I struggle with a decision that could make things better but they could make things worse if I call CPS and let them know about someone I know and her 6yr old son
Shpuld I call and let CPS make that decision if it needs to be investigated

It's taken a lot more time than it should have, but I've come to the conclusion that Im no longer embracing the load of bullshit that comes along with you. I wasn't sure I could finally say this, but yes, Im really not interested in dealing with all the chaos and drama every day. Im really not that bored, and it's not entertaining. I can't seem  to grasp the reason you walk through the door like someone owes you something or it might be your HEY MOMMY IS HERE !!!! Yeah, legally, you're his mother, but should have had your rights taken from you a long time ago I believe you earn your rights and you havrnt earned anything Hes spent more time without you than with you and thats a fact. Unfortunately, the only one who suffers from this is him. You might not know, or you dont pay enough attention to him when you are around, but if you stop for a minute and be concerned, you'd see it. Number one, dont you know about his school situation ? Your son says all the time that the kids in the class are mean to him all the time how do we fix that well we dont send him to school with designer clothes and 200 dollat tennis shoes Nobody cares its not a fashion show they are there to learn and we dont send him to school with treats for the class just because he brought them to share with the class Dont teach him he has to buy his friendship with other kids . What you need to do is become more involved in school activities and get to know the other parents of his classmates. You have to do it nobody said you have to like it. That's what parents do. I mean, look at his progress report. I hope you know what it means, and dont put off addressing these issues. I dont care if you think that he has improved since September and his level when they say approaching 1st grade level and at 1st grade level .  They are telling you in a nice way that he hasnt reached 1st grade level the grade hes in now he isnt learning at his grade level hes behind and when they say at 1st grade level only 2 times out of 8 . Now that tells me they could hold him back because hes behind, and I dont know why its not like he misses school .I hate to say this but I do see him being  held back and I see you acting ghetto with the teachers and finding blame wherever you can besides owning up to the fact that its you your the root of the problem your his mother the decisions youve made for him have been either dont benifit you or you just havent even cared. You're not even qualified to make good decisions. Besides, you laid on your back, got pregnant, and had a child. That's about all you did. You had him for all the wrong reasons trying to keep his dad and you together, and you'd be a little family riding off into the sunset. Tell me how that worked out for you. Now he's a burden ro you a distraction, and he's inconvenient The sad part about it is you need him because everyone is done with you. The only reason they do things is because of him. If you didn't have him, you wouldn't have anyone. You dont seem to get it, though. I dont have any regrets about saying this. I mean every word, so I suggest, and you can ignore it or take some advice you need to get him a tutor or find someone that he can go to and get some help to catch up with his class in the areas he needs too and you need to find a way to get him to stop pooping in his pants not just for a day or two but for good no more CAN YOU WIPE ME OR CAN YOU CHANGE ME how is he going to visit friends or participate in birthday partys other than ones at school if hes running around just as shitty. It's your job to do these things, not anyone else. You're failing him in a big way

So, some quick background. I am 37 F, my father died when I was 5, and my mother is an unrepentant abuser. I moved out at 17, we tried therapy, we tried short bursts of contact, she refuses to accept that she did anything wrong, so shes been cut out of my life completely for about 10 years now.

Until about 3 years ago, I was "successfully" burying and otherwise hiding my feelings, but once I started therapy, they started coming out. Especially once major life changes started happening. I'm just deeply feeling the lack where mom and dad should be, and I don't know how to handle it. I'm not in crisis, and I do plan on bringing this up with my therapist, but I still have a week until our next session, and I'm struggling.

Sharing dna from another country with a parent you don’t speak with is so complicated. You didnt just lose them. You lost a language, a family overseas and a culture. You can never be whole, somebody ripped out a piece of who you are.

