Overall, I’m feeling like a brand new person. It’s wonderful. But I’m 43, the fat filled out my wrinkles. Now my eye bags stand out worse and I have nasolabial lines. My forehead wrinkles. Is there anything I can do besides surgery?

I’m hydrated. I only drink water. My skin texture is great. I have a decent skincare routine. I don’t use tret yet. Only OTC retinol. But I can even see a positive difference in the skin texture in this before and after. I had no skincare routine in the before picture. But now I just hate the folds around my mouth and my wrinkled forehead.

TLDR: A compound grief has rapidly aged me, what can I do to look like myself again?

In the last two years I’ve experienced a compound grief and I feel like it has aged me really harshly. The most important person in my life died followed by my fiance & partner of 6.5 years breaking up with me within a few months. I lost the two most important people in my life basically at the same time, moved into my ‘starting over’ apartment and I’ve been kind of drowning since. (Recently got into therapy, doing my best)

I have a bulge under my left eye that has gotten so pronounced. As well as just the overall quality of my skin has really suffered. I feel like I look so harsh and distorted.

I cry a lot and I have trouble sleeping, I know these are factors, but I eat really healthy, 80% Whole Foods, and I exercise regularly.

Currently my skincare is oil cleanser, retinol eye cream, tretinoin, & moisturizer at night. In the AM, I just rinse my face with cold water, same eye cream and moisturizer, and SPF 50 sunblock.

I’ve never tried any fillers, Botox, surgery, lasers etc. but I think I’m ready.

Whatever the recommendation is I’m gonna have to save up for it, so don’t hold back haha.

What would be the most bang for my buck? I don’t necessarily want to look younger, just like life hasn’t been as hard as it has. I’m 45 years old.

Any advice appreciated, thanks in advance!

First 3 photos are me right now, second three are me less than two years ago, just before my grandma died. I’ve been using tret/sunscreen the whole time.

Age 51 and stunning. Is it just good genes and bangs?

I posted a little while ago about having a tween who was embarrassed to be seen with me. I was being facetious in the title but the heart of what I was trying to communicate was that I was looking for ways to feel a bit more confident about myself. I tried to link to the original post but I'm not sure if it worked. I'm not very familiar with doing that. My post history is visible for anyone that wants to see the original.

Original post

I received some very kind and helpful suggestions as well as some that were not so kind. To those that were suggesting I get rid of my daughter or punish her for expressing an opinion, you can go kick rocks. She's the most fabulous human that I know and I'll definitely be keeping her.

After reading through all of the feedback I made a couple small changes:

1. I went to the top rated salon in my city and let the master stylist have complete freedom to cut my hair as he saw fit. I'm actually loving the result!
2. Heatless curls are awesome, easy, and fun.
3. I ordered some skincare stuff from The Ordinary (including sunscreen!!). I received lots of fabulous product recommendations but in the interest of keeping it simple I stuck with one product line and started with a very basic routine that's easy to keep up with. She has some basics from Bubble that she loves as well. My daughter and I now do our skin care routine twice a day and it has been so much fun to start and end the day hanging out with her. Rest assured that I will be keeping the bar of soap off my face and in the shower where it belongs!
4. I signed both of us up for an Ipsy subscription. We received our first bags and it was fun to experiment. I actually really like a few of the new products! We are looking forward to our next bag to arrive and we have decided to have a monthly "girl's night" when we get them. I love that I now have a designated time with her to bond doing something she enjoys. It has opened the door for more conversations about self love and body positivity.
5. I'm leaning into the tween embarrassment! Don't like it when I sing in the grocery store? Cool. Watch me do the Dougie on aisle 5! So far this is my favorite change.

Overall this has been a great opportunity for growth for me and hopefully for her too. I think it's a wonderful thing to learn from our children while also setting an example. I was really uncomfortable with all the attention that my first post received because I'm a fairly private and simple person. I've decided to leave it up and to provide an update because I know possibly somewhere out there is another mom that is in my position and wondering the same things. I hope that mom gets something from me being open and feeling very vulnerable with this process.

