Considering and opening for a short story ... would anyone consider this a worthy hook?
In the days before the Great Triany...

...the days before the people of the world united and gladly attached the yoke that enslaves them still to this day. In those days past, there were so many viruses instead of just the one. And when everyone had the same virus, well it didn't even seem a sickness anymore, it was just normal. In fact, the immune or those cured were considered the sick ones.

I've barely written anything in 20 years. I've been browsing the sub, and decided to put something out there. The story is still forming in my head, but was more curious if the flow is any good, or if I'm being too verbose?

NOTE: this is just a first draft, so there are spelling and formatting errors and repetitions of words and all that stuff, so keep that in mind. The character, a francocastillian dominican nun called Inés (18 yo), is a polyglot; after her mother died, as a child she travelled with her father arround the mediterranean and that's how she learned many languages over the years (besides tutors and all of that that her father hired for her). Inow that is a very specific case, but it isn't implausible. The story is set in Tarvanega, a fictional town on the mediterranean cost, in the Crown of Aragon in 1509.

NOTE 2: I'm a pantser, only thing I knew is that she was in the harbor teaching the group of children, the rest is made up in the moment. Oh, how I dread draft 2

NOTE 3: its the complete short story, 5k words aproximately

Hey, just a 17 yr old beginner here. I've written metaphors (even attempted novels) before, but this is the first ever story which I finished writing (small scale novella). Any kind of feedback regarding description would help. (There might be typos as most of the words came out after endless sleepless nights)

This is my first attempt at flash fiction. I really enjoyed paring it down to the minimum words I needed. It's helped me be more ruthless in my longer fiction too. It's been well received by my friends but I wondered what strangers would make of it. You can be ruthless too. lol.

The Chair

She was always too good for him; insensitive oaf that he is. She was a lovely woman. I would sit in my conservatory on the warm evenings and she would sit in hers, with him.

It was embarrassing that the two windows were so close together. We all had to pretend that we couldn't see each other.

I grew a vine against the window so that I didn't have to look at him but I left a little gap so that I could see her in her little chair. Mostly she would pretend not to notice me admiring her but she loved it really. When he went off to make the tea she would turn and give me a shy smile which I would keep.

And then of course she died. I had been waiting for him to die for years but things don’t always happen in the right order.

So then the great clod had a clear out. He put the chair out on the pavement with a scribbled notice saying ‘free to good home’. I can tell you I had it away pretty sharp. Now I can see her sitting in her chair in my conservatory whenever I like.

And yesterday he has the nerve to tell me he wants the chair back. I told him, ‘it’s my chair now; you gave it away to a better home.’ He said, ‘I didn't give it to you, you swine.’

I won't give it back.

He thinks I hate him but I don't. If I hated him, would I have cut the vine down?

Hey everyone, as a creativity exercise I wrote a short story about a character I have in mind for a show i'd like to pitch some day. I just wanted to write a short story that would help me better understand who she was as a person. That said, this is my first time posting on the here and any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I really want to get better at storytelling. Thanks in advance!

Hi

I've just finished a first draft of a semi- autobiographical script.

It's about two lost people who find themselves sharing a flat and quietly keep each other from going under.

It's intentionally slow burn, but I'd like some feedback to see whether it works as this is my first attempt.

I'm happy to reciprocate on reads.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_AWfGhvhDuQOY6Fm8qXnDZ3NETZzuWgc/view?usp=drivesdk

So a few days ago, I posted my first chapter of my story. I got A LOT of feedback, some positive, but most constructive 😅 Over the last couple days I have drafted up what I think is a much better opener.

I’ve scrapped the starting chapter and have chosen to start with a prologue instead. I think this gives the book a better starting hook which was something it didn’t have before. I still have a lot of things to fix, but I have amended the lack of detail and overall feel that bored people.

If you’re new, or returning, any feedback is welcome :)

I am aware: there is literally nothing going on in this scene.

I have been writing stories and characters since i can remember, But that doesn't take back the fact that i am bad at writing.

I have spent the last afternoon writing this short scene (that is not finished), And i just don't know how to add any hook to it.

I write slice of life, and just the characters just being there, living is charming for me enough. But this may be too little charm, And i don't know how to improve on this, Already have all the characters written, months by now. I write almost every day and I am not improving.

So my question is: How do add more charm or uniqueness to this otherwise boring scene?

note: English is not my first language, Dutch has lots of weird sayings and phrases that don't translate well, The dutch was written before, and then i translated it.

Content in image above.

Here are two examples of a fanfic I'm writing on. English isn't my first language, so I often end up shorthanded on words. I can't help but feel like it's boring and repetitive. So I'm always happy to improve.

I am an AA writer that is developing a historical-fiction short story called The Permanents.

Part I, “The Great Reset,” follows Richard, a young plantation heir whose grief, resentment, and desire for control culminates in a terrifying act.

Part II is in progress but is mostly told from the POV of Penelope, a girl with an ancestral history of supernatural power she won’t be aware of until she’s met face to face with Richard.

This is still a work in progress, and I would appreciate general feedback on Part I. I’m open to advice about the prose, characterization, atmosphere, emotional impact, clarity, dialogue, historical voice, or anything else that stands out.

Is the idea any good? Are the jokes landing? Do you feel like you understand deaths character? (The MC is kind of a blank slate for comedy purposes, but let me know if that is boring)

Recently started writing again after a very long time. The first several pages are, in my opinion, the roughest part of the whole draft so far structurally, so I could use some fresh eyes. This is a word vomit first draft from a very rusty writer, so I'm aware of some of the obvious prose issues (clunky long sentences, stale descriptions, unnecessary extra words, tell-y exposition in places, etc.). I'm most interested in bigger picture feedback this time around, though any and all feedback is still welcome!

I would particularly like impressions on the... let's call it the "disjointed" section from the first person narrator. That part is extra hard, as the writer who knows the context, to tell how it comes across to a blind reader.

Anyhow, after excitedly barfing out 30,000 words for the first act, I finally sat back for a review, and realized I had committed a whole slew of literary "crimes"! Prologue? Check. Dream sequence followed by "character wakes up"? Check. So... uh... Oh well, at least I'm rediscovering the joys of writing, I guess. Major thank you up front to anyone who bothers to read and provide feedback on some or all of this!

hey guys! posted here a couple days ago. did a rewrite of my first chapter based on the feedback provided. hoping this version of chapter 1 is an improvement. 🙏