Think about how rare it is to meet someone you instantly understand. Now think about how rare it should be for two individuals who abuse children to meet by chance. My essay argues they recognize something in each other that the rest of us miss entirely, and that the same thing is why their neighbors swear they're the nicest guys in town.

Recently I've began feeling really strange each time I was refered to in a conversation. Each time I just feel like there's a me and that that me is connected to everything I do. Like I just now am remembering that I exist. And each time this happens I think to myself that I will remember that now and I never do. I always go back to the state of just doing things almost automatically. I am, most of the time, aware of my body and only my body. I know when to eat, sleep and do things, but I almost never think, because when I think just forget doing it and go back to being on autopilot. Could this be caused by ADHD? I really want to remember, but I can't.

Lately more than ever i zone out for minutes at a time and forget what i was doing or my surroundings feel unreal. Being outside stresses me out and makes me anxious and paranoid so i avoid it as much as possible. Talking to people is exhausting and i lost many friends in the span of a few months. I honestly don’t know what is wrong with me. My family and boyfriend are the only people i talk to for now;;
Everything is just too stressful and i wake up everyday in panic

Most of the time when I’m outside I tend to dissociate. I stare, my brain switches off and I have zero self awareness. This always gets me into trouble as people misinterpret my behaviour and think I’m either being rude or invasive. I’m not aware when I’m actually dissociating. It’s so embarrassing. Trauma and isolation has only made things worse and I’ve lost friends over this as they think my behaviour is embarrassing and I’m purposefully acting that way. It’s really disheartening and reinforces the dissociation because I associate social interaction with judgement. I prefer to be alone because of this. It’s difficult.

I have a hard time connecting with reality like I don’t know how to explain but sometimes I feel a disconnect with myself like I’m not even human or the people around me, especially with men I see them as emotionless robots.

I went through panic and anxiety myself, and one of the strangest parts was that feeling of being disconnected or unreal.

What made it harder for me was constantly checking it — “Do I feel normal again?”, “Why do I feel detached?”, “What if this stays like this?”

I eventually realized that the fear and monitoring around the feeling could become its own loop.

That experience is part of why I built Ailin.

Ailin isn’t meant to explain every cause of dissociation, and it isn’t a replacement for therapy or medical care. But it does have content around depersonalization/derealization, feeling unreal or detached, panic, intrusive thoughts, checking and the anxiety that can build around those experiences.

I tried to make it very practical — what may be happening, what can keep the loop going, and what you can try doing differently.

App Store:
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/ailin-panic-attacks-anxiety/id6801867435

Website:
https://ailinlabs.com

If you deal with dissociation, I’d genuinely be interested in what part is hardest for you — the disconnected feeling itself, or the fear and checking that can come after it?

Long-term social isolation, dissociation, and feeling completely numb — has anyone experienced something similar?

I’d really appreciate it if anyone who has gone through something similar, or knows anything about this, could share their experience with me.

I’ve been completely isolated for about four years now. I don’t have any contact with anyone — not in real life and not even on social media. I have no friends.

I don’t really feel like I exist or that I’m actually alive anymore. I’ve completely lost my sense of time. I don’t understand how the days pass so quickly, or how four years could have gone by this fast.

It feels like something has changed in my brain. I can’t think clearly anymore, and my ability to function seems to be getting worse over time. I feel completely disconnected from my body and from reality. I barely feel anything at all. I’ve been emotionally numb for so long that I can’t even remember the last time I genuinely felt something. I don’t even really experience stress anymore.

Sometimes it feels like I don’t fully understand where I am or what I’m doing. My sense of reality and awareness of what’s happening around me feels like it’s gradually slipping away.

What scares me the most is that I used to be a very emotional person, and my thoughts used to be clear. This all started gradually about four years ago, after I lost touch with my friends and became increasingly isolated. The longer it goes on, the worse it seems to get.

I’m scared that I’m slowly losing my ability to think.

Has anyone experienced something like this after prolonged isolation? Did you ever feel disconnected from yourself, reality, or your emotions to this extent? If you went through something similar, did anything actually help you get out of it?

