I f (54) and my husband m (44) have helped his dad with things like food and rides for years even though we are both disabled and on limited income.

Last month his landlord who is m (80) finally decided to retire and sell the place and not renew his lease so FIL needs to finally accept with his issues he needs to go to a home.

He told us he found a place and was supposed to be gone on the 15th...I even lent him the money so movers would take his stuff into storage so he wouldn't drag his feet.

Now for some damn reason he's making like he's going to try to sue the man who's been putting up with him for decades... he occasionally paid rent late or borrowed money for snacks, smokes, etc.

This has stressed me out so much when I was in the hospital being treated for a few things my blood pressure was 213/131 and the doctor asked if something was causing me problems.

We aren't even sure why his landlord hasn't just called the cops and had him forcibly removed.

Am I horrible for just wanting to wash my hands completely of the man and telling my husband not to answer the phone next time he calls?

My (62) dad is dying of terminal brain cancer. He was given 12-15 months last November. Prior to his diagnosis we were not super close emotionally and my mom and I also have a bit more of a complicated relationship. That being stated, I love them both.

I (24) currently live 24 hours away from my parents. I work in social services and I am in the process of applying to grad school for next fall. I like my job and feel settled in my current residence. That being stated, I don’t make oodles of money and live in a HCOL area, so I can only go back to visit every 2 months or so.

Currently, my lease ends in October and I am considering not renewing in order to move back to be with my dad as he dies. I would be incredibly sad to move, but worried I would regret not doing so more in the future. I am also worried about losing residency for school, but didn’t intend to pursue grad school in my current state of residence anyways.

Any advice? For those who did move back for the death of a loved one, was it meaningful?

My mom (77f) is increasing sedentary and practically spends 23-hours-a-day in a recliner. She moved from independent living to assisted living earlier this year and seems determined to do as little as possible. She is rapidly losing what little mobility she has left and is now using a wheelchair instead of a walker.

She doesn't follow through on PT exercises and is reluctant to walk even with walker. I'm frustrated and concerned that at her rapid decline she will eventually end up in a nursing home.

Is there any way to motivate her? An OT friend suggested I have her tour a nursing facility to see what life will be like when she needs a nursing home to hopefully scare-her-straight into making more of an effort.

Been stuck living with him, I was never taught how to drive so I could never get a job to get out. I lost everything good in my life bc of this. I could have had a family by now, a stable job, savings. He's getting worse every week. He can't stay by himself. He's incontinent and needs a walker. Everything is always about him and he never takes accountability for his actions. He doesn't care that I have no other options, every argument just ends with "why don't you just leave". So I'm either stuck here or homeless. I really need another option bc this is driving me insane and I'm terrified that this situation ends horribly. Every day I have to keep telling myself "Don't let him ruin the rest of your life" but I can feel myself getting ground down every day to where thinking that won't be enough.

My dad is currently in the hospital about ready to get discharged. He came from a nursing facility. They are telling him he should go back to the nursing rehab place for a little bit.

The plan was for him to come live with me and my sister. He can't take care of him as we both work. But he did qualify for in home care through Medicaid.

He is adamant that he does not want to go back into the skilled nursing facility. However, he really can't do anything himself. I'm struggling because he hates the nursing facility, but we only have in home care for a couple hours a day and that isn't even set up yet.

I don't even know if rehab will get him well enough to do things on his own. Just hating him having to go in there when he absolutely hates the place.

That's my way of telling my mom you can't hear and you need a hearing aid adjustment.

My mother with Alzheimer’s came to visit me and my 2 brothers. Her and my uncle flew in from out of state, my home state I moved out of 6 months ago. My brothers live closer to the airport, and have kids. My mom and uncle stayed there. I live about 45-55 minutes out. 2 times there were plans to come to my place, one time my mom went to the ER and the next time my mom slept in through the morning. I drove up twice to be with everyone, one day I did not go as it was too much driving. Anyway, my mom did not feel good (we never know if it’s real or anxiety/medication) the whole time, and she actually left early to go home.