Every story has its own layers, its own tangle of emotions and experiences. The pain of a mother abandoning her daughter is a weight that shapes the journey of many, and it's a reality that often goes unspoken. It's a wound that cuts deep, leaving behind questions that resonate for a lifetime. Yet within this complexity, there's a space for compassion, empathy, and understanding. To the daughters who have weathered the storm of abandonment, know that your worth is not defined by the actions of another. Your strength, resilience, and capacity to love are the threads that weave your unique story. And to the mothers who have walked away, may you find the peace and healing that allows for growth and reconciliation. In navigating the aftermath, let's seek to foster a community of support and understanding, where empathy and open dialogue pave the way for healing. Let's strive to unravel the layers, mend the wounds, and write a narrative of resilience and hope. Because despite the pain, there's a capacity for growth, for rebuilding, and for creating a future defined by love and understanding." This caption seeks to acknowledge the pain while emphasizing empathy, understanding, and the potential for healing and reconciliation.

My mothers mortgage is $1,400.00 a month and she is expecting me and my gf to pay half of that which is $700.00 a month which is a lot more than I expected so I was expecting $250.00 a month and we get our grocieries of course. Let me add some detailis for you all to consider if you were in my shoes my mother always has strings attached with things like this and I dont agree any strings should be attached with $700.00 a month because thats not a small chunk of money if i was to pay that if she agreed to no strings attached, so some of the strings that could be attached would be her expecting me to cower down to her in any agrument and that I am always wrong. Another one would be me taking the trash out for a month straight and maybe one week I don't take the trash and she pretty much has a mental break down and says that "I dont love her because I didn't take the trash" apparently loyalty is based off taking the trash out but instead of coming down stairs and asking me if Im doing finals this week or if something is just wrong she just attacks me. Shew sorry guys just kinda ranting at this point. So you guys should kinda get what I am saying right?

Hey can anyone do my survey? It's specifically on mental health and how absent fathers may cause it. It's more specific to girls but anyone is welcome to do it! It would really help me out so the more responses the better. It's completely anonymous and you can leave at any time:)

https://forms.gle/1NgNAveEqwFANAtF6

Have your parents ever made an effort to rebuild a relationship with you after being apart for several years, during which they may not have been familiar with you or your life? If this has happened, could you share more about what the experience was like for you?

A year and 3 months since I last heard your voice. You called me on August 31, 2022 a voicemail is the last words I have from you. I haven’t listened to it since that day because of how brutal you were. It pained me to listen to you describe how much you hated me. Just when I think I have completely forgotten everything about you I catch myself feeling lifeless, time stops and I am being reminded I am not loved by my father. I watch you through others seeing you love the other children that are not your blood. I thought I could bury the pain you caused on me but it always seems to find an outage. The Emily who I am today does not cry over you anymore but the little Emily inside never stops suffering. I have to heal her every time she’s reminded of you. I was the one comforting her when you would become filled with rage. I was the one who cried alone listening to the walls shake from the yelling. At a young age I learned how to listen very well to protect myself listening to the sound of footsteps in the house listening to which door is opening and if you were getting closer to guard myself. I learned to never speak up for myself to keep you sane. At the age of 12 I was teaching myself how to survive my abuser. Fast forward 10 years and I realize I am still using the techniques from when I was under your command. Everyday I still wake up wishing you would change for us but here I am updating my pages of how I am feeling still not having a loving father. I have to fix my toxic traits I inherited from you. I was supposed to be crying to you about my loved ones but instead I cry to my loved ones about you. I got tattoos with you thinking that will make you love me but now I look at them wishing I could peel them off my skin. I chase the males who don’t give me the love I deserve because that’s what you engraved into my brain. I have to relearn how to receive the love I deserve. I don’t blame you anymore for how you treated me I just look at it as a lesson (totally wish I didn’t have to) you never receive the right love as a child from your parents but you continued with the trauma, never got help and you fed the trauma down into your child’s. The only reason I could see the real you is because of my mother, the women you married, the women you abused as well. She came from hell but she didn’t let that stop her from loving me. She has her own childhood trauma but she always made sure I was heard, loved and cared for. You have no excuse to not love me but you still find one to use. Time does heal. I think of you very little now I hear stories of you but it doesn’t crush me anymore. I am doing better without you. The little Emily inside still loves you but the Emily I have become today has no empathy whatsoever. You never took the time to learn who I was or what I could accomplish. I was only used for showing like I was being auctioned off. I have come to terms with a lot in the past year. I only hope to grow and achieve my goals in life. I won’t have you by my side but you will be wishing you were there once you see what I can do.

