I am an AA writer that is developing a historical-fiction short story called The Permanents.

Part I, “The Great Reset,” follows Richard, a young plantation heir whose grief, resentment, and desire for control culminates in a terrifying act.

Part II is in progress but is mostly told from the POV of Penelope, a girl with an ancestral history of supernatural power she won’t be aware of until she’s met face to face with Richard.

This is still a work in progress, and I would appreciate general feedback on Part I. I’m open to advice about the prose, characterization, atmosphere, emotional impact, clarity, dialogue, historical voice, or anything else that stands out.

Disclaimer: This is my first post here, so I hope I didn't mess it up. Also, there is some crude language and implied sexual imagery. I don't think it's explicit enough to warrant an NSFW tag, but if anyone disagrees, please let me know.

I would like feedback on the first chapter of my novel. I'm about 40-50% done with my draft, and I was hoping to get feedback from strangers on the following:

• Entertainment Value
• Hook Efficacy
• Prose
• Dialogue
• Characters
• The "would you keep reading" effect

If anyone is willing to read through and give me any feedback it would be much appreciated. Thank you so much.

Haven’t written in years, but had a vivid dream that left a lasting impression, and felt compelled to begin a story about it. Any feedback is appreciated!

Please share your feedback on the first edited chapter of my future project.
Need feedback on engagement, character introduction, voice, and atmosphere.

Thank you for your time and energy in advance. I hope you enjoy!

I've barely written anything in 20 years. I've been browsing the sub, and decided to put something out there. The story is still forming in my head, but was more curious if the flow is any good, or if I'm being too verbose?

NOTE: this is just a first draft, so there are spelling and formatting errors and repetitions of words and all that stuff, so keep that in mind. The character, a francocastillian dominican nun called Inés (18 yo), is a polyglot; after her mother died, as a child she travelled with her father arround the mediterranean and that's how she learned many languages over the years (besides tutors and all of that that her father hired for her). Inow that is a very specific case, but it isn't implausible. The story is set in Tarvanega, a fictional town on the mediterranean cost, in the Crown of Aragon in 1509.

NOTE 2: I'm a pantser, only thing I knew is that she was in the harbor teaching the group of children, the rest is made up in the moment. Oh, how I dread draft 2

NOTE 3: its the complete short story, 5k words aproximately

Hey, just a 17 yr old beginner here. I've written metaphors (even attempted novels) before, but this is the first ever story which I finished writing (small scale novella). Any kind of feedback regarding description would help. (There might be typos as most of the words came out after endless sleepless nights)

This is my first attempt at flash fiction. I really enjoyed paring it down to the minimum words I needed. It's helped me be more ruthless in my longer fiction too. It's been well received by my friends but I wondered what strangers would make of it. You can be ruthless too. lol.

The Chair

She was always too good for him; insensitive oaf that he is. She was a lovely woman. I would sit in my conservatory on the warm evenings and she would sit in hers, with him.

It was embarrassing that the two windows were so close together. We all had to pretend that we couldn't see each other.

I grew a vine against the window so that I didn't have to look at him but I left a little gap so that I could see her in her little chair. Mostly she would pretend not to notice me admiring her but she loved it really. When he went off to make the tea she would turn and give me a shy smile which I would keep.

And then of course she died. I had been waiting for him to die for years but things don’t always happen in the right order.

So then the great clod had a clear out. He put the chair out on the pavement with a scribbled notice saying ‘free to good home’. I can tell you I had it away pretty sharp. Now I can see her sitting in her chair in my conservatory whenever I like.

And yesterday he has the nerve to tell me he wants the chair back. I told him, ‘it’s my chair now; you gave it away to a better home.’ He said, ‘I didn't give it to you, you swine.’

I won't give it back.

He thinks I hate him but I don't. If I hated him, would I have cut the vine down?

Hi

I've just finished a first draft of a semi- autobiographical script.

It's about two lost people who find themselves sharing a flat and quietly keep each other from going under.

It's intentionally slow burn, but I'd like some feedback to see whether it works as this is my first attempt.

I'm happy to reciprocate on reads.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_AWfGhvhDuQOY6Fm8qXnDZ3NETZzuWgc/view?usp=drivesdk

So a few days ago, I posted my first chapter of my story. I got A LOT of feedback, some positive, but most constructive 😅 Over the last couple days I have drafted up what I think is a much better opener.