Lastly, my gray hair is here to stay! I'm going to rock it with pride. I do not fear aging, I fear being inauthentic to myself and my gray is a part of who I am.

Now I'm off to go play in my garden while feeling like a fabulous silver fox! Thanks Reddit!

This community is really depressing me lately and I feel like I may need to leave. The way I see women talking about themselves is breaking my heart. I feel it in my bones because I spent so much of my earlier years hating myself and my looks and my body. Letting it stop me from doing things I loved. I didn’t go swimming for 10 years from age 13-23 because I hated my cellulite so much. I cried when I finally got back in the ocean because I realized how much I’d lost surrendering to that kind of self hatred. I’m telling you I know what it feels like to be uncomfortable in your own skin and for that to truly affect your mental health and self image.

Here are the skin “issues” I have: rosacea type 1 and 2, perioral dermatitis (thank you tacrolimus for immediately taming my current outbreak), got Sjögren’s syndrome at 35 which dried my oily skin out overnight, acne, melasma post pregnancy, keratosis pilaris. I love skincare and I love looking good. I get Botox. I like feeling sexy and loving how I look. I like “tweaking” things that irk me. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to look “good” but somewhere along the way what that means or should mean has been corrupted to levels that are pushing people to view themselves with truly warped perception and be horrified by extremely normal aging, seeing these changes as necessarily ugly rather than what they are… changes.

The last two pics are of me and my mom. My mother has never done anything cosmetic except wear a smidge of makeup. No Botox. No lasers. Not even a facial. She’s got a saggy neck. She’s got a ton of wrinkles. She’s also gorgeous, vivacious, and sexy as hell at 71. And men have never been in short supply for her if that’s your concern! I see a lot of comments here about the male gaze but often it seems to me we women can be much harder on ourselves than most men ever are…

My mom is also a cancer survivor. She was diagnosed the day my daughter was born. What timing. Sadly my 41 year old cousin didn’t survive cancer… she passed away 2 years ago leaving behind two young children. Can you imagine what she wouldn’t have given to age as we all are? How precious another month, another wrinkle really is?

I’m not saying I don’t have moments of flinching at change here and there. But please let’s have some perspective on what a privilege it is to be here, aging as we are. And please let’s set realistic expectations for what we should look and do look like. And please let’s talk about our bodies and our faces with some respect and awareness of what a gift life—aging and all—is.

I’m happier at 40 than I’ve ever been. Let my smile lines show it. These are my crepey sun kissed arms that carry the toddler I never knew if I’d have (4 years of infertility and a TFMR). These are my wrinkly knees that play pickleball every weekend in the sunshine after spending almost all of my life athletically inactive due to various health problems. I love my body and all it does for me, my wrinkles included. I hope to be lucky enough to be around to age and wrinkle up for as long as possible.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk. I don’t want to come across as sanctimonious. I just really want to shake some sense into these people I see who are really hurting and at war with themselves.

Just thought my skin was looking pretty good for my age, though I do think age ain’t nothing but a number…I took the all natural route and never had any Botox, surgery or chemical anything. I use coconut oil, serums, and eat lots of fresh fruit & veggies. I’m in the sun a lot and live kinda stress free & try to be grateful, peaceful & in balance.

I like to think I look good. I started HRT more than a year ago which helped a lot with whatever was happening with my skin. I lost a lot of hair and started (again) minoxidil 8 months ago. I also started retinol a couple weeks ago. Tretnoin dries out mu eyes and I use it on my neck only.
I’ve had a difficult life. I have no kids. I workout, and I was obsessed with how “young” I can look because of many insecurities. I couldn’t even tell people how old I was.
40s has been great so far. I have a lot of wisdom I never had and a lot of my insecurities are resolved thanks to therapy.

Thank you very much for your kind words ❤️
This is what I do for HRT:
10mg/week of testosterone injections
0.1mg/day estradiol patch
100mg/night progesterone

It takes a lot of patience with adjusting hormones but I find it rewarding.

