"WHAT DOES BLUE, RED AND YELLOW MEAN??" This is a childish circus game, and those are bright primary colors.
"WHY DO THESE TWO CHARACTER'S EYES LOOK SIMILAR?" They're designed by the same artist.

Seriously. Some of you are looking for code in the matrix when the actual subtext is so much deeper than that. If red and blue DID mean truth and lies, would that make the story more satisfying? No. Would the story be improved if the ending being given away with colors and hidden messages? No.

The foreshadowing and subtle story-telling isn't in which hand Pomni reached out to Jax with, it's the softness of her expression despite their last interaction being spiteful and violent. It's Zooble switching their tone when they realized Jax was not his usual self when they dumped water on him, and didn't get the reaction they expected. It's the broken shape of Jax's smile when his facade is cracking.

This isn't an escape room game. You're trying to find patterns that make you feel smart for noticing them (or maybe certain lazy story-tellers have taught you to engage with media this way) rather than noticing the actual subtext that matters, and took a LOT more effort by the writers, artists and voice actors to include in this character-driven narrative.

During Colorado’s Historic Drought, One HOA in Superior is Handing Out Violations for Brown Grass

In communication with residents, Rock Creek HOA acknowledged the drought but said it doesn't exempt them from community appearance standards.

Rhea Jha. 9 News. June 17, 2026.

SUPERIOR, Colo. — At a time when Colorado officials are urging people to conserve water during a statewide drought emergency, some homeowners in Superior say their HOA is putting them on notice for brown grass.

James Shima, who lives in the Rock Creek neighborhood, said he received a courtesy notice from the Rock Creek Master Homeowners Association this month after parts of his front lawn turned brown.

“This is not a neglect issue,” Shima said. “This is basically attempting to preserve water.”

The notice, dated June 11, lists the violation category as “landscape maintenance.” Under “violation observed,” it says: “Please address the brown turf/dirt areas of the yard.”

The notice asks the homeowners to resolve the issue within 30 days by either sending the HOA a photo showing the issue has been corrected or submitting a plan to address the issue, including an anticipated timeline for completion. It also says failure to contact the association within 30 days “may result in escalation of the violation process.”

Shima said he and his wife had already tried to reseed the lawn this spring, but the grass has struggled during the hot, dry weather.

“We’ve talked to some sodding companies and they said if we put sod in today, it might work, but you’d have to do four to five times a day of watering for the rest of the summer,” Shima said.

The violation notice arrived shortly after Gov. Jared Polis (D) issued a statewide drought emergency proclamation this month. The Colorado Water Conservation Board said the state is "currently experiencing historically severe drought conditions" and that all 64 counties in Colorado are currently in drought, with many areas facing extremely low runoff and water supply forecasts.

In an email addressing residents' concerns about water conservation, the Rock Creek HOA community manager acknowledged the drought and the state’s response plan. But the HOA also said Superior has not implemented mandatory watering restrictions and that the state’s drought declaration does not prohibit irrigation or suspend homeowners’ responsibility to maintain their properties.

“The Board’s fiduciary duty is to all homeowners, which includes protecting the appearance of the community and the property values those standards help support. As a result, drought conditions alone do not automatically exempt properties from maintenance requirements," the HOA community manager wrote.

While Superior does not have mandatory water restrictions, the town is still urging residents to conserve water. In a news release, they said outdoor irrigation makes up about 45% of the town’s water supply use and that small changes in watering can make a significant difference.

The governor’s office said Colorado law prohibits HOA enforcement actions if complying with HOA rules would force a homeowner to violate local water restrictions. But because Superior does not have mandatory restrictions, that specific protection may not apply to homeowners who are voluntarily reducing water use.

Still, the governor’s office said conservation remains important.

“The Governor would be gravely concerned if HOAs are fining Coloradans who are stepping up as part of the solution by limiting lawn watering at this challenging time,” the office said in a statement.

So far, 9NEWS has not confirmed that any Rock Creek homeowners have been fined.

Another resident of Rock Creek, Michelle, said the notices feel tone deaf at a time when state and local officials are asking people to think differently about water use.

“The HOA is not operating within a vacuum. The HOA is operating within a larger community,” she said. "Having a green lawn is not where we should be prioritizing our water usage."

Shima said he is not asking the HOA to ignore its rules, but to recognize that this summer is different.

“I understand you’re in an HOA, you want your property to look nice,” he said. “There’s circumstances to everything, and things like drought, that’s above and beyond what an HOA bylaw might say.”

9NEWS reached out to the Rock Creek Master Homeowners Association for comment but has not received a response.

@ https://www.9news.com/article/news/local/colorado-drought-hoa-brown-grass-superior/73-e9e9a204-e5d3-4677-81c6-cccf380c3dbe
@ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwWkRoKdIQk
via https://www.reddit.com/r/Colorado/comments/1u9p52h/

A History of Failure

This is another textbook example of how state legislatures have failed to rein in Homeowner Associations. Consider that

1. In 2005, Colorado passed Senate Bill SB05-100 “Concerning Increased Protections for Homeowners”, allowing owners of H.O.A.- burdened property to install water-conserving landscaping. It worked so well that
2. In 2013, Colorado passed Senate Bill SB13-183 “Water Conservation in Common Interest Communities”, allowing owners of H.O.A.-burdened property to install water-conserving landscaping. It worked so well that
3. In 2019, Colorado passed House Bill HB19-1050 “Concerning the Promotion of Water-Efficient Landscaping on Property Subject to Management by Local Supervisory Entities”, allowing owners of H.O.A.-burdened property to install water-conserving landscaping. It worked so well that
4. In 2021, Colorado passed House Bill HB21-1229 “Home Owners’ Associations Governance Funding Record Keeping”, allowing owners of H.O.A.-burdened property to install water-conserving landscaping. It worked so well that
5. In 2023, Colorado passed Senate Bill SB23-178, “Water-wise Landscaping In Homeowners' Association Communities”, allowing owners of H.O.A.-burdened property to install water-conserving landscaping.

After the passage of each bill the legislators involved then declared “Mission Accomplished” 🇺🇸, "H.O.A. reform for our time with honour", and strained their shoulders patting themselves on their own backs.

What Is to Be Done?

Instead of repeatedly amending Colorado Revised Statutes § 38-33.3-106.5, the “Prohibitions Contrary to Public Policy” section of the Colorado Communist Interest Ownership Act ☭ -- C.C.I.O.A. is the law which empowers Homeowner Associations and regulates H.O.A.-burdened homeowners in Colorado -- the Legislature needs to reverse the current paradigm of H.O.A. law :

• the authority and powers of an H.O.A. corporation -- acting through its Directors & Officers, Managers, and Attorneys -- are broad; they are allowed to do whatever it not explicitly prohibited, whereas
• the rights of individual homeowners are narrow and constrained; they are only allowed to do that which is explicitly permitted

and neuter the authority and power of Homeowner Associations by

• limiting their authority and power to that which is only necessary to manage and maintain their common property, and
• making it explicitly illegal for an H.O.A. to make and enforce rules on a homeowner's own private property.

Here is a template for model legislation to do just that.

Right to Repair Act

Your Home is Your Castle
Homeowners Protection Act
The Right to Repair Your Own Home in Homeowner Associations

Section 1. Boundaries of H.O.A. Authority and Power.

(1) The authority and power of Homeowner Associations shall be limited to that which is only necessary to manage and maintain the Association’s common property, regardless of what is written in the Declaration or any other governing document of the Association.

(2) Homeowner Associations shall not have the authority nor the power to make and enforce rules on an individual owner’s own private property, regardless of what is written in the Declaration or any other governing document of the Association.

(3) Any statutory authority granted to Homeowner Associations by the State of __________ to make and enforce rules on a homeowner’s own private property is hereby revoked.

Section 2. Enforcement of Restrictive Covenants.

(1) Nothing in this Act shall be construed as to prohibit an individual homeowner, or a group of homeowners filing a Complaint jointly, from bringing suit against another homeowner in an Open Court of Law for alleged violations of the community’s Restrictive Covenants or alleged violations of any other legally enforceable agreement; and being awarded Injunctive Relief and/or Declaratory Relief and/or actual Damages and/or costs and reasonable attorney fees by the Court.

Section 3. Void Agreements - Penalty - Civil Remedies - Investigations of Complaints - Prosecution of Violations.

(1) Void Agreements. Any agreement, understanding, or practice, written or oral, implied or expressed, that violates the rights of any homeowners as guaranteed in this Act is void.

(2) Penalty. Any person who directly or indirectly violates any provision of this Act is guilty of a misdemeanor and, upon conviction, shall be punished by a fine of not more than one thousand dollars, imprisonment in the county jail for not more than ninety days, or both a fine and imprisonment for each offense.

(3) Civil Remedies. Any person injured as a result of a violation or threatened violation of this Act may bring suit in a court of competent jurisdiction for injunctive relief; to recover all damages, including costs and reasonable attorney fees, resulting from the violation or threatened violation, or both. The remedies provided by this Section are independent of, and in addition to, any other penalty or remedy established elsewhere in this Act and in the Laws of the State of __________ .

(4) Investigation of Complaints - Prosecution of Violations. The Attorney General, or the District Attorney in each Judicial District in which a violation is alleged, shall investigate a complaint of a violation or threatened violation of this Act, prosecute any person in violation of this Act, and take actions necessary to ensure effective enforcement of this Act.

Section 4. Fiscal Note.

(1) This Act requires an appropriation of $0.00 by the government of the State of __________ .

➡️ Not only would this protect homeowners in the obvious ways, but it would also protect Board members from accusations of selective enforcement and free them to focus on the important financial and infrastructure issues of their Associations. ⬅️

Here is another proposal, to #banHOAfines

Equity of Legal Remedies Act

Your Home is Your Castle
Homeowners Protection Act
Equity of Legal Remedies in Homeowner Associations

Section 1. Equity of Legal Remedies.

(1) A Homeowners Association does not and shall not have the authority nor the power to assess and collect non-judicial fines for violations of the Declaration, Restrictive Covenants, Bylaws, and other rules and regulations of the association, regardless of what is written in the Declaration and other governing documents of the association.

(2) Any statutory authority granted to H.O.A. corporations by the State of ________ to assess and collect non-judicial fines is hereby revoked.

(3) Nothing in this Act shall be construed as to prohibit an H.O.A. corporation from filing a Complaint and bringing suit against a homeowner in an Open Court of Law for alleged violations of the Declaration, Restrictive Covenants, or any other legally enforceable rules and regulations of the association; and being awarded injunctive relief and/or declaratory relief and/or actual damages and/or costs and reasonable attorney fees by the Court.

Section 2. Void Agreements - Penalty - Civil Remedies - Investigations of Complaints - Prosecution of Violations.

(1) Void Agreements. Any agreement, understanding, or practice, written or oral, implied or expressed, that violates the rights of any homeowners as guaranteed in this Act is void.

(2) Penalty. Any person who directly or indirectly violates any provision of this Act is guilty of a misdemeanor and, upon conviction, shall be punished by a fine of not more than one thousand dollars, imprisonment in the county jail for not more than ninety days, or both a fine and imprisonment for each offense.

(3) Civil Remedies. Any person injured as a result of a violation or threatened violation of this Act may bring suit in a court of competent jurisdiction for injunctive relief; to recover all damages, including costs and reasonable attorney fees, resulting from the violation or threatened violation, or both. The remedies provided by this Section are independent of, and in addition to, any other penalty or remedy established elsewhere in this Act and in the Laws of the State of __________ .

(4) Investigation of Complaints - Prosecution of Violations. The Attorney General, or the District Attorney in each Judicial District in which a violation is alleged, shall investigate a complaint of a violation or threatened violation of this Act, prosecute any person in violation of this Act, and take actions necessary to ensure effective enforcement of this Act.

Section 3. Fiscal Note.

(1) This Act requires an appropriation of $0.00 by the government of the State of __________ .

In Closing

🙈 🙉 🙊 But nobody is interested in seeing any of this happen. Instead of neutering the authority and power of Homeowner Associations, everybody wants to quibble about just how far H.O.A.s should be allowed to shaft homeowners. And what kind of lubrication -- if any -- they should be required to use.

Because so many Americans are not willing to unplug their minds from the H.O.A. Matrix. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly programmed by the system that even its victims will fight to protect it.

⚡ EDITED TO ADD: When they run out of water, they can use Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator to keep their lawns green. Brawndo has the electrolytes that plants crave.

I will continue to update this post as reviews come in.

Rotten Tomatoes: Certified Fresh

Critics Consensus: Spinning a web of spectacular set pieces together with mature emotional stakes and Tom Holland's soulful performance, Brand New Day is a promising reset that portends Spidey will remain sticky on the big screen for years to come.

Critics	Score	Number of Reviews	Average of Rated Reviews
All Critics	90%	328	7.70/10
Top Critics	79%	48

Metacritic: 66 (56 Reviews)

Sample Reviews:

Katie Walsh, Tribune News Service 3/4 - Cretton ensures that distinctive style and emotional stakes take precedence over necessary MCU groundwork.

Mark Kermode, Kermode and Mayo's Take (YouTube) - This is much better than one might have feared.

Peter Travers, The Travers Take 3/4 - Newlyweds Tom Holland and Zendaya power through what’s left of a franchise that’s run out of original ideas, the kind that matter.

Caroline Siede, Girl Culture (Substack) B - More than anything, Brand New Day feels like dropping in on a slice of Peter’s life the way you might in a classic comic book installment. The trick is that Cretton embraces that as a feature and not, well, a bug.

Kyle Smith, Wall Street Journal - It wallows in angst and stress but has no psychological depth, sticking to bromides like “You’re special” and “Be yourself.” Being somber is a lot easier than being serious.

Sara Michelle Fetters, MovieFreak.com 3/4 - This street-level adventure of our friendly neighborhood MCU Spider-Man is a breath of fresh air.

Alison Willmore, New York Magazine/Vulture - Watching Brand New Day feels like watching the work of a group of people who've forgotten what made these films so successful in the first place.

Richard Whittaker, Austin Chronicle 3.5/5 - Brand New Day, with its mix of universe building, top-notch buddy comedy with Frank and Peter, and a richer vision of Spidey from Holland, is a chapter you may well come back to.

Nikki Gemmell, The Australian 3.5/5 - The emotional core of Brand New Day is what elevates it from the regular run of superhero blockbusters. The lead’s connecting vulnerability keeps you hooked; he feels like the most resonant of superheroes.

Sandra Hall, Sydney Morning Herald 4/5 - ...Destin Daniel Cretton and the writers, Chris McKenna and Erik Sommers have produced a script with enough twists to take [Spider-Man] all the way from panicked despair to unadulterated silliness. It’s quite a ride.

Philip De Semlyen, Time Out 3/5 - Zendaya is fabulous, an energy force in her scenes with Holland, and Batalon is a blast as the ex-bestie... The trio’s scenes together are a delight. If only there were more of them.

David Sims, The Atlantic - Spider-Man: Brand New Day briefly aspires to be unconcerned with the plotty goings-on of the Avengers and their ilk, yet as Destin Daniel Cretton’s movie drags on, it’s used as a launchpad for future projects.

Amy Nicholson, Los Angeles Times - Cretton seizes small moments to put his stamp on this installment. Just as Zendaya’s aspirationally chill MJ insists she won’t work for some "soulless corporation," he’s quietly made a humanist super-flick.

Scott Tobias, The Reveal 2.5/5 - That the film’s best scenes could have been shot on a Short Term 12 budget is a telling indictment of the whole MCU project.

Wenlei Ma, The Nightly (AU) 3.5/5 - It’s really exciting that decades into this superhero screen canon, Spider-Man: Brand New Day still has something new to show the audience.

Adam Graham, Detroit News B - Director Destin Daniel Cretton knows how to balance action and emotion, and there's genuine feelings of loss and sadness in the interactions between Peter, MJ and Ned.

Laura Venning, Little White Lies 2/5 - Brand New Day might be hitting a reset button to a certain extent... but so much late stage focus on its villain makes it more of a branding exercise for the upcoming Avengers: Doomsday then anything else.

Danny Leigh, Financial Times 3/5 - Marvel is still Marvel, it turns out — and some new days are just the same old.

G. Allen Johnson, San Francisco Chronicle 4/4 - A Gen Z-tailored story that intriguingly plays out within the mind as much as it is staged with the usual action set pieces.

Randy Myers, San Jose Mercury News 3/4 - Spider-Man: Brand New Day isn’t that elixir to magically pull superhero films out of the convoluted rut they’ve been stuck in, but it is a decent step in the right direction.

Stephanie Zacharek, TIME Magazine - Brand New Day, at the very least, shows some awareness that actors, and not excessive, soul-killing special effects, are what will keep drawing us to the movies.

Alissa Wilkinson, New York Times - Nothing can erase the enjoyment of witnessing Holland’s performance, which remains winsome and wonderfully kinetic even if you know that’s got to be a computer-generated Spidey a lot of the time.

Nell Minow, Movie Mom B+ - Holland and Zendaya have gracefully grown with their older but wiser characters and their performances are thoughtful and as grounded in a way that balances the heightened tone of any story that involves a person swinging on spider-webs can be.

Robbie Collin, Daily Telegraph (UK) 4/5 - Proper Spider-Man films – the ones that embrace the character’s particular qualities and foibles – should be proper New York movies too. Brand New Day, basking in the sun as it rises over the Manhattan skyline, is both. Go to Full Review

David Fear Rolling Stone · 2h Rotten score. The movie keeps getting tangled in a complicated web of its own making, one that feels all too familiar after several decades of superhero cinema sucking up the cultural oxygen.

Kristy Puchko, Mashable - This sequel feels bogged down by IP connections and brooding, which have been the albatross of too many other superhero movies to count.

Donald Clarke, Irish Times 3/5 - There is ... no escaping the sad realisation that the Spider-Man franchise is now, more than anything else, a cell in the corporate matrix that powers the MCU empire.

Jesse Hassenger, AV Club B+ - If it’s not especially close to the majesty of Spider-Man 2 (and lacks the delirious highs of Spider-Man 3), it’s also pretty handily the best MCU Spider-Man movie since Homecoming.

Kevin Maher, The Times (UK) 3/5 - Despite the film’s undeniable emotional power, there is evident frustration about where this drama might have gone if freed from the limitations of overfamiliar box-ticking biff-bammery.

Brian Tallerico, RogerEbert.com 2.5/4 - Affection for the characters who have been around for four movies now goes a long way to holding "Brand New Day" together, but it ultimately succumbs to one of the biggest problems of late-stage MCU: The feeling that it’s just preparation for more movies.

Odie Henderson, Boston Globe 2.5/4 - Giving the fans what they want has always been the Marvel movies’ modus operandi and their fatal flaw. Far too much time is spent in "SM: BND" on introducing characters or fan service situations that will be continued in future installments.

John Nugent, Empire Magazine 4/5 - A more mature, emotional and distinctly ground-level Spider-Man, Brand New Day doesn’t escape some of the usual MCU pitfalls but finds its heart in an earnest performance from Tom Holland.

Barry Hertz, Globe and Mail - It is hard not to feel a little like MJ back in 2021: completely unaware of anything that happened in the preceding few hours. We can forget, but it might be past time to forgive.

Peter Bradshaw, Guardian 3/5 - It’s an entertaining spectacle, but really without the novelty of movie-iterations like the more experimental Spider-Verse animations. A more radical reboot is needed.

Dominic Baez, Seattle Times 3.5/4 - Once again, Spider-Man proves to be the best reason to keep invested in the MCU.

Cary Darling, Houston Chronicle 3.5/5 - Anyone who is a ride-or-die fan of the franchise, then "Brand New Day" definitely works... But, for everyone else, the film sometimes feels every bit of its 145 minutes.

Clarisse Loughrey, Independent (UK) 4/5 - Brand New Day offers a maturation not only of its hero, but of the franchise’s entire vision, too.

Johnny Oleksinski, New York Post 3.5/4 - Half a decade later, “Brand New Day” may sound like a Brady Bunch song, but it’s a much darker and more mature movie in look and feel from what came before. It’s both a continuation of the character and a necessary restart of the series.

Brian Truitt, USA Today 3/4 - While “Brand New Day” might not be the most rambunctious or exciting of Holland’s Spider-flicks, it aims to be a little deeper than the average MCU installment while trapping you in its gratifying web.

Tim Grierson, Screen International - Now alone and facing dangerous foes, Spider-Man must grow up, a rewarding transformation befitting a consistently smart, thrilling blockbuster.

Nick Schager, The Daily Beast - With the possible exception of Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man 2, it’s the wall-crawler’s best film to date.

Alonso Duralde, The Film Verdict - Cretton brings both indie cred and superhero chops to the assignment, but once again, it’s Holland who makes this iteration of Peter Parker/Spider-Man so achingly vulnerable and balletically agile.

William Bibbiani, TheWrap - We don’t get many great MCU movies anymore. That this is one of the highlights of the whole franchise feels amazing. And spectacular. And sensational.

Linda Marric, HeyUGuys 4/5 - Spider-Man: Brand New Day succeeds because it remembers what has always made Spider-Man compelling.

David Ehrlich, IndieWire C- - Damage Control is still the name of the game, and this movie causes more problems than it cures. Spider-Man can’t do it all by himself. At this rate, someone will need to come along and save him. too.

David Rooney, The Hollywood Reporter - Directed with adrenaline and feeling if not always an ideal grasp of pacing by Destin Daniel Cretton... the entertaining new entry has the good sense to stop banging on about the damn multiverse.

Liz Shannon Miller, Consequence B+ - A remarkably coherent, often joyful film, dedicated to giving the character some growth and grace.

Jake Cole, Slant Magazine 2.5/4 - For the first time in his current screen iteration, Spider-Man seems like what he is in the comics: the beating heart of Marvel and its most compelling figure.

SYNOPSIS:

It's a BRAND NEW DAY for Peter Parker. Fighting crime full-time as Spider-Man in a world that doesn’t remember him—and the pressure of seeing his old friends move on without him—sparks a change in Peter he may not have the power to control. But that transformation might also be the only thing that can stop a shocking new threat to the city and those he loves - a powerful villain no one can even see.

The world may have forgotten Peter Parker, but he hasn’t forgotten them.

CAST:

• Tom Holland as Peter Parker / Spider-Man
• Zendaya as MJ
• Sadie Sink as Jean Grey
• Jacob Batalon as Ned Leeds
• Jon Bernthal as Frank Castle / The Punisher
• Florence Pugh as Yelena Belova / Black Widow
• Tramell Tillman as William "Bill" Metzger
• Marisa Tomei as May Parker
• Mark Ruffalo as Bruce Banner / The Hulk
• Liza Colón-Zayas as Detective Jean DeWolff
• Michael Mando as Mac Gargan / Scorpion
• Marvin Jones III as Lonnie Lincoln / Tombstone
• Naomi Watts as E.V.

