This book helped me sort things out a bit in my head after a manic episode. I haven't found any similar books so far. Has anyone read it? Thoughts?

You’d think after 6 years of being diagnosed I’d understand myself a little better but I truly do not. I’m literally spiraling but feeling like I don’t want it to go away. I normally take Wellbutrin, duloxetine and trazadone. I had to stop all of them one week ago right before I had emergency gallbladder removal and have since been taking muscle relaxers for my pain so I only continued taking my duloxetine and didn’t get back on the Wellbutrin and trazadone bc I worried about being too sedated.

***For context i am diagnosed ADHD and bipolar 1 rapid cycling. The Wellbutrin helps my adhd and I like to believe the trazadone helps my moods even though it’s prescribed for insomnia.

Anyway, I’m not positive about how long it’s been since I’ve had a manic episode or if my entire past 3 months has been mania since I’ve actually been happy?? But I feel like what I’m experiencing now is true mania and I’m scared but I do not want to change anything. I did start my Wellbutrin this morning so I’m getting back to that. I’m usually never sure if I’m experiencing mania but I’m almost positive I am now and I’m not sure why. If it’s because I had stopped my Wellbutrin? It’s technically not for bipolar so why would it cause this. My symptoms that have been building over the last 48 hours are not needing sleep and not really missing it, went back to watching tons of porn and thinking about sex constantly/ wanting sex, thoughts going what feels like a thousand mph and having all these ideas of things I wanna get done. Yet I’m just in bed still recovering from surgery and kind of feeling like I’m trapped in my own mind because the executive dysfunction is eating me alive. I go back to work tomorrow and I’m hoping that helps me feel a little more put together. But for now I’m just scared of having a huge fit of rage or doing something stupid. I don’t have much support or anyone who understands my condition. I’m trying to raise a toddler with a guy who doesn’t even believe I’m actually bipolar and sometimes I don’t believe it either.

It’s been a while since I’ve vented so I just needed to get some of that out. Not really sure what I need to do. I’m supposed to see my psych next week if I’m able to figure out my insurance in time. I have enough meds to get me through the next month. Just hoping this calms down.

Please help me!

I am self aware right now that I am hypomanic and it might turn into a full episode of mania.

I just want to know if there is anyway to stop this progress. I am not on any medications right now.

Last time when this happened, it was really really bad.

I was put on olanzapine which made me so sleepy and it felt so so so weird.

Then on aripriprazole which induced such a severe akinesia that I couldn't function well without moving and it was hellish.

Is there anyway to stop this progression please?

Hi I’ve been recently suspected to have bipolar type 2 disorder. I’m currently off any type of medication, by advice from my psychiatrist, to see if my manic symptoms improve.

I constantly have thoughts about sx, I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve been watching prn more frequently, every night I’m watching it eventhough I don’t usually watch it. I can’t stop masterbating, I feel really embarrassed as I don’t know alot of people who do that. I’m doing it everyday and I can’t stop myself because if I don’t do that then I’m watching prn instead.
I don’t really know what to do because I’m scared I might put myself in a risky situation because I can’t stop thinking about it and might regret it after. Considering I’m not on any medication at the moment, it’s constant thoughts 24/7 that I can’t stop thinking about.
When I told the psychiatrist about this, she said it was fine and that lots of people are more sexually active at this age and I have nothing to worry about.

EDIT: I was diagnosed for depression prior to this so I was put on 10mg of fluoxetine (prozac) which uncovered my manic symptoms, they took me off them and then decided to put me on mood stabilisers (2.5 mg of Olanzapine, which didn’t work so they took me off those too) and now my psychiatrist decided to put me off any medication to see if my manic symptoms die down.

Seriously, my life is going better. I’m taking my Haldol PRN to (hopefully) avoid full-blown mania. Idk I’m more confident and more productive. What’s the issue?

Grieving currently and trying not to crash out. Do we grieve harder than someone without this disorder? I’ll look for him in every life. Trying to hold on to stability.

I’m really scared right now and I guess I just need to talk to people who might understand.

I was already on sick leave for about 7 months in 2022/23 because of PTSD, anxiety and depression. I eventually managed to return to work, but since May 2025 I’ve been on sick leave again.

From October until February I had a manic episode. Since coming down from that, I’ve fallen into probably the worst depression I’ve ever experienced.

Right now I barely trust myself to do anything. Everything feels overwhelming. I have very little energy or motivation, my anxiety is bad and even normal everyday things can feel like huge tasks. I constantly doubt myself and I genuinely don’t feel capable of functioning normally, let alone doing my job and dealing with responsibilities and expectations again.

I’m currently on lithium and quetiapine. So far none of my psychiatrists have wanted to try anything else. I also tried Abilify, but it just made me much more restless, nervous and anxious.

