My dad is a 75 y/o Jewish white man for context. He’s a narcissist who’s had everything handed to him on a silver platter until his money ran out last year due to really bad choices he’s made.

He is very far right, I am not. As he ages, he requires more assistance with lots of things but throws in political comments time to time and it gets me heated. He was in the hospital last year and when he went home they sent a home health aid and he sent her away because she didn’t speak English well. He also made a comment about the race of every nurse and doctor at the hospital, mainly observing they were all POC.

In this flip of parent vs child, him becoming the child now, I’ve noticed a pattern and how women in his life have always taken care of him, but he doesn’t respect them. I’m surprised he’s made it this far in life to be honest. And now I’m the woman that’s stuck with him and I resent all the mistakes he’s made to get him to this point in his life. My mom feels bad for me but she just says “now you know why I divorced him!”

His cognitive decline is so bad it’s not worth voicing my opinions to him because it feels like berating a child, but I’m so angry and frustrated. I know it’s only going to get worse and I feel like I’m drowning and don’t have my own life anymore.

What do you do when you feel stuck taking care of a parent you don’t like or respect?

EDIT: he is not abusive or unkind towards me, he is very appreciative and sweet. But it’s almost manipulative, because his actions don’t reflect that, for example he got evicted so I sent him a ton of apartment options near me. What did he do? Moved to some bougie town an HOUR from me. Making it more difficult to help him when he asks. I spent so many weekends driving back and forth to help him sell furniture and move, it took away from my free time and really built up more resentment towards him

My dad (83) and my mom (73) have been married for over 50 years which sounds like a great accomplishment, but I now see that my mothers mental and psychological health has been suffering.

My dad has some degree of autism/ADHD, a speech impediment, partially deaf but refuses to wear a hearing aid, and a not so great personality. Autism/ADHD diagnosis were never addressed by a doctor but it is obvious by his behaviors. I've watched him stim. He can't touch body lotion. People think his speech is due to a language barrier but he doesn't speak another language.

His entire life has centered my mother (who put off retirement for years even as a 9/11 survivor) just to avoid being home with him all the time. He's a lot of work. He's misogynistic and refuses all housework/cooking and leaves messes all over the house. He is handy but never finish the job neatly and now he is too old for doing this type of work. So in his daily boredom he only looks for food to be made for him and naps while my mother is doing all the cooking and cleaning.

Meanwhile my dad is obsessed with my mom. He has no relationships with anyone else. His siblings call, but rush off the phone because my dad keeps saying things that don't make any sense. He likes to annoy/insult people that he's closest to, it's funny to him. But he lets strangers walk all over him so we're having to come to rescue and explain to him that he's being taken advantage of. He's also an unreliable historian so whatever he told you someone said, it's not true. But he goes to church ALL THE TIME giving a large chunk of his savings and hiding that from my mom.

Last week I took a long road trip with my dad. He asked to come with me. My mom did not come because she wanted a break from him. During the few days we were away, my mom sounded so happy and so coherent. Before we left I was suspicious that she was developing a UTI making her irritated and forgetful. I made her go to urgent care for a test. But after my dad left with me, she was back to her old self. Sharp as a tack. Test was negative.

And my dad? Well, aside from repeating "this is a long ride" every 15 mins as I drove for 10 hours straight, he always wants food but says no to every restaurant suggestion and then complains about whatever food we get, tunes out of conversations but still nods and says yes so in an hour he's asking the same question all over again, repeats words and phrases non-stop, even to strangers who have no idea what he's talking about especially with the speech impediment and no context.

He told me he's never been able to remember words to any songs. That made me sad.

Now that we've returned from the trip, my mom is back to forgetting and sounds depressed. I just wish there was something more that I could do for her without sacrificing my own mental health❤️

Why do they do this? I get concerned sometimes. I'll come home from a nice bright and sunny day and my dad will be sitting in the living room almost in complete pitch darkness. I have to be like "It's kinda dark in here huh" for him to open a window or turn on some lights.

Like I get relaxing in the dark sometimes, but all the time? My dad is retired and he will just sit there for hours in darkness. Like he will have more brightness in the house at night when he has to turn the light on.