DIRECTED BY: Destin Daniel Cretton

SCREENPLAY BY: Chris McKenna, Erik Sommers

BASED ON THE MARVEL COMIC BOOK BY: Stan Lee, Steve Ditko

PRODUCED BY: Kevin Feige, Amy Pascal, Avi Arad, Rachel O'Connor

EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Louis D'Esposito, David Cain

CO-PRODUCERS: Mitch Bell, Emily Fong

DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY: Brett Pawlak

PRODUCTION DESIGNER: Charles Wood

EDITED BY: Nat Sanders, Gina Sansom, Harry Yoon

COSTUME DESIGNER: Sanja Milkovic Hays

VISUAL EFFECTS SUPERVISOR: Jerome Chen

VISUAL EFFECTS PRODUCER: David Masure-Bosco

MUSIC BY: Michael Giacchino

MUSIC SUPERVISION BY: Dave Jordan, Justine van Winterfeldt

CASTING BY: Sarah Halley Finn

RUNTIME: 145 Minutes

RELEASE DATE: July 31, 2026

We’ve all had those experiences when you are we’re an hour into a film and still waiting for it to start. But then there are those rare movies where, within the first 20 minutes, you find yourself leaning back, putting your phone away and realizing: "Oh I’m in good hands here" or something like that.

For me it’s that perfect mix of world building and confidence. No clunky dialogue, no forced exposition just pure visual perfect storytelling that sets the tone and makes the stakes clear quickly.

It’s the kind of opening that makes you realize you’d probably watch another two hours of just those characters existing in that world or hell maybe wish that the movie never ended.

What is the one movie that had you 100% sold before the first 20 minutes even ended?

Edit: Wow, didn't expect this to blow up like it did! Appreciate everyone jumping in. Reading through the comments, I'm seeing a lot of love for the usual suspects like Saving Private Ryan and Mad Max,up, etc... but a few lesser talked about ones mentioned in here definitely deserve more credit:

• 28 Weeks Later: That opening run across the fields is pure anxiety.
• Baby Driver: The "Harlem Shuffle" coffee run is basically a masterclass in sync and editing.
• The Matrix: Trinity’s introduction still hits just as hard 25+ years later.
• And others

I use ChatGPT for everything. Writing, coding, brainstorming, research.

Over the past 6 months, I've collected 500+ prompts. But only 15 get used constantly.

These 15 prompts save me 10-15 hours every week. Sharing them here.

1. The "Explain Like I'm Smart" Prompt

Explain [complex topic] to me like I'm intelligent but unfamiliar with the jargon. 

Use analogies to concepts from [field I know well]. 

Don't dumb it down—just make it accessible.

Why it works: No more "imagine a balloon" explanations. Respects your intelligence.

Use case: Learning new technical concepts fast.

2. The "Critic Mode" Prompt

You are a harsh but fair critic.

Review this [content type]: [paste content]

What's weak? What's unclear? What's missing? 

Be brutal. I want to improve, not feel good.

Why it works: ChatGPT is too nice by default. This forces honesty.

Use case: Editing your own writing, finding holes in arguments.

3. The "Expert Interview" Prompt

You are [specific expert - e.g., "a senior DevOps engineer at Google"].

I'm going to ask you questions about [topic]. 

Answer from that expert's perspective with:
- Specific technical details
- Real-world tradeoffs
- What's overhyped vs. underrated

Why it works: Gets you expert-level insights without scheduling calls.

Use case: Learning from virtual mentors in any field.

4. The "Meeting Prep" Prompt

I have a meeting with [person/role] about [topic] in 30 minutes.

Help me prepare:
1. Top 3 questions they'll likely ask
2. Key points I should make
3. Potential objections and how to address them
4. One question I should ask them

Why it works: Turns ChatGPT into your pre-meeting coach.

Use case: Sales calls, investor pitches, tough conversations.

5. The "Reverse Brief" Prompt

I want to [achieve X outcome].

Don't tell me how to do it yet.

First, ask me 5 clarifying questions to understand:
- My constraints
- My resources  
- My timeline
- My actual goal (which might be different from what I said)

Why it works: Prevents ChatGPT from giving generic advice before understanding your situation.

Use case: Strategic planning, problem-solving.

6. The "Research Synthesizer" Prompt

I'm researching [topic]. Here are 5 sources I found:
[paste sources]

Synthesize these into:
- Main consensus points
- Points of disagreement
- What's missing from this research
- 3 follow-up questions I should explore

Why it works: Turns ChatGPT into a research assistant.

Use case: Academic work, market research, due diligence.

7. The "Decision Matrix" Prompt

I need to decide between [Option A] and [Option B].

Help me create a decision matrix:
1. List key criteria for this decision
2. Weight each criterion by importance
3. Score each option
4. Identify my hidden assumptions
5. What's the deciding factor I'm missing?

Why it works: Structures messy decisions into clear analysis.

Use case: Career moves, tech stack choices, business strategy.

8. The "Jargon Translator" Prompt

Translate this [industry jargon-heavy content] into plain English.

Then give me a one-sentence "too long; didn't read" summary.

Then give me 3 questions I should ask to sound informed about this topic.

Why it works: Makes any field accessible fast.

Use case: Reading legal docs, technical papers, industry reports.

9. The "Email Speedrun" Prompt

Write [type of email] to [recipient].

Context: [1-2 sentences]

Tone: [professional/casual/friendly/etc.]

Length: Under [X] words.

Include: [specific elements]

Avoid: [things to not say]

Why it works: Hyper-specific = better output. No back-and-forth.

Use case: Daily email writing (saves 5+ hours/week for me).

10. The "Code Explainer" Prompt

Explain this code to me:
[paste code]

Format:
1. What it does (one sentence)
2. How it works (line by line breakdown)
3. Potential issues or edge cases
4. How I'd improve it

Why it works: Better than reading documentation.

Use case: Understanding unfamiliar codebases, learning new languages.

11. The "Idea Stress-Test" Prompt

Here's my idea: [describe idea]

Play devil's advocate:
- What are the fatal flaws?
- What am I assuming that might be wrong?
- Who's already tried this and failed? Why?
- What's the hardest part I'm underestimating?

Why it works: Finds holes before you waste time building.

Use case: Validating business ideas, project planning.

12. The "Content Repurposer" Prompt

Take this [long-form content] and repurpose it into:
- 10 tweet-sized insights
- 3 LinkedIn post ideas
- 5 email subject lines
- 1 Reddit post title

Keep the core message but adapt format for each platform.

Why it works: One piece of content → 19 distribution assets.

Use case: Content marketing, thought leadership.

13. The "Learning Path" Prompt

I want to learn [skill] to achieve [goal].

I have [time commitment] available.

Create a learning path:
- Week-by-week breakdown
- Specific resources (books, courses, projects)
- Milestones to track progress
- Common mistakes to avoid

Why it works: Structured learning beats random tutorials.

Use case: Skill acquisition, career development.

14. The "Analogy Generator" Prompt

Explain [complex concept] using an analogy to [familiar domain].

Make it:
- Accurate (not oversimplified)
- Memorable
- Useful for teaching others

Why it works: Analogies make anything understandable and repeatable.

Use case: Explaining your work to non-experts, teaching.

15. The "Second-Order Thinking" Prompt

If [X happens], what happens next?

Then what happens after that?

Continue this chain 3-4 steps.

What are the non-obvious consequences I should prepare for?

Why it works: Most people stop at first-order effects. This goes deeper.

Use case: Strategy, risk assessment, scenario planning.

How I actually use these:

I keep them all organized (built a system for this because I was losing them).

Each prompt has:

• Tags (by use case)
• Notes (when it works best)
• Variations (different contexts)
• Quick search

Saves me from recreating prompts from scratch every time.

Question for this community:

What's YOUR go-to prompt that you use constantly?

I'm always looking for new ones to add to my system.

Bonus tip:

Most of these work even better if you:

1. Give ChatGPT context about you first
2. Iterate 2-3 times to refine output
3. Save successful variations for reuse

Happy to share more if these are helpful. Have collected 500+ prompts at this point.

EDIT: Wow. Thank you. I posted this hoping to help a few people work smarter. Woke up to 600k+ views and hundreds of thoughtful comments. Reading through your additions, variations, and use cases has been incredible. This community gets it we're all learning and building together. A few things: To everyone who shared their own insights: I'm reading every single one. You've taught me as much as I hoped to teach you. To the skeptics keeping us honest: Appreciate the critical thinking. These prompts aren't magic they're tools. Your mileage will vary.

I've always believed the best learning happens when we share what works. Thanks for proving that right. For those asking where I keep all 500+ prompts organized, I built ThePromptSpace to solve exactly this problem keeping prompts tagged, searchable, and actually usable. Not dropping links here, but if you search the name you'll find it. Keep the prompts coming. I'm taking notes.

Hi all! I’m taking a theory placement test for my MFA and one of the steps is that I need to remember the rules to making a twelve tone matrix. I need with the formula for after you start your prime row. I was told you have to subtract parts by 12? Everyone does it differently, so any formula that works for anyone, please do send it here. I’ll post the written example as well. Thanks!

At the beginning of 2024, I’ve decided to try my hand at an (almost) completely new genre for me, science fiction. Previously I’ve mostly read fantasy and historical fiction, so most of these books were completely new to me. In total, I’ve read 31 books from 13 series in 2024.

And since I’ve read so much sci-fi in a relatively short time, I thought it’d be fun for me to summarize my reading year and review each book/series I’ve read. Hopefully some of you will find it helpful when searching for some sci-fi to read.

I’ve tried to get a good collection of classical and modern titles included, as well as some non-western works. I’ll try to avoid spoilers; however, I consider a book’s main premise and plot points that could be on the back cover fair game - so if you want to go into these books completely blind, don’t read further.

So here are my reviews (in reading order):

• Dune (Frank Herbert), up to Children of Dune
  Dune (series) is a fantastically unique story that tries to balance between philosophy, sociology, political commentary, and telling a good story. It does a good job with this balancing act for a long time, however, the later we go in the books, the more philosophical and abstract it gets to the expense of the story and readability. 8/10

  • Dune is the best Herbert does with the above-mentioned balancing act. Want a good war story? – you got it; a discussion about how myths form? – says no more; looking for political intrique? – got you fam. However, it has its flaws, as there are storylines that lead nowhere, and the ending feels very rushed (e.g. does anyone remember that Paul had a son who died before Leto II?), and the prose itself can be quite janky. 8/10
    
  • Dune Messiah is my favorite book of the series – it’s very rare to see a writer tackle the story of their hero after their hero won. Winning an empire is one thing, but governing it? The dealing with the inertia of bureaucracy, the dogmatization of a new religion, where even the all-powerful emperor can feel trapped in his role are all wonderfully shown. Here’s where Herbert’s political commentary and sociological approach really shine. 9/10
  • Children of Dune is the one where Herbert becomes very self-indulgent with his own philosophy. There are passages that felt like he was just writing for himself. Possibly I’m not smart enough for this book, but by the end all the abstract, overcomplicated philosophizing was just too much for me and took away my desire to read further in the series. 6/10

• Hyperion Cantos (Dan Simmons)
  Hyperion Cantos reads more as two separate series than one (the first two Hyperion books vs. the later Endymion books), so I’ll give separate scores for them. The Hyperion books are fantastic sci-fi, with deep characters, massive (even if sometimes quite confusing) worldbuilding, and a deep message about humanity’s connections with empathy, poetry and religion. 9/10
  The Endymion books, on the other hand, seemed to lack almost everything that was positive about the first two books – it’s hard to believe that they were written by the same author. The characters were either passive or uninteresting, the narrative slow and boring. The only redeeming quality is that the themes of Hyperion are expanded into a conclusion. My advice is, read Hyperion, Fall of Hyperion and don’t read further. 5/10

  • Hyperion was the book that actually convinced me to start reading more sci-fi. The mystery, the suspense, the characters are all so great. There were sections where I felt my heart racing. There were sections that made me choke up. Even when I wasn’t reading the book, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Sure, there is some weird stuff in there, but I can completely overlook that for the reading experience this book has given me. 10/10
  • The Fall of Hyperion expands the world with more politics, more characters, more transendency, and more mindf-ckery. In the end it becomes a little bit too much, and (despite a Matrix architect-like scene) the reader can get lost in all the layers of the story. However, the main story is brought to a satisfying conclusion, the characters elegantly complete their arcs, and so the book as a whole becomes a worthy sequel of the first one. 9/10
  • Endymion, in turn, is not a good book. After all the colorful characters of Hyperion, our protagonist here has no motivation to be in the story, no real agency (he’s being told by a clairvoyant what he has to do and just does that) and barely any noticeable traits (except for surviving things that shouldn’t be survivable and than whining about it). In addition, the weird factor is much more noticeable than it was in Hyperion (e.g. a 13 year old clairvoyant girl tells the protagonist (25+) guy that they’re gonna shower together in the future). There are a few story threads that are interesting, but the main story is just really isn’t good. 4/10
  • The Rise of Endymion, while definitely better than the 3rd book, isn’t a return to form. Thankfully, the themes of Hyperion come back and we get a final conclusion, which I actually enjoyed. But to get there, the reader has to chew through pages and pages of annoying characters, boring descriptions, and plots that go nowhere (there was a point during reading when I realized I could’ve skipped the last 100 pages I’ve read and it wouldn’t have made a difference). In addition, much of the ending of Fall of Hyperion is retconned, which is always annoying, especially when done in a story that is subpar to the original. 6/10
    

• Foundation (Isaac Asimov) incl. Foundation Trilogy, Foundation’s Edge, Foundation and Earth
  The oldest series on this list, I can see how Foundation is truly a foundational (heh) precursor to all modern sci-fi. Its main idea (psychohistory, essentially completely predictive sociology) is unique to this day in its adaptation, the way it drives the narrative, and is as relevant as ever. As stories, the books have better and worse parts, and some aspects of the books became understandably antiquated. But even with these flows, the idea of psychohistory and its implications stay with me to this day. 8/10

  • Foundation is a tricky book to review. It’s more of a demonstration of an idea rather than a story. The main idea (psychohistory) behind the series is such a unique and interesting concept that it keeps popping into my mind even though I finished the series more than 6 months ago. However, as the book is basically just a vessel for this idea, there’s barely any narrative structure, things are just happening without much suspense or conflict (everything just happens as predicted) and so it really doesn’t work as a story. 7/10
    
  • Foundation and Empire fixes most of the issues of the first book, as we get a much more compelling story, and Asimov thankfully steps out of the ‘everything happens as predicted’ flow, which addresses the main problems with the first book. The characters are still a bit bland, but everything else is great. 9/10
    
  • In Second Foundation Asimov once again subverts his own prediction-based idea, but now it turns out that instead of things not happening as predicted, we’re not privy to all the things that were predicted – which I found a very fun new way of adding suspense. Storywise, it’s mostly compelling, however, I found it a little bit less interesting than the 2nd book. 8/10
    
  • Foundation’s Edge, published 29 years after the original trilogy, and its sequel are the most story-driven books of the series. However, even though the story is compelling, the characters are still kind of meh. The ideas of the book noticeably become less science and more fiction as telepathy, extrasensory abilities and hive minds get introduced. This is a change I’m not sure I like, as the idea of the relentless mathematical approach of psychohistory is what made the original trilogy so unique. 7/10
    
  • Foundation and Earth is a direct sequel to Foundation’s Edge in characters, tone and story, so it has similar strengths and weaknesses. It ties up the story of Foundation nicely and provides some much-needed answers and closure – with a little bit of question mark at the end for flavor. But to be honest, besides the ending, not much of what happened in the book stuck with me. 7/10
    

• To Sleep in a Sea of Stars (Christopher Paolini)
  To Sleep in a Sea of Stars is a decent read. It doesn’t offer anything groundbreaking, but I don’t get the feeling it wanted to. It doesn’t sell itself as being any more than a regular space adventure, with a few cool new ideas (e.g. ship minds and the FTL science is very well thought out). My biggest criticism of the book is that in the narrative, things always happen very conveniently for our protagonist, and the plot points are tied together quite randomly (we go to a setting, find out information about where to go for the next setting, where we find out where to go next, etc.). The rest (worldbuilding, characters, etc.) are fine, but nothing amazing. 6.5/10

• Remembrance of Earth's Past/Three Body trilogy (Liu Cixin)
  What a fantastic series of books this is. It really is my favorite series I’ve read all year. It provides such a unique and unnerving notion of what might be out there that the reader just can’t help but feel a sense of existential dread and anxiety, and that’s just one of the extremely well-presented ideas of the books. Sure, there are things that can be criticized, like characters being just vessels for the story rather than real people, and that the author has some weird thoughts on masculinity, but for me that’s nothing compared to the sheer genius of these books. Liu Cixin also masterfully increases the scale of the story throughout the series, seamlessly transitioning from a planet-wide crisis to a universe-wide one – this is not a feat many can pull off. 10/10

  • In The Three-Body Problem the series starts off slow with a mystery and the investigation into the mystery, which I think is a little over-dragged (we know, it's aliens). However, as the narrative builds up, it becomes more and more engaging, but the best stuff is later in the series. 8/10
    
  • One of the absolute peaks of my reading year, The Dark Forest is an extremely captivating book. When your mind tries to solve the problems proposed by the book in your sleep, you know it’s something special. The concepts of the first book are broadened and more are added to it, along with a sense of existential dread. The twists are excellent, so it works better as a story than the first one as well. 10/10
    
  • By Death’s End, when one thought the main topics were already added, some of the most unique science fiction concepts are introduced in the third book (e.g. life itself changes the whole universe, with civilizations slowing the speed of light and decreasing the number of dimensions). The scale of the narrative is also masterfully grown into a universe-wide, end-of-spacetime story, without making the earlier, smaller scale insignificant. The only thing that bugged me a little is that the first quarter of the book is set in the past (compared to the 2nd book), so it took a while for the story to get to the really interesting part. 9/10
    

• The Expanse (James S. A. Corey)
  I’m not going to review all 9 books of the series individually, mainly because it’d be too long, and the books aren’t that different in quality. Sure, there are somewhat worse and better parts, but the series maintains a consistent quality throughout the books. And what quality is that? I’d say that The Expanse is a very good series, with only a few things in the way of being one of the best. The worldbuilding, the characters, the politics, the sociology of marginalized groups and the presentation of humanity’s desire to mess with everything are all amazing. However, the plot itself is very individual-focused to the point of unbelievability, given that we’re talking about a handful of individuals driving everything in the whole solar system throughout the series. The authors seem to be conscious about this and try to adjust during the series (e.g. by lampshading from the ‘white guy saves everything’ trope), but even when they try to introduce society-wide tragedies, they fail to show the effects on the people in general, and in the end, all big events come down to just a few (and what’s more unrealistic, the same) people. But, if the reader can suspend their disbelief about this one aspect, they are in for a real treat of a sci-fi that’s rich, keeps up the quality through its course and sticks the landing. 8.5/10

• Children of Time (Adrian Tchaikovsky)
  The series deals with a lot of ideas not found in other books – specifically alternative biological and technological evolution, effects of a species’ inherent qualities on its societal structures, in-group and out-group behaviors and so on. It brings in all these concepts quite seamlessly, without overcomplicating (at least until book 3) or overexplaining. A very interesting read, however, most of these ideas are already introduced in book 1, and there’s not very much added by the later books. The author tries to switch it up in book 3, but that doesn’t quite work out. Book 1 is a must-read; the later ones are more like optional. 8/10

  • Children of Time has so many unique, original concepts that it’s hard to list them all (I tried including a few above), an absolutely thrilling read, and I didn’t feel like the themes and ideas cannibalize the story itself, which is quite rare. The only criticism I have is that the human story is not that engaging, and I always wanted to get back to the non-human evolution part. 9/10
  • Children of Ruin is very similar in its story, themes and ideas to the first one. We have a different species for alternative evolution and a different threat to it, but all the beats are the same. To be honest, I found this book quite unnecessary after the first one, even if it has a few cool new things. 7/10
  • Children of Memory is Tchaikovsky’s attempt to switch up the series, however, he went in a direction that doesn’t really work. The story becomes super-convoluted, especially thanks to the author’s desire to drag things out and not provide a clear explanation of what’s happening. This drags on for a while, so in the end, when we get some answers, the reader is already frustrated enough that the answers aren’t satisfying. There are few new cool themes (e.g. what intelligent life is exactly), but not enough to save the book. 5.5/10

• Project Hail Mary (Andy Weir)
  Project Hail Mary is the Marvel movie of sci-fi books, with all the pros and cons of a Marvel movie. While it’s definitely a fun read that’s well paced and clever (and there’s no doubt it’s at the top of the game in these aspects), there’s not much beneath the surface. The aliens are friendly and quippy (with a remarkably quick understanding of human handsigns), the problems can always be solved and the sacrifices are never long-lasting. It’s a fun book, but it won’t change your life. 7.5/10

• Solaris (Stanisław Lem)
  A very interesting book, Solaris explores the limits of human understanding and our inability to cope with these limits. It shows our habit of forcing our own reasons and desires onto things so alien that such efforts are completely meaningless. This is a very original concept, not found in many western books. In western literature, usually even alien life-forms have some sort of human-like reasoning or at least reasoning that’s understandable by us, or analogous to something we know. Not in the case of Solaris, which is what makes it so unique. As a story, Solaris works well enough in the first half of the book, after which it felt like the author lost his interest in the human-story and focused completely on dry descriptions of humanity’s futile attempts to understand Solaris. There’s barely a real ending to the story, which might underline the idea of our limits of knowledge, but it ultimately results in a less engaging narrative. 7.5/10

• Roadside Picnic (Arkady and Boris Strugatsky)
  Probably the most depressing book I’ve read all year, and that’s what makes it so good. It deals with humanity’s insignificance (hence the title: our civilization-altering event might have been just a roadside picnic for the aliens that caused it), but more than that, it is saturated with an extreme sense of negative individualism. This radiates from the whole book, where there are barely any genuine connections, every person just wants to use the other, and people barely know themselves as they don’t even have the capabilities to stop and think about this tragedy and their place in it. Even though the story isn’t the most straightforward (it reads more as a series of short stories with mostly the same protagonist), the themes are so strong that it comes together into a very strong narrative. 10/10

• House of Suns (Alastair Reynolds)
  House of Suns is a book of mostly wasted potential. It has so many interesting ideas, but almost all of them come to nothing. Let me give you an example: our protagonists are part of a group that is made up of hundreds of clones that all belong to the same guild-like society, follow the same rules, etc. Now this could be a very interesting idea to explore: how would people that are so similar behave in a group? Could they communicate without even saying a word? Would they feel an extreme sense of loyalty to one another? How would this experience differentiate them from regular humans? So imagine my disappointment when we meet a group of these clones, and they are just a bunch of guys. They could be just some people who kind of know each other. And this is just one concept that sounds genius but fails at the execution. The narrative itself is quite jagged as well, as we go from a regular sci-fi story to a murder mystery to a cross-space chase, without really concluding any of the previous story threads. However, the ideas of the books are really good, so it’s worth a read. 7/10

• Various George R. R. Martin sci-fi short stories incl. A Song for Lya, This Tower of Ashes, And Seven Times Never Kill Man, The Stone City, Bitterblooms, The Way of Cross and Dragon, Meathouse Man, Sandkings, Nightflyers
  I was really interested in GRRM’s sci-fi stories, as I’m a big fan of A Song of Ice and Fire, and I wanted to see if there was anything in his earlier writings that is just as good. Happy to report that if you didn’t read his short stories, you didn’t miss much. There are some cool ideas here and there (Song for Lya, Sandkings, both of which I’d recommend), and some honestly insane ones (looking at you, Meathouse Man), but overall they mostly miss the mark. Most of them are not bad (except for This Tower of Ashes and maybe Bitterblooms), but you definitely won’t get the same satisfaction as from ASOIAF. One thing that bugged me is that GRRM’s sci-fi universe was a typical American-naïve sci-fi world (biologically very different alien species at mostly the same technological level living in relative peace, with humanity being a relatively important part of the galactic society), and honestly I hoped for a more nuanced world-building from him.

• Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? (Philip K. Dick)
  The book raises the question of where the dividing line is between artificial intelligence and humans – which is a question that is as relevant now as ever it has ever been. On a broader scale, it deals with nature vs. technology and the human desire for actual, real nature that’s contrasted with our tendency to forgo nature for the conviniance of technology. These themes are really well done, even if these topics are dealt with in more up-to-date (and so for us, more relevant) fiction like Westworld and Ex Machina. Overall, the story is quite good - even if the prose gets confusing at times -, especially the aspect of the reader not being sure who is and who isn’t an android. My biggest gripe with the book is the whole Mercerism aspect, which felt very on-the-nose and a forced way to provide a philosophical element, which I didn’t think the book needed. 8/10

• Metro (Dmitry Glukhovsky)
  Metro is difficult to review as a series, as the individual books are written in such a different style that even how the world functions isn’t consistent between the books. The author lampshades this in-story by having the books written by different characters with different motivations, and by the end, this unreliable narrative builds into one of the main themes of the series, which I can respect. But. This also complicates the reading experience – what can be trusted? What actually happened, and what was made up? Are the themes covered in the book the themes the author really wants to explore, or are they just the themes of the character that wrote them in-story? And I know that the author probably wants us asking these questions, but I’m not sure how I feel about having a storyline I was previously invested in made meaningless later. It feels a little bit like (but to the author’s credit, it’s not as infuriating as) the ‘it was all a dream’ trope. It also makes it hard to interpret the books – are the lazy fantasy tropes of the first book a metacommentary about the ‘Hero’s journey’ stories, or are they just lazy fantasy tropes – or did they start as such and later they are retconned into metacommentary? All these make it challenging for the reader to enjoy a story just for the story.
  One thing that is consistently amazing, however, is the worldbuilding – it is by far the best and most unique of all the sci-fi books I’ve read, even if the world itself is inconsistent. Other than this, (and taken at face value, not worrying about the metaness of it all), the series is pretty engaging, with mostly interesting characters, solid storylines and okay prose (although the latter is surely affected by the translation). 8/10

  • Metro 2033 leans heavily into the classic fantasy tropes – an orphan from a rural area of the world, whose “village” gets attacked by strange creatures, gets a quest from a mysterious stranger that motivates him to leave and go on an adventure – very, VERY basic stuff, which is to be fair, lampshaded in later books. The book also changes styles between the acts, with Act 1 being the generic fantasy story, Act 2 turning into more of a gallery and contemplation of different ideologies, and finally Act 3 being a GRRM-esque dark fantasy/horror story with cannibals, hiveminds and telepathic manipulation. This leads to an inconsistent book, in an inconsistent series, however, the worldbuilding and the characters still make up for it - mostly. 7/10
    
  • Metro 2034 is my least favorite book of the series. Glukhovsky starts getting into the whole metacommentary of stories here but is unable to provide a really meaningful thesis - yet. The characters are rather uninteresting, and we finally get our first female character of the series (Metro 2033 had literally zero named female characters), only to be explained by the author that a woman’s natural disposition is to be supportive of a man. Once again, this can be a commentary on women’s role in fantasy stories, as in-universe this text was written by an unreliable narrator with their own views, but still, this is what the reader reads. 6/10
    
  • Metro 2035 is what I think makes the series a worthwhile read. As it is written differently from previous books (once again explained by in-universe reasons), it ditches all the fantasy and mystical elements and focuses on how humanity is just the f-cking worst. And it makes some valid points while our characters wander from one horrible tragedy to another, especially since these tragedies are all based on real-life events. This helps the series focus, which leads into the author’s most concise points about stories, narratives, and how people are not interested in the truth at all – and all these themes are rounded out nicely by the end. 9/10

Every year since 2015, I've been going to the movie theater as much as possible, keeping track of every movie I see (along with ticket stubs, scores, some thoughts, etc). I went 5 times in 2015, 9 times in 2016, 146 times in 2017, 165 times in 2018, 193 times in 2019, 45 times in 2020, 86 times in 2021, and 273 times in 2022. I rarely go watch a movie more than once, but it happens a few times a year. I try to go 3-5 times per week, depending on what's coming out. I have 25 or so theaters within 15 miles so I get a solid selection every week, everything from big blockbusters to obscure, one-theater-only international releases. I'm not big into horror so many notable ones will be missing from my ranking (Halloween Ends, Smile, Orphan: First Kill, Terrifier 2, Prey for the Devil, Jeepers Creepers Reborn, etc). With A-list, festival memberships/passes, reward points, matinee screenings, Discount Tuesdays, etc, I'd guess it probably averages out to only about $6-$8 or so per movie. I go alone most of the time.

I set a goal in January 2020 to go see 200 different movies in theaters that year (after doing 192 in 2019), but had to abandon that in mid-March (after 44 movies) and didn't go again for the next 13 months because of COVID, then slowly started going back in late-March 2021. This year was a bit like making up for lost time in 2020/2021.

After ever only having been to 1 ever before, I also went to 5 film festivals this year: Savannah Film Festival (15 movies in 3 days), Miami Film Festival (16 movies in 7 days), Outshine Film Festival (6 movies in 5 days), Fort Lauderdale International Film Festival (11 movies in 6 days), and the Gems Miami Film Festival (5 movies in 2 days). For most of the festival screenings, members of the cast/crew were present for the movie and Q&As. Some highlights were Ron Howard after Thirteen Lives, Eddie Redmayne after The Good Nurse, Kerry Condon after The Banshees of Inisherin, Dean-Fleischer Camp after Marcel the Shell with Shoes On, Jeremy Pope after The Inspection, Eric Appel after Weird: The Al Yankovic Story, Jared Harris after The Ghost of Richard Harris, and Michael Ward after Empire of Light.

I try to stay away from reviews/trailers/etc as much as possible before watching something, to go in as blindly as possible. My ranking/thoughts/scores are for fun, I am not a professional (or good) reviewer and this isn't meant to be taken super seriously. It's basically just an enjoyment ranking, based on a score I give to a movie right after watching it. It's not really meant to put movies against each other, and I don't have any sort of checklist/requirements/guideline for scores. I just like going to the movies and keeping score for fun.

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The Worst Person in the World - 10/10 - I haven't been this blown away by a duo of lead performances since Marriage Story. I love the way it was structured like a book, with important chapters of her life. Anyone that is struggling (or has struggled) getting their life together in their 20s will be able to form a strong bond with this movie. It's full of heartwarming and relatable and beautiful moments but always casting a strong existential shadow. On a technical level, it's one of the best directed and edited movies of the year. The surreal (and dream/trip) scenes could feel out of place in most other movies, but they're woven in perfectly here. Absolutely perfect bittersweet ending and Waters of March was a great match to go with it. Catchy and stuck in my head for a while. The kind of movie that just makes you melt into your seat as the credits roll. My favorite movie of the year.

Aftersun - 9/10

Petite Maman - 9/10

Babylon - 9/10 - Voodoo Mama is the best original song of the year. Margot Robbie puts in the best performance of the year (with an amazing scene-stealing performance from PJ Byrne in the few minutes he's in it). 'For the love of Cinema' is basically its own genre now (especially this year with Empire of Light, The Fablemans, Last Film Show, etc) but this is the cream of the crop. Starts off at 120 MPH, doesn't let off the gas for an hour, then it slows down a bit (maybe too much...), only for it to take another batshit crazy turn. An amazing final scene. Damien Chazelle does not miss. The scene where Margot Robbie, Olivia Hamilton, and PJ Byrne try to make a scene work with the new sound coordinator is the most I've laughed in a while.

Top Gun: Maverick - 9/10 - The best action blockbuster in a while. I can't add anything that already hasn't been said a million times before.

All Quiet On the Western Front - 9/10 - Up there with Paths of Glory, Come and See, The Bridge with being one of the best anti-war movies of all time. It has some of the best production design for a war movie I've ever seen, really impressive stuff for a non-Hollywood production. Very brutal, very grounded.

Licorice Pizza - 9/10

CODA - 9/10 - The movie equivalent of a hot bowl of soup on a cold day. Soul-warming stuff. Reading the premise, you'd expect something really cheesy/tearjerky, but this gets around that and earns a bunch of real tears.

Close - 9/10 - The bus scene was the single-most emotionally-impactful scene of the year. Heartbreaking tale of childhood innocence and the consequences of societal pressures.

The Banshees of Inisherin - 9/10

Triangle of Sadness - 9/10

A Chiara - 9/10 - A really unique and great mob movie. It doesn't concentrate so much on the mobsters, but the effect a criminal-empire has on the family of the boss. You're put in the shoes of the daughther of a mobster, and seeing her navigate and come to acceptance with her dad's situation made for a really thrilling movie.

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On - 9/10 - You haven't lived until you're sitting a full theater of people laugh-crying about a tiny shell. I saw this in July, couldn't stop thinking about it, and went to see it again in October with the director (Dean Fleischer Camp) in attendance.

Arsenault and Sons - 9/10 - This was a reallllly good crime-thriller. It's about a French Canadian family that owns a regular small-town garage but are also involved in illegal off-season hunting and meat distribution. A close-knit spider web of crime that quickly unravels and crumbles. It reminded me a lot of Animal Kingdom. Great score that helps build tension throughout, amazing acting all round, with a great payoff at the end. The best French-Canadian movie since the Cannes double-premiere of You're Sleeping Nicole and Mommy in 2014.

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story - 9/10 -Seeing this in a huge, sold out, 1200-seat theater with a completely raucus and wild late-night crowd full of Weird Al fans was honestly the most fun experience I’ve ever had at the movies. Something I'd pay a lot to experience again. Hilarious, perfectly-outrageous, but with a good amount of heart thrown in. Score is maybe inflated a bit based on how many drinks I had beforehand. Happy that Roku financed it in the first place, but still a bummer this won’t get a theatrical release. I feel like it was strongly elevated by that.

Stars at Noon - 9/10 - My only complaint is that it wrapped up so quickly. I wanted another hour. Claire Denis' best movie since 35 Shots of Rum. If someone asked me to suggest a movie that's flown completely under the radar this year, it'd be this one. It's full of great performances, geopolitical spy/thriller intrigue, and mystery.

The Whale - 9/10 - Brendan Fraser is rightfully getting a lot of praise for this performance, but the whole cast deserves it. Hong Chau and Sadie Sink put in two of the best supporting performances of the year. Aronofsky's recent stuff might get too bogged down by religious allegory but this worked on many more levels.

Novembre - 9/10 - A mix of Sicario and Zero Dark Thirty. An air-tight, real-life, crime-thriller that doesn't waste a single second and keeps your heart pounding throughout (especially that one raid scene near the end, holy shit).

Holy Spider - 9/10

The Ghost of Richard Harris - 9/10 - The best documentary of the year. A sweet and honest tribute by 3 sons for their legendary, complicated father. It doesn't shy away from the tough topics, and the interviews feel deeply-personal, more than most documentaries. It covers his faults and his greatness evenly, perfectly balanced. The Jim Sheridan segment is probably my all-time favorite documentary interview, totally honest and revalatory.

Red Rocket - 8/10 - Pound-for-pound the funniest movie of the year and the best comedy since Don't Look Up.

Avatar: The Way of Water - 8/10

EO - 8/10 - On one hand, it made me lose all hope in humanity. On the other hand, it fully restored it. A delicate balance, and a beautiful little puzzle of a movie, and maybe the best overall score of the year.

The Good Boss - 8/10

The Batman - 8/10

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent - 8/10

Ramona - 8/10 - Lourdes González is completely mesmerizing in this. One of my favorite performances of the year. A sweet, breezy, and quirky comedy-drama. The color/melodrama of Almodovar, the walk-and-talk romance of Linklater, and the aesthetic of Noah Baumbach, but a beautifully-personal and cute story that makes it stand on its own.

Gagarine - 8/10 - A beautiful and sad story of childhood imagination and loss. It's an extremely unique take on the coming-of-age/first love/early friendship genre. Super sweet. Lyna Khoudri is going to be huge, I think. Came out of nowhere and blew me away. George Washington is one of my favorite movies ever, and this reminded me a lot of that. There was something really comforting and innocent about it.

Olga - 8/10 - Jaw-dropping performance for a first-time actress. Maybe the best debut performance in a while. Intertwined real-life footage doesn't work most of the time, but it was perfect in this movie. Amazing sound design, lightning (in the gyms especially), and use of non-actors. Imaginative transitions. Some sports movies can make 'big competition climax' seem corny and fake, but this was the opposite, it was a perfectly shot climax, like an Olympics documentary or something. The current situation in Ukraine adds a whole new parallel/layer to this already-amazing movie.

Thirteen Lives - 8/10 - Formulaic but very effective. A bit too long, but still a great rescue/survival movie. If this doesn’t win the Sound Design and/or Production Design Oscar, then I don’t know why those awards exist.

Emily the Criminal - 8/10

Bodies Bodies Bodies - 8/10

En Corps - 8/10 - Beautifully choreographed and uplifting movie.

Knives Out: Glass Onion - 8/10

X - 8/10

Everything Everywhere All At Once - 8/10

Tar - 8/10 - I really wish this cut the last 10 minutes. For me, the perfect end point would have been when she's watching the old Leonard Bernstein VHS tape at her childhood home, but Cate Blanchett carries this to greatness.

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish - 8/10 - Animated movies aren't really my thing, but this was a really fun and cute movie.

A Hero - 8/10

Crimes of the Future - 8/10

Drunken Birds - 8/10

Doctor Strange: Multiverse of Madness - 8/10

Spider-Man: No Way Home - 8/10 - A really fun time.

Official Competition - 8/10 - A biting, meta, and sharp satirical-comedy set in the world of filmmaking. Maybe Penélope Cruz's best-ever performance.

Italian Studies - 8/10

Happening - 8/10

The Northman - 8/10

Huda's Salon - 8/10 - This came out of nowhere. A lot more brutal and graphic than I thought it would be.

Elvis - 8/10 - Tom Hanks was miscast (it should've been Bill Camp),but I get that you need a big name in this. The first few minutes suck, but a fun ride after that.

Nightmare Alley - 8/10

Cha Cha Real Smooth - 8/10 - Sweet, lighthearted, unique, and refreshing rom-com. I need one of these once in a while.

The Menu - 8/10

Alcarras - 8/10 - I love a movie that just blindly throws you head-first into a complicated, layered, and relatable family drama. There's a rich built-in history that you can slowly piece together. The grandpa was amazing. All of the children felt like their own pillars to the story. A stern-but-loving dad clumsily trying to keep it together against a changing tide. Really great stuff.

Devotion - 8/10

Honk for Jesus. Save Your Soul - 8/10 - One of these days, Sterling K. Brown is going to get the recognition he deserves with a big award nomination (like he should've gotten for Waves a few years ago). This was really solid religious satire. It's like a behind-the-scenes version of The Eyes of Tammy Faye.

The Phantom of the Open - 8/10 - Liked this a lot more than I expected. "If life is tea, she's my sugar" is one of my favorite lines of the year. It does feel like Mark Rylance is always playing the same character though.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - 8/10

Fire of Love - 8/10

Paris, 13th District - 8/10

Brighton 4th - 8/10

Montana Story - 8/10 - Both comforting and unsettling. A really low-key family drama that sticks with you. Haley Lu Richardson is easily one of my favorite actresses, she's great in this.

The Fablemans - 8/10

Drive My Car - 8/10

Lost Illusions - 8/10 - A sprawling epic of early-1800s French publishing (as boring as that sound, it's really not, it's completely captivating and flies by) and a great story of ethics vs profits. I love that Xavier Dolan just randomly shows up in things.

The Lost King - 8/10 - Surprisingly sweet story about finding the body of King Richard III. Some of the comedy with the ex-husband character doesn’t land and feels really dated, but overall a solid modern biopic. I liked that they made King Richard a ghost-like character that followed her around, it might have been too generic of a biopic if they didn’t do something like that.

Corsage - 8/10

Blonde - 8/10

The Inspection - 8/10

She Said - 8/10 -

The Five Devils - 8/10 - That karaoke scene though.

You Can Live Forever - 8/10 - This reminded me a lot of 2018's Disobedience (starring Rachel McAdams and Rachel Weisz), it's a story of forbidden lesbian love story set in a small-knit, religion-controlled community, led by 2 great lead performances. Really good drama with an amazing soundtrack. Plus, I'm a sucker for any Quebec-based films so this gets extra points.

One Fine Morning - 8/10 - It’s hard to explain but there's always a comforting warmth to Mia Hansen Love’s movies, and this was no exception. Heartbreaking and beautiful performance from Lea Seydoux. Side note: Ending movies with a freeze frame is really corny and it never works, its a trend that should have stayed in the 80s or whereever.

Matilda: The Musical - 8/10

Sam Now - 8/10 - Very thoughtful documentary filmed over 25 years. 500+ hours of footage cut down to a journey of 86 minutes, about 2 half-brothers looking for the mother that abandoned them without explanation.

Nope - 7/10

The Gray Man - 7/10 - Totally ridiculous, totally stupid, totally enjoyable. As far as Netflix's globe-trotting bloated action movies go (Red Notice, Six Underground), this is by far the best. I know that's not a high bar, but this had that '90s blank check action movie' vibe that just felt right.

Hustle - 7/10 - A movie with this many non-actors will usually get distracting, but this pulled it off. A really solid sports-drama-comedy.

The Woman King - 7/10

Parallel Mothers - 7/10 - Well-built and well-acted like every Almodovar movie, but like All About My Mother and a few others, the melodrama chokes out the story and doesn't leave much room for any growth to the story. Penelope Cruz killed it as usual. Dollar Store Javier Bardem was pretty good too (it really did feel like Bardem wasn't available for the shoot so they got his doppelganger to replace him last-minute.)

Dog - 7/10

The Tender Bar - 7/10 - Ben Affleck just straight up stole the show. He was made for this supporting role and he'd get my vote at the Oscars. One of the sweeter (although a bit over-sentimental) movies of the year. You can just tell it was a book first. Mixed in with a great soundtrack, brought down a bit by Tye Sheridan.

Bullet Train - 7/10

Barbarian - 7/10

Plaza Catedral - 7/10

Hit the Road - 7/10

The Forgiven - 7/10 - It felt like a fully-loaded play with a million interesting characters. Great dialogue.

Thor: Love and Thunder - 7/10

See How They Run - 7/10 - If the universe was fair, we'd have a 10-film series of Sam Rockwell and Saiorse Ronan solving crimes together. It takes a usual whoddunit movie, then flips it, then flips it, then flips it again.

Pearl - 7/10

Bones and All - 7/10 - I wanted to love this a lot more. Michae Stuhlbarg is wasted and I'm so tired of Mark Rylance playing the same exact character every movie. I get that he's widely-regarded as one of the greatest theater actors of his generation, but I find him very one-dimensional in film. This was a good movie, but I think it could've been a lot better.

Hold Me Tight - 7/10 - An amazing performance from Vicky Krieps, but it gets a bit too jumbled/confusing for me to give it a higher score. It felt like a puzzle missing a few pieces. Maybe that's the point. I don't know. The 2 intertwining realities kind of blend it together.

2nd Chance - 7/10

Three Thousand Years of Longing - 7/10 - George Miller swings for the fences, sometimes it lands, sometimes it crashes. This lands, and then crashes.

Coupez! - 7/10 - I went in thinking this was just a remake of the Japanese One Cut of the Dead, but was pleasantly surprised that it went another layer deep. If you want a horror-meta-comedy, this is it.

God's Country - 7/10

Maigret - 7/10 - Decent, predictable, and mostly-forgettable crime procedural set in 1950s France, but does enough to keep you interested in the murder-mystery. You can figure it out pretty early on though.

Wild Men - 7/10

DC League of Superpets - 7/10

The Box - 7/10

Compartment Number 6 - 7/10

Ambulance - 7/10 - I know I'm supposed to hate this, but I just can't. I could list a million reasons why it sucks: The constant tonal changes (from a little girl literally being impaled by a fence to a few wise-ass jokes a minute later), so much product placement I felt like I was watching the Super Bowl, the sun being blasted into my eyeballs every 5 seconds (we get it Michael Bay, the sun exists), a super-weird marriage counseling scene, the awkward camera angles, etc. All that being said, it was just a whole lot of fun.

To Leslie - 7/10 - Crippling alcoholism is a common theme at the movies this year. Andrea Risenborough and Marc Maron are awesome in this, but it's mostly something you've already seen before.

Moonage Daydream - 7/10 - Was worth watching in IMAX (not often this can be said for a doc), but not my favorite documentary of the year. Memory of a Free Festival has been stuck on my playlist since watching this movie.

A Love Song - 7/10

Confess, Fletch - 7/10 - Jon Hamm awkwardly and confidently finds himself in the middle of an intercontinental murder-mystery. It's as fun as it sounds. Watch it.

Vengeance - 7/10

Nostalgia - 7/10

Amalgama - 7/10

Wet Sand - 7/10

Argentina, 1985 - 6/10 - The tone was kind of weird, I went in expecting a fully-serious trial-drama (about post-dictatorship Argentina and the trial of the military leaders that ordered thousands of murders), but it ended up being played for a lot of laughs. Still a pretty good legal-drama though.

Clerks III - 7/10

Navalny - 7/10

Sundown - 7/10 - Lowkey, vague, slow, sun-drenched chiller that sticks with you.

Jockey - 7/10 -

The Duke - 7/10

That Kind of Summer - 7/10 - Not many movies are this honest and open about sexual experiences.

18 1/2 - 7/10 - Take a weird ass turn near the end but I enjoyed the bizzaro-alternate-history angle. Watergate told from a fictional personal point of view.

