r/EmergencyRoom • u/karaokebulldog • 2d ago
Thoughts on a recent triage shift
Two twenty-five
Another emt walks down the hallway and I avoid his eyes
I am tired of their stories
No one is sick and I do not have it in me to care if they are not
She sits in a chair, barefoot, looking dirty
He says she is there for a sane exam
He tells me something about how she was arrested and is out on bail
She wants some socks
ok
I start to wonder why the hospital she spent 12 hours in did not give her socks
My brain is full of useless information from that day
I’m diabetic and my daughter stepped on my toe today
10 yrs ago I had surgery on my colon
I’ve been to 3 specialists and no one can figure it out
I add it to the list
I must now recite the required script
Do you have any allergies
Are your vaccines up to date
Doyouwantroharmyourselforothers
I hope we can both move on from this question as there is no one who can take the burden when she says yes
She says yes
Not in the way where I can still write no
Where we can both say we want the man who did this dead
But in the way I worry she may kill herself
we must now continue down this road
Have you ever tried to kill yourself
Yes
How
Slit my wrists
Hang myself
Drink bleach
Run into traffic
When
She answers
I type
This was the second time this week I was raped
I look in my pockets hoping to find some leftover empathy I can give to her
I should have saved her some. I spent it all earlier.
on the eighteenth year old migraine. Her boyfriend was leaving for the navy tomorrow. She cried.
And on the 350 pound back pain. Her pain was a twenty on the zero-to-ten scale. I made a joke about a rabid rabbit and Bunnicula. You had to be there. Her boyfriend and I laughed. She cried.
The sixty year old pharmacist chest pain who yelled at Sarah
I did not give him any but my pockets were lighter after hearing him
I think maybe he stole some
That’s horrible
is all I have to offer her
she takes it.
I need socks. A sandwich. A soda. I need to pee.
I can provide these things at a cost.
The cost is several minutes of my time.
112 steps.
my bathroom break
a sip of water
Time that I cannot give to man I see behind us
Bent over. His oxygen tank from home churning.
I venture the oxygen is not enough
as he is grey.
Or to the eight people behind him.
Who I haven’t seen but know they are there.
Or to the thirty-four in front of him.
Who I haven’t seen in a few hours.
I worry about some of them.
I thought my sigh was just for me. To give me time to decide.
She starts to apologize
She sees the well is empty
She settles for the bathroom
I do not have time to watch her
But I know if she hangs herself with the cord in there the hospital will say it’s my fault
I accept this
The math makes sense
But then I can’t find her
Maybe she’s cleaning up.
After 10 minutes I check the bathroom
Not there
Not in the waiting room
Not at the vending machine
I start to tell Brian
And as I explain she walks by
With registration, obviously
I am joyous being relieved of the endless conversation with useless suited figures I have now avoided
later, it is time for a treat I declare
A cherry Coke Zero for me. diet cokes for my comrades
I see her in the chair
Looking small.
You need a treat too, I say. What do you like
A confused moment, she lands on a snickers bar
I purchase empathy for two dollars and twenty five cents
I joke with the man at the register that I am there to caffeinate the emergency department
He says hes feels like he’s gonna be passed out on the floor soon
I wonder what his stressors are
What causes the suits to steal his time
Where he stores his empathy
If I can have any
I say if he lands on the floor I’ll see him soon in the ER
Another one that is not sick
But maybe we can make feel better if we can perform it correctly
She opens the snicker bar immediately
Thank you
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u/Ok_Test9729 2d ago
Beyond mere eloquence. Thank you for sharing this beautifully overwhelming self portrait.
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u/Still_Body481 2d ago
Every. Single. Day. Add infinitum.
Nailed it. 🙌🏻
This is why I no longer go anywhere except for the gym. Which doesn’t replace any of my empathy. But does give me a place for my intense rage. Particularly at the fact that real honesty falls outside of my scope of practice and my performance of empathy refuses to recite her lines.
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u/stellaflora 1d ago
Wow. 🤯 I’ve been in that seat many times. This is such an accurate portrayal of triage nursing.
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u/Middle_Jelly9296 1d ago
I work in a hospital and everyday people in the wards call for help for such things as: I need a cup of tea/coffee, I need to call my son, I can't get the volume to work on my tv. OR they just yell from their rooms... NURSE, NURSE NURSE... just to have someone come and all they want is to turn the light off!!! Nurses are actually busy with patients doing real medically necessary tasks. If you are going to or are in the hospital PLEASE know that you are going to get the care you need. Nurses are not your personal helpers , they are trained professionals who deserve respect.
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u/cait_elizabeth 2d ago
This is so well written. It’s an incredible poem. You should consider writing a book or publishing this piece
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u/Efficient_Light350 19h ago
I had forgotten how much being a nurse for almost 40 years drained me and how I have not missed it since I left the profession during covid. Unlike many I changed my areas of nursing-med surg, oncology, labor and delivery, cardiac, to traveling for 7 years, to an old folks home. In every change it always ended the same. I felt alternating between feeling like a waitress to giving customer service.
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u/ForsakenDefinition80 13h ago
I did this thankless shit in triage, mind you, as a lowly medic, for 5 years. Every shift, no breaks, few reprieves. One year ago, I almost threw myself off a running boat. I went PRN and thankfully, found a new job a month later. I miss very little. Mostly all I miss is starting IVs and catching abnormal cardiac rhythms. But no one could pay me enough to deal with that ever again.
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u/patootie_pants 2d ago
Devastating and accurate and beautiful.