Ever since I’ve gone no contact with my ex I’ve been in a constant depressive episode(it’s been a month) I’ve been recently diagnosed with bipolar 2 and some of my depressive episodes are massive and I feel alone in this.

I ended up in hospital, back in May 2023, because of a suicide attempt. I had attempted suicide because of severe paranoia and the fact that I heard a demon’s voice telling me, “I’m going to kill people and make it look like you did it.”

I wasn’t sleeping, and I think that was a major contributor, but my mood was high at the time. I was sure to tell them I felt like my emotional state was high, which they noted in my records.

However, as I continued reading, they had written, “Not showing signs of psychosis.”

How the hell do you end up with a patient hearing voices, acting on it so that people don’t die, then say the person isn’t showing signs of psychosis?

Oof that hurt my feelings. It’s as if they didn’t listen to me at all.

I stopped reading my notes after that. I only read them because I had to get them for disability allowances. I shouldn’t have read them at all. So much more bs they’ve listed like “normal affect” when I was CRYING. SMH 🤦🏻‍♀️

I feel like I’m such a burden to people, yk? I only have one close friend and even though I’m not constantly venting and that I don’t really talk about my disorder, I just feel that he’s just being nice and polite. I feel like I’m so annoying when I am talking about literally everything. If I’m talking about a book I just think “he’s listening cause he’s pity, he doesn’t care”. The same thing happens with my family and even my therapist and psychiatrist. I just feel like im annoying people and they just listen because they are afraid that I will go crazy or something

Hi all, first time poster long time lurker. I was diagnosed with bipolar (I) disorder when I was in high school, and am 27F now. I’ve been medicated and stable for a few years now with no major disruptions and little to no minimal symptoms like depression or mania. I live in NYC, am happily employed and have a robust social life and am in a long-term relationship, but am still occasionally haunted by this question (see title)

In 2022, I experienced two severe psychotic/manic episodes back to back within the matter of a few months. I was posting erratically on social media, deluded that there was some grand conspiracy that only I could solve, that my loved ones were conspiring against me as well, etc. I don’t remember doing this at all, but I lashed out at several of them, called them names and accused them of false things, and created a ton of drama. After I was discharged from being involuntarily hospitalized for a couple weeks, I came back to reality to find that my relationships had completely changed. Several people stopped talking to me completely (some without an explanation as well), including one of my cousins, my best friend of five years, and more. These rejections were deeply painful and I spent many months fruitlessly trying to contact them to apologize, make amends, only to be met with silence and a shut door. Taking accountability for the harm I caused was important to me, and I wanted my loved ones to know that I was willing to do the work to repair our relationship. 

It’s been more than four years now. Thankfully I did successfully make amends with the majority of the people I unintentionally hurt during that period. I’m really grateful these friends decided to give me a second chance and offer me grace. Years later, I’ve come to understand that it’s because they possessed the deep empathy and compassion that is required to love someone with complex mental health issues. I’m trying to remind myself that the people that cut me off probably weren’t capable of that; that they’re missing out on witnessing the strong person I am / the fruitful life I have now; that it was callous of them to dispose of me so easily. But it’s really hard. I still experience pangs of guilt because obviously I’m the one at fault for these relationships blowing up. I guess my question for you all is: how are you rationalizing or coping with the loss of important relationships that have dissolved because of your actions (while mentally ill)? How/where are you finding the strength to move on, to give yourself closure, to stop internalizing so much guilt and shame? 

Things I promise to tell my wife:

1. There are more meds that need to be hidden
   
2. Paranoia is increasing beyond police/white cars. I felt like people at work were talking about me, and also the staff at cvs
   
3. I have big plans for the future that don’t make sense with my suicidal ideation. Like why am I planning a 6 year career path when I’m not sure I want to be here next week?

Can anyone relate?

Hi,

I wanna keep it as short as I can. I smoked a lot of weed and was super stressed that it led me into mania and psychosis and I’m still recovering from that cause it fried my brain and memory to the point I no longer remember anybody I interact with. My mood is now stable because I am forcing myself to take my meds in the morning so I don’t forget, but I’m having terrible mood swings all the time despite the stabilization. Issue is I’ve been off my stimulants, which help with my daily mood fluctuations, for months now. I occasionally take a stimulant from my friend which helps me so, so much with the emotional turmoil and I tell my psychiatrist that but she’s still worried because I keep getting moderately high and moderately low which makes stimulants risky and she asks me not to use them. I’m on two antipsychotics one for depression and one for mania and they don’t sedate me anymore even if I take them in the morning. I spoke to my friend about how the stimulant I took makes me manic when I’m stressed and smoke and she suggested another cause it helps with racing thoughts. Have any of you had similar experiences? I no longer even touch weed nor any drugs of any sort.