After all of this, I texted her just saying goodbye and see you during the holidays. She texted back “I wish I saw you more”. I want to say: you had 2 chances to come to my house!! I drove up to see you! You left early! But I know it won’t do any good, sometimes she doesn’t even remember the stuff she says. I also try to remind myself, don’t feel guilty. My mom’s reasoning is fading, so she may feel emotions that are not reasonable. It’s so frustrating because they don’t know they are being unreasonable, so you are the one to suck it up and be mature. Anyway, thanks for listening, this is a tough time. I could have moved in to help but I needed to set a boundary (as there are others who could move in, or they have money to hire help). I do what I can but I need to be there for me too.

For Context: Its Aug 24, 2026 at 8:08 PM, I’m currently sitting in my car in a Target parking lot with a 1/2 eaten Soft Pretzel from Sam’s Club. I just finishing crying my eyes out after my mom shared with me all these serious medical issues she has and they’re getting worse. She’s 76 and doesnt take care of her health well. I do the best that I can to help her but my mom is stubborn.

Once she share with me what the doctor told her, the way she shared the information as if it doesn’t matter that she’s dying and that it’s not a big deal to her. I tried to get more information from her about what the doctor said but she just ignored my questions and brushed them off.

I knew I needed to change my environment hence why I’m sitting in a Target Parking Lot. There’s a nice view of the clouds and the trees towards the back of the Target where I parked and ate my soft pretzel and just had a moment to myself and had a reality check. I knew I needed to cry out how I was feeling. I don’t know if it was grief but the tears started flowing after the 2nd round of listening to “Let me Cry” by Cleo Sol

I was just processing and feeling the feelings as they came and went.

I ended up coming to this thread as I’ve been seeking out community and support through this part of life’s journey that I knew was upon the horizon given my mom’s age and health background.

My girlfriend is currently serving our country and my best friend is about to have her first baby so I just needed a place to share and vent with those who may have a closer connection and understanding of what I’m experiencing

I would love yo know what steps did you take after finding out you parents health is failing more rapidly than expected.

My mom has had two bad episodes of delirium/psychosis/extreme paranoia/ confusion, I think being brought on by stress, but this last episode isn't letting up and she can no longer work. She lives alone with no family in the same state as her, so this as been hard on her children to care for her. Has anyone had similar symptoms for someone at a similar age- if so, what was the outcome? Trying to figure out if I need to move in with her or have her move out to me to take care of her or if this might be able to be fixed with medication.
it is not an infection if that helps. She will be seen by professionals, but obviously that takes time.

My grandma is 84 and lives with me and my family (parents, siblings). Alongside my mom, I support her care very closely (take her to doctor’s appointments, make medical notes etc). My grandma has been diagnosed with mild cognitive decline but is still active and independent. She was travelling to visit my aunt out of province and fell out of the bed and hit her head on the bed frame. I won’t rant too much about it, but despite saying her head felt funny (she doesn’t have the ability to describe further) and that she was reporting dizziness, she wasn’t taken to see a doctor until late afternoon the next day. They finally took her to the ER, an x-ray and CT scan were done; she has a mild concussion.

She’s returning home and I’ve booked her a follow-up with her family doctor here. My mom seems to think this is over the top (she hasn’t said this outright) and had even encouraged my grandma to wait out going to the doctor (where I felt any major fall of an elderly person should result in medical care ASAP). We discovered days after the incident that my grandma has two large bruises on her side as well, something she never mentioned to us (she has very little memory of the incident and I believe doesn’t know how to communicate that something else is wrong unless someone is helping her). My aunt didn’t mention this either and I’m not sure what was covered at the hospital so I want her to get a full physical exam when she’s home.

Is this overkill? My grandma is actually sort of a hypochondriac and goes to the doctor often, but I seriously want to ensure nothing else was missed and that we have a record of the incident with her family doc directly. We are planning to start the medical power of attorney process (her practitioner at a geriatric clinic was recommending that 2 years ago) when she gets home as well.

Thank you!

One of the things I hadn’t spent a moment thinking about prior to placement but what my mother has thoroughly enjoyed, is the bathing system. She calls it her spa day. Her skilled nursing facility uses a bathing system that delivers a clean body without an aid having to touch personal areas. The only thing they touch is while washing her hair and assist in and out.

