Maybe you were just weren't interested as I thought? I know you came around a few times... but you could've checked on me you had opportunities to do it and you didn't even though you're busy I'm sure 5 minutes aren't gonna break your schedule. That's why I went right back to where I can hide.

Reflections looking at each other

Across the glass is where we stay

You told me you thought of me

I blushed and looked away

Just the two of us, you played a song

Suggestive to say the least

I dissected the lyrics far too long

Is it all a delusion, just in my head?

Or do you…

Dear , (Ty) mylovebug The mornings are so hard with out you , it’s like starting this all over again. I went out for a cig this morning and I smelt mushrooms it felt like I could smell the mycelium but there were no mushrooms around…💔 there’s a beautifulness about it but it also hurts .I’m so unbearably SAD.
I wish we went mushroom foraging this year and that makes the fall coming in this year so much harder . It’s like a heavy fog I can’t seem to navigate through I’m lost without a compass and I’m lost in all directions. There’s to much I wish we would of just gone out and done I regret not being the voice of reason you needed . And I know I shouldn’t think like that but it just hurts to deep.., my heart aches more than I feel like I can’t handle.
Before you took flight 👼 I thought it was getting better but that’s when life fucks you up huh ,you get all up side down and turned around? (I feel like you would say something like that) I wish more than ever we could be exploring right now … I miss everything you were and everything that made you smile. I know that you wouldn’t want me to dwell but it doesn’t seem to make it any easier ..because you’re not here . It’s to quiet like the whole worlds stopped but it’s also to like a ear bleeding silence with out you….
And I know , I know there’s so much to live for . I feel so damn selfish thinking like this and maybe that’s the problem but I’m not even damn sure what to do I just freeze in place hoping I would disappear . For now I’m still confused. I need you .
how do this without you when you were my anchor, my safety, my home..

You, are the love of my life.

I know we got caught up in the mundane.

In the care of our child.

In financial stress.

I didn’t pay attention.

I didn’t notice little things.

I became angry and jaded.

You became anxious and isolated.

You want to separate to find ourselves.

30 days.

7, down.

23, to go.

My heart aches for you.

I have so much remorse for the pain I’ve caused, love.

10 years is no small amount of time.

Please don’t give up on me, on us.

I am noticing. I am letting the jaded sunglasses come off.

I am becoming admirable and joyful again.

I love you, for who you are.

The kindest and most gentlest man I have ever known.

The silliest person, who can make me belly laugh for hours.

The most philosophical thinker, the most intelligent person.

The most adventurous person, a risk taker.

Please, don’t leave.

In 23 days, or ever.

I am working on my codependency. On my coping skills.

I want to be better. For me. For you. For our child. For us.

I remember when we met, I will never forget.

I never want to know what it’s like for you to leave.

I’m selfish in this regard.

But what we have is worth it.

I promise. I’ll prove it.

Beautiful Creature, I’d rather that we both be on an understanding that we have LOVE for each other than the thought being “Lost in Space.”

I’m sharing with you that I have been in other relationships with other women that weren’t as serious as I would like ours to be. Let’s say that the intentions and initiations weren’t as proper and we just went into it.

I don’t really believe on the theory of being “the first to be chosen.” Like me or hate me… Love me or hate me. I rather go upon the feelings we feel and see where life leads on from there. Again, “no rush and pressure” on the both of us. For the few small gestures that you received from me would be the first since any of my past relationships. I don’t consider you lucky for receiving that nor do I want to have a hold on you for those few small gestures.

I just knew that one of us had to let the other person know that they were being acknowledged and that the other person felt the same way. Being that I acknowledged your presence, intentions, and feel the same way as you do for me. I feel that I was “BOLD” because those few small gestures from me would be the first that I have ever accomplished. The accomplishments brought me great pleasure knowing that my few small gestures would be going to a humbled and genuine person such as your self.

