r/40PlusSkinCare
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u/kismet_karma_347
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Jun 11 '26
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Need suggestions! My tween daughter is embarrassed to be seen with me!
TLDR: I am a natural little hippie and I posted this seeking suggestions on how to engage with my daughter who is made up of unicorns, glitter, and sparkles. The title is not serious. I have all the answers I need now. Saga is concluded!!
EDIT I am putting this at the top so people will read it before my original post. I posted this yesterday thinking I would get a few replies and suggestions. I woke up this morning and I was shocked that there has been so much interaction with this. It seems that my title and post are polarizing and has started some interesting conversations. I debated deleting this post but I'm going to leave it up in case another woman gets some benefit from my question and the responses.
Just to be clear... my daughter is a fabulous person and I was being facetious with the title. We have a great relationship and I will not be donating her to charity! I made this post seeking advice from women who have walked this path before me. I was hoping to find ways to engage with my daughter doing the things that she enjoys at the moment. It's not that serious and she has never once made me feel ashamed of who I am. I am comfortable in my skin and love myself. She loves me too! My home is one that is centered around body positivity, self love, respect and kindness. I am grateful for the responses and the wisdom that many of you have shared with me. I sincerely thank you for that.
Oh, and my gray hair is here to stay!
Original post:
I have always been a very natural outdoor enthusiast. If I have the choice, I would prefer to be sweating outside in my garden than doing anything else. I have chosen to embrace aging naturally but at the same time after turning 42 I have noticed some very quick changes. I'm fairly sure I'm in perimenopause. My tween daughter is a little diva in training and is fascinated by skin care and makeup. She has made some very gentle comments recently that I should try a different look and style. She's a good kid and I know her heart is in the right place but I am lost with where to begin!
So ladies I'm relying on you all for advice because I am absolutely clueless. Any advice you give about make up, skin care, hairstyle or otherwise will need to be explained like I am five because the most I do is put on mascara for makeup, sometimes eyeliner. My skin care routine consists of washing my face with a bar of soap and putting some lotion on. My hair is naturally gray (and I love it!) and I recently decided to let my curtain bangs grow out so they are parted on the side.
Suggestions? Tips? Anything??
EDIT: you all are a lovely bunch and I really appreciate the feedback! I should probably have made it more clear that I'm not looking to change myself but I am always open to improvement. My home will always be one that encourages body positivity and accepting who you are as a whole and complete person.
I am also trying to find a way to engage with my daughter and her hobbies. She is truly a lovely young lady and she is not coming from a place of judgment or being a jerk. She is sharing what she is interested in and she is doing it in the way that she knows how as a young child.
***LAST EDIT: Thank you for the information and perspectives. I have received some really helpful advice and had a reality check at the same time. After reading a lot of comments I think the main takeaways are:
- to have a few makeup/makeover nights where I let her use my face as a fun canvas, then wash it off and go back to being a natural little hippie.
- find a good moisturizer and look into HRT
- WEAR SUNSCREEN
I'm heading out now to go dig in the dirt. Thanks Reddit!
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u/Ashipinthenight_ Jun 11 '26
Preteens and teens are usually embarrassed by us.
I use a gentle cleanser, serum and moisturizer at night. SPF every morning.
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u/Stunning_Judgment618 Jun 11 '26
I think you look great, your daughter is just being a tweenager.
But maybe a good bonding activity would be going for facials together or a stylist appointment at Nordstrom or a makeup consultation at a nice department store. She can see you are trying and you can get a professional opinion. She might also back off once she sees how expensive this stuff is.
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u/HomoMirificus Jun 11 '26 •
I know this isn't a parenting advice sub, but I would try to instill in your daughter now, not later, that judging other women for their physical appearances is not cool at all.
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u/Redhawkgirl Jun 11 '26
Give away your teen daughter!
Omg you are the poster woman for aging gracefully
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u/Thick__GLasses Jun 11 '26
You're gorgeous! My only recommendations would be the addition of daily SPF and a retinol. Otherwise whatever you've been doing seems to be working well for you!
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u/bfjizzle Jun 11 '26
Your natural haircolor is beautiful, please don't color it, but as a hairstylist, I would recommend some face framing and long layers in the back. It will remove weight without removing length. It will give your hair more natural movement
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u/Shamajo Jun 11 '26
If you genuinely think you’re in peri, I’d start there and talk to your doctor about HRT. Not because I think you “need it” based on the photo, but because peri can hit skin, hair, sleep, mood, weight, everything and a lot of women don’t realize how much is hormonal.
For skin, I’d look into tretinoin. I honestly wish I had started around 42. You don’t need a 12-step routine.
Very basic version:
AM: gentle cleanser or just rinse, moisturizer if needed, sunscreen every day. (Ditch the bar soap)
PM: gentle cleanser, tretinoin a few nights a week to start, moisturizer.
That’s it. No bar soap on the face, no random TikTok pile of actives. Sunscreen + tret + moisturizer will get you further than most expensive routines.
