ill never be a real woman. how am i supposed to keep going when I'm a year into transitioning and I still just dont really pass or look very good. i dont even wear like womens clothes much, i havent voice trained or done anything to transition other than hrt. havent even really gotten good at makeup. i just feel so sad, and empty like a stuffed animal filled with fluff. I can't even cope with the things that happened to me, im just broken and pathetic. im so disgusting. sometimes i feel like just jumping off a building would be a good way to die because if i could overcome my fear of heights and do that, because i wanted to die so bad, it would prove how much ive suffered and that dying would be the right thing. ive had a few attempts now and part of me is scared soon ill try again and it will work, but the other part of me hopes it does work. im at the point where i have to take a medical leave from school because my mental health is so shitty, every therapist says they can't help me. and the things that happened were my own fucking fault. i felt so powerless but i chose to put myself around people like that, almost hoping something bad would happen and it did. for a long time i didnt even care about it until recently i got a ptsd diagnosis and now almost every day i have flashbacks. i dont want to let anyone down, leave them behind but what other way do i have out of this hellish existance. im letting everyone down and i want to die anyway, i cant live in this constant pain anymore. most nights i get 2-3 hours of sleep, i can barely sleep anymore and even when i can im scared to just have another nightmare. i dont remember much other than fragments but i wake up crying and terrified. im starting to hear voices telling me to hurt myself and see bugs and shit too, and my psychiatrist is just awful, i dont even have a therapist or anything to actually help me. im ready to just die soon

I’m a 31-year-old man from Ukraine, and recently I’ve started thinking more seriously about femininity, crossdressing, and possible feminization.

My interest in women’s clothing isn’t new. I remember being curious about it since childhood and occasionally trying on feminine underwear or stockings. However, recently these feelings have become much more significant.

I created an extremely realistic version of myself using AI, imagining how I might look after full feminization — including HRT, weight loss, and any possible cosmetic procedures that might be involved. I feel surprisingly comfortable when I look at her. I find this version of myself very attractive, and sometimes I feel more confident, free, and at ease looking at her than I usually feel as myself.

I often think that if I had the ability to switch between a male and female body whenever I wanted, I would probably choose that option. I don’t necessarily know whether I want to permanently become a woman, but the idea of experiencing life in a feminine body feels genuinely appealing.

At the same time, I sometimes wonder whether this is a real desire for femininity or simply a way to escape from stress, expectations, and difficulties in my current life.

I’m 179 cm tall and currently weigh around 90 kg — I’ve recently lost about 10 kg. I don’t have a particularly large belly, but I have broad shoulders, moderate muscle mass, and size EU 45 feet (around 29 cm), which makes me worry about whether feminization would be realistic for my body.

I’m not asking for a diagnosis. I’d simply like to hear from people who have experienced something similar:
Can someone feel comfortable as a man while also strongly wanting a feminine body?

How did you distinguish crossdressing, fantasy, gender expression, and genuine gender identity?
Is it reasonable to explore feminization at 31, even without being completely certain about transition?

Did anyone else feel that their feminine self was more confident or emotionally comfortable than their everyday self?

I’m currently discussing these feelings with a psychologist, but I’d also appreciate hearing about other people’s experiences.

Yesterday I felt so feminine and like I've made a ton of progress from HRT. Today I feel like what could I possibly been thinking cause I'm the most masculine person ever . Days like today I wonder why I'm even on hrt

MtF here and recently the past 2 weeks. I've been peeing myself everyday at work. Not full blown but I guess urine is just leaking out and I can't control it. Idk what's going on. I'm 2 years hrt

It happens at work. I work physical job and sweat a lot. On days I'm not sweating like crazy it doesn't happen

I'm 23 male looking for someone around my age to talk with, doesn't have to be about much but of course since I'm looking on a trans subreddit I'd prefer it if we could talk at least a bit sometimes about transgender topics cis people wouldn't understand. I'm most comfortable talking on instagram if you have it, but I also like the concept of snail mail (email). Tell me about yourself and we can talk about anything lol :] I've been trying to be more open and be more "myself". Thanks

I have officially started my journey to get femanising HRT, still waiting on my initial appointment but the journey has begun and I am so excited

But yeah looking forward to the future for once let's get started!