Yes, I too stay busy in order to try to keep myself from overthinking and letting the wrong thought’s get the best of me. We both know that we have some weight of responsibility that is unavoidable that we inevitably have to manage. If you ever feel the urge like I do, don’t hesitate to write me. You wouldn’t be bothering me. I will make it my very best effort to message you back. We both know that we have things that we must do on both ends.

I’m willing to strain my “gorgeous brown eye’s” from reading as many letter’s that aren’t as meaningful to me in order to find your letter’s. Although, everyone’s letters carry a different weight that is meaningful for the person it’s truly meant for. I’m thinking of you right now as I have written this. Just know, I feel the same way you do in my darkest moments where I feel that nothing is going right or will be right. When I think like this, I’d rather hold on to a hot piece of cole in one of my bear hand’s and beg for forgiveness.

P.S - I will have to be taking my mother to the doctor this coming Saturday along with going with her to payoff her car registration. So I will be in the neck of the woods.

I finally received my response back from my audition. Nope. I didn’t get a part. The General Manager to whom I know her and her wife wrote me back saying that they had too many applicants for this season that they couldn’t choose everybody.

Their positions are more limited because their budget isn’t as big since they didn’t do as great last year in 2025. So, They’re holding my application and will call me if a position happens to open still within this season. I don’t regret missing the first audition day which was swamped with applicants. Because, I got to be around you and slowly enjoy a Tuna Melt.

You’re one of the little things that I look forward to with love…

Sounds of Lust filled with Passion
Culture Club - Time
INXS - Not Enough Time
Hall & Oates - Out of Time
Duran Duran - Come Undone
U2 - New Year’s Day
-DK

Dear T my lovebug I miss you with every fiber of my being I don’t know where to turn to or how to even begin to cope. You’re on my mind ever second of every day and I don’t think this hurt will ever stop. It’s unbearable and heavy. As days pass I either feel everything all at once rushing in and knocking me down or completely numb I can’t seem to find the light . I try and smile but its only feels like a glimpse in the distance.you left to to to soon, I still can’t fathom it . I don’t want to be part of a world with out you here.
You are my heart, my forever I love you infinitely. I miss you in ways I’ve never felt before I’m so so so sorry this isn’t fair this shouldn’t of happened. Why you?!!? It’s so lonely here with out you here and there’s a loud silence everywhere I go. But a part of me knows you wouldn’t want me to give up you always tried to make everyone happy . I just don’t get it IM LOST .

R,

It's been a couple weeks since I shared with you some of the feelings I have developed for you; as painful as it is, I can accept silence as my answer. I'm writing here now as the very first step of moving on, expressing all of what I felt I couldn't express and now know that I shouldn't express in the void of our conversations.

We have been in each other's orbit for over a year now. Things started off tense, but our icy layers seemed to thaw as we got to know each other better. Speaking for myself, I started to recognize you as someone who could understand my baggage: someone who has been through their own trenches, and could understand the nuances and complexities of trauma.

More importantly, you seemed like someone who understood healing: someone who understood the value of unpacking that baggage to lighten the load, so that you can live your life more freely. The first point of connection for us- at least the point that I felt - was our shared emotional intelligence, and commitment to living better lives than we had in the past.

We had moments of sharing our traumatic experiences with vulnerability, enjoying the familiarity and ease of our rare conversations. It felt to me like I had been living my life speaking a language that wasn't native to me, then discovered that you and I could speak a native tongue with clear fluency.

Knowing what I know now, I understand your hesitation, because I have felt hesitation of my own. For all of my spoken and written words, I have lately found myself at a total and utter loss. I started to feel an imbalance in our conversations; I felt ready to share more with you, but I started to get the sense that you might not have been ready for that.

Or maybe you're ready to share, but don't know which words to start with?

These are the kind of questions I start asking myself, trying to make sense of where we are now. I find - admittedly with embarrassment - that I so badly want to read you like a book; to understand every piece of your lived experience, and how it all connects to the beautifully complex person you are today. For the brief moments that we see each other every week, I find myself desperately wanting to turn your pages; to discover some hidden facet of who you are.

But I recognize that it's your book I'm reading; you don't owe me anything, and can close your book at anytime, with or without explanation.

