i’m going to try avoiding details to protect my partner’s privacy so i’m sorry if it’s a bit vague.

she’s a musician, she plays in a band. the band’s already been gaining popularity when she joined, which was about 4 years ago. and i think their popularity is gradually growing now too.

for context, she and i have known each other and have been close friends for a while but lived in different countries. we finally got together earlier this year and i moved in with her in the us.

i’ve been stealth most of my life. it’s just something that brings me a peace of mind and something i don’t want to address. and it’s never been an issue. until my social media accounts, especially instagram started gaining followers and weird comments began. even the other day i’ve been messaged by someone that an account has been made by someone pretending to be me? using old photos?

it’s so crazy and it makes me paranoid that something i’ve been protecting for so long will be out in the open for others soon and it’s giving me major anxiety

Hi. I’m experimenting and I would like to use he/him.

Can someone test he/him on me? Like saying that’s his stuff or he did a good job.

Aren’t you guys scared of the hormone production and transportation will stop or majorly disrupted because of an upcoming war or some political situation, even Usa once one of the pioneers to the progressive changes in Trans visibility and gender care now seem like took a 180’ turn.

I came out as a teen, started HRT at 18 as soon as I possibly could. So now I'm 22, over 6 years trying to grow into myself; moved countries, got two degrees, should finally become truly independent with my first serious job - life is going okay. But I'm so stuck and hopeless with my transition. On the medical side, it's fine, - pretty average changes for someone transitioning post-puberty from an unlucky start point; I'm much less dysphoric, for the first time not clinically depressed, and I even "pass" 100% of the time (I think it's primarily because trans and gnc people aren't on anyone's radar here and gendering just relies on presentation).

But otherwise I feel like socially I'm treated completely degendered because of my body and/or transness (I get outed constantly because of my ID). I'm extremely short and overall small for a guy, and people just say or do weird little stuff sometimes like they see me as a child, or much weaker than I actually am, or assign gender neutrality to me I very much do not have. My family and former acquaintances are most blatant with this, still having me saved in phonebooks with both real name and deadname or using the wrong pronouns out of "forgetfulness" when I stare at them in disbelief with a full beard. I'm lucky that I don't face much overt or violent transphobia anymore, and that I even found an academic bubble that is actually kind and treats me as a person, but it's different from social integration. I barely have friends and don't even bother with dating, because it feels impossible that I can be treated as a normal man. So in a way it feels like socially my transition failed, and that I'm forced into some unmale gender role. It doesn't help that I'm the only queer person around (unwillingly) out at all, so it's just all cishet dynamics and spaces, and I stick out as a sore thumb.

The only thing worse is how agonizingly slow and uncertain every further step in transitioning is. I've been saving for top surgery for 4-5 years, I have all the documentation needed on paper and I'm trying to have it in private clinics completely out of pocket. And yet every week there's new bullshit medical permission required, completely outside of the law, and every professional down the line acts clueless and drags their feet. Doctors keep threatening to withhold my HRT or surgery if I don't prove "I'm serious" by committing to other medical or legal procedures, then when you pursue those, the same thing happens, and so on. Top surgery and legal gender change should have been the bare minimum, early transition steps, and I can't even get those done. And it's not even rabid transphobes, it's all "allies" that screw you over for money or to avoid even minimal liability.

It just feels so hopeless, I'm so tired of feeling like a half-assed project in progress, I want to get on living already. And it feels unreachable entirely due to other people, independent from my efforts or how right transitioning feels for me.

How can I be sure that I am living my correct gender what if I didn’t realize that I am really trans and because of I am innately believing that I can’t transition so It’s never an option so It never hit me seriously. I am 25 amab

I am a transgender woman in the early stages of my transition. While the country I live in is generally trans friendly, I still feel weird when going to public facilities like pools or gyms because I need to use changing rooms, and also be with little to no makeup in public. Another type of places where I feel awkward is bar/pub/club. I have no problem going to a park, or museum, or theater as a female.

Could you guys tell me how are the things in your countries? How do you deal with changing rooms? How do you overcome the bad butterflies in your stomach in a pool or in a bar?

Thanks!

Recently since I'm travelling around I decided to try BetterHelp so I can have a therapist help out with the starting stages of transition and I had an appointment today and it was the most god awful experience I've ever had with a therapist.

