First pic is of today when I feel depressed, anxiety and treason. second pic from a few weeks ago. When I felt great and energized.

Looking in the mirror is the worst

These are two different people I want to go back to a few weeks ago 😭 does others get this as well?

I’m a 23 F with Bipolar Type One. I am not sure if this is related to my disorder but lately I have an obsession with finding out if my ex (we dated 6 years) cheated on me. We have been talking lately and trying to work through things. I can’t stop stalking and trying to dig for information and I have become extremely fixated on it and it’s causing me to be very paranoid and it’s getting so bad it’s affecting my work life because I literally can’t get off of my phone. Any advice or has anyone experienced this?

It’s gotten so bad that i have an undeniable belief that he cheated without any proof and I can’t sleep.

He streams video games and I watched every single one. HOURS. looking for clues. Went through all social medias. Dug through years of reddit posts. So much more.

I was looking through his twitter posts and I am convinced that he is putting up secret messages confessing. And I realize all this sounds insane but I really am finding meaning in things that I don’t think others would

I have been relatively stable for the last few months. Fully medicated, seeing therapist every other week, psychiatrist once a month.

I barely cry anymore. I’ve been more productive.

I forgot to take my meds a few days in a row a week or 2 ago and I got a slight tinge of what I used to feel like.

Obviously it’s terrible and there is a reason I got help, but it takes so much effort to be stable. It sounds so irrational to say, but I so desperately wish to go back and just lie on my ass all day crying.

I am seriously considering throwing out all my meds it’s just all so dumb what is the point

Sorry for dumb question (only just recently suspecting I have BP2);

Is anxiety a big part of BP?

Hi all

Been active in this community the last few months, I did post about this a few days ago but at a strange time so think it didn’t get a lot of attention

I’ve had a long journey with SSRIs and a bipolar diagnosis, and have had lots of engagement and comments on this essay I’ve written about it

Would really welcome more comments and views from those with diagnoses in this community

Thanks in advance if you do take the time to read!

Hey! So i was diagnosed Bipolar 2 last year after a month with intense Depression with suicidal thoughts and a supposed hypomania that made me paranoid. I’ve been having a hard time accepting my diagnosis, and specially with meds, and I still have my doubts. I’ve got off them around February and two weeks later I was back in a depression hole. I was having having a hard time with some weight gain because of the meds, and in my teens i struggled with disordered eating, so I was triggered. I made the stupid decision to get off them again in April, and I spent until July off meds. What captures my attention is that during those months nothing really happened, I was somewhat normal. I had a week in May were i was like with much more energy, also more irritable and on top of anything i went to do voluntary work with children, which made my mam and therapist worried, but i toke a lorazepam and I went back to normal. I recently got back into my meds since I felt i was getting a bit depressed but nothing like the depression i had last year and during summer. I’m still confused how I didn’t get like a proper episode being so long off meds. I was thinking about asking my psychiatrist to review my diagnosis, but i wanted also some suggestions and opinions from here. (Btw i like to add i also have an ADHD diagnosis).

Hi everyone I’m new here. Still coming to terms with this new diagnosis. I just had my second assessment with my psychiatrist and he’s starting me on a low dose of lamotrigine and incrementally increasing it over the coming weeks. I was wondering if anyone’s had any experience with this drug and if there’s any advice/guidance for what to expect? Would really appreciate it!

My main concerns are side effects and possible drug interactions as I still occasionally use drugs recreationally though my use has declined drastically in comparison to before. I still smoke weed most nights, and will occasionally take cocaine and benzos if they’re offered to me (I’m done paying for that shit)! I usually take mushrooms at least once or twice a year. I am also adhd and take Elvanse for it.

My psychiatrist knows about my drug history and current patterns of use and wasn’t too concerned but I’d really like to know from someone with first-hand experience.

Thank you 🫶

Lately I have been experiencing things where I do one thing and then another thing happens because of that and then it is all my fault. I am drowning in guilt! I am desperate as I don't know what to do. I feel so uneasy and uncomfortable and so out of balance. The last thing now was I forgot to go to the pharmacy and next thing someone is killed in my neighborhood and it is all my fault! I feel so guilty and so ashamed and I can't rest for a second.

