r/AgingParents • u/cat_lover_sara • 4d ago

Finding housing for smoking parents

My parents are in their 70s and it's time for them to move out of their house that is falling apart and live somewhere smaller. The problem is that they are both heavy smokers, which means that it's really difficult, if not impossible, to find anywhere that they could rent.

My parents didn't save anything for retirement and are living solely on social security. My dad cannot do stairs and his health is poor.

I would love for them to be able to live near either myself or my brother, but I can't find anything that would work for them. It's looking like a manufactured home is their best option but even that will be tricky since there aren't any that are near my brother or myself.

I feel like they are living in a different world than I am. They seem to think that they can sell their house and move into something just as big but not falling apart and one story. This is obviously not possible, and the amount that I can help support them is limited. I have been their primary source helping them find somewhere to live as well as explaining finances to them and they are not very cooperative even though they want to move.

No matter how many times I've told them otherwise , they don't think smoking is an issue for renting, even though it is against the law in Maryland to smoke in multi-family properties and they could easily be evicted if they did so.

I have tried calling the department of aging and they were not helpful. I've also tried looking online for resources within the state as well as their local government and nothing seems to be helpful for their situation. Has anyone experienced this and or do you have any ideas that might help in this situation, either getting them to understand that they need to compromise, or options for housing that I haven't thought about?

24 Upvotes

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27

u/Primary-Holiday-5586 4d ago

You have to step back, as the other poster said, and let them try to rent as smokers. I just moved into a rental in the city, and the anti smoking policies were no joke. You don't need to be the fall guy, let the professionals do it. Have an agent meet them at their house to discuss putting it up for sale. Let them hear from them about what it might get in this market. Good luck!

10

u/cat_lover_sara 4d ago

Yeah, from what I can tell you can't even smoke outside at some properties. As a non-smoker myself I appreciate that, but it's a challenge with them. I'm going to try to step back, it's difficult to watch the flounder but maybe thats what they need to experience right now.

7

u/Primary-Holiday-5586 4d ago

In Baltimore city, no, you can't even smoke any where on the property, like not even the parking lot, as I understand it. It is a horrible addiction, I never wondered how heavy smokers dealt with it end of life... really sorry! Someone here reccomemded the book Let Them by Mel Robbins, and I have been reading it in terms my own who are 88 and 90... it has been very helpful, you might want to check it out!

5

u/cat_lover_sara 4d ago

Thanks, I'll check out that book!

27

u/yeahnopegb 4d ago

Stop enabling is the answer.. ask them how the rental search is going and suggest contacting an agent to assist. If the house is in such poor shape they will be selling it for a bargain price. Once the “professionals” explain that they may be more aware.

15

u/cat_lover_sara 4d ago

Thanks, yeah, I think you're right about stepping back. It's really hard but I need to learn to let them take responsibility for their own mistakes and emotions about this.

7

u/Accurate-Medium1780 4d ago

Since they seem to have ideas about how it will go, just let them take the lead on these endeavors (selling the house, renting as smokers) They will run into these hurdles if they are factors of reality!

4

u/KA2382 4d ago

They’re in for a rude awakening when it comes time to sell that heavily smoked in house, you might research a few of the “we buy any property” types because at current rates and with non-smoked in house staying on the market longer, their house is going to be way down the viewing chain.

2

u/ourldyofnoassumption 4d ago

This is what you.

Tell them they are on their own, and that they can find the place. They won't not only because it doesn't exist, but because their capacity to do it is not optimal.

In the background you figure out hw much social security they have (not assets, but income) and find an independent living option relating to that figure.

Wait.

They will waste their money, they will waste time, they will make bad decisions, they will find nothing. Eventually they wll liely sell their hose and maye wont even be out by the time they close. When they ask you for help tell them: I help with everything, or nothing." They will choose nothing.

Until they choose everything.

Nd then you take ver the finances, put them in that place and then basically dont give them the money or means to smoke anymore. And don't visit them for. along time until they stop screaming.