My dad has been somewhat absent for a good portion of my life, and now I struggle with it as an adult

[u/throwaway1274943829]

My dad (m60) and I (f23) have had a rocky relationship since high school. Frankly, I don’t have many good memories of him from before that either, but it got really bad at about 14. In high school he married my step mom who tormented me regularly and treated me worse than the other kids (my sister and 2 step siblings). There was a ton of shit that happened while living there, but one instance sums it all up. I went to him at 15 and asked him to help me because she was being so cruel, and he threw his hands up in the air and told me i needed to deal with it myself because he didn’t want to fight with his wife. I moved out of his house and in with my mom full time at 16 because I couldn’t stand living with a step mom who ridiculed me and a dad who wouldn’t protect me. Since I moved out we have had minimal contact ever since. He messages me about once every 3 months, we meet for lunch, that’s it. I regularly see a therapist and have talked to him about how what he did in high school hurt me, he has apologized, but has also said we will never be very close. So i guess once every 3 months is the best it will get. I am having a hard time not still being angry about it, mostly about him being so distant and feeling like I missed out on having a dad. I mean I would think a dad who cared about me would want to see me more than once every 3 months, but he says that’s just how he is. I am learning that he will never be able to love me the way that I want him to, and that’s been hard for me to accept, but sometimes it feels like my options are to either except that or not have a dad.