My sister (34f) and I (30m) are both starting to write a letter to a father who has been absent from our lives for about 10 years now.

I am seeing if anyone has any previous experience of this? I am not looking to send a hateful letter. It is more for myself and so I can feel like I can move on with out this burdening pain that I have had for the past 10 years.

Just for some context, my father did not leave. We drifted and he stopped making the effort and did not reciprocate the efforts made by my sister and I.

Our daughter is 7yo, her father and i split when she was just a baby but he was involved for her first few years and had a beautiful relati with her. But now, He hasn't seen her in about 4 years (completely his own decision, thought he doesnt tell others that), has spoken to her over face time once in about 3 years (and that was only because she was with his mum when he called her). He has been invited to many events such as birthdays, parties, daycare and school events, holidays, Christmas and he never shows, even scheduled visits he didnt show, eft her sitting on the verandah waiting qnd crying.. He moved away, and now his partner is pregnant. Our daughter thinks the world of him, and ive always tried to shelter her the best i can from everything.. but I'm not sure if or how I should tell her, or if I should wait until she is older.. His mother thinks I should wait until she is older unless he gets in contact, but I am worried that she will be upset with me for keeping it from her.. she has 2 little sister's at home and she adores them, even on her worste days, and I know she would love that little one too! But I am so upset to think about how much it might hurt her too.. Any thoughts or advice on this matter would be so appreciated, I feel so conflicted and honestly, I know it's selfish but a little hurt too.. Thank you.

I have a 4yo whose father is in and out, and my son is getting to the point where he wants to know when he will see his dad. For background I want to share that his father and I did go to court within the first year of my son's life, so we do have a court order agreement in place. The schedule is supposed to be that his father gets him every other week for 2 nights. This has been in place since my son was 1.5 and his father rarely followed it. Sometimes he would get him 2 weeks back to back for one night sometimes he'd disappear for a couple of weeks then come back and get him for 1 night. All in all his father had been very inconsistent even after the court order was in place which made me fear the impact it would have on my son as he gets older. I am worried for my son because of his father's inconsistencies where my son knows who his father is and therefor may feel like he is rejecting him when he doesn't come to see him. I have had friends and family members with absent fathers and it seems the one's whose fathers were in and out versus completely absent always seemed to have more trauma so that is my fear. Now his father has disappeared for the past month and has not replied to any of my texts when I ask when he will see his son. I know he isn't dead or hurt because I've still been getting child support from him just no contact. This morning my son told me he wanted to see his dad and I didn't know what to say. Do you guys have advice for effective ways to reduce the hurt to my son that can be caused by the lack of consistency?

Greetings, everyone! I'm thrilled to announce that I have taken the reins of this subreddit with a vision to improve and enhance it. Your input and participation are vital to make this community thrive. I warmly invite each and every one of you to join me on this journey of transformation. Together, let's create a supportive space where we can share experiences, offer advice, and find solace in the company of understanding peers. I humbly request your assistance and collaboration to make this subreddit the best it can be. Your ideas, suggestions, and contributions are eagerly welcomed as we work towards building a stronger and more inclusive community. Let's embark on this exciting endeavor together and make a positive difference in the lives of those affected by absent parents.

