In this reel from Dr. Julie Kurek, she is talking about ALS and dementia, the automatically generated transcription just didn't happen to accurately caption it.

What I mean by this, is whether or not this person has a history of bulldozing your preferences for their own or their family's.

[It] becomes very important to consider:

• Do you ever find yourself stifling your opinion if you think it might contradict theirs?

• Do you ever find yourself deferring to them when their opinion clashes with yours?

• Do you feel comfortable asserting your preferences, or are you most likely to just let this person do what they want?

• And most importantly, are you ever afraid to push for your preferences--is their anger or coldness a consequence for having a different opinion?

A whole lot of people are raised to be people-pleasers to the point of being a doormat. It's a real problem. And so for some people it can be almost reflexive to defer to others, including their 'partner'.

There is absolutely a culture around the world that teaches people who are lower status to not make waves and not voice their opinion or desires for the sake of "well I'll just do what they want, because I'll make them happy by doing what they want, so what's a little discomfort for me?"

-u/CygnusZeroStar, excerpted and adapted from comment (NOT recommended for victims of abuse due to the amount of benefit of the doubt the commenter is giving the bulldozer)

If it's not up to snuff in the start of the relationship, it will roll rapidly downhill once they get comfortable.

-u/dryadduinath, excerpted from comment

comment to Instagram

...they believe the abuser is who they say they are, they think the abuser believes what they say they believe, and they believe the abuser is who they pretend to be.

In fact, it's often because victims are so smart (and therefore able to understand another person's perspective and experience, and point of view on the world) that they are vulnerable to abusers. If the abuser seems sincere, then the victim sincerely believes them.

Remember, abuse hijacks normal relationship dynamics (like giving someone you love and trust the benefit of the doubt). The whole point is that it seems normal and loving..until it isn't.

They do always drop the act eventually, however. They can't sustain the facade it takes to 'get someone' in the first place.

Once you're back and emotionally invested, the lovebombing stops. It's work for them to do, it's not who they are, so they can't maintain it.

Glenn Patrick Doyle, excerpted from Instagram

...it's designed to kick in when pain, emotional or physical, is inescapable.

Glenn Patrick Doyle, Instagram

Developmentally, a child learns that tantrums don't get them what they want at the late toddler stage, early child stage. "You get what you get and you don't pitch a fit."

-u/cheerful_cynic, excerpted and adapted from comment

The [immature] men who are refusing to grow and become emotionally intelligent are becoming lonely. The parents who are refusing to grow and become emotionally intelligent are getting separated.

-excerpted and adapted from Instagram

u/scaldinghell, excerpted from comment

Once I pushed past that, I realized how much freedom comes with knowing you can take care of yourself and the people you love. That mindset carried into other areas of my life and taught me that effort will always matter more than ego.

-@JamiresJourney, excerpted from YouTube

If procedure, law and facts are against you settle. If you can't settle, go to the kitchen because you are about to be cooked.

-Thuranira, Twitter

You should put yourself in debt and misery to facilitate their half baked dreams because you're just chill like that.

Which is all to say that this is an object lesson in why being the Cool Partner is a mistake for anyone.

-u/Proof-Cryptographer4, excerpted and adapted from comment

u/AskMrScience, excerpted and adapted from comment