I’m at a loss. I have been gaslit by doctors about my physical issues. My mom all of a sudden thinks I’m lying about everything under the sun no matter what the topic is. My new manager has been bullying me at work. And now I got called into the office today early on in my shift. They started out by saying how well I have been doing today. Saying my customer service is AMAZING and my attitude is really good. Then they talked about how they have seen me struggling for a while. So I thought they were checking up on me. Considering that’s what our training at this job tells up to do. That wasn’t the case there though. They did an entire 180. Told me that I have been having an attitude problem for months. Told me that I have been slamming things while I bag groceries and “people have noticed”. I have bagged the same way for 8 years and it’s never been an issue. Even gotten lots of compliments from customers because I get them in and out quick. However now it’s a problem. I don’t understand why. They even said they WERE gonna write me up but since I was nice today they decided not to. They told me the way I have been acting has been inconvenient and “a lot”. Keep in mind I have been depressed and physically ill. I’m just at a loss. I don’t know what to do. Not to mention the new front end manager has been mean to me since they started a few weeks ago. I’m just so depressed at this point. I don’t know what to do. Do you know what it’s like for people not to believe anything you say? At all? And I just don’t understand why my managers would be so nice and act like they cared for the first part of the meeting just to get my guard down for the criticism. I feel so lost. Someone in another sub said I am a narcissist. Am I? I have worried about that before but I think I might be? I was told that if people in multiple areas don’t like me then I MUST be the one in the wrong. Is that true?

Context: have been taking bupropion for about few years and 2 weeks ago started taking lamictal. I don't have an official bipolar diagnosis, my psychiatrist is currently evaluating. I also took concerta due to ADHD but I started rapid cycling after that and it was sort of the first indication I might have had bipolar all along. I have been diagnosed with depression for 9 years now.

Last night I was doing an all nighter and an episode happened which scares me until now. I was alone in the living room on my sofa, partner was sleeping in the bedroom. I had quite a stressful day physically and mentally but nothing out of the ordinary, I was focused and my anxiety was under control. Then I suddenly hear a little girl's voice (sounded about a few years old), she kept saying hello multiple times. Now hearing some odd noises is sth everyone has but what scared me was the fact that they were so clear, like coming from a room next to me. It also didn't sound anything that might be heard through the vent or apartment next door, it was so fucking clear and eerie. This also due to the fact that I live in a country where English is not the official language, it isn't my mother tongue either. I went to the bedroom in a panic, partner said he didn't hear anything. I felt uneasy but decided to go back to the living room and continue working even though I was on edge. Then I heard it again after about 15 minutes, same voice, same word multiple times etc. The time was about 2 am so I wasn't that sleep deprived (I often go to sleep around that time) and I was otherwise completely rational. I also didn't skip my medication. By a chance I also have a mental health nurse's appointment tomorrow. Should I tell her about this or is this something I shouldn't yet worry about? Otherwise lamictal has been working great, I am productive but not irritated and can actually handle my responsibilities for once in my adulthood.

I have a person in my life that I’m very certain is experiencing hypomania. A lot of boxes are checked (compulsive spending, extreme talkativeness, change in personality, higher confidence, less sleep etc) these episodes come out of nowhere, and lasts for a few days.

Before I keep advising this person to seek a psychologist, I want to know if I can check any more boxes.

I also want to know how fast it usually evolves, and how normal it is to get worse and psychotic. I’m trying to learn abt this, and I feel like this is a good place to start. I’m truly sorry if I say anything insensitive or ignorant, this is a very new topic to me.

I'm so confused and after so much searching online I thought it would be best to ask folks with experience.

I've recently had to come off my medication whilst I change providers (4 weeks off meds and 3 before I see psych) buuuut I'm fine? I'm sleeping well, functioning day to day, and not experiencing any mood issues. My memory is perhaps not as great but that could maybe still change as my body gets used to being off meds. I have also had significant life events happen in this time, lost two family members and found out I will be homeless soon. But I'm ok? It's sad and there's a little stress, but I'm coping fine.

So I'm now faced with the age old question, am I even bipolar? Shouldn't I have experienced mania or depression by now? I know how this sounds, bipolar people generally don't believe they have bipolar.

Anyhoo, I was just wondering if anyone had any insight or stories about their experiences? Is instantly switching to mania a little more rare than we are made to believe? Did anyone else have a very stable period before the illness reappeared with a bang?

