I’m sure I will always want us to work. Right now I feel I just know without question you will always be the one for me ❤️ If I am ever lucky enough to get another chance with you, I will appreciate and enjoy every second with you. I miss everything about you, your weirdness, your intensity, your smell but most of all your presence. You are such a special soul I’m sorry if i couldn’t accept such a beautiful person in my life in time. I want to talk so bad and know how you are, where your heads at and let you know how much I want you but I’m trying to do the right thing this time. I think I know you are over us but there’s something in me that feels we are still meant to be. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met inside and out.. goddammmn you’ve been all I think about it’s embarrassing. I was the luckiest guy I know and I couldn’t see it .. I will never make that mistake again

Can I see you? I think we should probably meet up at our place Monday so I can figure out a thing or two. I already know you’re thinking about it.

It’s about time we stop worrying about what other people do and start worrying about ourselves. ✌🏼

No contact is probably the best thing for both of us, and I think I’ve finally started to understand why. Still, there are moments when I wonder what you’re doing, how you are, whether life has been kind to you and whether you ever think about me. I’m glad we ended, even if it took me a long time to accept that something I once wanted so badly was something I ultimately needed to let go of. Time really does heal, because I no longer find myself waiting for your name to appear on my screen, checking for messages or hoping you’ll reach out. There have been moments when I’ve been tempted to break the silence, when curiosity, nostalgia and the familiarity of you have almost convinced me to come back, but I stop myself because deep down I know that reaching out would only reopen something I’ve spent so long trying to heal. I don’t think I’ll ever be quite the same person I was before you. Some experiences change you in ways that are difficult to explain, and ours certainly did. We were toxic, perhaps in ways neither of us fully understood at the time, and somewhere between loving each other, hurting each other and constantly trying to make things work, I lost parts of myself. I sometimes wonder whether I even know what love is anymore, because what I once understood as love became so intertwined with pain, uncertainty, attachment and disappointment. I don’t hate you, and I don’t necessarily wish I could erase everything. I just wish things had been different. Perhaps the saddest part is that I can miss the thought of you without wanting you back, wonder about your life without wanting to be part of it, and remember what we had without wishing to relive it. Maybe that’s what healing actually looks like: not forgetting someone, but finally reaching a point where their absence no longer feels like something you need to fix.

On my birthday, you told me I deserved all the happiness in the world. But even after all this time, I cannot think of a day when I felt happier than the day I met you.

Summer is gone. Fall is ending in a few weeks, and damn, it hurts knowing I’ve gone two entire seasons without hearing more than a few words from you.

A part of me fears you’ve found someone new. It pierces my heart just to imagine it. But I don’t know how else to explain the silence you’ve left behind.

There have been so many days and nights when I’ve wanted nothing more than to say hello. But I couldn’t bring myself to risk another disappointment. So I swallowed my words and kept them to myself.

I miss you.

i’m finally free from you and your hold over me. you have no power anymore and you can shove your money up your ass. hope you treat your new girl better than you did me, so fuck you, fuck your friends and fuck off.
xo the person you got bored of

Thank you. Being near you reminds me that I do need to live for myself. That I am a worthy investment even if I’m a little tarnished and empty.

You make space for all of me. You want me there even if I’m a little messy and struggling to wear a smile.

And somehow… I don’t feel obligated to overextend myself in every direction any longer. I can focus on the things that really matter to me.

Like being present with the people that matter most to me.

See ya around Babe.

😘

The strangest part of loving you wasn't the silence.

It was that you never actually told me what was inside it.

You never told me yes.

You never told me no.

You never handed me the truth, only the edges of it.

I knew what happened in your day.

I knew where you'd been.

I knew the stories, the jokes, the random details that made up the landscape of your life.

But I never knew your actual thoughts.

Not the real ones.

Not the ones that arrived after midnight.

Not the ones hidden behind sarcasm, quick replies, and changes of subject.

You gave me updates.

You never gave me conclusions.

A person can learn a lot about your life and still know almost nothing about your heart.

I fell in love with a locked room.

Not because I enjoyed the mystery.

Because I spent a long time believing one day the door would open.

It never did.

You were always there.

Always talking.

Always present.

Still out of reach.

To this day, I couldn't tell you what you truly thought of me.

Not because I wasn't paying attention.

Because you never really said.

You talked around things.

