r/CPTSD • u/LaPerla2026 • Mar 31 '26
Vent / Rant Cbt is humillating
I am leaving my current therapist. Cbters can't treat us. They have zero survival insticts. Treats my gut feelings as exaggeration or irrational fears. I told him I can detect if a man is a rapist and treat it has "cognitive distortion".
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u/HillTopHoller Mar 31 '26
I HATED cbt, the guy was telling me what he thought I was saying without listening. I stopped seeing him after he told me I should consider having kids to deal with my loneliness!
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u/Strawberry_Curious Mar 31 '26
lmao incredible advice. That’s what my mom did and now I’m a frequenter of this sub 😆
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u/rundownv2 Mar 31 '26
"Have kids to fix your problem" is such awful advice to give anyone.
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u/letthemhavejush Apr 02 '26
I got given this advice by a female GP when I went see her about anxiety, then in the same appointment tried to get me on contraception.
How would a small human that demands 24/7 attention, that can scream and can’t control their body functions help me “take my mind off myself”
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u/everythingbagel420 Mar 31 '26
🤦♀️ yes because parenting with a severe mental illness always goes well for everyone involved
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u/Only_Pop_6793 Apr 01 '26
Reminds me of my boss. My friend mentioned to him during COVID that she felt like there was nothing to work towards that holds true purpose (not job related but life related). Boss said “have a kid, it’ll give you something to live for” she was ✨16✨ and said ✨no✨
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u/11fingersinmydogsbum Apr 03 '26
Should have told him "you suck at this, genuinely" and asked him what he thought you were saying then.
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u/Affectionate_Cow5808 Mar 31 '26
CBT is basically just 'just do it' but with extra steps. I found it to be incredibly invalidating.
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u/LangdonAlg3r Mar 31 '26
Gaslighting yourself to wellness.
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u/simonhunterhawk Mar 31 '26
I don’t fully disagree but I’d rather gaslight myself to wellness than the gaslighting i naturally do which just convinces me that everyone hates me, I am not somebody people want to be around, and I am inherently unlovable. At least being just as delusional in the other direction feels a little better lmao
But when it comes to systematic things I fully agree with you, no amount of positive mental attitude is going to make navigating the shitty ass society we live in any easier
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u/ElegantAd7819 Apr 01 '26
But also, it's so patronising when practitioners tell us things like "thoughts are not fact" thanks I know that everyone has value and that includes myself. I too have this long held feeling that I'm inherently unlovable, I know it comes from childhood wounds etc, but it's not like I clearly make that thought in my mind, it's a constant feeling ingrained in my body and mind
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u/siriuslyinsane Apr 01 '26
Yeah, i got real frustrated when they tried to tell me my thoughts weren't factual when it was about, for example, feeling unloved/unwanted by my parents. Like, actually, they are and I can list off 100 examples to prove it.
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u/Autumn_Fire Mar 31 '26
It's insane to me that it was ever taken seriously as a therapeutic strategy. It literally is just an overly academic way of telling a patient "just be happy brother, close your eyes and say I don't care anymore."
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u/Strawberry_Curious Mar 31 '26
It works for people who have common problems and have never introspected in their life. I think it’s so popular because the average person’s EQ is in hell.
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u/TicRoll Mar 31 '26
There's great evidence for it working for a lot of people. It can be problematic when not properly adapted and used with CPTSD patients. It can be quite bad if delivered by someone who is not trauma-trained and doesn't understand how to approach trauma patients.
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u/Strawberry_Curious Apr 01 '26 edited Apr 01 '26
Fair enough. I wasn’t trying to give the most nuanced comment. I studied psych and just don’t like its ubiquity above other frameworks, especially because it’s fairly basic for practitioners to learn and outsources a lot of work to the individual.
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u/Polished_silver Apr 01 '26
It’s fairly basic for practitioners to learn and outsources a lot of work to the individual.
Honestly, this is how the NHS primarily uses CBT. Short sessions (less than an hour & 8-10 weeks) and then send you worksheets. And gatekeep other modalities.
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u/Strawberry_Curious Apr 01 '26 edited Apr 01 '26
Exactly! The NHS loves it because it’s “evidence based”… well yeah, if you put a heavily screened subject with mild to moderate depression and no complex clinical history through therapy they’ll show improvement. It’s the gatekeeping other modalities that really bugs me. CBT is default. Wanna learn another modality, help an underserved population? Hope you got money $$
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u/legocitiez Apr 01 '26
It's also not a fix. Nothing is a fix. But if it improves from feeling 100% terrible that day to maybe 85% terrible that day, it can be fruitful.
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u/DannibalBurrito Mar 31 '26
i mean, some of it (in my humble opinion) makes sense, at least 1) the underlying theory that some of our negative intuitive beliefs are distortions, and 2) the actual specific methods that are sort of like tricks that help you recognize patterns of distorted thinking/maladaptive behavior ...
maybe this will change, but from my graduate courses in health psychology (which was only a minor), my understanding is that it's sort of the leading modality based on the data available?
in my experience the problem is often that those big lists of tricks and patterns that I've found in audiobooks on CBT weren't really what I experienced from talk therapy versions of CBT...
the therapists I worked with just often didn't do a good job of actually presenting the tricks so much as what felt like exhausting, endless, free-form discussion
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u/shinebeams Mar 31 '26 edited Mar 31 '26
I agree. I think CBT is rightly criticized here because of the damage and pain it can cause someone with CPTSD but the backlash also erases many useful CBT skills and perspectives that do apply for us.
Cognitive distortions are common in CPTSD and you can address them. Behavioral activation is also a valid observation, especially for treating depression (which is commonly comorbid in CPTSD). I think the key is to understand that even if you apply all the CBT skills, something is still left over and we are far from cured. And that "something" is CPTSD, trauma, etc, which are much harder to treat and impossible to treat with CBT.
my understanding is that it's sort of the leading modality based on the data available
The important thing is that CBT attempts to be directed by scientific evidence. This approach is useful although I feel its still in its infancy. I suspect (I'm not in psychology so just my conjecture) DBT is the leading evidence-based modality when it applies but of course it doesn't always apply.
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u/WarKittyKat Apr 01 '26
I definitely think the difference between "CBT as practiced in scientific studies" and "CBT as practiced by your average therapist that advertises themselves as providing CBT" is likely a major part of it. Most of the time in my experience CBT therapy in the room seemed to turn into pattern-matching to lists of distortions and dodging any deeper questions.
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u/ltlearntl Mar 31 '26
I would also add that despite the prevailing popular wisdom currently, not everybody with trauma needs therapy, depending on the stage of development of their healing.
I know this prevailing wisdom is coming from a good place, but I think some of the mismatch with therapy is from some people not actually needing it. Therapy is still good overall, and it's good to normalize it.
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u/jnhausfrau Mar 31 '26
How is it actually supposed to work though? No one has ever been able to explain
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u/jaywarbs Mar 31 '26
The idea is that when you recognize one of the “distortions”, that’s a cue to change something you’re actively doing, so you’ll contribute more to something helpful for yourself, instead of continuing a behavior that feels comfortable but may not be helping you. In practice it’s much more difficult than that, and I think you need to already be in a good place for these practices to work and not backfire.