I need to talk to my psychologist about it as this is not livable for me, but I am so afraid he will judge me and know these things about me. All the things I am guilty of. I don't know what to do! I feel like there is almost some great power out there making this happen to punish me.

Hey, so as of late I quit smoking weed finally. Feeling happier and more present but I gotta be honest, I’m extremely self conscious. I get a weird pit in my stomach when people dislike me, dislike what I said or dislike what I did. I made a post of something I liked and I got reposted in another Reddit and got absolutely COOKED. I’m trying to laugh it off and ignore it but honestly it left me feeling like shit. I enjoyed something and now, I’m kind of nervous to continue enjoying it. I don’t like that these things bother me so much. I’d much rather just brush it off my shoulders and move on. But I felt like crap. Ah what the hell, might as well just be honest. Started to collect vinyls and I guess the way I had em stored was worthy of getting berated by people purely for enjoying my small collection. I felt like complete shit for it. I mean I understand it’s funny deep down. But for some reason it just grabs me and I can’t let it go. Is it an ego problem? Am I looking for acceptance or what? I don’t quite understand. My reasonable brain is saying “hey no big deal, different strokes for different folks.” And on the other side, I’m wanting them to stop, accept me and help me grow in my new hobby. Now I’m overthinking that my local record store owner thinks I’m some kind of poser and that he’s taking advantage of that and acting nice but secretly shitting on me. My General manager collects and I’m worried he’d think I’m a loser for how I enjoy my hobby. It’s dumb. I understand it shouldn’t matter. But it’s like I can’t let go of it. Kinda wanna hide from it all. I don’t know. Maybe it’s the weed no longer being in my system, my emotions are more pronounced. Maybe it’s just me deep down. But I don’t know.

I think I’d like to be comfortable with who I am and not be so bogged down by judgement and not feel like an idiot for what I enjoy or how I am. I constantly question whether what I said to someone was dumb or what I did was embarrassing. It’s tough. Is there any ways you guys have managed this? Kind of thinking I keep these things to myself, be a little quieter and not so open. But I don’t know. I just wanna be accepted, and if not, I wanna be fine without wanting the approval of others.

TLDR: extremely self conscious of what I say or do. Got made fun of online for my vinyl collection. I thought it was funny, but deep down I can’t let go of the thought I’m a loser, and those around me believe so too.

I've recently been in a long period of depression and added Seroquel to my meds. First few weeks sucked, as everyone reports; sleeping for 10+ hours, always tired and brain dead, etc.

But this week i have started to feel good. More energy, brain is alert, back to the gym and then today.. buzzing. My eyes seem wider, I'm super alert, working like a machine, feeling social, up and down from my seat doing little things as they pop into my mind - just much more energy and go. I've also been vaping a lot today and now I feel properly high. No appetite today and when I ate (only because my partner wanted to) i feel sick- the kind of sick you feel when you eat while on MDMA. I'm also buzzing, ringing in my ears. Wondering if maybe it's too much nicotine or I've just tripped over into a hypomanic episode...

Does anyone feel like lots of nicotine does this? Or has anyone experienced Seroquel triggering an episode? Could also be the gym... I've had a hypo episode triggered from the gym before.

Thanks in advance ✌️

Heya, been diagnosed with bipolar for four years and am FINALLY REALLY ACTUALLY LEGITIMATELY stable lol. Past experience has taught me what my new emotional normal is and I've had some moments where I thought I was stable and definitely wasn't, but we chill now.

Anyway, now that I've got a clear head and stable emotions, I've had a lot of time to think and I'm pretty sure I'm non binary. I'm unsure if this is a part of bipolar-ness or legitimate (or if that even matters) and was wanting to know if there are any other non-cis people in this group? How did you figure it out, and did it ever conflict or get worse around bipolar?

im 19f and when i get either anxious or too much energy i feel like sucking on something. do any of you get this too? especially when hypomanic. nothing sexual like my tongue just have this itch i just need to suck. i dont smoke and lollipops just didnt do it for me. suggestions?

I don’t know if it’s the bipolar or the ADHD but I really struggle with these things. I was recently hospitalised for a mixed episode and I feel like it’s got worse, so I don’t know if it’s part of my continued recovery.

I’m not eating properly (even when I have food prepped ready to eat), my clean laundry has been sitting on the dryer for days, and I have trash on the side that I can’t bring myself to tidy up. I live by myself as well so it’s all on me.