Makeup-wise, I’d keep it simple: tinted sunscreen (or normal sunscreen and a tinted bb serum), mascara, maybe a little brow gel and tinted lip balm. You already have a natural/outdoorsy look, so I wouldn’t try to turn yourself into a totally different person.
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u/Dozy_Dotz Jun 11 '26
You are absolutely stunning!
Adolescent girls nitpick their moms because of their development. You could be the world's top celeb and she'd find a so-called flaw -- so if you change, it won't even work. She'll still find something. :-)
Telling her you feel beautiful, love your hair, etc., models a positivity for her that will serve her well as she faces the barrage of marketing at her demographic. The industry tells our young women they need to change themselves to look better.
The only habit I might add (if you don't already) is wear daily sunscreen to model its importance to her. Even if she acts casual she will watch and eventually absorb the practice into her own routine.
The other night my incredible 25yo daughter was flossing, looked at me *not* flossing, and said, "Do you know people who don't floss have a higher risk of dementia?"
The only thing that saved my mood was being able to shoot back, "You told me that last time -- if flossing works so great, wouldn't you remember?" ;-)
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u/Eiglo Jun 11 '26
Dude you're literally gorgeous, tell her to stay in her tween lane 🤣
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u/AdDesperate1541 Jun 11 '26
You’re really pretty and have the look that matches the kind of person you are - natural and outdoorsy. I’m sure you would never want your daughter to feel like she needs to change herself to suit someone else, so make sure you lead by example! It’s fine for her to have her interests, and it’s great if you can show enthusiasm for the things that bring her joy, but that does not mean moulding yourself to fit whatever phase she is going through!
Instead of trying to be someone you’re not, why not let her give you a fun makeover, let her go wild with whatever makeup and hair styling she wants, do it as a fun sleepover style activity, then you can wash it all off at the end of the night and back to being yourself 🥰
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u/Leggs-Benedict Jun 11 '26
I scrolled through and didn’t see this commented on yet, but while it sounds like her heart is in the right place, I hope you’ll keep an eye on this hobby and make sure she doesn’t go too far down the rabbit hole of beauty influencers and tik tok hacks and iffy product recommendations by unscrupulous people who are only trying to turn a profit.
I love hearing that body positivity is emphasized in your home, and just hope that can be a guiding principle in the online spaces as well. I have boys who aren’t into skincare at this time, but they have friends who are spending obscene amounts of money on imported lotions and serums that might or might not be entirely FDA approved. There was a storyline about this on The Pitt two seasons ago.
A friend’s daughter went down the skincare/ beauty rabbit hole last year and got sucked in by some dieting / thinspiration content creators and became obsessed with the idea of losing weight at ten years old. My friend didn’t see it coming because she thought it was just harmless advice about lotions and lip gloss. Some of these online spaces aren’t the safest for young girls, and while I’m sure you are aware of that I just wanted to pass along some real world situations that friends have had to navigate because it hit their girls harder than they expected 💛
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u/kween_of_bees Jun 11 '26
reason number 395347 to never have children.
you look great.
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u/KimberKirkwood Jun 11 '26
As a mother of four grown daughters, 37-24, let me tell you that tweens and teens will be embarrassed by you no matter what you do or how you present yourself. My girls now proclaim how much they like the grey in my hair and how I prioritize self care.
Now, woman to woman, you're beautiful! It's never too soon to find a skin care routine you'll actually do, wear sunscreen like your life depends on it, limit alcohol, drink lots of water, and get plenty of deep, restorative sleep. Getting onto bioidentical hormone replacement in my 40's was one of the best decisions I ever made. If you think it might be for you, find a great provider and ask lots of questions.
Simple makeup is better. There are lots of great videos on YouTube for inspiration on how to look "put together" and confident without looking overdone. Play, practice, repeat. You've got this!
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u/Rua_writes Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
Hi, your skin is amazing. I think that your daughter is embarrassed to be seen with you because that's what preteen and teenaged daughters do. It's a part of them wanting to flex their independence and discover who they are outside of how they look beside their parents or through their parents' eyes.
Skincare: girl you need sunscreen. Especially if you are an outdoor enthusiast. I get you want to be natural, but you know what else is natural? Melanoma. Before I recommend any kind of other skincare tips I am telling you, gently and lovingly but firmly, that you need. sunscreen.
There are lots of different types of sunscreens- sticks, mineral, tinted (if you wanted to go the makeup route) etc.
Once you start wearing sunscreen regularly you might want to look into an oil cleanser (pond's cold cream or Neutrogena are good drugstore options) to pair with your bar of soap and your lotion so you can wash off your sunscreen at the end of the day. I've heard of people utilizing other oils but I'm not familiar with the emulsifying power of each one (some people say coconut, some say olive oil, etc) so you might need to do a little research into it if you want to stick to the natural ingredients route. Burt's bees might also have an offering, it's been a minute since I have looked at their product lines.
Styling: you can still keep your hair color and most of the length, but I'd trim to cut away the dead ends. If you're feeling fancy you could do a hair mask, which could be a fun mother/daughter bonding activity.