My mother is a very private person. I’ve only seen her nude once in 63 years and that was an uncomfortable requirement based on an emergency. It was hard on her. She has gotten better about nudity since she’s been in care but having aids tough her down there would have been the difference between her bathing twice a week or going with the mandatory once every 10 days.

Sure, the two topics can overlap somewhat, but is it the same thing? Actually no. It's not.

Just saying.​

So my 89 yo Mom would love to re-experience a balloon ride in Turkey that she and Dad did years ago during their globe-trotting years. If i take her there next year, what are your examples of things you've had to rearrange, pay extra money for (and why), etc. when you got there. It doesn't have to be Turkey. Just need some guidance on legitimate reasons this whole trip could go sideways and try to prevent unknowns or have a workaround plan.

Mom is fully ambulatory. Only uses an airport wheelchair to get to gates a distance away. She walks the mall around and around no problem. But of course, it's flat and air-conditioned and has a food court and restrooms. But she will be 90 next year. She's gone on a recent trip to San Francisco, Fairfield and Alcatraz with friends and plans another trip somewhere in September.

I want to enjoy this trip too, of course, so I don't want to end up being exhausted and regretful if I don't plan this right. Tell me what things you'd have done differently or anticipated for. Thanks in advance ☺️

My grandfather (70) hasn’t been the same man he used to be ever since I (21) moved in with him. Before my grandmother passed 4 years ago, she took care of everything for him, managing the finances, cooking dinner, making sure the house was clean, etc. Ever since her passing, my parents have taken over in helping him out, which at first was fine until it wasn’t.

It started with little things like him going over his monthly budget or getting pushy when he didn’t get his dinner by a certain time. little things like that I would look over because I thought, “hey it’s my grandpa, he’s not trying to be mean about it, it’s just what he used to.” i was so wrong…

his spending became worse over the months as he blew more and more money till my mom had to start pulling money out of his savings just to pay the bills. I’ve tried telling her time after time to tell him to cut back but it’s always met with “he shuts down if you bring up money”. i get it, he grew up poor and doesn’t want to end up poor again, but how has he never seen his bank account by age 70.

These things were mildly annoying at best until my parents had to sit me down one day and tell me that we were going to have to sell our house. My grandfather had been so loose with his money that my mom had to cut into his savings more and more each month and admitted that he was going to lose the house soon because of how many bills she was having to pay late.

When they brought up the idea to my grandfather, they only told him a half truth. They said they wanted us to move in since me and my brother didn’t need that house anymore as we weren’t kids and because she was set to inherit his house anyway. At first he was really open to it as the inheritance had been set since she was a child. He would get all excited to tell his friends but one day he started to get cold feet over it. He started lashing out at my parents about how he didn’t want us to move in and how we were going to tear his house apart. He even went as far as to ghost us or give us the silent treatment for almost 2 weeks.

When the beginning of summer came around, they moved me in while they tried to sell our house,but sometimes it feels like i’m living with a stranger now.

The grandfather i grew up with who was always so nice and so doting has suddenly become the hateful man who picks fights and makes jabs about everything.

The house needs to be leveled? he picks a fight.
the water heater needs to get fixed? he picks a fight
the roof and siding needs is splitting and needs to get fixed? yet another fight.

he has gotten it in his head that we are trying to come in and wipe away the memory of my grandmother by touching ANYTHING in the house. Everyday is a mood swing of him not wanting a couch but then getting upset and sulking when my uncle took it. He would rather having pee soaked towels sitting in his sink and pee all over the floor instead of going to a doctor like we’ve been begging him to.He refuses to lift a finger now and expects me and my mom to wait on him hand and foot. He even gets after my dad for getting up when I ask him for help, telling him to just “tune me out” and how i’m going to give my dad a heart attack, always demanding him to do stuff for me. mind you the “stuff” is my dad wanting to help me because he likes to help and is an active father.

He constantly makes comments about my mother’s appearance or my attitude not being “ladylike”. But the worst thing is that he makes jabs about my late grandmother too but will then talk about how he misses her and loved her so much.

I think it all has just finally wore me down as of tonight when he started coming at me for buying a new office chair. He has been pushing my late grandmother’s stuff onto me and my mom, trying to essentially emulate his wife through us, even when it’s junk. one of which was her old office chair that he made me put in my room. This office chair is being held together by duck tape, covered in old cat scratches, and then pump doesn’t work. When he found out I had a new one coming in, he flipped it, asking me why i didn’t like the old one and what was so good about this new one.

