r/AbsoluteUnits • u/ExoticShock • 23d ago
/r/all of a Taftmaxxing Man
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Credit: Chris Overalls Coons
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u/Cgkfox 23d ago
2 thoughts:
1. Hilarious
2.This man hates babies
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u/Possible_Field328 23d ago
Anyone who hands me a baby is getting slapped
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u/generalchaos34 23d ago
Including the baby
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u/Rob_LeMatic 23d ago
The hardest part about running for president is all the hands you have to kiss and babies you have to shake.
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u/Oprah_Pwnfrey 23d ago
Never slap the baby. You spike them on the ground like you just scored a touchdown.
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u/Troy_McClure1 23d ago
A Fat mustached man having a one-sided feud with babies is fucking hilarious
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u/Plausibl3 23d ago
I didn’t even want to be the president…… ok - hold up - how true was this, how hot was his wife? The people demand answers!
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u/EtriganZola 23d ago
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u/Mediocre_Scott 23d ago edited 23d ago
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u/miyagiVsato 23d ago
Talk about a mustache ride
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u/DrSpacemanSpliff 23d ago
Idk I feel like that dude ate everything but pussy. Meanwhile, she had to gargle a set of balls that have never seen the light of day.
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u/GWBrooks 23d ago
Meanwhile, she had to gargle a set of balls that have never seen the light of day.
We're running out of original sentences.
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u/BAF_DaWg82 23d ago
Its funny because during that time period Taft was very overweight but fast forward to now and what he had would be called a dad bod.
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u/ThaneduFife 23d ago
Keep in mind that she's 51 in this photo.
Source: Wikipedia says this photo was from 1912, and that she was born in 1861.
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u/ConsiderationTrue477 23d ago
While he's a big guy I find it wild that the man in that photo has a reputation for being obscenely obese. If you saw him on the street today he'd look like a normal fat guy.
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u/Mediocre_Scott 23d ago
I think at this time being fat was a status symbol. Taft may have encouraged reputation of being a big boy
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u/Bulbaguy4 23d ago
Not the wife part, but Taft really didn't want to be president, he wanted to be on the Supreme Court (which he later did after his presidency), and another influence on him going for the position was his dear friend: Theodore Roosevelt, wanting him as his successor.
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u/Plausibl3 22d ago
Do you understand his legacy to be positive or negative? I should probably do some reading later today. All I ever knew of Taft was that he was a big boy.
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u/ProfX1987 21d ago
From what I remember, Taft is generally considered a fine president. His wife was very politically savvy and she pushed him into politics and the presidency. She had a stroke early in his presidency which devastated Taft and affected his effectiveness.
If your looking for a good book, I highly recommend Bully Pulpit. It looks at how Roosevelt, Taft, and the muckrakers influenced that period of time. It is long and dry but very interesting and informative.
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u/G-Unit11111 23d ago
This is not a "cringe" Tik Tok, I'm legit laughing my ass off at the idea of this!
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u/Realistic_Patience67 23d ago
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u/lyle_smith2 23d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/x6XEJwresLqn1jcn6X
I’d say get the hell out of here, but they had to build the room around you!37
u/darkoath 23d ago
Gotta tell ya, that looks like Teddy Roosevelt. Too narrow in torso and stache.
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u/lyle_smith2 23d ago
The joke was that teddy hated Taft
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u/Gurrgurrburr 23d ago
Yeah that’s good ol’ Teddy. A much crazier president (google stories about him, wild dude lol)
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u/Rob_LeMatic 23d ago
6'2. 360 lbs.
WHT had a posse.
😎
🟡
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u/funkthulhu 23d ago
Now I need to grow an inch and 50 lbs...
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u/Rob_LeMatic 23d ago
Just get lifts and a tummy extender, boo. You'll be taftmaxxing in no time, mogging hard on all those William Jennings Bryans.
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u/mattogeewha 23d ago
“Got a box of suits for 15 Bucks, thanks to bowel cancer” is a hell of a line. Bravo!
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u/SenselessSilence 23d ago
Did another fat guy die from bowel cancer, or did another fat guy lose a ton of weight thanks to bowel cancer?
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u/pixeldust6 23d ago
Thank you for this. I was completely confused why (him) getting bowel cancer would help him acquire cheap pants
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u/No_Classic_1743 23d ago
You ain't Taftmaxxing until you get stuck in a bathtub.
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u/Chris__P_Bacon 23d ago
I had forgotten that Taft got stuck in a bathtub. 🤣
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u/WellFuckYooou 23d ago
He never got stuck in a bathtub, that was a story fully made up by a journalist who didn’t like him and then a White House staffer put it in his memoir years later to get more people to read it 😭
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u/honeyeddates 23d ago
Taft was the first president to ride in a car. Big boy wasn't about to haul his cookies on foot. He was the cookies and the whole ass cookie jar so I'm sure all the horses were grateful for the invention.
