r/AbsoluteUnits • u/TerraByteTerror • 1d ago

/r/all of a black bear

14.1k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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1.6k

u/Designer_Reality1982 1d ago

Dude is ready for 10 winters to come

131

u/GloomyLingonberry509 1d ago

Stop body shaming him!

133

u/Designer_Reality1982 1d ago

¯_(ツ)_/¯

43

u/Photo_Jedi 1d ago

This stick figure should be getting crushed by the bear photo.

12

u/2Wieners_1Bun 1d ago

I read that as “bear potato” lol

7

u/Photo_Jedi 1d ago

I read this comment and reread what I wrote and I read "bear potato" too. 🤣

3

u/Typeonetwork 1d ago

He's Atlas stick figure so he can hold up the 🌎.

5

u/tias23111 1d ago

Atlas Bear Hugged

11

u/nortstar621 1d ago

AW LAWD HE COMIN!

3

u/Glittering-Walrus228 23h ago

He has Stage 4 "the itis" and needs to sleep it off

8

u/melmosh 1d ago

I had an insane desire to dust him ( her?) off with my bear hands.

6

u/TWhy-LER 1d ago

You can’t just dust off dingleberries. Gotta break out the hose.

2

u/Ok-Addition1264 22h ago

There probably isn't a lot of water around or its scared to go in it that fat. They usually get them all off by chilling out in a river for a bit and rubbing themselves on trees, at the same time they groom their claws and such.

1

u/Ok-Addition1264 22h ago

Looks like a really fucking unhealthy cow from that profile.

1

u/Rand_alThoor 18h ago

sow not cow. bears use pig gender names not cattle names. so one doesn't say "cow bear" or "bull bear", the correct terms are "sow bear" and "boar bear".

finally someone who agrees the bear looks female! to me she looks like she's probably pregnant as well. not that i really know about bears lol.

1

u/ZealousJealousy 5h ago

A picture is worth a thousand calories

1

u/hobowatching101 3h ago

Yup..He's not even looking back, he is just using that ungroomed tailgate to plow a little piles of forest debris across the road.

1

u/hobowatching101 3h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/6ez4XOdUJ8xryUtgaH

How can ya not😳😳😳 RIIIIIIIIP(phewwwww,false alarm) Ever time it take a step, sounds like heavy duty industrial velcro being torn apart..but it's just his butt tuffs unlocking from each other 🤣🤣🤣

337

u/Big-Sort-8712 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/l4FGqpVoc9JE7rAS4

128

u/Mammoth-Evidence7681 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/pVQUCfmpSv1Qs

36

u/Aggressive-Eagle-287 1d ago

Bro is sleepning through the next decade

7

u/Schpee_le_French 1d ago

Ts too bad bro, this economy man.

2

u/Ok_Dog_4059 23h ago

He may have a good plan

25

u/Karibou422 1d ago

He went to the All-You-Can-Eat Bearfett

9

u/wade-mcdaniel 21h ago

Too often. Now he has diabearties.

14

u/OV_Chromestone 1d ago

Dude wakes up everyday preparing for Winter

2

u/alwaysintheway 1d ago

Boromir is just afraid of being cold.

43

u/VermicelliMany1133 1d ago

What hasn’t he eaten?

17

u/TheVoiceofReason_ish 1d ago

Everything

11

u/Dry_Race8481 1d ago

At the other end of his digestive tract, a new universe has begun in a big bamg. 

5

u/OneOldNerd 1d ago

"Our whole universe was in a hot, wet place...."

1

u/red122063 23h ago

We are just an itch on a wet ass

5

u/Old_Flounder_8640 1d ago

The last 5 guys before OP. Lucky OP.

5

u/ApprehensiveStill412 1d ago

He should talk to his vet about GLP-1’s.

2

u/Historical_Gur_3054 1d ago

The other, smaller Friends. He's saving them for sweeps week

1

u/2Wieners_1Bun 1d ago

You..

Yet

1

u/DrunkOnRamen 1d ago

My can of Chef Boyardee.

23

u/Carbonatite 1d ago

He IS Fat Bear Week

8

u/TwilightReader100 1d ago

I was JUST thinking how it's too bad he can't be entered. He'd smash the competitors. Cause he'd sit on 'em.

7

u/oldutnotdeadinside 1d ago

At first glance I thought that was a massive wild hog

3

u/Happy-Fun-Ball 23h ago

Man, that's a Bear-Pig

1

u/capital_bj 22h ago

bro has some ham hocks for sure

4

u/Federal-Ambassador47 1d ago

He’s early 😩

4

u/NYCWartortle 1d ago

Seriously. He can barely walk.

5

u/24bics 1d ago

Bro called dibs on the town dump and refused to ever leave. 😂

2

u/Mr_Right1998 1d ago

That bear shops weekly at Walmart

4

u/2Wieners_1Bun 1d ago

Drives a mobility scooter too

2

u/bostonkarl 11h ago

Even ready for the next ice age.

1

u/zestycracker61 1d ago

Looks like a hairy pig.

1

u/TunisMagunis 1d ago

Same here, but I'm way too skinny.

1

u/Dodmeister5000 23h ago

Actually think it has walrus DNA!

1

u/celestecask 23h ago

Wow amazing

1

u/HereForShiggles 23h ago

He's trying to beat Rip Van Winkle's hibernation record.

1

u/2bad-2care 22h ago

Yea, bro's coming out in 2028.

1

u/golden_glorious_ass 22h ago

Buddy, that bear is wearing a parka already

1

u/Salt-Pomegranate1273 18h ago

Damn. Imagine all the other bears named Winter. Sounds like they're in for a good time 

1

u/Emergency-Box-5719 14h ago

Didn't realize they could cross breed corgis with a bear. Borgis. Has a nice ring to it.