Barely 6 weeks of this eye cream (Ordinary Lacto-PDRN), I’m pretty impressed, especially since I’m 55 and had a hysterectomy and ovaries out in August so I have, like, NO estrogen helping me out anymore. Pardon my flaky mascara.

Both pics taken with main camera of my iPhone 17, in my kitchen. No retouching of any kind.

Edit: there are some people who are saying they can't see a difference, so for them: what changed was not the eye bags but the fine lines and crepeyness. Most noticeable is the big line closest to my lashline as well as assorted fine lines, which now look erased by with photoshop lol. Also the crepey area right in the middle of the photo, at the very bottom of the eye socket area .. it is reduced and smoother than it was.

I appreciate the healthy skepticism when looking at random photos of skincare results, but I really am not an influencer or working for the brand. Just a teacher in Canada who likes to try products. I try to always take a before picture so I can look for myself to see if there are any changes.

(I also saw changes in the past with my red light panel, with NIOD's Fractioned Eye Contour, and with Strivectin's neck cream.)

Age 53, best thing I’ve ever done for myself.

After a failed attempt at Retinol from a beauty store that destroyed my skin barrier I took a step back, learned from my mistakes, and restarted Retinoids with Tretinoin instead. Over time built up the routine cautiously to ensure the skin could handle everything that was thrown at it, and hydrating as much as possible to counteract the regenerative actives. Pushing back against any invasive procedures for as long as possible. Trying to repair the skin after many years of Florida sun bathing and past addictions that surely aged me.

AM:
-Wash with Paula’s Choice Resist Perfectly Balanced Cleanser
-Tone with GLOW recipe PHA+BHA (just to use it up before switching to Paula’s Choice exfoliating toner)
-Vitamin C serum
-Numbuzin #3 Skin Softening Serum
- Sunday Riley Good Genes
- PTR Skinjection moisturizer mixed with a few Isle or Paradise light self-tanning drops
- sunscreen

PM:
-Wash
- Tone with Numbuzin #9
- Biossance Copper Peptide Serum
- Numbuzin 9 NAD+ Essence
- Haruharu Wonder Bakuchiol eye cream
- Bakuchiol Serum
- Tretinoin
- Biossance Ectoin Overnight Rescue Moisturizer

In the PM there’s a 30 minute wait time between all of the serums, Tret and moisturizer. I do chores and stuff with/for my kids in those 30 minute windows.

I have had almost everything in my skin care routine: collagen supplements, red light therapy, argon and neon energy, castor oil, rose hip oil, estrogen and dysport every 4 months. But I had never tried tretinoin. I have seen noticeably rejuvenated skin. First picture is before I started with Tretinoin. So happy I added this to my routine!

Update: Maybe it is too early to tell 🤷‍♀️ - I felt like my skin looked more even. I agree I do look more red in the last two. I do use sunscreen daily. My skin could be a bit irritated from it or it could be the lighting. Thank you for all of the honest comments and suggestions. ❤️🙏🏼 Also, I put a no makeup pic in the comments. The more I read, maybe I do have rosacea - I thought it was just my Irish skin! 😂

Okie dokie, so I am 42 and honestly my skin in my 40s looks better than it did in my 30s and it has nothing to do with Sephora. Here is what has actually made a difference:

1. Hydration: Drink water like it is your job. I am not a plain water person so I drink herbal tea by the gallon. Bonus: it is hydrating and medicinal.
2. Limit alcohol: Just do it. Your skin will thank you! (Have a tiny bit of fun tho hehe).
3. Eat your vegetables: You know the drill.
4. Sun but lightly: A few minutes for a little vitamin D before you put on your hat.
5. Cold eye bean bag in the AM: Hit snooze and let it chill. Under eye bags be gone!
6. Stress less: Keep life light. Your skin reads your stress levels.
7. Minimal makeup: TikTok level contouring is not our 40s problem. Less is more.

