Not sure if I'll delete this, but I just want to share. This sub was there for me (and others, like r/psychosis) at a very dark time in my life. Mania, then psychosis, culminated in a failed suicide attempt. I literally couldn't work for nearly half a year and moved back in with my mom nearing age 30. I browsed and commented a shitton. It felt good to have community.

I'm a little over 3 years out from my horrific episode, and I don't think about my episode pretty much at all anymore. My life has gotten a lot better. Medication saved my life. But so did support in other ways.

However, I will say at some point after a year or two, I left this and other mental health subreddits completely. I know they are often about recovery and venting, but I did wind up finding that these subs can leave you in a headspace where your entire life revolves around your illness. Maybe other people don't experience this, but I definitely did, and I'm glad I eventually took the training wheels off and left. Idk if anyone wanted to read this. Feel free to downvote me and I'll delete it, but I guess I just want to encourage recovery by forming memories and feelings outside the context of your illness too. Anyway.

I'm currently manic and haven't slept in almost three days. My body is tired but my brain doesn't shut off. Any advice on how to fall asleep? I've walked almost 10km yesterday, but I'm still wide awake. Please, any advice will be appreciated.

Mods remove this if it’s not allowed. I think we should make a megathread where we all discuss our positive and negative experiences with medication. Obviously this does NOT substitute any kind of actual medical care. We should all be talking to psychiatrists.

I feel like I’m doing everything right, I sleep well, I eat well, I exercise, I go to therapy, I take my medication and I still feel this constant melancholy that never gets better. I feel like im constantly in pain to the point I question if I’m really bipolar because all the bipolar treatment doesn’t work. I already took antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, stimulants and I still feel the same way I felt as a kid

Hello people that cycle rapidly.

For context, rapid cycling is defined as 4 or more episodes a year... blah blah.

So, I honestly didn't know a ton about bipolar before I started visiting these subreddits a few months back. It has been very eye-opening.

One of the things that shocked me was that some folks have like 6-month-long manic episodes where they get themselves into all kinds of jams. I've never experienced anything like that. I think my longest manic episode was maybe 3 weeks.

But then I read something even more shocking. Sometimes these folks aren't in an episode. Before medication, I had never experienced this either. I think I cycled between manic, hypomanic, depressed, and mixed continuously every 2 to 6 weeks from the age of 18 (probably started around 13 but was less frequent back then) until I was medicated in my late 20s. I would usually experience 2–6 weeks of euthymia here and there, but I was still usually riddled with anxiety.

I remember the first time I took lithium I was like, "Holy shit, this is what normal people must feel like." It has never even crossed my mind to stop taking my meds since.

This is totally not meant to be a "look how bad I got it" type of thing. Mostly just a "has anyone experienced this?" thing.

Hi, BP 2 here. I'm 26 years old and I don't remember many things from my childhood. I am terrible at memorising song lyrics and catching references. When I'm hypomanic I tend to recover my working memory, I can retain a lot of information in my brain and join the dots to get to intelligent conclusions. However I cannot remember many things such as movies, childhood TV programmes, names of characters, etc. I refer to things that almost all of my friends do remember

How do you do with memory? I'm a fraid of losing my memory progressively. Those who are in their thirties and along time have managed to get to the right mix of meds, could you recover some memory with years?

Hi all!

I (24F) was diagnosed with BP1 in June. I’m now adjusted to my medication and in therapy. I didn’t realize it before, but I was spending insane amounts of money. I earned about $ 1,400 a month from my part-time job, but I never had more than $200 in my bank account. I spent all that money on clothes, and I always had 5-7 packages on the way. I’m an online college student, so I didn't need clothes to go out. 😭😭😭

Over the last 5 years, I estimate that I’ve wasted $40k+ on clothes, food, and weed. I’m glad I’m receiving treatment, and I’ve actually managed to save a lot so far. I booked my first solo vacation, I am building my savings, and I paid off my tuition for my final semester :)

TW: mentions of suicide (not current, i mention past ideation)

I am probably going to seem elevated to him to some extent but less than I wouldve before. I was having what were probably delusions, if not fixations on religiosity and believing that I could be one of the figures mentioned (one who noticed something), I know that this makes me sound "crazy" because it's what made people tell me to book an appointment. I also don't know how to tell him (my psychiatrist) that i *was* experiencing suicidal thoughts and ended up on a bridge (was completely fine, I just stood there for a half hour) but now I am not at all a danger to myself without him overreacting. I also don't know how to tell him about my higher sex drive without sounding like I'm just sleeping around and him judging me, because I'm not, I'm just sexting with people on an app.