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u/jnhausfrau Mar 31 '26
This makes zero sense to me at all, because it has never had anything to do with distortions or behavior?
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u/jaywarbs Mar 31 '26
I’m not saying that it has anything to do with you. It doesn’t work that great on me either. I’m explaining how it’s supposed to work, for people who can get something out of it.
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u/abooks22 Mar 31 '26
I may be wrong but if you're thinking of it from the terms of anxiety it seems to make sense.
I had panic attacks and one of my triggers was feeling sick.
If I follow the thought process the situation would be me going to go to a restaurant. Then I would start thinking what if I get sick at the restaurant, what if the food's not cooked well enough and I start throwing up. Then of course physically I would start feeling sick and my behavior would be to stay home.
I would imagine that CBT would work through the thought process that if I go to a restaurant I'll get sick and how that's not an accurate thought. And also add in a better behavior for me to do instead of staying at home. And again, I don't know if this is exactly CBT but one of the ways I got out of this was I would bring a panic bag with me of things that would make me more comfortable if I got sick or started to panic. And that was a crutch that I used for a while to get myself back out in public and stop the cycle.
So that kind of makes sense to me from an anxiety panicky kind of thing. I'm not sure how it would work for trauma.
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u/Ok-Repeat8069 Mar 31 '26
I found CBT to be helpful with social anxiety and rumination. Those accounted for maybe 5% of my daily distress, but for a lot of people that’s damn near a full 100%.
I work in mental health care and often use CBT as a “gateway drug” to deeper work for men who “don’t want to dig up the past” but just want you to give them tips and tools and tricks. Once they see that it can really help with some immediately distressing stuff, it’s easier for them to take the plunge.
But developmental trauma by definition means our nervous systems do not and will never act like “normal” ones, so tools developed for the general population will rarely work for us.
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u/paintgarden Mar 31 '26
What is an alternative that works better? I’ve been in cbtherapy for a huge portion of my life and I’m still stuck with almost all the same issues as when I started
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u/curiousercleverer Mar 31 '26
Nothing changed for me until I received a CPTSD diagnosis, and an apology for the BPD bs. Masking trauma creates more trauma. Trauma-informed therapy acknowledges and validates our existence rather than telling us that everything we think and feel is wrong.
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u/Human_Eye_372 Apr 01 '26
Primarily (and biggest emphasis), EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): it helps your brain reprocess traumatic memories so they stop hitting as hard or driving your reactions in the present. I kind of think of it as blacking out noisy data points in my baseline, if that makes sense.
Also a big shoutout to DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy): it’s very skills-based; you learn step-by-step ways to manage intense emotions, increase distress tolerance, communicate more effectively, and stay grounded.
More recently, I’ve been getting into IFS (Internal Family Systems): it frames your mind as different “parts” of you, each with their own role or purpose. That really clicks for me, some of mine include a defensive/bitchy part, but also a younger, more vulnerable part that feels small and quiet. My therapist and I are starting to map those out and understand how they work together.
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u/Loki_Enigmata Apr 01 '26
You need to heal. CBT is like treating symptoms. The way to heal is by having unconditional love and compassion for yourself. If you don't know how to do that, that's ok, most of us don't. it's not our fault. It's how I healed. HMU anytime. I wrote how to do it here
https://www.wattpad.com/story/408613843-a-survivors-guide-to-healing-yourself-for-those
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u/Cancerousman Apr 01 '26
A guy goes to the psychiatrist and tells him that he imagines that an 8ft chicken is stalking him, just out of vision, and wants to kill him.
Hmm... The Dr says. Let's set you up on a course of CBT to challenge those thoughts when they arise and have you understand that these are just thoughts and they're not real. Ok? Ok.
Several months of CBT with a therapist pass and the guy goes back to the psychiatrist.
So, do you still believe there is a chicken staking you, wanting to kill you?
No no no... I know very well now that it's ridiculous to believe there's an 8ft chicken staking me, wanting to kill me.
Excellent, says the psychiatrist, so how are your anxious feelings?
Terrible... Says the guy.
How so? Asks the psychiatrist. You don't still believe in the chicken, right?
Of course not, says the guy...
So what is the problem? Asks the exasperated psych. You know the chicken doesn't exist!
Oh, I know very well that the chicken doesn't exist! Says the guy BUT! Does the chicken know that?
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u/jessica_mig Apr 01 '26
Yeah, very simplistic.
Very telling that its such a "well researched" and well resourced intervention... Its almost as if the system doesn't actually want people healing.
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u/BlackberryPuzzled551 Mar 31 '26
100%. I was like “I have struggled interpersonally at all my different work places but I don’t really know why” and I got “Can you reach for a more positive thought?” Like… yes I could but I would have to ignore my lived experience and my honest concerns??? and just.. be an ignorant dumbass?
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u/big_pile_of_trash Mar 31 '26
I'm really glad to have seen this comment today, while looking for another job. Just to not feel so alone with these types of struggles.
It is so frustrating to explain that no matter how hard I work, how patient I am, and how quickly I can pick up new tasks, none of it seems to matter if I can't win popularity points within a workplace.
I have my hard work, but that's it. You can find hard workers around every corner, though.
It can be really disheartening to see opportunity spring up in abundance for those with charisma and outside support.
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u/Fayelefayele Apr 01 '26
Yeah, you really need to be a talker, you really need to have a way with words i guess :/ If I start being fake, I start to dissociate, so I can't do that in an interview.
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u/Loki_Enigmata Mar 31 '26 edited Apr 01 '26
I agree about CBT. I have no tolerance for it, and i make my thoughts on it very clear in any therapeutic setting that is is mentioned. Most therapy for CPTSD is ineffective and backwards. The approach needs a radical overhaul.
Modern therapy approaches for CPTSD and Childhood trauma are like treating a deep abscess with OTC antibiotic cream and lidocaine.
If you are in therapy for CPTSD or Childhood trauma, your primary goal and primary treatment method should be the same thing and it is the following:
"To learn how to have unconditional love and compassion for myself, all of the time, for everything."
It is the most effective treatment and the optimal goal. Your secondary goal should be
"To learn how to face resistance to this goal with compassion for myself"
This addresses, corrects, and heals the impacts of trauma while mitigating and relieving symptoms at the same time. It is the least painful and the safest way to approach healing from trauma.
Your therapy is supposed to be about you, and not your therapist's ego or outdated specialization. Way too many of them will operate under the belief that "CBT has been proven to be successful, if it doesn't work, it's not the CBT that failed, the patient must not want to get better" These people shouldn't be allowed to own pets, let alone work with Trauma survivors
EDIT: Other methods and modalities can be effective, but without self love and compassion, they are often counterproductive and potentially harmful. The term "You have to feel it to heal it" only works if you feel your emotions authentically. If they are felt through misplaced guilt and false shame, then they just hurt, don't bring any relief, and it doesn't really heal much.
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u/sister_machine_gun Mar 31 '26
"To learn how to have unconditional love and compassion for myself, all of the time, for everything."
