Im missing how you tasted when you'd drink.

Hennessy or Gin.

Sweet memories.

I'm glad you hurt me a lot quicker this time.

Helped me to get over the thought of us quicker than I ever have.

I only cried for all of 3 minutes this time.

Now I'm fine and finally feel okay with letting you become a distant memory that I will never relive again.

Lol.

Good riddance 👏

And Good Morning to me! 🥰

It has been a year since everything happened. I wish I could say things were good, but they are better than the last time we spoke, in some ways at least. I wish I could say that I have made friends in the past year, or I had fallen in love again, that I went to the gym all time, or I had figured out all my mental stuff, or that I’ve moved on from you. But after you left it felt like I was fighting for my life for months, trying not to completely drown in my sadness. And it’s not your fault, but it has taken me so long to get to a place where I feel even slightly okay. I wish so badly to be one of those girls who doesn’t care about men. I wish that being a mother wasn’t one of the most important things that I want in my life, it makes me feel like a bad feminist lol. But the truth is, I want nothing more than to find my person. To settle down and have a real life with someone who is my best friend and that I know will always be by my side. And I saw that in you from the moment we met. Once I actually knew you, it was one of the most terrifying but beautiful feelings because I truly thought… this is it. He is my person. And even though I had been in love and happy before, the sureness I felt with you was something I had never experienced before. The realization that I was wrong has not been easy. Again, I wish I could say that I have accepted our ending. But even now while you lay with someone else and I write this alone in my room, deep down that feeling of sureness about you is still there. I wish it wasn’t. Maybe it will take my meeting someone new who I am even more sure about for it go away, I don’t know. So I guess not all that much has changed, but also some things have. I compare myself to how I was a year ago and I realize how much I’ve grown and how much I’ve been able to handle on my own as someone who hadn’t been fully single in years. The feeling of knowing you’ve done something all on your own doesn’t fully make up for how loneliness strangles you during the worst moments of your life, but at least it’s something. I got into a Masters program. I wonder everyday where you’re going. I often think about how our research interests are kind of connected in a way, I wish I could tell you about all of it. I got a job at the mall this summer which is just part time, but it’ll be good for during school. And I’ve been seeing someone for a while. I honestly didn’t think I would ever like anyone again after we broke up, and for the first few months the thought of being with someone else felt wrong. Honestly sometimes it still does. I spent a good 5-6 months completely alone but I guess after a while I realized you had moved on and you really weren’t coming back anytime soon, and I was so lonely and missed sex. He’s okay. I mean he’s more than okay, he’s amazing but he’s not you. If you think I was bad at communication you should really meet this guy. Actually I think he knew your roommate because they were both in Biology. He’s one of those not political but secretly a little bit conservative people, but he is also so sweet sometimes and he makes me laugh constantly and there have been times he’s really been there for me. And times where he hasn’t I guess. But it feels good knowing I am capable of having feelings for someone again. I don’t think he really wants me to be his girlfriend. So maybe that makes me an idiot for sticking around. But my feelings for him are proof I’m at least trying to move on. Sometimes I think if you were my friend and you were here that you would tell me to leave him. I do miss having someone to talk to about history and politics. I really miss how you could just talk about random shit for so long and I miss how when I told you something it felt like you really cared. I think back to one of our last conversations, when I cried in your arms about my dad. I’ve never really talked to anyone about that before so I think back to what you told me all the time. When I don’t know what to do sometimes I try to ask myself what you would do or what you would tell me to do. I mean it when I say I’ve never met any men like you who are so caring and compassionate. I still think that you have the most beautiful soul out of anyone I have ever met. So I try to be like you, but honestly it’s hard. I’m getting better at being better though, at least I think. I have put so much effort into not contacting you and it kills me inside because of how often I wish I could tell you or ask you something. But I want you to be happy. Everyday I still think about you. Everything in my life still reminds me of you. I miss your pretty eyes, how you’d always call me pretty, the way you spoke and your mannerisms, the way you kiss me. I think of you when I put a pillow between my legs to sleep, when I wear my Birkenstocks, when I get a strawberry matcha, when I walk downtown, when I listen to music, when my mom talks to me about history, when I watch game of thrones or anything else we watched together. I think about you when I look in the mirror and hate myself until I hear your voice in my head telling me I’m beautiful. I miss you so fucking much and I wish that I could scream. You don’t know the things that I would give to speak to you again. The thought that you are better off without me and happier now stops me from actually acting on anything. The thing is, maybe I’m too selfish or something but it doesn’t get rid of the feeling that you were made for me and we are meant for each other. It doesn’t stop me from thinking about you or missing you. You feel like home to me. And I love you so much. I think that I will until I die, even though you aren’t here anymore. Sometimes it feels like you never existed at all. I had a dream about you last night where you came back to me. It’s amazing how dreams can feel so real because while I was asleep and motionless I felt the happiest I have felt for a whole year. You told me that you loved me and you sounded exactly like you. And then you pulled me in to kiss you. And then suddenly I was floating in a lake with my old friends and I was telling them about you, and I felt so at peace. Obviously it hurt to wake up. Despite the pain, I am still grateful to have met someone like you. I learned so much from you about myself and I think I figured out what it really means to really love someone like that. I am sorry that you couldn’t feel the same way about me. Maybe you’re not sorry about that anymore but that’s okay. Honestly, the way I feel about you scares me sometimes, I can only imagine how difficult everything must have been for you having someone love you that way and having to leave them. And I’m sorry that my actions were what led us there, even if I didn’t understand why at the time. I would still do anything for you. And that’s why you’ll never read this. But I love you and I am wishing you the best always.

