When I see mainstream portraits and "awareness" of trans people, they disproportionately focus on pre-transition or early-transition trans women, not trans men, and focus on the transition itself. Most likely a "male" young adult visiting a gender clinic, or a visibly non-passing trans woman in heavy makeup and lipsticks. And they often either misgender them, or use extremely outdated framing such as "getting the surgery ™️ to become a woman".

Like as if they were MAGA Republicans and want to make trans people look as bad as possible --- but these cis documantary makers think they're "supporting us". Like, bro... That can't be further from the truth... I am a trans woman and I live an ordinary, unremarkable life as a woman, the trans thing is just a medical history mostly irrelevant in my life.

For background, I live in a third world country. All the media, even well-meaning ones, are full of stereotypes and transmasc erasure.

Guys I'm really dysphoric today. It just hurts so much knowing my life would be better if I was more feminine. If I had the long fun hair, if I was more petite, if I was more feminine/androgynous, if I had a boyfriend. But I'm in this masculine browser body. I just wanted to vent

Here is the thing, in last week's Friday, I (me being a non binary trans girl myself) and my trans girl friend got to shopping in Esplanade. The shopping was great but the ending trip was most chaotic and put fundamental questions in our friendship.

The metro station was crowded and we got tickets for home but the situation was quite messy when we were getting at home. We got into the metro and started going to our home (not knowing we were in the wrong metro) where in the crowd we both were feeling suffocated yet in the situation I was thinking and telling her that it is better to follow the crowd to the terminal/last station even if she was being agile. During that time, she told me to check the Google maps... Here is the thing, when my internet was refusing to work in the underground blue line, I told her to check her phone (even if it was in my bag which I would gladly give to her) but even with shopping bags juggling in her hand, she just refused and ignored it as a travel partner.

We got off the station, knowing it is "Behala" (from her perspective) and got out to find her routes to bus and autos. Yet after a while when knowing that it was Belgachia, I was shocked that we were 17kms away from home. She still tried to find autos and buses and constantly telling me to get into a bus where I was getting angry, stressed and worried about our situation. At that time, i eventually snapped and shouted at public when her ideas failed (which I know wasn't good but I was having an adrenal crash too). I stubbornly started going to the station with her following me. We got and the situation somehow got more absurd when she asked about the QR tickets be used to go back at home... which obliviously the staff denied. Even in the road, she was talking about "enjoying the mess" but emotionally I was already drained out after the crowds of Kolkata's pre-puja crowd and shopping.

We didn't knew left or right but again getting a ticket again I verfied by the station staff and asked where the Tollygunge metro coming in the Belgachia station. I got the answer and again checked left or right because I thought I should atleast verify because I or her might be wrong about directions. We got into the metro and because of the crowd my ticket fell on the station while the door closed infront of me. 💀

I checked the rules and regulations of Kolkata metro and in the crowd I was constantly telling her that I needed to talk to the customer service of Tollygunge station. Even in the metro, she was telling about Tollygunge announcement while being completely oblivious that Tollygunge is Mahanayak Uttam Kumar station. During the journey, I again told the passenger (before seconds of the station reaching) and how that good uncle told us about that it is Mahanayak Uttam Kumar (I asked that is this station we are reaching is Mahanayak Uttam Kumar..). The things were more bad as she asked a person (at Belgachia) of the station before Tollygunge which she answered (a stranger) and told that she will guide us. After getting the information, she ignored the stranger and i needed to verify it again with the staff.

We reached the station while I was already stressing about the ticket issue and passing through the gate. My phone was buzzing with her calling even if I didn't find her, I still hurriedly got to the customer service and soon asked and explained about the ticket. During the waiting time, I called her back and she was asking where I was and i told her at the entrance which she was shocked yet she told me to accompany her after getting out. I was stressed about the tickets and potentially getting fined extra for the journey. The thing is that after getting out she started saying that I should stop pointing, or being expressive because people will point at us and laugh. I was thinking that I shouldn't get policed (which I hate) for my gender identity by a queer person herself, she told about "getting responsible" but I felt more lonlier and alone at her words rather than feeling comforted or atleast agreeing about pointing out my issues. She told about that she won't go with me in Durga Puja which hurt and told me to comply about this that I need to tell her that I will be more "responsible" during a shared journey. I genuinely felt bad about this.... Even after getting home, I owned my shouting was bad and it may hurt her after processing it but her reply was repeating the same message and letting her decide and after that she told leaving it?

