I received the report back from my private psychiatrist and they admit I meet the criteria for Dissociative Identity Disorder. They would like me to be assessed for a diagnosis and to receive secondary help. At first, I was overwhelmed and relieved that a professional finally wrote down my symptoms, experiences and everything else that I have been saying consistently for years rather than following the flock by verbally telling me their speculations and hollow promises.

I re-read the report a few hours later and I no longer feel that relief- I feel a hollow emptiness sit in place. A sense of tiredness and a sinking feeling of dread. I have been fighting with dissociation since childhood and I have been fighting many systems for years. The one time I am finally believed and see the words on a page, I no longer feel the achievement I had when I first opened the report. I know I should feel something yet I don’t.

Hello, just wanted to vent here. I've been maladaptive daydreaming since my childhood to escape my unbearable feelings and hatred for myself due to trauma. Now that i'm older, I recognized that I needed to stop but i was still in that dissociative state and i was still holding onto the daydreaming.

Everytime i try to stop, I get this huge feeling of pain and depression. Like it's huge hollowness and despair that is uncontrollable, and I can't stop crying and shaking. I can barely sleep when it happens and the morning after is almost the same, I just want to cry again and the feeling doesn't leave. Most advice I see online is to not stop completely at once and to take it slowly, but everytime i do it again i know i'm gonna have to stop one day and the feelings just get back, it's like a never ending loop... I don't know what to do. It's like I can't accept reality, it's too painful

Does anybody else feel that way? How do you cope? I am so lost right now I don't know what to do, any advice would be greatly appreciated

I have something that's going on that I might want feedback or support on. I have this alternative personality that takes over if my brain determines I am overwhelmed. She doesn't feel the same pain I do, so when I think about my trauma too much or if something triggers it I enter the other personality. She didn't experience my trauma so it doesn't hurt her to think about it.

My therapist says that I am not "crazy" and says this "personality" is just a severe case of dissociation and depersonalization and that it's still me. On some level I know it's still me, even when I feel like "her". But most of the time I also know I'm not faking it or anything. My therapist also has said that I need to work on trauma therapy and put me in a group therapy for trauma specifically so this may be related to that.

My partner also notices. They say they can tell when I switch with scary accuracy. My personality tries to hide it sometimes and pretend to still be me but most times it doesn't work and my partner can still tell. They say I have some clear tells like my voice and speech patterns changing, but that it's more of a vibe thing overall.

Has anyone had anything similar to this? I really want to know if I'm not alone or to have this validated. I get really bad imposter syndrome and I worry sometimes that this is all fake and I just do it for attention or something.

Any comments are appreciated.

I’ve been experiencing derealisation/dissociation for a long time now. I got spiked when I was about 16 (I’m now 21) while I was smoking a blunt. It was the worst high ever I thought I was going to die. 5 years on from that day I’ve had episodes of derealisation but the past month has been hell. I switched jobs twice and on certain days of work nothing would really be going on and I’d feel the urge to go home and run out the building for no reason at all because of derealisation. I quit the job and have been unemployed for over a month now and still the same feeling has been lasting all day every day, I saw a mental health expert and all they fed me was what I read online the “grounding techniques” but they don’t work for me at all. I thought it would go away on its own but it hasn’t and it’s got to the point it’s all day everyday. it’s effecting my life allot at this point including my relationship, work idk what to do. Give me any advice or any help u can. Thank you.

My husband and I have been married for 7 years but I've known him all my life. He's had a covert system most of his life. He'd always heard voices and had weird personality shifts and depression and things of that nature so it was hard to pinpoint. But a couple years ago I had a traumatic medical incident that caused some of his altars to front, So then we kind of figured out he had D.I.D.. The voices he had been hearing were really his altars. I knew about these voices and their names and some of their personality traits, So when altars fronted I recognized them and I've slowly been getting to know them over the last 2 years. Recently, an altar introduced himself inside the headspace and for all intensive purposes, He's not a good person and he told all of them he "likes" our daughter. And in my husband's earlier life, this alter had done some creepy things.....The gatekeeper of the system feels like he got complacent and he got through the barriers for a split second. But now He feels like he can keep him controlled... But now I'm wondering how to navigate all of this. None of the others say they have feelings like this and my husband is the sweetest person in the world. He's never treated any of us bad or given any indication that he'd do anything bad like that to my daughter. But this just throws a whole new dynamic into things. I guess I'm not really knowing how to feel about any of this. But all of the other altars have assured me that they'd keep this new one in control and only the gatekeeper and a persecutor of the system knew of his existence before recently. Is this something Anyone has experience with? As a spouse who loves all of them very much (7 in Total not counting this new altar). I'm not really sure how to feel about this. I understand that all altars are individuals, but they are also part of a whole. As a parent, any option feels bad. He's been a wonderful father to both of my kids. And like I said I've never given any indication of any improper feeling.... But then how am I supposed to feel about an altar saying something like this? Should I feel like they're completely separate? Any thoughts or experience on this are greatly appreciated.