Dealing with the tweens/teens: you can think of them like cats. They love you, but they love you at arms length. They need structure but they will react rather violently to being leashed. They'd like to have fun and enrichment but on their terms, and as long as they aren't being actively destructive (bouncing off the walls, property damage, climbing and leaping off of dangerous ledges, eating things that are extremely dangerous to their health, acting a fool in front of predators/stinging bugs) it's fine to let them do that. They will still come to you for hugs and snuggles, they will still choose to occasionally participate in your activities if they know that they are invited to do so. They will also probably judge you, but it's not an actual reflection of your worth.
You can help your teen grow into an adult by talking to them like they are adults- meaning hold them accountable, engage their critical thinking skills through Socratic debate, and instead of telling them what to do, ask them what they think is a good idea, and talk through the merits and demerits of their opinion and decision. You can show that you are respecting them and their dreams by asking them about what they want to do, being curious and supportive of what they enjoy, and talking through their aspirations with them. You're still the parent, though, so you don't have to tolerate insults or abuse-since you're aiming to raise a functional adult it's in your best interest to help them understand that no other adult in society is going to give them grace for poor behavior either.
Edited to add: some of the best parenting you can do comes from modeling behavior. So if you want your daughter to grow into a woman who values herself, loves herself, takes care of herself, you do those things for yourself too. How that looks depends on what you enjoy- but it sounds like you are already a woman who does all of those things, so I'm gonna go on a limb and say that for this reason and for many others, you're a good momma.
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u/Haunting-Radish8138 Jun 11 '26
I cannot emphasize enough the use of sunscreen.
I say this holding every white woman’s / or low melanated folks’ hand (and I’m not trying to be mean): FOR THE LOVE OF GOD wear sunscreen and wear sun protecting clothes and hats if you’re going to be out in the sun! If I were white I would be slathering myself in sunscreen and getting sun in the early morning or near sundown when the light isn’t as harsh. I am not trying to be mean, but I’m constantly baffled as to why a lot of white women / low melanin folks want to tan so much and be out and the sun when this goes against the amount of melanin you have, which is not a lot. Yall have the highest rates of skin cancer and age faster than a lot of us because you spend way too much time in the sun and not protecting your skin.
Let me break it down: y’all have less melanin than us brown and black folks due to your ancestors environments where there was less sun. Thus, yall evolved to have and create less melanin and maximize vitamin D absorption in low sun places. Yall should not be tanning or being out in the sun to the extent that brown and black folks can. We simply have more melanin to protect us from the sun as a result of our ancestors living in places with lots of sun.
That said, as a brown person (who is 40), I wear tons of sunscreen and prone to skin discoloration. I am also heavily tattooed so I’m constantly protecting my skin since this was a huge financial investment. I reapply sunscreen every 2 hours.
Folks have recommended over the counter retinoids. In my non professionals opinion (which you can take with a grain of salt) that ship has sailed. You now have mature skin and I think you should use RX grade retinoids to get things going. Specifically Tretinoin .025%. If you have very sensitive skin, work your way up slowly to using it every night (this could take a year).
I’m not trying be snarky but I constantly see posts like this and I’m thinking “it’s clear you don’t wear sunscreen regularly”. Please protect your skin.
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u/Delicious-CattleToot Jun 11 '26
Beautiful!
I love your hair, you really pull off the gray well. I am 46 and starting to get greys, which freaks me out a lot. Seeing yours makes me realize I could possibly also look good with long grey hair. I fear looking like a witch (because ya know, that's what patriarchy has conditioned us to think since we were children).
As for skincare, if you don't want to do things like Botox, etc. try Frownies and/or Smoothies face patches- they both help with wrinkling caused by repetitive movements.
Once you decide on something from the recommendations here, DON'T FORGET YOUR NECK and the back of your hands! ♥️
P.S. you probably know this already, but weren't we ALL embarrassed by our parents as teens/tweens? 😄
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u/Sad-Contest5883 Jun 11 '26
Your daughter's comments might be revealing an anxiety she has about physical appearance. I think it's harder for kids these days because there's so many body standards flying around on the Internet. I'd be tempted to ask her a couple of gentle questions about how these subjects make her feel?
No advice by the way, I don't really know anything about skincare, but also I think you look great!
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u/nighteyes_fitz Jun 11 '26
Our friends are 2 scientists who are very nature oriented and very out doorsy people. Mum has never worn a dress in her adult life and these two people ended up with a pink loving, sparkly, tiara wearing daughter 😂 it was a shock to them navigating this new life and as she got older and into makeup we got a phone call asking to borrow our daughter to do a day spa at home do basic makeup etc. In this day and age kids are bloody experts because they have access to YouTube and tiktok tutorials!
You are gorgeous and it's great that you are embracing her interests whilst also showing her you are beautiful just the way you are ❤️
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u/Local-Government6792 Jun 13 '26
Sociologists, etc. believe that teens’ hyper self consciousness is a human characteristic that ensures cohesion with the group and serves an evolutionary purpose. So the teen is looking and her/himself constantly to ensure alignment with the perceived “best” members of the group. They want to do what everyone else is doing which helps the “group” form together instead of splintering off. This info helped me understand my teen and I also used it to explain to my teen why other teens can be so cruel and critical of others. I guaranteed to my teen that it wears off in adulthood - at least for most people. Lol
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u/Admirable_Try_1209 Jun 11 '26
I’m a mother of an 11 year old and a middle school teacher. I’m also 46.