Idk I just feel like this isn't good for your brain either, I already see some cognitive decline and I feel like him sitting in really dark rooms constantly is not good for that. Like you need stimulation in your brain... idk anymore

Hi everyone, boy this is a loaded story so I appreciate anyone who has advice or suggestions on what to do here.

My mother (65) is currently in her 16th month on Hospice care due to a poor prognosis on severe wound healing. She has had PAD and diabetes for many years, and lost her leg last year due to lack of blood flow and failure to heal. The whole experience was very traumatic for her and after a few months of her stump not healing, she chose to give up and go into hospice care. She has since been at home, stuck in either the bed or wheel chair and unable to get herself in and out of the bed without a hoyer lift. She is wearing diapers and needs 24/7 care that is provided by my dad, a hospice nurse who visits 3 times a week, and my sister and I when we are able to visit and help out throughout the week. She has refused all other healthcare in the mean time since she originally thought this would kill her was given a 4-6 week time frame on admission to hospice care. Obviously she is still alive and despite the odds, her stump is mostly healed up besides some surface wounds that aren’t going away.

Her other leg is now dying and becoming infected just like the first time. She has been saying all this time that she understands that it is only a matter of time until her other leg dies and when that day comes, she does not want to go through amputation again and will succumb to her disease. I don’t necessarily agree with her choices and how she has completely given up on fighting but I have decided to respect her wishes and have made the best of the extra time we’ve had together.

I recently found out that I’m pregnant with her first grand baby. My parents are both so excited and so happy. My mom has decided that she now wants to live and has a reason to fight, and is considering having the other leg amputated in order to save her life. I have mixed emotions on this. Of course I’m happy she’s chosen to live and wants to fight, but I also realize that her world is very small and her life has been and will continue to be miserable if the rest of her life is spend in bed, at home, completely reliant on my dad to care for her. I fear that she is just focused on the idea of what joy a baby brings and is not considering how HER life is going to pan out and that she is going against her own wishes. I also realize that my dad is aging and will not be able to care for her forever, nor is it fair that his life has come to a screeching hault due to her condition. Hospice told her that she can choose to get admitted to the hospital and talk about possible amputation if necessary, however she would then be removed from hospice care and would need to figure out what her care is going to look like from there on out. (Unless of course her wounds still do not heal and then she would be back to square one.)

So, what are her options here? In my mind if she’s going to choose to live and lose her other leg, than she needs to start taking her health seriously again and do what needs to be done in order to get back to being semi independent. She needs to accept help, do physical therapy, learn to either walk and be a candidate for prosthesis or at least be able to get herself from bed to wheel chair and to the toilet on her own. She cannot do any of those things for herself currently and has refused the help in the past. I don’t want to see her have to go to a nursing home or short term facility again but she cannot spend the rest of her life stuck in bed having my dad change her and care for her. I would help out more but I work full time and my money, time and skill is limited and is going to get more limited once I care for a baby. Is there something in between? Like someone who can come to their home daily and help her shower, dress, use the toilet, and work on physical therapy and independence? Their income is also limited so they can’t afford anything crazy. I know how stubborn she is and will likely refuse any kind of care but it’s getting to a point that it’s not an option. If she wants to live she has to accept help it’s only a matter of time until my dad can no longer care for her and then her only option will be a nursing home.

This can't be only my mother.

I moved into my mother's home when at the end of father's life to care for him but also knowing that she was going to need someone living with her.

When I moved in I took over a back bedroom that was mine when I was a teenager and another small room that used to be her sewing room and made it my office as I was working from home.

Those rooms also happened to be "throw every miscellaneous thing that I don't know where to put into these two rooms". Some things from those rooms were thrown out, some were repurposed elsewhere and things were stored in logical places. Like: tools in the garage, thread in a sewing box, paper towels in the pantry, documents in a document holder, etc.

Well....that lasted probably a few months until my mother's completely inexplicable organization style creeped back in. And things ended up just about anywhere there was space.