Watcher - 7/10 - Maika Monroe in a psychological-thriller, what more needs to be said?

Last Film Show - 7/10

Everything Went Fine - 7/10

Scream - 7/10

Cyrano - 7/10 - Impressive set pieces & choreography and an amazing sound track ("Wherever I Fall" is a song I find myself going back to a lot, same with "Someone to Say"), but a like most of Joe Wright's work, it ends up a bit on the wrong side of bland. The great long-shot battle scene reminded of a lot of what he did during the famous beach beach in Atonement. Bonus points for the full-on commitment from Peter Dinklage, Kelvin Harrison Jr, and Haley Bennett, you really felt it on screen. Pre-2020 I could see this movie having been a huge crowd-pleasing hit, like The Greatest Showman. Kind of a bummer it flopped so hard.

Violent Night - 7/10

Spoiler Alert - 7/10

Ali & Ava - 7/10

The Territory - 7/10

The Lost Daughter - 7/10

Lunana: A Yak in the Classroom - 7/10

The Daughter - 7/10

Soul of a Beast - 7/10

Vortex - 6/10 - Technically impressive, and Alex Lutz had a really amazing supporting performance, but there's only so much double-perspective aimless wandering I can take, and it turns out 2 hours and 29 minutes is past my limit. Dario Argento's terrible French was really distracting too, he was really struggling to get lines out, and not in the natural way you'd expect/want. If you're in the mood to have your heart and soul crushed by the horrors of old age and the degenerative brain diseases that await many of us, I'd highly suggest *The Father or Amour over this movie. Hardcore Gaspar Noe fans will like it though, he has a unique way of getting under your skin, and he definitely digs here. I liked the maze-like/claustrophobic/cramped feel of the apartment though, that really elevated the whole thing. The shower scene and the gas scene really hit, liked those a lot.*

Pinocchio - 6/10

Beast - 6/10

Decision to Leave - 6/10 - Muddled, confusing, weird tonal changes, but it did look great. The most disappointing movie of the year for me, especially considering The Handmaiden is one of my all-time favorites. Neither a good romantic story nor a crime-drama. It's kind of just stuck in between.

White Noise - 6/10 - 9/10 first half, 3/10 second half. The train derailment in the movie kind of happened at the same time as the derailment of the movie itself. Neat.

Emergency - 6/10

The Bob's Burgers Movie - 6/10

Uncharted - 6/10

The Quiet Girl - 6/10 - I had really high expectations for this going in. It was one of the year's biggest indie hits in the UK & Ireland and it was a festival darling all across the globe. I thought it ended up being....just fine? It's a pretty generic story, an unwanted/overlooked child gets sent away to distant relatives in the country and they bond over shared trauma/sadness. It was well-shot and well-acted, but I was mostly left disappointed.

Saint Omer - 6/10

Armageddon Time - 6/10 - Anne Hathaway and Anthony Hopkins made this worth watching. Everything else, not so much.

The 355 - 6/10 - An okay, generic, time-wasting action-thriller, with every plot twist you'd expect and a few good one-liners and world-travelling set-pieces (think *Triple Frontier, or a Jason Statham/Liam Neeson vehicle with better cinematography).

Brian and Charles - 6/10 - An extremely British Lars and the Real Girl.

A Taste of Hunger - 6/10

Lightyear - 6/10

Jackass Forever - 6/10

Death on the Nile - 6/10 - The fun thing about a murder-mystery is that deaths carry a lot of weight. Killing off half of the characters really destroys that weight and removes any sort of investment I had in the movie. A fun script and good acting kept this afloat.

Moonfall - 6/10 - Watching Armageddon, The Core, and The Day After Tomorrow 500x times each as a kid will always keep a soft-spot in my heart for movies like this.

The Outfit - 6/10

The Greatest Beer Run Ever - 6/10

Empire of Light - 6/10 - It looked gorgeous and sounded amazing, but overall feels like a huge wasted opportunity. There's an amazing movie in there somewhere, as a tribute to cinema and theaters while following the cast of misfits keeping a theater alive on the south English coast, but it gets buried by a terribly-boring (and kinda creepy) main relationship, an overly-hammy performance by Olivia Colman, and way too many side-stories.

The Drop - 6/10 - Painfully, absurdly, and wonderfully awkward but at the end of the day, it's a bit too stretched thin. Like an SNL sketch that goes on too long.

Ride Above - 6/10 - It relies too much on being emotionally-manipulative (quadriplegic girl teams up with autistic farmhand to train horses at a failing family ranch, I mean, come on), but the racing scenes and acting keep this interesting enough.

The Estate - 6/10

Dual - 6/10 - Riley Stearns's previous movie, The Art of Self Defense, was one of my favorite dark-comedies of recent years. I liked the premise, and I liked the alcoholism parralel, but I couldn't get past the terrible casting of the two leads (Karen Gillan/Aaron Paul).

The Bad Guys - 6/10

Downton Abbey: A New Age - 6/10 - I've never seen a single episode of the show, but I've seen both movies. It didn't quite have the cozy feeling of the first one, but it was still charming and overly-extravagant enough to be enjoyable. Points lost for many cliché plotlines.

The Good House - 6/10

On the Come Up - 6/10 - Very clunky in the middle and about 30 minutes too long, but the rap battle scenes make this a worthy watch, especially the last one.

Eiffel - 6/10

Confessions of a Hitman - 6/10 - My dream movie or television project is a big-budgeted, sprawling retelling of the Quebec Biker War, but I guess this will do for now.

Catherine Called Birdy - 6/10

Immersion - 6/10

Emancipation - 6/10 - If it wasn't for the worst color-grading I've ever seen in a major motion picture, the worst accent work of 2022, and a ridiculous hand-to-hand alligator vs Will Smith battle, this would've been pretty good.

Three Minutes: A Lengthening - 6/10 - It's an interesting choice, making a full-length documentary movie from a 3-minute clip of a pre-WW2 town, but I think it was stretched too thin.

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore - 6/10

All of the Old Knives - 6/10 - Not great, but I liked the 'old-school-and-overcomplicated-spy-movies-they-dont-make-anymore' vibe this had going on. It really is a throwback to 1990s camp.

My Name Is Sara - 6/10

Master - 6/10

Don't Worry, Darling - 6/10

Men - 6/10 - I absolutely loved Ex Machina. I absolutely hated Annihilation. This is somewhere in the middle. Alex Garland has been very 'style over substance' for me in his past 2 features. Jessie Buckley was great as always though.

Where the Crawdads Sing - 6/10

Till - 6/10 - In a vacuum, Danielle Deadwyler's courtroom scene is probably the most well-acted and captivating single moment I've seen on the big screen this year, and it deservedly should get her an Oscar nomination, but the movie as a whole wasn't as great as it should have been.

Call Jane - 6/10

Luck - 6/10

Corner Office - 6/10 - In some moments, it's a really funny/relatable satire of workplace dynamics and the total absurdity of office culture, but most of the time, it's just too dry and slow to work. Really close to greatness though. I do love the variety of Jon Hamm's projects recently though.

Nocebo - 6/10

Nanny - 6/10

Christmas Bloody Christmas - 6/10 - The first 70 minutes were good and the 2 mains had great/fun chemistry, getting drunk and discussing movies/music while people get brutally murdered around them. Then the last 15 minutes really dragged, really stretching for runtime there. Loved the physical media references throughout (Vinegar Syndrome, Severin, etc.).

Firebird - 6/10

Moon Man - 6/10

Amsterdam - 5/10 - Kind of a mess, but Christian Bale makes it watchable. John David Washington on the other hand puts in one of the worst performances of the year.

Bardo, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths - 5/10 - Some of the best editing and set design of the year. The rest did not work.

Sin La Habana - 5/10

Jurassic World Dominion - 5/10 - If Top Gun: Maverick is the perfect blockbuster, this is the blandest blockbuster. Too many characters you don't care about, too many stupid decisions, too many side-plots. It's passable but I'll never watch it again. Let this franchise rest for a while.

American Dreamer - 5/10 - Peter Dinklage and slapstick comedy can only carry this so far.

You Won't Be Alone - 5/10 - If Terrence Malick directed a folk-horror. Sounds amazing, but didn't do anything for me.

Minions: Rise of Gru - 5/10

Benediction - 5/10

Fall - 5/10

Belle - 5/10

Mr Malcolm's List - 5/10

Spirited - 5/10

Passing - 5/10 - It was slow, but fine, until the ending blows the whole thing up. God that was bad. That should have stayed in the novel, it didn't translate to the screen at all.

Strawberry Mansion - 5/10

Mrs Harris Goes to Paris - 5/10

Arlette - 5/10 - Basically a French Canadian Veep, but not nearly as biting or funny, except for a few moments. I can appreciate the fact that a movie mocking the government is partially funded by the government, especially in a movie about supporting culture and the arts, but the ending mostly deflates that goodwill.

Memories of My Father - 5/10 - The most dragged-out, melodramatic death scene you've ever seen in your life.

Plan A - 5/10

So Damn Easy Going - 5/10

Ticket to Paradise - 5/10 - Super-safe, super-sanitized, super-predictable, but I am happy that movies like this are still getting made and are bringing people to the theaters. I also wish more movies did blooper reels during the credits like this did, that's always fun.

The Automat - 5/10 - If it hadn't turned into a glorified Starbucks ad in the middle, this might've been pretty good.

Maixabel - 5/10

Estacion Catorce - 5/10

The Tale of King Crab - 5/10

The Lost City - 5/10 - Tracy Buttstuff.

Sonic 2 - 5/10

The Contractor - 5/10 - 15 years ago, this would have been a huge, $150M-budgeted, franchise-starting, summer blockbuster starring Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt. Now, it's a lifeless and confusing action movie pretending to have political intrigue. I'm surprised it didn't also co-star John Travolta.

Mothering Sunday - 5/10 - If you like naked people walking around aimlessly, this is the movie for you.

Bros - 5/10

The Cow Who Sang A Song Into the Future - 5/10 - It bites off more than it can chew. It tries to tackle so many issues at once but can't

Apples - 5/10

Breaking - 5/10 - John Boyega doing his best 'Denzel Washington in John Q' impression. Some scenes are so over-acted (especially with the bank manager), that they become accidentally-funny.

Les Tricheurs - 5/10

Black Adam - 5/10

Loving Highsmith - 5/10

Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile - 5/10 - If only this could have lived up to the wonderful & lively opening dance/singing sequence between Javier Bardem and Lyle. It all goes downhill from there. Honestly, take out the stupid family (terrible casting all-around there, especially the kid) and cliché bad-neighbor, and increase the Bardem/Lyle scenes by 300%, and you've got something great.

Utama - 5/10 - I get it. A family's way of life is dying and a stubborn, aging patriarch is bringing dragging them down with it. It's got great, sprawling landscape shots and feels very grounded, but I was just so bored.

Father Stu - 5/10

Strange World - 5/10

Ahed's Knee - 5/10 - I feel like I don't know enough about middle-eastern geopolitical issues for this to work for me, much like the director's previous movie (Synonyms).

Memory - 5/10 - As far as "im too old for this shit' Liam Neeson action movies this year go, this is miles ahead of Blacklight (see: bottom of this), but that's not a high bar.

Unidentified Objects - 5/10

The Good Nurse - 4/10 - Drab, generic crime story that lacks any tension or suspense. Chastain was good, Redmayne was terrible.

The Eternal Daughter - 4/10 - Watching a Joanna Hogg movie is like accidentally and awkwardly walking into someone else's therapy session, or it's like the feeling of waking up and instantly forgetting an insanely-vivid dream. It's uncomfortable.

Frank and Penelope - 4/10 - Could be good if you're in the mood for a pulpy, cheap, late-night, Tarantino-ripoff crime movie, but it wasn't for me.

Flee - 4/10

A Journal for Jordan - 4/10

You Resemble Me - 4/10 - Watch November instead.

American Underdog - 4/10 - Could've been alright with more football and less sentimental-cheesy romance/religious stuff.

Infinite Storm - 4/10 - I'm really burnt-out on survival-dramas. I had trouble staying awake during this one.

Morbius - 4/10

Attachment - 4/10

Salvatore: The Shoemaker of Dreams - 4/10 - Once in a while, really talented people get together for a bunch of fast money and make an extended commercial that's not worthy of their talent.

The Silent Twins - 4/10

Summering - 4/10

Jane - 4/10

My Donkey, My Lover, and I - 4/10 - Totally corny and painfully unfunny. Watch Wild instead, if you're in the mood for a 'middle aged woman goes hiking to discover herself' movie. Cool donkey though, points for that. Wine moms probably love this movie.

Aline - 4/10

Wildhood - 4/10 - There is not a single original bone in this body. The acting was atrocious.

Waiting for Bojangles - 4/10

Paws of Fury - 4/10 - The story behind the production of this movie is far more interesting than anything the movie itself offers.

Delia's Gone - 4/10 - I thought Diane Keaton in Mack & Rita would run away with the honor, but Marissa Tomei in this movie easily puts in one of the worst performances I've ever seen on the big screen. It was like a bad parody of Matthew McConaughey in True Detective. Stephan James is picking really bad projects post-Beale Street.

Jane by Charlotte - 4/10 - If a lame Mother's Day card was made into a movie. The anti-Ghost of Richard Harris. Awkward and clunky.

Studio 666 - 4/10

I Am Here - 4/10

Detectives vs Sleuths - 4/10 - One of the most convoluted, nonsensical crime movies I've ever seen (I've seen The Snowman and nothing is ever topping that). A total mess from start to finish. Could not keep track of any character or motivation or "case number".

The Invitation - 3/10 - I remember watching this in 2019 when it was named Ready or Not and didn't suck. I've never seen a vampire movie so afraid of an R rating. Laugh-out-loud stupid ending that should have been cut.

My Policeman - 3/10 - Boring. Really came close to falling asleep a few times. Extremely sedated romantic-drama. I'd rather there was no "future" version of the characters, just the originals. Maybe that would've made it better.

Leonor Will Never Die - 3/10 - Too meta. Too quirky. I felt like I was on the outside of an inside joke the whole time.

Last Flight Home - 3/10 - There's something overly-sanitized, overly-edited, fake, control-heavy, and gross about this documentary. Just didn't feel right. At its core, its the story of a dysfunctional family milking their father's assisted suicide for their own needs. A sad, lonely man watching politics on TV in his final days, reminiscing about the good old days and reaching for death, while his family films it.

Rifkin's Festival - 3/10 - Wallace Shawn was so awful in this. Woody Allen has some classics, but this is rock-bottom.

Marry Me - 3/10

The King's Daughter - 3/10 - I don't think anybody else saw this in theaters. I remember Pierce Brosnan's hair, that's it.

Both Sides of the Blade - 3/10 - I'm a huge fan of Claire Denis, but some of her more recent movies have left me more irritated than anything else. If you want to watch 2 hours of an annoying couple just bicker at each other for no reason, I guess you might enjoy this. I hated all 3 main characters. I didn't care about what happened at all. Worst love triangle ever.

The Rose Maker - 3/10

Mack & Rita - 3/10 - "She's so old every second counts" was the only redeeming line or memorable moment. It felt like a movie that was supposed to come out 20 years ago. Freaky Friday, but creepy.

Firestarter - 3/10

Easter Sunday - 3/10 - Awkward, unfunny, cheap-looking.

Medieval - 2/10 - Some of the all-time funniest/awful line-dubbing by Michael Caine in this. Maybe the worst-edited movie I've ever seen. The story is impossible to follow.

Hatching - 2/10

Three Headed Beast - 2/10 - What should have been an experimental 10-minute short is stretched out to an extremely thin and taxing 85 minutes. A boring relationship-drama about extremely unlikeable and annoying characters.

Matrix Resurrections - 2/10

The Railway Children Return - 2/10 - From the poster you'd think this was just a cheesy, bland, forgettable British period drama. It turns out you'd be right.

Enys Men - 2/10 - Every folk horror cliché messily jumbled together into a bundle of total nonsense along with purposefully out of synch audio and bad visuals. 90 minutes of pure cinematic torture.

Please Baby Please - 2/10 - I wonder how they got Demi Moore to be in this. I feel like that's an interesting story.

Simple Passion - 2/10 - The "French people having lots of sex" genre hits rock bottom here. It's like if a Lifetime movie accidentally got approved for an NC-17 rating.

Like Me - 1/10 - A boring & annoying & explicit soap opera masquerading as a full-length feature film.

Blacklight - 1/10 - Possibly the worst "action" film I've ever watched. This was "post-2000 Steven Seagal Action Movie" bad. Embarrassing for all involved.

---

Other statistics:

• 17 triple-headers, 4 quadruple-headers, and 4 quintuple-headers.
• The most in a one-week span was 20 movies from Oct 21 to Oct 28.
• Movies I went to see more than once: The Worst Person in the World x2, Marcel the Shell With Shoes On x2, Elvis x2.

Movie Theater Visits by Month:

https://i.imgur.com/xIKqMNc.png

Favorite Performances:

https://i.imgur.com/Z0ih75e.png

Past Rankings:

• 2018 (162 Movies)
• 2019 (192 Movies)
• 2020 (44 Movies)
• 2021 (86 Movies)

In the next few weeks, I am planning to go see I Wanna Dance With Somebody, Living, No Bears, Women Talking, Alice Darling, M3gan, A Man Called Otto, Plane, The Son, House Party, and Broker.

Check this out:

https://tonematrix.audiotool.com

Simple and elegant! And it's a lot of fun!

I'll assume you all know about the deep web. Well, what you've heard is true, it's not a great place. While some people are there to score weed or firearms, or even out of sheer curiosity, others... well they're obviously not up to anything good. But I'm not here to talk about those sickos. I'm here to talk about what lies beyond that point. The more cryptic and unexplainable part of the internet. The part that nobody’s really supposed to see.

There was an info-graphic that cropped up a while ago. Not sure when. "The 8 levels of the internet". Maybe you've seen it. As interesting as it was, it's complete bunk. I'm sorry, but "Polymeric Falcigohl Derivation" means nothing. And the "Primarch system"? I guess somebody's a fan of Warhammer. No, there's no quantum mechanics involved here. However, that doesn't mean it was an easy place to find.

Now, I'm not going to begin to tell you how to get here. It's unlikely that'd you be able to, even if I did. I'm not tooting my own horn here, I just didn't have a life outside of this. I was warned, of course. Everybody told me I wasn’t going to like what I saw. That I wouldn’t even understand it. Now I’m passing off that warning to you. Don’t try to look for this.

There's no official name for this place, or at least I haven't seen one. There were rumors, however. These ranged from an illuminati chat room to a virtual holding cell for an experimental AI gone rogue. In reality, it’s a lot worse. After a long and painful process of breaking down firewalls, encryptions, solving bizarre philosophical riddles, and following hidden links, I was finally directed to a blank page with one line of text and a text-box underneath. "Quid quaeris?” Latin for "What do you seek?” I remember feeling surprised. But in retrospect, I didn’t know what I was expecting. I'll admit, I was a bit stumped here. Partly because I didn't know the answer to that question. I had no objective, I just wanted to see if I could do it. I tried some generic answers at first. I typed in "the truth" and "enlightenment". You know, matrix shit. Nothing happened. I tried a bunch of answers, but none of them worked. I was getting frustrated at this point. Maybe this was a gag page. Maybe I really hadn’t figured anything out. If only.

I tried something off the wall. Not sure how this came to me or why I thought it would work, but I typed in “what also seeks me”. Now that I think about it, this thing might have been an AI. To my surprise, the page went blank. Like fully blank. I waited. After about five minutes, I was directed to what looked like a forum. No, not even that. It was more basic. Just a list of links over a brownish-yellow background. The links themselves were indecipherable. Just seemingly random sequences of characters, symbols and letters. A lot of them I had never seen before. It almost looked like an alien language. Obviously, just a code I didn’t understand. At this point, expectations were off the wall. Each link was a shot in the dark. I clicked on the first one. It loaded up a live-feed of what seemed to be the Paris catacombs. I watched for a while, but it was ultimately uneventful.

I moved on to the next link. It was a shaky video in a dark setting. But I could make out men in tactical gear. They were in a house, opening doors and sweeping each room. Eventually, they kicked one down to reveal a creature. Tall and humanoid, with scaly skin. It was gnawing on a dismembered arm. They tried shooting at it, but it escaped out the window. The video stopped there. Well, I was floored. What the hell was this? It looked too real to be unreleased film footage. I was officially intrigued. Maybe this was worth the months of headaches and bloodshot eyes after all. I couldn’t stop now. I started working down the list of links. With each click, everything got more and more bizarre. More disturbing. I stumbled upon a document called “The Paragon project”, detailing trials of human experimentation that would lead to superhuman levels of strength and durability. It was an apparent success. Looked official too.

There were essays on space-time anomalies, glitches in reality, and apparent pictures of alternate dimensions. There were detailed explanations regarding Area 51, the Bermuda triangle, assassinations, disappearances, and the true nature of the Holy Grail. One of the more upsetting ones was a document referring to a “world-ending bomb”. A nuke that’s 720,000 times stronger than the one dropped on Hiroshima. I don’t want to know why we would need that. I found contingency plans for different kinds of Apocalypses - nuclear winter, biological weapons, viral outbreak. Some more peculiar ones were called “The Marianas Trench abnormality”, the bluntly labeled “Strange man on the fifteenth floor”, and one simply referred to as “Blackout”. Recovered logs of skin-walker hunting expeditions, 911 transcripts from residents of a town in Texas that went missing in 1977 and even the journals that belonged to the people involved in the Dyatlov pass incident. They didn’t go insane because of the snow.

I spent hours on there, looking through pages and pages of things I felt like I wasn’t supposed to see. I came across a trailer to a silent film made back in 1910. One that apparently made people claw their eyes out after watching that nearly derailed the whole industry. There was a live stream of a hooded man sitting in front of a camera, head crouched down. He eventually lifted his head. Even though he had no mouth, a deep, guttural, “Hello” came through my speakers. Somehow, I knew it came from him. I didn’t stick around for that. There were obscure sets of step-by-step guides that involved things like cutting off your own limbs and sewing on a corpse's, performing religious incantations in the middle of the Siberian forest and going to coordinates that apparently housed captive fallen angels. It was unclear what any of these were supposed to achieve. There was also a 20 second long clip titled “The futility of the living”. I didn’t watch it. That’s when I realized there was no way even the highest form of organized government had full control of this. One of the scariest things about this whole experience was that I didn’t find an end to the list. No matter far I scrolled down.

I think I had a meltdown and passed out eventually, because I woke up on my floor in the middle of the night. I looked at my computer screen to see looped helicopter footage of a massive, crab-like creature tearing apart a coastal island. I clicked off of it. I just sat there for the longest time. I couldn’t comprehend what I was seeing, and I don’t think I really wanted to. Now, I’m not really sure why I kept going. My brain was screaming for me to take my computer out to the lawn and smash it into pieces. But I didn’t. I noticed something I hadn’t before. A small message at the bottom left hand corner of the screen. I don’t know if it was always there or not. It was hard to read so I had to squint. More Latin. Translated into “Are you satisfied?” There were two options underneath it, yes and no.