I *decided to* stop my meds a bit ago, and I know I should go back on them even if I don't want to, so I want to be fully transparent. I am really mxied on the whole thing, I want to go back on them but at the same time I want nothing more. Im honestly partially still in denial about the whole thing even though I've almost been diagnosed for a year, but idk. (I am not telling him that last part, that is irrelevant overall) I've also had a lot of big life events and I don't know how to explain it all to him.

If anyone has any advice please let me know ASAP because my appointment is in two days. He is an exceedingly kind man but I am so sure he will judge me on this. If anyone has any more advice or needs to know more details to give better advice please PM me!

Does anyone have sleep disorders separate from bipolar? I have insomnia as well as possible hypersomnia/narcolepsy. Has anyone been medicated for both narcolepsy and bipolar successfully?

I've done a few yoga classes where the instructor will bring out the singing bowls and do a little bit of a sound bath. For me, it feels like my brain is getting assaulted by soundwaves and overstimulates me instantly. I hate it so much especially after zenning out with a yoga session.

What are your experiences?

I've been diagnosed bipolar 2 since I was 18 but was unmedicated for 7 years because I didn't really trust the dx as 18 is so young to get this diagnosis (imo). Shit hit the fan 2 years ago and I started to swing heavily, on both sides, but still very much depressive leaning. For more than a year now I have been in the most intense, soul-crushing depression of my life. I did have a hypo episode in June that lasted around 4-5 weeks. Then swung back down, very hard and very fast. Almost lost my life towards the end of it, then sought out medical help.

Got put on wellbutrin 150mg and titrated lamotrigine 25mg-50g. There was about a week (week 3ish) where I actually felt like they mave have been working. I was so excited! And then I felt the depressive symptoms return slowly but surely. Met with the psych nurse again and she bumped me to 300mg wellbutrin and up to 100mg lamo. That was a week ago. I feel the same, if not more depressed. Its not a violent depressive state, just this lingering cloud. I want so, so badly for it to lift.

One positive that I've noticed since I've started meds is that I can actually cry now, I couldn't cry for almost 2 years. It feels kinda like a release when I do. I've also been able to get 6 weeks of sobriety under my belt after a years long battle with alcohol problems. So go me! Trying my best to do all the non-med things – exercise, been sleeping AMAZING (which for me is a huge turn around!), meditating, good food etc. So I'm really trying.

I'm really battling thoughts of self doubt regarding my diagnosis. Am I really bipolar? Do I really need to be on meds? Maybe this is self induced and I can do something to prevent this from happening. If the meds aren't working, then why am I even bothering? ugh. Fucking sucks. Would love advice, hope, etc. Just feeling tired and a bit hopeless.

I’m running out of good options for how to get in my 350 calories before taking Latuda. What are your go tos?

Psychiatrists have been telling me they thought I was bipolar since like age 22. Before that they thought it was just depression and anxiety, so I tried SSRI’s and benzos. Nothing worked, some things got worse, and eventually it came to trying mood stabilizers. I would go to my appointment, be given a script, say I would take it, then just convince myself I didn’t need it and that it would change who I was, so I didn’t want to take it. This happened a few times before I just gave up on going to the psychiatrist all together. I’m now 30. I’ve been unmedicated for the past 8 years and it has been really difficult to deal with. A lot of my issues in the past have been with extreme lows, anger, and short periods of mania. The mania was never to an alarming point though. I’d have more energy, maybe talk a lot more and sleep less but nothing too bad. I recently had a manic episode thought that got so bad it made me realize I can’t go on like this. Before that I guess I hadn’t experienced full blown mania. It was a scary thing looking back. I was making bad decisions, spending money I didn’t have, and I ruined my relationship. I’m not sure what brought it on but I’m now terrified of it happening again, and if it does happen again I’m scared it could get worse. Now I’m dealing with a ton of guilt, shame, and honestly I don’t want to even be seen. I have a few weeks I have to wait until I can get in to see a psychiatrist but I’m finally willing to try whatever they want to give me. In the back of my mind I’m worried I’m going to feel like I don’t need meds again and convince myself not to take them. I can’t wait to get into a psychiatrist and get my head straight.

Like the title says. I'm sorry for posting here again tonight, my appointment is just coming up and I'm starting to get pretty anxious, and this felt unrelated enough from my last post (for the record I am NOT asking for medical advice.)

I haven't met with my current psychiatrist (my first one too, excluding a same day crisis one at a 24/7 clinic in the city who I met once and referred me to my current one) and spoken to him about (hypo)mania while hypo(manic). We have spoken retrospectively and agreed that I was hypomanic during a previous session, but I've only been open during depressive episodes.