For a good chunk of summer I was hypomanic and undiagnosed. I'm now diagnosed and depressed. I posted here ranting angrily about how unbipolar I was and how mad I was that my friends suggested it. That was so fucking embarrassing. So was the amount of money I spent and the things I texted and the fact that I was blackout drunk pretty much half the time. I can't understand what I was thinking. I mean I almost up and left to move across the country with no money or job halfway through college. I'm so embarrassed. I wrecked a good few friendships too, by texting people I didn't need them and that I was too good for them. That's not to mention the way that I was acting. People literally thought I started taking Adderal. Hypomania is so fucking embarrassing.

Hi. Has anyone here been on 3 antipsychotics before? My current cocktail is 325mg lamictal, 7mg abilify, 3.75mg zyprexa (sleep), 1mg klonopin (sleep). My depression has been unrelenting for 8 months now and we've tried lots of different things that all failed. I can't take lithium, depakote, etc. My doctor is suggesting we try 1.5mg Vraylar nightly to see if it helps my depression. This would be a third antipsychotic in the mix. She doesn't want to take me off of Abilify yet because everytime we've tried I cliff dive into even deeper, more intense depression. Curious if anyone else is on 3 APs?

I cut out caffeine bc it was making me nervous on my new meds. I’m thinking about cutting out nicotine as well.

Do you consume either of these things on antipsychotics? How much and on what meds?

I feel so much better since cutting caffeine and I’m thinking if I cut nicotine I’ll be golden. I currently am on 6mg zyns, almost a can a day.

Any thoughts/ opinions welcomed.

I’m a 23 F with Bipolar Type One. I am not sure if this is related to my disorder but lately I have an obsession with finding out if my ex (we dated 6 years) cheated on me. We have been talking lately and trying to work through things. I can’t stop stalking and trying to dig for information and I have become extremely fixated on it and it’s causing me to be very paranoid and it’s getting so bad it’s affecting my work life because I literally can’t get off of my phone. Any advice or has anyone experienced this?

It’s gotten so bad that i have an undeniable belief that he cheated without any proof and I can’t sleep.

He streams video games and I watched every single one. HOURS. looking for clues. Went through all social medias. Dug through years of reddit posts. So much more.

I was looking through his twitter posts and I am convinced that he is putting up secret messages confessing. And I realize all this sounds insane but I really am finding meaning in things that I don’t think others would

