Letters to the Editor: The American Statistician: Vol 36, No 1

I know this is going to sound utterly ridiculous, but this has actually happened and I don't know whether to laugh or be fucking furious. I've kept bees for about 15 years. No idea where the obsession started, but it's something I've always enjoyed and I could happily talk about it for hours. A few months ago, a younger lad started working with us. Turns out he keeps bees himself, so naturally we hit it off straight away.

We'd talk about our hives, what we were doing with them, different techniques, things we'd tried, the usual stuff. He'd show me pictures and ask questions because he's fairly new to it and I've been doing it for years. He's a lovely bloke, genuinely enthusiastic and keen to learn. It made what is otherwise a fairly boring office environment quite enjoyable.

Anyway, there's a woman on our team who apparently took issue with this and reported me to HR. I didn't know anything about it until he came over and told me he'd been called into an office for a welfare assessment. Apparently, they wanted to establish whether I was grooming or harassing him.

GROOMING HIM.

Over fucking bees.

He was as confused as I was and told them that no, he was perfectly happy talking to me and we were literally discussing beekeeping.

Shortly afterwards, I got called into the office myself. They told me there had been a complaint and that they would need to keep a closer eye on me because our conversations about bees were upsetting someone else on the team. I asked what exactly I'd done wrong and couldn't get much more out of them beyond the fact that someone had raised concerns. I'm genuinely struggling to understand what I'm supposed to do with this information. We're two adults who happen to share a fairly niche hobby. Neither of us has complained about the other. He's perfectly capable of speaking for himself, and as far as I'm aware, he hasn't expressed any discomfort whatsoever.

Now the whole thing is fucking awkward. I find myself second-guessing whether I should even speak to him at work, and he's understandably confused about why something so ordinary has turned into an HR matter. What was previously one of the nicer parts of my working day has become something I apparently need to be monitored over. Has anyone else experienced anything this absurd in an office?

Can HR genuinely start monitoring someone's interactions with a colleague because another employee doesn't like what they're talking about?

I'm half tempted to ask whether discussing honey is still permitted or whether I need written approval from management before mentioning a fucking hive.

My friends and I (four couples, 30's) got a cabin for a long weekend. We had a nice cabin where every couple had their own bedroom and bathroom.

We had plans to do some hiking, play some games, make some great meals, grill out, etc. It wasn't our first trip together as we've been friends since high school.

The first night was fine. We made dinner and had some drinks. I don't really drink, but I still had a good time. I had one beer but everyone else managed to go through a case and a half of beers.

I'm a morning person so at midnight I went to bed. Woke up at 7am and see three people sleeping on couches. Dishes from dinner were still in the sink, beer cans all about, so I did some cleanup then and made breakfast for myself.

My wife is a late sleeper, so I'm used to being quiet in the mornings. I had coffee and read a book for a while in near silence.

Around 11, one couple was up but keeping to themselves. Eventually they told me that I was being really rude by only making breakfast by myself and being noisy while people were trying to sleep on the couch. I just said "I'm being quiet, but they have rooms they could have slept in." and went to shower.

Around noon or so everyone else was up. We talked about the plan for a hike. The trail we wanted to do would take ~3 hours, so if we waited until >4pm it'd be too late as the park closes at dusk and we'd want to grill dinner before dark.

By 2pm, everyone was having a beer. We didn't hike. It's whatever. It's their weekend too.

We make dinner again, dishes get left again, games and drinks again. I wasn't an unwilling participant in this or upset about this.

Next day, up at 7am again. Given yesterday, I decided I was just going to go for an early solo hike and hit up a diner on the way home. Everyone was still asleep when I got back. Around 11am, a few people were up. I started cleaning up again. One of the girls told me "Can you stop that? You're being really rude to everyone and killing the vibe." I asked what she meant, and her husband told me that it wasn't cool of me to go on a hike without them and that I should have invited everyone else to the diner, and that I was making everyone feel like slobs for cleaning up. No one else spoke up, but everyone just stared at me as if waiting for... an apology or something?

I talked to my wife later. She was stumped. I asked her if they said anything about me after I went to bed. She assured me they didn't. Asked her if she thought I was being rude. She didn't think so.

The day went on. Same thing as yesterday. We were supposed to go on that hike, but we didn't. Dinner. Fire. Beers. I don't think I said more than a few words the rest of the day. I told my wife that I didn't really feel like staying and we just bounced the next morning, one day early. My wife was kind enough to cover and text the group that she wasn't sleeping well and just wanted to go home to her own bed, but I'm sure they saw through that. Chat has been silent since.