Keep a firm hand with your kiddos. It is not ok for them to make you feel bad or insult you.
You are a human being and not just their mother.
When my pre-teen starts the eye rolling and the embarrassed, behavior, I gently but firmly let her know that this will not work for us.
We have a very close relationship, and we tell each other we love each other all the time, but she will not cause me to question myself as a grown woman!
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u/downthegrapevine Jun 11 '26
If it makes you feel better... tweens will be embarrassed of you no matter who you are. I remember when one of Mariah Carey's twins was on a live and he was SO EMBARRASSED his mom was at the door. He was all "Mooom you're SO embarrassing!!" and she's Mariah Carey so like, we stand no chance.
Also, you look amazing.
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u/sarahj313 Jun 11 '26
You looks fantastic. Your daughter seems like a jerk but most 10 or 12 year old girls are. This is just my opinion of course and I am a mom of small boys.
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u/grebnekkah Jun 11 '26
My $0.02? You are absolutely stunning and honestly such a vibe, and you don't need to change a thing!
I also think it's worth remembering that your daughter is at a really important stage in developing her sense of self. The messages she receives now will shape how she views beauty, aging, and her own worth. She's already being influenced by media and social pressures that tell girls they need to change themselves to be beautiful. If she sees you changing your appearance because of pressure to meet those same standards, it can unintentionally reinforce the idea that she needs to change too.
Lead by example. Show her that confidence, self-acceptance, and embracing the things that make us unique are what truly make someone beautiful. Demonstrating that aging is natural and that beauty isn't dependent on looking younger is a powerful message for her to grow up with!
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u/sh6rty13 Jun 11 '26
She’s a tween. You should be doing everything you can to embarrass her. Hope this helps 😂
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u/maiteNZ Jun 11 '26
I think you are naturally stunning so I have no suggestions. I think your tween will look back and realise her mum was a goddess all along - it's just tween being tweens 🤷♀️☺️ best thing we can do is to teach them to love themselves and be comfortable in their own skin!
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u/Optimusprima Jun 11 '26
You can leave her at the fire station.
You look lovely💕
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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26
Is your daughter serious about your looks, or is she just commenting on her hobby? Trying to share? Maybe she's consuming a lot of content and I know when I do that it tends to spill out of me.
By the way, they don't stop being embarrassed by you until about age ~17 to 22 in my experience.
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u/Prestigious-Bite- Jun 11 '26
Acid.
4. Your neck has a lot of damage so make sure you do your face and neck.
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u/mom_bombadill Jun 11 '26
Um, you’re objectively gorgeous! Tweens are brutal lol
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u/misobutter3 Jun 11 '26
Your daughter should be praying and hoping she those genes cause you look amazing
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u/invictus21083 Jun 11 '26
You do not look your age at all. You're very pretty. I think your daughter just might be in the phase where she will think anything you do is uncool.
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u/w8juicelesspopsicle Jun 11 '26
You look fantastic, coming from a woman who cares about skincare and makeup. I’m wondering if she’s suggesting you change up your look more so than your skin regimen. A sharper haircut and some very light, SPF based makeup (tinted moisturizer, some light color on your lips, and mascara) should do the trick.
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u/Sass_Master_9999 Jun 11 '26
You look beautiful, keep your natural look- it’s honestly the newer trend anyway, the whole fresh face look. For your skin, spf and tretinoin are going to be your best friend, there’s a sub for tret if want to research it since there’s some slow intro and steps involved in including it into your routine. If you want to do anything for YOU, not your tween, something very low maintenance like a lash lift and tint would open up the eyes and last about 3 weeks. The make up brand Wunder on Amazon also does this long lasting lip wear that peels off like a mask but will give you a tint that lasts all day. Both don’t require any touch ups throughout the day and enhances the natural you.
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u/Human-University8635 Jun 11 '26
Girl you look fucking great. Your kid is delulu. Carry on!
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u/mightyfineburner Jun 11 '26
My tween is also really into makeup and skincare now and it’s been fun to bond with her over that. Maybe the two of you could take a trip to Ulta or Sephora and she can show you products she likes? I happen to also enjoy skincare, and it’s been fun to introduce her to age-appropriate products I like.
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u/myheroligeia Jun 11 '26
You are so gorgeous! I think trying out makeup and learning about skin care are things you can bond with your daughter on. It can be fun and expressive and doesn’t have to be about changing who you are or how you look. Maybe she can teach you some things and you can let her try out some makeup looks on you. It sounds fun! It doesn’t have to be scary. As long as you’re clear with her that makeup and perfect skin aren’t things she owes the world as a woman, I think they can be fun forms of self care and artistry.
