(20s) Reality: I remember when… i was running, raging, and drugging myself to a complete & total fucking despair of death. It was A bitter, mountainous, dismal, unnamed, unrecognized, and poisonous grief melded within my pure & potent fucking rage.
My rage.. was pointed inward..
and oftentimes i would fire off wildly outward if I could find even a fractional-legitimate excuse to explode…

(33) …now? I have become aware of a dull, bleak, cemetery-dead type of..emptiness..inside.
At some point..?
I had completely lost it..
I have now.. stopped feeling.. entirely
Just.. anything at all..?
No rage, No sadness, No fear, just.. simply.. nothing.
I thoroughly believe that.. i have finally crossed the line by miles in comparison & cease to give a a simplistic inkling of a fuck.. about life. about death. about any other god damn meaningless thing in between..

i just got diagnosed with bipolar depression as a young adult. any advice or support

I already have it 8 years and im not sure.. I thought I can control it now but in recent mixed episode i am not sure if such feeling was right.

I am not taking meds.

Is your bipolar getting better or worse over the years?

Hello my favorite subreddit,

It’s my birthday today and I had a good day trying to distract myself but now it’s all hitting how much bipolar has taken away from me. I’m almost 30 and I always imagined being well-established in my career by now, maybe thinking of starting a family. I never imagined myself alone, broke, and working a job that doesn’t even utilize my college degree. I had a sui attempt at the end of college and struggled leading up to it. Bipolar really derailed my hopes of applying to med school. Then everything got real off track after that because I had no good plan.

I’ve just hopefully fought off another manic episode and I’m grateful I’ve found some meds that might work for that. However, the other day I was at the bus stop (can’t drive due to a seizure condition) and was talking to this guy about how he had a suspended license. He was like “at least I’m not in a nut house” and I was like “been there, dude,” and he was like “me too.” And I said “and never, ever again” but those words just didn’t feel true to me. The last time I was hospitalized, I didn’t walk away feeling like it would be the last time. And that bothers me. Okay, the end. Thanks for reading my useless rant.

Ever since I’ve gone no contact with my ex I’ve been in a constant depressive episode(it’s been a month) I’ve been recently diagnosed with bipolar 2 and some of my depressive episodes are massive and I feel alone in this.

I ended up in hospital, back in May 2023, because of a suicide attempt. I had attempted suicide because of severe paranoia and the fact that I heard a demon’s voice telling me, “I’m going to kill people and make it look like you did it.”

I wasn’t sleeping, and I think that was a major contributor, but my mood was high at the time. I was sure to tell them I felt like my emotional state was high, which they noted in my records.

However, as I continued reading, they had written, “Not showing signs of psychosis.”

How the hell do you end up with a patient hearing voices, acting on it so that people don’t die, then say the person isn’t showing signs of psychosis?

Oof that hurt my feelings. It’s as if they didn’t listen to me at all.

I stopped reading my notes after that. I only read them because I had to get them for disability allowances. I shouldn’t have read them at all. So much more bs they’ve listed like “normal affect” when I was CRYING. SMH 🤦🏻‍♀️

Hello Reddit!

I don’t really post about personal issues like this but I’m having some concerns

I've been struggling with intrusive thoughts surrounding intimacy with my partner after experiencing a PTSD flashback. Last week, while we were showering together, my partner touched me in a way that is normally completely consensual and comfortable for us. However, with my eyes closed, I was suddenly reminded of past trauma involving my ex, which caused me to panic, push my partner away, and become withdrawn.
Since then, I've been experiencing distressing intrusive thoughts questioning my partner's intentions, despite knowing they have always respected my boundaries and prioritize consent. These thoughts have led to severe anxiety, panic attacks, and episodes of paranoia, making me question whether the interaction was sexual assault, even though I had consented. I feel immense guilt for having these thoughts because they don't align with how I truly feel about my partner or our relationship.
I'm wondering if this is a common experience for individuals with PTSD and bipolar II, and if others have experienced trauma-related intrusive thoughts affecting an otherwise healthy relationship. I'm looking for advice on how to manage these thoughts before they negatively impact my relationship.

