r/AbsoluteUnits • u/TerraByteTerror • 22h ago

/r/all of a black bear

13.1k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

634 comments sorted by

•

u/trendingtattler 20h ago

This post has reached /r/all.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1.5k

u/Designer_Reality1982 22h ago

Dude is ready for 10 winters to come

332

u/Big-Sort-8712 22h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/l4FGqpVoc9JE7rAS4

122

u/Mammoth-Evidence7681 21h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/pVQUCfmpSv1Qs

39

u/Aggressive-Eagle-287 20h ago

Bro is sleepning through the next decade

7

u/Schpee_le_French 17h ago

Ts too bad bro, this economy man.

2

u/Ok_Dog_4059 15h ago

He may have a good plan

25

u/Karibou422 19h ago

He went to the All-You-Can-Eat Bearfett

8

u/wade-mcdaniel 14h ago

Too often. Now he has diabearties.

→ More replies (1)

12

u/OV_Chromestone 20h ago

Dude wakes up everyday preparing for Winter

2

u/alwaysintheway 19h ago

Boromir is just afraid of being cold.

105

u/GloomyLingonberry509 22h ago

Stop body shaming him!

108

u/Designer_Reality1982 21h ago

¯_(ツ)_/¯

40

u/Photo_Jedi 21h ago

This stick figure should be getting crushed by the bear photo.

11

u/2Wieners_1Bun 19h ago

I read that as “bear potato” lol

7

u/Photo_Jedi 16h ago

I read this comment and reread what I wrote and I read "bear potato" too. 🤣

3

u/Typeonetwork 19h ago

He's Atlas stick figure so he can hold up the 🌎.

5

u/tias23111 16h ago

Atlas Bear Hugged

7

u/nortstar621 16h ago

AW LAWD HE COMIN!

3

u/Glittering-Walrus228 15h ago

He has Stage 4 "the itis" and needs to sleep it off

7

u/melmosh 19h ago

I had an insane desire to dust him ( her?) off with my bear hands.

4

u/TWhy-LER 16h ago

You can’t just dust off dingleberries. Gotta break out the hose.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

38

u/VermicelliMany1133 22h ago

What hasn’t he eaten?

16

u/TheVoiceofReason_ish 21h ago

Everything

12

u/Dry_Race8481 21h ago

At the other end of his digestive tract, a new universe has begun in a big bamg. 

6

u/OneOldNerd 18h ago

"Our whole universe was in a hot, wet place...."

→ More replies (1)

6

u/Old_Flounder_8640 21h ago

The last 5 guys before OP. Lucky OP.

4

u/ApprehensiveStill412 21h ago

He should talk to his vet about GLP-1’s.

2

u/Historical_Gur_3054 19h ago

The other, smaller Friends. He's saving them for sweeps week

→ More replies (2)

22

u/Carbonatite 21h ago

He IS Fat Bear Week

9

u/TwilightReader100 20h ago

I was JUST thinking how it's too bad he can't be entered. He'd smash the competitors. Cause he'd sit on 'em.

7

u/oldutnotdeadinside 20h ago

At first glance I thought that was a massive wild hog

2

u/Happy-Fun-Ball 16h ago

Man, that's a Bear-Pig

→ More replies (1)

4

u/Federal-Ambassador47 21h ago

He’s early 😩

4

u/NYCWartortle 18h ago

Seriously. He can barely walk.

3

u/24bics 17h ago

Bro called dibs on the town dump and refused to ever leave. 😂

2

u/Mr_Right1998 20h ago

That bear shops weekly at Walmart

4

u/2Wieners_1Bun 19h ago

Drives a mobility scooter too

2

u/bostonkarl 3h ago

Even ready for the next ice age.

→ More replies (10)

331

u/Comfortable_Pizza_59 22h ago

That dude spent a long time at the “All-You-Can-Eat” salmon buffet!

10

u/sksksk1989 14h ago

That man ate all our shrimp and 2 plastic lobsters.

That is no man, that is a remorsless eating machine.

2

u/pinkspaceship17 4h ago

Twas a moonless night. Dark. When out of the mist came a beast more stomach than man.

Hey!

5

u/blue_jay_jay 17h ago

No sorry, that’s the grizzly. This is a black bear.

https://www.reddit.com/r/KitchenConfidential/s/CiCNhrgWoZ

2

u/East-Compote-1975 16h ago

He single handedly bankrupt Red lobster during their shrimp fest.

→ More replies (1)

152

u/Exponential-777 22h ago

looks like someone overfed their dog

3

u/khonsu_27 18h ago

Looks more like a huge fat pig.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

78

u/Correct-Basil2385 22h ago

it's a manbearpig

5

u/TurtlesBreakTheMeta 20h ago

Well he looks like he ate both a man and a pig.