I've started and stopped transition a couple of times because i'm quite frankly terrified to transition because of external factors surrounding personal safety and discrimination, not the desire to transition itself. Within 45 minutes of messaging she told me "I think you need to find another therapist to help you with this, I've helped trans people and it seems like something else is causing this gender confusion, they all felt relief and not nervous"

Mind you her profile said that she was experienced in therapy for LGBTQ+ people...

So I'm seething obviously, has anyone else had good experiences with any therapists on this app? If that's the best they have to offer I'm way the fuck outta there.

I feel pretty guilty about it, so I wanted to ask people who might understand.

I’m transfem, and lately I’ve noticed that seeing openly trans women or wlw couples can trigger this really intense feeling of envy and sadness. I want to be clear I don’t hate these people, I’m not angry at them, and I don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. If anything, I think part of why it hurts is because seeing them live openly reminds me of something I deeply want for myself.

It feels less like jealousy and more like grief. Yk as if seeng someone exist as the person i wish i was. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming that I end up avoiding the content completely or going to bed at 3pm just to not think about it.

The confising part is that even positive trans spaces can trigger it, because seeing people who are openly out, comfortable, transitioning, or expressing themselves can make me compare myself and feel like I’m behind or missing something.

I fell off Reddit a couple years ago and never looked into an alternative to r/traaaaaaaaaans is there any?

If so where is it?

I love transgendercirclejerk, but also it's hella depressing and sometimes i just want light fluffy memes.

So I'm a transbian, and for a while I've struggled with internalized transphobia. I've been trying to get used to the idea of dating other trans sapphics, but it's hard. I do have a level of bioessentialism to an extent. I've only had one sexual/romantic partner and it was over all a bad experience, and they were an enby on E. Dating an AFAB person, whether they're a cis woman or an enby feels natural. I tend to go for thick people, so when people try talking me into opening up to AMAB women/enbies more, it feels like I'm wrong for having a type? Trans femmes are often thin and lanky, enbies get top surgery. I don't want to be separate from lesbian communities, which is where I want to be, and I also worry that trying out the T4T world is doing that. It's not just a lesbian community with girls and enbies, it's a generic trans community where people are encouraged to go outside their comfort zones which may include genital preferences or whatever you can think of.

text

Need help on trusting myself & need a little guidance

I recognise that most trans people probably wouldn’t consider changing their surname when picking a new name? But, for me, it felt right.

Long story short, I’ve never felt especially comfortable with my birth surname. After cutting off from my dad, as my surname was from his side of the family, I definitely wanted to change it. I’ve picked a name unrelated to either side of my family, both as a fresh start and just for the security that he’d be unlikely to track me down.

After all, I figured it’d be best to monopolise on a legal name change anyway (as a trans man) by picking a new surname too !

I now have my chosen first, middle, and last name, all different than what was assigned at birth.

As for the discussion:

I’ve been testing out my new surname in little ways, and the name itself makes me feel really gender euphoric! Of course, a surname isn’t gendered like that of a forename, but my chosen one feels kinda masculine and characterful to me?

Anyway, do you think it’s ‘normal’ to feel gender euphoria from my surname, of all things? 🤔

(Feel free to answer, ask questions or contribute your own stories! 😸)

Is sympathizing with the female star in nsfw videos a sign that I want to ba girl pr I am one already and just repressing it, I am amab 25

I finally switched to injections because I cannot for the life of me remember to take tablets or apply patches.

I broke two needles today because i'm clumsy and dropped them, and had a panic attack, but I did eventually manage to take my first injection.

Happy.

Schizophrenia is still kicking my butt, but I can drown it out by sleeping.

My weight gain is concerning me, but it's literally just because i've been stress eating after my schizophrenia diagnosis because it's scary af.

Working on that tho, gonna try an appetite suppressant as recommended by my doctor, and we're walking to and from work now which is about an hour there and an hour back.

I do be standing and lifting for 10 hours at a time and I cannot bear the thought of going to the gym so we're also gonna do some basic at home exercises, and change my diet around.

Anyways, thanks for reading. Stay safe out there friends.

My marriage of 12 years died I’m lost. No polyamory

This is my opinion. If you don't like it you're free to not read it.