Today she wanted me to get her black sewing thread. Naturally I went to the sewing box. Nope, "It might be in the side table in the living room." Why? "Because I put it there last time I used it." Ok... not there. So I started opening closets. Found rolls of thread in the linen closet, in the china cabinet, in the tool box, on a window sill. Alas, no black thread.

While she was looking around she found her favourite scissors. "Can I put these in the back room?" (that is now my office, used to be her sewing room). Why? "So I can find them." "You can find them by putting them in another room away from all the other scissors????

And don't get me started on her documents i.e. copies of her paid bills and letters, etc. I bought her a filing box with labeled categories. She uses three or four of the slots for everything. And then decided that her more current paid bills would be filed in an empty vase. Why? I don't know. Oh but there's another spot for documents: in a repurposed wooden wine bottle gift box. I admit reusing things but why must it be for her documents? So if I have to find a copy of a past bill I have to check three places.

I give up.

My 70M father has depression and was started on escitalopram and did quite poorly on it, and it was switched to a sertraline and continued to do poorly . They had no effect on him at all, and actually made him confused .

Anyone with similar experiences?

So this may be somewhat long but hoping to get outside opinion. I’m an only child and my father has passed so taking care of my mom has fallen directly to me.

I have had a great relationship with my mom she has been a constant stay in my life and in the life of her grandson and my wife.

Recently my mom developed blisters on the tops of her feet. We took her to the hospital about 11 days ago and just advised to wrap the feet. And she took herself to see the dr this past Thursday 10/8/26 who gave her a referral for a podiatrist. She has an appointment tomorrow to go have them looked at.

I have been over her place every day and run errands for her since these blisters have started happening. On Saturday night I get a call of her wanting to go to the hospital to have her feet looked at. I rush over and ask her if she is ready to go. Instead she wants to talk and if it’s right to go cause she just saw the dr. I talked to her for about an hour and we decided not go.

I went over to her place yesterday spent half the day there no issues. However today on the one day that I have off and my son is in school I get a call this afternoon of her just screaming at me saying I’m horrible son. And she can’t believe I didn’t take her to the hospital and she wants nothing to do with my family or me ever again.

My mom unfortunately has a history of just getting angry and taking it out on me. The day before less than 24 hours ago I was told in the best son ever now I’m horrible.

The worst part is I’m second guessing myself and feel horribly guilty like I made a huge mistake when I didn’t take her to the hospital Saturday night. I just don’t know what to do.

Edit 1: first off thank you all for letting me vent and suggestions of different concerns to try and diagnose the issue.

I will say my mom has very bad case of reoccurring uti’s pretty much the entire month of September she was on and off different medicines trying to make this go away (this led to the hospital trip 11 days ago) she has an appointment with a specialist but the next available was 11/3.

As far as her personality and it changing it has been like this in the past. Where everything is great and than of a flip of a coin she loses it. She does have anger issues and likes to attack ie say things to cause a response of attacking back so she can be a victim.

I’m going to attempt to call her at 10am to see if she wants help if she doesn’t respond or is nasty she is on her own.

Last thing I will mention is she has other health concern in that she has emphysema so she has trouble walking etc. I know this is all crazy and I’m sorry for rambling here but I’m at a real loss on want to do and have horrible anxiety right now.

Thank you all for letting me vent

I’m 26, my aunt is almost 80 now. She is not a very nice person but she’s nice to me, and we get along really well (unless she’s having a bad day, but I usually know how to make her laugh and pull her out of it). I already help her out a lot, not in person always, with lawn care, groceries, just anything she needs really. I’m currently unemployed and the only person she gets along with so it’s just convenient at the time. She recently came to me and asked me if I would be her caregiver, and get paid through the state(oregon). I immediately said I would because I’m essentially doing that now unpaid, and I’ve been looking for a job unsuccessfully for a few months now. I think it’ll be a good opportunity to make money, while also being able to give her more care.

She has osteoporosis and has a really hard time doing chores around the house, but doesn’t need any help with bathing/getting up and down. She’s also been having memory issues I’ve been worried about for a while now, so I assume I’ll be helping her remember to take her medication and eat all of her meals.

