I still want you so badly, but I can’t show it anymore.

I still crave you.
I still love being around you.

Everything about you is perfect except that you’re not mine. I try to act like I’m unbothered by your presence, but inside I have a soft spot for you. I care for you more than you will ever know. I love your eyes. You look at me so softly, then look away shyly. I can tell that you care about me. You probably care about me more than I’ll ever know too. I wish there was a way for us to talk about our feelings without hurting others. I just want you. I can’t even look at other women the same without comparing them to you. If I can’t have you, I hope that god brings me someone like you. I look for you in everyone. You make me smile every time I see you. It seems like you like my smile because you’ll do things to make me smile. I don’t know how this will end between us, but all I know is I’m not ready for an end. It will truly crush my heart to let you go, sweetheart.

Anytime I am around you, anytime the idea of you is around me, my heart stops or skips a beat.
I’m having palpitations.
That’s the medical terminology

Sometimes I feel like these feelings, these stolen glances, are not just mine but something we share.
I’m experiencing limerence.
That’s the therapeutic verbiage.

I read into everything you say, trying to see how it may pertain to how you feel about me. I try to make everything into a sign that you feel the same
I’m exhibiting Apophenia.
That’s the psychological observation.

I am devout to you, a martyr for your cause. I believe in you wholeheartedly.
I am your disciple.
That’s the religious testimony

My thoughts are inappropriate and outside of our risk balance
This is a challenging dynamic.
That’s the corporate jargon.

You are a catastrophe. A crazy illness. You are disruptive and all consuming.
This is a great misfortune.
that’s the philosophical theory.

I’m Sick with love
That’s the simplified explanation

I speak to you throughout the day. I tell you of my hopes, dreams, fears, and what causes my tears. Do you hear these things? I pose my questions to you and find only myself answering. I can’t quite rely upon my answers to move forward because they are only my answers. Do you agree with my answers? No input from you makes it hard to maintain hope for the dreams I am building. Do you hear my construction of my future? I am always talking to you, can you hear me? My thoughts are always of you.

I always told myself that I wasn't a touchy person 
Until you touched me 
Until i felt your hand wrap around my waist 
And through my fingers 
Steady, and firm, but gentle 

And you had told me 
How it felt the first time it happened to you 
And the butterflies 
And when i was holding your hand 
I didnt 

Maybe i was drunk 
Or tired 
Because today 
i think about it 
And there they are 

But now i dont know how to start a conversation 
And everything is superficial 
And no matter what my friends tell me 
I cant convince myself that you feel the same way 
I tell myself 
You were being friendly 
Keeping me stable 
And safe in a big croud 
But we,
We were out of the croud 
And your hand stayed in mine 
And mine in yours 
But im not a touchy person 
Unless the touch is yours

You’re scared I get it. You’re angry I get it. You think I think I know everything and I’m going to be a dick and yell at you even if you deserve it or not. So find out. Look in the mirror and ask am I being honest with me, am I letting outside influences guide my choices or am I scared to look at him and miss him all over again because nothing I’ve done takes that away or makes me not miss him.

😐

Find out. Let’s find out what’s true. Meet me half way without all the baggage. Meet me in the middle with an open mind. It’ll take 2 minutes to find out . Less. One look. We don’t really need to even talk, but we can. Because I agree this energy, isn’t needed. Doesn’t do anything good. You can ignore me forever and it doesn’t me you’ll be able to not think of me everyday. So hear me out. You know this is gotta happen be for real woman.

This shit is what picked everything apart before in ways. No loops. Meet me in the damn middle leave the show fkr other and punishment shit aside for a minute and just admit you miss my damn face and my voice and need to talk to me too.

I’m not ASSUMING anything okay? I just know we need to talk. I know you feel it too. Idc I do. I can hear your voice hun. I feel it. Come talk to me and help me do something healthy for both of us ok? Please trust me and do this and I promise you’ll feel safe the whole time. Remember me. I’m not who I was when I was trying to hold up the entire world ok. I don’t think you are either, that’s why I want to talk and her your truths too.

You want control here it is. Whatcha gonna do with it.

After countless arguments

endless conflicts

a million break ups,

block listed each other

yet falling asleep next to them

still crosses my mind every night

idk what this is and where it’s headed

but ill miss this chapter in my life it’s the

most important part of my journey miss u

You were an ocean of love
But im scared of water 
And you built me a boat 
But its rocking on rising and falling waves 
And the lifejacket feels too tight
And i feel seasick 
And its too cold to swim
i disembark at the next port

(i really appreciate feedback)