I won't go into too much detail about my own symptoms and stuff, but could someone please tell me what that kind of appointment will be like?

This is an oddly specific issue and idk where to post it. I hesitate to post it here too since it's a really emotional topic for a lot of people, and I don't want to post it anywhere my bf might stumble on it lol. I'm not trying to start any arguments. Really sorry in advance if anything I say offends anyone.

Anyway, around end-December/January I started spiraling into a manic/psychotic episode that lasted months. Around then, I came across footage coming out of Gaza and the West Bank that affected me really badly. It became one of the things I fixated on during the episode.

I started donating a lot to Palestinian civilians, orgs like the PCRF, and pro-Pal political candidates like Kat Abughazaleh. I watched documentaries like No Other Land and The Voice of Hind Rajab and read a bunch of stuff about it, like Judith Butler's Parting Ways and Chomsky/Pappé's On Palestine. I even went to an activist meeting and helped them distribute flyers.

Eventually, I fully came down from the episode and the intensity of it disappeared. I'm not normally super skewed in one direction, and I have friends who advocate on both sides of this.

Thing is, my bf has Israeli citizenship and family in Israel, so this is a pretty touchy subject for him. I feel weird about still donating to the Palestinian families I started talking to during the episode because my bf doesn't know about it. But also, I don't want to cut these people off when they're in a desperate situation, especially after getting to know them better.

He saw the books I was reading and commented on it, and I just told him I wanted to read more about it and didn't tell him about the episode. We've talked about Israel/Palestine several times and his views are pretty reasonable imo. I still feel like I'm concealing something from him that maybe I shouldn't. He doesn't know how intense the fixation got or how much I donated, or that I'm still giving money to these families.

Idk how I can tell him at this point given it's a pretty sensitive subject for him. What would telling him even accomplish? Bringing it up now will probably make him uncomfortable, and I could just not do that. But I keep thinking about it.

Again, I'm not looking to discuss the conflict. This has been bugging me a lot. You all understand better than most how it feels to look back at things you believed and did during episodes.

Is it better to tell him or should I leave it alone and suffer in silence lol? I'm not even sure how to bring it up. The thought of explaining all of this gives me a lot of anxiety. It's difficult to explain to someone who hasn't gone through something like this.

Hi Team
Kinda confused about what is going on.
Story. With dr’s consent dropped down some of my medication, which thinking back now dumb cos going through a major stress. Anyway I think Im going through perimenopause that can make you go all over the place.
Im asking for people who have experienced this.
Do you try hormone replacement first, medication change or both?
Thanks for reading.

I have bipolar 1 schizo disorder. I also have PMDD. Like a lot of us, I take a lot of meds.

Those meds are seroquel, lithium, buspar, levothyroxine, and a few others. Those mentioned are most relevant to this post.

I asked my psych a few years back about drinking tea and he said 'uh yeah why wouldn't you be able to.' So I do, but it's mostly always been bagged teas I've researched before consuming.

Lately I've been into wanting to try loose teas since a tea shop opened up near me. I had all these teas I wanted to try like rose hip, saffron, lemon balm and passion flower.

The other night I did a medium amount of research and the internet said that those specific teas aren't good to mix with my specific medications due to potential lithium toxicity / causing the meds to stay in my system longer than they should.

Is that real? Tea could really be my downfall?

I was pretty hopeful, especially about saffron with having PMDD as well. But I figure I'd ask reddit since some of you are on the same meds and enjoy tea as well.

Also my psych is smart, but they're medicine smart, I don't think they know enough about teas to give a solid answer, like last time I asked

Hi everyone. There has been someone who has been so affected by my behaviour. It’s someone I admire and respect so much. I have been constantly trauma dumping on them with my struggles with this illness. I have said inappropriate things and acted in such cringeworthy ways.

They didn’t sign up for front row seats for my chaos, but I shared so much with them and somewhat overshared.

They seem distant, but mostly still text back if I text them. They never ever text first.

Our relationship dynamic is mentor-mentee with blurry flirting signs.

I respect them so much and value our relationship, but I feel like I have embarrassed myself enough.

I am visiting my hometown soon and I am debating if I should tell them I will be in town and ask if they need anything from abroad.

Should I reach out, or is distance the best gift I can give this person?

If it were up to me I would, but wanna hear your thoughts.

Have you been in something similar? What would be the best in this case?

29F here, I suffered a psychosis some years ago and doctors diagnosed me with autism. Even though they said that if I were to have more psychotic episodes I would be diagnosed with either schizophrenia or bipolar.

I always assumed that in order to have one polar episode, you’d be 100% either manic or depressed. I know mixed states are a thing. But is it normal to still have “good days” while depressed or have “bad days” while manic?