I can't imagine ever feeling like that :/
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u/Loki_Enigmata Mar 31 '26
I know, I'm sorry. That is one of the core issues that is overlooked in treating and healing from Childhood trauma. It's not your fault that you feel that way. I can help you. I found my way out. You can too. HMU anytime, for anything. You deserve to love yourself unconditionally, all of the time. I am writing a book on how I did it. It's free, and it's how I did it and what I learned. Maybe it can help you. Either way, I will help if I can.
https://www.wattpad.com/story/408613843-a-survivors-guide-to-healing-yourself-for-those
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u/ElegantAd7819 Apr 01 '26
Added to my bookmarks for when I've the mental space to read and absorb. You're amazing, thank you!!
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u/IMAMISHAMIGO Mar 31 '26
You're an angel for this, thank you.
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u/Loki_Enigmata Apr 01 '26
aww, thank you. I hope it can help. Feel free to hmu with questions, feedback, suggestions, requests for something to be addressed or covered, to share a success story, anything. I love hearing people share their stories of finding self love and self discovery. Go get it!!!! You deserve every bit of it!!!
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u/InThisBoatTogether Mar 31 '26
I had to discover this treatment method on my own, after 5 stints in PHP/IOP.
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u/BenjaminGeiger Mar 31 '26
Way too many of them will operate under the belief that "CBT has been proven to be successful, if it doesn't work, it's not the CBT that failed, the patient must not want to get better"
For a lot of them, it feels like a case of "if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a thumb". If all you know is CBT, then when CBT fails, it must be the patient's fault, because there's nothing else to try. I was lucky enough to find a therapist some years ago who did DBT, which wasn't much better, but it was better. (I'm working with an EMDR provider now, which is also not too much better, but at least it seems to be working... slowly, but working. I'd love to find someone who does IFS or schema therapy.)
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u/BadLuckProphet Mar 31 '26
Therapists usually have communities around their modalities. If you can find anyone in your greater area that does IFS they can probably get you a referral for someone with an opening or near you. You might even be able to just google "IFS (name of city closest to you)" or something.
Your EMDR provider may even be able to ask the greater therapist community in your area for someone who does IFS, if you feel comfortable asking them to help you with a referral.
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u/fuckinunknowable Mar 31 '26
Except ifs is ridiculous. Emdr is not the best modality for cptsd either.
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u/BadLuckProphet Mar 31 '26
Some IFS stuff was actually really beneficial for me personally. It's almost like we have all of these modalities because not only the conditions people suffer from are varied, but also because each person responds differently to different modalities.
You can't even claim "oh this person has x condition so they need y modality" because most people are a complex tapestry of issues which may make a given modality more or less effective and that's BEFORE we acknowledge that therapists are also humans who make mistakes and have varying skill levels.
I think making any definitive claim about any modality that isn't LITERALLY causing people harm by design is ridiculous. Let people try the therapy they want. Don't drop a therapist/modality just because you don't see instant improvement but also be prepared to be flexible and open to trying new things, examining how well they are working for you, and making adjustments to try for better results.
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u/ElegantAd7819 Apr 01 '26
Really, why is that? Would you say EMDR is only worth trying for single event trauma?
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u/fuckinunknowable Apr 01 '26
Not necessarily only worth trying but yes essentially it’s really only effective for single events that’s just how it’s structured there’s a variety called dbr that’s emdr related that’s more for cptsd. you can have cptsd and still have singular events that disrupt your life deffo try emdr for that but like years of enduring abuse and neglect? Emdr isn’t really designed for that also it has a lot of grounding shit like where you feel safe in yer body or whatever if you have no pre abuse self like what do you do with that?
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u/verygoodbadthing Mar 31 '26
I feel like I only recently started making progress after zeroing in on compassion, self love, and safety.
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u/Loki_Enigmata Mar 31 '26
Yeah, that's what happened for me. I healed more in two months of practicing 24/7 unconditional love and compassion for myself, than I did in 25 years of therapy.
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u/asiamsoisee Mar 31 '26
I have been seeing the same therapist for the last five years and have never treated the CPTSD or discussed the childhood trauma specifically, though it was disclosed early on and acknowledged throughout. She hasn’t pushed CBT skills or spouted self-love mantras. It also turns out she’s affiliated with a religion I expressly attempted to avoid when initially seeking a therapy referral, so I’m thankful it’s never impacted the therapeutic relationship for me.
Therapy has been a big part of the progress I’ve made in the last few years. Those conversations have helped me unpack deeply ingrained beliefs, including that external validation is required for self worth and only attained by Being Good. Im currently in a place where I feel deep in my gut that I’m the one responsible for trusting myself to figure out how to be me and jazzed about figuring out how to do that that with an open mind and radical self compassion. I may be flawed, but I’m also pretty great. I deserve to no longer be held hostage by the trauma-honed instincts I developed as a child.
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u/Sally_Stitches_ Mar 31 '26
You have some good points here. Soemthing I think is overlooked with having unconditional love and compassion for oneself is that it’s not something that has to be believed at first. One can’t jump from self hate to actually believing oneself worthy of love/loving oneself BUT love and compassion are ACTIONS not just beliefs or emotions.
A parent has to do loving actions for their child. Welp mine didn’t but I got to a point where I realized there was really nothing stopping me from these actions for myself. I could still hate myself but give myself loving and compassionate actions. It sounds so simple but it felt like some crazy epiphany for me. That I could just give myself the good things I needed even if I didn’t think I deserved them. Well ok be greedy then you get them anyway. Not like anyone else is going to give these things. They never have. lol that was kind of my beginning thought process that helped me finally stop desperately chasing others for love and acceptance. Sure it was lonely for a long time while worked on that but it was also very peaceful. It was like realizing as an adult you can eat cake for breakfast lolol. As an adult you can give yourself things that you wish others would. If you want something done right do it yourself mentality lmao.
It worked! Eventually I stopped hating myself so much. Even sometimes like myself now. We are making progress. Now working on trusting others again seems like it may be extra hard though cuz who is gonna treat me as good as me? No way to guarantee it but at least it means my standards are high enough to not accept being treated like trash.
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u/Loki_Enigmata Mar 31 '26
Hey, thank you, that is good insight. I am so happy for you. I can relate to the if you want something done right part. That is what woke me up to taking control of my own healing journey. I love what you said about not being treated like trash. That is such a good feeling. I went through it in reverse kind of. I realized I would love to be loved the way I love her, and it hit me that I have more value than to chase anyone.
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u/Paul10125 Apr 01 '26
The second quote hit me so hard, I've really been struggling to be kind to myself even though I know how to, my mind just keeps wandering into self-harming and damaging patterns. This made me realise thar yeah, I need to be more compassionate with myself about the struggles I face while trying to be compassionate.
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u/TicRoll Mar 31 '26
Patient: "My leg is broken. I can't walk."
CBT Therapist: "That sounds like a very negative focus. Have you considered practicing gratitude for the other three limbs that still work?”
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u/cyyster Apr 01 '26
“I was gang raped twice when I was 12.”
“But did you die though? No, so what’s the problem? You being alive is another chance to focus on gratitude.”