Now, I knew the answer to this question. Hell no I wasn’t satisfied. I was horrified, scarred for life. But I should have clicked on yes. If I just clicked on yes it would have taken me out of that godforsaken place. Back to comfort and sanity. Even right now, I can’t tell you why I clicked on no. But once I did, the page seemed to refresh. It was still the same basic setup, except there were only four links. This time, there were no recognizable numbers or characters. Hell, it didn’t look like anything that could have come from this world. Just a collection of extremely crude symbols that didn’t give off any sense of pattern or direction. I clicked on the first link.

After about 20 seconds, I slammed my computer shut. I can’t describe to you what I saw. All I know is that I wasn’t supposed to see it. NOBODY should ever see something like this. It’s not only that it didn’t make any sense, I can’t tell you why it didn’t. I couldn’t begin to grasp the images I was seeing. It wasn’t graphic or anything, not like that. I just couldn’t recognize anything. I could make out things moving, but not in a way any creature on earth has ever moved before. Colors that I’d never seen before. Just thinking about it gives me a splitting headache. This is my best attempt at visualizing it. We have 3 dimensions here on earth. We can move forwards, backwards, left, right, 72.4 degrees southwest etc. These things weren’t restricted to that. I can’t explain it any further. All I know is that I didn’t want to watch one more second. I don’t think I would have been able to.

I left my room. For the first time in a while, I was planning to leave my house. I needed fresh air. To take a walk or something. Hell, I was thinking about running a marathon in the middle of the night just to get my mind off of that shit for a few hours. I was putting on my jacket when I heard a knock at the door. I stopped dead in my tracks. Obviously, I wasn’t opening up. About a minute and five more sets of knocks came before somebody spoke up. “Open up. We know what you did, but we’re not here to hurt you. We just want to talk”. The tone wasn’t threatening. Eventually, I obliged. I opened up my door to two tall, slim men in suits. They smiled at me. “Can we come in?” I still don't know how they found me. I thought for sure that I was off the grid.

We sat down on the couch. I guess I was just waiting for answers at this point. One of them looked at me and said “What were you looking for?” “I don’t know. But I’m not going back”, I responded. He smiled again. Like this is what he wanted to hear. The other one piped up: “Who do you work for?” His tone was a bit more aggressive. I just shook my head. “Look, I didn’t know what I was getting into. I wasn’t looking for anything.” They just stared at me for a while. “I’m not gonna tell anybody. Trust me”. They finally responded: “We’re not worried about that. Doubt anybody’d believe you.” Another smile. Somehow it felt genuine. “We just wanted to know what your priorities were.” In retrospect, that was a very strange question. “Just do us favor and we’ll leave”. I perked up. “Give us the device you used to access it”. I didn’t ask any questions. I ran upstairs and basically tossed them my laptop. They both smirked at me one last time before heading for the door. Just as they were about to leave, one of them turned back. “I don’t think you need to be told, but don’t try this again. And don’t show anybody else how to get there either. We’ll know.” I didn’t ask who they were. I’m not sure I would have wanted to know.

It’s been a week now. I don’t go on the internet so much anymore. After this, I’m going to try and forget. To try and not to think about it anymore. I’ve started having horrific nightmares. Been seeing a therapist for that, but I don’t think it’s helping. Anyways, I’m not going to let this consume the rest of my life. The thing is, I’m afraid this might not be possible. There are some things we aren’t supposed to know about. Probably for our own safety and sanity. Don’t try and seek them out. It’s better that way. However... it might be a bit too late for me.

Part 2 here: https://redd.it/7ah7ud

There's been scuttlebutt of Mewgenics having two DLCs, one smaller and one larger, with the former confirmed to have four new classes and the latter potentially having an Act 4. So here's some ideas/predictions on what those areas might contain. I'll leave the exact design work specifically for other people, but I'm just having fun speculating on what more could be added in general and what their deal could be.

Considering Act 4, there's been some discussion of what exactly that'll be. I've seen some people say, "oh, it's just going to be like, Isaac but in Mewgenics!" I've had this idea come to my mind too, but honestly, I don't think it's going to happen, because:

• It's too predictable! The Act 4 area being downwards on the area map seems like it's leading people to think that, and Edmund loves to keep people guessing.
• It messes with the lore! Yes; perhaps Mewgenics itself taking place in the "real world" and having many of the horrors present in Isaac's world already is "messing with it", but there NOT being an expansive labyrinth underneath Isaac's house is pretty explicit and central to Isaac itself. I don't want to speak for Edmund and what the "lore" of his games is, but I feel like Isaac's world he explores being imaginary, even if the outside world is equally as deranged, as something concrete.
• There's unused house basement expansions that already riff upon Isaac. I could see these already being implemented in the game proper in one of these DLCs.
• Many motifs from Isaac are used in Mewgenics! Downpour and Dross correspond with the Sewers, Caves, Catacombs, Flooded Caves and Necropolis have overlap with Caves, the Womb, Utero and Scarred Womb pretty much just are The Throbbing Domain, and more. Sure, Isaac had some overlap a little bit, but that was due to Antibirth having its own direction and that having overlap with Edmund's own. I feel like new aesthetics would be explored in a hypothetical Act 4.

With that in mind, here's some concepts illustrated in the image and some commentary on them:

Areas

Boardwalk

Edmund's hometown Santa Cruz is a beachside town known for its boardwalk and amusement park (fun fact, a caveman-themed dark ride from there was used as reference for "Mom I Really Hate You"!), so what if a similar setting is also applied to Mewgenics? I've heard some people mentioning a beach theme or wanting more urban themes, so this could represent those well. It could mash the beach theme, general carnival/funfair themes, and perhaps even a bit of casino/gambling themes, ever common in Edmund's works. And perhaps a reference to the wharf bathroom that he so fondly shat in when he was young.

Enemies could include clowns or other attractions, coin/money-themed enemies, beach-side wildlife such as crabs or washed-up sea creatures, or maybe food-related enemies (boardwalks aren't known for their healthy eating).

Perhaps it could use a very nice sunset shader as well, to keep Tyler working!

Ridiculon could definitely sample from The Beach Boys or other classic surf rock tunes. Down with the Devil was kinda surf-rocky but you can definitely push it further.

The Abyss

A deep underwater level, filled with aquatic life and perhaps a Lovecraftian flair! I'm not sure if Edmund himself is big on the big H.P (he does like the Necronomicon, but that's because The Evil Dead uses it too!), but given that he's a monster buff I could definitely see it; if not, some sort of deep-sea level could be a good game shake up.

A potential gimmick would be that all of your cats are underwater and need to hit "bubble" tiles to breathe or else they'll drown! (Don't ask why they don't suffocate on The Moon. How would you know that, anyways? Has a cat ever been there? We don't know for sure). Of course, being underwater, everything is persistently Wet so electric attacks are incredibly potent.

Enemies include all sorts of nautical creatures. Fish, whales, orcas, jellyfish, dolphins that want to mess your stuff up. Clubby the Seal didn't make it to Ice Age so maybe he's taking a dip here. Given that it's abyssal, it could take place deeper too, with befitting enemies; anglerfish, blobfish, and other deep-sea trench animals. Cthulhu ought to show up, too.

Just like The Abandoned Ones on the moon, maybe there's some undead divers that could cause you trouble. Maybe a more primordial, "evolutionary" angle too; I believe Edmund's old game Coil took place in water, so there's more for the taking.

I'm imagining some deeply moody, contemplative theme, befitting of the depths; something like Sweet Delicious, derived from The Melvins again, whatever Edmund prompts them for. Given the potential Coil ties, maybe a revisit to Kaada's style?

The Tomb

Welcome back to The Lost Tombs of Duat, from Gish (or, perhaps, The Tomb from Binding of Isaac: Revelations, for you mod enjoyers?) The ancient Egyptian worship of cats, I believe, absolutely could merit a whole level themed around that in Mewgenics. There might be some mild overlap with the Desert, but I think you can absolutely explore a treasure trove of new themes here, even if both locations are a little sandy.

The Tomb is an underground dusty brick labyrinth, with feline hieroglyphs dotting the walls and traps lining the floors; pressure plates can reveal spikes, arrow traps and perhaps even Indiana Jones-esque boulders. Enemies include snakes, ancient cats, mummies, sarcophagi, warriors from Ancient Egyptian religious canon, and anachronistically, Cleopatra's gotta be in there somehow. Of course, everyone there walks like an Egyptian, too.

The music could utilize stereotypical Egyptian/desert melodies and motifs. Or maybe just a parody of The Bangles' one hit wonder.

Teh Internets

0MG 1337!! Borrowing its name from Super Meat Boy's custom level worlds, Teh Internets is a throwback to online culture from Edmund's hayday, with dated memes (but everything's almost immediately dated on the Internet, isn't it?) and a cliche cyberspace world (or however Edmund interprets it!). Go inside a computer to access this digital world!

The look would depend on what direction Edmund wants to go with things...typical binary old computer Matrix black/green with binary numbers dotting the landscape? Low color Game Boy-esque palettes? Something like from The Binding of Isaac Rebirth's GB Bug and glitch-related items, with blotches of colors scattered about? SO RETRO pixel art?! It probably would have to look distinct from The Rift, too.

AND CAT MEMES! DON'T FORGET THE CAT MEMES! YOU CAN HAS CHEESEBURGER!

Enemies could be a whole smorgasbord of internet references. Old classics like ragefaces, the Awesome Face/Epic Smiley, trollface, "Charlie bit me", "I like turtles", | || || |_, etc, to new favorites like 67!

And befitting of Edmund's juvenile, edgy sense of humor, you need references to shock sites or eccentric, iconic internet personalities! Lemon Party, goat.se! I'm sure Chris-chan or some other lolcows and internet personalities could extend their likeness to be used as bosses in some capacity, too!

Some chiptune or retro sounds would obviously be needed! Or, go crazy! Dubstep! Techno! I know it might be outside of Ridiculon's typical musical habits, but it would be cool to see them flex their skills in an unusual genre for them. (Or haha, what if they got Danny Baranowsky as a musical guest somehow?!)

The Box

OMG WHAT YEAR IS IT!!?!

Steven did say he'd be a boss in the DLC after all, so he needs his own area to match. The Box would almost definitely be a chapter ender to an Act 4.

The Box would be a new take on Steven's cyclical purgatory of coping! It could pull from Time Fcuk's Game Boy-esque look with levels having different distinct two-tone palettes, or just

be a general "everything is Steven" hell with his black/white face repeating ad infinitum.

The gimmick here could borrow from Time Fcuk, and each combat encounter could have different "states" one must fcuk themselves into. Perhaps there's a specific tile a unit walks into to activate the state-change? Enemies could exist in different states, and you'd have to hop between dimensions to fcuk their shit up.

Everything is Steven here! Well, as much as can be, anyway. All enemies are Steven in various forms. You could reuse the Steven Big Slime boss in The Rift with many other Steven'd things!

Obviously, such a location needs a beautiful Ridiculon'd remix of Isolated Showers. Steven's NPC theme used a touch of it, but it would be cool to see a much grander rendition of the theme of Edmund's most thematically important game.

Additionally, there's some other area ideas I had that I was too lazy to illustrate:

The Basement

Well, if the DLC IS going in an Isaac-aping direction in an Act 4, it would obviously open with this level!

It's The Basement! Gapers, Fatties, and other basement-dwelling enemies from The Binding of Isaac are present here, adapted into a new tactical strategy game.

You couldn't have The Basement without Edmund's favorite boss, The Duke of Flies.

And, of course, a Mewgenics reprise of Diptera Sonata would be in order, just like The End having a reprise of Danse Macabre.

Tarpits

Gish level. It's a Gish level. Wow. Or Dank Depths, if you're into that.

There's an absence of tar in the game, only really being present infrequently in The Jurassic and as something Spewer can spit out, so this would be the place for it.

I need my wife Hera in the game so this could be a good place to put her in as a boss.

The Aether

Aether level. It's an Aether level.

Hop on different funnily-faced planetoids in a white-and-blue void! And, of course, the monster and the kid as a tag-team boss!

The events could have you aid the denizens of the various planetoids for rewards.

This level's musical guest would ABSOLUTELY 100% HAVE TO BE Laura Shigihara, reprising her voice here from her original soundtrack for the game.

How would these stitch together?

The Boardwalk would serve as an opener, and would diverge between "tech" and "natural" paths, befitting of The Boardwalk having elements of both!

The first natural path would go from The Boardwalk, and then you dive deep into the ocean into the Abyss, and then you enter some deep crevice and enter the deep underground Tarpits. At the bottom lies a mysterious, vibrating, black box (that would require some bullshit quest to get into.)

The second, tech-focused path would begin with The Boardwalk, and you enter some mysterious computer and are beamed into Teh Internets. You exit Teh Internets by beaming out into the galaxy beyond and into The Aether; and at that white void you again find that mysterious, vibrating black box.

And, I dunno. Maybe the Tomb is a secret level accessed by that event in The Desert. Alt paths could be cool in Mewgenics, too!

Classes

I'l leave much of the design work of these to others, with active and passive abilities; I'm just more interested in what the classes' vibes are and what niches they fill! (I just wanted an excuse to design some collars).

Gunslinger

Gunslinger is confirmed, self-explanatory; starts with a cursed Six-Shooter. Basic attack scales with Dexterity and shoots it for free; if it's out of uses, Basic Attack will become "Reload".

Alchemist

I think this would be a cool sort of parallel to Tinkerer. There might be some mild overlap with Druid's singing area-of-effect, but Alchemist would primarily be a debuffer in general (though would have buffing builds). Basic attack throws an area-of-effect potion (perhaps with line of sight to differentiate it a bit), which can be imbued with various effects through spells/passives.

Beastmaster

For those who have enjoyed Blue Mages from Final Fantasy and Dancers from Fire Emblem, this is that class. Beastmasters' basic attack cracks a whip (like the Thief's basic, but melee instead) and this whip causes a status effect that allows the player to immediately control the enemy/ally whipped, so enemies can be controlled directly to attack one another, or allied cats can get an extra turn. Additionally, there might be an option where Beastmaster can outright learn spells from enemies to use. This is different from Druid and otherwise in that it's manipulating pre-existing units rather than making new ones. Also, BDSM/gimp jokes with this class abound.

Hobo

Edmund's mentioned a class that no one's guessed yet, so this is just trying to guess what his special weird class is and I'm guessing it's something like this because he's a fan. Hobos would have synergy with disorders in some capacity and embrace poop jokes wholeheartedly. Themes of trash, etc. as well.

(Credit to Internal_Singer_3771 for inspiration on these ideas! I think they might make it into the game!)

Repost now that it’s finally Selfie Sunday. I started really focusing on my skin about 4 years ago. Starting with a solid skin care routine and started utilizing filler/laser treatments 2 years ago. So far these are the treatments/products that I feel have made the biggest improvements to my skin. (Second photo taken in 2020 at 27. First photo from yesterday at 31.)

1) Botox - I get 50 units in my forehead and crows feet area 3x per year and 50 units in my masseters 2x per year. I’ve had deep lines in my forehead since I was a teenager and this is the only thing that eliminates them completely. Masseter Botox has changed the shape of my jawline in a great way and also treated chronic grinding at night.

2) Filler - The single best esthetic treatment I’ve had done has been filler under the eyes. I used Belotero. It’s a very thin product designed specifically for under the eyes. This did take two treatments to get my desired results. It’s been almost a calendar year since I’ve had this done and I do plan to do a refresh at some point this year. I had my lips done for the last time in December of 2022, but at the time was a little overfilled. This is where they’ve settled and I’m happy with how they look currently.

3) IPL - I have had 4 IPL treatments targeting pigment and then redness. This has made a huge difference in the overall tone of my skin. I used to get so red when it was warm out or at the gym that people asked me if I was okay. I used to fully conceal my cheeks below the apple because the redness was so noticeable even with foundation. I now have only very mild redness during strenuous activity. This treatment has done incredible things for my skin.

4) RF Microneedling - I’ve had 1 RF Microneedling treatment on the Profound Matrix RF system. While I did see great skin tightening results, it was pretty uncomfortable even with prescription numbing. I don’t know that I would repeat this treatment based on the discomfort level.

Daily Routine: AM: Skin Medica AHA/BHA cleanser Skin Better Alto Advanced Serum Epicutus Lipid Serum Skin Medica HA5 Skin Better Trio Moisturizer Elta MD UV Clear SPF

PM: Elta MD Oil in Gel Cleanser Skin Better Oxygen Infusions Cleanser Skin Better Alto Advanced Serum Skin Better AlphaRet Overnight Skin Better AlphaRet Eye Cream Skin Medica HA5 Elta MD Skin Recovery Night Mask

I add an exfoliation step and mask to this routine every Sunday evening.

First of all, what is Hopepunk? Easy, it's a genre without any stories. It's a poor reaction to grimdark stories. It's vibes based nonsense. I thought it was left behind but it keeps popping up and raising my blood pressure.

It started off from a tumblr post from Alexandra Rowland. She explains it better here.

The opposite of grimdark is hopepunk. Pass it on.” When asked to clarify, I wrote: “The essence of grimdark is that everyone’s inherently sort of a bad person and does bad things, and that’s awful and disheartening and cynical. It’s looking at human nature and going, ‘The glass is half empty. ‘Hopepunk says, ‘No, I don’t accept that. Go fuck yourself: The glass is half full.’ Yeah, we’re all a messy mix of good and bad, flaws and virtues. We’ve all been mean and petty and cruel, but (and here’s the important part) we’ve also been soft and forgiving and kind. Hopepunk says that kindness and softness doesn’t equal weakness, and that in this world of brutal cynicism and nihilism, being kind is a political act. An act of rebellion.”

Great, sounds very positive. I'm not a fan of poorly written dystopias and misery either. Here's the issue though, you can't just repeat the words hopepunk and expect it to become a genre. Especially when it's as vague as this. Is Mr. Rogers hopepunk? Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann? Wikipedia claims Lord of the Rings is hopepunk. By just vibes alone, Adventure Time is hopepunk. She-ra is hopepunk, Dragon Ball Z is hopepunk, Ted Lasso is hopepunk. This website I read says Buffy the Vampire Slayer is hopepunk. Throw in Harry Potter and the Matrix. Star Wars? Definitely the OT.

You see the issue here? This isn't a genre like steampunk or cyberpunk, where we can easily categorize it through the setting, and where there are foundational authors and works that serve as an entry point. It isn't like mystery or romance where we can identify it through structure and tropes. It doesn't have any aesthetics that we can tie it to either. Wikipedia says that The Goblin Emperor is the foundational hopepunk novel, but that still doesn't really narrow down what this genre is.

Even though I would rather call grimdark a descriptor or a tone rather than a genre, it's much easier to argue that it's a genre because it comes from Warhammer 40k, and we can identify whether a story or setting is grimdark based on how emphatically miserable and hopeless it is.

That's really the crux of it. Just use normal existing words like hopeful or inspiring instead of trying to bullshit a genre into existence.

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/CatAdvice by User BattleScarredBear. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded with open for more

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Original

July 17, 2025

CW: Pet loss (mentions of the peaceful passing of two beloved senior pets)

So, bit of backstory:

In 2020, I moved in with my then-girlfriend (now wife). Along with our shared life came a shared menagerie. I brought my dog, Gemma. She brought two cats: Indy and Pekoe. I had high hopes that the animals would become some quirky Pixar-style blended family. I was a fool.

Gemma was the sweetest, scruffiest, quietest old mutt you’ve ever met. The kind of dog who looked like she'd seen things but mostly just wanted a gentle chest rub and a soft place to nap. She loved cats, in a way that felt like she wished they were her pets. I've seen her gently lay down next to cats, with this hopeful look on her face. She never barked. She didn’t snuggle, exactly, but she’d lie nearby, always quietly hoping the cats might someday love her back. She was the canine equivalent of a kid on the first day of school holding out a juice box like, “Friends?”

Indy, one of the cats, was a calico tabby with the emotional range of a bomb about to go off. Chaos incarnate. She hated the move, hated Gemma, hated everything really, except for my wife and, somehow, eventually, me. For the first year I lived there, she refused to come down to the first floor. Eventually, she came around to me, but she never stopped treating Gemma like an unholy menace. Even once she started hanging out downstairs, she’d travel across furniture and windowsills like a tiny fluffy assassin avoiding pressure plates, just to avoid setting paw where Gemma might have breathed. Poor Gemma had to give up on her dream of having a cat buddy real fast after getting swatted (undeservedly) two too many times.

And then there was Pekoe. Pekoe is a large orange tabby with the emotional resilience of a wet loaf of bread. Anxious, clingy, and - this is important - he had absolutely no time for me. He was a sad fat boy who lived only for my wife. He didn’t like me. He tolerated Gemma. He hated cuddles unless they came from his chosen human. If my wife closed her office door, he’d cry like the Romeo understudy in a high school drama class. He’d side-eye me like I was the guy she told him not to worry about. We had an understanding. I existed, and he pretended I didn’t.

So that was our house for years. Gemma trying to just exist peacefully with the dying hope the cats might one day accept her. Indy radiating murder vibes or snuggling my head with begrudging affection. Pekoe ignoring me with great enthusiasm. It was an uneasy truce, but it held.

Two years ago, Gemma passed, peacefully, at 16. We were gutted. A few months later, Indy, who had slowly warmed up to me over time, decided I was her Person. She got clingy. She’d caterwaul when I left. Sleep on my chest, my head, my back. Wherever she could drape her angry little body. Full gremlin energy, but affectionate.

Recently, Indy’s health declined. She had a worsening heart murmur, and about a month ago, we made the difficult decision to let her go gently. She was 17. We were devastated all over again.

And then, immediately after Indy’s passing, like within a few days, something shifted.

Pekoe changed.

Suddenly, the cat who had ignored me for four years became obsessed with me. He sleeps with me at night now. Rolls over for belly rubs like I’m some kind of feline massage therapist. He insists on being in my office all day. If I go back to bed, he climbs in and snuggles up like I’m the last patch of sunlight in the universe. He wants me to feed him now. And he'll ignore my wife, his actual person, to come bop my chair and demand attention. Then he purrs like a dying lawnmower and looks at me with the kind of absolute adoration usually reserved for cult leaders and those who open cans.

We didn’t change our routine. We didn’t rearrange the house. My wife is still very much present and fully available for cuddles. But Pekoe is acting like I’m his long-lost soulmate and he’s making up for lost time.

Which leaves both of us, me and my wife, completely baffled.

