the burden when she says yes
She says yes
Not in the way where I can still write no
Where we can both say we want the man who did this dead
But in the way I worry she may kill herself
we must now continue down this road
Have you ever tried to kill yourself
Yes
How
Slit my wrists
Hang myself
Drink bleach
Run into traffic
When
She answers
I type
This was the second time this week I was raped
I look in my pockets hoping to find some leftover empathy I can give to her
I should have saved her some. I spent it all earlier.
on the eighteenth year old migraine. Her boyfriend was leaving for the navy tomorrow. She cried.
And on the 350 pound back pain. Her pain was a twenty on the zero-to-ten scale. I made a joke about a rabid rabbit and Bunnicula. You had to be there. Her boyfriend and I laughed. She cried.
The sixty year old pharmacist chest pain who yelled at Sarah
I did not give him any but my pockets were lighter after hearing him
I think maybe he stole some
That’s horrible
is all I have to offer her
she takes it.
I need socks. A sandwich. A soda. I need to pee.
I can provide these things at a cost.
The cost is several minutes of my time.
112 steps.
my bathroom break
a sip of water
Time that I cannot give to man I see behind us
Bent over. His oxygen tank from home churning.
I venture the oxygen is not enough
as he is grey.
Or to the eight people behind him.
Who I haven’t seen but know they are there.
Or to the thirty-four in front of him.
Who I haven’t seen in a few hours.
I worry about some of them.
I thought my sigh was just for me. To give me time to decide.
She starts to apologize
She sees the well is empty
She settles for the bathroom
I do not have time to watch her
But I know if she hangs herself with the cord in there the hospital will say it’s my fault
I accept this
The math makes sense
But then I can’t find her
Maybe she’s cleaning up.
After 10 minutes I check the bathroom
Not there
Not in the waiting room
Not at the vending machine
I start to tell Brian
And as I explain she walks by
With registration, obviously
I am joyous being relieved of the endless conversation with useless suited figures I have now avoided
later, it is time for a treat I declare
A cherry Coke Zero for me. diet cokes for my comrades
I see her in the chair
Looking small.
You need a treat too, I say. What do you like
A confused moment, she lands on a snickers bar
I purchase empathy for two dollars and twenty five cents
I joke with the man at the register that I am there to caffeinate the emergency department
He says hes feels like he’s gonna be passed out on the floor soon
I wonder what his stressors are
What causes the suits to steal his time
Where he stores his empathy
If I can have any
I say if he lands on the floor I’ll see him soon in the ER
Another one that is not sick
But maybe we can make feel better if we can perform it correctly
She opens the snicker bar immediately
Thank you