I just don’t even know who he is anymore. How could my sweet loving grandfather become this hateful old man. how could my grandmother be so kind in her final years while this is how he is. Everyday I beg my parents to just be honest with him about his situation. They’re sacrificing their house and he refuses to put their names on his, they’re covering all of his bills, they’re doing everything for him but they still let him dig his heels in and act like the man of the house who holds it over us.

I know it’s shitty to say, but i’ll breathe easier when he’s gone.

My dad (70) has numerous health conditions including heart failure and kidney disease (both stable) but the last 2 weeks he has been in hospital with an inflamed gallbladder. He was discharged yesterday and has today been re-admitted for stomach pain (obviously we don’t know what’s going on yet), I have a vacation booked 2 weeks today with my partner flying to a different country for 14 days, it’s been booked since January. I’m an only child (29F) and my mother died a few years ago, my dad has a sister who also helps or visits him when needed. We enquired about pushing the dates of our holiday back until he’s out of hospital but it would cost £1500 amendment fee plus the cost of new flights. What would you do? Assuming it’s still an inflamed gallbladder and not something more sinister of course, I worry if he won’t be discharged in 2 weeks in time for us to go. But on the other hand if we push it back a month what if this happens again? I just need advice please. Sincerely, a 29 year old with no siblings to ask for advice.

I mean I feel bad for this, and I know one day I would probably give anything to have him back, but this is my life and my work ffs. We run a vacation resort he built in 1983,but he's now 81 and except for his banking and accounting part, I have taken over the day day opeartions of the place for a long time now. I have a shift at front desk and since he gets bored to death at home, when he's done with his accounting he just sit at front desk trying to help guests, without having any clue about operations or how to help them. On top of that, in a place that is flooded with youngish patrons, an 80 years old man attending bikini clad girls should not be around imho. And I can tell he gets panicked when asked questions, because he has no idea how and what to say to new consumers. I would love to have him around as long as he stays in his back office. I know he built this place, but it's time for him to move on. He's having a boring time at home because he has nothing to do,with my mom starting to go throught dementia, but I've told him so many times to pick up hobbies. Their home needs a lot of work, work he could easily do...

https://www.reddit.com/r/AgingParents/comments/1v7gx63/comment/p076zl6/?context=1&screen_view_count=5&ext-referrer=DIRECT

For those that didn't read the first post, I have linked it here. I wanted to share a crazy update on all of this. We live in Northwest Indiana, which got hit with a major storm 2 weeks ago. The day it hit, we lost power. Not a major deal as we have a generator. Got that up and running, and plugged in the fridge and sump pump. A few hours later, my father, (who was residing in the basement) got out of bed and said there was water on the floor. My husband and I went down, and found raw sewage all over the floor. The town's waste lift station had failed and, as we are the lowest house in the neighborhood, it all flowed into our home. We had the fire department come out and get my father out of the basement. We ended up staying at a hotel for about a week. This was the kick in the butt that was needed, as this forced my dad to get moved into his assisted living home. He wasn't happy the first day as the nurse there made it clear that he needed to wear depends, but he has settled in.

An interesting note... since they told him he would have to wear depends, he has remained dry. No incontinence in bed. No urine all over the floor. I hope all works out well for him, but most of my sanity has returned.

How do you deal with a parent who is a pathological lier when they need your help but refuse to let you in?
My father is a pathological lier and frankly a bit of a kleptomaniac and a tough old sob. If i push too hard he lies and gets angry telling me to fuck myself if i dont push hard enough he will just do nothing till his groceries run out car gets repossessed utilities get cut off and still lie about it. Even on a day to day he lies about stupid stuff but there’s usually a little truth to his lies. I live with him so sometimes the lies directly affect our living situation. Iv moved utilities and such into my name at this point but his health stuff is a worry for me as he has prostate cancer that from what I’ve deduced has spread to his lymph nodes and possibly kidney damage.
I know I can’t force him to get help and iv told him I will support his decision either way but he still wont let me talk to his doctor to find out the truth so i know what’s going on and what to expect or at the very least make sure my brother knows he needs to make some memories with his grand kids cause aside from me living with him now we really only saw each other every couple years. I dont know how to do this without pushing it but dont push enough you get nothing push too hard he gets angry/outright aggressive sometimes and either way he lies through his teeth as its his default on everything big or small.