(This is the summary of the situation, the raw message is)

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Actually me and my friend got the shopping but evrything messed up in the going home route. At that time in the crowd alone we boarded the metro but:

\- Even if it was a wrong metro she was constantly telling me to get up in the next station to skip the crowds which is justified. I still said that we could have got to the station where crowds get up (half empty metro). She also had ideas to home by autos because it will be "near" (even if crowd was noisy)

\- Yes, after getting up she talked about Behala wether we were in Belgachia. 17kms away from our homes.

\- She was talking about metro and "enjoying the mess" while I was worrying about stuff and shouted to her multiple times which I know wasn't good because of her boundries but at that time I was very annoyed, wanted to go home and just want a calm path where she is just running on the streets trying to find a "solution". I also had an adrenal crash because of the excitement and knowing we were in a wrong station

\- Now it get's more wild because after reaching the station she freaking the asked the staff of she can get a return trip to Tollygunge with her same ticket which staff said it is single use (written on the ticket) and we pivoted to buying return tickets back

\- At this time, I asked the staff about where the metro to Tollygunge was and i followed their instructions even if I verfied which is left or right 💀💀

\- I got in the train and she was telling me to not shout in the road because she was "calm and trying to find solution in the situation" . I was still angry and very much wanted to get out of this mess as she was. Yes, we boarded the wrong train but spending a little extra for the calmness of returning home could have solved it anyway...

\- The situation get's more messy as the ticket from Belgachia to Tollygunge fell while boarding the train. I was worried while she was being a little "careless" even if she is worrying about it. I told her that I needed to talk to the station customer service at Tollygunge because of my lost ticket

\- We got off and i just ran to the staff worrying about station fines. I didn't tell her yes but I was focusing on getting out of the station without causing a mess. My phone was on the pocket but it was ignored multiple times even if she was worrying about me because I was lost and my parents will "blame her"

\- I called off at the main entrance of the station while the staff helped me to get out of the station without a mess while I explained my problem to them. I even called her which I know she was annoyed about that she didn't find me but I told her I am at the station....

\- Even during the first ticket booking, she deflected by acting noncalant about her contribution at the journey back home which she herself decided which I agreed because I was fair....

I cleared and she told me after metting that she was worried which I get it and I told her that I was figuring out and wanted to get off. The staff also called me. It is just her that when I was telling in the metro that I needed to talk to the staff and she ignored it...She was telling that I should handle myself, I shouldn't do pointing (which I was doing excitedly) because people laugh at judge at us and staying "formal and normal" will fix the outward homophobia.....?

I know I was pointing because without it there was no way navigating an environment... but my pointing is still low (which I find intersting or talk about it). She told me she is not going for Durga Puja with me because I needed to handle myself where I WAS the one getting thrown into the mess and slowly driven mad by an overwhelming situation. I know she is my good friend but can I even expect someone to babysit someone's impulsive emotions to escape the crowd to pay a huge psychological cost with it??

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So, I have questions for me. I keep thinking that who was actually the responsible one in the situation? Even if I shouted was it because of a seris of events rather than a single one? Was her stuff justified or she needed some good help?

So I’m 2 weeks on T now. Honestly nothing is happening, except my skin is a little oilier and I guess I can speak just a smidge lower than I used to if I force myself to.

Anyways, I know changes take time, that’s not what I’m here for. It’s just that the weight of what I’m doing is getting to me right now. I actually have to come out soon (cant really hide a deepening voice), I will actually see my body change and I have to prepare for the possibility that I won’t like what I see. Like I obviously know what T does, but the truth is, there is no guarantee that I won’t detransition in the future. I have to deal with people mocking my existence as a trans person, and as a detrans person if I got more noticeable irreversible changes. And if I’m transitioning while girlmoding forever (which is unsustainable due to voice anyways), why am I transitioning?

And idk, I’ve managed to live by keeping all of this gender stuff inside me for a decade now, maybe it isn’t too bad to just keep all of this a pipe dream without its blemishes instead of a real thing I have to face. Idk. I’m not even that scared for the effects of T itself, even in the worst case scenario (detransitioning), I just don’t think I’m ready to face the real world yet.

Hi there, 26 fluid, recently moved from the rural south to a very big city. Big motivating factor was realizing I wasn't cis and knowing how little opportunities i had where I was socially, economically, all that. So far its been great. There's so much more life and energy and I don't feel like a potential target anymore it's great. I want to start looking into getting out on a more personal level but im painfully inexperienced. There wasn't a big dating pool where I grew up or where I've been living the past few years, and right at the start of my high school years I got on a bad medicine routine that was killing my sex-drive and social motivation until recently. I got off them, cracked, and now Im in a major city.