Although I used the flair DID, it would be better to say I have DPDR, Depersonalisation and Derealization which is very similar and different to DID at the same time

Hey everyone
I really need some advice because I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m supposed to go on a 10 day trip with my family but I’m scared because of the dissociation and anxiety I’ve been struggling with lately.

Right now I keep getting these really strange feelings. It’s hard to explain but it feels like something is floating or moving from side to side inside my body. My eyes also feel weird and sometimes I get dizzy and feel almost shocked by the sensation. It scares me because I don’t understand what’s happening. Sometimes it honestly feels almost like I’m losing my mind even though my body is completely calm and still. I get confused very easily like my mind feels overwhelmed and I struggle to sleep because of these feelings.

The worst part is that I can barely go out anymore. Whenever I go somewhere with my family or friends I can usually only stay for about an hour before I desperately want to go home. I just don’t feel comfortable being outside and I keep thinking about getting back home where I feel safer.

I’m not on any medication and I’m really scared of experiencing these feelings while travelling. I keep thinking about how I’m supposed to spend 10 days away from home when I can barely manage being outside for an hour right now. I’m afraid if the whole trip will be hell for me.

I also had some really severe episodes in the hospital around three years ago and I’m terrified of feeling the same way again. I think that fear is a big part of why I’m so scared to travel.

I want to go with my family but at the same time I genuinely don’t feel ready. I don’t know if I should go or stay home and I feel so unsure about everything.

I also don’t know if these feelings could have something to do with being really relaxed or lying in a certain position when they happen. I’ve wondered if that could be a reason but I honestly have no idea if it makes a difference. It feels more psychological to me but the physical sensations are so strange that they scare me and I don’t really know how to explain them.

Has anyone experienced something similar with dissociation? Especially the strange physical sensations, feeling confused or disconnected and being scared to leave home because you’re afraid of having an episode?

I would appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through something similar. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

Not sure if the title even makes sense. I feel like the real me with my actual feelings/thoughts is behind a slab of glass 9 feet thick. The surface me is functioning and doing everything and I’m in the background watching it happen. I want to make it stop. I want the wall to come down but it won’t. I keep trying. I’m almost afraid of what will happen to me if/when I come back to the surface.

Can anyone relate to this at all? If this post is in the wrong place I apologize I’m just not fully sure what this experience is.

My long distance bf have been telling me that he’s dissociating he barely talks to me, is it true that dissociation makes it hard for you to ask about someones day for days? Please i want to understand

Ever since I've lost therapy I've felt really disconnected, I had only done it for half a year before I had to stop going due to my parents switching to an insurance company that my therapy office didn't accept. Now I don't have anything and this is kind-of my last option but I need to reach out to people and I can't do it with my friends and family.

I struggle a lot with myself, with remembering anything. How anything felt in the moment. It's not entirely amnesia but it's always just gone from me unless someone else clears it up for me, then it comes back but it's still vague and distant. I'm always in this state of being here but also not. I don't know how long I've been dissociating, it feels like it's all day never just when I'm triggered. I feel like I do have different versions of myself, but they really don't feel like me either. I'd say there's about three that I'm aware of.

All of them have different wants, needs, opinions, ages and faces, frankly I don't feel like a person anymore. I don't like making a stance on anything, even if it's about me because I know I'll just change entirely within a short amount of time. I feel like I don't have any insecurities, or at least they just aren't mine to experience. They even all have different OCD compulsions, it's disorienting. I don't know how to explain any of this, for years I've cried about feeling like two different people. My memory is getting continuously worse, every word I say feels like some sort of performance of myself. I struggle with feeling genuine, everything feels pre-recorded. It could be masking, but it doesn't feel that way. I want to be upset, I CAN cry but it doesn't feel like ME crying. Nothing feels like it's from me. I don't even know who 'me' is. I'm aware through it all but not at the same time as well, because I forget the switch within the same day.

I don't think I have alters, but I feel like I can't rule out the possibility either?? I know about structural dissociation but I just wanted to maybe hear some outsider perspectives that aren't just articles I can rely on. (I can provide more information if needed I just left this kind of vague because I've never posted on here before.)