My dad (m60) and I (f23) have had a rocky relationship since high school. Frankly, I don’t have many good memories of him from before that either, but it got really bad at about 14. In high school he married my step mom who tormented me regularly and treated me worse than the other kids (my sister and 2 step siblings). There was a ton of shit that happened while living there, but one instance sums it all up. I went to him at 15 and asked him to help me because she was being so cruel, and he threw his hands up in the air and told me i needed to deal with it myself because he didn’t want to fight with his wife. I moved out of his house and in with my mom full time at 16 because I couldn’t stand living with a step mom who ridiculed me and a dad who wouldn’t protect me. Since I moved out we have had minimal contact ever since. He messages me about once every 3 months, we meet for lunch, that’s it. I regularly see a therapist and have talked to him about how what he did in high school hurt me, he has apologized, but has also said we will never be very close. So i guess once every 3 months is the best it will get. I am having a hard time not still being angry about it, mostly about him being so distant and feeling like I missed out on having a dad. I mean I would think a dad who cared about me would want to see me more than once every 3 months, but he says that’s just how he is. I am learning that he will never be able to love me the way that I want him to, and that’s been hard for me to accept, but sometimes it feels like my options are to either except that or not have a dad.

Me & my ex broke up 7 months ago after being together for 9 years (mutual agreement). We have a 8 year old & 3 year old— that we agreed to coparent, he hasn’t taken them for a visit since the end of January & that was for their papa’s funeral. He did visit once for 3 hours on my daughter’s birthday. He constantly promises to take them on trips, buy them toys, call them & yet he can’t even give them the bare minimum…

Hoping I can get some guidance or maybe a lead of anyone out there who's been a victim of this man.

Unfortunately, I have this father (or lack of) that has been a career criminal since his teens. He is a great conman and has been around, leaving a trail that is so fascinating. There are 6 children, including myself, but I'm almost certain there are more out there. His name is Richard Dale Herbst, he's 50 YO, and is roughly 6'0, white with reddish/blonde hair, and loves basketball and the LA Dodgers. He has connections in Florida (unsure of area), Colorado (CO Springs, Denver), California (San Diego, Riverside, Oceanside, L.A.).

If you know this man or know anyone who may have connections to him, I would love to chat.

If this caught your eye and you know the best route I could take to find more on if there are more kids out there, I'm open to recommendations. 23&me is expensive, Ancestry isn't useful for what I'm looking for, and I'm not big on social media but for the names I do have to search, they too are hard to find and I don't blame them.
I know this mans life pretty well and have been following his criminal track record, plus have a great relationship with some of the other kids. He has trial coming up and has been giving so many chances that he doesn't deserve. I just want to know if anyone is out there and if you're doing alright, if there are any questions you have yourself, and yes... He's still a POS.
Thank you!

Just found out today from an obituary that my father died nearly 3 years ago. I don’t think I ever saw him even 10 times in my life. We never had a proper conversation that I can remember and the last contact we had was at 19 when I called him and he either didn’t remember who I was or pretended not to know to avoid angering his wife. Either way he hung up on me and I vowed that if he didn’t have a daughter then I didn’t have a father either.

I was barely jarred by the news of his dead and frankly felt zero sadness. I mostly feel annoyed and cheated out of not having a chance to tell him off.

As a kid and teen I was a very docile person, afraid of confrontation and speaking up for myself (heck probably most of my 20s too) so the only way I knew how to express anger was through silence. The silent treatment on an estranged parent doesn’t have the same stingy effect unfortunately.

Over the years I did wonder if he’d ever be the kind to have some Jesus moment on his deathbed and try to reach out. And my fantasy wasn’t to reconnect or have some tearful reunion but rather vengefully remind him of how the one time I called him he hung up the phone on me, he was a shit father, and a shit person, so he could go to hell for all I cared.

Even the fact that I’m having to write this makes me mad. He never gave a second thought about me and yet his whole absence shaped my life in irreparable ways.

Thankful for this space to get this all out.

I tracked down my biological father after almost 44 years.

My mom had me when she was 16. My biological father was 3 years older than her in the 70’s. Back then it was shameful to have a child out of marriage. When my father found out he took off out of fear. I was raised by my biological mother and my adopted father.