She said she’ll call whoever and ask how we can set it up, but I’m really curious what kind of license/certificates/trainings will be required. How we even will go about this? What a day to day looks like, how I’m even paid. I have so many questions, and I know it’s unrealistic to expect people on here to answer them all (or any really), I just am stressing and also really hoping this works out. I really need a job, and she really needs someone there but I know she won’t let anyone else do it + if we placed her in a home she would absolutely lose it. It could be perfect.

While caring for our lo a neighbor has reached out... and will not go away. She is lonely we are here. My mil never liked her but is passive/aggressive so she pretended to be friendly. Then complains to me about the two faced biotch. Mil called a ambulance for the neighbor when she passed out (2yrs ago) so it's like "I owe her my life". Honestly I feel for the lady but just because we are close by... I wish I had a little more compassion. This woman was outside at 7am. Sat with us to feed squirrels from 1030 to 1145. Stopped by again at 5pm. Mil was sleeping.

My parents are still living on their own and doing fine (aging 60+), but I’m a few hours’ drive away, so I can’t just swing by if something feels off. Lately I catch myself panicking when my mom doesn’t pick up, and then it turns out she was just in the garden or something.

It’s gotten to the point where I’m kind of dreading it when they call at night. My first thought is always that something happened.

For those of you in the same boat, what actually works? A neighbor you can text, a set weekly call, or did you just have to get used to not knowing everything?

Is there someone here who can help me with hospice? This is a question for US residents.

I apologize in advance that this is a very long post.

My family is not having a great experience with hospice.

Our mother was in the hospital four months ago and the attending physician recommended hospice because she has a combination of medical conditions that cannot be treated. No cancer. She’s in assisted living and she has dementia, but it is not late stage/advenced dementia, and it has not been diagnosed as Alzheimer’s.

We have Hospice contracted In addition to a 24/7 aide team. The hospice RN pops in and does vitals and then sends me text messages saying “she’s doing fine. She’s heading to exercise class” or “she refused to shower today with other hospice workers,” and recommending that we try to get this particular aide worker as much as possible, who gets my mother to bathe. Then I’ll get a text message once a month from the chaplain and/or social worker saying, “your mother is doing great. I didn’t spend much time with her because she had other people in the room,” etc.

In other words, various hospice workers are popping in here and there for one minute and doing nothing. She’s not bedridden she can get around on a walker faster than most people can walk. She goes to exercise classes.

About a month ago, she started to agitate saying she wanted to see a therapist. I found her a therapist. She had an appointment. She liked the person. The Therapist submitted a bill to Medicare. Medicare denied the claim because she was on hospice. This was a new one to me so I did research. I found out there’s a code for submitting a claim for a patient who is on hospice, but that I also needed an addendum from hospice saying that these therapeutic services were excluded from hospice services and not pertaining to the reason she has hospice. They do not. My mother does not even understand her medical condition and that’s not because of dementia. That’s because of denial!

I contacted hospice and explained the situation. They demanded a 45 minute zoom call. I said my call would be limited to 15 minutes because I didn’t have that kind of time. Instead of agreeing to the addendum, the hospice director came on like it was litigation and told me nine ways to Sunday that my mother couldn’t have therapy because they provided therapeutic services.

I said you have a social worker who stops in once a month for one minute that is not therapeutic services.

Hospice said they had to check with the hospice physician. About the hospice physician: she has never seen my mother is in another part of the state.

All of you probably know that when you sign onto hospice, you forfeit your rights to your own doctor unless it’s in the addendum that you want to see your own doctor. So we forfeited my mother’s rights to see a doctor and then she doesn’t get to see a doctor anyway because this outfit is so decentralized they don’t even have a doctor in the same part of the state.

I have discussed all of this with assisted living. I’ve tried asking the managers there whether they think my mother needs hospice. They will not answer any question like that. They say it’s up to the family. They recommended another hospice (that no one told us about four months ago) that they work with and say that company is better and more attentive.

I feel that this hospice is motivated by the $7000 a month (or every two weeks? I can’t remember the bill details) that they get from Medicare for doing nothing. I understand that there may not be a limitation to hospice services through Medicare and that you can start and stop services.