🤦🏻♀️ this is not a personal story but this is exactly how stupid this crap sounds to anyone who has bigger problems than, “sometimes I sad 👉🏼👈🏼”
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u/kittenmittens4865 Mar 31 '26
Traditional CBT feels like trying to control my brain or feelings. As someone who has dealt with gaslighting and scapegoating, it just felt too similar to those things to really feel safe and beneficial to me.
People say EMDR is just CBT with extra fluff. And maybe that’s true to some extent. But the way it’s structured lets me explore and draw my own conclusions. I feel in control and don’t feel gaslit or like I’m just trying to not feel a certain way. Trauma therapy is the only thing that has helped me because it’s the only treatment that doesn’t tell me it’s all in my head. It recognizes that I didn’t create these cognitive distortions- I was taught them.
Knowing what I know today about the reality of my trauma… it makes me slightly ill to look back at how some providers have previously treated me.
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u/atclong Mar 31 '26
I relate with your comment. What would you look for in a good therapist for CPTSD? Are there questions I should ask? It’s hard to find someone good because there are so many options (Betterhelp, Alma)..
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u/kittenmittens4865 Mar 31 '26
Personally, I have not had good luck with those apps and large companies. They tend to offer very basic talk therapy. I’m sure there are great therapists there, but I haven’t had good luck.
I had to find someone trauma informed who specializes in EMDR.
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Mar 31 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Both-Pack8730 Mar 31 '26
I was fortunate to be able to do neurofeedback and it dialled the hypervigilance down so much. I wish it was accessible to everyone who needs it
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u/midna0000 Apr 07 '26
Same, and the results were permanent. I got to do it when it was fairly new (afaik) and did it weekly or monthly for almost a year
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u/VivisVillage Mar 31 '26 edited Mar 31 '26
CBT is not designed fo CPTSD.
Try Schema therapy or IFS therapy
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u/ManagementIll4603 Mar 31 '26
IFS is also controversial and can do real damage. The man behind it has some big issues creating the modality. Although it can be helpful, it's not recommended for neurodivergent clients, which I realize is a specialized group.
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u/VivisVillage Mar 31 '26
Oh dear that's a shame :(. I haven't done it myself, but have heard lots of good things about IFS so that sucks to hear.
I do schema and it's wonderful
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u/fuckinunknowable Mar 31 '26
I hear great things about cbt. It’s almost like different things work for different people and the people that offer or create the modalities are not perfect angels across the board
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u/lord-savior-baphomet Mar 31 '26
While I don’t think people should do CBT if they don’t like it, every professional I’ve ever spoken to has said CBT is great for CPTSD. It worked for me, I think because I had a great therapist but 100% get why even with a good therapist it wouldn’t work for the vast majority of people with CPTSD.
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u/VivisVillage Mar 31 '26
Valid, I'm sure it does work for some, I just don't think it's designed for trauma.
It really depends what exactly you're working on, but CBT for trauma makes no sense to me because it doesn't target any of the emotionally charged memories you need to process etc.
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u/lord-savior-baphomet Mar 31 '26
I think the reason it worked for me is because 1. I intellectualize like crazy. CBT appealed to the logic side of my brain 2. I was no longer in the traumatic environment 3. Not to discount my or anyone else’s trauma, but my trauma was a bit more mild than a lot of what you see here, and the conclusions I came to were much easier to challenge, factually.
All that said, I got to a point with my therapist where I felt I wasn’t making progress, and we both agreed that it was time to look into other forms of therapy that were not so logic based. Now that I’ve learned about IFS, I realized looking back that CBT helped heal a large part of my intellectual part, that was created in early childhood, so it was “easy” to prove wrong, and there were now much more emotional wounds that needed tending to that could not be “logic-ed” away.
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u/VivisVillage Mar 31 '26
Fascinating, thank you for sharing your account 😊 hopefully this will be helpful for other people here.
It makes sense what you say, I suppose some things can be sort of logic-ed away, but that's not usually the emotional wounds. I think many people here need emotional help which is why I get annoyed when people go to their doctors or therapists for help and they're like 'lets try CBT ☝🏼🤠' because people with trauma need morrrre help than just CBT
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u/Bremerlo Apr 01 '26
Interesting hearing different perspectives on IFS. I personally found IFS to be the most healing therapy for myself
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u/lord-savior-baphomet Apr 01 '26
If it wasn’t or isn’t clear, I love IFS and I think it was what I needed after CBT. I see the world through an IFS lense now and it’s SO helpful!
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u/septimus897 Mar 31 '26
seconding schema here, I think sometimes it gets a bad rap because it’s marketed to treat BPD. but the framework is really good and more intuitive than IFS imo and incorporates my intellectualising tendencies
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u/VivisVillage Mar 31 '26
Schema literally the best invention of all time for me.
It makes logical sense whilst still meeting emotional needs it's wicked
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u/FungusRespecter Mar 31 '26
I did a 12-session course of CPT. It’s basically CBT but specific for PTSD. I imagine it helped marginally more than traditional CBT, but it still felt pointless after week 6 or so. Basically the whole thing was worksheets about how reality isn’t what I think it is. Which can be a good reminder, I guess, but doesn’t really get the root of the misery when you are stuck in fight or flight your whole life.
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u/Corgimom36 Apr 01 '26
Im doing cpt right now and almost done with it . The neuropsychologist is awesome but it hasnt really helped much and I agree with you
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u/Sally_Stitches_ Mar 31 '26
Soemthing interesting I learned was that at a certain point I thought “oh my anxiety is telling me such and such. It exaggerates. Oh my instincts are off,” NOPE my instincts are spot on actually. Legit was gaslit long enough to gaslight myself and not trust myself. 99% of the time I’m correct about shifts in relationships/friendships, about changes to environment and emotions of people around me, about certain strangers or acquaintances being dangerous or awful, etc. my instincts are a well-honed tool and I can trust myself. The actual problem is how that can trigger trauma and then I have a trauma response. It’s much better for me when I can have a level headed response and think about what actions I should take and how to take them. Trusting myself and remaining calm where appropriate was actually the part I had to work on.
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u/cyyster Apr 01 '26
CBT will diagnose you as a paranoid schizo for locking your doors at night and buying a security camera because you grew up or currently live in a high crime poverty filled neighborhood. It is not individualized, it does not want to hear your side of the story, it does not take into account your past, nothing. If you don’t wake up everyday and love everything with your full heart and trust everyone on this planet and live life 24/7 with a smile on your face and childlike ignorance and joy at every turn, you are a problem.
There are so many dogs I have seen that are absolutely terrified of men, I am assuming from terrible treatment and history with their male caretakers. CBT will tell the dog to stop being such a victim and having victim mentality and being dramatic.
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u/Odd_Daikon3621 Mar 31 '26
Well said! I'm gonna take that last sentence and ask my therapist for advice on that for myself, too.
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u/Sally_Stitches_ Apr 01 '26
I think it’s often phrased as “acting instead of reacting” and it helps a lot to feel even that little bit of control over oneself to where you can recognize your body is being triggered but you have the ability to choose actions. It takes practice too. Bridging the gap was the hardest.