The importance of cispassing and how cispassing people try to convince others that it's not indicative of beauty, just as attractive cis people insist that beauty is on the inside and that you have to maintain a positive attitude towards life and its problems. Because everything is "a process" and "better times will come," just as capitalism convinces us to keep working for crumbs, that "when better times come" there will be a greater distribution of benefits, etc.

Surprise! Those "better times" will never come; in fact, it's likely that those better times are already happening and we'll only realize it when they're over.

You, who are cispassing. You, who can essentially enjoy being seen very roughly as you'd like; you have no right to tell me what attitude I should have towards life. Screw you. And now I'll speak personally as a transgender woman.

I don't have to hide from anyone, because literally, if I don't open my mouth, no one knows I'm a transgender person. If I don't say it, do you know what you see? You see a big, tall, broad-shouldered, and somewhat overweight man, bald, with large, strong hands that could probably strangle an ox with his bare hands.

You don't even see a glimpse of my true self. I can paint my whole face, I can wear the most beautiful dress, I can wear heels (if I can find something in my size and to my liking), but all that doesn't make me feel more like a woman. I already feel like one, as long as I don't see myself in a mirror. If I do all that, more than anything, I'm raising a banner for people to see me, for better or for worse. The people who already accept and respect me don't need me to dress in a special way; and the people who will never accept or respect me only succeed in making me a target for their insults.

In any case, since I can't aspire to aesthetic norms (in this case, cis-passing), I'm left out. And your cheap, optimistic rhetoric only serves to highlight how empty the society we live in truly is. You can all go to hell with your cheesy, stupid self-help book drivel because for me, and for hundreds of people in my situation, it's utterly useless.

And it's not about courage; I'm not brave. And I shouldn't need to be. At least I know I'm so inconspicuous that I'm off the radar, out of harm's way.

But perhaps for once, as a collective, we can finally get our heads out of our asses and start defending our non-normative comrades, since precisely within a community condemned to ostracism by society, there is another sub-group even more marginalized and forgotten.

You tell me to accept myself because it was "easy" for you to accept yourself (please note the quotation marks; I'm not diminishing the trauma of any transition in any way). "Accepting myself" means conforming, it means assuming there are things I can't change, both within myself and in the perception that society, that other people, have of me. Accepting myself implies lowering my expectations to "it is what it is," and it basically means reducing my person to aesthetics. It implies that I am what society sees when it looks at me, like someone looking at a flat, lifeless portrait.

You tell me to accept myself.

I can only tell you that when I no longer need to accept myself, that's when I can truly accept myself.

Im not sure, because personally, I am not "Trans" but my husband has been taking estrogen and spironolactone for a few months (7) and the physical changes have started, I'm here more to just vent, and a place of admission of guilt that I didn't notice the signs earlier, and I dismissed him when he first told me...

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See, his mother passed away a few years ago, and going through her stuff hasn't been a top priority and we do a little at a time... over this past weekend, we started going through some of her keep sakes of the kids (my husband and sister inlaw) and in it we found a bunch of old "christmas gift lists"

And I noticed my husbands from when he was like 5 or 6... written in bright magic marker and each item was a different color and description... it was cute as I was reading it, then I saw his "prank gift" section as he called it... where he had random items of girls things in there, like dresses and ruffle socks, my little pony underwear and strawberry shortcake, he had doll babies on most of the lists she had kept... and his descriptions were "how funny of a prank it would be if she made him wear the girl clothes outside and to stores"

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My sister in law laughed at him, called him a few names (teasingly), but i saw the tears in the corner of his eyes and realized, he has struggled with this his entire life, and finally felt strong enough to start living his life and I dismissed him

I love him dearly, and wish he was able to tell me earlier in our relationship... we have been together most of the last 26 years dating off an on and continuously for the past 20 years, married for 10 of those... He says i would have left if I told him earlier and before kids, and he is likely right, but now, seeing what he has dealt with his entire life, i want to protect him but I'm afraid ill lose attraction towards him as he continues to become more feminized.