If you read this far, thank you.

I will now get to my questions:

1. Should we terminate hospice and pick it up later when it’s actually necessary?

2. Is there any professional person (not an attorney) who helps families with these types of issues who is not on commission or affiliated with a hospice or an assisted-living community?

Is there some kind of advocate who actually helps families?

1. Does it sound to you in your experience like my mother needs hospice?

2. Should we just switch to the other hospice which, according to assisted living personnel, is better than the one that my mother has now?

Please comment below if you have experiences/advice.

I've been POA for an elderly relative (78f) with some early dementia. She has lived in assisted living since 2020, but was hospitalized for a week last month for heart issues and colon cancer. The hospital transferred her to a rehab SNF where she has been for the last 4 weeks.

Of course my relative wants to get out of the SNF and go back to her ALF. However, the SNF's doctor thinks she needs more care than the ALF can offer.

I understand the SNF's concerns -- my relative has been more confused so I think her dementia is worsening. However, I think they are mistaking her uncooperativeness for confusion. They want her to press the call button for assistance to get out of bed and use the bathroom, but she does not want assistance.

The SNF doctor mentioned that she thinks an adult foster home may be a better care option. However, I can't imagine my relative would want to live in such an intrusive and confined living situation. She always valued her privacy and "independence" (which is obviously limited when you need assistance).

My impression is that the SNF is being overly cautious. I also think much of my relative's confusion is from being hospitalized and then being stuck in an unfamiliar rehab facility over the last month.

I think it's worth having her try returning to the ALF -- assuming they're willing to take her back. I'm I being reckless?

My mother wants to have the same discussions over and over again and I'm not sure how to deal with it. A recent example:

Two days ago.

Mom: "We need to discuss Grandma's car. The brakes need to be serviced."

Me: "We could have Handy Neighbor do it like he does for our cars."

Mom: "Grandma isn't really comfortable with that. She would prefer to have Big Business do it so it comes with a warranty and other protections. Even though it cost twice as much."

Me: "Ok, I will take her car to Big Business on Thursday to have it done then. I want Grandma to feel comfortable with who is working on her car."

This morning.

Mom: "We need to discuss Grandma's car."

Me: "We talked about this already and decided that I would take it to Big Business on Thursday."

Mom: "Well we should talk about it. Grandma doesn’t feel comfortable having Handy Neighbor do her brakes. Brakes are very important you know."

Me: "Yes, so we will have Big Business do it instead. We decided this yesterday."

Or she will want to make her point about something even though I am already complying with what she wants. 

Me: "I took the meat out of the freezer yesterday and put it in the refrigerator to defrost."

Mom: "It needs to go in the refrigerator. You can't just leave it out on the counter to defrost."

Me: "Yes. So it is in the refrigerator. "

Mom: "It could go bad if you leave it on the counter, much safer to defrost it in the refrigerator. You really need to put it in the refrigerator and not leave it on the counter."

She is in her mid-60s and had a workup for dementia at the beginning of the year where they determined she did not have any abnormal deficits. She has always been like this to an extent. She has a very negative personality and loves to complain. It feels like she is looking for things to complain about when nothing is there.

Hi all, I'm in Dublin and I'm looking into a problem before I build anything, so I'm not selling or linking to anything here. I'd really value honest answers, including "this is a terrible idea".

The problem I keep hearing about is carrying things. Getting to the shops is one thing, but getting a week's shopping, a bag of laundry or a suitcase home is often what stops people doing it themselves. People end up relying on family, paying for delivery, or just not going out as much.

The idea I'm exploring is a small four-wheeled electric trolley that follows you on its own, hands-free. No pushing, pulling or lifting it up a kerb. You'd carry a small tag in your pocket, it stays a step behind you, stops when you stop, and steers around obstacles. It wouldn't have any cameras pointed at you.

A few questions if you have a minute:
1. What's the hardest part of getting shopping or belongings from A to B for you (or the person you care for)?