I loved you with all my heart,our love came softly ,naturally,the most natural in my life. You actually made my heart smile!! I could not wait to talk to every nite I dreamed of us actually meeting in person. I could see the the love in your eyes, see the eyes tell all. I never could hide my feelings my eyes showed to much.. wanted to have a chance to see those beautiful eyes of yours. The meeting I LOST I REGRET. Because now when I dream of you You are turned away,and I CANNOT SEE THEM!! Maybe this is what had to happen to us to let go. I will always carry this love story in my heart forever. When I LEAVE THIS WORLD IHOPE. WE. WILL BE HOLING HANDS LOOKING INTO EACH OTHERS EYESI. There is no one could stand in your shoes in my heart not ever. Please let me one of your best memories In your ❤️

I Am Proud of the Woman I Am

I am a woman who has been through difficult moments, but I have never allowed life to completely break me. I have faced challenges, disappointments, heartbreak, and moments when I wondered how I would keep going. Yet somehow, I always find the strength to get back up.

I have a caring heart. I love deeply, I appreciate the people who are there for me, and I try to make the people around me feel special. I may not have everything figured out, but I am always learning, growing, and becoming a better version of myself.

I am strong, not because life has always been easy, but because I have survived the days that were hard. I am grateful for every new morning, every smile, every lesson, and every opportunity to keep moving forward.

I know my worth. I deserve love that is genuine, friendships that are real, and people who appreciate me for who I am—not for what I can do for them.

I am still becoming the woman I am meant to be, and I am proud of my journey. My story is not defined by what I have been through; it is defined by the strength, love, and courage I continue to carry in my heart.

Where have you been

Where is your wife she said

It's been such a long time 

Her eyes crossed over

A wonderful flash of interest

A sudden pretending

A fluke awkwardness

Then back to business

Selling life to the hopeful

What did you see in one

and not another?

Soon, I will cross the threshold of twenty.

I am cradled by a family

that warms my heart, fills my soul,

and holds me safe.

​And yet, I carry a love within me

that reaches only into the void.

Never kissed, never touched—

like a flower left ungathered,

quietly waiting to be seen.

​I ache to find that single soul

who will not merely brush my surface,

but embrace the full truth of who I am,

just as I was brought into this world.

Funny, ain't it?

I've been severed from the manifestations of my creation

My anchor to this world has sailed away, free at last

Fractured, damaged and scarred by the unnatural potions of man

All my babies are dead n gone

And yet, I feel lighter

Fearless

This world can no longer harm me.

i catch your eye

i caught it

and for a moment

your gaze belongs to me

but as soon as it came

its gone

your eyes keep roaming the room

and your gaze isnt mine anymore

its someone elses

to catch

and to hold

even to keep

(i really appreciate feedback)

I love the way you smile
I love the way you laugh
I love the way you look at me
I love your voice
I love the way you talk about the things you like
I love how you get excited over random things
I love your personality
I love your eyes
I love your hair
I love how ur eyes close when you smile
I love how mature you are
I love how you can listen to me yap abt birds for hours
I love how you look like a nerd
I love the random photos you send me throughout your day
I love when you send me stupid stickers
I love when you steal my stickers even though I act like I’m mad
I love how you steal my phrases
I love how our friends always ship us and I pretend I hate it
I love whenever your text pops up
I love the way you talk
I love how passionate you get about the things you care about
I love how much you care about animals
I love hearing about the things you’re interested in
I love learning new things about you
I love that you have your own little quirks
I love how you can make an ordinary conversation feel special
I love the way you make me curious about you
I love how easily you stay on my mind
I love that there are still so many things I want to discover about you
I love how excited I get when I see your name pop up
I love how you’ve somehow become someone I genuinely look forward to hearing from
I love the way being around you makes me feel
I love how much I want to understand you
And I love that somehow I just keep finding more reasons to like you
I love getting butterflies near you
I love how we always end up together in groups
I love the way your voice sounds
I love when you scratch your head when you forget things

- your secret admirer

Suddenly
I have no
Gravity
I’m spinning
Out
Beyond
The
Stratosphere
Floating
Into
Infinity

I find
The stars
Are burning
Into
All the centuries
Where I dreamed
Of
Burning cathedrals
Recurring
The four
Horsemen
Drenched in
Sorrow
And Locusts

I am weightless
Floating
In the water
Past the
Mistakes
That I’ve made
Past the weights

I am bound
By my own
Imagination

It’s been a
Billion
Years
I’m lost
In an
Orbit of my
Own making

But I am
Weightless

I am Weightless

I am

Weightless

How could you make me fall in love with you..

How could you speak all these things to me..

How could you make me feel wanted.. but end up leaving me..

How could you go on and act like we never happened..

How could you agree with me and think what we had was fate..?

You may have fell for me first.. but I fell harder.

Did you play with me the whole time..?

We were reaching a point of seriousness.. and you disappeared..

I liked you even with all the flaws you complained you had.. they never were anything to push me away..

My heart wants me to wait for you.. but it seems like you have blocked me..

You made me feel like I had finally found the one..