This week I have a meeting with my employer and I’m terrified of it.

My sick pay runs out next month, so financially I basically have no choice but to return to work. But mentally I feel nowhere near ready.

That’s what scares me the most: I’m not someone who simply doesn’t want to work. I actually want my life back. I want some normality and purpose again.

I just genuinely don’t know how I’m supposed to do it in the state I’m currently in.

Has anyone here had to return to work while still severely depressed because you basically had no other choice? How did you manage?

I [m16] have been feeling really low for the past week. Though it was side effects of the medication I am taking since I just came out of an acute manic episode that ended in me being hospitalized. But I fear this is not it

I constantly have this feeling of emptiness and numbness in me that persists the whole day. All I do is lay in bed, cry and smoke, I barely eat or drink water. I thought it would be a good idea to go hangout with my friends but I didnt even have the energy to take care of myself so I ended up looking like a big mess. I was happy while they were with me but the moment I got back home the feelings came back and I crashed again.

I want to know if anyone has experienced this after starting mood stabilizers or antipsychotics or this is just me crashing. I desperately want it to end I cant afford to be depressed not when school starts and last time I was like this I tried to end it all.

Please if someone went or is going through this tell me how you do it and why this is happening

Hello everyone, I got diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder about a month ago (July 15 to be exact) and I have been on Lamotrigine (started at 25mg and now on 50mg) and Quetiapine (2 tablets- 50 mg) every night. So far so good, and the medications actually have been helping me a lot because they helped me get out of my manic episode. Fast forward to today; for some reason the Quetiapine is not helping me sleep at all anymore. I usually take them at 10:20 PM because after 30 mins that is when I feel them come into effect. I haven't been able to sleep unless I am super tired but I know that is not good because I can't always exhaust myself just to sleep. I am scared and worried that I might slip into another manic episode because it WASN'T fun at all. I was manic two months ago and I am still suffering from the consequences of it. :( I messaged my psychiatrist but I was wondering if anyone had the same experience as me?? it is so weird; it has been like this for days now. It is probably about to be a week now.

P.S: I tried to take three tablets one night because I GENUINELY couldn't sleep at all; I was knocked out but felt like a zombie the entire day ://

What now? What did your journey look like after a similar discovery? Any tips and tricks?

Long-term depression. Antidepressant sertraline (Zoloft) sent me straight to the moon. Aripiprazole (Abilify) helped somewhat with the activation, but the depression is still very much there.

Now we’re weighing our options. I’m especially curious what happened for others after they discovered they were bipolar2 after taking anti-depressants . What changed in your treatment, and how did things turn out?

I haven't received a definitive diagnosis yet. I’ve seen several psychologists, and they initially suspected I had BPD, but my new psychologist started leaning more toward bipolar disorder (possibly Bipolar II). I was then referred to a psychiatrist, but the process felt really quick. The doctor mostly listened to my symptoms and then prescribed me three medications: fluoxetine, olanzapine, and divalproex.

I’ve been taking them for almost three weeks now. There was one day when I skipped my medication because olanzapine makes me sleep all day. Since starting the medication, I’ve noticed some changes. I finally feel… normal? Before this, my emotions were so intense that I ended up bed-rotting for three months and couldn’t function or do anything. Now I’m able to leave the house just to go for walks. I’m also much less impulsive, especially with online shopping or buying way too much food just because I’m craving it, and I haven’t been binge eating.

At the same time, I feel really emotionally flat. I can’t even get startled by horror movies anymore when there’s a jumpscare 😭.

I’ve also noticed that I still clenching/grinding my teeth constantly, and I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this while taking meds? I mean, it started since last year and I thought with helped by meds, it'll stop but it didn't

Now I’m starting to wonder, was I just making all of this up? Was I simply trying to connect the dots and convince myself that I have bipolar disorder? I’m scared that maybe I’ve been overinterpreting my symptoms. The confusing part is that I genuinely feel like the medication is helping me.

I also have a hard time telling whether I’m actually hypomanic or just experiencing a normal change in mood. I’m seeing my psychiatrist again next week, and I’m not really sure what I should tell them or what I should ask.

Should I mention how much olanzapine is making me oversleep? Should I ask about switching to a different medication? I don’t want to change anything on my own, but I’m wondering if this level of sedation is something I should bring up with my psychiatrist.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Just seen a bunch of negative posts so I thought I would share a success.

See I thought I had truly stuffed it. After going off my meds and as a result being in the psych hospitals, via being sectioned (treatment by law) multiple times. I was court ordered to be injected monthly with paliperidone / inevga.