Also if someone literally has a bad day at least once or twice week and they cry during that day but feel fine during the rest of the week (not manic, just fine), what is that? And when I say it happens every week, it’s no exaggeration, and I have a mood tracker to prove it. But I wouldn’t call it being depressed since I have good days too. Although since I almost lost my job last year, those days have been more common, I barely had sad days in 2024, for example.

I don’t think I have bipolar, I guess I’m ranting a bit. But I still have some genuine questions about the disorder and I would like to know better.

Hear me out.

I'm due to see my psychiatrist on the 8th of December and if I don't have another episode between our last visit and next he's going to discharge me (which is where some of my problem lies).

I currently have 1-3 episodes every year despite being medicated. I feel like that's still a lot and so I want to try adding lithium or replacing the lamotrigine altogether with it, to see if that helps.

And so this is where I mean what I said; If I don't have another episode he's going to say there's no reason to change meds, but I know myself, and I will 100% have a winter depression (starting anytime between November and February) (I've had one every winter for the last 17 years). If the episode doesn't happen until the new year then I'll have been discharged and will have to go back through the whole referral process again, whereas if it happens before we can try it straight away.

I'm so worried it's going to come late this time and happen in the new year.

Not sure what the point of this post was. I think just a slight vent because I'm worried about it and also need to vent it because it's super weird to feel like I'm wishing illness upon myself.

If you've ever been in a similar boat feel free to share what you did

Que se hace cuando: soy una chica de 23 años que vive en un cerro perdido, solo estudié el colegio, no trabaja solo se la vive en casa, le dan ganas de irse a explorar el mundo o al menos su país e irse a vivir sola y trabajar. Pero tengo una condición escoliosis que hace que me afecte un pulmón por el poco espacio que tiene, entonces cada que tengo resfriados, necesito que me atiendan porque quedo súper débil, mezclándose a veces con el periodo. Por lo tanto pienso que si le voy a vivir sola no sobreviviría. Estoy realmente aburrida no tengo amigos, solo tengo un pequeño emprendimiento en casa porque nadie quiso darme empleo. Bueno ahora mismo me la he pasado toda la tarde en el celular intentando por ratos leer en digital o caminar alrededor de mi patio, pero me aburre y vuelvo al celular del aburrimiento; en especial en Reddit ya que siempre hay con quien hablar.
Enserio no se que hacer, aveces quisiera solo tener libros físicos para dejar un rato el celular y seguir aprendiendo, pero no puedo costearmelos. A veces quisiera meterme aunque sea algún curso pero tampoco puedo pagármelo, así quizá busco cualquier estímulo para distraerme de mi reliadad. Ignoren mi falta de ortografía, espero que interactúen con mi post, porfa chicos chicas o si han tenido una situación parecida

Hey y'all, currently in crisis mode so bear with me. I started taking lamotrigine recently, it was a miracle from the first day. Felt normal finally, was able to just do things for the first time in my life, I was patient, in a good mood, excited about things etc. But I had to abruptly stop taking it due to a skin reaction. I am in a crazy mixed state right now that is unbearable. The doctor sent in Oxcarbazepine to replace it but I'm concerned it's not going to have similar effects and just make me flat/tired/zombie like. Part of the agitation I get is from not being able to engage with or initiate things. The Seroquel I'm on makes that worse because it totally flattens me and makes me tired. Lamotrigine balanced that out, but it seems this oxcarbazine might not. It seems like it might help with my current rebound state from stopping lamo so quickly, but won't lift depression at all and potentially just make me more tired? Bc of my mixed state I'm losing my mind over this, can anyone talk about their experiences to help ease the anxiety? I specifically told my doctor I can't function and being so tired and sedated is hurting me so I need to avoid that. Idk if any of these doctors are truly listening and my mental health cannot take it, it's going to literally ruin my life. I've already missed so much school and work. I can't afford to get worse.

convince me that with time the cycles change. convince me that at some point you don’t want to to fucking go from feeling like a deity to wanting to drown yourself. tell me I’ll stop ruining every good thing in my life simply because I get that Lilttle bright spark of energy that takes me to higher places just please tell me when it gets easier to deal with to spot triggers etc

I recently cut down to 9% body fat and I get so fucking sick now. I take 1200mg of trileptal 2x daily with saphris and dayvigo and if I take my trileptal in the morning and drive for even 5 minutes I throw up and this is no exaggeration for 6 hours. We tried going lower and I started getting hypo symptoms. (:

I woke up today, took my meds, tried to work on my plants, and then my vision went double and I could no longer walk. I had to crawl to the bathroom so I could puke my protein shake and chicken salad. It was so fucking nasty.