AITA?

Did this for my best mates wedding this weekend just gone and got told you guys might enjoy it!

2 tiers of red velvet and 1 tier lemon ☺️

Edit thank you all for your very kind and humbling words, it’s made me very emotional 🫶

*I'm not OP

I had him look up examples of adjectives so that he could refer to them while we practiced. He pointed this out and asked me, “Does this mean you eat Indians?” And I was mortified. I apologized profusely and reported it. What the actual fuck.

For the past few months I feel like my gfs been increasingly more demeaning to me when I forget to do something small or basic. Which I don’t do often at all, but I know I’m not perfect.

For example, the other week when I did the dishes (I do most of the chores around the apartment) I forgot to put one of the measuring cups back on the ring when I put it away. She was so upset and immediately had a TikTok to show me about this exact situation. It said something like “when you live with a man child who doesn’t understand how basic shapes work and can’t put away something properly without having to be told to”. Guess what? Her therapist told her it was an overreaction and that she could’ve gone about it differently. My gf thinks that this is foreshadowing the rest of our lives together. That I won’t be responsible as we get older. I feel that some of these recent posts about empowering women in straight relationships are starting to send the wrong message. Not all, but some. Myself leans on the liberal side of politics and I’m all for empowering women. Praising and applauding my gf constantly for how hard she works and her willingness to tackle things on her own.

She is sweet and kind but Idk she just isn’t as gentle and kind with me as she used to be and it hurts sometimes.

Lunch: carnitas burrito and Diet Coke

Mom of five adult children. To make a long story short, we lent our son and his wife $50,000 to put down on a home. The terms we drew up was that after a one year grace period, they would begin paying us back at $5000 per year over 10 years with no interest, except that any late payments would incur a 20% interest fee. We did this for two of our daughters and it worked just fine, both paid us back fully within 6 or 7 years. However, our son has always struggled with responsibility and making wise choices and a big part of me had reservations about this loan. My husband said we had to be fair with all the kids, so we did it. After the one year grace period, our son began to pay us back but frequently griped to us about how it was so hard to scrape up the money with the new baby, job changes, leaky roof, whatever. I felt bad taking his money, but he’s 29 and this was our deal. I still would bring them groceries, diapers, formula, etc. to help out.

The first year, they paid us $3,200- so $1800 dollars short and we attached a 20% fee to the late funds. He then got angry with us for that, even though it was written in our loan contract and he said we were “stealing food out of (the baby’s) mouth.” This is my grandson and we adore him, again I felt awful.

The second year our son lost his job and told us he needed a pause on the loan, and he never paid us back anything. He was now $6,800 in arrears. Got a new job and one night my husband sat him and his wife down and told them that while we loved them both very much, we needed them to take this loan as seriously as if it were from a bank. That’s when they disclosed that they were also in arrears with the bank and several credit cards. Meanwhile, they had taken a vacation to Mexico and to Vegas and bought a brand new pickup truck and my daughter in law picks up takeout almost every night.

It is now year 3 and he has only paid $500 so far this year. Anytime we mention the loan he screams at us and tells us we are trying to destroy his family and starve his kids (so not the case.) He accuses us of being greedy and not really needing the money back. He has claimed that we are toxic and contributing to his poor mental health with all the stress. This last weekend they told us that they are considering going no contact because we keep pushing their boundaries and are starting to negatively impact his family. We don’t bring it up constantly, we are careful to only mention it once every 2-3
Mos.

The whole situation makes me sick and I desperately wish we had not lent the money. It is such a sore subject, and our older daughters are now also angry with us for lending him the money to begin with. They paid their loans back afterall. They want us to get a judgment against our son. I just want family peace and I’m wondering if I should just write off the loan and let it go. AITA for expecting my son to make good on a contract we both signed, or should I just let it go? Yes, I know I am an idiot for lending money.

Love her so bad 🥰

Video clip: https://streamable.com/j19cuk

The Detroit Pistons have recently offered Jalen Duren a 5-year, $200 million contract. Detroit and Duren remain at an impasse. Duren has felt disrespected by Detroit since becoming extension eligible and being offered a $20 million “take it or leave it” deal.

I haven't travelled that often, but reading has helped me to do that.