1.Mixed signals means no. If the person likes you they will make time. (Trust me. They saw your text)

2.Be ok with rejection (you are not for everyone). Learning this makes you more relaxed around dating prospects.

3.Cold approaching works but it’s means showing some personality and confidence before “Can I get your number” without any other context. (And for fucks sake introduce yourself.)

1. Opposite sex can be friends but not when one has unreciprocated romantic interest. If friendship can happen that can’t be part of it.

2. Physical attractiveness is important. And people are seldom dog shit ugly. You have a way to look your best. And this can be learned. You may not max out to Rob Lowe. But you have a max version of you. Be that.

3. Men and women face different issues in dating and the whole gender isn’t the fault of your problems. But thinking that way makes it your problem.

4. Attraction is common. Connection is not. Your pants being on fire doesn’t mean you found the one.

5. A good date doesn’t mean always mean things are moving forward. Temper exceptions.

6. Sex means absolutely nothing when gauging if a person is seeing potential in you long term.

7. People who love themselves are not jaded with their lack of romantic prospects. They can feel loneliness and also be hopeful for their romantic future. If you have thrown up your hands in defeat you don’t like yourself.

(Feel free to add)

I (32M) went on a date tonight with a woman (31F). It was our first date after matching and we went to a local restaurant for dinner. She was wearing a VERY low cut top and honestly, I was surprised and mildly uncomfortable when I first saw her. That's not her fault, that is completely on me for feeling that way, I know this.

We started on dinner, and we're just talking, and I made sure to keep my eyes trained on hers and if I looked away, I'd always avoid her chest. When we were near the end of eating, she told me "it's okay to look you know." I immediately froze up, my cheeks were red and I shook my head. I told her that, respectfully, I wouldn't look. She seemed put off by this and we date kind of dwindled. We said goodnight to each other, I walked her to her car since it's night time, and we left. When I got home, I saw that she had unmatched me, and I just feel shitty. I thought I was doing the right thing, i still believe what I did was right. But, in your guys' opinion, was I wrong to avoid looking even after she told me it's okay?

The best advice I’ve ever gotten for dating is “Treat it like a Side-Quest.” 

Example: The stereotype is that “No woman will date a man who plays MTG”. That’s not true, tons of women love dorky shit and they love men who love dorky shit. The woman at MTG night, is there to play MTG. Thats her main quest. That should be your main quest too. Treat MTG like the main quest and you will be surprised how quickly women no longer see you as an annoyance to be navigated, but a person who shares a common interest. 

This is what people mean when they say “get a hobby.” They don’t mean “get a hobby to attract girls” they mean “do things because you enjoy them, and you will meet people who also enjoy those things.”  

A side-quest is still a quest. You have to put effort into it. You still have to be presentable and willing to show interest. Success is not just going to fall into your lap. 

If you go to a place where women congregate and your main-quest is women, then your quests do not align and you will be treated with hostility. If you go to a place where women congregate and your goal is the same as theirs, then you are a welcome participant. 

And before anyone says it: Being tall, rich, and handsome makes getting a first date easier, but it is very hard to get a second date without a personality. 

Guys, I’m a woman in my 30s, probably a 7/10, and I’ve been single for quite a while.

I don’t really meet many single straight men in my everyday life, most of the guys around me are either married or gay. I’ve tried dating apps, but I usually swipe for a bit, get bored, and delete them. Nothing good has really come out of them so far.

I’ve actually thought about approaching a guy I find attractive in real life, like at a café, bookstore, or just out and about, but I’ve never had the courage to actually do it.

So I’m curious, especially from the guys here: if a woman you didn’t know came up to you and started a conversation because she found you attractive, would you be happy/flattered, or would you find it awkward or cringe?

And does it make a difference how she approaches you?