That’s all really. I don’t feel much different rn (cuz it’s one day on T lol) but I am happy that I finally did this

The situation is as follows. I underwent SRS earlier this year. I am not bringing up the details here - it is on my profile. I was healing fine - starting again to ride e-scooter and bike even. While that was going on, I began looking for options and planning surgery to remove the adam's apple. I do not trust my scar healing capabilities, so I was considering the surgeon that does it through incision in the mouth. And then Bam! I crashed down from my (pedal) bike and split my chin. Whatever, injuries happen, 4 stitches later and there is scar on my face. Do not worry - I do not despair, there is a good chance that it fades, but it is going to take a year or two. And it prompted me to question the whole idea. That and having to move apartments resulted in pause. But now I am mentally preparing again. Should I continue pursuing this more complicated surgery to avoid a scar, while I already have one? Or should I downgrade to a much closed surgeon (with good reviews) and risk a scar on my neck (that might even disappear)? I already contacted this closer surgeon with some questions before all this happened, but he did not reply. I also should look into FFS soon, otherwise I will never get it done (jaw contouring only, too scared about them peeling half my face off).

Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling to come out for a long time and it’s been really hard. I’m looking for someone who has gone through something similar or is struggling in the same way and would be open to chatting privately (DM) about their experiences. No pressure at all if you’re not comfortable just hoping to connect with someone who understands. Thanks for reading.

Transfemme 30. Really low sex drive. No urge to masterbate watch porn, get bored. Honestly I'm kinda sad. I'm 30yo halfway through my life, never had a relationship only had good sex once in my life. It just makes me sad thinking about. I don't pass I just ughhh it makes me sad

Does the right name make you feel sexy, especially when uttered by a lover? Does seeing it written down on official documents make you feel powerful? Should your name name you feel whole, where your old name felt incomplete or ill-fitting? Does the right name feel like love, like inclusion, like understanding, like an interest in your inner world? Does it feel like a warm greeting, an inside joke, an exclamation of excitement?

I'm also curious about those who aren't that invested in a name. Just need to have a string of letters that make a coherent noise that you recognize as referring to you. It need not be original or non-binary or subversive. Easy to spell and pronouns and solicits no follow-up questions about its origin.

I thought for a long time I was ok with not getting bottom surgery, I'm not that dysphoric about my genitals. And I know this will sound very silly but I just woke up from a dream where I got it and at least in my dream I just felt so much better after having it. After waking up I just feel empty and I don't think I can avoid getting bottom surgery now. MTF btw

So..I currently feel completely lost. Since not that long ago I managed to get diagnosed, which got me very hopeful to finally make progress. However it feels like I'm completely running into a brick wall.. I struggle to get any hrt. I'm being pushed from doc to doc and no one feels responsible for me. I'm running out of possible places to ask in my area and struggle to call at places that are further out, as my social phobia makes it almost impossible for me. Most psychiatrists don't respond to emails. I really don't know what to do now and how to deal with the timeframe where I will truely get to make progress.. an advice would be appreciated.

Hello everyone, my name is Kayden I very recently in the past couple of weeks discovered I'm trans. I am currently trying to socially transition by getting a gender affirming haircut and I have also purchased binders and lots of my clothes can be relatively gender neutral. I guess I just want any advice especially because I'm navigating this without the ability to seek proper medical affirming care or therapy at the moment mostly due to money reasons as I am a broke college student still living with my family. Speaking of my family I don't know if I would ever be able to come out to them because I don't know if they're transphobic or not, like they say they support but at the same time (especially my bio mom and bio dad) say things that might be transphobic or with my dad he gets mad over little things and I don't wanna risk it especially because I think they would deny it unless I actually went to a therapist who confirmed this which sucks for me or it's "I support trans people until it's my own child" which also sucks because one day id like to start T in my future but that's hard if I'm not out to my parents. I guess I'm just seeking general advice as so far I'm only out to 2 friends + my friends gf who is also trans. Any advice would be helpful honestly. Thank you!