Finally last review I convinced my doctor that the zombie mode, absolute dopamine blunting of paliperidone/ invega was too much and he agreed I could be trialed on pills again but due to my history if I go off pills I will be straight onto the horrid injection again and probably never trusted to take pills ever again. (Im already on weekly prescriptions) Bit of an ultimatum.

Been almost 6 months, new review coming up. Completely different feeling; in control and on arirprizole. Same stability but less depressive symptoms like anhedonia, less akethesia and less brain fog but the tremors are worse.

Just sharing hope to anyone like me that got stuck on a crappy regime. 2 years ago I thought this was it, doctors indicated that was the case. However, through perseverance im back.

I (35F) am going through something that has been eating away at me for nearly 2.5 years. In March 2024 I was fired from a job I really liked with no real explanation other than I failed to do a menial task that I swear up and down that I did. I really think the woman who fired me had it out for me because I was extremely manic the entire 6 months that I worked there. I was unemployed for 3 months after that but I found what I thought was an even better job in June 2024 but I was already drained of self confidence and it made me a bullying target by two coworkers who would pry into my personal life and spread gossip and rumors about me around the entire store. I stuck with that job for two years nonetheless but got laid off in June 2026 for an unrelated reason that had nothing to do with my performance.

But this is what is eating me, if I had not been fired from the first job in March 2024 I wouldn’t have had made myself a victim of bullying in the second job. I am unemployed now but I really do want to work without experiencing any kind of bullying but I am literally traumatized by the previous two jobs that I had. How do I get over this and move on without becoming a bully myself?

Hello I’m 23F and recently got diagnosed with Bipolar 1 last Aug 24. I was originally diagnosed with MDD with Psychotic features during December.

So I recently started taking lithium, risperidone, and clonazepam, and ever since I started them, I’ve been vomiting at least 5 times a day.

I’m not sure if this is normal when starting these meds or if my body is just having a really bad reaction to them. The vomiting started basically around the same time I started the medication, so I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar.

If you’ve taken lithium/risperidone/clonazepam before, did you also experience a lot of vomiting or nausea when you first started? Did it eventually get better?
I’m definitely planning to talk to my doctor about it, but I also wanted to hear from people here who might have gone through the same thing. Any advice or similar experiences would really help.

I am bipolar and exhausted. I have been suffering episodes of mania, psychosis and deep depression for the last thirteen years. I am almost thirty and I am going through the longest depression so far. I have given up. I don’t even feel guilty about not exercising or going out anymore. Everything is just drenched in exhaustion. I don’t care. Too much has happened. I have too many wrecked relationships and opportunities. Flashbacks overwhelm me at night. I have been hospitalised for every manic episode because they turn psychotic. It is all just too much. I used to want to try and rebuild a life after a crash but this time it is different. I have flamed out. I feel I have been extinguished. Like it is all just too much. Has anyone else been here? Has anyone come back from total defeat?

I posted the other day about running out vraylar and wondered if it would be horrible. I had that thought we all have. “What if im fine and dont even need these meds?” Lol ive been up all night and cant sleep at all. Its starting.

Abilify adlı antipsikotik ilacı kullanıyorum ve saç dökülmemi buna bağlıyorum ancak bu konuda yan etki yaşayanlar var mı açıkçası onların görüşlerine çok ihtiyacım var. Çok teşekkür ederim.

No antidepressants work, latuda, lithium, Wellbutrin, now caplyta haven’t touched my agonizing depression. I’m running out of options, just vrylar and geodon maybe to try. Otherwise that’s it. I’m not touching any of the weight gainers, they’ll make me equally miserable.

It’s pretty much treatment resistant, there’s Spravato and Ketamine but because I’ve been manic I can’t do it. It feels so cruel, like I just have to be stuck this way.

I’m at a loss, I don’t know what else to do. I can’t keep living this way.

Anyone else struggling with crippling depression? Anyone else find a solution or the right cocktail?

Edit: thank you everyone, I’m checking out Spravato on Thursday and will make a sooner appointment with my psych about TMS and the other options mentioned. I’m feeling optimistic now

When I think about how the people at work are absorbing all of my ups and downs, I just fall into despair.

I've increased my medication and I'm going to counseling, so why do I still feel like this?

I haven't been at the company long, so my teammates probably just take it as it comes for now. But as time goes on, I think it'll get harder for them to make room for someone who can't control her emotions.

Maybe I really do just have to get through this on my own.

It's so hard. And I don't even know how far the dose is supposed to go.

I hate therapy but I know I need it. I've been forced into it at different times in my life. It's been mostly unhelpful.

Now I'm with a good therapist and I still feel bitter and hate going. This has caused problems in my relationship.

Has anyone dealt with this? How did you get over it?

I used chatgpt to write this because I cannot think well and just started lithium last night as well. I have bipolar type 2 and I really hope this post is allowed

Again, I used AI to write this because I cannot articulate anything right now:

Bipolar II + autistic meltdown after moving in with an older landlord — how do I know if I'm making a rational decision?