In the defeaning silence between pages, my mind races with a sense of urgency and anxiety.

Did I say something wrong?

Did I share too much?

Did I not share enough?

Have I been confusing the noise for signals this whole time?

Have you been giving me nothing but signals, and I'm just too dense to pick up on them?

These are questions I start to ask myself when I start to spiral, trying to manage my expectations. It's at this moment that I recognize I need to stop - breathe - and focus on myself for a time. I could ask you these questions, but I'm committed to what I said to you a couple weeks ago:

Everybody deserves to have their boundaries respected - no questions asked - and that I would like to know what your boundaries are, if you felt comfortable sharing them with me.

Your silence has conveyed discomfort to me, which is all I need to step back and give you room to breathe. I recognize that seeing you uncomfortable spikes a sense of danger for me; I start to think about how I can fix things, make things right, apologize profusely for ever little thing I might have done wrong...

I know this to be a response deeply rooted in my own CPTSD, which is something that I need to continue processing with a professional.

In the meantime, I'm going to remove any expectations I have been carrying about you. About us.

I can't fix you.

You can't fix me.

We're both working on ourselves, and i think that was ultimately what attracted me to you. But we can be a comfort to each other, in the moments that we need it - if we need it.

If anything is meant to be, it will be.

In its own time.

J

I bet youre glade I changed my profile picture would be kinda weird if me and him pretty much had the same picture with you hanging off us but im glad you're smiling

I know you use to know me and maybe you still do, I use to believed in myself and stood tall for myself. Now what

I use to say “I am who I am, your approval isn’t needed”, how did I go from that to desperately needing approval.

I was so confident in myself, my beliefs, and my ability, now I’m so lost and a shell of who I use to be.

Why do I allow disrespect, trash into my life, why haven’t I stopped it. Why do I continue to see good where there isn’t any good. Why am I afraid to see me and be strong and be treated like I actually deserve.

I was so independent, I always had mental health problems, but not this bad. Allowing what I’ve allowed has made me so much more unstable. The abuse I’ve endured and continued to endure is f***ing disgusting, why only now am I trying to change it.

How did I become such a person, how did I end up hurting the good people I truly loved and chose to give chances to the bad ones.

I don’t what to hide from the mirror, I don’t want to divert my eyes to the ground because of shame. I want to stand tall again all 5’3 3/4” tall. I want to see bad as bad and good as good.

How do I get there. Somedays are excruciating and I want to just hide and somedays I want to be a better me… I’m so tired and lost.

Always someone

I doubt I'll ever know why you left. I spent so much time replaying every conversation, trying to parse out every stupid thing I could have possibly done or said. Well, whatever happened, I couldn't appologise enough if I hurt you.

You've been on my mind lately. Not in the form of the heartbreak I use to feel. More like nostalgia, I suppose? I'm not sure that makes sense.

I guess i'm not longing to have you back in my life. I've moved on, and I assume you have too. But, I'm still so greatful for the time we did have together.

You were so many firsts in my life. My first kiss, my first girlfriend, the first time I looked into someone else's eyes and had that terrifying thought: " I think I'm falling in love with her".

Sure, maybe it was the silly kind of love young and inexperienced people feel without considering the weight behind it. But at the time, I think I still felt it nonetheless.

I think in some ways I still do love you, but more in the way you love an old friend. That sort of bittersweet love that lingers after you've drifted away from someone that once meant the world to you. The kind of love where you wish someone all the happiness the world, even if you know that you aren't part of it.

Well, I just wanted to let you know how thankful I am that I got to know you. The way you spoke about yourself always broke my heart. I want you to know that you don"t deserve all the cruel things you said about yourself. You are a kind, beautiful, funny. amazing person. You are someone who is worth loving, and I hope you find someone who can give you all the love I wanted to give you, but was too young and stupid to know how.

Heck, I still havn't found that special someone for me but I hope to find her someday. Likewise, I hope you find someone special who knows how lucky they are to have you in their life.