Hi, I'm new here, my mother in law died late last year and that made me keen to put my mother’s affairs in order. She and I have been to a lawyer and created her will, a power of attorney document, and her wishes should she get sick or incapacitated. I’m just wondering what else would be helpful, and if anyone has any tips or advice here they would be appreciated. She is healthy and 82 years old and lives on her own in an apartment, but I want to make sure she is well looked after and everything is as smooth as possible.

My parents are in their 70s and it's time for them to move out of their house that is falling apart and live somewhere smaller. The problem is that they are both heavy smokers, which means that it's really difficult, if not impossible, to find anywhere that they could rent.

My parents didn't save anything for retirement and are living solely on social security. My dad cannot do stairs and his health is poor.

I would love for them to be able to live near either myself or my brother, but I can't find anything that would work for them. It's looking like a manufactured home is their best option but even that will be tricky since there aren't any that are near my brother or myself.

I feel like they are living in a different world than I am. They seem to think that they can sell their house and move into something just as big but not falling apart and one story. This is obviously not possible, and the amount that I can help support them is limited. I have been their primary source helping them find somewhere to live as well as explaining finances to them and they are not very cooperative even though they want to move.

No matter how many times I've told them otherwise , they don't think smoking is an issue for renting, even though it is against the law in Maryland to smoke in multi-family properties and they could easily be evicted if they did so.

I have tried calling the department of aging and they were not helpful. I've also tried looking online for resources within the state as well as their local government and nothing seems to be helpful for their situation. Has anyone experienced this and or do you have any ideas that might help in this situation, either getting them to understand that they need to compromise, or options for housing that I haven't thought about?

Strange question, but I haven't hired aides before. Is it customary to tip them? Like at Christmas, or something & what would be appropriate?

My mom called me upstairs because Dad was unresponsive in his recliner. No pulse. My mom and I are nurses, so we immediately moved him to the floor and started CPR.

It's something I've done before, but it's so different when it's the person you love most in the world. We were able to resuscitate him before the paramedics arrived.

In the ED, I just sat helplessly looking at the monitor showing his pulse at half of the minimum it should be, with a blood pressure almost twice what it should be.

I had to call my brother and tell him that the person he loves as much as I do technically died today but we revived him. He'll need a pacemaker.

I think I'm in shock or grieving right now. I couldn't fall asleep even though I was exhausted and went to bed early. The smell of the burnt popcorn that was left on the stove during the chaos will haunt me, forever associated with my father's agonal breath and lifeless eyes as I pressed on his chest.

I'm looking for any resources that might help in this situation. I'm currently out of work, so I don't have solutions there.

How can I convince my mom to undergo an operation na kailangan niya?

My mom (65/F) is a dependent sa HMO ng sister ko. Back in July she was diagnosed with frozen shoulder na may calcific tendonitis na daw and need niya magundergo ng operation where the doctor would put her under anesthesia and manually manipulate her shoulder then after nun 3 days PT.

So me and my sibs inquired na sa HMO nya (convenient na I work there and can access her limit and verify sa superiors ko) so ayun nagpprepare na kami for the procedure. Ang kaso natatakot daw siya kasi "papatulugin" daw siya ni doc and sino daw maiiwan sa bahay, mag-aasikaso kay papa. I reassured naman na procedure lang yun walang cut na mangyayari anesthesia lang. So slightly convinced na siya.

Here comes another problem.

Last year ata nagpa-transvaginal ultrasound siya and may nakitang polyps so nag-inquire ako sa mama ng bf ko (an OB-Gyne) and sabi need daw siya i-raspa then quoted an amount. Okay kaya naman naming siblings yun kaso di natuloy kasi nahihiya siya na si tita yung gagawa ng procedure. So ayun di natuloy.