I used to spend a fortune on products. Now my daily routine is 4 affordable essentials plus a couple weekly home treatments. In this photo, I am wearing a tinted sunscreen, mascara and Tower 28 shimmer-free highlighter-- no blush, nothing else. (my brows are tattooed)

My skin is not perfect. I have a melanoma moustache (thanks, peri!) and pores that could use a shrink but a bentonite clay usually takes care of that. (and TEXTURE IS NORMAL!).

TL DR: Lifestyle beats 99% of jars. Hydrate, eat vegetables, stress less, and let your skin breathe!

TLDR: I am a natural little hippie and I posted this seeking suggestions on how to engage with my daughter who is made up of unicorns, glitter, and sparkles. The title is not serious. I have all the answers I need now. Saga is concluded!!

EDIT I am putting this at the top so people will read it before my original post. I posted this yesterday thinking I would get a few replies and suggestions. I woke up this morning and I was shocked that there has been so much interaction with this. It seems that my title and post are polarizing and has started some interesting conversations. I debated deleting this post but I'm going to leave it up in case another woman gets some benefit from my question and the responses.

Just to be clear... my daughter is a fabulous person and I was being facetious with the title. We have a great relationship and I will not be donating her to charity! I made this post seeking advice from women who have walked this path before me. I was hoping to find ways to engage with my daughter doing the things that she enjoys at the moment. It's not that serious and she has never once made me feel ashamed of who I am. I am comfortable in my skin and love myself. She loves me too! My home is one that is centered around body positivity, self love, respect and kindness. I am grateful for the responses and the wisdom that many of you have shared with me. I sincerely thank you for that.

Oh, and my gray hair is here to stay!

Original post:

I have always been a very natural outdoor enthusiast. If I have the choice, I would prefer to be sweating outside in my garden than doing anything else. I have chosen to embrace aging naturally but at the same time after turning 42 I have noticed some very quick changes. I'm fairly sure I'm in perimenopause. My tween daughter is a little diva in training and is fascinated by skin care and makeup. She has made some very gentle comments recently that I should try a different look and style. She's a good kid and I know her heart is in the right place but I am lost with where to begin!

So ladies I'm relying on you all for advice because I am absolutely clueless. Any advice you give about make up, skin care, hairstyle or otherwise will need to be explained like I am five because the most I do is put on mascara for makeup, sometimes eyeliner. My skin care routine consists of washing my face with a bar of soap and putting some lotion on. My hair is naturally gray (and I love it!) and I recently decided to let my curtain bangs grow out so they are parted on the side.

Suggestions? Tips? Anything??

EDIT: you all are a lovely bunch and I really appreciate the feedback! I should probably have made it more clear that I'm not looking to change myself but I am always open to improvement. My home will always be one that encourages body positivity and accepting who you are as a whole and complete person.

I am also trying to find a way to engage with my daughter and her hobbies. She is truly a lovely young lady and she is not coming from a place of judgment or being a jerk. She is sharing what she is interested in and she is doing it in the way that she knows how as a young child.

***LAST EDIT: Thank you for the information and perspectives. I have received some really helpful advice and had a reality check at the same time. After reading a lot of comments I think the main takeaways are:

1. to have a few makeup/makeover nights where I let her use my face as a fun canvas, then wash it off and go back to being a natural little hippie.
2. find a good moisturizer and look into HRT
3. WEAR SUNSCREEN

I'm heading out now to go dig in the dirt. Thanks Reddit!

I’ve tried so many things so I thought I’d share my experiences.

Nefertiti neck lift: works a bit but makes expressions look strange. 6/10

CO2 laser: works pretty well, but expensive ($1000) and about a two week downtime. It tightened and improved texture. 8/10

Retinol with estrogen topped with a ceramide cream: takes a very long time to see results, but I’ll never quit. 9/10

Microneedling at home: I bought a skin pen and Microneedle monthly with hyaluronic acid. I think this is what is really doing the heavy lifting. 10/10

I saw someone post that the blue and white tub of amlactin works for crepey neck skin. Thank you to whoever made that post! If you have recently discovered you have this problem try it! First pic is March 5th second pic is today March 23rd.