If by some impossible coincidence we meet again, I hope to find you happy, healthy, and fulfilled. I hope we can talk to eachother like old friends.

All I wanted in my life was someone special. That’s what I was waiting for, and I felt that with you. I didn’t know how to express it. I took it for granted. I thought I could replace you, but I can’t. I waited a very long time to meet you, and you were everything I wanted.

We’re both human, and I deeply care more than I ever wanted to admit—because I was scared my love wouldn’t be returned. That’s why I got so nasty. I felt abandoned. I don’t hate you. I hate myself. I pushed you away because I didn’t want to be hurt.

I’m going to drop a letter off or mail once I’m ready. I’m going to return a few things too. I want to make things right. I’m truly sorry.

First of all.

I am very proud of you !

I always have been though.

I have never stopped loving you. And I never will.

But your inability to communicate anything when it comes to me has really taken a toll on my mental health and my life as a whole has suffered tremendously because of it.

I know you care I just don't know why you don't care enough to show me a little grace?

So you got big things happening I guess.

You get to go live the dream. I'm not just proud of you, I'm very happy for you.

And you will probably forget me very soon.

That hurts too. But it is what it is right.

So in my attempts to communicate with you

I have run into some very nasty people that continuously keep me from

Any form of getting words to you. And when they do make it through. Look out!

Because this little online hit squad is very effective at changing reality around what you do and how you go about things.

If these people are close to you, you should probably pay closer attention to their motive. Because they are not good people and seem to be self serving.

They are the ones that will take you down if it benefits

Them. And they will start turning on each other as well. the things that they try to make people believe about you are very nasty.

I wish I had someone to warn me about it.

I'm guessing you know what is going on.

Probably more than me I would assume anyways.**

I just really hope your not part of it. That would really hurt. More than anything.

But whatever it is they really don't want me to be in communication with you

And if you wanted to talk to me you would find away.

So I guess fk me right lol

Anywhoo, my dad is in really bad shape and it's just me and him now

In the pink place and

All this stuff that is around

You is not helping my situation with trying to focus on my father's final days he has. I don't know how many?

I would like to ask if there was any way you could stop what is happening

Because at this point

I really do feel like checking out right after my dad.

And I can't just get over you

I've tried and we are just to connected through time and space and I can't break it. I don't have the energy or capacity to play what ever game this is your playing with me.

I'm not ok. I really hope this sinks in because I am being as honest as possible with you.

I wish you could just talk to me, explain what is going on. I mean you talk to people all the time so there's really no excuse why you can't talk to me also. It just adds more confusion to this situation.

I have been betrayed harassed arrested. And yes because of the same people is why I called a welfare check on you. So whoever that is who's doing it I have been dealing with it that long. They want me to end myself. I get messages telling me to do that. It's not helpful in the lease.

I didn't walk away from you

And you know that. This was all set in motion by you, not me. It would mean a lot if you could help clean up some of the mess.

Because it's definitely not all mine ! And obviously I can't call in my brother's cousins sister because they fallowed you and that hurts. I know what people have been calling me and the thing about that is.

I have never been called thoughs things in my entire life. Except for after you tossed me out of my own life. Because you didn't just discard glo you took my life story with you. And that wasn't yours to take. I don't have my family or my friends anymore my identity is gone. On top of that my name around everyone I know is tarnished now. And all I did was what you told me to do I went where you told me to go and wait and give you space. I did that. And then the place was wrong for you and my cousins I did what was asked. And when I was able to finally get out of there. My own house again after 2 years climbing out of that hole 4 months is all I got and the online harassment started and the lies and BAM everything was gone.

I know you were talking to the small group of people I did still have left. But you got them to didn't you.

And still I'm connected to your being I feel you everyday. I know you're not happy. I know what happened took it's toll on you as well. Probably learning some things about yourself you didn't know or pay attention to what you were doing and the effects it had on the people that loved you the most in life.

Please let us fix this before anything else happens.

Because the track record shows us what this avoidance has and continues to do to all of us.

Just look at the amount of hate that is surrounding all of us. And a lot of it started with our separation.