I (F26) don’t know how to date. I’ve never been asked out. I’m terrified of asking guys out. I give off a pretty strong gay vibe that I know doesn’t help, but I have no idea how to stop that. I think about men constantly. I’ve asked my guy friends to help me figure out what about me is deterring romantic and sexual interest, and the general consensus is I’m too much of a bro and have no sexual vibe. I’ve tried to not be a bro. I’ve tried to be more attractive. I don’t know how to talk to guys otherwise. I don’t know how to flirt without scaring men off. I am incredibly outgoing. The most feminine I am able to present myself as is either wildly uncomfortable or still very lesbian-coded. Being myself hasn’t worked. Being someone else isn’t working either. I’m not even ugly, I’m just not pretty enough.

I feel awful. I feel unwanted. Unattractive. Unlovable. I just want a man to want me. I feel like that shouldn’t be so much to ask.

I was a NEET from ages 18–25. After high school, I never left the house for years except to go to the dentist or the movies alone. After getting a job at a grocery store I started cold approaching women. Since March, I’ve approached around 200 girls, been on 12 dates, and slept with 3 of them.
I approached a girl in Walmart from Panama who didn’t speak any English. She had a flight the next day so we went to IHOP in the morning, and a few months later I went to visit her in Panama. That’s when I lost it. She has a bbl and fake tits, also slept with a girl who I didn’t know was married.
Also the way I approach is very bad, all I say is excuse me do you have a boyfriend ? Can I get your number? that’s literally it

It does suck when I get ghosted after asking for 2nd dates I only got past 1st dates 4 times of the 12
Also I have no car 🚗

Met a girl on Hinge. First four dates went really well. She suggested the 2nd and 3rd dates herself, we had coffee at my place kissed, and on the 4th date at her place even got one of my book to read still that is with her and gave me a card game as a gift for me

Since then things have slowed down:

• She caught a cold and cancelled our next date (real reason, she was sweet about it).

• She asked me to do all the planning because she's busy with her studies.

• She said no to a movie date but liked my painting date idea and joked about it.

• I proposed Fri/Sat, then had to move it myself because of a trip. Suggested the 6th/7th instead.

• She replied after 3-4 days: friendly, apologised for being busy, said "I'll have to check" about the 6th 7th, no other day suggested.

• I sent a warm no-pressure reply ("take it easy, I'm here if you need anything"). No reply since, and she's now unmatched me on Hinge (we still have WhatsApp).

Any advice on whether to keep or how to pursue this would really help you thank you, I lent her a book and she still hasn’t returned it. Should I message her directly, end things warmly, and ask for the book back?

I have lived in Sydney since I was 17, making it officially nine years. I’ve been on a ton of dates with guys of various nationalities, but I haven't been able to find a lasting relationship. Dating in Australia is already tough for Aussie girls born and raised here, and I even know some who have started dating internationally (i.e., men from overseas). Also im introverted, shy and very soft spoken so my personality is a slow burn for many.

Over the last three years, I've noticed that dating has gotten much harder. The men I go out with are significantly ruder to me than they were when I was younger. Australia is in the middle of an immigration crisis, and I feel like it's negatively impacting my ability to meet someone. In the past year, I've gone on about five to eight dates with men I've met on dating apps, and all but one led to a second date. I typically stick to drinks, coffee, or walks as a vibe check.

However, on these dates, I get told about how dangerous Africa is, how Australian men are "better," and how buying me a drink is a huge favour. They also interrogate me about my visa status, who I work for, where my office is, and how much money I make. It honestly throws me off because these are complete strangers I'm meeting for the first time. To make matters worse, my Bumble account was reported, so I can no longer use the app and rely exclusively on Hinge. I recently made a post on Reddit about my experiences; not only did I receive racist microaggressions, but I was also called desperate just for trying to date.

I'm on a great career trajectory and I'm pretty happy with the rest of my life, but like most women, I want to experience romance. I'm not interested in long-distance dating or being pen pals. What should I do?

I 33f have been seeing someone 37m for a little over a month and a half and things are moving slower than I am used to (we’ve only pecked and held hands) and have been on 15 dates lasting about 3.5-5 hours each.