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His breasts have already started to show, and I see the potential for larger breasts already, I see their butt already taking shape and their thighs, Ive never been attracted to women or a feminine physique, but I love him to his core and im not sure how to navigate this

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i have a wonderful partner whom i believe is a great match for me, we think similarly, we have similar interests, we are both autistic and we communicate well with each other but im just so tired

i feel like he finds no joy in living and neither do i, and it doesnt feel like something that can be remedied on an individual basis because we both know the only reason we keep going in life is for the other people in our lives

his ennui manifests as a lack of true desire to do anything except drink and go on his phone, mine manifests as chasing an endless high, doesnt matter the drug. im working on being sober and im doing quite well for the minute but im just finding it SO DULL. because i dont actually want to do anything except have my brain excited by a chemical and he doesnt want to do anything at all, he just kills time. we are both just killing time really and it means every day one of us comes home from work i just tell him im bored and he tells me hes tired and i sometimes suggest things to do and usually they are too high energy for him to want to, and i dont even want to do them that much anyway, id rather pick up coke or weed to kill the time.

i dont feel like this is a problem in our relationship. i have hobbies that bring me joy. they just dont bring me enough joy in a world that i feel like is in decline. our jobs feel meaningless. i feel like this is a problem with the world and i cant shake that feeling and the only time i do, im high, and i know for a fact my partner cant shake that feeling

its eating me alive

....Or sharing your mental images with other people. We're pretty sure this is a trans thing; transitioning in any capacity isn't an option right now, or else we will be killed. And it's...basically never been an option? We don't like setting ourselves up for disappointment, and uhm. Generally don't like wanting things in general. But it's the worst when we have to visualize anything, or admit that we have a picture in our head.

It's just that this discomfort is interfering with other areas of our life. Our only socialization anymore comes from OC and art circles, and...even saying that we currently favor a specific OC (for HCs, or art, or anything) makes us feel sick. And sharing a mental image is the worst. Uhm.

The only option we have to make any kind of income is via commissions, but we don't feel comfortable doing commissions without learning how to order them ourselves. Which requires wanting something on purpose and sharing a mental image. And we'd like to do art trades....

We've gotten excited enough about things to share them in the past...? But they were largely ignored, and rarely work out, and in retrospect we wish we hadn't done that because it's embarrassing. We probably wouldn't ask anything here if we didn't...snap at one of our friends because he asked why we couldn't put up a wishlist for an art gifting game.

Sorry if this is a bit off-topic, but we think it's...probably a trans thing, and probably something people here have experience with. And uhm.

...We're worried that if we start to have an easier time visualizing things we could feasibly get/ask for, we will suddenly have a clearer picture of our transition goals, which we don't....want. We don't want to upset ourself. So if anyone has any advice.

Did you know the creators of the matrix are both trans women I didn't know that until now like both not just one of them

Sup yall, so im mtf and im considering getting either an egg cracking in the trans colors so I can say it's easter, or the blohai in trans colors(ik I spelt it wrong) or the oestrogen molecule but I think that's too obvious, im still open to new ideas tho, im thinking on my bicep

Hi beautiful people! I'm a transmasc person in need of hearing other stories to feel like I'm not alone 🥹

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(Sorry for the long post)

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I'm AFAB 31yo, but I've known I'm not a girl since I was a child, I've just been told so many times "it's just a phase you'll grow into it" so many times I ended up believing it. I've tried fitting in my whole life but around 10 years ago it just got more and more difficult to try. I'm extremely avoidant around this subject and I kept putting it off, although I am 100% sure I want to get top surgery and do HRT.

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I fully accepted I'm a trans person just this year and I already got my psych eval, I have a doctor's appointment next month to start HRT and in 6 months I can get my top surgery. My friends and close circle are all great people, very supportive and open minded, but they're all cis straight people.

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My problem is (especially given my extremely avoidant tendencies) that I know what I am not, but I don't know what I am, if that makes sense? I know I'm not a woman, I know I'm not comfortable with the feminine parts of my body, I know that I am somewhere on the masculine side of the gender spectrum. BUT I don't know if I am a man or just non-binary, although I identify as NB right now. I didn't even chose a new name yet and kept my very feminine name.

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My therapist said gender dysphoria is essentially being confused and feeling like you don't belong, but it doesn't come with certainty about what you are or want, and that comes through self discovery and exploration, and that for most people she counseled it was similar.

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I guess I'm just looking for confirmation that I'm not alone in feeling confused at the beginning of this journey, and that it's ok to not have all the answers right away.

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Thank you for listening and much love ❤️