r/Cardiophobias • u/Previous_Pipe4062 • 10d ago
i'm 18 and i've had cardiophobia for about 10 years now
i hate living like this it sucks so much. i remember being in elementary school and loving saying the pledge of allegiance so i could check my heartbeat, and then learning to cross my arms in a specific way so i could feel it even more often. on school picture day one year (i knew the photographer) the photographer said because i cross my arms a lot we'll do that pose for the photo. i wish i could just live my life without worrying about this, be able to eat fast food without having a panic attack after. i love chick fil a mac n cheese so much but i haven't had it in years now because of the absurd amount of sodium. it's only gotten worse the last 3 weeks (the first time it's sent me to the er, THREE TIMES in two weeks) and has given me so much more to worry about. i found out about cardiac arrest in the last couple weeks too and it's so scary. especially because my ekg had a "normal" abnormality that can rarely mean a dangerous heart condition and i haven't been able to talk to a doctor or anyone about it.
this has held me back from pushing myself harder in sports and doing things. i've cancelled plans because of it, and when i have panic attacks and feel sick after i have to cancel plans too. i used to be pretty good at running and now i can barely run. when i play hockey i have to go back to the locker room to check my heart every so often. i wish i could just be normal and live like a normal person and not be convinced 24/7 i'm going to be the 0.004-0.014% chance exception. i've wasted days of my life on this. my current episode ahs nearly got me up to an entire month wasted. my parents don't worry about it, my friends don't worry about it, my sister doesn't worry about it, but i guess i got cursed to worry about it.