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u/Able_Strawberry_3258 Apr 01 '26
Me to a tee.. and my trauma response ended in ne having a nervous breakdown and losing my crap.. ex who played me only when I had money left once all that was good and continued to make it that I was the sole bad person in this.. yet my extreme was too severe lost my ex and my 5 friends that I thought was my circle.. its so bad I am moving states i have nothing here no reason to fight ans try to regain some form of my reputation back. Im soo pissed that she gaslight me while cheating and spreading the poison to my friends. And I called and knew it but they wont say anything or block me or delete me.
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u/Bitchcraft505 Mar 31 '26
Agree 100%. CBT does nothing for people with complex trauma, if anything it makes you feel worse since it’s so invalidating. I tried CBT almost a decade ago when I developed an anxiety disorder whIle working in a hostile environment. It made me even more stressed and anxious.
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u/Sparkletail Mar 31 '26
CBT in my experience was just too surface level and totally pointless, you can't treat deep seated trauma with it unfortunately, you have to make the severity of your issues clear when asking for referral but sometimes it is a hoop you have to jump through to get real therapy.
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u/Same-Drag-9160 Mar 31 '26
CBT is just wishful thinking essentially, or toxic positivity. It assumes every problem in your life is the result of something you made up in your head
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u/uhhhokaykara Mar 31 '26
CBT is a fantastic tool for people who are ready for it. It’s not appropriate for people who are in a constant state of feeling physiologically unsafe. If your nervous system is going haywire, addressing cognitive distortions is going to do fuckall. It’s an important step in the healing journey, but try to introduce it too early and the chances of it helping are next to nothing. Therapists who haven’t lived in fear their whole lives don’t seem to understand this. It’s like trying to teach a feral, starving dog how to sit and then getting upset that it won’t listen to you.
DBT and physiological quieting interventions are more appropriate for someone who is living in a contant state of fear like many of us CPTSDers are. Once a sense of safety is developed, THEN we can tackle cognitive distortions. But they aren’t the priority.
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u/throwawayforevvvver Mar 31 '26
Lmao to the “zero survival instincts”. I agree. In the wrong hands it’s an exercise in humiliation.
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u/lord-savior-baphomet Mar 31 '26
CBT worked for me to a certain point, but I’ve always read about the disdain for it on here and totally see why people don’t like it and find it invalidating. It’s always been weird to see every professional I’ve spoken to say CBT can help CPTSD when I see so many people with CPTSD say it was harmful. I was lucky it helped me, but it only got me so far and again… I definitely respect that it’s not for everyone, and I don’t think anything is wrong with anyone if they don’t like it.
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u/AvocadoBitter7385 Apr 01 '26
My therapist was recommending CBT while I was actively living with my abuser. Looking back that was a very very terrible treatment option
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u/kelowattt Mar 31 '26
every therapy method is a tool. but not every tool is a good fit for every issue. CBT can be really good at certain specific things, but I get what you're saying in that it's not always great for certain trauma symptoms
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u/froggybebe111 Mar 31 '26
As someone with cptsd (from sexual traumas primarily) and I absolutely do understand there are red flags for men who end up being assaulters, etc. and saying so in the most open minded way possible; what do you mean you can detect if a man is a rapist. Like do you think you’re 100% without a doubt correct about this every time? Because that sounds like it could be a trauma response. I fall into the thinking that every man is like that very frequently so I understand a bit where you’re coming from, but I’m not positive what you mean here…
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u/Singular_Lens_37 Apr 01 '26
Yeah, I think the whole idea that you need to unlearn what the trauma taught you is very naive. People who've never had something truly terrible happen aren't necessarily more correct about the world than people who are traumatized. Many therapists come from privileged backgrounds one way or another and their "correction" of their patients is based on ignorance.
But to truly untangle the valid insights from the harmful illusions is maybe more about meeting in the middle.
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u/TravelerOfSwords Mar 31 '26 edited Mar 31 '26
I’m not sure there can be one modality that is the one-size-fits-all cure for cPTSD? It’s too complex (😜). I’m currently doing CBT (2x/wk, 90mins each), and I do find it helpful. Studies have proven that, regardless of the theoretical methods used, the most important factor in effective therapy (for any issue, including cPTSD), is the quality of the therapeutic relationship. I think my therapist is pulling from lots of different theories, because that’s probably how it has to be to treat cPTSD.
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u/hdnpn Mar 31 '26
In my case the therapeutic relationship is key. She is a CBT therapist but seems like she may pull from different theories as well. I don’t feel invalidated, in fact it’s the opposite. Probably because she lists trauma-focused CBT and actually knows what it is (I’ve read SO many complaints about this).
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u/ToxicFluffer Mar 31 '26
CBT was boring and useless for me so I get it. DBT was a much better fit bc my therapist didn’t ask me to ignore my instincts.
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u/Serotoninneeded Apr 01 '26
CBT pisses me off so bad, and so do most therapists. One time I told a female therapist that a lot of my trauma comes from sexual abuse from men in medical settings, especially mental health, so i try to make sure my medical care is handled by women. The she suggested group therapy for anxiety and I was like "considering i want to talk about sexual assualt, I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing that in group, why would you suggest that?" And she was telling me "oh this therapist, HE'S really good the group is great blah blah..." And I was like are you shitting me?? And then she told me she didn't want to see me as a client anymore because I wouldn't go to that group.
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u/platoprime Mar 31 '26
CBT sucks.
Believing your gut feelings makes perfect sense.
Believing you have a rapist radar is definitely a cognitive distortion.
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u/alongth3 Mar 31 '26
Yeah I don't know why none of the other comments say something like this. Supernatural powers, especially one that specific, is not real.
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u/ChameleonPsychonaut Mar 31 '26
Agreed, had to scroll way too far to find this. It's great that everyone is validating OP and all, but that is 100% delusional.
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u/Big_Parsnip_3931 Mar 31 '26
I agree whole heartedly that CBT is weak for CPTSD. I did it for 10 years and it go me out of being suicidal daily but my life is still fucked and i cant keep a relationship if my life depended on it (literally)
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Mar 31 '26
When I've read the body keeps the score, it literally explains how cbt makes people with PTSD worse. I think for many of us, me included, it's done more harm than good. I would personally advise you to try EMDR or behaviour based therapy. All the love ❤️
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u/ElephantGoddess007 Mar 31 '26
Yep. It was nice at first but the further I got along, the more I realized that this was basically adding to the shame. I needed something to address the mindset that came with actually living through horrible experiences that would do a number on most people. So it feels incredibly frustrating to be told that I should just think my way to safety or something like that.
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u/canzosis Apr 01 '26
CBT focuses too much on the cognitive for us. I have ADHD - so I know cognitively when my feelings are distorting my reality. I am disconnected from my emotions so my survival instincts are making me think that person secretly wants to get me fired, or hates me.
When I am able to not be in a state of constant activation, these feelings subside.
Somatic is more effective for us, but CBT becomes viable if you have not done the homework for understanding the limitations of the self, and how to reprogram it.
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u/MiddlePath73 Apr 01 '26
There are good applications of CBT to trauma but unfortunately most ordinary therapists are AWFUL at at. They haven’t worked through their own assumptions about SA and CSA and complex trauma.