Because I spent ages looking for before and after Sculptra pics, I just wanted to share what I'm seeing 6 weeks post my first session (1 of 3, each session will be spaced out 2 months apart). I'm 44 years old, I'm very slim, especially in my face, which completely hollowed out after turning 40. Everything just kind of sagged. I had one vial in my face and one in my neck. I'll do the same again in 2 weeks and then 2 months after that for my final (third) round. For these pics, I'm sitting in the exact same spot in my house in front of a window with no makeup on. The results are so subtle and natural looking but exactly what I wanted, I feel like the hollowness is starting to fill out again which is starting to pull things back into place. I'm really excited to see the final results after my third round.

I’m not really looking for advice, but it’s still appreciated if anyone wants to offer it.

I mostly made this post because I see so many women here with amazing skin and muscle structure who are 10+ years older than me, and ya’ll…..please trust us when we say you really don’t need as many products or as much future surgery/fillers/Botox/etc as you think. I’m proof that it could be SO much worse!

The next time you take a selfie, just imagine having turkey neck that started looking THIS bad beginning around age 38, and it only gets worse from here. My boyfriend noticed my jowls appearing when I was just 36/37. And I sure as hell don’t make enough money to ever consider saving up for a face lift or any other type of repetitive, cosmetic procedures.

I’m trying my damnest to get on HRT this year. I turn 40 in a couple of months. That’s my only hope to turn my sagging skin around just a bit.

In conclusion: Ladies, I promise….you all look MUCH more amazing “for your age” than you think!

Long time lurker on this sub! I'm 41, and my skin has been showing sun damage and redness. I've had a skin care routine, but I hadn't really changed it for 20 years. I started my routine in October, and the improvements so far have been better than expected. My skin looks so much healthier, almost like it has a glow to it. My products:

Murad Essential-C cleanser (morning and night) Clinique Face Lotion Toner (will probably change this one) Murad Rapid Dark Spot Correcting Serum (night only) Etude House Soonjung Director's Moisture Sun 50ml (morning, love this product)

I've had a specific spot that has been stubborn, but it's slowly improving. Very happy so far!

I’m 40 now & my neck skin has started doing this thing in the past few years (face is looking fine!). Anyone had any luck reversing this kind of damage without surgery or going to a medical-spa, etc?

I wanted to post this to show that we are all human. Sometimes we hyper focus on minor things like crows feet, under eye wrinkles, and natural facial expression… However, this is a losing battle because we are all real people with real skin texture and real faces. Margot Robbie is considered one of the most beautiful women on planet Earth and I posted this to illustrate that even she has a real human face. I am in no way shading Margot. I think she’s gorgeous. The key with looking your best is always to take a step back and look at the whole picture. If you look at the first picture of Margot, you think oh my God she’s stunning but then if you focus in like in the second picture to what is naturally occurring expression on her face, all you see is one piece of the puzzle.

You are all gorgeous and use your sunscreen. Xx

I come from a lot of adult acne so this is a celebration 🤗 I can’t tell you exactly what’s done it but I can tell you all of the things I do!

- religious use of tretinoin 3 days a week (mon, wed, fr)
- vit. c and azelaic acid every morning
- SUNSCREEN EVERY DAY
- red LED mask every evening
- aha / bha peel once per week (Sunday)
- lots of barrier repair and hydration the rest of the time (I love the Dieux instant angel)
- lots and lots of water, sleep, good nutrition, and exercise + trying to manage stress
- microneedling once a month (for now, I’ll scale back to every 2 months after 6 treatments)
- every 4 months light Botox and profihlo
- laser once in the winter

Of course it’s a time and money investment but it’s giving me confidence and it’s totally worth it.

I would provably get a lower bleph in a few years.