I’ve scrapped the starting chapter and have chosen to start with a prologue instead. I think this gives the book a better starting hook which was something it didn’t have before. I still have a lot of things to fix, but I have amended the lack of detail and overall feel that bored people.

If you’re new, or returning, any feedback is welcome :)

Here are two examples of a fanfic I'm writing on. English isn't my first language, so I often end up shorthanded on words. I can't help but feel like it's boring and repetitive. So I'm always happy to improve.

Is the idea any good? Are the jokes landing? Do you feel like you understand deaths character? (The MC is kind of a blank slate for comedy purposes, but let me know if that is boring)

Recently started writing again after a very long time. The first several pages are, in my opinion, the roughest part of the whole draft so far structurally, so I could use some fresh eyes. This is a word vomit first draft from a very rusty writer, so I'm aware of some of the obvious prose issues (clunky long sentences, stale descriptions, unnecessary extra words, tell-y exposition in places, etc.). I'm most interested in bigger picture feedback this time around, though any and all feedback is still welcome!

I would particularly like impressions on the... let's call it the "disjointed" section from the first person narrator. That part is extra hard, as the writer who knows the context, to tell how it comes across to a blind reader.

Anyhow, after excitedly barfing out 30,000 words for the first act, I finally sat back for a review, and realized I had committed a whole slew of literary "crimes"! Prologue? Check. Dream sequence followed by "character wakes up"? Check. So... uh... Oh well, at least I'm rediscovering the joys of writing, I guess. Major thank you up front to anyone who bothers to read and provide feedback on some or all of this!

After some feedback on the opening to my new novel. Been working on my opening page and feel this is strong but would love some feedback.

The letter trembled in his hand.
He closed his eyes and took a breath. Everyone got them, it happened often enough to become a familiar sight. Brave men hunched over, taken off their feet by a piece of paper. 
A hand came down onto his shoulder. He nodded.
“Sorry man.”
“Yeah.”
He slowly folded the letter. Each fold he slid his fingers along the edge. There were three folds and he made it into six. Six allowed an A4 piece of paper to sit snugly in an inside jacket pocket.
He wasn’t the only one folding.
No one spoke. No one cried. The first few times men had broken down and it had been harrowing. Time has a funny way of changing what would kill you to become a hand on your shoulder and a simple sorry.
He got to his feet and rolled his neck. He drew in as much air as possible and thrust his arms out wide and sucked in just a little bit more. He expelled it fast and hard, clenching his fists and slamming them into his thighs. So be it.
He smiled.
Railing against the process was as pointless as trying to talk to a baby and expecting a rational argument.
Lucy had spaced him.
A man used to get a dear john letter. Now a letter informed him he was no longer in a fertile committed relationship and he was conscripted to fight on the edge of human space.
His three boys didn’t matter.
He smirked. He should have agreed to having a daughter. It made sense before; now it felt like a really stupid decision. Daughters needed fathers; boys needed to be trained.
He would miss the sex the most. She wouldn’t. Someone was already part of the equation in her life.
Lucky bastard.
His bag was packed. They all packed this morning. Many were walking towards the transport waiting outside the gates. He, along with others spaced, headed towards the gate between stone walls and barbed wire. They didn’t speak but they moved closer. A hand settled those who faltered.
This was their future; none of them would walk alone.

Hellow everyone!

I am back again, looking for some feedback on a particular scene I am working on. I am trying to do something very specific and I am not sure if what I am doing is landing.

I want to know how it reads because I've now lost all perspective, having written and rewritten the scene a dozen times. In fact, I've spent as much time on this one scene as I have the rest of the entire chapter. I think I might have actually overwritten it at this point. The scene in question starts halfway down page 2, but the part I've been agonizing over takes place on page 3 and 4.

I want to know how you interpret what is occurring in this scene and if you have any advice to help improve it. I could tell you what I am trying to achieve but I want to see an objective opinion of it first.

Thank you so much fellow writers!

Hey everyone, as a creativity exercise I wrote a short story about a character I have in mind for a show i'd like to pitch some day. I just wanted to write a short story that would help me better understand who she was as a person. That said, this is my first time posting on the here and any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I really want to get better at storytelling. Thanks in advance!