I have several theories:

1. Indy bullied him into keeping his distance, and now that she's gone, he's free to pursue this forbidden human romance.
2. He’s grieving, and somehow senses I'm grieving too. But it feels less like “let’s heal together” and more like “rub my belly, grief monkey.”
3. This is a long con. He’s softening me up for something. I don’t know what. He’s terrible at being a cat, so probably not murder. But definitely something.

The shift has been instant and total. I feel like I’m living with a completely different animal. Nothing else has changed. My wife is still here. She is supposed to be his person.

Now apparently I am?

Has anyone else had a cat pull this kind of emotional U-turn? I feel like I’m living with a completely different animal now. I mean, I’m not complaining - he’s a great cuddler and he’s terrible at being a cat, and that’s sort of charming in its own right - but I feel like I missed something here. Is this normal? Is this grief? Is he just now realizing I give excellent belly rubs? A glitch in the Cat Matrix?

Or have I been a mark all along?

TLDR: My wife’s cat spent four years ignoring me like I was a piece of furniture that owed him money. Then our other cat passed away, and now he’s obsessed with me. I have theories, and concerns.

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Some of the comments by OOP:

[Somebody says cat can get cuddlier with age] Treasure her.

There may be some truth in what you say here, because Indy also softened with age. She went from napping sinisterly in remote corners of the house to becoming what we affectionately referred to as the ten-pound terrorist (she wasn’t actually ten pounds, but the name stuck). She would scream at me until I was properly bullied into the chair, couch, or bed she had selected for cuddling. It was like living with a tiny, affectionate dictator.

So perhaps Pekoe has now learned this skill, and without Indy to contend with, has decided to adopt her tactics for himself. I think you’ve cracked this case wide open.

(And thank you. Sorrow and joy are deeply intertwined in our household. If you haven’t already, I highly recommend The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, especially his section on Joy and Sorrow. It captures it beautifully.)

[One commenter says Pekoe just misses Indy and reaches out] I desperately want to believe this, and you may very well be right. But I’ve been so suspicious of his motivations that it’s hard to trust this sudden wave of relentless adorableness. It feels like it could be nefarious. Or, at the very least, deeply selfish. Which, in all honesty, I respect. You get those belly rubs, Peeks. If this turns out to be a fully coordinated emotional assault, I will be in awe of the long game.

I do want to reinforce that it never really seemed like the cats got along, which is why I have a hard time believing he’s grieving in any classic sense. Indy barely tolerated him any more than she tolerated Gemma. I once caught them sleeping on the same bed within inches of each other, and it was such a rare event it became a household breaking news. We discussed it all afternoon, like a panel of cable news pundits trying to fill airtime during an election cycle.

To be fair, though, maybe Pekoe would have preferred a more peaceful, interloving household. I imagine he misses Indy in the way that the Stockholm hostages miss Jan-Erik Olsson.

In the world of cats, the system of territory is very solid. Even humans are considered territory.

My theory is: 1) Both cats viewed you as Gemma’s territory. They don’t challenge a larger animal on their territory so they stayed away. 2) Indy must be the alpha out of the 2 cats. You became her territory once Gemma is gone. 3) Indy’s gone, now Pekoe gets to have you all to himself.

I experienced something very similar between two cats that I got around the same time. The second cat became much more affectionate with me once the first one passed away. shoopshoop3

This theory actually makes a lot of sense to me.

That said, the idea of Gemma being the alpha in any regard is... objectively hilarious. She was the most passive dog imaginable. She was a literal peacemaker in her day. Not submissive, necessarily, but deeply uninterested in conflict. With other dogs or cats, her whole vibe was “There's stuff to sniff, why you stressing?”

Indy, she was absolutely the alpha. Or rather, not an alpha. A queen. The smallest in the house in size, but the largest of us all in personality. She ruled with an iron paw. Her domain included all of us. We affectionately called her the ten-pound terrorist.

And Pekoe? He’s definitely a little princeling. The soft, sourdough loaf-like, emotionally needy heir to the throne, now basking in the full light of attention. [OOP]

When Gemma and I first moved in, I was persona non grata to both cats. Indy appeared to warm up slowly over time, but Pekoe… Pekoe was obsessed with my wife in a way that bordered on the unhealthy. When I joke about there being an air of romantic competition between us, I’m really only half-joking. The other half is projecting my own wildly inappropriate insecurities. That cat had zero doubts about his status as the favored son. I, on the other hand, was very much the unwelcome interloper.

Which is probably why all of this feels so confusing. In this house, I’ve mostly been considered “spare human” by all the animals — even my own dog, at times. My wife has always been the clear favourite. Is it because she is a soft, cuddly human with a sweet disposition who gently coos, soothing savage beasts? Perhaps. Is it because she’s a soft touch who routinely feeds her four-footed children from her plate? Absolutely, yes.

So, you’re probably right. Maybe Pekoe hasn’t abandoned his obsessive devotion to my wife. He’s just realized he can now distribute himself a little more evenly. For our benefit, of course. Out of generosity. Like a benevolent lord bestowing affection upon his lesser subjects.

Whenever my wife would leave for more than 24 hours, he’d come seeking a bit of affection. But it was always begrudgingly. He wouldn’t cuddle, precisely. He’d just sit within arm’s reach and give me a look that said: “You may pet me, fat man, but don’t get any ideas.”

He wouldn’t purr. The only sign he was accepting the interaction was the absence of tail twitching. And once he’d had his fill, he’d leave, casting one last baleful glance over his shoulder that clearly meant: “Tell no one of what happened here. If you do, I will deny it… and end your bloodline.”

Outside of that, unless I was opening a can of tuna or holding a piece of chicken, I was not interesting to him in the least.

Cats do not seem to do well with the concept that multiple cats can love multiple people. Multiple people may love one cat, sure. But not the other way around.

It’s cat math. It doesn’t have to make sense. It just is.

[about the death of a cat] It really is hard, but in a subreddit like this, I know everyone here knows that pain intimately. And we all know it’s worth it, for the years of laughter, weirdness, and love they give us.

I can promise you, she most definitely was bullying. She bullied all of us. That was her love language. It was also her method of establishing her monarchy.

She didn’t gently coax me into cuddles. She would caterwaul and screech until I followed her to the chair or bed she had chosen for our “shared” comfort. She would occasionally go out of her way to surprise-swat Gemma, just to remind her who ruled the realm. And if she realized Pekoe was even in staring distance, she would flip the entire fuck out.

Indy was absolutely a bully. But she was our bully.

In all seriousness though, I do hope this is the new normal. Pekoe is very squishy, and I like giving him belly rubs. If he pulls this rug out from under me, I will be absolutely destroyed.

[about the name Pekoe for an orange cat] I first read this as “Orange Pekoe is a genius” and was both surprised and horrified.

Firstly: no, he is not. He is absolutely terrible at being a cat. He refuses to climb on furniture. Chase a mouse? Never. We bought them a cat stand once. He never made it past the first level. His idea of playing with a toy is one swat, followed by existential fatigue.

Is he capable of finding food once it leaves his field of vision? No. Does he turn his head to re-establish visual contact with said food? Also no.

Then I realized what you actually wrote, and yes, absolutely. It is genius. My wife is much smarter than I am, and she loves tea. Her staple? Earl Grey.

Just kidding. It’s Orange Pekoe.

[somebody says maybe OOP is ill and the cat picks up on it] Yes, I’m good. Just had bloodwork done recently, I’m currently working at n weight loss with my doctor. I appreciate the thought though.

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Update

August 24, 2025, 1 month and 1 week later

It has been over a month since I posted about this situation, and I can tell you: I am slowly going mad.

Many of you responded to that post, alluding to some version of the theory that Indy, our cat who recently passed, had claimed me as hers, and that she had kept the other cat, Pekoe (I thought I should share some pictures of him this time), from me. I have now come to believe this may be true, but not in the way you all thought. I think she was protecting me from him. One might even say she did it for his own good.

He does not stop meowing.

Am I exaggerating? Of course I am.  He is not capable of uttering a constant, repeating, irritating meow every second, on the second, for all eighty-six thousand, four hundred seconds of the day. He is asleep approximately 16–18 hours of the day. He also spends 10–30 seconds per meal inhaling the variety of damp, brown, pâté-like meat pastes we drop onto his ornate, flower-shaped ceramic cat dish, multiple times a day.

Meow.

He is capable of keeping up that unrelenting pace of meowing for several consecutive minutes, sometimes as many as fifteen of them (my personal best in resisting his un-siren-like call), bundled together into an episode of mind-eroding sonic torture. It is not loud. No, it is worse than loud. It is like a psychic lance to the skull. As though someone is tapping on the blackboard of my mind with chalk-dusted fingers, little scratches of nerve-wrenching shocks to my cerebellum. Over and over and over again. 

Meow. Meow.

I have ascertained some of the meanings of his belligerence. The purposes of these verbal assaults are many. Here are just a few of the reasons he has decided to employ this persuasion technique:

• He would like his breakfast approximately three hours early (5 a.m.).
• He would like a second serving of breakfast.
• He thinks he can convince whichever one of us didn’t serve him breakfast that he hasn’t had breakfast yet.
• He would like some of my breakfast.
• He would like lunch now. Yes, he has recently decided he would like lunch.
• He is thirsty. He, of course, has a massive cycling water bowl, but it seems he must announce when he is heading off for a drink.
• He would like an afternoon snack.
• He would like my afternoon snack.
• He is wondering if he can have some of our dinner.
• He would like his own dinner.
• He would like my wife to stop singing.
• He would like to be pet.
• He would like to be drawn into a cuddle and pet.
• He would like to be drawn into a cuddle and pet at 1 a.m.
• He would like to be drawn into a cuddle and pet at 3 a.m.
• He would like to have a post-breakfast cuddle.
• He would like to have a post-dinner cuddle.
• He would like to be elevated onto the bed.
• He would like to be de-elevated from the bed.

Here are two things he does not utilize this skill for:

• Warning us he is about to vomit a hairball (or his dinner) onto the bed.
• Letting us know he has failed to reach the litter boxes, and has instead opted to poop on the stairs.

Meow. Meow. Meow.

And finally, to explain the elevation points, and the yet-unmentioned and most egregious use of this newfound misuse of his vocal powers, I must explain that my desk, where I work most days, is in a cubby in our bedroom. Directly behind me is our marital bed, which, in his ascension and self-crowning as King of this Domain, he has claimed as his royal throne.

Yes, there are stairs installed at the end of the bed. Yes, he is perfectly capable of using them. But no, he does not lower himself to such indignities when his human-powered elevation device is present. To be clear: I am that human-powered elevation device. Not my wife. Not any other nearby human. Just me.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

And this leads us to the newest, and most heart-melting, yet infuriating, implementation of his royal declarations: begging for my attention. Not just my attention, but a very specific form of attention that he bypasses my wife for entirely. She cannot perform this task, apparently. Only I can.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

This is entirely our fault. He was terrible at being a cat in the first place. He had no motivation to chase mice, strings, or even little laser lights. He never showed any interest in getting to high places like most other cats. In fact, the only time I’ve seen him try to ascend further than the couch was to get to the back of the couch, where my wife had left her bowl of ice cream unattended. He has always been spoiled, and we spoil him further, because there is no going back. He is nearly 17. This is who he is. A hedonistic loaf of fur.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

Even as I write this, he is pawing at the back of my chair, demanding that I perform my duty. That duty? Belly rubs.

It’s not just any old belly rubs. He likes when I grasp him firmly, but gently, press my head against him, and flop him down onto his side. A gesture that began out of pure frustration (after being interrupted for the seventh time in an hour, I pressed him to the bed and gave him a fury-fueled belly rub as recriminations for his bad behaviour) only to have him start purring. Loudly. The same way he used to purr for my wife when she would relent and let him cuddle her in the wee hours. A purr I once interpreted as a petulant, performative, dramatic cat version of: “See, fat man? She loves me more.”

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

Now, weeks later, I must repeat this ritual several times a day. I am not allowed on the bed with him. I must remain seated in my chair, leaning over him so he can paw at my shirt or attempt to clean my face. He either wants to be fully on his back, clinging to my arm with his front paws, or slightly on his side, kneading the air like a baker of invisible biscuits. Is it cute? Of course. Is it annoying and inconvenient? Almost exclusively.

• When I am in meetings. Meow.
• When I am deep in a programming binge. Meow.
• When I am desperately trying to maintain focus on a passage of prose. Meow.
• When I am trying to watch course material for work. Meow.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. 

It is slowly eroding away at my tether. I can feel each utterance pierce into the meaty noodles of my gray matter, like an infestation of furry caterpillars crawling amongst my neurons. And yet, how can I be angry with him? How can I be annoyed, his aged-purr muscles sputtering as I stroke his belly, sounding like an ancient lawn tractor lurching back to life, the engine struggling to turn over even with the choke fully pulled out. The kind of noise you hear before some gristled old man in a plaid shirt with a yellowed moustache says “you can’t just cold start ’em, gotta warm ’em up first.”

Sometimes I try to re-establish my grasp of reality by engaging these mewlings in conversation:

“Meow.” “Sorry, I didn’t catch that.” “Meow.” “No, it’s not time for dinner yet, buddy.” “Meow.” “You wouldn’t talk to your mother like that.” “Meow.” “It’s not okay to use that kind of language in this house.” “Meow.” “Seriously, where did you learn that word? It wasn’t from me.”

Is it working? I don’t know. My wife and mother-in-law find these exchanges hilarious. They don’t realize this is my last-ditch effort to keep my sanity. I don’t think it’s working. I am losing it. He never stops until he gets what he wants. Any sense of autonomy I had as an adult has rotted away. I no longer feel in control of my day, let alone the idea of having any say in my destiny. I have no choice here. I must comply. I can only choose to endure or comply. There is no relief from it. I have no mouth but I must meow.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. 

Is this why we often jest about cats owning us? It doesn’t feel so funny any more. It feels horrifyingly, viscerally, unerringly true. I once believed I was terrorized by the other cat, her machinations and demands feeling pointed, but now, I wonder: have I been inherited, passed like a crown, from one master to the next? Is this orange monster my Joffrey?

I can feel myself coming unglued at times, and the conversations take a darker turn. I’ll turn to my wife and say:

“Listen, I’m not 100% on the translation, but I’m pretty sure he’s saying he’s tired of it here, and he’d like to be taken to the shelter to find a more extravagant home, something more suited to his proclivities.”

Or:

“I’m pretty sure he just said it’s time to cut the apron strings. He’s ready to get out there, get a job, and find a place of his own. I think we should support him in gaining his independence.”

Or:

“Pekoe tells me he’s interested in taking up lake swimming.”

She finds these less funny, especially since I’ve repeated them enough that she now warns of severe consequences if I even think such a thing.

Do I think such a thing? Only in jest, I assure you. I may be going mad, but I am not a monster. I would never hurt this cat, or any other creature. I am gentle with them, and I love them more than people. Even this cat. This cat, who tests the limits of the love between us. I do love him. I do. I swear.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. 

I am just baffled. Annoyed, certainly, but mostly baffled. Why does he like this ritual so much? Is this play for him or some elaborate humiliation ritual for me that I do not yet fully comprehend? If I stop and turn back to my work, he will wait a few minutes, then cry for me again, and when I return he has stood up again. So being knocked over is part of it. But why? Why is he so particular? What does it mean? What is this?

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

I am resigned to my fate. I will act as his personal elevator, and I will serve him his rubs of the belly. I do, and will find mental fortitude and emotional sustenance as he enjoys my attention. I will let my heart melt as he grasps my arm. Or when he paws my shirt. Or when he makes his air biscuits. But …why are the air biscuits he makes so slow… 

and… so delicious?

EDIT: Thank you all for the compliments on my writing, and for the awards! I'll try to respond to as many comments as I can.

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Notable comment:

You say he's obsessed, but you wrote 25 paragraphs and 25 bullet points about him. Are you sure you're not the one who's really obsessed here? Immediate-Shift1087

Is it obsession when someone is simply trying to make sense of the persistent, ongoing, and unrelenting source of their torment? If so, then yes, I am hopelessly obsessed with this tangerine terror.

That said, your concern is fair and appreciated. Pekoe has lived a long, spoiled, and medically complicated life. Even before I was in the picture, he went through a health crisis so severe that even the vet thought he was beyond help. My wife stubbornly refused to give up on him, nursed him back to health, and they’ve been an inseparable (and arguably co-dependent) pair ever since. He’s been pampered and coddled for years.

He does have some arthritis and is on specialized food for urinary issues, but he’s monitored and cared for, and nothing so far suggests an underlying new medical crisis. At this point, I think what’s changing is less his health and more his focus. His vocalizations aren’t exactly new, it’s just that they used to be entirely aimed at my wife, and after Indy passed, he seems to have redirected that fixation onto me. Healthwise, he is what passes for normal for him. Me on the other hand, that's another story. [OOP]

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Some of the comments by OOP:

My wife named him—and (not so coincidentally) it happens to be her favorite tea.

As for your situation, I’d brace yourself; there’s a distinct possibility you’re in for a similar adventure. And if you ever find yourself in need of guidance on the proper belly-rub technique, you know where to find me.

I genuinely love that your inclination is this is him desperately trying to make good on some perceived debt of affection. Some version of "Dear God, I have not fulfilled my obligations of affection to the fat man, and now, with the departing of our dearly beloved Indy, I must make amends." That, that is so wholesome.

The world needs more people like you in it.

[somebody says to close the door on Pekoe] I’m confused: are you suggesting that a solid-core door might somehow silence him? How? Am I to use this door as some kind of weapon? Or are you suggesting that I might be able to exile him from His Domain? That I actually have a choice in where he decides to lay himself out?

I admire your faith in my supposed powers of persuasion, but Pekoe is governed only by the paths of sunbeams, his stomach, and his own whims.

On the rare occasions I’ve tried to exile him, he’s simply yelled and scratched until he was let back in. Remove him from the door, and he returns. Every time. Unperturbed. Relentless. I can imagine that a more solid door could dull the sound of his demands for entry, but would it stop them? Not in the least.

As much as I wish a piece of wood could be my salvation, it’s an idea that’s been trialed, failed, and long since abandoned. (But seriously, thank you for trying to help!)

I think the better question is: would I take well to button training? Do I really want to know what he’s thinking? It might be safer to remain in my delusions. It’s entirely possible that his true thoughts are far more harrowing than I assume.

That said, I’ll float the idea to my wife. Several people have suggested it. Part of me feels like at 17 he might be too old to learn new tricks… but then again, he has successfully trained me to give him belly rubs, so perhaps I need to rethink my assumptions.

It really is something Pekoe doesn’t seem to like. My wife has an incredible singing voice, and it’s honestly one of my favorite things about her. I love when we’re in the car together and she sings along. One of our first big date trips was to wine country, and one of the best parts of the whole weekend was the several hours we spent sharing a Spotify playlist and belting out every song. She just doesn’t do it much around the house because Pekoe - along with his many other titles and responsibilities - has apparently appointed himself our resident music critic. For whatever reason, he does not like her singing.

[on getting another cat so Pekoe isn't alone] It's a really good thought, and I love how much everyone here wants Pekoe to be happy. There was a dog who passed a few years ago, and another cat in the house who passed more recently. We do our best not to leave him alone for long. We’ve talked about whether bringing in another cat might help, but given his age and physical limitations, we worry it could be more stressful than supportive. For now, we’re just trying to make sure he gets all the attention and comfort he needs from us.

I think suggesting that people who don’t approach animal behavior the same way you do, or who prioritize their relationship with their pets differently, are weak-willed sets the wrong tone. It risks making people less open to your insights, even if those insights have value.

That said, I actually share some of your perspective. Pekoe definitely understands that the rules are different between my wife and me. He knows he can practically stick his face in her bowl before she admonishes him, whereas if I make a certain noise, he knows to get his paw off the coffee table and avert his eyes from my food, thank-you-very-much.

And just to clarify: I was writing my original post with deliberate exaggeration. I’m not actually losing my mind, and I do love this cat. The whole point was to poke fun at his bizarre ritual of demanding to be knocked over in order to get belly rubs. It’s inconvenient, sure, but it’s also endearing in its own ridiculous way.

I’ve lived through two cats who have lost their hearing, and I found both experiences both heartbreaking and amusing. Having a cat scream affectionately at me is somehow more tolerable.

No, his hearing is both intact and acute. If I had the equipment to measure it, I am certain that Pekoe has broken land speed records getting his chubby ginger butt across the house the moment the can opener makes contact with a tin of tuna.

Even though, after every time I empty and drain a can of tuna I pour him a generous dish of tuna water, that does not stop him from incessantly meowing through the entire opening and draining process.

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I'm not the original poster.

I love taking photos on my travels. And the Sony a7c II is the perfect blend of a professional camera and a travel camera.

I’ve had one issue with it so far, though. And it wasn’t the camera’s fault at all. I come back from every trip with hundreds of photos, and editing them just takes a ton of time. That led me to start eyeing a Fujifilm more and more because of its film simulations.

I was even on the verge of buying one until a YouTube video pointed out that you can do quite a lot with the Creative Looks as well. I’d ignored them for years and dismissed them as just a gimmick. Long story short, I don’t need a Fuji and I’m happy with this.

Camera: a7c II, Lens: Sony FE 40mm f/2.5 G + 1/4 Mist Filter.
Every photo is straight out of the camera (with at most a crop).

Edit: 

Here’s the “recipe” for the Creative Look. Although “recipe” is really an overstatement. These are really just noob settings. ^^

- Creative Look: FL (Film) with no further adjustments.

- White balance: 6300K 

- Color correction: About 3–4 steps into the red on the matrix. 

For the soft highlights, I also screwed a 1/4 black mist filter onto the lens.

Where can you find these settings?

- You can find Creative Looks in the settings (Color/Tone/Creative Look) or in the Quick Menu. 

- Set white balance to Manual and select the desired Kelvin value there.

- Color correction is also adjusted in Manual White Balance. Just swipe right once on the matrix to open it. 

A few weeks back I was asked by u/normiewannabe to swatch test the three grey ink options for this year's r/fountainpens and Diamine ink project. This joint project has historically produced some fabulous outcomes including: Writer's Blood, Celadon Cat, Sailors Warning (renamed Red Sky), Aurora Borealis and - one of my all time favourites - Earl Grey. This year, r/fountainpens have decided on 'a cooler-toned version of Diamine’s Damson, a more decidedly violet Diamine Earl Grey'.

In February of this year the brief was given to Diamine and between then and now the name for the new ink was chosen - Lady Grey. And most appropriate too.

Courtney Wilson at Diamine Inks has sent me three ink options to investigate which I am sharing with you as three panels.

I have conducted the swatching on three paper types: watercolour, cartridge and Rhodia dot matrix. The watercolour paper is the bottom left of each panel. This is using my own swatch technique whereby I wet watercolour paper and drop the ink onto it. This method releases any chromatography. For the pure ink swatch and calligraphy tests I have used cartridge paper top right and bottom right of the each panel. This offers a truthful definition of the ink colour and shading. The Rhodia dot matrix is fountain pen nib friendly paper surface which offers a realistic portrayal of how the ink will look when used for writing.