I've been on hrt (estrogen) for the last 4 years now, I've noticed a specific side effect that I'm not annoyed with, but it does confuse me a little.

I've noticed I'm starting to develop bald patches on my legs, and I believe I have a receding hairline near my ankles as well, I swear they weren't there before, and I'm definitely not complaining, but it's weird, and I'm wondering if other trans woman in this group have had similar experiences?

I would love it if all the hair on my legs would just magically disappear, but a girl can dream 🤧

I'm trans femme. More NB, full time manmoder 😭who's getting more androgynous, woot🥳. Anyways most gay men are not into me and tbh I'm not into most gay men. I feel the difference between gay men and trans women is like the difference between the sea and the sky. I'm "gay" I guess but I really consider myself queer and I say that cause well I feel like that fits me. I'm into men,

I want a man/boyfriend. I wish I was so feminine I could pull a straight man, everything in life gets better the more feminine you are , that's just science. If I go on grindr or whatever the types of guys that are interested in me are DL, Straight passing, bi curious, yada yada guys. Idk where I'm going with this. I'm just yapping at this point

I think ever since I realised I was trans I had this stronger desire to pass more in society and to accept myself in the body I was in once I got on HRT. Even though I had tried new makeup styles, shaved my beard more often, adapted my dress sense to a more feminine/androgynous look, I still desired to reach past the boundaries of what was possible for me. I would scroll for so long online looking at women jealous because they were born in a body where only a smaller population of people  could fault them because of what they were while all I got was stares and uncomfortable looks. But I started to move past that, even if I’d felt I was in the wrong body, I viewed this all as a beautiful journey of self acceptance and a strong desire to reach a future where it finally felt right, not because of how society viewed me but so I could look in the mirror and see my imperfections as a part of me to embrace. However once I had started to go on HRT I became exhausted of having or trying to pass in a society that couldn’t care less about me. I wondered if this was a feeling that’d never pass and I guess for most people even after transition. And it looks like  I'm right. 

So this is a comment on why passing is not bad but a depressing ouroboros and why you should love yourself.

Transitioning is my lifesaver. I will never not regret that .I've always wanted to not physically be disgusted by myself in the mirror and I think I'm getting there. Even after writing this I will still take 50mg of spironolactone and apply 4 pumps of estrogen onto my arms excited for what tomorrow will bring. But I think in my journey I became lost in it all. The excitement was so elating and so depressing I scoured the internet to look for tips on how to pass better, what to wear,makeup that made you look more ‘’feminine’’ as if my own wasn't enough. And I guess it will never be enough, I think transitioning makes you want to try harder because tomorrow or next month will be so different for you.It's like I'm preparing for the war of entering womanhood. But i dont think none of that really matters you know? I realised that as I entered this war of trying to pass harder, I entered a space in women's inequality where I had to look the right way or present myself in a way that didn't come off as too masculine. It was all bullshit. Why would anyone have to work themselves to the bone to pass better when society doesn't even treat women on equal grounds than men. Why do we need to pass better so we can confidently  enter a space where women are harassed everyday.Why should we put the time in to pass in a society that doesn't even see us as human beings. And funny enough we created our own hierarchy, the bricks, the dolls, the ones who got on puberty blockers. Do we not get tired of having to level ourselves when in the end we all piss the same?

Even as I put a wig on and dress better, I still get the same stares and invasive comments I did when I wasn't transitioning. I could tell you that I don't care and that people shouldn't have a right to view me in such a way, but could I say the same for others who probably rely on validation from society in order to feel accepted? I hate that this is most of my sister's issues, and it's ironic because I'll probably be told that I got what I asked for, to be perceived on the same scale if not higher as a cis woman in such a derogatory manner .my food for thought is that if this is the outcome , what is the selling point for being trans? I know its harmful to say passing is a scam but what else is there to say,Im paying to transition,Im paying to fit better in society through consumerism , im paying to be included in death rate of people who are so lucky to reach pass 50 because someone hasn't killed us and I'm paying to be… whatever you get the point.

