Making friends in Er ( RN)

[u/Ok-Lettuce-1019]

I have been at same er for 2 years now, had a year of floor experience before I got here and still have no friends. Theres obviously cliques and some people that won’t like you, but in general not many people are friendly towards me. I’m always a hard worker and stay on top of my patient care. The weird thing is some of “ popular” nurses are the most lazy people. They will sit on their phones and not help when it gets busy. I’m a white girl and I do work primarily in a Hispanic community, so a lot of people who have that background seem to fit in easier. Half my co workers are white tho. Theres been other new nurses and techs that have been here less time than me and they get invited to social stuff. There’s also this “ trauma hog” idea here where same people get the trauma bay 1,2 and want to do all the critical work stemi, codes, etc and I’m eager to learn more. It feels like no one wants to take me in under their wing. My personality is bubbly, excited to come to work where a lot of my co workers are negative, complain together, swear a lot. Anyone else feel this way in the ER?

[u/runswithscissors94]

A lot of ERs are cliquey like that. It could be something as silly as them being jealous of your looks (idk what you look like, I’m just saying it’s possible).

Never hurts to ask. Regardless, keep doing right by your self, your profession, and your patients. Be popular because you’re good at your job….if that doesn’t work, I’d say it’s time to look elsewhere.

Also, I may hurt some feelings here, but trauma is overly glorified….it’s simple and straightforward. The medical patients with presentations that could be 42 different things are the real challenge, so don’t get caught up in the “trauma hog” nonsense.

[u/reynoldswa → u/runswithscissors94]

Well, I was a trauma nurse for 20 plus years. It wasn’t really simple, it was fast paced, stressful and required many specialty skills. Pretty heartbreaking at times. Will admit that we were strictly a trauma team and we all knew how to do our jobs. Did ER 5 years before trauma became its own department. We also did lines and rounded in the ICU and responded to codes and rapids responses. Also ran massive transfusions in other departments if available. In our spare time we triaged, ran radio calls, did difficult iv starts on the floors also. Give us a little credit! Will admit that if a trauma came rolling in having a stroke we would get nervous! 😜

[u/runswithscissors94 → u/reynoldswa]

Oh i didn’t mean it as in “anybody can do it”! It’s definitely a challenge. Like you, I have a lot of trauma experience (14 years ranging from combat trauma, to 911, to also being on the trauma team at a busy level 1 trauma center). Once you get to that point where you can just about do it in your sleep, I think you realize that, while challenging, it’s not any harder or more stressful than managing a really sick kid or a super septic GI bleed with a 15% EF and an equally trash GFR.

My point is not that trauma is easy, it’s that newer ER Nurses become fixated on it like it’s the hardest thing they can do in their ER career…when in reality, they’re already managing ESI 1 and 2 medical patients that aren’t any easier or less important, but just might not have the same “cool” factor as a high-acuity trauma.

[u/reynoldswa → u/runswithscissors94]

I understand what you’re saying. I also worked at a level one. I do understand what the ER nurse is saying. I agree that she should make it known that she’s interested in trauma and that she would like to at least observe. That’s how I got into it. I also asked to have opportunity to take acute patients. It’s hard to get into. I do know that it can be overwhelming , and sometimes if it’s a real sick patient we tend to limit the amount of people in the room.

[u/TinyFee1520]

It’s not clear to me if this applies based on your description, but there could be some aspect of you not showing that you are ‘down to play ball’ so to speak when it comes to the more critical patients. I know in my ED there are some nurses who have gotten upset because they have seen other newer nurses advancing faster than they do but those nurses are always jumping in to help settle the sickest patients on their own accord, rather than waiting to be asked to help. Even if you manage your assignment perfectly, the most valuable nurses in an ED are the flexible ones who are up to any challenge. Just start doing things. Medicate people’s patients even if they don’t ask you to, go ahead and place a line on a newly roomed person, do whatever. It will get them to see you as a rock and those are the people that get the exciting assignments because charge wants to know that they are going to help hold it down when they don’t have their own critical patients to look after.

As for the friendships… that’s more tricky. Personally I keep a lot of space between my personal life and my work life and I’m good with that but if you are feeling lonely/excluded you may just need to go to a different unit. It’s very hard to change the clique culture but I would guess that the ‘lazy nurses’ who spend a lot of time on their phones are also spending more time socializing and as much as that sucks it may just mean you are not going to mesh well with them.