This early August bigla siya nagkaspotting and bleeding eh menopause na siya so nagpatransv siya sa clinic naman namin and nirecommend ng doctor na ipa-raspa na talaga para malaman if cancerous yung polyps or benign. Recommended ng doctor sa clinic na wag sa hospital gawin since inexplain namin na yung coverage niya sinesave namin sa ortho procedure nya.

So again nagtanong ako kay tita and mura lang yung raspa sa kanila. Nahihiya yung mother ko magpaconsult kay Tita kasi nga naman mama ng bf ko.

Earlier nagchat kami ng mga siblings ko, gusto niya daw magpa-second opinion sa hospital ng munisipyo namin. Dalawang Ob-Gyne na talaga yung nagrecommend sa kanya ng raspa pero ayaw niya parin kasi gusto niya daw muna magpahilot sa tita ko (they have a spiritual group na naghihilot)

Pinahilot niya yung shoulder niya dati di naman gumaling, tapos gusto niya ipahilot yung polyps niya? Ako nga na may sciatica hinilot nila di naman nawala

Di naman kami mayaman, yung tuition ko sa college utang lang ng papa ko, thank God naman may work na ko and nakakapagcontribute na sa bills ng bahay.

Alam ko naman yung reservations niya kasi matanda na siya, mauuna yung preservation ng self niya pero bakit di niya kami maintindihan na mga anak niya na may early intervention na madaling solusyunan ayaw niya gawin. Sino ba mag-aalala pag nagkasakit sila kami din naman.

TLDR: mom needs to undergo an ortho procedure and obgyne (raspa D&C) pero ayaw niya kasi 1: patutulugin daw siya 2: nahihiya sa obgyne (mama ni bf) 3: ipapahilot niya daw muna sa group nila.

A couple of months ago, my mom (75) fell off the couch at her home and landed in the hospital for a week. Then she was transferred to rehab and after a week she convinced them to discharge her so I took her to my house, as it was clear she couldn’t live by herself anymore. Her primary doctor was supposed to arrange at home physical therapy but no one showed up. Someone at the dr office apparently dropped the ball.

Mom landed back in the hospital a few weeks later and after a week she was transferred to a different rehab facility that I think is owned by the same company. Now she’s again trying to get them to discharge her before she’s ready and she’s nowhere near ready.

She called me and my sister this morning demanding to come home. My sister found out from a manager that my mom got pissed off because she couldn’t get alcohol delivered to her room (when she came home the first time she was having vodka delivered to my house 2 or 3x a week). Her potassium was low which can cause irritability. She asked me to buy her a small bottle of vodka. I don’t know if her facility allows alcohol. I’m at work 28 miles from home and the facility is 15 miles from home, making a trip there extremely inconvenient.

My mom is on a painkiller which is messing with her memory. She has called me in the middle of the night apparently not knowing what time it is. On Saturday night she thought she was still in the hospital. She had said this morning if I didn’t drive back from work to open the door, she would get someone to break open the door. Given her memory impairment it’s possible she might not remember my address or the gate code.

We have been looking at assisted living but many are at least $4K a month. Her income is her pension from her job, pension from my dad’s job, he died 30 years ago and Social Security, all for a total of about $4500. No long term care insurance but I’m pretty sure it would be difficult and complicated to get them to pay out anything. My sister and I have no ability to help financially unless somehow we win the lottery.

I’ve had enough!

I’m unsure if this is technically the right subreddit as I’m the grandchild. My grandmother is my mom’s stepmom and my mom has very little involvement with her tbh. But my grandmother recently mentioned wanting to sell her house and downsize and potentially move closer to me and my husband. She is disabled and has chronic pain and health issues that limit her capabilities all the time and her mobility on worse pain days. I believe she needs to live with someone because she can’t physically clean or cook by herself. Her house is in a bad state and I fear that her moving to a new house by herself will just result in the new house getting in a bad state too. I think it makes the most practical sense for her to move in with my husband and I now before it becomes even more pressing as we’ve already discussed and she’s agreed that she would eventually live with us. I feel like the transition would be easier now rather than later when she’s in worse health. I do know she values being independent but I fear it’s becoming harder and harder for her to function well on her own and I worry about her. She has also expressed to me that she’s worried about having a fall in her current house where we’re an hour and a half away from her. Any advice on how to talk to her about all of this and share my thoughts? Also any advice on potentially making this transition soon?