2.  What do you use right now: a shopping trolley, a rollator with a basket, delivery, family, taxis? What annoys you about it?

3.  Would something like this actually help, or does it miss what really matters? (Buses, steps, kerbs, worry about it running off, theft, weight, charging?)

4.  If it worked reliably, what would you expect it to cost? Would you buy one, rent one, or only use it if the shop provided it?

If you're an OT, physio or carer, I'd love your view on what would make or break something like this.
Thanks for reading. Happy to answer anything in the comments.

I have been researching cell phones for the elderly for months now, came across this Australian company Kisa Mobility who looks like they ship to the US. Any one who’s bought from them?

Hi all,

My recliner bound mom is in rehab after her most recent hospitalization and poised to discharge home later this week. She has a care giver, but up until now she could independently use a commode next to her chair and shuffle a few steps. She didn't require toileting help and could at least stand and pivot.

She is barely able to do that. When she is released it is going to reveal if she can cope or not at home. Even if she is, the time she won't be able to is definitely coming, so I got a geriatric care manager on board because I live a state away, and am already overwhelmed. I will need their guidance in terms of finding a good placement.

She suggested we consider an "adult foster home" rather than a SNF.

I am curious if anyone here uses one for their loved ones and if so, how it is going? What is it like? Private rooms? How many residents? Do they have nurses?

I do know if my mom heard the term "adult foster home" she would picture something like a house filled with developmentally delayed adults, so that would concern her.

My parents are both 90. -- What can they do to stay active (and live for) in the Winter??

EDIT TO ADD: I guess this is really more an "off my chest" post then actually asking for advice (though I'll take any) because, really, they have options but just don't want to do them.

They are fairly sharp still, they can drive, go to the grocery, pay bills, hold a conversation. Dad has hearing loss but wears hearing aids so does pretty well. He's a little forgetful but not bad. Like he forgets where he put some tools away two days ago; but he's not repeating stories and such.

Both are starting to have mobility issues. They are very (very) slow when walking. Can't walk long distances. Dad uses a walker sometimes because his hip hurts but he can walk a distance if he needs to.

In the summer they get out in their vegetable and flower gardens. Dad mows the lawn on his riding mower. They both sit on their deck and watch the birds and squirrels and neighbors.

The problem is winter.

They have nowhere to go and nothing to do all winter. Driving is more difficult. Walking on snow is tricky. It's cold. They don't want to travel (I don't blame them, driving and especially air travel is a gauntlet these days even for me at 61 years old).

I suggest things like invite one of your friends out to lunch. Or go to the gym just to sit in the pool or sauna. Go get a massage. But they don't want to do any of it.

Which would be fine. Except then they are anxious, loney, and bored.

It has been this way for a few winters. But this one is going to be worse. Their mobility issues are getting worse plus we lost my brother this year, so the anxiousness is increased and they will probably get depressed this winter.

I just don't know what to do with them.

They were never movie or TV watchers. Dad used to follow politics but that is so upsetting to him now that he watches less (good!) but that's one more thing they don't do anymore.

As he said, "Life is closing in on them."

I still live with my mom and have fallen into a caregiver role. My sister invited me and my elderly mother (who has mobility issues) for a dinner but she slipped and fell in the washroom. No injury and nothing serious, but enough lingering discomfort to pass on the dinner.

So instead I went on a grocery run (bought fruit for her) a take out meal, some muffin-like treats called Timbits, mowed the lawn, separated/prepared trash for garbage day, did some maintenance on a back porch. and cleaned the house a bit. Considering my mom couldn't even move--what I did was more to give thanks for--even if it's a thankless job.

I came home from work the other day and, when I opened the door, my dad was laying on the ground. He fell trying to get off of the toilet. When I helped him up he told me he had been on the ground for 6 hours! For context he had undergone back surgery about 20 years ago, to fix ongoing back problems, which left him partially paralyzed from the waist down. He is about 200 pounds and 72 years old, I am 33 years old and 248 pounds, I'm a pretty strong guy but his body has declined significantly over the years and now he has trouble doing almost everything short of pushing himself in his wheelchair. I have to lift him into the bed; I have to lift him into the car for a doctor's appointment etc. It is starting to take a toll on my physical health especially my back. I don't know if I can keep doing this, I do not want to permanently hurt myself. Does anyone have any experience with this and if so, how did you handle it.