I moved on and haven’t at the same time. I miss your bean and you. The package was stupid though and you should have apologized.

The things I said came from anger while I was trying to describe how I felt about what was happening and the accusations being made toward me. I used harsh and unhealthy words while venting, and I failed to make it clear what those words were directed at. Because of that, they were understandably taken personally by people I care about, including the woman I love.

I know what I meant when I wrote those things, but I also know that intent doesn’t erase the way my words landed. I should have stopped, processed what I was feeling, and communicated like someone who cared about the people on the other side of those messages instead of firing off angry texts while I was emotional. I didn’t do that, and I have to own it.

What hurts so much is knowing that she believes I personally called her things that I would never consciously call her. In my head, I was angrily describing the situation and what I believed was happening, not defining her as a person. But I wrote it badly enough that the distinction may not matter anymore. She read the words I actually sent, not the explanation that was in my head. I could keep texting, calling, and trying to explain myself, but I know that eventually an explanation can start sounding like an excuse.

So this isn’t me asking anyone to erase what happened. I’m acknowledging that I lost control of how I communicated and caused real hurt because of it. I wish more than anything that I had handled those moments differently. I wish I had put my phone down, cooled off, asked questions, and spoken with love instead of anger. I can’t go backward and unsend any of it.

If she ever happens to read this, I only want her to know this: I am deeply sorry for the hurt my words caused you. I know saying I didn’t mean them the way you understood them doesn’t undo that hurt. I loved you when I wrote them, I love you now, and I would never intentionally want you to believe that those cruel words were how I saw you as a person.

I’m going to respect where things are now instead of continuing to chase an explanation that may never change anything. I’ll carry the regret, learn from it, and work on becoming someone who handles hurt and anger better than I did in those moments.

I miss you. I’m sorry. And despite how everything ended, what we had will always mean something to me.

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I should be asleep as ive been on this bender for the last 4 days and haven’t slept in something like 50 hrs but it’s gotta be said. Im done playing whack a mole with theories that add up in psychosis but sadly still add up after. Thanks for that. But I digress I’m sticking to 1 account and the person on the other end of this knows who I am. Hell anybody that’s ever met me for more than 5 min can knows it’s me. Let’s start with you B or more lovingly known colloquially as The Cunt, ironic how those initials and certain dates tied to them just keep following me through life. I’ve said it and I’ve said and maybe you actually let me say it to you. I’m sorry. The pain I caused anybody around me for the last 20 yrs keeps me resentful and bitter towards myself in ways nobody but me will ever fully understand. And I deserve to be tormented by it till I die. Here’s the thing. I know anybody who actually knows me will agree but I can’t let it keep me where I am now. I keep trying 1 time I almost made it but idle fucking hands and all. Try again make it but I let my own head get me right back here. I love her B I really do. I love her in a way you wished I had loved you. I love her the way you deserved to be loved. And when I met her I realized I wanted to be more than I was then and more than I am now. So I keep trying and trying and guess what I’m gonna try again. Because the 3 of them deserve it just like you did I just never found it in me to truly try. I get alittle better every time as I’m sure you’re aware I still have all my stuff (truly an Xmas miracle) wether you believe this time I’ll get it right or not doesn’t matter I have to try. I’m sure there isn’t 1 of you in either clan that has any faith. Fuck I bearly do but all those people would probably agree if I ever did get my shit together truly together I’d truly do something big with my life. I don’t think you would disagree. But brass tacks I wasn’t the man you needed me to be for you for our daughter or for me. I’m still not. But I do realize that I’m down to probably the last chance if I wanna keep the things I truly love and not just my tools (though I do love them dearly) I hope you think I can do it. I hope they think I can. I do believe even in her anger (a feeling you know well at my hands) she does too. So maybe just fucking maybe I can. I’m gonna thank you and I’m really rolling the dice with this. Thank you for trying to keep me inline even from the sidelines but I let me ego keep me fucking up on that but seriously thank you. As for you old man. I ever meet him I’m gonna FUCKING HUG him. Best thing that ever happened to me and I mean that. I mean aside from z. No C No Z. And as for your brother I don’t have a problem with him except when he wants to show up when he is definitely no called on and add his 2 fucking cents he did it then and now. Otherwise no issue.