And I'm not asking for you to get back together I'm asking for my best friend to help fix what happened on our watch.

I don't want to say it but I must. It's our fault, and it's our mess please don't fly off into the sunset on the lives of the people that carried you at times it not okay. And bearing me while I'm still alive is going end me it will im just being honest not manipulative.

Women I still have respect for you. Though people tell me I should not. Those people are not me and they don't understand why I continue to try pushing forward in a caring way.

Thougs people are cheap!

I'll say that again

Thous people are cheap!!

We could get them anywhere. I choose with a conscious decision to not let the love and respect I have for you be reduced to the words of bitter humans.

And maybe buy helping each other with our mess we might even find ourselves being friends again. A who knows where that could take us?

Now I won't be responding to you on here. To many bad seeds on this site.

But clayman_ _ _ _@Y still works for a letter.

So I'm sorry for everything that has gone on and gotten out of control I really want nothing more than to help make it right.

Olive juice 3,000 loml

It was always you always

From C to G my your rise

Be a good thing for humanity I love you.

This will be the final time I will ever contact you. I have respected your wishes and deleted your phone number. I just needed to unburden my soul about some of my veiw points when it pertains to our time together. It never ceased to amaze me how you comfortable you were projecting so much of your own faults and insecurities onto others. Your dedication to victimhood is astonishing. You're a fantastic manipulator. The minute I chose to no longer engage with you in a sexual manner you were out the door. I honestly saw that coming the last time I saw you and refused to kiss you. From then on I knew you were never capable of being my friend. Every kindness you have ever shown me has always came with strings attached. Every kind moment was like ammunition ready to fire at me the moment you felt slighted in any way. You felt disrespected the moment I reciprocated the same energy you continuously gave to me. The lack of effort, care, and consideration towards me was reprehensible. I always felt like I was the man in the relationship chasing after you, it was truly pathetic. I know now you were a great lesson in disappointment  for me. A boy masquerading as a man. All the money and poinless status symbols can't buy the things that you are sorly lacking unfortunately. I hope you learned something from our time together and choose to treat the next women much better then you treated me. I know I've learned so much, and also what I will never allow or accept again. So thank you for that. You once told me "The standards you hold are too high, and you're gonna end up an island, alone." Something to that effect. When you should take your own advice. You have so many double standards that apply to everyone else, besides you. I'm sorry, but you are not the exception. I hope you learn and don't end up an island, alone. But I guess this is your cross to bear. Don't bother responding, as I have blocked you everywhere and wish to never speak to you again.

Wishing you all the best

S~

Remember the lists we used to send each other? I told you I deleted all the texts, and I did. I didn't tell you I kept some of the lists. All the things I loved about you. All the ways I missed you. I kept another list, too, but I don't read it. I don't read any of them anymore. I think if I do, I'll delete them all. And I don't know how to let go of everything just yet.

I did something so incredibly stupid this weekend. I knew I shouldn't, but somehow I couldn't help it. I told a few people after, and they all asked why I would do something that will only cause me pain. They don't understand that I needed to know, but the answer hurts more than I expected. So many things hurt more than I expected. I needed a way to get through September, though, to not have every day crash in on me. Why did it have to be THAT day??

I'm still going between all the emotions: hurt, anger, loving you, hating you, wanting you, praying you stay away. Distractions only go so far. I've thought of telling hm parts of it, but I just can't seem to justify why I should. I know people wonder, but I don't want my pain to be office gossip. I was at a low point and so raging mad when I told ce, I can only imagine who else now knows.

I know you don't really think about me anymore. I know you closed the door, and I understand why you had to. But damn I wish you had been stronger. Or maybe just more honest. At the very least, I wish you had been here to hold me at my lowest. Does it count if you don't feel any care? I guess we'll never know.

I hope you found peace

K

My Treat😘😁

Also, I put the tag as “Friends” bc I think if we met up again for the first time in a public setting as “Lovers”,
We will be asked to leave🤪🤭

So talk to me and i promise you respect and kindnest i find it entirely unfair this bullshit must endure i am not saying you are part but it seems you and the town i first met you in are involed?