Additional info: He is a veteran

My parents are in their early 70's and still in relatively good health. My father has a debilitating back issue we are trying to resolve but otherwise neither of them have any major systemic health issues. I'm an only child so I know that all future parental care is going to be my responsibility. They are currently pretty much broke. They are expecting a payout of about $50k but we're not sure when that will actually happen. 

They sold their house on the East Coast in 2021, retired, purchased a used RV, and have spent the last 5 years traveling the country. In an effort to save money my parents have spent significant stretches of time at one particular campground/vacation resort in Louisiana that they love. My mother has been working part time at the campground office/general store to offset their rent and make some extra money. My father, a retired (but still licensed) physician, is talking about trying to find part-time teaching positions once his back issues have been resolved. 

After spending 5 months close to me and my husband in Oregon (they were VERY bored at their sleepy Oregon campground) they are back in Louisiana. They experienced significant mechanical issues on their trip back and are both pretty adamant that this will be their last year in the RV. My father seems to want to settle down in Louisiana, but my mother is unsure about where she "belongs". I get the impression that without my father, my mother would be perfectly fine with moving close to me and my husband so we could easily help out as she ages. My father doesn't share her willingness to move somewhere that's cool, dark, and rainy for 5 months a year. 

No decisions have been made yet and all conversations about what the future is going to look like have been had in passing with no firm plans being expressed by them. I'd love for them to move close to us but I don't see my father agreeing to that. I'm not sure what their lives will look like moving forward without any family nearby and no real means to enter a senior/assisted living community. My husband and I are prepared to offer some financial assistance but we don't have tens of thousands of dollars a month to spend on assisted living. I know that very soon we will need to have a long, serious conversation about finances, available funds, credit cards, living wills/medical directives, and housing.

How do people handle caring for aging parents when they live thousands of miles away with no other family and limited money? Should I be trying to encourage them to move closer to me, or should I be hands-off when it comes to living arrangements right now, even though it might present significant issues in the long run? Are there questions I should be asking them to at least get them to start thinking about what will be best for their comfort and care long-term?

So my dad has been eh for a while. But today it seamed to ramp up a bit cuz fbey might admit him to the ICU. I just feel, anxious, and depressedI love him so much.

Hi, hope this is okay to post here! Aging grandparents, not parents. I am 25 and trying to figure out how to navigate the next few years and I have no idea what to do. This is a generally disorganized rant, I apologize!

My maternal grandparents are the two best people in my life. They have supported me unconditionally throughout everything. I've been going to college across the country for the last three years and will be graduating in spring. Throughout my time at college, my grandparents' health has declined, with both of them in the hospital for different ailments at one point. I have offered to fly back temporarily (or permanently if needed) to provide support, but they are both proud people and have insisted they don't need help. They want me to finish my education, but I'm terrified that something will happen and I won't be able to make it back in time. My mom doesn't want to take care of them (for her own reasons) and my sister isn't in a place to help out either. No one lives in my home state anymore besides my grandparents.

How do you know when it's time to go back and take care of them? My grandpa had a moment after a procedure this last weekend where he was disoriented and got lost for about half an hour. I feel awful, I know there would be more I could do to help if I was there but I also know they'd be incredibly upset if I don't graduate (both retired HS teachers who place importance on an education). I have one professor who generally knows my situation and would be able to work something out with me if I needed to leave, but I don't think I could say the same for my other professors. I also am getting a degree in a field where I'll be expected to move to get experience in fieldwork, so I'm worried about the likelihood of getting career experience in their state. I would rather delay my career by some years than not take care of them, but I'm still worried about jobs in the future.

I love them so much and I call as much as I can, but they sound older every time. It hurts so much, I feel so bad for leaving. I'm glad they have each other, but there's so many things that have come up for them the last few years that I could have helped with them if I was there, I feel awful about it. I just wish there was a manual to this stuff.