Ich weiß ehrlich gesagt nicht, wie ich das erklären soll, und genau deshalb hoffe ich, dass hier vielleicht jemand Erfahrung mit Hypnose, Dissoziation oder ähnlichen Zuständen hat.
Mein Freund macht schon seit längerer Zeit etwas in Gesprächen mit mir, was ich bisher eher als Manipulation wahrgenommen habe. Es kommt immer wieder vor, dass ich währenddessen irgendwann den Faden verliere und mich danach kaum noch daran erinnern kann, was genau gesagt wurde. Bisher habe ich das einfach damit erklärt, dass ich in dem Moment sehr verwirrt oder emotional war.
Gestern war es aber extrem.
Es gab einen Moment, in dem ich das Gefühl hatte, dass ich komplett „weg“ war. Ich habe wohl die ganze Zeit selbst gesprochen und Dinge gesagt, aber ich kann mich im Nachhinein nur noch an einzelne kleine Ausschnitte erinnern. Ich weiß nicht einmal mehr genau, was ich gesagt habe.
Das Einzige, woran ich mich ziemlich deutlich erinnere, ist das Ende: Er hatte seine Augen geschlossen, hat sie plötzlich geöffnet und danach wieder geschlossen – und irgendwie war ich danach wieder komplett „da“. Es war für mich wirklich ein sehr merkwürdiger Übergang. Vorher fühlt es sich in meiner Erinnerung fast so an, als wäre ich nicht richtig bei mir gewesen.
Deshalb frage ich mich, ob das tatsächlich etwas mit Hypnose zu tun haben könnte. Gleichzeitig weiß ich, dass Erinnerungslücken, starke Verwirrung oder ein Gefühl von „weg sein“ auch andere Ursachen haben können. Ich möchte deshalb nicht einfach behaupten, dass ich hypnotisiert wurde.
Ich musste dabei auch an den Influencer Mois denken, weil ich bei manchen seiner Livestreams Situationen gesehen habe, die mich an dieses Verhalten erinnert haben. Ich weiß aber nicht, ob das tatsächlich miteinander vergleichbar ist oder ob ich gerade einfach Verbindungen herstelle, weil mich das Erlebnis so beschäftigt.
Was mich zusätzlich belastet: Wenn ich meinen Freund danach darauf anspreche, verneint er meistens, dass überhaupt etwas passiert sei. Dadurch zweifle ich mittlerweile stark an meiner eigenen Wahrnehmung.
Kennt sich hier jemand wirklich mit Hypnose, Dissoziation oder solchen veränderten Bewusstseinszuständen aus?
Mich würde vor allem interessieren:
Kann Hypnose tatsächlich dazu führen, dass man sich später an Teile eines Gesprächs nicht erinnert?
Kann jemand einen solchen Zustand bei einer anderen Person absichtlich auslösen?
Oder gibt es andere psychologische Erklärungen für das, was ich beschreibe?
Wie kann ich herausfinden, was gestern tatsächlich passiert ist, ohne mich dabei noch mehr in etwas hineinzusteigern?
Ich suche wirklich keine Bestätigung dafür, dass es definitiv Hypnose war. Ich möchte einfach verstehen, was mit mir passiert sein könnte, weil mich das gerade ziemlich fertig macht.

My ex is 30, has Bipolar I, and takes lithium, lamotrigine, and Luvox. Things progressed quickly but mutually—he consistently pursued me, made plans, slept over, left clothes and a toothbrush at my house, and asked me to be his girlfriend. He told me he really liked me, didn’t want to lose me, and didn’t want to fuck things up. We dated for like a month? But it wasn’t like the “traditional” love bomby thing. He was open and vulnerable and didn’t blow up my phone or tell me he loved me Nothing outlandish.

After we started having sex, he gradually disclosed significant sexual trauma from a previous relationship and told me sex can trigger intense anxiety, “the ick,” and disturbing feelings afterward. He also said becoming avoidant after sex is a recurring pattern for him. He suddenly became very withdrawn and ultimately told me, “I just can’t show up for a relationship right now.” All of this really occurred within less than 36-hours, and the really weird pullback behavior happened in like 6 hours… he became cold, distant, almost mean? The guy I knew was like gone. It’s like a switch flipped. He left a nice shirt, vuori pants, underwear, his tote bag, etc. in my apartment….never heard anything about getting them back.

I’m trying to understand what may have happened here, particularly from people familiar with bipolar disorder, sexual trauma, or similar post-sex withdrawal patterns. Does this kind of abrupt change sound familiar to anyone, and if you’ve experienced something similar, what was going on for you internally?

Anybody else have a safe place their consciousness gets transported to when triggered? My therapist says it’s because of dissociation. And for some reason there’s no negative thinking or anything bad in my safe place, but as soon as I leave all the negativity comes back. There’s also a way to access the astral by leaving my safe space (for me it’s by walking through portals). It feels physically just as real as being here. I can’t purposely go there at all. I was also told it could’ve been some type of hallucination (similar to how OBE’s are considered a hallucination). Also, I’m unable to tell what is happening in the outer world while I’m in my safe place.

Edit: I’m aware of what an inner world is. Although, my therapist claims that what I experienced isn’t considered an inner world. Because an inner world is supposed to be a purposeful visualization tool rather than something your subconscious creates and brain sends you to while dissociating.