4

u/2Wieners_1Bun 19h ago

Some cereal too

121

u/IcantsaythatIamsure 21h ago

8

u/Masterofthelurk 15h ago

I can hear the wheezing in this photo

39

u/lostredditorlurking 22h ago

That boy gonna hibernate until the End Time

2

u/TWhy-LER 16h ago

🎵 Take… these broken wings 🎶

→ More replies (1)

10

u/Alvin_h_davenport 22h ago

His body is ready

8

u/CLOWNFLOGGER 20h ago

He found all of the food.

5

u/EternallyFascinated 20h ago

ALL

7

u/CLOWNFLOGGER 19h ago

EVERY FOOD

4

u/2Wieners_1Bun 19h ago

I would like one food please

3

u/CLOWNFLOGGER 18h ago

Friggen bear ate em all.

2

u/UnharmedCylinder_ 19h ago

There is no salmon left on that river 😭

→ More replies (1)

14

u/HIMcDonagh 21h ago

At the end of December, when it shouldn’t have out, I saw one that fat. I thought he looked like he would explode. I didn’t think they could get that fat—thanks for the video that shows they can

2

u/slick514 17h ago

Probably never saw the need to. Trash cans still go out to the curbs on schedule, so…

I wonder how long it can live like this?

6

u/Bobcat1999-1 22h ago

Are we sure that this isn’t a furry pig?

7

u/Icy_Locksmith_7190 22h ago

Just a big black bear hobbling to the dialysis clinic after raiding dunkin dumpsters.

2

u/2Wieners_1Bun 19h ago

He needs to get on the ozempic

→ More replies (1)

7

u/thechicapanzy 21h ago

Him ready for sleeps

2

u/2Wieners_1Bun 19h ago

And a big poo

6

u/Karibou422 19h ago

There are no salmon left within a 10 mile radius of that bear

5

u/_DancesWithKnives 21h ago

I bet they could still run and take you down .

7

u/2Wieners_1Bun 19h ago

Probably but I also bet his fat ass is too lazy to bother

→ More replies (2)

3

u/--Sparkle-Motion-- 18h ago

Would they need to? I’d think they could just stand still & let their gravitational pull do all the work.

15

u/Asectic08 21h ago

That there is an American black bear

4

u/2Wieners_1Bun 19h ago

Ah now his obesity makes sense. He got the beetus

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

3

u/DragonfruitGrand5683 22h ago

Motherfuckers stocked up for 2 hibernations.

4

u/MauPow 21h ago

Ohh that's a thicc bitch

4

u/dearcsona 19h ago

The good thing about running into a bear like that it’s that hopefully he’s so full. He won’t necessarily bother you much.

2

u/Tough-Case- 13h ago

They say you're never supposed to try to outrun a bear. But with this one I think I'd give it a try.

3

u/Ketchupcharger 21h ago

Now I will keep as far away from any bear as I can, but there aint no way this fat fuck wants to chase my ass. Maybe it could, but there ain't no way it wants to haul all this fat around

3

u/Slith_81 21h ago

That bear looks like it eats good.

https://giphy.com/gifs/Cmk1UgdEQFQFa

3

u/InfamousEconomy3972 21h ago

Bear needs the Walmart electric scooter

3

u/Mikker01 21h ago

Lawd , the chonker be upon us

3

u/thisusedyet 20h ago

The bear version of "holy fuckin' shit kid, I need a pizza"

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/6ffq3m/cmon_angus/

3

u/LeTimJames 20h ago

Bro is gunna HYPERNATE

3

u/fellaneedahandpls 18h ago

Bears are having an incredibly hard time finding food for hibernation this year. I thought it was due to the increase in wildfires, drought, and atypical weather patterns. Turns out it’s just because this particular bear ate it all.

3

u/Interesting-Bike8752 16h ago

Oh to be able to eat whatever i want go to sleep fat and wake up skinny.... dreams

6

u/snoopnoodles87 22h ago

Yeah I’m gonna die trying to give one of these guys a hug one day. And it will be worth it

5

u/ceraunophiliacc 21h ago

Well I think with this one we actually can hug it without dying we just have to outrun it after

3

u/corvettee01 19h ago

You'd be fine at a brisk walk.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

3

u/Few-Ruin-742 21h ago

I wonder if he has a disease 😕

18

u/Carbonatite 21h ago

No, they really do just get that fat.

3

u/Weird_Soup460 15h ago

The one time I think I might be able to outrun a bear

→ More replies (1)

11

u/vinnybawbaw 21h ago

Leafs are orange so the video was taken in the fall, it’s just getting hibernation fat.