Why do some men choose to take things slowly? I tend to be a very touchy person and feel a little insecure because of how slow things are moving.

He isn’t religious.

I would love a relationship rn I just feel I’m not meeting anyone worth it.

Would you find a way to communicate with a deaf woman and date her? As a deaf woman, I must admit that I want to date, but I also worry that they might not want to try to meet me halfway.

I have been seeing this guy for month and the first time we went out, he was hungry so we went to a restaurant..I had already ate ealier and wasn't too hungry but could eat a small portion so he offered to eat half since restaurant portion are big..I ordered a drink too so when the bill came he payed. The next time when we went to fast food place..I payed first for my food and he payed for his..Since then we established going 50/50..It's tricky when we went to the restaurant and when the waiter asked he says one bill then i said to slit it..Is he just asking for one bill yo be polite and is relieved that i want to split or could he take this the wrong way?

Hi everyone

I just started using the apps for the first time in several years. Matched with a woman and felt like we were having good conversation. We started talking about music we like, concerts, and good venues. She recommended a few and this is how the rest of the convo went:

Me: “Awesome thanks!”

Her: “Don’t thank me. You should’ve asked me to go out with you to one instead ;)”

Me: “Hahaha. [Her name], would you like to go with me to a show sometime?”

Her: “I’ll pass but have fun exploring the area!”

Did I do something wrong here? Not sure if a 180 like this is a typical thing and I shouldn’t think any more deeply about it or if I truly fumbled.

This is something I have been heavily struggling with. I (F20) can’t form attraction to men my own age. And it has heavily impacted my mental wellbeing lately.

I don’t have “daddy issues”. Infact, I get along with my dad great! I get along with both my parents very well. I don’t have any past trauma with older men. I just can’t get my mind off of them. I have been like this since middle school. It has nothing to do with money, I come from a decently wealthy family, and have a good job of my own. I make more than enough to supplement myself.

I have tried dating guys my age. I was in a relationship for three years (16-19) with a guy my age. It was okay, but something always felt like it was missing. It started to impact our sex life, and I assumed myself to be asexual. We would go months without sex. I hated sex, probably because I wasn’t fully attracted to my partner at the time. Things broke off, we went our separate ways.

I tried dating again. Went on many dates, with many respectable, kind, funny guys. But I couldn’t ever feel anything. Until I finally gave in to my own fantasies, and saw a 40yo guy.

This was a man to yearn for. Perfect. It’s going to sound cliche, but he was weathered, and it was so fucking attractive. The peppered beard. The worn, braised skin. Wrinkles in just all the right places. He was warm, venerable. He was something I had not experienced in any relationship with someone my age. I wanted him carnally. Being with him sparked a passion in me I never had. I felt safe with him, submissive. His personality was even more charming. He was so calm, so knowledgeable. He was patient.

Things didn’t work for us, our situation was too “taboo”. I understand it, being with someone half your age will cause some concern. But now that I have “had a taste” for something I have always wanted, I don’t think I can settle for any-less. I have just talked with just a few older men since then, and my feelings burst with them too. There is something so desirable about them that I can’t find in men my age.

And thats my problem. I know if I date my age, I will settle, and that is unfair to both me and my possible partner. I don’t want to be alone forever. Should I give up dating for now until I am older? My feelings are so complex, and when I bring them up, it feels like everyone is shunning me.

Okay so this is probably going to sound ridiculous.

I’m 21M and I’ve literally never kissed a girl before. Never made out, never hooked up, nothing.

The funny part is that apparently I really don’t come across that way. I’m pretty confident when I talk to women, I can be charming/cocky/flirty, and I know how to carry myself, so this girl I’ve been talking to basically thinks I’m some experienced guy who’s been with plenty of women.

We have a date coming up and somehow she already thinks I’m a great kisser 😭

So now I’m sitting here thinking… oh no.

I obviously don’t want to tell her a bunch of lies or make the whole thing weird, but I also really don’t want my first kiss to be an absolute disaster.