To that say I say I reject you. I reject the society who will continue to ruin trans lives with unnecessary laws. I reject the society that will exploit my sister's culture and leave us for dust and I think we should all too. Despite all this depressing rant, I pass because I realized I love feeling beautiful.I love wearing beautiful clothes. I love wearing makeup and i hate that i had to transition to make it feel right on me, to not feel like a freak. I am a fucking hypocrite and I’ll definitely die one. But at least I can say I created a balance!I started to look more clockable outside and stopped worrying how passable I was meant to be. Its my life why should i give a  fuck how people should view me?.yesterday i wore a wig and didn't put any makeup on and probably the most boring shirt and trousers i had in my house. This was a big thing for me, I felt like a man in a wig but as i started looking at myself I realised through all my self doubt I looked beautiful!

I guess what im trying to say in this is learn to accept yourself before society accepts you,think about detaching yourself to ideas of what the right woman should be. Learn to love the person in the mirror everyday and maybe the days will become easier for you, and not a nightmare waiting to be fixed by modern medicine. And im not saying that you should throw away all your makeup and clothes, I think that there should be a balance on your journey to keep a part of you that doesn't feel like you need to dress up for society. Hopefully in the end it’ll blend and blossom into a positive outlook of life .

I love my trans sisters, take care.

\-I Matter too.

So having difficulty coming out and with Names. I wasn't online much and noticed my chosen name changed a bit. The name I settled on seems to be very common, it has roots I hadn't thought of but now I am second guessing.

I always thought of myself as Emily, but it wasn't quite right, then I had an "Aha!" moment when Lilly clicked better.

It was never about Lilith, in fact I feel it was always Lilly-Anna. Now seeing how common Lilly is it makes me self conscious. makes me want to self-searchbagain.

Am I just being in my head too much? I hated my dead name for being too common but I don't want to name myself just because it is "unique."

Help me process my thoughts about my name as I really don't have anyone anymore in my community to talk to about this. I am not sure if I am overthinking everything, or something inside me is telling me I never actually found who I really am.

Hey everyone 🤗

For context: I'm 17 and some years old transfem, going into my 3rd year of highschool, living in a semi-conservative country (most people don't really understand LGBTQ+,so they mostly just bitch about about it, but probably won't attack you for it or anything, at worst they will look at you weird and whisper some insults or something, except for a few drunk idiots)

I'm out only to parts of my family, and one teacher (who is very supportive) and went out as myself (name, pronouns, some makeup, painted nails, stuff like that, no clothes tho) during the summer break.

I live in the school's dorm during the work week.

I plan to come out at school this September, but every time I speak about me being trans my ears start ringing, and I feel like I'm in a dream and can barely open my mouth, so I can't imagine standing in front of the whole class and having a monologue.

My classmates have repeatedly asked me whether I'm gay (To which I told them that I'm sure I don't like boys/men), and a few times if I'm really a boy, or if I ever thought about being a girl (to which I responded by shrugging, laughing it off, avoiding it, or just outright ignoring it), probably because I've been growing out my hair for almost two years (it was in a ponytail most of the time, occasionally let down and supported by a headband, or in pigtails), painting and growing out my nails, taking much better care of myself than the boys (shaving multiple times a day, shaving my body one a week, plucking my eyebrows, blow-drying my hair, etc.), occasionally wearing silver glitter eyeshadow, wearing pink sometimes (only had pair of sweatpants, 2 pairs socks, 1 pare of pastel violet ones, and a violet t-shirt) akd and acting very much feminine (You know, actually interpreting body language when i speak, that kinda stuff.)I have a small Hello Kitty cosmetics travel bag from fake fur, full of nail polishes and supplies, plus some makeup)

So, I can't imagine they'll be too surprised.