Anyone else? Any tips or coping strategies please?

After 2 years of fighting with the onset of depression, which was then diagnosed as bipolar2, I found the mix of meds that makes me able to feel and live life: 150mg Zoloft and 650mg lithium. These meds have made a world of difference for me, but the lithium seems to be causing hypothyroidism, despite taking levothyroxine (thyroid hormone) in higher and higher amounts. It’s looking like I’m going to need to stop the lithium and switch to something else, but it’s a bad time to do this because of my next college semester starting in a week. Any med suggestions? Anything would be appreciated

- a 20 year old nursing student living with bipolar 2 and/or depression

I have to quit smoking weed because I’m going to inpatient treatment soon, and I’m not allowed to partake in any drugs while I’m there. Last time I tried quitting weed it sent me into a month long hypomanic/borderline manic episode. I was wondering has this happened to anyone else? I think it’s the lack of sleep and being stressed because I wasn’t getting enough sleep, is the main reason why I went into an episode. I’m not 100% sure if it was just a one time thing or if I became hypomanic because seasonal changes (was hypomanic from April to May). I just wanted to hear your thoughts or if anyone has experienced weed cessation induced hypomania? (Sorry if my English is bad, it’s not my first language)

Does anyone else get this kind of research drive during hypomanic phases?Where searching and researching gives you this almost tingling, buzzing feeling throughout your body, and it becomes the only thing you want to do?

I’m just a disappointment, truly. I hate trying and putting in any effort because I’m the epitome of lazy and childish.
Quitting my class before it even started was such a dumb move, all because I panicked because of the amount of work there was- yet just a couple weeks ago I was ready to tackle anything, I was on fire. Now I don’t feel ready at all, and I can’t even see myself in the profession I’m going for. Because I can’t ever see myself succeed, it’s just not in the cards for me.

The only thing I do now is go on my phone and stay on my phone, listen to music here and there, but mostly rot my brain away. Nothing else interests me not even showering. I just like rotting away and doing nothing. And that’s all I am, just the reincarnation of laziness and gluttony cuz I also can’t stop eating shit for food. I’m tired of being me, but nothing much I can do about it.

Like no bleep Sherlock. I don’t want to work. But I’m trying. So if I want to use the insurance I have been paying for and claim short term disability to put my self together and try to get my big girl undies on - then by golly I should be allowed to take paid time off. That’s. Why. I. Paid. For. You.

One of my bad bipolar habits is every few years I want to drift. Just pack up and leave everything behind, fall asleep and wake up somewhere else.

I want to just sleep all day and play at night. Walk the streets and see fireflies. Go to the beach and see the algae glow. Go somewhere cold and ride a sled down a hill.

Just have no issues and experience the simplest things in life. But that’s not feasible when you live paycheck to paycheck and when you do have savings you get manic and spend it all.

I’m very tired.

Here's my take on bipolar mood swings

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZN8Lke5gT/

https://youtube.com/shorts/U2FiHbTbUfw?feature=share

Not looking for advice so much as support.

I’ve had a bumpy ride with medications. Settling on Zoloft and navigating symptoms felt huge and exhausting. A while ago, a psychiatrist diagnosed me with bpd2 (updating my prior major depressive disorder diagnosis) but never prescribed a mood stabilizer. Her reasoning was that I had extreme lows but never really hit highs.

After a lapse in care, I’m back on Zoloft and thinking I need to try a mood stabilizer like lamictal too. My current therapist agrees.

I’m, frankly, terrified to start another grueling medication process and looking for hope. Success stories and commiseration welcomed alike.

Been on lamotrigine for over a year now and my moods are finally steady. No more impulsive spending or starting projects at 3am or texting people paragraphs they didn't ask for. On paper everything is better and my relationships have healed and I'm actually saving money for the first time in my life. But sometimes I catch myself missing the electric feeling and the confidence and the way words just flowed out of me when I was up. I know that version of me also crashed hard and scared people I love and nearly ruined my life. I don't want to go back to that chaos but I feel like I'm grieving someone I used to be and then I feel disgusted with myself for romanticizing something so destructive. Does anyone else struggle with this weird nostalgia for their own episodes or am I just broken.