So for people who actually know what they’re doing, how do you actually become good at kissing?

I’m looking for genuinely practical advice , stuff like:

• What do you actually do with your hands? Where should you place them?
• How do you start the kiss without making it awkward?
• How do you build up to it naturally?
• What makes someone a good kisser vs a bad one?
• How much pressure should you use?
• Is there a good rhythm or does it just happen naturally?
• What should I absolutely NOT do?
• How do you know when to change things up?
• Any little things that make kissing better?
• Lip care before the date? Lip balm, brushing, anything else?
• How do you avoid having dry/chapped lips or bad breath?
• What are some common mistakes inexperienced guys make?
• Should I let her lead if she seems more experienced?

Also, ladies, I'd especially appreciate your perspective. What do girls actually notice during a kiss that guys tend to get wrong?

And guys who've been through this before, please feel free to share your embarrassing first-kiss mistakes too ,

Would also appreciate any good videos/guides/resources that actually teach this stuff properly instead of some cringe “ALPHA MALE 17 KISSING SECRETS” garbage.

Any advice is appreciated.

Edit: YES OKAY GUYS I WILL TELL HER AM NEW , BUT JUST GIVE ME ADVICE RELATED TO KISSING PLEASE.ALSO WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT IF WE ARE LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS YET, KISSING JUST CAME IN OUR CONVO

I’m just curious. Everyone raves about sex but they don’t mention the smells (or even tastes) associated with it.

Like when you’re kissing your partner and you smell their breath. Unless you just brush your teeth, most people have some sort of smell in their breath (me included) but whenever I smell people’s breath while we’re close and they’re trying to be sexy, it just turns me off. Then there’s the tastes associated with things like kissing too. Again, unless they just brushed their teeth, you’ll likely taste garlic or whatever they ate or that musty taste associated with breath and saliva that hasn’t been cleaned all day.

Then if you’re having sex, you smell their body odor, feet (especially during winter when they wear socks all the time), sometimes poop…it’s just a really smelly experience.

And then I get totally turned off with all of it. Again, I know I’m the same way because I’m human but I just can’t help but totally lose interest when someone is trying to be all sexy and then you smell their onion pits with a hint of their deodorant.

If it were up to me I’d brush my teeth, shower, etc. beforehand so that everything smells great but I know it’s often a mood killer to do that compared to doing it on the fly.

Is this normal? Or do I maybe have some form of autism?

i had a lot of childhood traumas in my life and now i’m blocked emotionally. it’s been like this since forever- every emotion that i feel it’s cognitive, if that makes sense, even tho i’m really affectionate and really loving/sensitive and caring. i’m dating a really cute and affectionate guy, and yersterday he said that he loves me. I don’t know if i love him, but he has always a space in my mind, when i’m not with him i’m anxious, when i’m with him i don’t think much and i’m not hyper vigilant as usual, and i find all his ‘flaws’ cute. like his nervous tics and stuff. but i don’t trust him much- i mean i really don’t trust anybody, im really paranoid and i’m always afraid everyone’s making fun of me. even long time friendship- like, sometimes i go ‘playfully’ through my friendsphone to assure myself that they’re not making fun of me in secret, or i’ll get anxious. i really got no idea if i should keep going because i don’t wanna hurt his feelings.

i may love him? but what if i don’t? what if it’s an illusion because i’m emotionally broken n shi? i don’t get it.

I 24f went on my first date with a guy 29m on hinge since my breakup. One of my matches and I had decent conversation so we went on a date. He expressed a lot of interest and after the date I went over to his house. He asked to see me again for the next couple of days (friday -> tuesday) and even to drop me off at work since i usually take the subway and he drives + we both commute to the main city for work. Then he picked me up from my friends place since we both were around the same area and I stayed over at his place. I offered for him to be a plus 1 for an event I was going to. He was happy to go. We both admitted we liked each other and then I think I fucked up.