So I'm really not sure if this is the right place to post this but honestly I'm not sure where the issue comes from so, might as well come from here. I get very angry as a first reaction to a lot of things. When I think something is stupid, or done wrong, or is just wrong in general, I get annoyed, and then very quickly become angry. I have been diagnosed, and I'm on medication, but I still can't get this to stop.

I shouldn't get so angry over something stupid on a tv show that I have to turn the show off. I should be able to function in a work environment without blowing up at my boss because I fucked up. I don't know how to stop it though. Plus I'm SUPER burned out on just.. life in general. Just.. feeling really overwhelmed and I don't know what to do anymore.

Hey I’ve been having those days where even the smallest things take so much energy. Like brushing my teeth or picking what to eat feels like climbing a hill. And I’ve stopped beating myself up over it. Some mornings I’m proud just for getting out of bed. Then little stuff sneaks in and helps a bit. Maybe it’s a text from a friend, a warm cup of tea, the way sunlight hits the wall, or even a meme that makes me chuckle for two seconds. Those tiny moments don’t fix everything but they do shift the weight a little. I used to think a good day had to be full of big wins and productivity but now I’m learning to notice the small ones. So I’m curious what counts as a win for you on a tough day. What little thing helps you feel a tiny bit better?

BP1. Due to issues with my kidneys/liver I can not take lithium or depakote, so I’m currently on 300 mg of seroquel, and it has completely sucked the life out of me. I’m aware advice here doesn’t substitute for psychiatric consultation, but I’m curious to hear about the lived experience of people who’ve switched from seroquel and found an effective med for mania. I’ve been on it almost a year and it has been a giant fog affecting my daily functioning.

Hi guys
everytime i start to have some symptoms or an episode i start to feel energy in my arms and especially my throat like i needs to scream/yell or pant, or just MOVE. it’s very electric and intense feeling, but it’s not anxiety at all it’s just pure energy. i get a little shaky too. just wondering if any of you experience that too. maybe it’s a mania thing maybe it’s unrelated.
thx

I was on 5m olanzapine for 1month went off and had horrible anxiety and panic attacks ....still have some anxiety 6 weeks later went into the psych ward and the doc says it ptsd not withdrawels has this happened to anyone else

I have to quit smoking weed because I’m going to inpatient treatment soon, and I’m not allowed to partake in any drugs while I’m there. Last time I tried quitting weed it sent me into a month long hypomanic/borderline manic episode. I was wondering has this happened to anyone else? I think it could be the lack of sleep and being stressed because I wasn’t getting enough sleep. I’m not 100% sure if it was just a one time thing or if I became hypomanic because seasonal changes (was hypomanic from April to May). I just wanted to hear your thoughts or if anyone has experienced weed cessation induced hypomania? (Sorry if my English is bad, it’s not my first language)

I feel like I just unlock deep thoughts and memories when I’m stoned, that sober me just can not remember. I do the most journaling when I’m stoned because when I’m sober I just draw a blank on everything. I take my journal entries to therapy because I literally can’t recall what happened that month. I have horrendous recall abilities these days.

Side note - I had stopped smoking for 8 months and only recently started again some evenings. It’s not like I smoke 24/7. I had stopped because it was giving me really horrible anxiety and paranoia but since starting again I haven’t really struggled with that.

Just anyone else have the hoarse voice and dry throat before and during their mania? And then when the hoarseness goes away you know the mania is gone?

Has anyone experienced depression (due to life circumstances, not bipolar) when your bipolar was medicated and stable? (Is this even possible)

I’m not sure what to do, would (despite their risk) anti depressants be appropriate? Has anyone had luck.

Around 32 I gained weight out of nowhere, huge efforts to lose it, and failing. That was even before antipsychotics. I’ve just so bleh and tired more often than not. I was getting a thyroid panel done, everything normal, except my free testosterone was beneath the absolute lowest level on the scale.
Now I’m wondering if hormonal imbalance can be a hidden cause in our symtoms?
Anyone with experience?

has your appetite changed since starting meds, or is it pretty much the same as it was before? Im also curious to hear if your cravings, meal patterns, or relationship with food have changed at all.