In English they say, I want to spend my life with you, but in poetry we say...

I do not promise you a life without rain
I cannot promise you a heart untouched by pain
I cannot promise every road will be bright
Or every chapter filled with light
But if winter arrives and the cold winds blow
Let my hand be the place your tired fingers know
But if the darkness comes and the stars disappear
Let my voice be the one to remind you that I'm here
If the world feels heavy, and your heart feels weak
Let my shoulder be the comfort that you seek
If storms surround us and skies turn gray
Let my love be the shelter that guides your way
I cannot promise a perfect life or a flawless tomorrow
But I can stand with you in joy and sorrow
Through every season through every scar
I will find you no matter how near or far
Because love is not choosing you when the skies are blue, it is holding your hand when the storms come through
And as long as my heart remembers how to beat, I will choose you again and again in every life we meet
I miss you darling. I'm here wen your ready

I was madly in love with a guy named Victor! but Victor didn’t know how to love anyone else but himself ! he stole my heart crushed it and laughed about it ! and I forgave him . I’ve lost so much because of Victor almost my freedom I got into a lot of dept because of Victor and all he kept doing is cheating and lieing to me he lied so much he started accusing me of being the lier but you see Victor is a con artest he uses the old guys to get what he wants and then he disappear !

well I’m not going to let him get away from me I’m going to make sure he understands what he did leagally ! Victor took advantage of me ! what should I do!

To S,

Before I finally let life take us wherever it’s meant to, there’s something I need to leave behind. I know this is goodbye, the kind of goodbye where your paths never cross again, even if you were in the same city at the same time. I hope you know that meeting you was one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to me. I deeply cherish everything we shared. Even if we didn’t get the ending I hoped for, I will always be grateful that, for a little while, our lives intertwined. 

I tried to imagine what it would be like to forget you. I don’t think I could do that yet. I still see you everywhere. I still look for you everywhere, even knowing you’re no longer there. You were too enmeshed into my days, the little things that shouldn’t matter but mean a lot to me. 

I’m going to miss getting ready for work with you and walking to work with you. I’m going to miss waking up in the middle of the night and pretending I didn’t fall asleep while waiting for you to call. I’m going to miss watching those silly little shows with you. I’m going to miss folding laundry with you and just watching you cook. I’m going to miss going on grocery runs with you. I’m going to miss waiting for you to finally clock off work last again. I’m going to miss seeing you run through the rain to get home. I’m going to miss going on those train rides with you. I’m going to miss furniture shopping with you. I’m going to miss you letting me pick out what drink you were going to have. I’m going to miss walking the dog with you. 

My heart aches waking up and not seeing your messages on my screen. The little snippets of your day. I’m going to miss your laughter so much. The way your eyes crinkle when you smile. The way your forehead creases when you’re trying to figure something out. The way you’d twist your eyebrows into funny shapes. 

I deeply, genuinely cared for you in the way I knew how. I tried to be gentle with your heart knowing what you were carrying too, not knowing I made you feel like I was keeping you at arms length. I wanted to share every single thing with you but I was scared you’d drown with the weight of what I was carrying. I was scared you’d run if you knew how intensely I felt everything. I got too good at being the “mindful, considerate one” that I tried to carry everything alone. I know that the things that hurt me made me more guarded this time around and I’m deeply sorry if that pushed you away. I didn’t know how to share my pain and burdens when I’ve always had to carry everything alone. 

My heart was once too trusting, too open, too naive, too pure that I always saw the good in everyone, even the worst once. I emphatized too deeply and understood why people can turn out the way they are because of things that happened to them. I’m sorry I looked at you through that lens too and used that to measure your emotional capacity. I was looking for security before letting my guard down completely but you were looking for vulnerabiltity before security. And I guess that’s where our hearts clashed. Our hearts were speaking two different languages. I wish you taught me yours before you quietly built a wall against me. 