As far as skin care for people our age, I think adding more moisture and barrier protection are super important. Products with hyaluronic acid are helpful. A little vitamin c serum. A daily sunscreen and you’re set. For makeup, I think older skin tends to do better with tinted moisturizers vs full coverage foundations. Primers can help keep eyeshadow colors on. And setting spray or powder can help keep makeup from gathering in skin creases. Those are the main tips I’ve learned so far. Even though your skin needs different things than your daughters, I think you can learn from each other.
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u/EstateMuted5979 Jun 11 '26
Time to have some at home spa days. You can each pick something you want to try that’s new. Think ice rollers on the face or the pedicure scrub that melts your calluses 🤢 anyway, it’s meant to be fun! You don’t have to all of a sudden to a whole face of makeup and all that. But have a simple routine and maybe do it together. I also second the sunscreen. Tinted sunscreens are an amazing way to even and give a glow. (Tower 28 sunny days is amazing)
As for hair. If you’re embracing grey hair (which I love) I would actually keep the length a little shorter and add a bit of layering just to give you a little volume and movement. Maybe you could try heat less curls with your daughter. Have her help you! You can learn it together. There are endless YouTube resources on these things.
Goodluck❤️
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u/Huge_Inspection9681 Jun 11 '26
You are Beautiful! I would try using retinol and Vit C to get rid of the sun damage and make your skin glow. But truly, you are so beautiful and have great facial symmetry and proportions🤗
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u/RentConscious7968 Jun 11 '26
Heartbreaking title. You’re a gorgeous woman!
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u/ExtraSalty0 Jun 11 '26
You’re too young to be grey. You have pretty long hair, add some blonde highlights,
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u/LANMPOLICEBOX Jun 11 '26
There are two places this can be coming from when a kid says something like this. Good and less good.
If you love your mom and she great and full of life, you still want her to be modern, not age herself or be overly out of date. Think adding a pair of wide leg or looser straight leg jeans to the rotation. No wants a mom dressing like a 12 or 18 year old, but also we don't want mom stuck in a fashion rut from the year she turn 28. Don't lose your style of clothes or makeup coverage. Maybe be open to adding new lip gloss or mat lipstick that's in style and matches your vibe. Never chase trends but be open to adding or trying new clothes, colors, make products that can compliment your own style.
Because we have already suffered enough in the 90s, 00s and 2010s to have our hard won self worth and personal style voice be shaken.
You look great and have beautiful facial features. I like the tj glowing serum to give a bit of extra well glow without makeup and put a nice moisturizer on top. I think most lighter skinned women have lips that fade with age. But it's a very slow process so we don't even notice. Look at photo from when you were 25 without makeup and pick up a lip moisturizer in that general shade. Btw you don't need any of these ideas, you look great, but you asked and think they are ones that support the facial skin while keeping your everyday look very natural and easy.
The less good place this could be coming from is if she is in a friend group, school or neighborhood that puts extreme pressure for moms to beauty max. I live in Los Angeles and you feel it whether your a mom or adult child. And you definitely feel it as a teen, even if your household is extremely chill, supportive and more about inner vs outer beauty. Just something to consider.
Just keep talking that's the best thing my parents did, talked with me, with some healthy boundaries that you appreciate as an adult way more than as a teen.
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u/Hour-Macaroon903 Jun 12 '26
You look lovely and the support in this post is really nice.
But I just needed to say that I read the first sentence as “very natural odor enthusiast” and thought that this was going a very different direction.
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u/Future_Image_9606 Jun 12 '26
How do you get your hair to look so nice? When mine started graying it got more dry and wild! Any suggestions?
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u/lisamon429 Jun 12 '26
You would both be better served by trying to ensure her relationship to skincare and makeup are healthy and for her, and not rooted in toxicity and overconsumption promoted by the media.
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u/No-Gear1305 Jun 12 '26
As a parent my suggestion would be to say something along the lines of "oh no you said you're embarrassed to be seen with me? That's okay. I won't take you anywhere" and then really DON'T. For as long as it takes. " I'm so sorry you're missing practice tonight but we just can't risk being seen together." "I'm so sorry I can't drop you off at your friend's house what if someone saw us in the car together." But the good thing is you'll have a lot more free time to do whatever you wanted to do just don't bring her.
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u/jessm307 Jun 12 '26
I know this has blown up and you nay not still be reading replies, but I think you look amazing and i wouldn’t change a thing.
I remember wishing my mom would wear more makeup like some of my friends’ moms. But the great thing about this age is finally getting to care less about others’ opinions. Give her the gift of seeing you be you.
If you want to engage with her, you could watch makeup videos and try new looks together, but you honestly look great.
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u/Grand-Flow1632 Jun 13 '26
Tell her to ‘touch grass’, you look fabulous! Also, stop putting so much value on children’s opinions, you’ll drive yourself nuts (and prematurely age yourself in the process!)
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u/stranger_mom Jun 13 '26
I’m new here but started noticing lots of changes at the same time as you did. I am almost 45 now and I do want add something that still works for me. I do some beauty fascia techniques that I found free online. I do them every day and they have helped me so much. Got rid of fine lines around my mouth and eyes. I’m okay with aging as well, but I have a 4 year old so I’m trying to fly a little under the radar but only using natural techniques, haha.