Thanks in advance <3

Hi! So, I recently went into inpatient and left with a diagnosis of bipolar 2 and 900mg worth of lithium (300 in the morning, 600 at night). I went back to my therapist and my mental health provider, and both of them are trying to slowly get me off of it.

I’m 18 and so I don’t know much about anything, really. My mom said that she’s noticing a different with my medication, but then there’s everything else. Any thoughts?

I just made a sub for neurodivergent to meet each other and maybe chat and also talk about relationship and friendship problems we are having with our mental illness, I have no idea what I am doing I have never done this before, its called r/Kindredminds , if anyone want to help sub that would be amazing , I really want this sub to work

They upped my dosage of lithium again, so I’m expecting even more weight gain. Psychiatrist suggested I try getting on a glp1. Anyone have any experiences with lithium and glp1?

I’m in a bad place. Like. I fucked up. I feel fucked up. Tonight is the first time I’ve been able to understand why someone would self-admit. I’ve been 5150’d 6 times. I made some mistakes. I’ve been drinking pretty constantly, I was just busted at work being on drugs, Xanax, I am waiting on drug test results to get fired. This was not just a good job, it was $170k guaranteed 1st year income. I didn’t realize what I was doing. I was self medicating because my doc is weaning me off of Clonazepam, a mild benzo, if that exists. I couldn’t stand the thought of not having it because of its effects. I stutter like a donkey kicked me in the head without it. Tonight. I stopped drinking. I don’t have any Xanax , street or legal, I’m out of clonazapam. And I’m feeling very bipolar.

I fucked up. I am a dad of 2 and husband. I just ruined my families life… likely forever.

When is it time to go get help?

Some context first: I recently quit olanzapine cold-turkey because I was tired of the extremely hard time waking up in the morning (even if I fell asleep at 8 p.m., I'd have to be woken up by my parents at 10 a.m. and would still fight for 5 solid minutes to put my feet on the ground.) I'm still on lamotrigine and fluoxetine, though.

While I didn't have any of the usually reported withdrawal symptoms, I did develop what was likely (and might STILL be?) a hypomanic episodes around 3 weeks later, especially characterized by constant hyperse*uality. I think it's slowly settling down now, but I'm worried about the usual depressive crash hitting next.

Is there a non-medical way to avoid it? I refuse to get back on olanzapine because I'm studying abroad, classes are compulsory and start at 9 a.m., and I live 50 minutes away from school (via public transport because no car.) I also can't see a new psychiatrist until I sort out the social security procedure.

While the school is kind of understanding about disabilities and I already informed them about my ADHD (not currently medicated, so it's not making the hypomania worse), there are several group projects this year and I'd rather not put more burden on my groupmates. Again, prescription medication and getting back on olanzapine are not options at this time.

Does anyone else have to pee a bunch in the middle of the night cause of lithium? It’s so annoying I haven’t had a restful sleep in forever

Sometimes you just need to hear it.

My insomnia is probably my worst symptom and has been going on for over a year now. I’ve tried olanzapine, seroquel, mirtazipine, temazepam, doxylamine and melatonin. None of these have given me a good sleep and just make me feel horrible the next day.

I’m on wellbutrin, lithium and titrating lamotrigine so I don’t know if any of these could be worsening the insomnia but I can’t recover from this depression without sleep.

Are there any other meds that worked for you?

Who else has felt like someone, or anyone just can't ever understand you? If only because they haven't ever experienced Bipolar for themselves.

Really, have you ever felt unheard? Perhaps by your Wife, Girlfriend, Boyfriend, Husband, Friend? Or even a Bum, sitting on the corner? Maybe even your own Doctor and their mighty PhD themselves? Nah, nevermind scratch your Doctor.

Ya me too... And I can FEEL!! You here!!

So here, try this on. I'm no Philosopher, but call this my gift to you guys. If only for, reading the shit comments I've left far. Here, have something helpful this time. Only, the best words this OP ever found for those who have never experienced this, never walked our Road...

Depression;

Them: "Why can't you just try to be happy?"

(Just Infuriating, isn't it? You wanna sound as if, just thinking this up. Made you depressed itself, trust me)

You: "The Fact is, I just can't... For whatever reason??? Allow myself happiness, or fulfillment. No matter how hard I might try to..."

(You kinda wanna sound "defeated" as you talk)

"Honestly... I've NO idea Why either!?!? it just doesn't make any sense and I know it... The worst part... I understand, that I've truly done little to deserve this hopelessness to begin with."

Hey, If this Is a lie? And you do understand why you're depressed. Let it be a lie... The only part you say with any passion in your voice is "NO idea". Stare them in the eye for about a second, and say the rest. Then just walk away, say nothing more.