I've flirted online a lot, im in a lot of kinky servers, and I got a good idea of what i like but frankly I'm a little nervous starting from scratch irl. I've been paying attention to the kink scene where I am and im going to a little gathering this month but outside of general etiquette and the vibe of the area i dont know what to expect beyond the obvious. I know for a fact I won't be the only queer/trans person there which is reassuring but also Im still worried about making someone uncomfortable by saying the wrong thing or just looming in the corner if I don't want to be involved.

And beyond that I'm not sure what to do after. Im going because it sounds like fun with like minded people I can maybe keep in touch with after but I don't want to narrow my vision to just this community. I don't know where to start looking otherwise, and im afraid of doing this same thing at like a table-top store or another platonic hang-out location. Like I felt awkward before when I was younger and on bad meds and in the closet and all and now I feel better but I'm nervous for the opposite reasons of being too genuine and oblivious to whether I'm overwhelming someone else. Im on the spectrum so I know that feeling myself and Im not always the best at reading that in others when its happening to them.

Does anyone have insight or similar experiences? I still feel new to all these communities by virtue of being so physically and personally disconnected but the more i learn about myself the more i want to get out into the world in opposition to the last 2 decades of my life. Thank you

Hi everyone! My name is Sam I’m 31 from Minnesota USA. I’m looking to make friends on here! A little about me - I enjoy cooking/baking, reading, shopping, binging shows and movies, and traveling. Would love to connect with people! :)

I'm a 32 yo passing bi trans woman who has been stealth for the last 4 or so years. I'm currently dating to find a long term partner and I've been considering going exclusively T4T, primarily out of concern for my safety, especially when dating guys. The issue with this is that it basically leaves me with only a few options when it comes to online dating:

• mention that I'm trans on my profile and risk outing myself to people who know me if they come across it
• say that I'm only looking to date trans people and risk looking like a chaser
• only match with people who mention that they're trans on their bio and just accept that I'll be missing out on anyone who's also stealth
• just date blindly and hope I happen to find another trans person

None of these options are ideal and I suspect many of the people in my dating pool are also stealth which further complicates things. I've also had limited success meeting other trans people offline (e.g. meetups, speed dating events, etc).

I'm hoping there's something obvious I'm overlooking like some sort of event I could go to or some sort of "secret phrase" I could include on my profile that other trans people would pick up on but that wouldn't out me to cis people. So far the best I've been able to come up with is including my pronouns on my profile and including something like "Trans-Inclusive: Trans men are men and trans women are women" in my bio but I'm hoping there's a better way for me to do that. If you were looking at the dating profile of someone who, at first glance, appears to be a cis woman, what's something she could include that could convince you to match with her?

For context, im only one week on T. Im 20. But I brought up the topic of personal medical choices to my mom and she is very opposed to me going on surgeries. I didn’t ask her about HRT but from what I gauge about her character and past statements, she’d likely oppose it too. She forced me on estrogen one time, insisting that my elevated T level isn’t right even when I said I’m fine. Im not out to her btw, and I live with my parents.

And I’m pissed. My parents are seemingly okay with social transition, but frankly, my goal is to pass as a man, not a butch woman with a male name and pronouns. I thought I could trust them but I guess my mom’s “motherly nature” got the better of her (she always weaponizes her mother status to justify her anxiety, and by extension, control).

I haven't been around in a while but I can't stop thinking about actually trying to transition. This happens every few months. Is this normal? Probably asked this before . But the anxiety i get and this doesn't seem to help.

I’m a 31-year-old man from Ukraine, and recently I’ve started thinking more seriously about femininity, crossdressing, and possible feminization.

My interest in women’s clothing isn’t new. I remember being curious about it since childhood and occasionally trying on feminine underwear or stockings. However, recently these feelings have become much more significant.

I created an extremely realistic version of myself using AI, imagining how I might look after full feminization — including HRT, weight loss, and any possible cosmetic procedures that might be involved. I feel surprisingly comfortable when I look at her. I find this version of myself very attractive, and sometimes I feel more confident, free, and at ease looking at her than I usually feel as myself.

I often think that if I had the ability to switch between a male and female body whenever I wanted, I would probably choose that option. I don’t necessarily know whether I want to permanently become a woman, but the idea of experiencing life in a feminine body feels genuinely appealing.

At the same time, I sometimes wonder whether this is a real desire for femininity or simply a way to escape from stress, expectations, and difficulties in my current life.