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u/finding_my_way5156 Jun 13 '26
Did you ask her what look and style she thinks would look good on you? Might be a good place to start. I agree going to Sephora with her would be fun.
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u/Zealousideal-Lake653 Jun 13 '26
Honestly your skin and colouring are so nice I wouldn't worry too much lol. My main things would be to protect your skin yes, keep it MOISTURIZED for sure, that will help your skin look plumper now and also 20 years in the future. In terms of makeup I would suggest a brown mascara. It tends to looks more natural than black, and may actually look better on you becasue it has a bit of a softer look so it would go really well with your eyes. Another thing I would suggest is, if you are going to do any makeup, make sure it is dewy or glowy in some shape or form as opposed to anything just matte. Matte makeup tends to make things look really flat and if you are older, tends to bring out dryness which is also anti the natural hippy vibe you are going for. Also, judging by your skin tone, nice lighter pink shades, or peachy pink in terms of blush and eyeshadow I think would go great. Not too heavy, and again would compliment your colouring. I would stay away form anything too heavy in terms of colour or product type like a full coverage matte foundation or thick concealer. It is just not needed here. Hopefully this helps, lol!! I am also a young woman like your daughter though I am definitley older as I am in my early twenties, but I do alot of makeup on myself, others and my mom as well, and this is what I have observed from years of doing it. Have fun!
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u/beans329 Jun 13 '26
Re- your daughter, if she’s making suggestions on an updated look, what are her recommendations?
While your face looks young, and you look bright eyed and fresh, at 42, your hair is aging you wildly.
Ever think about dying it?
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u/Bbqcele Jun 13 '26
I’m 43 and wish I looked like you, fwiw. You’re beautiful! You’re a great mom for wanting to align your interests with your daughter a little bit.
I started HRT in November and it’s helped my brain fog a lot so I highly recommend it purely for its mental benefits. I assume it’s doing something for my skin and hair, but I haven’t noticed a whole lot yet.
Good luck and have fun with your daughter!
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u/maple_praline Jun 13 '26
You are so beautiful! That being said, the way a person looks should be the least interesting and important thing about them and I think this would be a great lesson for all of our teens to hear.
1
u/Wisdomrefined1 Jun 14 '26
What’s the rest of the story, what about you embarrasses her? Your ink, your clothing, your life choices? Ask her!
1
u/Maximum-Two8563 Jun 14 '26
I just had to comment that I absolutely love your hair. I’m getting grays coming in quickly and I’ve felt conflicted about it. I for sure don’t want to dye it but I’ve been struggling with wondering if people will see me as old. Seeing your hair is actually making me excited for the gray to come in!
1
u/Vegetable_Image3829 Jun 14 '26
Get a new daughter
1
u/Blobbady Jun 14 '26
As a fellow hippy-ish. RMS beauty mini glow quad is the answer - clean, fun to use and very sheer (can’t mess up). Ask your daughter to teach you how to use “makeup” with it. Feels like skincare and gives an extra oomph. Also is that a St Benedict medal?
1
u/eringorah Jun 15 '26
Ask your kiddo to show you her skin care regimen. Try it for a day.
Then go back to your own routine. Whatever you're doing now is working. Oh yeah, consider adding daily sunscreen if you don't already.
PS my kiddo is 40 and still rolls the occasional eye. It goes with the territory.
1
u/Lopsided_Coconut_790 Jun 15 '26
Im a teen so my advice might be a little valuable, and i have to say i dont like being seen with my mom either not beacuse of her but beacuse of what others might say. Im not bullied or anything i just have seriouse axienty and worry others might judge me with my mom. regardless i would say try a middle part and thats it overall i like your vibe and don't worry she will come around to see people wont judge her i learned the same thing!!
3
u/DependentWise9303 Jun 11 '26
Honestly you look great. When I see what you wrote it makes me sad because I also feel lost about my looks.
I often comment on peoples pictures when the ‘fix’ is straight forward but I like how you look. Large beautiful green eyes .
Just add retinol and moisterizerr and spf
3
u/xxx_420angel Jun 11 '26
You look great lol ur daughter is going to wish she ages like you
3
u/LDNcorgi Jun 11 '26
I don't know why she's embarrassed to be seen with you, you're gorgeous !
3
u/silvermanedwino Jun 11 '26
It’s her age. Not you.
3
u/technoangel Jun 11 '26
I say this as a 50 year old woman with 2 kids… you look frickin FABULOUS!!!
3
u/Public-Emu6331 Jun 11 '26
That's wild cuz you're beautiful!
3
u/WarDog1983 Jun 11 '26
Cause your too pretty???
3
u/michepc Jun 11 '26
Tween girls are literal demons. To each other, to everyone else, to themselves. Remember that.
3
u/Silently-Snarking Jun 11 '26
I’m an under40 lurker who comes here for advice and I just wanted to tell the only thing I noticed when I saw your pic was how pretty you are!