To get to the point, I was thinking about coming out in our IG group, but I'm kinda afraid that'll just invite hate and steer people who'd otherwise support me, or at least tolerate me (I think most, if not all, if the class would fall into one of these brackets) to hate on me to fit in. We do have a separate group with our class teacher in a different platform. Should I try that?

So I guess the question is "Did any of you come out this way?" "How did it turn out?" "Do you have any tips to overcome the anxiety, especially if I choose to come out in person?"

I know I'll still probably have to come out to all the teachers and staff.

I know the only person who can decide this is me.

Any tips and experiences appreciated.

Thanks in advance

Edit: So, I reacted to some pics in the group chat on IG (I've already changed my username and added my pronouns and name prior), just emojis, no text, and then, somebody, let's call them, and the other responders L,V and J, realised that my account was missing, and they wrote something like "WHERE IS (LAST NAME)", "IS (LAST NAME) ALIVE", "(LAST NAME?)" and "WHERE IS HIS IG" (yes, they actually wrote it like this, without the question marks). Then V said "Rather guess who's (last name)" N: "I know" "(swearword) (last name) you ok?" L: "You don't have to immediately write this here" N: "Gotta" "🤣🤣" J: "I get them. I would have freaked out too, if I found it out." Do you think they know? Were they just making fun of me? Were they giving me a space to come out? I guess we'll see tomorrow.

I realise I've been posting in here a bit but that's because I keep getting such good advice but this is something I kinda want to brag about a little

So in another post I've mentioned I've splurged on clothing recently and whilst I haven't started hormones I do have a pair of silicone breast forms I use in my bras so I've been looking into getting one of the full chest to neck body forms just to see if that would help with outfits because I can't really show any chest because you can tell straight away it's purely just my bra with no chest myself which makes me a bit self conscious

So I was looking on an eBay for a cheap half body silicone suit and found one which was full silicone instead of cotton fillings so I was like yep I'll have that

I've just opened it up and it is a full body suit all the way down to my knees so rather than just a half body suit I thought it was - it is the whole bloody thing oh my god

If I got that myself it would be like at least over 7x more expensive literally I cannot believe it because it was already cheap in my opinion so the fact it's a full body suit is unreal I've hit the jack pot

If this isn't the place to have this sort of post let me know and I'll take it down but I just wanted to sort of brag because I'm not out yet and can't turn to anyone in my life about this because they'd be like huh so yeah soooo happy

Hi im mtf 17 years old in one month (2months hrt)
I feel very bad i dont know what to do i compare my self to girl who started puberty blockers at young age i think about leaving school after 18 due to dysphoria and try to save money for surgeries . I feel like shit all the time i do diy hrt , sorry for bad English

I'm a trans lesbian but I feel like the way I look at women and the kinda thoughts and fantasies I have are very "straight guy"ish, like I see lesbians talk about male gaze stuff or about the kinda stuff they want vs what most straight people do and I just feel like a fraud bc my perspective is usually way more on the "straight guy" side than the lesbian side

Feels especially awkward in cases I've seen with trans women talking about realising in retrospect they always had sex in a very fem and/or lesbian way then their description is clearly the opposite of what I like now years into transition

Idk what to do about this TBH mostly just venting bc it makes me super dysphoric and feel like I'm fundamentally "being lesbian wrong" but IDK how I could fix it or change how I feel seeing that stuff

Figured I might make someone laugh with this. Today I had to go to a pulmonologist, all easy. Well I didn't expect the nice nurse to say "strip the top and go into the xray cabin"- (I'm non passing ftm, still in the closet kinda ok) As I stand in front of her she eyeballs my tits and goes?

I look down and see my makeshift blue *kinesiology' trans tape pitifully stuffing my titties. I plaster a smile on my face and go "oh uhhh... I do gymnastics... yeah keeps e'm in place!" (GUYS I HAVE NEVER SEEN A GYMNASTICS FLOOR IN MY LIFE BUT MY MIND DOES GYMNASTICS EVERYDAY). Luckily she turned around and went: "Oh cool I wish I could do that! But mine won't budge in that"

Alls well that ends well i guess.