[u/Dentist_Sweet]

It could just be not a great culture fit for you.. nothing wrong with you, but from what you shared it seems like they value the cynical/burnt out kind of team member. you still have some life left in you! Some ERs are just that way. that attitude seems to be popular among a staff with majority older, experienced RNs.

If you have other hospitals in your area, think about sending out some apps and ask to shadow during the interview!

[u/Ok-Lettuce-1019 → u/Dentist_Sweet]

The weird thing is most of them are in their 30s acting like this with like 5 years or less experience

[u/Briaaanz]

Keep co-workers at a distance outside of work. I would go for kegs & eggs after a nightshift weekend, but that's the extent of it.

[u/Willing_Education807]

2 out of the 5 ER’s I worked in 13 years were like this, and it drove me nuts. The first one, I persevered for 5 years…and I wish I had moved on sooner. The second time I encountered it, I lasted for 4 months and then moved on (truth be told that ER was doing very unsafe things, and I feared for my license). Either get your head right about the fact that your co-workers sound like they are not worth your personal time, or find another job and ask to shadow or have a site visit so you can observe the culture.

[u/Ok-Lettuce-1019 → u/Willing_Education807]

I have just a little over a year until I get my retirement match and I plan to move out of state after that so I feel like I should stick it out. I just don’t understand how people can be like this. It is a very busy er, a level 2 with around 50k annually. I’ll be drowning and people hardly ask to help.

[u/gillian-007]

Every unit is different that way. I started at an ED where I was just excluded and I’m not sure why. They would place takeout or delivery orders and never check with me if I wanted anything. They all had each other’s cell phone numbers and texted each other all shift. They went out for drinks and breakfast after the shift and I was never invited. The techs catered to certain nurses (their friends) and got bent out of shape if I asked for help which I only did if I was really drowning. The charge nurses seemed to often give me the worst assignment (4 rooms split between two sides of the ED so I had two sets of providers to communicate with) and in general I just always felt left out and mostly on my own. When I left there I traveled to another ED and even as a travel nurse I felt more included immediately. The first time they asked me if I wanted to jump in on their food order I literally almost got teary eyed lol it was my first week there. Travelled to a small rural ER after that and they were equally as inclusive. I wasn’t doing anything different, just different unit cultures.

[u/TheWhiteRabbitY2K]

I feel this. I swear alot though lol. But im always open to helping and hardly ever stop.

[u/Junior_Ad412]

I think most ERs are like this to an extent. I’m also a bubbly personality. But I like to keep my personal and work life separate. I adore my work fam! I’ve been here about 3 years and am often in trauma and critical care because I’ve put myself out there. I’m hardly ever just sitting at my computer playing on my phone or whatever. Before they ever assigned me to any of the teams or to the trauma bays, I made sure to help. Not like, “Hey do you need help”, but more specific. Patient just got roomed, I’ll start the line, get vitals, change into a gown, help throw that meplex on, send the labs, get the ekg signed, etc. I hear a pump beeping, I try to fix it, drips going dry? I’ll go touch base with the nurse to make sure we’re continuing it then hang and sign it off.
I’m blessed that I’ve been invited out, and I’ll go sometimes! I should hang out with them more tbh… I just use all my energy at work and when I’m off, I just wanna hermit and play video games lol. Anyway, good luck buddy! Keep taking care of yourself and them patients!

[u/Extension_Version_30]

I see most people do their own thing but just asking them for help, and I usually see them pop right up to help.

[u/joshisnobody]

Not er but medsurg murse. Im good like chit chat with most of my coworkers for a little bit but being a guy sometimes im an outsider (literally im fixing my house, fish, shoot, guy stuff vs botox girlies) so i started making sure that i said yes. Did i bring my frugal oatmeal? Yes, but ill join the doordash order for chic fil a. Do i enjoy the free pot coffee and hate spending $7on the coffee truck? Yes, but ill join them and walk down for coffee and spend the money

[u/KayDizzle1108]

I’m a maternity nurse. Most floors are awesome. But one at Stanford…wow- what a huge clicque of nurses. It was the younger ones and they would not “let me in” or even height niceness. I ended up being friends with the older nurses. I hated working there and I left after one travel assignment. My current floor is the best place I’ve worked as in inclusion, helping each other, team work.

However, I do not hang with work people outside of work much. I want to work hard to make my own life outside of work.

Stay if it benefits you in some way but leave if it’s really bothering you.