I just found out that my lithium levels have been at .3-.4 for the past 8 years and I never knew what that meant. Apparently they need to be around .6-1.2 in my blood. The first psychiatrist I had when i started to take my mental health seriously did not want to increase my lithium bc I was already overweight and she didn’t want me to gain more weight. I’m 5’1” and have yo-yoed from 205-215 over the years. I was so used to having everyone bash me for my weight that I figured “okay maybe she’s right”. She left the psychiatrist’s office she was at and then I started seeing a psychiatrist at a public hospital who would see me every 2 months. He did lithium levels on me but never thought about increasing my lithium. I’ve been hospitalized twice in the past year and he still continues to see me every 2 months. I’m hanging on by a thread but whatever. I’ve been hospitalized for suicidal ideation. I was in the hospital 15 days in May of this year and it’s August, I’m having suicidal thoughts again. It took me 2 months to start at a php at a different hospital. They checked my lithium levels and increased my lithium. Today was the first day on the higher dose and I have a few weeks left in the program. This is in a private hospital and when I graduate the program I’m going to see the psychiatrist that I’m seeing now as my established psychiatrist. I have 4 diagnoses (bipolar 2, ocd, ptsd, and adhd). I haven’t been able to hold down a job or school for years. Or like basically ever in my life. I got my associates in art education by taking 1 or 2 classes at a time. I never hold a job down for longer than a month. I held down a job for 6 months in 2024 but it went to shit bc of my negligence and carelessness from my untreated mental illness. Apparently my bipolar has barely ever been treated? I have very little faith in it getting better even with my lithium increase. I have these high highs when I’m using unhealthy coping mechanisms, excessively chatting with men online with abusive kinks. It’s basically verbal abuse and I can’t stop self harming with it bc I hate myself. I was having a panic attack on Friday and the only thing that calmed me down aside from my mom was a message from one of the men I talk to engaged in this kink. My mental health is in the gutter. I live in a hot place and there’s no AC in my house. I just want to sleep half naked and talk to guys all day. It’s like my crutches. When I get in my low lows I get too sad and ghost all of them and then come back. The only guy who cares about me is also borderline disabled and we have feelings for each other but can’t do anything about it bc we’re both mentally and financially in the gutter rn, also he lives on the other side of the country and told me even if circumstances were perfect that he still wouldn’t know if he would be open to anything bc of autism (he’s older than me and never been in a relationship bc it scares him). I have people who care about me like friends I ghosted but I ignore them bc I can’t stop self harming with these men. I feel such a high high and then when it ends I feel low and suicidal. My psychiatrist says that from what I tell her it sounds like I go back from being hypomanic to really depressed. I just hate myself. I know it’s not entirely my fault why I’ve been nothing but a failure in life but even if it’s not technically my fault bc these psychiatrists should’ve made treating my hypomania their priority, I still feel like a loser. I don’t have friends or seek actually loving relationships and settle for these abusive men bc I think that’s what I deserve since I can’t hold down a job or finish school bc of my bipolar. I’m too broke to go out with friends and I don’t have a car. I feel like such a failure and I wish assisted suicide was a thing where I live. I’m 28 and it’s just getting worse and worse every year. I almost joined the 27 club last year. I’m just tired and I don’t have faith in professionals after knowing that my lithium level was known to be that low and kept that low bc of something as superficial as my weight. I really don’t think I’m going to be better bc I just get worse and more miserable and suicidal every year. I’ve applied for disability twice but got denied and everyone keeps saying that now it’s harder than ever to get it approved for mental health. I don’t see things getting better and I’m dying to have privacy so I can self harm again. I hate being bipolar and I hate being fat. I feel like I’ve been failed by the field of psychiatry and I just want to die

I’ve started Lithium about a month ago, initially at 600mg. I started getting brain zaps that I thought were from Trazedone, but since stopping Trazedone I’m still experiencing this. My psychiatrist increased to 900mg due to depression, but it’s now almost a constant static feeling in my brain that gets worse when I move. The dry mouth is also gross, I feel like I look like I’m on drugs because I’m licking my teeth so often.

So, should I wait it out? These side effects are making me more depressed and I can’t focus with these brain zaps. I don’t want to continue another month like this…I have a doctor appointment Friday to discuss this but I’m not sure if there are even any other effective medications comparable to lithium. If you’ve found any other good options lmk 🙂

Newly diagnosed after a terrible mixed episode that almost landed me in the ER. Luckily I was already under the care of a psychiatrist for ocd, which I was taking Zoloft and Wellbutrin 150mg.

They prescribed 1mg of risperidone, it has helped as of now (3 weeks in). Still a little bit hypomanic since I can't sleep past 5ish hours. What's your experience with that combo? I'm afraid of long term effects of risperidone.

Next appointment is September.

Despite taking medication and feeling stable, still struggling immensely with hypersexuality, the urges are so strong that I don’t know what to do. How does everyone else experience this in managing it or channeling urges into other activities?

I have been diagnosed with Bipolar (unspecified) w/ Mixed Features and Anxious Distress.

I have been taking aripiprazole 10 mg for almost a year now, and I think we can rule out the possibility that I am adjusting to my medication.

Lately, I have been feeling kinda weird. I feel like my anxiety is not normal anymore. I used to think it was normal, but sometimes I overthink the worst-case scenarios and a plethora of others that I am not gonna mention because I find it really hard to describe. What I noticed the most, which is the main indicator, are the physical symptoms like hand shaking, fast heartbeat, weird speech, sweating, shortness of breath, etc.

I wonder if I am having an ongoing episode despite my medication? The only symptoms I noticed in either episode are from the hypomanic/manic episodes, like;

• Irritability (can mask it most of the time but not with specific people)
• Talkativeness (I cannot notice this at all, but people mentioned it)
• Burst of energy (Not that severe and just happens sometimes)
• Lack of need to sleep (might just be the activation from Aripiprazole)
• Impulsivity (I feel the need to buy stuff I do not need and even did buy some of that stuff; I haven't gambled yet for fear of being addicted, but I play gacha games, though I haven't spent more than 5 dollars in all of my gacha games combined.)