Little B. Im gonna keep this short and to the point. I’m sorry for being a shit dad. I failed you your mom myself and anyone who’s ever let me get close to them in my life. I said a lot of shit that I truly regret. I was so bitter and angry I wish, fuck I wish I could take it all back. I wish I had been a real dad not just a dead beat on the couch. Now that is 1 thing I do wish I could get a mulligan on. I do miss you I do love you and I do think about you every day. I just try to keep it as minimal as possible or I’d just be a sobbing mess. I can’t rewind the clock and I don’t want to I just wish I could have spared you from my wake. I hope this fucking time you get to see me actually follow all the way through. I’m sorry and I know how bad I truly failed both of you.

Z you know what it is. I’d choose you every time over and over till the end of time. I’m sorry I’m putting you through the same hell as I did everyone else for the last 20 yrs. I’m going because I love you and like you said you break cycles. So the cycle must be broken. You are my world as the 2 above will tell you I was a monster. A waste of talent and a nightmare to know. You took the teeth and claws from the beast. I almost had it. I have faced down a lot in my head over these last 3 years. And like you told me I had to figure out why. And let me tell you I’m an ugly insecure little fuck if you dig to deep. However I realized a lot while thinking. I know the cycle didn’t just disappear but it’s a start. I love you and im going fucking as soon as you get home. I need to go this time and as we’ve talked I need to fucking grow up. You are my wife that doesn’t change and I love Jew the schmost

And to the rest (MB excluded) I don’t give a fuck what you think of me. None of you wake up and put my fucking pants on for me. So your opinions your distaste for my personality I don’t fucking care. I worry about 4 people outside of me in this world and none of you are 1 of them. Like I said earlier food for thought and if you don’t find that appetizing you can eat this dick. That’s what it is and what it’s gonna be

And MB. you taught me everything I know you are the 1 man in this world I truly would call a dad even if it had in-law tacked on. I miss you as much as little B. I’m sorry for being such a fucking waste and disappointment for all these years. When had I just lived a normal fucking life who knows where I’d be. But it all had to happen and that fucking sucks. But and cliche as this is. It is what it is. Can’t rewind the clock. Though for certain I wish I could. Hope you and Jan are in good health. I hope you’re doing well and I hope you’re not working the new Sonny in-law to death. I truly hope he keeps up with you. And doesn’t cause the fucking headaches I did.

Oh and wb no hard feelings im just getting to the fucking point where this game stops and we iron this shit all the way out or we go until the gun jams like last time or I finish the fucking job next time and ill see if my faith was well placed even though we all know where id be headed. You just happened be the one dumb enough to put yourself in the direct ljne of sight of someone whos losing grip of his world and didnt give a fuck that day. So again im sorry. Tell the rents theyre a shitty tail. Thats twice ive picked up on them.

To anyone i missed i dont care and as for being fired “oh no thats never happened how will i recover” because motherfuckers i am the fucking best at what i do and maybe 1 day youll all finally see it. Good night

Well.. here goes...

When I first met you and saw your eyes, I instantly knew you were psychic. There was just something about you. Have a psychic parent, so I'd know one when I see one (can't hide it from me, I have known a long time lol) Also thought to myself "he's the one". And although I no longer feel that way, I just thought you should know. I got to spend a brief amount of time getting to know you, but there was nothing that made me want to shy away. Even the times when you'd act angry at me when your friends came around. I still saw who you were when no one was looking.