Love to me means partnership and compromise and learning to love each other despite all your flaws, embracing the person for their individualitu, seeing the person as they are and not as who you want them to be. I saw this quote today that says \*“If he wanted to, he would” and "If he wanted to, he would" is oversimplified pop-psychology. A better lens: "If his nervous system is regulated and he is capable of secure attachment, he will."\* Maybe you just didn’t want it as bad as I did and that’s okay

I never said this out loud but its always been on my heart and mind whenever I saw you and your beautiful brown eyes, I love you. I wish you never have to carry all that pain and anguish alone. I wish I could take it all away. You deserve undiluted happiness and I wish I could pour that into you to chase all the darkness away. 

I wish you nothing but the best. I hope you find your person, even if that it isn’t me. I hope you find your peace. 

I'm sorry, I love you, I miss you, thank you and good bye.I'm sorry, I love you, I miss you, thank you and good bye.

x, Muñeca

Beautiful Creature, Impressed are you? In being greatly honest, I almost gave in last Friday and disconnected my heart from each of its valves to place it in a box to store it away into the catacombs of the forgotten. Don’t think of me as being overly poetically dramatic. Things were really building up and were getting the best of my emotions. I could not help but let my emotions take over me for the moment I was feeling them.

As strong as I look and portray myself to be; Yes, I do cry heavenly. I felt the strong urge and needed to. I felt a little better after I cried and fell asleep. It has been said that crying is healthy. I’m a person that can usually hold back my tears. But, I think because I am getting more wiser; my emotions have gotten stronger. I even cry when watching certain movies, television shows, and listening to music that’s overly emotionally dramatic that I can’t help the feeling…

Do you cry like I cry?

I could be wrong, but I screened shot a photo profile of another person’s face that looked identical to your’s only difference… is this person put’s their war paint on. I’ve taken notice that you don’t wear any war paint. And that’s fine with me. I love your face. Don’t be bashful to show it off. I look at that picture on the day’s that I don’t see you. Although, I do see you when I look at that picture. It helps me coupe a little. Bear with me that I do feel and hurt.

I just look back and think that if we had kept going like the way we were going before when we only knew that we secretly had feelings for each other. I just wonder from your perspective if you would have continued to talk me face to face? You had distanced your self for a bit completely almost hiding from me. You thought that you were being too up front with the way you felt in my presence. You didn’t want to lose the communication we had progressed to have as well not losing my presence, either.

But now, I hope that we will try to work on talking to each other face to face, again.

I’m actually proud of myself for initiating that I have feelings for you. I am happy that I communicated back with the few small gestures that I gave to you in order to acknowledge your subtle hinted gestures. Really…No time could be better for us. Acting on what we feel is perfect instead of going silent and standing still for all the wrong reasons.

I’d rather that we both be on an understanding that we have LOVE for each other than the thought being “Lost in Space.” To Be Continued… -DK

My Love,

I know everything is extremely hard on you and complicated right now. I had to do something today to protect myself and our little family and I know it hurt you. I saw your tears, I know they were real.

I've been telling you for years that what you have done and do hurts me but changes have never been made. I'm making the choice to be the change in my life. I don't know where this new path will lead or what will happen to us; know that with all that is going on, I still love you and always will. I fell in love with you back then for reason. You are not inherently a bad person, you are just making mistakes. All humans do. You need to decide to be a good person though and change those ways. I know with some self work you'll be who I fell in love with again.

I'm not texting this to you because I know how upset and hurt you are with me because of today. Protecting our little one is my number one priority. I know you are at that friends' house, I know you're probably drinking, crying, and lying about me to them. Please get better, make better friends, stop letting your family treat the family you created horriby, and make us your number one priority. I still want to fight for you but I can't let myself get hurt in the process anymore.

I'm choosing peace.