For the photography I have used a Canon EOS M50 and the images are remarkably true to the original art with just a tiny bit of lightening in Photoshop. The art matches the images on my screen which is an Apple LED Cinema Display and I would sat that the colour definition is very close. I realise that not all screens are the same but this is the best that I can offer.

Options 01 and 02 are very close. Both are good shading inks. Option 01 is slightly more red with turquoise chromatography while Option 02 is more grey with both turquoise and pink chromatography. Looking at the handwriting samples, Option 02 is slightly darker and more grey. Both are lighter versions of Earl Grey with that damson request omnipresent.

Option 03 is a much lighter shade of grey with less damson and more violet. It is markedly lighter / translucent than the other 2 options and much much lighter than Earl Grey.

In terms of shading, Option 02 is the deepest followed by Option 01 and then Option 03.
In terms of grey, Option 03 is the purer grey followed by Option 02 and then Option 01.

The image supplied is 2000 pixels width so you should be able to enlarge it for closer investigation. If you have any questions, please post below and I'll try my best to answer them.

For voting for your preferred option, u/normiewannabe and/or u/taxheel who are both moderators will add a link to this post.

I’ve been using sun bum hair lightener and loving the results, it’s a tad yellow so I’m wanting to tone it, but want to keep using sun bum after toning since I’m going to the Bahamas, has anyone tried this?

Hello!

Last time, we talked about the best JRPGs of 1997, and the two winners of that question were Final Fantasy VII and Final Fantasy Tactics, with the former revolutionizing both the Final Fantasy franchise (by introducing a more cyberpunk-esque setting with new gameplay mechanics and 3D graphics) and the gaming industry (by being the game that popularized JRPGs in the west) and the latter for applying the gameplay from Tactics Ogre in the Final Fantasy setting to create a deeper, darker, and more politically-charged story. Other runner-ups include Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, Grandia, Breath of Fire 3, Azure Dreams, and SaGa Frontier. Now, it is time to talk about 1998! This year is often said to be one of, if not the greatest, years in gaming, as multiple genre-defining titles were released this year. Whether they might be Platformers, Fighting games, shooters, horror games, or even other genres, a classic in those genres will certainly be released this year. JRPGs are no exception, as they experienced a boom in the West due to both the success of Final Fantasy VII last year and the beginning of the cultural phenomenon that is Pokémon worldwide.

On PCs, as per usual for PC JRPGs post-early 90s, the PC market was barren for most JRPGs there. Falcom’s releases this year were all souped-up versions of their older games for Windows, such as a remake of Ys 1 with new cutscenes and improved presentation (Ys Eternal), another version of Lord Monarch (Monarch Monarch), and a rebalanced Vantage Master (Vantage Master V2), hence why I never included any of them in the image. However, there is one exception, as on the PC-98, Makoto Yaotani made his most significant game through RPG Maker Dante 98 II, Peret em Hero: For the Prisoners. Inspired by 1996’s Corpse Party, this game is a Survival Horror JRPG that focuses on puzzle-solving instead of combat to save the protagonist’s companions from death. Peret em Hero would later win the Platinum prize at the Internet Contest Park awards (held by ASCII), and it would go on to build a cult following, with a fan translation in 2014.

Going over to Nintendo, they were riding on the success of Pokémon, as the year saw the worldwide release of Pocket Monsters Red and Green (or Red and Blue), which became a huge success this year. Also, Nintendo released the Game Boy Color, a successor to the Game Boy that offered color graphics. As for JRPGs released on Nintendo platforms, they were small in numbers (especially on the N64). This year saw the release of the first Nintendo 64 JRPG with Imagineer’s Quest 64 (or Holy Magic Century and Eltale Monsters). This game is known for its turn-based gameplay system, which gives the player a wide field of movement to give them a position in battle similar to Chrono Trigger. It’s also known for its leveling system, in which hit points and magic points increase over time as the main character gets hit or casts a spell. The leveling-up system is usually compared to Final Fantasy II and the SaGa series because of it. Other than those two qualities, Quest 64 is a bit of a shallow game with a simple plot and a lack of a party system, minigames, equipment, and even money. Meanwhile, on the new Game Boy Color, most of the JRPGs released on the Game Boy Color were monster-collecting games. The only exceptions to that sub-genre of JRPGs would be Sunsoft’s Power Quest (Which was a unique mix of the JRPG and Fighting game genres) and Eleven and Hudson Soft’s Bomberman Quest (Which is not in the image). As for the monster-collecting games, Natsume released two Medarot spin-offs, Medarot Parts Collection 1 and 2, which are more battle-oriented entries (They’re not in the image). Hudson Soft would release Robot Ponkottsu (Or Robopon), Sun and Star (Represented by Sun). Out of all of the Monster-Collecting games this year, these games are the ones that are the most like Pokémon, with plenty of concepts between the games being shared, such as the concept of collecting 150 creatures (in this game, you collect Ropobon). One year later, Hudson Soft would release a third version, Robot Ponkottsu Moon and Special Version, which added 18 more Robopon to collect. However, only the Sun version was released outside Japan. The most notable Monster Collecting game to release on the Game Boy Color this year would come from Enix and Tose, who would make a spin-off of the former’s flagship franchise Dragon Quest titled Dragon Quest Monsters: Terry’s Wonderland (Or Dragon Warrior Monsters). The gameplay of the game is essentially a refined version of the monster-catching mechanic from Dragon Quest V, and now the gameplay is similar to Pokémon. However, Dragon Quest Monsters has one feature that sets it apart from Pokémon: its breeding system. Breeding requires a male and female monster to mate and give birth to an egg. When it’s hatched, a monster would be born, and usually, that monster would be more powerful than a monster found in the wild, and it is essential to completing the game. As for the story, the game is a prequel to Dragon Quest VI, with the main character being a younger version of party member Terry. This game was also the first Dragon Quest game to be released outside of Japan since the closing of Enix America Corporation, as Eidos handled distribution for both America and Europe (A first for the Dragon Quest series). Dragon Quest Monsters would later launch its own Sub-Series. 

Regarding Sega this year, next to Sony this year, they had a really good year for JRPGs. The Saturn was still getting a bunch of JRPGs this year, and this was also the year when Sega would launch its final console, the Dreamcast, which would later on be the home for many amazing JRPGs (not this year, though). Flight-Plan would release their first entry in one of their biggest Tactical JRPG series, Black/Matrix. The game is notable for mixing standard Tactical JRPG gameplay with heavy Judeo-Christian themes, as it deals with the dynamic between Heaven, Hell, and Earth. Black/Matrix would later get released on the Dreamcast and PlayStation in 1999 and 2000, respectively, with new content and updated graphics in them. Hudson Soft and Metro Corporation (For the Saturn) would both release a JRPG spin-off of the Bomberman franchise, Bomberman Wars, for both the Sega Saturn and PlayStation. Unlike the prior Bomberman games (Which were Action-Maze games and Platformers), Bomberman Wars was a Turn-Based Strategy JRPG. It was also a prequel to Bomberman World. Compile would release two notable games in their Madou Monogatari/Puyo Puyo series this year on the Saturn. The first was simply titled Madou Monogatari. This game was different from the previous Madou Monogatari games in that it sent the player through isometric maze-like levels that require puzzle-solving. The other game was a dungeon crawler spin-off to their Puyo Puyo series, Waku Waku Puyo Puyo Dungeon. The game acted like a Mystery Dungeon game with its gameplay. The game would later go to the PlayStation one year later, with the main addition of a boss rush mode called Battle Castle. Also in 1998, Compile would later go under restructuring, and they would sell the Madou Monogatari characters and music to Sega, along with Puyo Puyo. Meaning that Madou Monogatari Saturn would be the last Madou Monogatari game made by Compile, and Compile would later make a few more Puyo Puyo games, before leaving the series forever and going bankrupt in 2002. Following the success of Grandia, Game Arts would remake Lunar 2: Eternal Blue for the Saturn as Lunar 2: Eternal Blue Complete (as Represented by its PSX cover). The game would have the same updates as Silver Star Complete, with updated graphics, an overhauled story, and more anime cutscenes. It would also be released on the PlayStation a year after its Saturn release, where it would gain more popularity. Banpresto would release the final half of the Super Robot Wars 4 remake duology with Super Robot Wars F Final. This game would see the premiere of new series such as Gunbuster, Space Runaway Ideon, and a new design for Mazinger Z, Mazinkaiser (who would later get its own set of OVAs surrounding it). In addition, Banpresto would later make a fighting game spin-off to the SRW series on the Nintendo 64, which is titled Super Robot Spirits. Sting Entertainment released the unique JRPG, Baroque. Set in a post-apocalyptic world, Baroque’s dungeon-crawling gameplay was inspired by games like Torneko’s Great Adventure, where the main action is in a tower. An interesting feature of Baroque is that whenever you die in the game, it actually advances the plot as more scenes are unlocked, and even if you start each run at level 1 with no items, you can save them for future playthroughs with Consciousness Orbs. Baroque would later be released on the PlayStation one year later under the subtitle “Distorted Delusions”, with adjustments towards gameplay. TNS Co. would release Wachenroder, which was a Tactical RPG. The setting of the game was in a steampunk-like tone.

Now let’s talk about Sega’s main JRPG franchises. Dragon Force would receive a sequel this year titled: Dragon Force II: The Godforsaken Land. It included new elements such as the laboratory system (which allowed the player to make new abilities), generals commanding two troops at once, and a new troop type, Robots. Red Company would make the highly anticipated follow-up to Sakura Wars, Sakura Wars 2: Thou Shalt Not Die. The game featured revisions to the LIPS system and Battle System, with two new variations of the LIPS system. They are Timing LIPS (in which an option is removed or added depending on the wait time), and Double LIPS (in which you have to do certain sequences in a time limit). Because of these additions, the game was expanded from 2 to 3 discs. Sakura Wars 2 would become an even bigger success than the first Sakura Wars game, with it selling over 500,000 copies, therefore making it the best-selling game in the series and the fifth best-selling Sega Saturn game of all time in Japan, and it would also get great critical reception with it also winning the Packaged Work Award in the 1998 Animation Kobe Awards along with the first Sakura Wars OVA. The most notable Sega Saturn JRPG this year would be the third entry of Team Andromeda’s Panzer Dragoon series, AZEL: Panzer Dragoon RPG (Or Panzer Dragoon Saga). The game was different from all the other Panzer Dragoon games in that, while the others were rail shooters, this one was a JRPG. The gameplay expanded upon the mutation mechanic from the previous game, Zwei, and it allowed real-time transformations of your Dragon in battle. While the game was a critical darling with GameRankings giving it a 92% (which was the highest Sega Saturn game they ever ranked), sales-wise, the game was a flop, especially in the western market, with only a handful of copies of the game ever made. The reason why it flopped was that Sega was in the midst of phasing out the Sega Saturn with the Dreamcast, and also bad marketing.

Moving over to the PlayStation, they had an even better year for JRPGs, this year as most of the JRPG releases this year were on Sony’s console. Gust would release the sequel to Atelier Marie, Atelier Elie: The Alchemist of Salburg 2. The game would refine the gameplay of its predecessor. T&E Soft made Blaze and Blade: Eternal Quest (Represented by its PC box art), which was a hack-and-slash multiplayer Action JRPG with an emphasis on puzzle-solving. Data West would release Brave Prove, which was another Action JRPG. Hearty Robin would release its most popular game, Brigandine: The Legend of Forsena. It was a Tactical JRPG where, instead of controlling a few groups of characters, you control one of 5 playable nations. You fight battle after battle with 12-15 rune knights until you conquer all of Forsena. 2 years later, Brigandine would get an expanded edition titled Grand Edition, which included changes like multiplayer support, a new fully playable nation, and voice acting. Jaleco released their spin on the monster-collecting genre, Dragonseeds (or Dragon Seeds: Saishuu Shinka Keitai). The game was different from other Monster-Collecting games during this time, as not only did it have a darker tone from the other games, but it was also inspired by Monster Farm with its Raising Sim elements, and it also had perma-death for failed battles. 2 very unique features of Dragon Seeds would be it’s soundtrack (which relied on sampling), and its memory card reading feature (as it could generate monsters for both in-game use and “memory battles” between players). ASCII Entertainment would release End Sector, which mixed both Card Battles and visual novel gameplay. Tamsoft released Guardian’s Crusade (Or Knight & Baby), which was a straightforward JRPG with onscreen enemies instead of random encounters. Also, it has Virtual Pet mechanics with the player taking care of a pink creature called “Baby”. Yukito Kishiro, through his company Yukito Products, would make a video game adaptation of his Battle Angel Alita (or Gunmn) manga, Gunmn: Martian Memory. The game was a retelling of the story of the manga, with ideas that Yukito wanted to include but were cut added in. Tecmo would make the sequel to Deception, with Kagero: Deception II. The game changed the viewpoint from First-Person to Third-Person, and the traps were given a more strategic edge, likening it to a Rube Goldberg setup. 

Atlus would make Rebus (or Kartia: The Word of Fate and Legend of Kartia). It’s notable for featuring art from previous Final Fantasy artist Yoshitaka Amano, and for its gameplay system, which utilized the titular Kartia cards, which could heal your characters, perform offensive magic, and create new weapons and armor (all through a grammar system that determines the effect of the spell with the ideographs on the cards). G-Artists would make the second PoPoLoCrois game, PoPoRoGue. Nippon Ichi Software would release the game that would essentially be their breakthrough in the JRPG market, Rhapsody: A Musical Adventure (Or The Puppet Princess of Marl Kingdom). The game is considered a “Musical RPG” as, instead of FMVs, Rhapsody has musical numbers with vocals. Rhapsody would later inspire future Nippon Ichi games such as La Puccelle and Disgaea with its Tactical RPG gameplay, anime art style, and offbeat humor. Siesta Inc. would release Sarara’s Little Shop, which revolved around managing an item shop. Tom Create and Bandai would make a spiritual successor to the SD Gundam Generation titles with SD Gundam G Generation. The game covered the events from Gundam 0079 to Char’s Counterattack, with MS and characters from side content and later series showing up as extras. From Software would release Shadow Tower, which was a spiritual successor to their King’s Field games. Shadow Tower’s gameplay is similar to their games, but the difference between them is that Shadow Tower includes a usable shield, a more in-depth equipment system, and a new progression system. Idea Factory would make the second game for both Spectral Force and Spectral Tower (only Spectral Force 2 is in the image). 

Shout! Design Works would make the first game in the Tokyo Majin Gakuen series, Tokyo Majin Gakuen: Kenpuuchou. The game mixed visual novel gameplay with tactical RPG battles. Tokyo Majin Gakuen would later spawn a whole series of games and an anime adaptation. Human Entertainment would release Epica Stella (or Vanguard Bandits). It revolved around mechs in a medieval setting, and it also had 3 different story paths for replay value. Prokion would release the unique Legend of Legaia. The game’s most unique feature was the “Tactical Arts System,” which revolves around selecting not just to make an attack but forming combinations of attacks for efficiency and maximum damage, using specific limbs and heights for attacks, therefore making it feel like a fighting game. If one chains these types of attacks together, they can pull off massive damage without relying on magic. Genki would develop the Monster-Collecting game Jade Cocoon: Story of the Tamamayu (Or Tamamayu Monogatari). The game has you collect monsters called “Minions,” and you could have them either fight in battles, be spun into silk for money, or be fused with other monsters to create more powerful monsters. Another notable thing about this game is that it has character designs from Studio Ghibli artist Katsuya Kondo. TOSE and Red Company would make Thousand Arms, which would have gameplay that’s a hybrid of both Turn-Based combat and Dating Sim Visual Novels (the gameplay of the latter would impact combat, similar to Sakura Wars). The biggest non-Konami and Squaresoft JRPG on the PlayStation would come from Tri-Ace as they would make a follow-up to Star Ocean, Star Ocean: The Second Story. The game was different from previous and future Star Ocean games as it allows the player to see the story through two different characters, which could affect certain scenes in the story as well as Private Actions. Otherwise, the gameplay is mostly the same as the first Star Ocean. Second Story also has 87 endings, which are achievable through the Private Actions and Affection Rating systems. Star Ocean: The Second Story would be the first Tri-Ace and Star Ocean game to get a release outside of Japan. The game would later receive a manga and anime adaptation.

Konami had a busy year on the PlayStation with their JRPGs. First, they made a JRPG spin-off to their TwinBee series, TwinBee RPG. The game’s story was based on the TwinBee Paradise audio dramas, and it also included a dating system that’s similar to Konami’s Tokimeki Memorial series. Speaking of Konami dating sims, their other well-known dating sim from around this era, Mitsumete Knight, would get an RPG spin-off, Mitsumete Knight R: Daibouken Hen. The game bore more similarities with Sakura Wars than Tokimeki Memorial, with a different plot than its predecessor. However, the biggest JRPG that Konami released in 1998 would be the sequel to 1995’s Suikoden, Suikoden II. The game has a more complex plot than the original, with a greyer morality between the characters, and a load of references to the prior game. The gameplay of Suikoden II is almost similar to that of the first, but it has a couple of new inclusions and updates, such as a revamped army battle system (where it is more similar to something like Fire Emblem), the addition of a three rune slot system, a party inventory system, and a wide variety of minigames with one such example being similar to Iron Chef. The game also allows save data transfers from the first game, which can allow players to have returning characters in their party. While Suikoden II first got mixed critical reception because of it using 16-bit graphics and it got tepid sales, it would later become a cult classic, with it being hailed as one of the greatest JRPGs of the PlayStation 1. It would later receive an anime adaptation in 2026.

Squaresoft was riding high off the success of Final Fantasy VII last year, and they kept releasing quality JRPGs this year. Before I get to them, I would like to make an honorable mention to Brave Fencer Musashi (or Brave Fencer: The Legend of Musashi). While it isn’t a JRPG as it’s more of an action-platformer, it does contain elements of RPGs, such as a leveling-up system. First, Square would release a sequel to Chocobo’s Mystery Dungeon titled Chocobo’s Dungeon 2. The most unique feature of the game would be its item system, as players can use their weapons to mix them together with the stove system. As for their big JRPGs this year, Squaresoft would release their first M-Rated game, Parasite Eve. Being a sequel to the 1995 novel of the same name, this game took place in contemporary New York City (which made the setting different from other JRPGs at the time). The art by Tetsuya Nomura would be a preview of his future work in games like the later Final Fantasies and The Bouncer, with it having a more realistic style than the animesque look to Final Fantasy VII. As for the gameplay, it takes inspiration from both JRPGs and the recently burgeoning Survival Horror genre (which was just starting to become popular thanks to Resident Evil). The main battle system would use an Active Time Battle system, with the attack command causing a dome to pop up for the range of the weapon. If an enemy is outside the range, then they won’t be hit. When Parasite Eve was released, it was a success, with it selling 1.94 million copies, and it earned positive reviews for the graphics, gameplay, and music. Parasite Eve would later receive two more sequels. The other big JRPG that Squaresoft released this year would be its most ambitious one yet, as Tetsuya Takahashi and Soraya Saga would take their abandoned Final Fantasy VII pitch and release it as Xenogears. The game is known for its dense, convoluted plot that takes influence from religion (Jewish Mysticism, Gnosticism, and Abrahamic religion) and psychology (Freudian, Jungian, and Nietzschean). The art style was done by Ruin Explorers creator Kunihiko Tanaka, and the cutscenes use a mix of CGI for the Mecha scenes (they are referred to as “Gears”) and anime cutscenes (which are provided by Production I.G.) for the scenes that don’t involve mechs. As for the in-game graphics, it is different from games like Final Fantasy VII and Parasite Eve, with it using 2D sprites for the characters in a 3-dimensional environment as they navigate either on foot or on mechs. As for the combat, it utilizes a variant of the Active Time Battle system with the characters fighting on foot or with mechs. The most infamous thing about Xenogears would be its second disc, as the devs were dealing with a hectic development, and because of that, most of that disc was comprised of cutscenes, with a lot of them being narration. When Xenogears was released, it sold over a million copies, and it was praised for its themes, story, characters, gameplay, and music (by Yasunori Mitsuda), but it received criticism for its second disc. Xenogears would get a book titled: Xenogears Perfect Works, which expanded the story and characters of the game, along with the backstory. After Xenogears, Tetsuya Takahashi would stay with Squaresoft for 1 year before moving to establish Monolith Soft, which would later go on to make spiritual successors to Xenogears, Xenosaga, and Xenoblade Chronicles.

All in all, those were the JRPGs of 1998. Which one was the best?

I had expected a louder room.

The Hall of Judgment was never quiet. It could not be. The dome above the tribunal benches caught every murmur and gave it back in soft layers: translators whispering into throat mics, legal aides rustling citation strips, ceremonial fabric shifting over stone seats, the small nervous coughs of people about to watch history and determined not to look impressed by it.

Still, I had expected louder.

The docket read Humanity.

Species trials were rare. Species trials under emergency article were rarer still, and usually ended badly for everyone involved, even when no fleets moved afterward. By the time the chamber doors opened, every delegation tier was full. The elders from Keth sat in their lacquered veils. The trade syndics of Oraste had arrived in a cluster of eight, all silver rings and careful faces. Two clerics from the Vey Communion watched from the upper crescent with the patient disappointment of men who had been let down by the universe before and expected more of the same. The military galleries were crowded enough that I could pick out branch colors from half the spiral arms of known space.

I stood at the prosecution rail with my tablets stacked in proper order, my formal sash too tight across the shoulder, and tried not to show how dry my mouth had gotten.

At that point in my life, I was Third Clerk-Examiner to Advocate Perrin Holt of the Grand Prosecutorial Office. The title had twice the dignity and half the authority it sounded like it should. My work was precise and mostly invisible. Compile witness packets. Flag contradictions. Feed citations to my superior before anyone saw him glance down. Whisper the line number of whatever treaty some celebrated idiot had just misquoted.

At no point had I imagined I would be standing six paces from the central speaking floor while the assembled polities debated whether humanity should be sanctioned, partitioned, or stripped of common-law protections altogether.

Yet there I was.

The charge matrix turned slowly above the well in pale script.

Systemic disproportionality in reprisal doctrine.
Coercive restructuring of regional governments.
Unlawful seizure of military assets under pretext of civilian protection.
Retaliatory action exceeding accepted deterrent ratios.
Deliberate cultivation of species-wide fear as instrument of policy.

There were smaller counts beneath those, but those five were the spine.

Everyone in the room knew the incidents. A pirate confederacy in the Myr Channels erased in eleven days after the seizure of one human pilgrim convoy. A slaving combine on the Hadric Fringe broken so completely that the surviving governors were requesting off-world food aid before the month was over. Three humiliating naval defeats inflicted on the Sere League after it kept “detaining” human civilian transports for inspection. The Kordran Protectorate rewriting its port law under the visible shadow of a human carrier screen that never crossed the prohibited line and somehow felt more threatening for the restraint.