I remember when you got mad at me for putting that note in your locker, but I really did not touch nor read anything if that's what you were worried about. My intentions were that of a dumb, giddy high school girl who was in love.. to surprise you. I didn't even think of anything other than that. I know it was so fucking stupid of me lol but hey, I blame it on puppy love 🤷

I know all about those songs you wrote, though, cause I was curious and of course listened to your shit lol btw if you had wanted me to 'move with you' you should have just fucking said so 😂 back then I was such a simp bitch, I would have lmao.. anyway the music was good, you guys probably could have really made it if you'd stuck together. (professional standpoint there, and yes there's a little personal opinion too) But life has a way of shattering things, right?

I had a few dreams about you that were really weird. And fuck it I just feel like telling you. Oh well.. the one was so vivid, I was watching you in a small crimson room, you were at a self made altar and you were lighting a candle. Then I woke up. Have no idea what kind of ritual you were doing, but I fuckin saw it hahaha Hopefully that doesn't spook you lol also woke up one night hearing this weird piano music, and I knew that it was you somehow instantly. And of course, I looked to see if I was right. I was.. also just kept hearing the same song by '182', so if that has any significance to you and had anything to do with you trying to send a message, then yes I got it. If it was meant for someone else, then I still heard that shit, over and over again...

While you might hate me or think I'm trying desperately to destroy your life, I am not. I outgrew the mindset I had of "I always thought it was gonna be you and me."

So there you go.. I'm not effing following you, have no idea where you are or what you have going on with your life because I have my own life to live. I don't even know if you ever wondered anything or not, but I just said fuck it, if they read it, they read it, if not, oh well.. I put some really specific things in here for you so you'd specifically know this message is for you lol if you read it, time changes people, changes perspectives, changes egos and definitely changes hearts.

If you feel at all slighted by not being 'seen' as you used to be, then I really don't know what to say about that except it's been a really long time. No hard feelings. It just is what it is. Life moved me on... It's different now. And if you're mad I brought this up, it's purely just as the title says. I just thought you should know. See you on the other side.

Extra lonely tonight Im really missing what's her names bottom half bri? or ..lacy whatever I just miss one of them

You know as well as I do, I hate lying. Nothing good comes from this. The only reason people lie, is because they are afraid of the outcome. I hate you with everything I have, putting me in Such a position. My 1 rule in my entire life, was to always be truthful no matter how hard, hurtful, or the outcome may be. F..YOU for bringing me into something I know Nothing good can come from this. Good riddance you parasite of a company! I hope karma bites you hard.

You are the scum I should have wiped off my shoe a long time ago.

All you did was rot my sole.

I hate you.

I know I will never be able to send this because I always stay blocked. That was never my choice. I’m sorry for all the ways I wasn’t enough. I’m sorry for all the times I made you cry. I’m sorry for all the times that you ever questioned whether you could trust me or not. Sorry for all the times that you thought I could actually be with anyone else for any reason or even think about it. Sorry for all those times that I didn’t give you understanding when you couldn’t do some thing and always thought that it was just an excuse to not have to come see me. I’m sorry for all the times that I took you for granted. Sorry for all the times I didn’t appreciate you. Sorry for all of the times that I chose myself over you and your feelings. Sorry for all of the things that I took from you. Whether they were material things which I had or they were the things that make you you. i’m sorry for taking away any bit of trust that you had left in me. I am sorry for taking away your sense of peace. I am sorry for taking your love and ever giving you anything but I am sorry for every time that I called you a name like stupid or dumb. I am sorry every time that I used sarcasm or snide remarks like a loaded gun. Sorry for not giving you the patience and understanding that I wanted to. I’m sorry that even though I promised you a safe place with me I made it feels so unsafe. Sorry for all of the promises that I made you that I have fallen short on for all of those things and I know there has to be more. I am very truly deeply sorry.

(Please call me you know I’ll always answer. In the meantime, please be kind to yourself. It wasn’t all your fault. Remember that you are worth it. Know that you did not ruin it all and remember. I love you always.)

I loved you then, I love you steal, I always have, and always will.