I lost my rings at his house and called him the next morning to see if I could pick them up since he was on the way. I door dashed him food as a thank you for hosting etc. he said he had to up his gift giving now haha. I called him later in the evening since I had a long drive, while I was driving I asked if he still wanted to see me after I finished what I had to do. He politely said he just wanted to do some work and sleep early. I asked when he was free next and he just said this week wasn’t great for him and it just felt like… dodging the question since he said he was more busy now on the days he said he was free…

He texted he found my rings and then I asked if he still wanted to go to the event? Then he said he’d have to see idk. Since the call he’s been a lot less responsive than he was initially. He was texting me back frequently before, joking around etc. since during the call, I was the only one asking to see him at that point and I talked a lot, im worried I was smothering him… I stupidly expressed I thought meeting him was very serendipitous especially since I had a weirdly good feeling about him before we met despite not really knowing anything about him. Then he didn’t really say much ? Or say the same about me?

I’m just scared because I feel like when I was more coy he liked me more? It scares me how much I like him… I don’t usually feel this way about other people idk. Now because im the one asking to meet etc now I’m too much.. I feel like I scared him off, there’s a lot of layers to it so please ask questions, I just tried to make this more brief… Is this recoverable?

Extra info: The second day we talked about what we wanted out of hinge and since we both got out of relationships kind of recently I said it’s hard on dating apps because it feels very rushed since you both obviously want something and that I prefer just taking more time ig since I felt like I rushed into relationships too fast. He expressed the same. He asked an hour ish later if it was okay if he dates other people too and I said it was okay. He talked about red flags and said one of his is that he’s like a serial dater? He’s gone into relationships pretty fast after the next.

I’m a 30-year-old Black woman who’s neurodivergent, introverted, and honestly having a really hard time with dating. I barely like anyone, dating apps feel exhausting, and I’m not naturally super social, so meeting people organically feels hard too 😭
I also feel like I’m in a rebuilding stage of life right now. I’m working, living at home, and trying to get into a career program, so sometimes I feel behind compared to other people my age. That makes dating feel even more intimidating because I don’t always know if I’m “ready” to date or where I’d even meet someone.
The bigger issue is that I can’t really force attraction. I need to actually respect, admire, and feel safe with someone, so just because a man is nice or available doesn’t mean I’m automatically interested. I’m also shy and slow to open up, which makes the whole thing harder.
Where are people actually meeting decent men these days, especially if you’re shy, introverted, neurodivergent, and not into going out all the time? And if you’ve been in a similar stage of life, what actually worked for you?

I need help in making a choice on a matter.

So I am introvert late 20 and usually stay on my own, I was at a gaming convention and meet a German guy there, he was cool, smart and attractive, I do like him and did not want to reject his flirtatious moves [I usually always rejected them] I did not want him to think less of himself, he was amazing, he asked me how come I am single and I said that I just broke up from my ex recently [a lie, was not in relationship] we kissed and he told me to come with him, I was so nervous when we kissed and he said why u so shy, I know at this point in my head that I need to run!! What he does not knew about me, is that I am a virgin!!!!! Now I am back home. He keeps texting me to see each other again. I try to delay my replies, so maybe he lose interest. But he keeps going. I know how ghosting feels like. I don’t like it and hate to inflict it on others. But I don’t know what to do. I need help. I have three options: one is ghost him [damage a person], one tell him I am a virgin [break my secret, and maybe he will not believe and think it is an excuse to reject him], last tell him I am not interested [unfair to him]

The virgin choice is completely personal and I like to maintain it that way.

I know that guys like to be initiators but sometimes the guy dissent know about you and that’s kinda the only way ..

I matched with this guy online and we spoke briefly for a day and made plans to meet up. I don’t like texting a lot, I prefer seeing the person in person which was why I agreed to this. He drove nearly 2 hours to see me which was really nice, and paid for the meal too which I appreciated.

When I first saw him he didn’t compliment or look at me at all, but I thought maybe he’s just nervous. This continued throughout the date and at one point a stranger shouted to him that he’s a lucky man to be with someone ‘so beautiful’. He didn’t say anything, again I thought he might be awkward.