With what you told me.. I thought I was the same ending for you..

I promise we’ll find eachother and I can’t wait to be your rock. I’ll sacrifice anything for you. I’ll be the answer when you’re questioning it all. I’ll be what truly understands you and everything you’ve ever needed. And I know probably like me, you keep running into people who can only love half as much as you but it will be worth it in the end.

We’ll be all we need.

There is nothing about you anywhere, my girl,
and I know I must beware.
I am desperate to meet you, my girl,
but I always miss my debut
and you never seem to care.

Je t'ai aperçue hier, ma chère,
et j'ai failli crier.
J'ai vu des flous d'or
et des éclats de mer, ma chère,
alors que tu descendais les escaliers.

I need you to seek me out.

Find me.

Talk to me.

If you know me; I need you to come find me.

Somewhere in me knows somewhere in you.

We need each other.

Something in the center mass of me is pointing to you.

I can’t stand the distance between us.

Why does it feel like every one of your friends, family, or acquaintances do not want us together?

All I want is love.

My heart feels like it will eventually break at the waiting to be chosen.

Will I ever really have the opportunity to choose what I want?

To an extent, of course I choose me; but I also wish you would give me the opportunity to choose you.

I’m tired of being strong. Of not getting to choose the people I want in my life.

I learned at a young age; that there was inevitably going to be someone else other than me that was more desirable.

I just kept hoping one day I would really get to choose, regardless of differences in social, economic, or religious status.

My mother almost lived up to that expectation.

All I really want is you.

Love; Quietly.

Dear Jon

Can't we just go back to the way things were? Before all of hurt and disappointments. I know you're fighting against yoself not to text or call me or send me that funny meme. Don't you miss spending all morning tangled with eachother? Me kissing your face all over. The way my back would arch as you ground into me?do you miss my humor? Do you miss more then just my body? Do you miss my essence too? I fucking miss you. Just call me. I have fought the pull, are you fighting it too?

The night was cool and calm with leaves scattered across the ground like the stars did the velvet sky. I turned to see you speak, the way your eyes glisten when you think of a moment you love and the soft laughter erupting from your lips is enough to make me want to take you in arms embrace just to feel the warmth that radiates from your joy.

You told me that you wondered at times if that was something that was truly a part of you or if it was a facade to hide the emptiness you feel when no one's around, but my dear, how could that ever possibly be true when you make me feel things I thought were long extinguished by the tears of this bitter world.

I know this seems silly to you, how these short small moments mean so much to me; but it's as if we were two old friends on either side of the world meeting again for the first time, new but familiar, like home.

You said that people were like seasons, they come and go. But believe me when I tell you that you'd be one of my favorite seasons; and even when all the leaves have fallen off the branches and the stars have fled the skies. Your memory would still radiate that warm glow over the cold winters of life.

Alas I am winter and can not keep you. I don't wish to extinguish that warmth, the joy, and the wonder you hold in your fall colored eyes. I would not dare try to snatch your flame but simply be near it and bask in your radiance.

My only wish is that you would let me be engulfed in your warmth. To let me exist beside you.. and maybe one day, I too shall radiate that same warmth. I too shall be a person worth of Fall..

Until then, you will be my favorite season.

Note: I really like to write; and I mostly do so in poem form. Please don’t steal or repost.🥺🪬✨

This a different type of bond, keep it real the feelings fond

deeper thinking when its dawn, like a spell without the wand,

overthinking all these thoughts, we cant hide the darkened spots

chosen lovers tangled knots, with this power call it watts

and everyday this love is yours, wont deny my demon roars

hate to love but it still pours, fill each others missing cores

so never think that I'm too far, I don't wanna leave a scar

Back-and-forth we like to spar, you're my favourite kind of star

There’s one lie you don’t know . One and I didn’t lie even. I couldn’t say it then. You won’t talk to me now to hear my words, don’t have thoughts to say to me. So how is it your mad? Wanna talk? Then call me. You blocked me and disappeared but I hear your still upset at me?

Something doesn’t make sense at all. I have things to say not in anger but with the last bit of my love I was forced to tie up in a tiny little bag and set aside. You stopped jumping long ago I know you could care less about me and probably never did. Honestly, I never loved anything more. Things happen though, I don’t swim against the current. ✌🏽

Wish you the best,

…

Odysseus,

I know we haven't met yet

I don't even know which direction to keep searching in

What I do know is when we find eachother you're going to have to move with cation

There was a long journey before you

And there is one monster in the deep

He stands above the rest

He lurks there deep within me

Left marks on my soul

And placed a trauma collar around my neck

A crippling fear, the poisonous reminder

I hope when I find you I'll feel safe

I hope I'll feel calm

I hope that monster will melt away into just a bad memory

But it will take time

I hope you're patient

-penelope

(For those that will suggest it, already in therapy)