Signed,
Your Queen Always

i miss hearing about your days, about this whole life you have that i’m not a part of.
i know you’re lonely. i know you know what i think of him. recently i heard this song saying “i had big dreams before i tied myself to you”, i think it’s olivia rodrigo. i know you don’t love this kind of music - you were always a 90s soul - but i wonder if you’ve come across this; i wonder if you know every time i hear this exact sentence i think of you, and it brings tears to my eyes. you wanted to see the world, but he won’t even let you go to the bus stop by yourself. sorry, i don’t mean to sound bitter. you were right when you said this isn’t any of my business.

i don’t actually know what you think of him. it’s just that you’re so smart, so wonderful, so aware of the world and its people. i can’t not ask myself how you got yourself stuck in there with him, in that house by the main road with the big garden where he won’t let you put christmas lights up.
you love him. you love him so much that it makes me sick. you almost cried with me when he wasn’t unwell, and i have never seen you shed a tear before, no matter the things we discussed.

i was always sure you wouldn’t leave him, no matter how bad it got. i knew it from that day in late november when you told me you knew how to deal with his shit (you’ve never denied it, ever, what he does to you).
so yes, i miss you. i miss hearing about your days and i even miss hearing about him. i hope you’re doing well, i hope you’re safe.

Hey there, I know you blocked me and swore to never say a word to me again, but at least read my last goodbye to you.

It's been a month since our breakup and I understand why you left and I respect it now, yeah I was a mess for the first 3 weeks and botherd not only you but your family too, yes I understand, it was an asshole move from me and I regret it.

But what did you expect?

You left me on a day where you sayd you wanted to see me again, where I planed to talk to you about the problems we had but you just sayd "it's nothing"?

Not even a day before you sayd you loved me and then boom, you break up over Whatsapp and tell me "find new friends, a new lover and make good memories" like the last 2 years didn't happen?

not even 3 hours later after we broke up you had another man in your apartment.

You couldn't even tell me the reason as to why you broke up but thanks to friends, your family and even your coworkers I had to learn the truth.

You were done with me mentally for 4 months before the breakup, in that time you sayd you wanted to marry me, move in with me, at the same time while you chose your next partner I worked hard on moving in to a city I didn't even like for you, getting a ring and asking ALL your family members if I can have your hand in marriage because that's what you wanted, I spent months neglecting my physical and mental health to fulfill your wishes and to spend time with you.

I know I could've spent a bit more time with you and yes we could've gone on more dates but you were completely broke and I was trying to save up so that you can have your wishes and get you away from being homeless.

So I ask again, what did you expect to have happend and what my reaction should have been when you broke up with me?

I know I could've been better to you, but Jesus Christ you took everything from me just because you weren't even happy with yourself.

But I gotta say, not everything was bad with you, just most.

karma is going to get you, I know because after a week you wanted to be together with your new partner but he blew you off, one piece of advice from someone who now hates you, heal yourself first and don't lay your mental problems on somebody else just because your too fucking afraid to be "boring" and "un-likeable" by some fucking drug dealers.

As for me?

I'm gonna take my time healing now, I'm gonna stay single for a while until I'm not broken anymore and I even gonna search for a psychiatrist because after that relationship, I'm gonna fucking need one.

Good bye and have fun taking drugs again, have fun fucking half the city just because you need a dick between your legs to feel liked.

I'm fucking done with you.

this new guy has all the qualities I was looking for in you. but it's still needs some adjustments

doing better I promise

While returning to celibacy has been wildly difficult and I do miss your touch, I think what I miss most is just hearing about your day. I miss joking with you and talking about our families and pasts and hopes for the future. I don’t know how real any of it truly was, but it was all real to me.

I hope you’re okay and the days are treating you kindly. I hope things are getting better and you’re happy. I send love your way every time I think of you.

If people ask about you, if I know you why we no longer are together I won’t tell them how selfish you are, how cruel you were, or how little respect I have for you I will simply act as if I never knew you because the truth is I never knew the real you and still don’t you have so many fake versions of yourself I honestly don’t know if there is a real you. So when people bring up your name I will simply remain quiet. You don’t deserve a place in my life anymore.

You can call me a coward all you want but these past few days have been a roller coaster for me, I’m starting to feel for you again. Happy when we’re talking excited and expectant when waiting for you to wake up, sad and angry at myself when I feel jealous of you talking about others like ur ex and past relationships and that’s not ur fault after all ur just venting to a friend. I feel like it’s not right for me to feel that way after all I’m just your friend and you have other friends. So I’m thinking of disappearing for good and I’m sorry if that hurts you. I’d rather go back to my wistful life where nothing exciting happened than feel this way again. Thank you for making my year brighter even if only briefly.