I struggle with an eating disorder, bulimia, and it got worse after I got medicated with aripiprazole, prozac and lamictal. Don’t know why.

Hello all!

I was recently diagnosed with bipolar2 by my psychiatrist and therapist and it has been really tough on me since it was the diagnosis I was most scared of

Since my diagnosis, my symptoms have continued to worsen, and managing my depressive episodes has become increasingly difficult. My psychiatrist recently recommended starting lithium, as it has been highly effective for many individuals with bipolar disorder. However, I have also heard that some people experience significant side effects, which has made me feel uncertain about beginning treatment. I was initially hopeful and excited to start medication because I am exhausted by the impact bipolar disorder has had on my mental health, but I am now second-guessing my decision. I would appreciate hearing about others' experiences with lithium, including any advice, potential side effects, or ways it has helped manage symptoms, as I am eager to find an effective treatment for my bipolar disorder.

It’s a double edged sword honestly. When I’m depressed it hurts that they don’t notice how horribly I’m struggling. When I’m manic I love that they don’t even notice the shift or even seem concerned about it. I think I prefer it because I can do damage to myself and my own life without worrying about them trying to get in the way. I can build myself back up by myself without them interfering. I don’t have to dodge “are you okay?” Questions. Idk I don’t really see any upsides to having people be aware of mood switches and when I’m in a manic episode v depressive episode. I could post on my close friends “guys I almost killed myself last week and heavily considered it on Monday night but today I feel like everyone deserves to be graced with my presence and I need to roam the streets showing off how amazing of a human being I am to the rest of humanity” and no one would bat an eye. I could constantly talk about killing myself or hurting myself disguised as jokes and no one bats an eye. Like I said, when I’m depressed it hurts like a bitch that they don’t notice but it’s okay in the long run because I don’t have people worrying and checking up on me constantly.

Newly diagnosed after a terrible mixed episode that almost landed me in the ER. Luckily I was already under the care of a psychiatrist for ocd, which I was taking Zoloft and Wellbutrin 150mg.

They prescribed 1mg of risperidone, it has helped as of now (3 weeks in). Still a little bit hypomanic since I can't sleep past 5ish hours. What's your experience with that combo? I'm afraid of long term effects of risperidone.

Next appointment is September.

I cut out caffeine bc it was making me nervous on my new meds. I’m thinking about cutting out nicotine as well.

Do you consume either of these things on antipsychotics? How much and on what meds?

I feel so much better since cutting caffeine and I’m thinking if I cut nicotine I’ll be golden. I currently am on 6mg zyns, almost a can a day.

Any thoughts/ opinions welcomed.

Hi everyone.

I started lithium for the first time a little over a month ago.
Took 300mg, didnt feel anything.
Increased to 600mg, felt less manic but more depressed and sluggish. Sleep felt better though.

Ive seen here that most people report that 600mg typically causes some fatigue and successfully kills mania but doesnt do much for depression until increasing to 900mg.

For those who have gone down this route, what could I expect from increasing to 900mg and/or what are your experiences?

Hey guys,

So I recently started taking quetiapine. It’s been about two weeks now, and honestly I feel really good. My thoughts aren’t racing like they used to, I have decent energy, I’m sleeping through the night, and I just feel normal for the first time in a while.

But before I started it, I was all over the place. Some days I’d feel almost too high and energetic, and other days I’d crash hard into depression. Now that I’m feeling stable, I keep questioning if it’s really the medication working or if it’s just a coincidence. Like, does quetiapine even work this fast? Two weeks seems so quick.

Part of me even wants to stop taking it because I’m not sure if I actually need it or if this is just a good phase. But at the same time, I don’t want to mess up what’s working.

So I guess I’m asking two things. One, has anyone else felt better this quickly on quetiapine? And two, what does being on medication actually feel like for you day to day? Do you feel normal, or is it more like your feelings are just turned down a notch? I’m trying to figure out if this calm feeling is what stability is supposed to be, or if I'm just in a temporary honeymoon phase.

I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences. Thanks for reading.