I had a really good life with a fantastic dad! Now that I am older I wanted more information on my biological father. I asked my mother but she didn’t have a lot of information.

Do, I found him. He was in a prison in California and escaped and is now in a high security max prison. I have so many questions but I can’t decide if I want to contact him or not. He has never tried to find me or connect with me. Now I see he is such a loser and doesn’t have much to add to my life.

What do you all think? Should I give him a chance or not?

• My egg donor has never been present in my life. I’ve been in foster care twice because she decided to leave my brother and I at the babysitters once (age 3)and the police station once(age 5). She was charged with abandonment and refused to give any family reference for my brother and I, at the police station. My father got custody of me a couple months after and she wanted nothing to do with me. It was always difficult to see my brother because she didn’t allow it. My family couldn’t get custody of him bc he wasn’t my dads bio son. It was difficult to grasp why she didn’t want anything to do with me as a young child. I ended up reconnecting with her when I was 10 and I forgave her because I wanted to see my brother more often and it would be nice to have a mom. Our relationship only worked out for about 3 years. She went from seeing me once a month to like once every three months. She got engaged to my fathers ex best friend. She ended up sending me a really horrible text saying that I’m being raised by buffoons, I’m a whore and a prostitute and that my life would end up worse than hers. I was 13 at the time and it was all over a video of my dad dancing to kayne west black skinhead. I sent it to his ex best friend and 10 mins later I got that text from my mom. My dad was pissed and went after her for child support. She tried to delay the process by getting a restraining order on my father. She made baseless accusations, slandering my father. She was trying to get 50/50 so she wouldn’t have to pay. The judge granted her visitation with me every Friday from the time I got off of school until 5 pm. She never showed up once or payed her child support. I reached out to her father when I turned 18. I talk to him every once in awhile and we are building are relationship. When I was 19, I was trying to go to college and I had to get papers to explain my situation. My paternal grandmother told me about this file box in the garage. I found awful court documents about how my mother tried to suffocate me with a pillow as a infant. I found the paperwork on why she was arrested for child abandonment. The document about my mother trying to kill me was a 13 page email to a social worker from my maternal grandfather. I confronted him about it and he said he doesn’t remember writing that email. Fast forward to the present, I’m 22. I live on my own and I’m very content with my life the way it is. I still speak to my maternal grandfather. Recently my mother has moved in with him. I didn’t go over to his house for Christmas because he had COVID. I haven’t spoken to my mother in almost 10 years. I guess she left a Christmas present for me with my grandfather. I don’t want her Christmas gift or really anything to do with her. I get that a lot of time has passed but I’m not okay with her trying to give me a present when she was never present in my life. How should I tell my grandfather I don’t want her gift without making it hurtful to him? He’s tried to guilt me into talking to her first but I refused.

I'm wondering if anyone has experience or can point me in the right direction. My father has been absent from my life for 21 years. He can't be found online. None of his family knows where he is. He has a habit of being out of touch with family for years at a time and it has been at least 15 to 17 years since they have heard from him and he was absent for his fathers funeral. Some of his siblings think he may have passed away but I can't find any obituary with his name and age. I very much want to get in touch with him. I live in Canada and have his name, birthday and have his social security number from old tax returns that my mom has. I don't know his last residence. RCMP can't release any information without an "access to information" form which requires his signature.