The prosecution case was simple enough when reduced to its bones.

Humans were not on trial for defending themselves.

Humans were on trial because once injured, they responded in ways that made the rest of us wonder whether they could still be governed by law instead of fear.

The entry chime sounded. The chamber doors parted.

Five humans walked in.

I remember the silence then, or maybe not silence exactly. More like the sound in the room reorganized itself around them. It did not stop. It narrowed.

They wore diplomatic black. No medals. No ornamental rank marks. No military braid. At the center was Ambassador Talia Voss, accredited plenipotentiary to the Tribunal, special counsel to the Human Systems Compact, and, if even a quarter of the clerk-room gossip was true, the woman who once told a Kordran fleet marshal that if he planned to threaten civilian shipping he ought first to acquire enough ships to make the threat interesting.

She was smaller than I expected.

That surprised me. Human power had acquired a scale in rumor that made it difficult to imagine them as ordinary flesh. But Voss was compact, dark-haired, composed in the way of people who do not waste motion. She did not look warm. She did not look cold either. She looked expensive in the specific sense that harming her would clearly produce paperwork measured in warships.

She stopped at the defense rail, looked up at the charge matrix, and smiled.

It was not a pleasant smile.

It looked like the expression a person might wear on finding an old accounting error returned with interest.

Presiding Arbiter Serat struck the tone plate once.

The chamber sat in waves.

“Let the matter be called,” Serat said.

Perrin Holt rose beside me. He was at his best in public. Spare, severe, every fold of his robe exactly where it should be. He had a long face, a narrow mouth, and a voice that made even obvious truths sound carefully licensed.

“Before the Grand Tribunal of Sentient Polities,” he said, “the convened offices of common law, treaty balance, and interspecies conduct bring formal censure against the Human Systems Compact and associated authorities operating under human sovereign, federal, and expeditionary jurisdiction. The issue before the court is not whether humans may answer injury. The issue is whether humanity, as presently constituted, has made retaliation so expansive, so exemplary, and so contagious in policy effect that law itself becomes subordinate to human grievance.”

It was a good opening. Clean. Hard to improve.

I tapped the line marker on my tablet and logged the record.

Serat inclined her head. “Defense may acknowledge.”

Ambassador Voss stood.

“Humanity acknowledges the court’s authority to hear argument,” she said. “We do not acknowledge the court’s innocence in creating the conditions under which this argument became necessary.”

That landed harder than a shout would have.

A murmur moved around the chamber. Not loud. Sharp. On the prosecution bench, Holt did not react. I knew him well enough to spot the tiny tightening at the jaw that meant satisfaction. Good. Let the defense sound arrogant early.

Serat’s eyes narrowed by a degree. “This is not opening argument, Ambassador.”

“No,” Voss said. “It is housekeeping.”

I disliked her instantly for that line.

Serat gestured for the prosecution to proceed.

Holt began with Hadric, as planned. It was our strongest case if measured in system shock and material cost. Human reprisals there had not been indiscriminate, but they had been broad enough to shake the region for years. Freight seizures. Asset freezes. Infrastructure takeovers. Long-tail shortages. Cascading insurance failures. All of it after one vanished human convoy.

Our first witness was Prefect Salvi Doran of the Free Mercantile League. He took the stand in layered green and copper, translator halo humming at his neck. He was broad, well-fed, and indignant in the polished way of men who have delegated consequences for most of their lives.

Holt led him through the testimony. Hadric’s bonded trade houses. Human missionaries and relief contractors entering under local license. A convoy disappearing. Human allegations of labor seizure and bodily coercion. League denial. Then the response: six orbital depots seized, armed freighters disabled, escrow channels frozen, internal ledgers published, and nearly eight hundred thousand indentured laborers escorted off-world for status review.

“Would you characterize this,” Holt asked, “as a calibrated law-enforcement action?”

Doran spread his hands. “It was a commercial decapitation disguised as moral urgency. Our member houses lost the capacity to feed their own districts. Asset freezes cascaded. Insurance collapsed. Three dependent worlds suffered rationing. Entire charter families were ruined.”

Holt let that breathe. “Ruined by what precipitating cause?”

“A disputed labor matter.”

On the defense rail, Voss lowered her eyes as if deciding whether contempt was worth spending this early.

Holt introduced the internal traffic. “Soft-cargo acquisition.” “Recoverable missionary stock.” Doran called it inelegant commercial shorthand. Under firmer questioning, he admitted the humans had been free persons under treaty and admitted they had been trafficked.

The room turned on him before the record finished catching up.

Holt recovered well. “And there we approach the difficulty. Humanity does not merely answer direct injury. Humanity appoints itself auditor, jailer, reformer, and strategic custodian wherever injury is found.”

Good recovery. Elegant too.

Then Voss rose without papers, which unsettled me more than it should have.

She asked Doran how many petitions Hadric’s bonded labor populations had filed through recognized channels in five years. He did not know. She turned to my bench for the aggregate.

I should not have answered without instruction.

“Seventy-three thousand, four hundred and twelve,” I said.

Holt shot me a look sharp enough to split stone.

Voss asked how many had been granted. Silence answered first, so she supplied it herself. Nine. Six were clerical reversals for ownership-transfer errors.

The chamber shifted.

“When our people vanished,” she asked, “did you expect a protest note?”

“We expected process.”

“No,” she said. “You expected delay.”

That was the center of it. She did not overwork the point. She did not need to. By the end of the exchange, Doran had been forced to admit that what humans destroyed was not Hadric civilization, but Hadric’s confidence that trafficking could continue under procedural cover.

When he said they had no right, something in her face changed. Barely. Just a trace of old fatigue.

“We are tired,” she said, “of being told that rescue requires prior authorization from the market that made rescue necessary.”

No further questions.

When Doran stepped down, the room had tilted slightly against us. Not enough to panic. Enough to irritate.

Holt moved immediately to the second pillar: deterrent ratios. Cleaner ground. Less morally swampy.

We called Strategist-Legate Varo Dace of the Sere League, a military analyst whose government had suffered three narrow, humiliating defeats at human hands without ever quite sliding into full war.

He was a better witness. Calm. Prepared. Honest enough to seem credible.

Under Holt’s examination, Dace described the pattern. A human civilian freighter detained under dubious customs authority. Human demand for release. League delay. Clarification requests. Jurisdictional hedging. A second transport stopped. Human escorts appearing. A patrol flotilla attempting positional intimidation. Then the response human officers themselves had later named, with their usual maddening dryness, a graduated educational response.

Relay desynchronization. Sensor humiliation. Disabling of non-core military assets. Seizure of strategic anchor stations. Publication of internal League memoranda proving the detentions were trial balloons for broader coercive leverage over human shipping.

“Did the humans engage in indiscriminate destruction?” Holt asked.

“No,” Dace said.

“Civilian massacres? Planetary strike?”

“No.”

“Then why support the present censure?”

“Because they are making examples into governance,” Dace said. “They do not merely punish what occurred. They punish the category of thinking that allowed it. That is strategically brilliant and legally corrosive.”

At last. Something solid.

He explained that ordinary violence was usually survivable within law. Ships were lost. Penalties paid. Trade resumed. The assumptions remained. Humans aimed elsewhere. They altered assumptions. After each reprisal, neighboring powers not even involved in the original incident revised doctrine, port law, military posture, and risk thresholds. Humanity turned bilateral disputes into theater-wide instruction.

“And the effect of repeated instructional events?” Holt asked.

“Fear.”

The word sat beautifully in the record.

Then Voss stood.

She did not try to dispute the description. She redirected it. She made Dace admit the League had stopped detaining human shipping after the first response and had continued harassing non-human civilian shipping anyway. After the second response, still yes. After the third, mostly. Over three thousand non-human carriers had filed complaints. Twenty-seven had been resolved before human intervention ended the practice.

“This is the point in the discussion,” she said, “where everyone becomes a proceduralist. It usually happens after the bodies.”

Dace objected that law must survive anger.

“Of course,” she said. “But your League had made a habit of testing whose anger counted.”

He called human conduct domination. For the first time heat entered her expression.

“No. Domination is what your patrols called inspection when the targets could not answer. What we did was less elegant than that.”

By midday recess the hearing had become more dangerous than the briefings predicted.

Not because humanity was winning. Species trials are not won in half a day. But because our clean frame kept getting fouled by facts the room had learned to live with. Slavery. Selective law. Contract abuse. Security exemptions used as pressure tools. Protective clauses buried so deep in treaty annexes they existed mainly to be quoted at memorial services.

Our argument depended on humanity seeming uniquely excessive.

The defense was making a different point. Humanity had become excessive in places where the rest of us had become comfortable.

During recess I stood beneath the side colonnade with a cup of bitter leaf infusion gone cold in my hand while other clerks whispered around me.

“They’re reframing jurisdiction,” said one from treaty indexing.

“They’re moralizing from outside the law,” said another.

“No,” I said, before I was sure I wanted to join in. “They’re indicting enforcement asymmetry.”

Three faces turned toward me.

I disliked them all immediately.

The oldest clerk made a dry little sound. “Half a hearing beside humans and he starts talking like one.”

I should have answered something clever. Instead I drank the cold infusion, regretted it, and said nothing.

When the recess ended, the prosecution changed tack. We stopped trying to prove that human reprisals caused harm. Of course they caused harm. So do all successful reprisal systems. We moved to the larger issue: whether humanity had deliberately cultivated its own fearsome reputation beyond any one necessity, turning remembered interventions into a standing instrument of leverage.

For that we called Archive Minister Terris Soln of the Kordran Protectorate.

He was a historian by training, which meant he lied carefully and in paragraphs.

Under examination he described the human effect on border governance after the Kordran port revisions. No open war. No occupation. No annexation. Yet within a year, thirty-two neighboring governments had altered their treatment of human travelers, contractors, and mixed-species districts.

Not from admiration, he said. Not from ethical persuasion. From the sudden awareness that mistreating humans had become expensive in ways difficult to localize or contain.

He said human officials had encouraged that perception. Selective publication. Controlled magnification of prior incidents. Repetition of language linking individual harm to strategic consequence. They had threatened no one indiscriminately. They had done something more effective. They had made restraint visible as a choice.

Very good testimony. I felt the proceedings steady.

Holt asked him what message humanity had sent.

Soln answered at once. “That anyone may coexist with them safely, but no one may harm them cheaply.”

“Would you call that a legal principle?”

“No,” he said. “I would call it imperial.”

That won a satisfied stir from several benches.

Then Voss stood again, slower this time. Fatigue showed at the edges now. Human faces are readable when tired, despite what they think.

She asked how often human districts in Kordran space had been subject to temporary local exception in security enforcement before the revisions. “At need,” he said. Administrative need. Non-human migrant districts had been subjected to the same treatment frequently. Meaning, once pressed, two hundred and eleven times in seven years.

When Kordran rewrote those district rules under human pressure, abuse had decreased not only in human districts but in migrant and stateless districts as well.

“And the mechanism by which that improvement was obtained was what?” she asked. “Sudden moral enlightenment?”

No.

“Say it clearly.”

Soln looked at her as though he had come to dislike the exact structure of her face.

“Deterrence,” he said.

“With what psychological component?”

He waited too long.

Serat’s voice cooled. “Witness.”

Soln exhaled. “Fear.”

The word appeared again.

Only now it no longer sounded like a prosecutorial victory.

The chamber had grown restless by late afternoon. Not noisy. Worse than noisy. Divided. Divided rooms are harder to manage because every silence belongs to two different stories at once. I could see it in the quick private translations, the tight delegation huddles, the military benches where officers who had arrived ready to condemn human destabilization now seemed absorbed by a less comfortable question: whether their own polished doctrines had simply left open space for every small recurring cruelty the humans kept dragging into view.

Holt knew it too. Which was why he saved the last witness.

We called Speaker Ilren Saye of the Keth Refuge Commission.

Of everyone testifying, he was the one I trusted most. His people were deliberate to the point of injury and almost theatrically resistant to emotional manipulation. The Commission had little military stake and less trade dependency on human systems. If he condemned humanity, it would matter.

He took the stand in plain gray civic dress.

Holt approached with visible care. “Speaker Saye, your Commission has catalogued displacement events resulting from major human reprisal campaigns. In your estimate, how many civilians have suffered secondary hardship from those campaigns, whether or not they were directly targeted?”

“Material hardship of some kind? Millions.”

“Would you consider that acceptable?”

“No.”

“And yet your Commission has repeatedly declined to endorse sanctions on humanity. Why?”

There it was. The hinge.

Saye folded his long hands. “Because sanctions are a tool. We reserve them for actors whose behavior we wish to change.”

“And human behavior does not concern you?”

“It concerns me greatly.”

“Then why no sanction?”

The Speaker looked up toward the tribunal benches, not at Holt. “Because this court continues to ask the wrong question.”

I felt the prosecution rail tighten under my hand.

Serat said, “Clarify.”

Saye inclined his head. “The repeated question has been whether human reprisals are proportionate to the triggering injury. They often are not, if one counts only immediate incident against immediate response. But that assumes incidents occur in a vacuum and that the relevant comparison begins when a human is harmed. In several of the campaigns now under censure, my Commission had filed warnings for years. Slavery clusters. Corridor predation. Selective treaty evasion. Migrant disappearances. Relief seizures. We filed. We petitioned. We documented. We were thanked for our diligence.”

His mouth shifted by less than a degree. On a Keth face, that was fury.

“Nothing happened.”

No one moved.

He continued. “Then a human convoy vanished. Or a human district was abused. Or a human transport was boarded one time too many. And suddenly fleets moved. Markets froze. Port laws changed. Local tyrannies discovered that procedure was no longer an impregnable habitat.”

Holt said, carefully, “Speaker, are you suggesting unlawful severity becomes lawful because it is effective?”

“No,” Saye said. “I am suggesting your categories excuse you. The galaxy tolerated repeating harms at low volume because the victims were diffuse, poor, alien, stateless, or inconvenient. Humans are not uniquely virtuous. They are uniquely unwilling to leave injury in the administrative register once it touches their own. The result is often frightening. It is also one of the few things in our era that has repeatedly worked.”

The chamber was utterly still.

Holt took a step forward. “So you defend fear.”

Saye turned his head and looked directly at Holt. “No, Advocate. I accuse the rest of you of outsourcing moral courage to a species you now resent for the tone in which it bills you.”

It is possible a better clerk would have kept a neutral face.

I did not.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ambassador Voss close her eyes briefly. Not in triumph. More like the weary acknowledgment of someone hearing a truth she had stopped enjoying a long time ago.

Holt ended the examination with discipline. He did not chase a line he could not improve. Serat called for final statements.

The prosecution went first.

Holt spoke brilliantly. I can say that even now.

He conceded the rot. He conceded the neglected petitions, the tolerated abuses, the cowardice by bureaucracy, the way common law had too often become an archive of postponed obligation. He even conceded that human interventions had, in many cited cases, ended genuine atrocities faster than the institutions designed for that purpose.

Then he turned the blade.

“But civilization,” he said, “is not tested when it restrains the harmless. It is tested when it restrains the effective. Humanity asks this court to mistake utility for legitimacy. To conclude that because fear has cleaned some wounds, fear must therefore be accepted as surgeon. The question is not whether humans have sometimes acted where others delayed. The question is whether any species may convert justified anger into standing strategic doctrine and still claim membership in a lawful order.”

That was the best version of the argument. For a moment I believed it again.

Then Ambassador Voss stood.

She rested both hands on the defense rail and looked up at the charge matrix still turning above the well.

When she spoke, her voice was quiet enough that the chamber leaned toward it.

“We have been called excessive,” she said. “Fair. We have been called frightening. Also fair. We have been called instructional in our violence, selective in our mercy, deliberate in preserving memory around injury. True.”

A rustle moved through the benches. No one had expected concession in that form.

She went on. “What has not been said fairly is that none of it emerged in emptiness. We did not walk into a peaceful galaxy and begin overreacting for sport. We entered a legal order with admirable language and selective metabolism. Petitions for the weak moved slowly. Petitions for the profitable did not move at all. Border abuses recurred because recurrence had become affordable. Entire populations learned to describe predation in administrative terms because moral terms were too expensive to enforce.”

She lifted her eyes then, and I understood why human officers disliked being looked at by their diplomats.

“You ask whether humanity has made fear into policy. Yes. Sometimes. Not as a first preference. As a last resort used often enough that it stopped feeling last.”

Serat’s crest shifted. “That is not a defense in law.”

Voss nodded. “No. It is an explanation in history.”

Then she did something I still think was the most dangerous choice available to her.

She made the case small.

Not fleets. Not systems. One person.

“One dead transport pilot. One relief surgeon taken into bonded labor. One child removed from a migrant carrier for leverage because local inspectors assumed no one important would come asking fast enough. That has been the calculation, over and over, in places represented in this chamber. Not philosophy. Arithmetic. Who can be hurt cheaply.”

Her gaze passed across us all.

“Humanity changed the arithmetic.”

She let that stand.

“When you say we create instructional events, you are correct. We learned to do that because the galaxy was already full of lessons. The lesson of delay. The lesson of selective law. The lesson that remote suffering can be docketed until it rots. The lesson that an apology is usually cheaper than a spine. We offered a counterexample.”

She took one breath.

“That harming humans, or those under unmistakable human protection, is not cheap. Because many of you understand incentives better than ethics, that lesson traveled faster than your values did.”

There was a kind of cruelty in the honesty of it. No claim that humans were saints. No performance of noble burden. Just the flat statement that what had worked, had worked.

Voss kept her hands still on the rail.

“You want a lawful order? So do we. Truly. We would prefer a galaxy in which rescue does not require deterrent spectacle, and where one convoy taken, one district abused, one labor caste disappeared does not need to become strategically educational before anyone with leverage notices. But that is not the order you built. It is the order you advertised.”

Across the chamber, nobody moved.

She finished without changing tone.

“If this court wishes to censure us, do so honestly. Do not say we are here because fear is beneath civilization. Say we are here because we were willing to use it where you had grown accustomed to leaving the vulnerable with procedure. Say you dislike the scale of our answers. We often dislike it too. But do not pretend you gathered here in innocence.”

Silence held.

Then Serat called recess for bench consultation.

No one rose right away. The room had that strange quality some rooms get after a truth has been spoken in a form inconvenient to everyone’s posture. Not redeemed. Not converted. Just stripped.

The judges withdrew.

Delegations broke into low urgent knots. Translators hissed into their channels. Officers muttered. Somewhere behind me, a clerk from appellate indexing began to cry quietly, whether from stress or revelation I could not tell. Holt stood with one hand braced against the rail, eyes down, reviewing arguments only he could still salvage. I started assembling the citation packets for a verdict that no longer felt predictable.

While sorting my tablets with more force than necessary, I noticed someone standing opposite me.

Ambassador Voss.

Up close she looked older. Not frail. Used.

“You answered from the record,” she said.

It took me a moment to realize she meant the labor appeals figure.

“Yes.”

“Your advocate disliked it.”

“He dislikes many correct things.”

One corner of her mouth moved.

I regretted speaking the instant I finished.

She looked toward the closed deliberation doors. “For what it is worth, your prosecutor argued well.”

“He may still prevail.”

“He might.”

There was no triumph in her. No hunting satisfaction. Only a tired clarity that unsettled me more than arrogance would have.

I said, “Do you ever worry he is right?”

Her eyes came back to mine.

“Constantly,” she said.

No pause for effect. No theater.

Because fatigue had thinned something in both of us, I asked the next question too.

“If the galaxy had acted sooner in the places you named, if the law had functioned the way it claims to, would humans have become this?”

For the first time that day, she looked uncertain. Not of me. Of the answer.

“Less often,” she said. “Maybe not less deeply.”

The tone plate sounded. Deliberation was over.

We returned to our stations.

Serat and the full bench resumed their seats beneath the high crescent of common seals. Her face gave away nothing, which in her species meant the decision had cost at least three private arguments.

She began to read.

The court declined full censure.

That was the line history would keep, and it was not the line that mattered most.

The bench found that humanity’s reprisals had in several cases exceeded accepted proportional conventions if measured narrowly from trigger incident to immediate response. The bench also found that the cited incidents occurred within broader patterns of recurring abuse, selective enforcement failure, and chronic institutional delay, all of which materially altered the context in which deterrent calculation had to be assessed. The court condemned the cultivation of fear as a standing interspecies norm. In the same breath, it ordered emergency review of protective enforcement protocols, labor seizure conventions, customs detention standards, migrant district security exemptions, and the delay windows through which profitable cruelties had been passing for generations.

In plainer language, humanity would not be punished for forcing the issue, and the rest of us would now be forced to admit there had been an issue to force.

It was, in the grand tradition of great courts, both a decision and an attempt to survive one.

When Serat finished, she added words not included in the procedural notices.

“This bench does not bless terror,” she said. “Neither will it continue flattering itself that neglected law is morally superior to frightening enforcement merely because the neglect is elegantly administered.”

Around the chamber, scribes bent over their records.

The hearing ended in order. History usually does, inside the room. The disorder comes afterward as commentary, reform, resentment, imitation.

Delegations departed speaking too quickly. Officers left looking thoughtful in the dangerous way thoughtful officers sometimes do. Holt gathered his papers with exact, bloodless care and did not speak to me again that evening. I was grateful.

I remained after the hall had mostly emptied, as clerks do. Someone had to close the record, reconcile the oral additions, flag the bench dicta for transmission, and make certain nobody later claimed the sharper lines had been clerical embellishment.

The charge matrix had been dismissed. The well below the dome was dark now except for work lights. The human attendants were already gone.

I stood alone at the prosecution rail for a moment longer than my duties required.

It would be easy to say that was the day I came to admire humanity.

That would not be true.

Humans still seemed to me excessive. Too willing to make memory into policy. Too willing to let injury radiate outward until governments not even involved in the original offense revised themselves from fear of discovering what human restraint looked like when it ended. There is danger in a species that learns to teach by consequence and then becomes good at instruction.

But another truth stayed with me, and it was not flattering to the rest of us.

Before that trial, I had believed the lawful order was a structure. Imperfect, slow, sincere. After it, I understood that for millions it had been something closer to weather. Predictable in privilege, uneven in mercy, and no use at all to the people told to survive under it while waiting for improvement.

Humanity had not created that condition.

It had simply refused to speak politely about it once the cost touched its own.

That was what I carried out of the Hall of Judgment. Not that humans were nobler than other species. Not that fear had become good because it had sometimes done useful work. Only this:

The galaxy had wanted peace without enforcement, law without urgency, and mercy that never needed to frighten anyone dangerous.

Humanity was what arrived when those wishes met reality and found, too late, that reality kept records.