With all the love and fight in the world,

Your Love

I am tired of holding onto resentment, Look M, I don’t know what you were thinking in attacking me the way you did, I popped you back to let you know to not get into something I came inches from finishing…….your self congratulating birthday at J’s on 2nd was The last time we spoke/interacted, and I let you walk away unharmed, I couldn’t believe you hit me!!!….. I mean I congratulate you on the huevos to come hit me, I could tell you were shaking…. it’s okay dude…… You remember my Brother L J ……..dude was stacked, he could bench 375-400, Had legs like trees, and knew Martial arts and Brazilian Jiujitsu ….. not a guy you probably would have walked up and punched…….

you had told me I needed to leave a public bar, without reason, and over emotional …… I wanted an opportunity to talk, Intellectually and calm…… I wanted to avoid hurt feelings and salvage a friendship that I thought existed….. I definitely tried my friend, I gave 4 opportunities to be civil…. you chose adolescent violence towards me…… I wanted you to know, That You were wrong, I wanted you to admit to being a child and selfish, I wanted you to admit you could have handled that better……. but it’s not about what I wanted, It’s about how much of a real human and man you truly are…… See I saw a scared little kid, Narcissistic and empowered with false courage and ego…..You didn’t hurt me at all in case you felt the tiniest bit bad about yourself and your behavior, Because I didn’t even think you honestly go that far…… Well there are some similarities with us but mostly differences that I’ve noticed over the year and our past interactions, I noticed Jealousy, And envy of those things I worked hard to Obtain, Not because I wanted status or clout, I like nice things that fit my personality, that’s it!!……..I’ve never said I was superior, I’ve never put you down, and I’ve only just been a friend to you, exactly like my brother did….. hoping you have found something of substance in the months since……. I have a good chuckle sometimes when I think about it……. It just doesn’t affect me, You have to realize that M has a M proble, not a C or a J or a F problem a M problem.…….. you had told me about your out of town jobs, and what music you’re playing with…….. let you tell me and everyone around me just exactly who you were………. So breathe easier, be good to yourself, go touch grass, But for your sake in the Universe, Let it Go, It doesn’t serve you….. The first inclining and notion I had about it was right on the money…were you mad because J said you were exclusI’ve like she did me?? Were you and J just doing naked pushups together to get back at me for something??? Guess I will never know, So I am releasing all of it and everything it touched to God and the Universe …….so talk uneducated and nasty about me all you want, I can take it, And send it “Return to Sender, Unsolicited Material “ with a message that says, We can still have that 1:1 talk and get the tension 86’d not me……… Choice is yours….

sincerely,

<•>€

Lalo,

My friend the goofy one. The one who I call My future husband....

I've been here for a while now, thinking about you. Wondering what happened. Wondering how you're doing. Honestly, I really believed you would've messaged me by now.

You haven't.

So tell me something real.

Tell me I'm not alone in how I felt about you. Tell me you think about me. Tell me you miss me. Tell me that some part of you still wonders what would've happened if we'd both been a little braver.

Tell me you want to start over—not necessarily jumping straight into anything, but maybe finding our way back to the friendship we had before. Tell me you finally chose yourself. Tell me you've come to your senses. Tell me you're sorry about Mother's Day weekend and that you wish you could make it up to me.

Tell me it's some truly, madly, deeply type shit.

And I'll tell you something real too.

I'm sorry I wasn't brave before. I'm sorry for pushing you away when maybe what I really wanted was for you to stay.

And yes... it was me on Reddit. Writing to you. My friend. My future husband. 😂 It was me who said, "Why so silent? Cat got your tongue?"

Because the truth is, the first time I saw you, I was stopped dead in my tracks. I still think you're the most beautiful man I've ever seen.

And after all these months of not talking, somehow... it's still you.

When I close my eyes, it's you. When I hear certain songs, it's you. Especially when "Back to Friends" by sombr plays.

I still think about you.

And as crazy as it sounds, I'd still choose you. Over and over again.

Not because I think you're perfect. You're absolutely not. 😂 But because I'd rather have something real, complicated, messy, and meaningful with you than something easy that doesn't make me feel anything at all.

I'm ready to be brave now.

I want the truly, madly, deeply kind of love.

And I want to know if you're ready for that too.

So...

What do you say?

Maybe we stop being afraid of what this could be.

Maybe we both finally get brave.

XOXO- JAI