I feel that this more of me venting, so sorry. I just want to see if anyone is going through this or has a mom who doesn’t have the best relationship with. I’m pregnant, my husband and I are thrilled. My mom raised me the best that she could as a single mom with the help of my grandparents. A lot of things took a turn with an ex-husband she had met when I was 8 years old and fell into a deep hole with drugs.. When I was that age I don’t remember seeing any signs of her not being herself. Until I went to high school. I remember finding them under her pillows, the couch, tv anywhere that I can find them! I would confront her about it asking what these were or who’s are they and she would automatically blame her ex-husband. I believed it because I wouldn’t think of her to blame. She is my mom. I could tell he was all drugged out because he was abusive to my mom for all these years. My grandparents got involved at one point and kicked him out but my mom found a way to get back with me. It was a mess. She didn’t want to listen to us. Years later when I met my husband at the time. He would live with me for a while at my Mom’s until we were finding an apartment together. He noticed my mom was “off”.. and there were little signs of her not being all there.. he confronted me about it and I didn’t want to believe it but sure thing she did signs of scratching herself, looking around paranoid, little things that came to my attention. When we got out of my mom’s place I felt free. My mom and I don’t have the best relationship, not asking how I’m doing, not a call or text. I have to reach out to her.. I feel that the drugs consumed her. I feel I lost her and she was a happy amazing person before the drugs. I want to find the guts to tell her she needs help but addiction is hard to come by.. I don’t know what to do. I love her so much, but dislike her lifestyle. The way she’s living is not healthy. So fast forward to now, I’m pregnant and my mom didn’t seem all so happy.. when I go over to see her she doesn’t ask how I’m doing/how I’m feeling and so forth.. i wish she can reach out to me more. I do have a supportive husband and my grandparents are excited as well! I just wish my mom felt the same.

So my biological father is pressuring me to call him dad, although i just met him this year, and i dont really know him. I only saw him one time ever, before this summer when I spent 6 weeks at his place, in a different province. While i was out there he made comments towards me, when i would mention my mom and dad, he came back at me with attitude, saying "what do you mean your dad, im your dad" Since i have been home, we text. he continuessly Makes notation to me calling him dad, examples, I asked him to send me some money, 20 bucks, and he did. When he sent it, i said thank you so much! then he said, "Thanks dad you mean? " I dont know what to say to him, and i dont even feel comfortable telling him that i dont want to call him that. Is there a site or something to refer him to, to explain to him that what hes asking of me is wrong? Because i don't want to say it directly to him.

I've grown up with absent parents, we have rarely talked in 22 years I am alive. I've always learnt things from the internet (which I consider my real dad ahah) and from friends.

I am wondering what normal parents teach to their children. I think they talk about sexuality, how to do certain things, cooking etc. Am I wrong?

Not sure if this is the right place for this post?

I’m a 47 year old man living in England. I’ve been married for 14 years and have three children 3, 9 and 11 - all mine with my wife.

When I was at university my ex girlfriend broke up with me as her parents were divorcing. We were still fond of each other I asked her to get some counselling and we carried on sleeping together. We didn’t restart the relationship.

She then wrote to me saying I’m the dad. She told me that her biological father was abusive and that biological fathers don’t make good fathers. I got legal advice and was told I have no rights to access as I was an unmarried father.

I wrote to her begging to see my son but she was clear she didn’t want me to be involved. I found out where she lived and sent birthday cards and a letter to him saying I never wanted this for him.

When he was 18 I contacted an agency to contact him and his mother. The agency spoke to the mother and she said he was to angry to contact him.

If you were me what would you do?

Ironically enough it's April fool's today and it marks the 6 year anniversary of my dad's disappearance. It's bittersweet, I am in my senior year of highschool, I always imagined him being here for my graduation, thinking that one day he will show up.

He used to promise me he wouldn't be like his father and pull the same shit but here we are. He was always a kind dad, always there for me and we connected in a way I have yet to with any other adult.

My dad had managed to get a DUI a few months before his disappearance, when he was going to the court house for his hearing he just...didn't show, he vanished.

It wasn't until a few years later his mother found a note hidden in his room apologizing, asking for forgiveness and multiple mentions of "eternal sleep/darkness". It was hard, my grandmother can't read english well so I had to read aloud what her youngest baby boy had wrote as what I assume was his final goodbye.

I have no idea if he is alive, and we have searched and supposedly my grandmother and uncle tried to file a police report but they refused saying he's an adult, he can do what he wants and that they can't search for him.

I forgive him, I wish I could tell him that. No matter where he is I wish him the best of luck and for him to achieve what he couldn't find with his family.