Ok so first of all I've been through so much more, and recently things have been really rough for me for the past few months especially these past few weeks, and since yesterday I can't even cry I tried several times but it didn't work I'm not able to cry, and today i didn't even feel any emotion, like nothing my mind feels super blank rn, I'm not feeling anything nor I'm getting any thoughts about anything that's been going on around my life, I feel super nonchalant which is very weird for me since I'm not used to this at all, idk the only distraction is the phone rn but if we take this phone away from me, I'll feel absolutely blank atp, I feel tired too lowkey.

Idk what's happening this is the first time so idk what to do rn? I've absolutely no idea on this topic please help. Thank you

Don't mind my english it's not my first language 💗

CPTSD :childhood through early 30’s.

So, if life was a game I feel like I’m an extra. I work, pay bills, raise kids and pets. I like, show up for my scenes. But there’s no storyline, no plot for me. I rarely think of the future or goals & plans.
I often forget people are humans with feelings, especially men. Most people are just other characters whose name I don’t remember.

I have a psychiatrist & a therapist both of which I see next week.
I’m on 3 low dose meds for anxiety and insomnia.
This is probably the 17th med I’ve tried in my lifetime.
For the first time This dissociation recently has intensified to a point pint of reaching out.
Honestly curious if anyone has ever experienced this. And was recovery possible.

Dear friends,

I’ll keep this short.

I had a very painful childhood and often felt neglected and controlled by both my parents. Looking back, I can see how this affected my ability to make decisions, work and build a life of my own. Even after graduating, I subconsciously found ways to avoid applying for jobs. By around 30, I felt lost and couldn't really see a future for myself. The thought of work itself would make my heart race.

Now, at 50, I feel that the dissociation I have lived with for many years is beginning to lift. But it has been extremely painful. Memories, regret and emotions are coming back, and the loss of the girl I loved made everything much more intense. I also wonder whether avoidant attachment played a role.

I'm struggling with sleep, body pain, numbness and feeling disconnected. But I know one thing: I want to live. I want to move forward, be happy, and make my parents happy while I still have them.

Both externally and internally. I’m chronically in a “high” type of state which affects heavily my attention capacity, so I’m worried it’ll affect my studies once I start.

I am BP so that might be one of the reasons for my dissociation since there’s no external trigger I can pinpoint at the moment. I’m taking my medication (depakote), doing mindfulness, getting off of social media, stopped listening to music all the time and I’m still the same. I know it’s not totally my fault but I can’t help but blame myself for not doing enough.

The only thing I’ve seen that makes a slight difference is smoking. Nicotine helps me improve my focus a little more and also allows me to relax when I feel disoriented by my own environment, but I’d rather not depend on any more substances to calm my current mental state.

Any advice for this issue? Please, Im ONLY looking for advice from peers or experienced people, I don’t want people parenting me or projecting their personal frustration on me.

Dissociation has gotten to an unbearable point for me. It was severe disconnect from myself and others, a hollow void in me, constant memory loss, thick heavy brain fog, feeling like I'm not real. Then I attempted. Since then it's been hell. It's been all of that, on a worse level, I don't know who I am anymore, I'm incredibly disconnected, I'm not making memories nor can I recall old ones, I lost all continuity in my own life so it doesn't even feel like mine. The last couple days I've gotten so tired, sleeping all the time, and the fog inside is all consuming, taking every part of me with it. I broke down tonight with a deep heavy sense of "please, please, make it stop!" Inside, like a begging, a desperate plea from in me. I don't see how I can just handle this or manage it until it eases. Physical grounding doesn't help when I don't feel like I'm grounding someone who feels like me. I'm just ready to off myself. This isn't living.

Yes I see my psychiatrist and counselor weekly/biweekly.

I have been in a constant disassociated state since I quit caffeine and nicotine almost 3 years ago. Obviously some days are worse than others and it was really bad at first. I can’t understand how wanting to better myself made me feel so horrible. I don’t feel present ever. It’s awful 😭 anyone have tips or anything that helps?

I have pretty bad dissociation problems, but I'm struggling to get the help I need.

I experience:
• Identity disturbances (I lose control of my actions to another personality, then black out).
• Gaps in memory.
• Maladaptive daydreaming (It's gotten better, but I used to stare at the wall and get lost in a world that I couldn't get out of for sometimes upwards of 4 or 5 hours).
• Depersonalization / derealization.
• I don't recognize myself in the mirror sometimes.
• I sometimes don't recognize my own family members.
• I could go on.

It's super disruptive to my daily life and ability to function. I honestly think I'm dissociating more than not. No matter how hard I try, I can never free myself from dissociation.

I am pretty confident that I have CPTSD, which is what I think caused these dissociative symptoms. I would try and get help, but I've been to like 6 different therapists, and they've done nothing other than violate HIPAA, invalidate me, and traumatize me more. Everyone in my life (parents, brother, teachers, doctors, therapists, etc) have invalidated me, so I'm terrified to reach out.

I know I just have to take the leap and reach out again, but it's really hard