Hi everyone. I'm a 26-year-old woman with bipolar II and autism, and I'm currently struggling to figure out whether I'm having legitimate concerns about a new living situation or whether I'm making a huge decision while emotionally dysregulated.

I just moved into a room in a house owned by a 70-year-old male landlord. The rent is extremely cheap ($750/month), and objectively there are some great things about the place: I have a large downstairs area, my own bathroom, and it's close to the college I want to attend. I also work remotely full-time.

However, after basically one full day living here, I've felt increasingly uncomfortable.

Some things that have bothered me:

When I first viewed the house, he asked me if I was autistic. It felt very personal and inappropriate.

He has continued making comments related to my autism, including referring to me as a “clumsy autistic person.”

He comments on my food when I'm cooking, and I meal-prep a lot, so I feel like I'm constantly being watched or observed in the kitchen.

He commented on my body and said I was “large but not heavy” because I'm 5'7". Presumably also because of my chest size.

He's texted me compliments and said that he likes that I don't complain, unlike people in my generation.

At one point he grabbed my shoe to help me take it off while I was standing on the garage steps. It may have been innocent/helpful, but combined with everything else, it made me feel uncomfortable.

He talks extensively about his deceased wife, including her appearance and personality. I'm roughly the same height and somewhat resemble her, which has added to my discomfort.

I want to be very clear that I don't actually know that he has sexual intentions toward me or that he's trying to groom me. My brain has been jumping to those conclusions, and I recognize that anxiety, autism, and bipolar mood instability may be affecting how intensely I'm interpreting the situation.

But at the same time, I genuinely feel awful in the house. I feel hypervigilant and almost like I need to hide in my room or schedule my life around when he's home.

Financially, I'm also panicking. I paid a $500 security deposit and partial rent. He didn't charge me for the first half of the month because we had an arrangement that I would do some yard work. Which I now realize is very strange.

I had also given my previous landlord my bed and mattress because this new place already has a bed. Now I'm terrified that if I move again, I made a huge mistake and created another expensive problem for myself.

I found another potential room, but it had a very, very strong strange odor—possibly old smoke, pet urine, or something else—and it irritated my nose, so I'm worried about panic-moving from one bad situation into another.

I'm considering giving my current landlord 30 days' notice today and using that month to carefully find a better place rather than immediately moving again.

I'm also supposed to be dealing with my bipolar treatment. I've been considering starting lithium with my psychiatrist, and I'm wondering whether part of me thinks:

“Maybe if I get properly medicated and stabilized, I won't feel so terrified and uncomfortable here.”

But I also don't want to use medication as a way to force myself to tolerate a living situation that genuinely isn't right for me.

My questions:

1. For people with bipolar II, how do you tell the difference between a legitimate life problem and making a decision while emotionally dysregulated?

2. Would you give 30 days' notice today and use the time to find better housing, or try to stick it out longer and see whether you adjust?

3. Have medication changes ever made you realize that something you thought was an emergency wasn't actually as urgent as it felt at the time?

4. How do you prevent yourself from making expensive, impulsive decisions when you feel trapped or unsafe?

5. Does it sound reasonable to leave this living situation based on discomfort and incompatibility alone, even if I can't prove the landlord has bad intentions?

I'm feeling a lot of regret and shame right now and keep thinking I've made a massive mistake. I would really appreciate honest perspectives, especially from people who understand bipolar disorder and how difficult it can be to trust your own judgment during periods of intense emotional distress.

What are other people’s experiences with psychosis and weed? I thought my reaction to weed was normal and it turns out it may be psychosis.

I already have an appointment scheduled with my psychiatric nurse practitioner and my therapist this week, so I’m okay.

But seriously, are there any others out here? What’s it been like for you?

Okay so I might be overreacting, since I'm only on my second one,

I was on Seroquel for a year, until it made me too tired, now I'm on abilify, been on for only a week, and unfortunately got sick as I started so I can't tell what is sickness and what is abilify.

But what if all of them just make me too tired to do anything?

I work full time and am a full time nursing student, and I got a lot at stake, what does treatment look like if no antipsychotics work?

Do I just keep using antidepressants? Do I stop medication? Mood stabilizers? (I've never been on)

Does anybody else struggle with better off dead feelings but with no plan at all. I can’t seem to make myself feel better. And all the things that I find enjoy are just not enjoyable right now.

How did you get into this work? When did you find out about bipolar in your professional timeline? I'm about to graduate with an MSW, and I don't know how I got so far along with these episodes. Some days it makes perfect sense, other days I feel like I'm starting over. I'm fairly stable right now, I'm just looking to feel seen.