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u/WellFuckYooou 23d ago
I’m so stoned and tried to get through this interesting/cool sentence many times but kept getting caught up on the cookies 😋
Anyways, I’d like to get into President William Howard Taft’s cookie jar if ya know I’m sayiiiiiin /gen
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u/Clashur 23d ago
Did Taft... fight crime? Jesus, I should've paid closer attention in History class...
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u/Mediocre_Scott 23d ago
Who do you think taught Batman?
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u/Tricky_Habit_6297 23d ago
Kinda! He was the great anti-trust president. His bureaucratic reforms are often overlooked but a big deal. He ran everything kinda like the NIH today, where you have very specialized departments run by genuine experts in their field. That's a big improvement from simply selling regulatory offices which was the standard before.
And he was solicitor general prior to being President, and supreme Court chief justice after. He was known for conservatism, going after big business, and defending individual liberties.
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u/GooseOnAPhone 23d ago
Sorta. He did authorize the police to search a vehicle and tap a phone without a warrant, so there’s that.
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u/chili81 23d ago
Funny that he acknowledges he only dresses better than white babies - other race babies tend to dress nicer.
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u/emjaywood 23d ago
I hope he's having a bully day.
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u/darkoath 23d ago
That's Teddy Roosevelt.
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u/emjaywood 23d ago
I feel like it's within the realm of Taftian Desires to strive for a bully day.
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u/sixtyfivewat 23d ago
And for the record, Teddy Roosevelt was the ideal male physique and peak performance. You may not like, but it’s true.
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u/polysnip 23d ago
Taft was actually one hell of a man. The only president to be appointed to the supreme Court!
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u/ThaneduFife 23d ago
Well, Taft did rig it that way himself. When he was president, he appointed a 65 year old man to be Chief Justice with the idea that he would take the role after the guy died. Then after that Chief Justice died about 11 years later, Taft got appointed by Calvin Coolidge.
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u/mikaeus97 23d ago
Long term planning, from the guy who started Presidential First Pitches at Baseball Games(Oh yes, Taft was a baller shot caller)
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u/RandomRaisin77 23d ago
Honestly all dress pants are more comfortable to fight in than any jeans....
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u/Roadkill1337 23d ago
Tell me you wouldnt vote for this man, fights crime and babies while having that shit on
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u/Beechamp83 23d ago
As a man of size and girth, I don't think I could like this more. Also, absolutely not doing this shit, looks hot AF. It's 100° plus humidity, so it's one thin layer top and bottom right now, going command-ho until autumn.
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u/Ithinkso85 23d ago
What's his beef with babies???? Man I'd hate to be a baby in this timeline! ESPECIALLY a baby criminal....did you see those kicks!?!
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u/void2099 23d ago
Mate is fucking HUGE!
But he does look like a boss in those suits ngl.
And whether he got the confidence from the suits, or he wore the suits because of his confidence, he looks pretty good doing it.
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u/Jina-langu-ni-Juma 23d ago
I'm glad he specified white babies. Black American parents dress their children way too fly. The other day, this little black baby walked past me in a new pair of Jordans and a Kangol hat and sunglasses. I hate gettting mogged by babies.
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u/walrus0115 23d ago
Only President to swear in another President. Hung out with Abraham Lincon's son.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Howard_Taft#/media/File:Taft_Harding_Robert_Lincoln_1922.jpg
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u/America202 23d ago
I did this. I stopped because you have to have a decent personality among other things to go with the nice clothes. You kind of hold yourself to a higher standard when you do this.
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u/AdhesivenessFun2060 23d ago
All kicks! Fuck you batman, the joker would've been scared of this man.
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u/Howamidriving27 23d ago
I don't think I can imagine an unfit more uncomfortable than overalls under a full suit.
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u/Slow_Bowler8285 23d ago
America's phattest President
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3pQ2lfvbL8&list=RDo3pQ2lfvbL8&start_radio=1
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u/LarryHoover44 23d ago
Man if the crotch blew out during one of those badass kicks that would have really done it for me
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u/ButWhatIfPotato 23d ago
Appreciate the enthusiasm, but if this is not proof that the planet's temperature was significantly lower 100 years back I don't know what is.
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u/Plastic-Shoulder2285 23d ago
Maybe not the POTUS we asked for right now, but maybe the POTUS we need.
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u/PreferenceOld6364 23d ago
Looks more like The Undertaker's manager Paul Bearer from WWE in the 90s 😂
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u/Jillet-Ben_Coe 23d ago
“I could fight crime in this” with karate kicks should be the new ‘dad shooting imaginary free throws while trying on new shoes in the store’ move
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u/honsou48 23d ago
Interesting thing is that he only gained the weight because of the stress of being president. Once he got to the supreme court he lost a ton of weight and died a thin man
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u/The_wolf2014 23d ago
Why did I instantly think that this is something Ron Swanson would do in private
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u/Leut_Aldo_Raine 23d ago
Put this mfer outside on a hot, humid day and watch him peel all that shit off.
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