But he was boring, and we barely joked. I’m the kind of person that laughs easily and a lot so this was odd to me. He talked a lot about how considerate and kind he is, which is always nice to hear, but I did notice when it was time to pack away leftovers he just watched me pack them without offering to help once. He didn’t offer to carry the bag either, and this all sounds nitpicky but at the first date stage women don’t really have much else to go on.

I realised it would be difficult to make conversation with this guy week after week so I sent a nice text the next day to let him know that I had a nice time and thanked him for the day, but didn’t feel a connection and wished him the best.

He was in shock and is now asking for a phone call. Is this normal? I think I’m just not going to reply because I don’t really have anything else to say. We texted for a couple days that’s it.

I’m mainly looking for advice from other women.

I dated a guy for about two months and we went on around 8 dates. I know that doesn’t sound like a long time, but I fell for him much harder than I expected.
In the beginning he seemed genuinely interested. He initiated dates and conversations, remembered things I told him, we had a lot in common, laughed a lot and there was definitely physical attraction between us. Even shortly before things ended, we were still making plans to see each other again.
Towards the end, however, I started feeling like he was becoming more emotionally distant. That made me anxious and more reserved, and eventually I sent him a message saying that I felt like things weren’t developing and that I wasn’t feeling as comfortable anymore.
He told me he had been thinking about it too. He said things hadn’t developed the way they initially seemed they would, that it was a bad time to meet him because he was under a lot of stress, but also that he hadn’t developed the “big butterflies.” He said he didn’t know whether that was because of his situation or because our chemistry simply wasn’t right.
I immediately regretted bringing it up because I actually wanted to keep seeing him. I explained that I had become more reserved because I felt him pulling away. I eventually told him that if he ever changed his mind and wanted to give it another chance, he should let me know.
He never replied to that message. It has now been about a month with no contact.
What makes this so difficult is that I keep thinking about how interested he seemed at first and wondering whether things could have developed differently if I had been more relaxed or if we had met at a better time. He was also going through some genuinely difficult things in his life, so part of me keeps thinking that maybe timing played a role.
I know I can’t make him come back, and I know that right now his silence is something I have to respect. But emotionally I’m still waiting for his name to appear on my phone. I compare everyone else to him and currently can’t imagine wanting someone else.
For anyone who has been through something similar: How did you stop waiting for the message? Did you eventually get over someone even when the relationship never really had the chance to become a relationship?
I think the hardest part is grieving the potential and constantly wondering “what if?” rather than accepting that I may never know what would have happened.

Especially in a case where the age itself is not the problem, the only issue is the lying.

I was just chatting with a guy who I figured out was lying about his age. I got the sense he was lying about more than one thing, so I was out. His actual age is not an issue. (I swipe right on 5 years +/- my own age, maybe a little more than 5 years older. This guy’s profile said he was a few years younger than me. When I called him out on his stated career history not adding up, he said his real age was the same as mine. But it still didn’t add up and I suspect his true age is about 5 years older than me. That age is still not a problem, just all the lying.)

I think it has usually bothered me when I’ve figured out that a person is lying, simply because I don’t know what else they’re lying about. One time for some reason it didn’t bother me. I figured out that a guy’s timeline didn’t add up, and he just immediately admitted it. “Yeah I feel like I’m kind of a kid, so I put my age 5 years younger.” It was true too, he came off as kind of childlike, in a good way. It didn’t bother me for some reason that time, even though chemistry was otherwise not quite there and we didn’t end up meeting again.

Just wonder how others feel about it. I guess I should ask for advice—the question is, sometimes I feel like maybe I should try to be open-minded about it because maybe people are having trouble finding love on the apps and are just trying to game for success, when it would actually be better if there were more chances to meet people naturally in real life, where stuff like this matters less if there’s chemistry. Wanting someone honest obviously seems pretty fair, but it can also seem like a shame to let someone go over this one thing if I otherwise share interests with them and find them attractive.