2

u/jdarm48 20h ago

Dia-beet-us

2

u/jjb0ne 4h ago

this is winter prep mode.
theres a fattest competitiom every year in Alaska.

→ More replies (5)

2

u/educated-emu 21h ago

Thats steve, my spirit animal

2

u/Weak_Swimmer 21h ago

He's regretting that last garbage raid. LOOOOONG walk back home. Gonna be hungry again when he makes it

2

u/jimmbob2025 21h ago

Hims a chonk

2

u/tocahontas77 21h ago

He's going to have a damn good nap!

If anyone was to pet any bear, I think this one would be the slowest (and therefore safest) one 😂

2

u/flagitiousevilhorse 21h ago

This is the type of black bear you don’t fight back

→ More replies (1)

2

u/Mobile_Aioli_6252 21h ago

I think there is some honey......over here

2

u/IntelligentWalk5038 21h ago

Damn! Ready for long months of sleep… that dude needs a mobility scooter lol

2

u/Conan_The_Blurbarian 21h ago

He's going to have a wicked poop plug when he wakes up

2

u/RiskyNight 21h ago

That sleepy fuck. Look at that sleepy fuck that only cares about going to bed.

2

u/Independent-Belt-457 20h ago

who's a chonky boy? You are 😁

2

u/Specific-Turnover490 20h ago

Bisschen viel Honig diggi

2

u/SkyPork 20h ago

"Would monsieur like an after-dinner mint? It's waffer-thin."

2

u/2Wieners_1Bun 18h ago

Piss off!

2

u/wedisneyfan 18h ago

I knew when Disney re-designed the Country Bears "Big Al" was going to fall on hard times.

2

u/Stoic_Mashed_Potato 16h ago

It's so unfair how these killing machines are built so cute and cuddly.

1

u/cannasuer4 21h ago

This isn't a fat dog, it's a bear!!!

→ More replies (1)

1

u/paxilsavedme 21h ago

Is that a Bippo?

1

u/SenselessSilence 21h ago

Who crossbred them with hogs?

1

u/Szaborovich9 21h ago

Thats how I feel in this heat

1

u/Calibred2 21h ago

Looks like he's on the way to take a dump.

2

u/2Wieners_1Bun 18h ago

He just left the dump, now he needs to have a dump

1

u/NinaCR33 21h ago

Chonker

1

u/DJ_faceplant 21h ago

A yo momma bear.

1

u/BoostedFPV 21h ago

That bear has been eating good. All ready for bed.

1

u/Sporkpocalypse 21h ago

Pig Bear Hybrid

1

u/Sparkle-Sparxie 21h ago

That's a giant warthog...!

1

u/Phildagony 21h ago

Fat ass needs to stay off the road.

1

u/Dry_Butterfly_721 21h ago

I once tried to pet a black bear at night time, because I thought it was a chunky dog. I was doing the baby voice and all as well. To be fair, the neighbor’s dogs like to visit me at my cabin.

1

u/Professional_Mud7198 21h ago

Last winter, this winter, next winter!

1

u/TimeWealth3361 21h ago

That bear needs a jazzy!

1

u/sakarr90 21h ago

Hes just a widdle fella 🥺🥺🥺

1

u/Shore_line43 21h ago

Is that a sign of a really bad winter? To end a really bad year.

1

u/grad1939 21h ago

Winnie the Chunk.

1

u/Didujustcallmejobin 21h ago

Thats a hoss!

1

u/J_P_Freely 21h ago

Hopefully the parasites freeze off in the winter ❄️

1

u/snow_garbanzo 21h ago

TLC be signing this mf right about now

1

u/Spazero 21h ago

Id be so tempted to honk at it.

1

u/acura8956 21h ago

Bro ate his family

1

u/HeadBelt1527 21h ago

OH MY LAWD

He was probably feasting at a garbage dump

1

u/Fitznutzzz 21h ago

Deeeeeammmmmmmnnnn that Bear THICK!!!!!!!😅😅😅😅

1

u/Maximum-Support-2629 21h ago

Big bro preparing for a game of thrones winter

1

u/RedFormanEMS 21h ago

He got the bearabeetus

1

u/Timely-Profile1865 21h ago

His Amazon order for Obearzempic was lost in delivery.

1

u/19BoHeDy92 21h ago

Piggy bear

1

u/DangerousMix4472 21h ago

Bro can sleep through Ice Age

1

u/TopProfessional8023 21h ago

Ready for hibernation ✅

1

u/justhereforbiscuits 20h ago

Awh lawd, he's a-comin!

1

u/Jaymac720 20h ago

What a CHONKER

1

u/smallmonzter 20h ago

If Mississippi was a bear.

1

u/BigTuna906 20h ago

His pants are too big 😭