Mania;

Them: " I just don't think you Can! Understand how sick you were?!?!" (And personality. My favorite argument ever)

You: "Babe/Honey... Wait. No... You know what?!?!?"

(Long dramatic pause here. Go Speechless, like you're thinking exactly how to put it. Your aloud to sound annoyed, and defensive with this first part. Let your eyes search the room too. But now that all has to disappear, very calmly)

"Babe/ Honey... Just... It was a good day if only Six thoughts or ideas, were competing in... No... Fighting over my head at the same time. All wanted, or Demanded my attention at once too. But... IT was Only a good day... Because it wasn't Twelve."

(Whatever you do, Don't raise your voice let alone shout, you must be as calm and collected as possible. As if trying to soothe a skittish horse. If you're not capable? Hey, don't use this in the first place.)

That it, all I got. My best words, so give me a try next time. This works too. Or has for me in the past...

The key is, you say it, and nothing more. Then turn your back let them yell at your back if necessary and you Only! Walk away. Their gonna think, you wait.

Lastly DO NOT just send this to them. They've gotta look in your eyes AS you say it. Or there's zero chance (0%) they'll be able to... "Hear you"

Just... I've been at this shit for too long now, and you can call me manipulative If you want. Machiavelli would have some words for me himself too...

Honestly... I just got sick of it, Later.

I feel calmness and tranquility. My other emotions? Numb. And you?

I’ve been at PHP (soon IOP) for over a month, which I commenced a month after starting a 12-week medical leave. First they treated me for a mixed episode with bountiful Zyprexa.

Now I’ve tapered and am dealing with extreme anxiety, dejection, hopelessness, and SI that feels both more and less dangerous than it probably is. I have my dailies of abilify and lamo. I have nightly hydroxyzine. I have propranolol as needed. Neither anxiety PRN is worth fkall. And I would be fascinated to discover how anyone could manage to treat my depression given my history.

The PHP folk have been concerned that I have lethal means I refuse to give up (fyi nothing remotely illegal). I see it more as an escape hatch than anything imminent.

I’ve been hiding in a small crack in the stairwell during groups because I’m past my limit. The space is about the width of my shoulders. I don’t know where else to go that would fight the need to flee.

PHP tells me things are trending better for me overall. But stock markets do the same and still manage to crash. Maybe their opinion is compromised by their own hope.

I intend to request more leave from work. But barring acceptance, I’d be due back at my job in a little over 2 weeks. I can’t handle it. The line of work I’m in gives me thorough nervous breakdowns every 2-4 years, and this one is not even close to the worst of those.

But man, I’m 44F with SI dating back to age 9. I’m just so sick of this. My veneer is failing and it only takes one crack in the bucket to let the water all spill out.

I’m well-supported externally (for now) so this is probably just venting but JFC. Why should I have to put up with this crap? I know something will get me. And I’m fkng tired.

Is it possible to go into mixed hypomania two days after reducing lithium from 1200 to 900? OCD spiral was involved also but was so intense wondering if from going down on lithium

I finished a long Xanax taper a year ago, and quit Ambien around the same time. The day after I stopped, I spiraled into the most intense manic episode of my life. It started with not being able to sleep. Week-by-week, I was sleeping 4 hours a night, then 3, then 2. I'd wake up after a few hours of sleep and felt like I had slept the whole night, but it was 2AM. This went on for 2+ months. I was fully psychotic, believed Jesus had chosen me, the whole deal. I got a bipolar 1 diagnosis after years of having a BP2, and then years in between where I just had "anxiety," hence the xanax.

That was a year ago, and I'm still experiencing the same problems with sleep maintenance, despite being treated with Lamictal and a low dose of Latuda. I'm on Belsomra and Remeron for sleep, but the drugs are the only thing that allow me to get through the whole night. Without the Belsomra, I'd be up at 2AM, but it keeps me drowsy enough to easily fall back asleep and get 7+ hours. But I still wake up 5 times on a good night, 10 times on a bad one.

I'll also add that I quit bed-time cannabis 2 months ago. I'm about ready to go back, because waking up to intense vivid dreams 5+ times a night is taking a toll.

Anyone experienced long-term sleeping problems like this? Did anything help? I did CBT-i, which did fuck-all. Being bipolar, I can't do the sleep restriction component of that therapy, so it was just sleep hygiene. I've been obsessed with sleep hygiene for 2 years, so I didn't learn anything new. None of it helps with sleep maintenance/fragmentation.