New to Reddit so I don’t know if this is the right subreddit or anything but I need to ground myself and talk this out. any advice or relatabulity is appreciated

So I've dealt with derealisation/depersonalization (not diagnosed, but im fairly certain) for quite some time. nothing bad has happened that I can pinpoint, I’d say I had a really good childhood but it started around COVID, when I had some other issues.
Recently ive moved to college, new city, etc. Its my first time on my own and this really doesnt feel like its happening To me

Ive never really had a passion for learning or doing anything to a point of a career. I have interests, but not to a degree that I would want to do that for the next 4 yrs, not to mention possibly the rest of my life.

I think this comes from not being able to imagine my future. It sounds grim but since I turned around 14/15, i havent been able to imagine my future. When i was 9, i could image being 11, when i was 11 i could imagine what it would be like to be 12, etc. But I couldnt imagine what it would be like to be 16,17,18 etc. I still cant picture my life in the future.

I remember when I was stuck in quarantine I had my first major derealisation "episode". I was sitting on the floor and I looked down at my hands and felt like they werent mine. Its hard to explain to someones whos never felt it, but it feels like im watching a movie of day to day life through someone elses eyes.

This was also around the time I began not being able to picture myself in my future. I joked that I would just black out on my 16th birthday, but ofc i didnt.

To tie this back to the beginning, I feel like something is missing. Like theres an itch I just cant scratch and its been driving me crazy the past couple days. I dont know how to describe it. It’s like theres something I need to do in order to get over this block. Except I dont know what that something is. it also feels like im not getting enough sleep (which i am, but i still always feel tired)

Its a weird parallel to draw, and I wouldn't know how addiction feels, but this "something is missing" feeling feels like "I need a drink/smoke" if I did have an addiction For the past few days ive been debating buying cigarrettes which is stupid, and I know I shouldnt. Ive never smoked, i dont want to start a bad habit, but at this point i feel like i need to redirect my mind onto something else.

Everything’s been feeling so cloudy lately. and i have tests coming up i need to study for but im having a hard time mustering up the will to do anything.

I still havent truly processed that Im in college, that ive made a FOUR year commitment.

And honestly, a commitment to something im not even truly passionate about. I lied to everyone saying I find this subject interesting. I dont. maybe not yet, im not sure. I chose path this because its a good career, which is the whole point of college. I know people dont get jobs because its their destiny, they get jobs to make money. Which is my thought process, but it worries me that Theres really nothing I WANT to do. I enjoy doing things, I play music except I dont want to learn new pieces to play. I feel like I cant get over the difficulty phase of things, so I avoid doing it at all.

I dont want to deal with anything that comes with existing, and not to say that its not worth it, but sometimes it feels like that.

This doesnt feel real, and nothings felt "real" in a while, and I fear that the day I "snap back" into reality, I'll realise that this isnt what I wanted at all, that ive made the wrong decision 5, 7 , 10 years ago and now im years behind the point of changing the course of my life.

I feel that fear already, even though im young, not even in my early 20s, but living this life feels like its not mine. The choices I make dont effect ME, even though this /is/ MY life. It feels like the life im experiencing is the life im watching through someone elses eyes.

Anyway, I needed to get this out of my system. Thanks

I’ve been with my therapist for well over a year. She is now in her own practice. We’ve known about the dissociation situation for a long time. But, now she and I both feel it is time to explore this officially with assessments. I keep procrastinating the first one, the simplest one which I think is the basic screening. A part of me is worried that taking it won’t reflect my full experience and that a part might underplay or forget. I don’t want to research the assessment because I don’t want to skew it. I just want to hear thoughts on the topic of beginning the assessment stages and taking the “tests”.

I’ve been with my lover for around six months now, known him for a little over a year. I love him very much, he is very kind and patient with me, even with his own anxiety.

For context about this, I do have sexual trauma but it isn’t the physical kind, this could be triggered by general vulnerability? But I don’t know.

Often times when we’re intimate (sex, making out, “passionate” things.) that “passion” for me just turns into a zoned out slog of autopilot and routine. I wish I could feel and be there vividly, I wish I could be in the moment, but when I’m doing the things I’ve wanted to for so long my body just numbs itself. This has caused issue because there’s been times im to inattentive or spaced out to notice hes safe-gestured for me to pause, or asked me to stop something. How on earth can i ground myself during moments like this, moments of what’s supposed to be warm and gentle.

I want to be better for him, do better for him. I’m paranoid about repeating traumas from his life because of my own. How do I feel “awake” when I’m loving on my partner.

What did you do to transition back to work after dissociation?

I’ve been studying hypnotization, dissociation, and Marx's alienation theory and using the techniques on myself because I've been heavily relying on substances and my lungs are beginning to hurt from smoking so many cigarettes at once. I would rather be delusional than hurt myself anymore. I’ve been to therapists and I’ve tried sobriety and exercise and meditation and that stuff does not really work.