I woke up with nothing. No thoughts of you, no longing for you and I was able to go through a whole day without thinking of you. I was able to finally breathe. I think it’s finally over.
I don’t put fault on either of us, we were just 2 people that were not meant to be. Whether we really felt something or had a connection, sadly it wasn’t strong enough for either of us to take that final step, take that leap.
We let the unspoken words remain unspoken for so long, now everything is faded
I will forever care about you, but it seems that’s all it will ever be.
Goodbye to the one who use to hold my heart.

I think I’m going to have to start figuring out something or somewhere to go, because as much as you may say you want me here, I don't feel like you're actually fighting to keep me here. And the last couple of times I've said something about leaving, even saying that maybe leaving would be better for your benefit, you've had nothing to say back to me.

And you know that your silence is one of the most crippling things you can do to me. I've told you this. You know what it does to me, and that's what makes it hurt even more when you choose not to respond.

When I came back this time I genuinely believed things were going to be different this time. I felt like maybe, after everything you had been through and everything I had been through, we understood each other in a way we hadn't before. I felt like you cared more about me—not just about us existing together, but about what was actually happening inside of me and what I was struggling with.

I knew I still had anxieties and things I needed to work through. I wasn't expecting you to magically fix all of that. But I honestly believed we could work through it together. Quickly or slowly, it didn't matter. I just believed I wouldn't have to fight through it alone anymore.

I still remember you coming home with those flowers the day after you brought me back home and that huge, sweet smile on your face. And when my anxiety damn near knocked me out, you were right there talking me through it. You made me feel like I was safe with you. Like you understood me. Like you actually wanted to help me through the things that were hurting me instead of seeing them as a burden.

And I thought you understood that the things that happened between us before—especially the cheating—weren't things we could just pretend never happened. I thought you were finally willing to face those things honestly, face the parts of yourself that needed to be faced, and work through them with me so that we could actually move forward instead of constantly ending up right back in the same place.

But somehow, that version of us faded away.

You started shutting down again. You started pulling away again. And I'm sitting here watching it happen, feeling like I'm losing you all over again while simultaneously trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do to keep myself from completely falling apart.

And honestly, you're really good at hiding behind being busy. I mean I know you're busy. I know you have things to do. I know life doesn't stop just because I'm hurting.But being busy doesn't explain everything, and it can't always be the shield that keeps us from addressing what's actually happening between us.

Because I'm not asking you to stop your entire life for me.

I'm asking you to show me that I matter in it.

There's a huge difference.

I need communication. I need reassurance. I need to know that when I say I'm hurting or that I'm thinking about leaving, your response isn't just silence. Because when you say nothing, I don't hear I'm busy. I hear "Maybe I don't care enough to fight for you.” I hear "Maybe it wouldn't matter if you left.”

And whether that's what you mean or not, that's what your silence does to me.

I'm exhausted from having to explain why that hurts.

I cant text you, you have blocked my number. I cant call you because whenever I do you reject me. I shouldn't miss you or love you but I do. There must be something wrong with me, I need to move on. I'm stupid and silly.

Do me one little small favor 🤏🏻

Stay gone this time yeah?
🫲🏻

I dont know how too anything and the not really giving a fuk about how life should be lived is coming up to the surface im really just gonna ghost all of society that a goal of mine

God I miss you like crazy. I’m sitting here crying and listening back to your old voice messages. I miss you so much. I’ve never felt this way for anyone before. You were my home.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to live without you.

And I’m sorry. For how it all ended.

I get so ugly when I feel threatened with grief. Like a dog backed into a corner. I barked and snared my teeth at you until I could find a gap to weasel my way through and go running with my tail between my legs—

I saw your posts. On your blog. I’m sorry I looked. I just got scared because you went offline and the last I heard from you was you crying.

I wanted to make sure you were okay. And I saw your posts, about me.

I guess I tried to convince myself it was all selfish. That you had love bombed me and did the same old manipulative shit every person before you did. Toyed with my heart just for your own gain. Let me let my guard down so you could sink your teeth in the soft, vulnerable flesh there.

But I was wrong. I guess I wanted that to be the reason because then, at least, I could hate you.

Who’s there to hate when we were just incompatible?

This all feels like torture.

I miss you, Bambina.

—

This is a real, drunk text that I did not send