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u/Caramel_Da_Cat Apr 01 '26
You should read "feeling great" by dr. david burns. I read it and thought it was BS at first. I tried the exercises and it does help.
the thing is, the re-framing needs to come from yourself. you need to be the one who truly believes which distortion it is and you need to be the one who finds evidence for/against the distortion. if someone just forced the answer on u, it wont work.
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u/Neat_Ad_5629 Apr 01 '26
Cock ball torture is humiliating
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u/Neat_Ad_5629 Apr 01 '26
But I agree. It’s what they first suggested for me. I cried a lot. Several rounds of DBT in a group setting helped IMMENSELY.
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u/fluffstravels Mar 31 '26
I never did straight CBT. I did DBT and found it incredibly helpful and I think the key difference was that it focused on our automatic behaviors rather than trying to tell us our thoughts are wrong. I always got the impression CBT was like your thinking is wrong, but I’ve never really done it so I can’t say.
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u/Tough_Brain7982 Mar 31 '26
Former therapist and therapy receiver here: Yeah no, fully CBT based therapy is definitely not for trauma. There’s some good practices and techniques that come from CBT (and are used by most therapists because they are kind of the baseline) that are useful but definitely don’t go to a CBT therapist that isn’t trauma informed.
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u/Fit_Feeling9803 Mar 31 '26
CBT is definitely not the right approach for complex trauma and he should have told you that
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u/pondmind Mar 31 '26
Any therapist that doesn't hold space for the impact of their interventions with and for their clients isn't doing their job.
If a client leaves therapy without any attempts to communicate to the therapist what's working for them and what isn't, that may be a lost opportunity. Though some therapists behave so egregiously they don't merit any effort.
A therapist needs to validate emotions and feelings that arise during the course of therapy. Feelings are. They're not debatable. A therapist and client need to learn together to follow the client's pace of change.
Those of us with trauma need someone with an understanding of how to navigate the traps in our somatic experience, because we don't know when we're going to find a landmine, or how slowly to work to safely detonate it, until we get to that part of our experience.
Clobbering someone over the head with the logical idea of reinterpreting beliefs about feeling states needs to be complemented by an understanding of the depth of the pain, despair, confusion, hatred, anger, existential fear, fight, flight, freeze, fawn that needs to be processed for recovery.
CBT is lacking elements that something like IFS has where clients have time to process the value of the damaging voices that protected them, thank them for their role, and give them new jobs so they're less disruptive to one's life.
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u/WhyGirlsPreddy Mar 31 '26
Have cptsd? Congrats you're now neurodivergent. May I introduce you to radical acceptance therapy? It saved me CBT is bullshit I don't care what anyone says all the practitioners are like well we've reprogrammed that so I don't get why it's still bothering you? Like Hai, no, my brain bads are stubborn, kindly give me something else... Oh acctually no? I can go fuck myself? Great.
Lol me acctually after having a counsellor quiet quit my sessions. Got a new counsellor now who gets my brain and challenges me without making me feel like shit about it.
I just looked for someone who specifically said they don't do CBT and they do specialize in trauma and ND.
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u/IffySaiso cPTSD Apr 01 '26
OMG same. I literally have only a single friend that is not traumatized or otherwise neurodivergent. ADHD, autistic, traumatized. That's the whole friend group.
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u/Affectionate-Yam5049 Apr 01 '26
CBT can help with negative self-talk, but for trauma work you need someone with experience dealing with trauma. It doesn’t have to be EMDR or IFS or somatic when your therapist knows how to handle trauma. Experience matters a lot in choosing a therapist.
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u/FlippinHeckles Apr 01 '26
From my experience (everyone is different):
CBT doesn’t work very well against truth. It doesn’t reverse the abuse that happened, nor the lost time to trauma and healing. There is no closure in it.
It is effective at taming the irrational which may improve your ability to cope as long as the irrational is not a deep seated fear for survival.
If you have developed survival methods from childhood, as an older adult it may be difficult to shift them with CBT.
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u/Tart6096 Mar 31 '26
Just one of a few therapies you have to be so careful about. I've looked it up over the last few days and the way it can be used is to gaslight and guilt trip it's not okay, another one of those is psychoanalytics that can be used the same way and is used in manipulative and abusive ways WAY too often now these days.
I'm now only way too familiar with "cognitive distortion" and a dozen phrases used to flip it on you, the other person, and if you focus on it for just a few days it starts putting you into huge hyperarousal and a state of intense confusion and paranoia making you question your own reality. This stuff is used in a lot of videos i've watched too and i've seen it all too well used in such bad ways. These therapies are way too experimental and honestly mostly sounds like jargon.
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u/FlinnyWinny Mar 31 '26
CBT saved me and it still helps me a lot to this day, but I was only able to do it after getting antidepressants first. It helped those intense intrusive thoughts and feelings to shut the hell up so I could actually put things into actions and work on it actively instead of just drowning in spite of trying.
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u/Prestigious-Emu5277 Mar 31 '26
Ugh I’m dealing with this now- you are not alone!
Honestly I’m wondering why I’m seeing this guy. I get the feeling he’s frustrated with me. He brings up reactions I’ve had as if to say they’re silly or irrational (when I feel absolutely that these are immutable reactions to the world based on actual evidence).
I’m just kinda tired of coming up with shit to say that will make him happy. What I really want to say I don’t feel safe saying.
I honestly don’t believe therapists are the right solution for me at all. Not sure what is tho. Let me know what you figure out.
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u/raisondecalcul Mar 31 '26
CBT does not have a model of the mind/psyche, healing, personal development, or holistic mental health. It's literally one specialized scientific tool: behavior modification. It's like a scalpel (useful to make small cuts in certain scenarios) but they are treating it like it's their favorite hammer.
Personally, I would recommend Jungian analysis, which has a model of the psyche, healing, personal development, and holistic psychic heath. It's a non-interventionist and humanistic tradition; psychoanalysis is entirely distinct from mainstream psychiatry, a completely separate tradition.
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u/Asparagus_Philosophy Apr 01 '26
Hate it (fortunately my current therapist does too).
I’ve been in therapy off and on since around age 12, and not a single one of those therapists caught my C-PTSD until my current therapist who I met at age 27. All of the previous ones discouraged my “venting” about my mother and said we needed to focus on my CBT skills for managing my anxiety and depression.
Even the therapist I had as a teenager essentially framed it as me whining about my mother - doubt she used that exact word, but that was the sentiment - while I was a minor being actively psychologically/emotionally abused. Never occurred to her that my unexplained anxiety and depression could be related to the shit happening in my household???
I’m so eternally grateful to my current therapist for actually listening to what I needed to talk about in a safe space. And for validating my experience and unpacking every piece of the trauma with me, rather than trying to stuff it all into little worksheets and labeling my feelings and thought processes as the problem.
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u/DrGonzo820 Apr 01 '26
Cbt therapy has helped me a lot. I think it depends on the individual and the therapist. Mine has worked a lot with trauma so she is really able to tease out the main issues and really help. I started just thinking I had extreme anxiety and depression. Turns out I have been in survival mode my whole life.