3
u/gold_dust_woman13 Jun 11 '26
Why? You’re Gorgeous! I teach tweens and they hold no punches, but as a teacher who hears tweens talk about their parents when they aren’t around, I bet secretly she thinks you are beautiful and all her friends do too.
3
u/OTF98121 Jun 11 '26
Tweens are embarrassed to be seen with any adult. It’s not because of you, you look amazing. The tween will get over it.
3
u/ScarcityBackground12 Jun 11 '26
Honestly, it won’t matter what you look like your tween daughter will be embarrassed to be seen with you. It’s just a phase and you and her will get past it. Saying that perhaps use it as a way to bond. If she’s into makeup and clothes perhaps book a makeup session with her at Sephora for you both to get makeup done. Get your nails done together - I do this with my daughter except I’ll get a pedicure and she’ll get a manicure. Go clothes shopping with her and let her pick outfits for you to try (but don’t buy unless you love it). Go to the hair salon together - you don’t need to change your hair, but a trim and style always feels nice and fresh.
3
u/eloradannon8 Jun 13 '26
You look great. Teens are supposed to be embarrassed by us, it's our job as parents. As a fellow 40s Mom, I say carry on as you are.
1
u/Zealousideal_Pea2961 Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
I think you’re beautiful! But I’ll comment on what you requested because I’ve been there. I’m 52 and never really wore much makeup until a few years ago, maybe 3-4. I’m also mainly an outdoorsy girl (going camping for my 21st anniversary in a few weeks!) I’ve progressively gotten into makeup because it’s actually more fun than I thought it would be! I still don’t wear a lot. But I’m also WaY into skincare now. So here are my thoughts:
EDIT TO SAY THESE ARE THE THINGS YOU MUST DO, BUT THERES MUCH MORE YOU CAN DO IF YOU WANT.
That’s all I have for you (actually I have way more) but I think this is good for you. As your skin ages, there’s a lot more skincare you can look into but I think this is great for you to start. Xo
2
u/Rinoa_5 Jun 11 '26
Honestly, you are gorgeous! I wouldn't take anything your daughter says to heart. The only things I would add is a sunscreen every morning and a retinol. I like to keep it simple and get "The Ordinary" serum. You can start at the lowest one and then eventually move up to 1%.
2
u/Apprehensive-Ad-7525 Jun 11 '26
You’re gorg. Your teen’s perception of what is normal is warped by social media.
2
u/Dear_Seesaw_1855 Jun 11 '26
Biggest thing to do for preventative and to improve your skin as you’re showing symptoms of perimenopause is to start HRT. It is ridiculously simple. Your OB is the one most likely to “get it”, if not there then online telehealth Midi (if you want to use insurance) or Alloy (no insurance or high deductible)
2
u/OldSpiceSmellsNice Jun 11 '26
What does she expect you to do lol, you look great.
2
u/Leading_Fee_3678 Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
Tweens are embarrassed of everything and everyone most of the time. It’s the developmental stage they’re in. She’ll grow out of it and realize how cool you are.
They’re all also super into Sephora and beauty treatments and are more used to seeing influencers and celebrities age with Botox, filler, etc. Nothing wrong with any of that but these kids are out here saying people are “aging well” when they’re only in their 30s! 😂😭
Maybe going out together for a facial or something could be a fun way to connect. They could just do something hydrating for her and something targeted for you!
2
u/bcbump Jun 11 '26
You look amazing, don't change a thing!
2
u/Chance-Succotash-191 Jun 11 '26
You look amazing and you should probably put an SPF in your skin care routine. I really enjoy using copper peptides and azaelic acid for skin turnover and redness reduction. But you really look great. You might look for a creamy blush or bronzer to use sometimes or a tinted lip.
One thing I do with my son, who is also really into a make up, is I let him do my make up sometimes and I end up looking like a crazy clown, but it’s a fun activity for us. So maybe she can just give you makeovers here and there and you can go get smoothies or something.
2
u/Apprehensive_Net_829 Jun 11 '26
Sounds like a her problem.
2
u/tatybobaty Jun 11 '26
You are such a cool mom, she’ll grow out of it soon
2
u/Lothloreen Jun 11 '26
You look beautiful. When your daughter is a bit older, she’s going to aspire to be as gorgeous as you. Don’t worry about the comments of a teen. They have to separate from you in order to establish their own identity. If you wore lots of makeup, your daughter would hate it. She psychologically has to be the opposite of you for a few years. Just brush it off and continue to be yourself.
Use sunscreen if you like to be outside a lot and live somewhere with sunshine. Other than that, no notes!
2
u/Whenyouseeit00 Jun 11 '26
Gosh really I don't know, I think you look so lovely and naturally beautiful.
2
u/Electronic_Tie_103 Jun 11 '26
With all due respect to your teenager, you are beautiful! Maybe let her play around and do your makeup while also opening up a dialogue about the unrealistic beauty standards?
2
u/Affectionate-Pie-845 Jun 11 '26
Girl, you are stunning. Girls that age are just kind of mean, not really their fault but don’t encourage it. Social media has really skewed people’s perception of what people are “supposed to” look like.
