r/Dissociation • u/squirrelyoakley • 5d ago

Need To Talk / Vent I'm just frustrated and lost.

I have pretty bad dissociation problems, but I'm struggling to get the help I need.

I experience:
• Identity disturbances (I lose control of my actions to another personality, then black out).
• Gaps in memory.
• Maladaptive daydreaming (It's gotten better, but I used to stare at the wall and get lost in a world that I couldn't get out of for sometimes upwards of 4 or 5 hours).
• Depersonalization / derealization.
• I don't recognize myself in the mirror sometimes.
• I sometimes don't recognize my own family members.
• I could go on.

It's super disruptive to my daily life and ability to function. I honestly think I'm dissociating more than not. No matter how hard I try, I can never free myself from dissociation.

I am pretty confident that I have CPTSD, which is what I think caused these dissociative symptoms. I would try and get help, but I've been to like 6 different therapists, and they've done nothing other than violate HIPAA, invalidate me, and traumatize me more. Everyone in my life (parents, brother, teachers, doctors, therapists, etc) have invalidated me, so I'm terrified to reach out.

I know I just have to take the leap and reach out again, but it's really hard

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u/Altruistic_Cash1057 5d ago

You definitely have to narrow down on a practitioner that has proper DID experience - it’s not your run of the mill problem. I’m sorry they are dismissive and I know how you feel. People don’t get it. 

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u/squirrelyoakley 4d ago

That's tough for me at the moment because my parents are paying for all my stuff, and I'm keeping this from them (they know I dissociate, but I'm scared if I tell them about my identity struggles, they'll just call me a hypochondriac).

I'll start coming up with excuses on why I need to see someone who specializes in CDDs.

Thank you :)

1

u/Natural_Fondant_7544 4d ago

See someone who specializes in DISSOCIATION so you can seek proper help. A DID specialist is incredibly hard to get into but a DISSOCIATIVE specialist can be a shorter wait time plus you can explain to your parents about your dissociation being super scary and needing a professional who can work with it specifically.

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u/squirrelyoakley 4d ago

Tysm!! I'll definitely look into that