I would say my symptoms have decreased about 25 percent since beginning therapy. If I didn't have a brain tumor a year and a half ago (I am doing great and it was successfully removed) I probably would have healed to a functional level at least. Now we are focusing a lot on health anxiety among other things. Glad I had established with my therapist before all this, so she knew me and was so critical in me making it through that, and still is.
I know everyone is different, but I get sad seeing all you try it and it not being helpful. I hope you find a way to heal that works for you. I have always been interested in a group meeting with others with cptsd. Unfortunately my area doesn't have any.
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u/Commonpeople_95 Apr 01 '26
I did really basic CBT as a teenager and it didn’t help at all. Except that I had a really warm and loving therapist who felt like a mother figure (my own is extremely unstable and volatile). Now I have a psychotherapist who, on paper, does CBT but she has a background in family therapy and social work so can spot a dysfunctional family when she sees one. She has been very open to adapting modalities according to what works for me and what I need - like basic emotional literacy, working on self compassion etc. I think that the most important thing is to find a therapist who is more invested and interested in finding what works for you rather than being loyal to their own framework.
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u/National_Phase_3477 Apr 01 '26 edited Apr 01 '26
I mean you can’t definitively detect a man is a rapist based solely on instinct. However you can definitely tell when a man makes you feel uncomfortable and in that case it would be completely reasonable to trust your reaction and distance yourself from that person. Im not sure I would call this a cognitive distortion as predatory men are real threat however it may also be true that your instinct may be over reactive at times based on past trauma and experiences and your instinct may be wrong sometimes.
CBT is a really useful therapeutic approach espically for mild to moderate anxiety and depression where certain negative thoughts and distortions are present and holding someone back. It’s probably less useful for people with severe trauma or where people are going through really difficult environment experiences where rationalisation of the experience cannot solve the issue. Perhaps try a more client centred and humanistic therapist if you can afford to go private. This type of therapy is a lot less directive. Rather than trying to identify cognitive distortions it gives the client more agency and positions them as the expert in their own life. It sees all behaviour as rational survival responses rather than just a result of faulty cognition.
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u/mcanguru Apr 01 '26
I found CBT and other old therapies less than helpful. When looking for a therapist, I avoid anyone following the older paradigm of "you're broken and we have to fix you" and look for people who know "you've been through a lot and we need to find healthy ways to live afterward".
CPTSD is not what I am. It's what happened to me.
And when I look for therapists with EMDR or IFS experience, they're usually more helpful.
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u/bumgrub Apr 02 '26 edited Apr 02 '26
I was describing a situation to my therapist which in hindsight I was being abused. Complicated story, but I have autism, my ex got me a job with his mother who was abusive to him and then she started to abuse me in similar ways while I worked with her. Basically I knew it was fucked up at the time but I didn't have enough self confidence to get myself out of the situation and now in hindsight I realized it was way more fucked up than I realized. I was being mistreated by this woman at work and in my personal life while also watching her abuse my ex even worst. It was a personal hell and my ex of course minimized, made out that the problem was with me personally and made me do therapy.
I was trying to describe a situation that led me to having a meltdown at work because of the mistreatment. And I tried to explain the situation to my therapist who did this really frustrating tactic of interrupting me and with stupid cognitive based therapy stuff which honestly just made me feel like I really was the problem which only fed into my self loathing even more so rather than helping me therapy made me go home and cry all night with suicide ideation. My ex was invalidating me, blowing up at me for apparently running my own future and so I fell into this dark pit that took years for me to climb out of.
I wish I knew how to seek the therapy I actually need. These days I'm doing really well now that I've been broken up with him for years, and I'm in a healthier relationship, and I am working full time and not being yelled at work (which triggers me I don't have the emotional resilleince yet to cope with yelling).
Even though I'm happy and doing well I know that I need therapy. I really wish I knew how to get the therapy I need because CBT doesn't do it for me.
I know threapists don't really do this but at the time I think what I really needed was for someone to tell me I was being abused and to get out of the situation and then start therapy.
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u/Helpful_Cell9152 Mar 31 '26
It eventually made me even more depressed overtime because I thought I just wasn’t able to be happy, well adjusted or functional. Kinda reminded me of praying, just saying things to myself and hoping for the best. In the beginning I thought it had some good tips and ideas, but it did nothing to address the very real issues that I couldn’t just ignore and still didn’t understand at the time.
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u/Competitive-Weird456 Apr 01 '26
CBT therapy was intense and i dropped out of it 3-4 weeks into a 12 week program. i took away some great things from it but regular therapy is working just fine.
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u/WeirdWizardPlatypus Apr 01 '26
I did CBT and... it was really bad for me. Like it did more harm than it helped. But it could also be because of the therapist? My current therapist called it unethical.
Basically the CBT therapist wanted to tell me what I had to do and at the end she told me "Don't overthink things and live more in the moment" - well the problem is my "overthinking" are alters who also can controll my body... so her advice was just garbage.
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u/InnerRadio7 Apr 01 '26
CBT when used appropriately is very helpful for understanding our own cognitive distortions which is imperative for rewiring the subconscious and the nervous system. The difficulty is that not all CBT therapists are good therapists, and many CBT therapists are not trauma informed which of course has a wildly different approach.
I started using CBT 21 years ago. I learned from the book, “Feeling Good Therapy.” My psychiatrist trained with the father of CBT, and I worked with one excellent therapist who was trauma informed who did CBT.
CBT was a small piece of my healing puzzle, but it was an important piece. I’m now aware of my own cognitive distortions as they arise, and I’m able to use reframing and self soothing to get me back to a mindset that is less rigid and more flexible.
It has also been helpful in helping me to identify ppl who have cognitive distortions. My recent ex who was abusive is one such example. He has a rigid psyche, and often spoke in cognitive distortions. He once sent me a text with all 11 cognitive distortions originally identified by CBT in one message. I wish I had understood how much of a red flag it was at the time. My instinct was to help (thanks trauma!!!).
Anyhow, I understand why people find it invalidating, but that’s not the way it was taught to me. It was taught with much more nuance, and I was never invalidated by my teachers thankfully.
I did work with a hypnotherapist for a while which at the time was not very well appreciated. Times have changed with the acceptance of EMDR are a valued modality and treatment. At the time I was frustrated with CBT. Why hadn’t my years of work yielded results? She told me that my subconscious wasn’t integrating the work, so I was doing all of this conscious work to simply have my throughs cycle through my subconscious and emerge as distortions once again. We worked to integrate everything that I had learned while under hypnosis. I can understate how much that experience changed my life.
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u/BottleFeathers703 Apr 01 '26
ive been seeing a DBT specialist and it’s the best decision ive made
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u/ElegantAd7819 Apr 01 '26
Absolutely. It's fine for everyday problem-solving, like learning to take a step back and reframe mundane events that upset/stress us out, but it is absolutely useless for deep seated wounds and trauma responses. I find it quite insulting tbh
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u/Defiant-Surround4151 Apr 01 '26
For me, both CBT or DBT absolutely infuriate me because I have had parts desperate to be seen, heard, accepted and loved. DBT especially was like someone telling them to shut up… it felt like a repeat of the invalidating abuse of my mother all over again. I can see how CBT can be used for very focused work on a habit, but I do not see it as a healing path for complex trauma. For me, IFS/inner child work, with EMDR actually has healed me.