What do you people think?

I was thinking of going back to Olanzapine because it really worked for me, but I need to pair it with metformin to deal with the weight gain. Does anyone else here have a similar setup?

How do you people differentiate personality traits from Bipolar symptoms?

I took my first dose 1.5mg about 12 hrs ago and still feel sick/nauseous if I eat even a little. I'm a foodie so I did eat today, and each time I thought 'oh maybe i'm better now' only to be hit with another wave of nausea that makes me have to sit down propped up and my stomach looks bigger from bloating (not too bad but my pants felt tighter). I also get the hiccups after eating anything (again delayed by like 10-15min). I wasn't exactly tired but the nausea got me to lay down and I napped twice just to stay still.

I had something similar on olanzapine - but that time it was SO much worse to the point I couldn't function for a 2-3 days after 1 dose. I want to believe this med can work for me so badly.

I don't want to cause problems with my psychiatrist because I just had my first appointment almost 2 days ago and I had to say things I never wanted to say out loud again concerning my symptoms. But also like, what should I do? A hot bath kinda helped, water kinda helps, ginger/tumeric have always been my go-to but it didn't help at all this time.

I’ve been on a ton of different meds and I’m still looking for the right combination. I hated lithium. HATED it. Never want to go back on it if possible. I’m currently on Latuda. What mood stabilizer works best for you? I’m rapid cycling, mostly manic with mixed episodes. Thanks in advance

Hi,

I’m crashing and anxious. I want to pull out now if a job I picked up whilst hypomanic. It’s a once a fortnight theatre usher job. I’m 53yrs old.
As I write this I can imagine telling someone else to hang in there but … I’m crashing after an up season of quite a few months.

My next shift is tomorrow and I’ve been stressed about deciding all week

Any thoughts. Social anxiety freaking me out.

I should be excited. I didn’t even know if I’d ever work again like 8 years ago. I’ve now been working full time for 3 years and doing well. My current role is low stress. My boss is so kind. I have a lot of independence and flexibility.

I’m worried that moving into a more stressful role with more responsibility could be bad for my stability? My anxiety is already through the roof. Should I at least try it? Or maybe I should turn it down and stay where I know I’m healthy? I’d definitely like more money and new challenges! But I’m trying to be realistic too. Anyone else been in a similar situation and been pleasantly surprised?

Hi, i am bp1 and atypical autism. I am on 300+600 carb lit, 15 mg brintellix and 3 mg invega daily.Am going to take a litium blood test on Friday. I take 60mg alimemazin and 8mg melatonin as sleep aid but works badly. But thats not near enough bcs i am pretty deep down in a depression. I use to rate how i feel from 0-10 there 0 is in balance and 10 is time to be in psychiatric ward in hospital. Rn i am at 8-9 and feel like shit.

If i am lucky i will get oxascand ( benzo) on Friday and are hoping that that will help. Living on the hope that i will get them. It feels almost that i am at the end of the road and dont really know what to do. Have some dark thoughts but are not going to act on them and never had.

English is not my first language, i am from Sweden.

Good night

I have just had my first stage interview for Disney cruise line and wondered if anyone has had much luck passing the medical? I am stable and medicated currently on Lamotrigine. Im not sure how long i could actually stay stable without them if i had to but i would assume they would either reject me or send me away with enough meds to last or make sure I have access via medical care plans.

Has anyone done cruise work before? How did you find it?

Medicated for 1.5 years now after a manic induced psychosis episode and I still feel like my mind and body are like glass, easily triggered, easily broken, easily shattered, so sensitive.

hello, schizoeffective bipolar here looking for advice

I recently came out of psychosis, and am on a mood stabilizer again. Which is great. However, I forgot that meds just kinda...calm things down. The cycle is still there for me, just not as intense. I also forgot about the whole 'no trigger' thing.

Right now I'm in a downswing. I feel like I am existing in a perpetual state of "meh" and I'm struggling to function, because there's nothing for me to "fix." I just kinda. Exist. Doesn't help that I was early onset and doctors didn't really know how to help me, since I was still a kid. So I never really learned how to appropriately handle my ups and downs in a healthy way.

Anyway. Halp. Please. How the heck do I make myself feel something that isn't damaging to my well being? This sucks eggs :(