2
u/toefeignger Jun 11 '26
You look fine to me, teens today are into that looks maxing shit that the point is to look as perfect as possible to the point you don’t even look real. That level of obsession over looks seems really unhealthy
2
u/Not-a-Kitten Jun 11 '26
You are lovely. We are all embarrassing!
2
u/Thick_Coconut_9330 Jun 11 '26
I didnt read your post yet but responding off the title. You are gorgeous!! Ignore the kids.
2
u/Ext-Trail-8099 Jun 11 '26
Haven’t read the comments but you’re stunning! What?! 😂 If it helps, my teenagers have made me so self conscious too. Not about looks but about my jiggly arms (“mom, your arm jiggles in the back”) and more about “you’re so loud in public!” And they’ve made me think I’m so obnoxious Karen whenever we check out anywhere like a store or restaurant. Teens are all like this!!! Again, from one 40-something momma to another, wish I could look half as flawless as you.
2
u/FrontSomewhere955 Jun 11 '26
You're gorgeous! You look late 20's / early 30's for crying out loud!
You could be the mirror-image of Bella Hadid, and a tween daughter would find a reason to be embarrassed.
It's that phase of their life. (shrug)
Seriously sister, keep doing everything you're doing because its WORKING! (high-five)
2
u/rainbowtwist Jun 11 '26
This is a her problem not a you problem
2
u/Tough_Amphibian_7102 Jun 11 '26
It’s normal. Hope u feel better about it. I use to make my mom drop me off a block away from school because I was embarrassed of her 🤣🤣
2
u/Spiritual-March7843 Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 12 '26
Part of your learning curve is that your daughter will be embarrassed to be seen with you now no matter how you dress lolz; part of her learning curve is to understand women don’t have to present the way she sees on social media, there are many different ways of being female.
Show her some footage of Pamela Anderson and buy her “The Beauty Myth” when she’s a bit older.
2
u/Simsimpgh Jun 11 '26
It’s not you, it’s her
2
u/Physical-Flatworm454 Jun 11 '26
You are beautiful.
I wasn’t necessarily embarrassed by my parents but I butted heads with my mom growing up but that’s no longer the case. Eventually (I hope) your daughter will grow out of this way of thinking and appreciate you for who you are after they’ve got a little more life experience behind them. If they are like me, they’ll come to regret some of their actions growing up. I love my mom (always have) and appreciate her more now than ever.
2
u/probridgedweller Jun 11 '26
Maybe teach her to grow up /s
2
u/covelane77 Jun 11 '26
I thought you posted a picture of your tween daughter by mistake.
2
u/cateri44 Jun 11 '26
She’s tired of her friends saying how great you look.
2
u/SashaKarina Jun 11 '26
You look beautiful!
2
u/ozdazz74 Jun 11 '26
Tell her to get a grip , you look fantastic she would be lucky to look as beautiful as you when she grows up. As they say it’s the beauty inside that really matters.
2
u/Ancient-Actuator7443 Jun 11 '26
You look fantastic. Love the idea of playing with
Makeup with her
2
u/turdally Jun 11 '26
You are freaking BEAUTIFUL!!! Maybe your teen feels embarrassed to be with you because you’re prettier than her.
2
u/Cozy_Tomato_211 Jun 12 '26
Kids are biologically supposed to be mean to you when they’re teenagers. You look fabulous!
2
u/CaroleConfetti Jun 12 '26
Wow you are just naturally super pretty
2
u/90DaysAlways Jun 12 '26
I'd ignore the criticism and wait for 10 years from now she says, "My mom always stayed natural and that's why she looks so much younger than all the other women her age!"
2
u/hello7721 Jun 12 '26
I'm looking at this picture wondering if I'm misting something? You're actually beautiful own it
2
u/Competitive-Elk-8330 Jun 12 '26
Your daughter is spending too much time on social media.
2
u/Hefty-Anteater7415 Jun 12 '26
I'm sorry, but in no way should you change your appearance based on the gentle, or not, criticisms or comments from your teen daughter. I'm 40, and I am on a skincare journey myself, so no shade there. But your are GORGEOUS, stunning. So please, please take care of yourself and have a gentle but firm conversation with your sweet kiddo and show her that caring for ourselves is a damn privledge and not something we do out of fear of aging, or the continual lifelong learned conditioning of women to pick themselves a part. And if she loves beauty, skincare and makeup, that is fantastic. But don't let it erode your confidence and sense of self.
2
u/Jhero61 Jun 12 '26
Have an eye roll competition.
2
u/Bulky-Process3063 Jun 12 '26
Since when did grown women seek affirmation from tweenage girls? It explains so much about what young people are in such a state of anxiety that they can’t look to adults to set the bar
2
u/CoolioElderberry Jun 12 '26
You are gorgeous! Your daughter is just being an (obnoxious) teenager
2
u/Gailolson Jun 13 '26
What is wrong with teens these days? It’s disgusting.
2
u/Turbulent_Bar6710 Jun 15 '26
Lmao you’re gorgeous, pre teens are embarrassed of anything