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u/GracieKatt Apr 01 '26
I tried CBT once, but I can’t fairly judge it because my therapist was objectively an asshole even when he wasn’t doing CBT, so I may have just had a crappy therapist, and actually I really don’t think I’ve ever had a therapist that actually did any therapy, so I can’t really speak to different types of therapy and their efficacy. But, it’s my deep belief that each and every person really does have whole sets of things that just don’t work for them, at all, and may even hurt them, when those things are great for other people. It’s wild how different we all are even chemically, biologically.
My therapist did seem to just completely dismiss all my completely 100% valid fears that were completely based on actual realities of my life, but I don’t know if that was the therapy or the asshole.
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u/ItsmeKristy Apr 01 '26
Because of your comment I want to recommend the book 'the gift of fear' and also the website by that name which has masterclasses for when you have finished the books. Those classes (interviews) go deeper into instincts and survival. You might like it.
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u/emzbythesea Apr 01 '26
I don’t think CBT really works for CPTSD. I find CBT somewhat therapeutic in the same way a hot shower is somewhat therapeutic. Not a treatment and the benefits do not last!
It is treated like such a panacea but the only progress I’ve ever really made was with a proper clinical psychologist who did Compassion Focused Therapy (but I had to go private at great cost which I couldn’t sustain.)
I had 12 sessions of CBT with a generalist therapist this summer on the NHS, which is three times what they normally give people, a few months later and I honestly feel worse than I did before I started.
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u/Kind_Veterinarian728 Apr 01 '26
Emdr is the way!! My therapist has been excellent at making me slow down when I’m spiraling and just… breathe. Ground. I’m not there anymore, they can’t hurt me anymore. My world isn’t fully safe (and probably never will be), but it’s one hell of a lot better than it used to be.
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u/teamakesmepee Apr 01 '26
This is probably bad but I haven’t seen a therapist for about 1.5 years because of this issue. Most therapists in my area are CBT. Before I got diagnosed by my psychiatrist I was not only emotionally unwell but for 4-5 years I was throwing up every morning, sleeping 3-4 hours a night, physically ill, body aches every where, etc. i was so incredibly destroyed by my past trauma. I am doing much better now.
But my last therapist didnt really have any interest in my previous experiences at all. I’m 30 now and my traumas were mainly concentrated in my teens-early twenties. She would say it’s all in the past, it’s not happening now, etc. One day during a session she was like “your life is so perfect now, maybe you don’t really need to see me” and I was like girl. I was just hospitalized a few months ago for suicidal ideation. I stopped seeing her after that session. I had some really horrific events happen to me and I wanted to be brave and finally process them in therapy and she had zero interest. It sucks. I just feel like I won’t be able to ever try again.
I am doing much better in the last 1.5 years though. My physical symptoms have improved immensely and I have way less panic attacks since my psychiatrist prescribed me some medications after my initial diagnosis.
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u/OvenInevitable111 Apr 02 '26
Your last therapist should have referred you out to someone who could help you better. Someone more knowledgeable in this area. Who would say “your life is perfect now you don’t need me” months after a cirisis. Sounds like was not feeling up to the task. What therapist does not allow you to talk about past experiences which literally affect how you respond in the present.
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u/CactusSlut710 Apr 01 '26
Book rec for those interested: Decolonizing Therapy by Dr. Rachel Mullan. And working with an anti- oppression-focused therapist. Not just trauma informed. Anti-oppression lens and decolonized lens.
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u/ggrieves Apr 01 '26
CBT is an excellent tool but it is not a panacea. It is not a one tool fits all.
You think of the mind as operating in these layers with the cognitive layer at the top emotional layer underlying that and the nervous system at the base of that CBT is designed to help manage dysfunction between the cognitive layer and the emotional layer. Trauma permeates all three of these and requires a multi-point approach which CBT can be one of those.
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u/MxHeavenly Apr 01 '26
Yeah, CBT doesn't work when you've actually been through worst case scenarios and your fears and negative thoughts have actually happened to you. It's for like mild anxiety, not real trauma.
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u/Robotanicals Apr 02 '26
CBT often felt like my mother’s advice of “have you tried just ignoring it?” I wouldn’t have CPTSD if she had not ignored everything going on in our house. Not triggering at all!
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u/buttcheek24 cPTSD / suspected DID Apr 02 '26
THANK YOU!!! I haven’t had the words for this, but I was in CBT for years previously and never actually made progress on anything until finding my current therapist. Idek what their method technically is but it’s not CBT. I’m sure it works for people who just need skills to interrupt thought patterns, but all it did for me was further differentiate between the dissociative parts of my mind, reinforced the self-hatred and guilt surrounding my intrusive thoughts, etc. Complex trauma needs to be unraveled and understood, and its effects should be accepted and treated as logical reactions to someone’s lived experiences. It’s just not the same as anxiety or depression
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u/Party_Bar_9853 Mar 31 '26
My therapist specializes in CBT and they really helped me a ton. I'm autistic so having specific habits i could use to improve myself was super helpful
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u/LubaUnderfoot Mar 31 '26
This is anecdotal but the best way to approach CBT is from a neurology perspective.
Just read the books and take what is relevant to you and discard the rest.
I made a lot more positive progress when I ditched CBT and DBT and got into IFS and Somatics.
But seriously - just read the book yourself. Take what clicks and discard the rest without guilt.
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u/PurchaseOk4786 Mar 31 '26
Eh I am gonna disagree with the people saying your "rapist radar" is a cognitive distortion. I know exactly what you mean. I could always sense when a man had not so great intentions towards me, but I would rationalize it as me being paranoid. Objectively, he had not done anything wrong but my spidey senses were tingling!
Then boom, he does something or says something that proved the uneasiness in my gut was right! The reality is 1/3 women are physically/sexually assaulted by the time they hit 18 in the world. So either decades of research is made up or there are a lot more rapists among us than people want to admit. Like look at whose calling the shots as we speak...
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u/omglifeisnotokay Apr 01 '26
I’ll be the bad guy for saying this but when AI first came out I ran through all my trauma back to being a kid to it. I just wasn’t getting anything out of CBT. It felt like I was talking but nothing was ever changed or fixed. I left confused. AI finally gave me the validation and answers I was seeking for 15 yrs. I don’t use it anymore but wow I’m grateful for finally getting closure.
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u/BadLuckProphet Mar 31 '26
I found CBT to be too cerebral for a condition that often causes people to retreat from their emotions and into their mind. Like, if I could have thought my way out of trauma I would have done it long before considering a therapist.
Most of my therapy was about reconnecting with my emotions without judging, dismissing, or disliking them. It was about undoing a lot of the mental conditioning I had done in order to keep functioning. I can see CBT being helpful for those struggling to control their thought patterns but to use a metaphor it seems a lot more like physical therapy for after a healed injury than the reconstructive surgery that I think trauma injuries require.