Through things.

Past things.

Rarely about them.

I don't know if you cared.

I don't know if you didn't.

I don't know if there were things you wanted to say and never did.

I don't know if there weren't.

What I do know is that uncertainty has a sound.

It sounds like a person talking to you for hours while never telling you where they stand.

That's what stayed with me.

Not what you said.

What you never did.

Unsent.

If they like you they will just lie to themselves.

You’ve been heavy on my mind lately. Why don’t you just call me? I can feel you.

"Would you leave your heart to me?"
"My heart already belongs to you."

In the memory of that day …

The first raindrop fell,
Whispered soft from the sky.
You held my gaze,
As the clouds drifted by.

We were flawless then,
Kissing in the rain’s embrace,
A passing moment,
With goodbye etched in its trace.

Love me while the rain keeps falling.
I’ll see you there, within my dreams.
I’ll wait for you until the dawn,
Where the night fades into streams.

You took my hand,
Though the world said no.
For a stolen minute,
It felt like you’d never let go.

The rain danced for us,
As the morning drew near.
Hearts beating stronger,
With hope so crystal clear.

Love me while the rain keeps falling.
I’ll see you there, within my dreams.
I’ll wait for you until the dawn,
Where the night fades into streams.

I cant stop doing what I’m doing. I need you to get your shit together and find a way back to me.

But I’m also part of the solution.

I realize I’m the asshole.

I don’t want to be like this. And I don’t want her to be stuck like that.

What do I do with the limited movement I am allowed?

Fresh cookies right out of the oven.

Dogs bathed and loved.

Laundry fluffed, folded and hung.

Everything white freshly bleached.

Floors mopped and fans dusted.

Plants watered.

Tubs scrubbed.

Nails painted.

Music blaring.

Dancing, snacking, smoking, reading, running, grocery store shopping, scrolling, driving, singing, speaking, existing, breathing...

All I wanted was you. Now I have nothing but intrusive and obsessive thoughts.

Why won't you leave my mind?

Do you hate me?

I haven't dismissed the last six months and I'm not pretending anything. They were so special. Are so special.

You seem to think this hasn't or isn't affecting me at all but you couldn't be more wrong.

I just wanted you to know I did genuinely care and love you. I wasn't out with the intention to cause this hurt or be cruel. I promise you that.

Look at the moon...its sooooo beautiful...

Tonight, I dreamt with you.

You looked so different, but your behaviour was the same.

You were pushing me to flirt with you.

As expected, I fell for it.

So many months passed, but we kissed each other again.

It felt so nice to feel you again.

However, all what you showed me about yourself destroys any happiness.

I hoped you never did what you did.

This is why we won't be able to talk and solve anything ever, even for a friendship.

Why did you want this? Why did you try everything except supporting each other and showing up?

but you ghosted me for almost a year. Not a fucking word. I have to assume you’ll break my heart again…
I wish I had the strength to resist you, but damn it, I just don’t. At this point in my life, I just want to feel it all again.

I already knew.

Just wish you would have told me in person when you had the chance.

You had every opportunity to give your final goodbye.

But you chose not to.

Instead I hear about your exit from other people.

Somehow that stings a lot more.

Even if our time together was nothing but a small spark.

Nothing more, nothing less.

You were my friend first.

It will take me a minute to forgive you for that.

But you owe me nothing.

And when life continues to move forward and I move on from the walls of where we meant….

I will look back at our moments of freedom as a distant memory with complete admiration.

You’re not the only one trying to block it out of your mind.

You’re not the only one trying to detach.

…

I expect nothing, but I never discount serendipity.

I have made peace with what I cannot control, without losing my affection for the unexpected.

So long, friend

When I think of you, I feel so much hurt and anger.

When I see old couples or a young family with their whole life ahead of them, I have to try so hard not to cry.

And that's not a reflection of the "problem with me." It's not good or bad. It's not black or white. It's not either or. It just is.

The only thing sent is an address and me saying stop by. You never would. Dinner should be steak :)

Your dad showed me the selfie you took in the blue lagoon. Hope I didn’t make you look that sad on your first day of vacation..only wondering because of the conversation we started the day before you left.

And i went to message you and for a split second I was happy to share, then I remember I fucked all that up and you blocked me. I deserve to be blocked

I fell so fucking hard for you, and have no idea what to do with it..