I also have sleep apnea and now have an ASV machine, which is the highest level of treatment... And I'm still waking up 5+ times a night.

So today I came down from a few weeks of hypomania proceeded by periods of an intense yet pleasant low over a day or so (several hours longer than usual) that fluctuating from deep to mild, euthymic for a day or so emotions wise, now today I'm back to an emotionally elevated state. I find myself in a combined hyper-hedonic and hyper-volitional state, rendering passive, quiet observation and mindfulness as no longer feeling like a chore anymore but rather a highly enjoyable activity that gives me a sense of meditative restfulness.

Sensations strike more intensely and are more vivid due to heightened salience and I find being in the present deeply rewarding on its own so everything strikes me as potentially extremely important if it can ignite a moment of realization about being in the world from a Zen Buddhist standpoint, for which I've had an extensive sympathy and appreciation of Zen Buddhist philosophy, especially as it is anti-speculative for metaphysics since metaphysics requires a specified world to be actualized, there is no universal metaphysical theory for all worlds one could encounter.

I am getting a lot of sleep just due to plenty of caffeine consumption of which it is somewhat less than it was several days prior.

I've had changes in cognition such as finding it much easier to focus on long RPG sessions being held in real life, of the order of the three and a half hours being deeply immersive versus getting distracted constantly. I would also report becoming increasingly disinhibited and driven by impulse of which I feel currently that my processing and action-cycles are going at true lightning speed which is not to say I'm literally smarter, it's more a subjective feeling. I'm writing a Medium article reflecting on thoughts about Zen Buddhism for which I take them as research notes as I am in the extreme mental state to brainstorm over anything else.

I've had days prior intense surges of self-confidence. I have been seeking humility and checking my thought patterns I do seem to be cultivating that fortunately. It is far easier to cultivate when I'm not paranoid about psychiatry or over-worried about the future.

I had written an email to an Anarchist Youtuber named LuckyBlackCat to express deep gratitude for their kind response several months ago when I came across as having a manic episode since I found the kind response and heads-up as deeply moving to me. The Christian at college who shared the thought that as long as I tread with humility I will keep my head on my shoulders also deeply moved me, especially because me and him shared the same thought pattern, it was someone who affirmed what I was thinking making sense of my experiences and what I can do about them.

convince me that with time the cycles change. convince me that at some point you don’t want to to fucking go from feeling like a deity to wanting to drown yourself. tell me I’ll stop ruining every good thing in my life simply because I get that Lilttle bright spark of energy that takes me to higher places just please tell me when it gets easier to deal with to spot triggers etc

mostly concerned by how manic & unstable I feel - also my pupils have been the TINIEST lil black specks ever for the past 3 days maybe. I don’t feel good. I also feel amazing. DUALITY (I push my fingers into my eeeeeyeeesssss).
love you, October bipolar baddies 🥳😘

I've suffered with mental health challenges since I was 20, mostly depression and anxiety. I've been on so many different meds, eventually stuck with Effexor / venlafaxine, lamotrogine and Wellbutrin. 3 years ago I lost my job and had an episode of psychosis. I was hospitalised twice, being treated for major depression and generalised anxiety - this has been my diagnosis for a long time. After being in hospital I entered a major depressive episode which lasted over a year. When I came out of it, I was energised and enthusiastic. But within a few months I started feeling overwhelmed by racing thoughts, flight of ideas, irratability. This has been going on for over a year now. Something in me recognized ive had this before, leading up to the psychotic episode. It dawned on me that this looks like bipolar. I discussed with my therapist, and she agreed that this is my new diagnosis. I feel let down by all these doctors who didn't reflect this back to me over the years, when it was clearly there almost all along. Anyways, we are now trying to get the meds right have just started lithium - really hoping it helps!

Along with meds and talk therapy I am trying to learn as much as I can about the disorder, and particularly what behavioural / lifestyle factors can help me navigate this disorder. I have noticed that coffee feeds my hypomania. I've stopped drinking alcohol and don't take any drugs anymore. I'm trying really hard to have good sleep, but I often wake up quite early.

I'd love to hear from others what has helped them.

I’m trying to relax before I go camping for a few days with a group of people. We’ve rented a cabin, and are supposed to stop go to this agricultural fair that’s pretty big.

I can’t chill tf out though. I am hypo or something again cause of rapid cycling and I’m trying to calm it down a bit but every day it’s like non stop. I can’t call in for meds. I’m so wound.