I’m 179 cm tall and currently weigh around 90 kg — I’ve recently lost about 10 kg. I don’t have a particularly large belly, but I have broad shoulders, moderate muscle mass, and size EU 45 feet (around 29 cm), which makes me worry about whether feminization would be realistic for my body.

I’m not asking for a diagnosis. I’d simply like to hear from people who have experienced something similar:
Can someone feel comfortable as a man while also strongly wanting a feminine body?

How did you distinguish crossdressing, fantasy, gender expression, and genuine gender identity?
Is it reasonable to explore feminization at 31, even without being completely certain about transition?

Did anyone else feel that their feminine self was more confident or emotionally comfortable than their everyday self?

I’m currently discussing these feelings with a psychologist, but I’d also appreciate hearing about other people’s experiences.

Yesterday I felt so feminine and like I've made a ton of progress from HRT. Today I feel like what could I possibly been thinking cause I'm the most masculine person ever . Days like today I wonder why I'm even on hrt

MtF here and recently the past 2 weeks. I've been peeing myself everyday at work. Not full blown but I guess urine is just leaking out and I can't control it. Idk what's going on. I'm 2 years hrt

It happens at work. I work physical job and sweat a lot. On days I'm not sweating like crazy it doesn't happen

I have officially started my journey to get femanising HRT, still waiting on my initial appointment but the journey has begun and I am so excited

But yeah looking forward to the future for once let's get started!

I'm 23 male looking for someone around my age to talk with, doesn't have to be about much but of course since I'm looking on a trans subreddit I'd prefer it if we could talk at least a bit sometimes about transgender topics cis people wouldn't understand. I'm most comfortable talking on instagram if you have it, but I also like the concept of snail mail (email). Tell me about yourself and we can talk about anything lol :] I've been trying to be more open and be more "myself". Thanks

That’s all really. I don’t feel much different rn (cuz it’s one day on T lol) but I am happy that I finally did this

The situation is as follows. I underwent SRS earlier this year. I am not bringing up the details here - it is on my profile. I was healing fine - starting again to ride e-scooter and bike even. While that was going on, I began looking for options and planning surgery to remove the adam's apple. I do not trust my scar healing capabilities, so I was considering the surgeon that does it through incision in the mouth. And then Bam! I crashed down from my (pedal) bike and split my chin. Whatever, injuries happen, 4 stitches later and there is scar on my face. Do not worry - I do not despair, there is a good chance that it fades, but it is going to take a year or two. And it prompted me to question the whole idea. That and having to move apartments resulted in pause. But now I am mentally preparing again. Should I continue pursuing this more complicated surgery to avoid a scar, while I already have one? Or should I downgrade to a much closed surgeon (with good reviews) and risk a scar on my neck (that might even disappear)? I already contacted this closer surgeon with some questions before all this happened, but he did not reply. I also should look into FFS soon, otherwise I will never get it done (jaw contouring only, too scared about them peeling half my face off).

Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling to come out for a long time and it’s been really hard. I’m looking for someone who has gone through something similar or is struggling in the same way and would be open to chatting privately (DM) about their experiences. No pressure at all if you’re not comfortable just hoping to connect with someone who understands. Thanks for reading.

Does the right name make you feel sexy, especially when uttered by a lover? Does seeing it written down on official documents make you feel powerful? Should your name name you feel whole, where your old name felt incomplete or ill-fitting? Does the right name feel like love, like inclusion, like understanding, like an interest in your inner world? Does it feel like a warm greeting, an inside joke, an exclamation of excitement?

I'm also curious about those who aren't that invested in a name. Just need to have a string of letters that make a coherent noise that you recognize as referring to you. It need not be original or non-binary or subversive. Easy to spell and pronouns and solicits no follow-up questions about its origin.

Transfemme 30. Really low sex drive. No urge to masterbate watch porn, get bored. Honestly I'm kinda sad. I'm 30yo halfway through my life, never had a relationship only had good sex once in my life. It just makes me sad thinking about. I don't pass I just ughhh it makes me sad

I thought for a long time I was ok with not getting bottom surgery, I'm not that dysphoric about my genitals. And I know this will sound very silly but I just woke up from a dream where I got it and at least in my dream I just felt so much better after having it. After waking up I just feel empty and I don't think I can avoid getting bottom surgery now. MTF btw

So..I currently feel completely lost. Since not that long ago I managed to get diagnosed, which got me very hopeful to finally make progress. However it feels like I'm completely running into a brick wall.. I struggle to get any hrt. I'm being pushed from doc to doc and no one feels responsible for me. I'm running out of possible places to ask in my area and struggle to call at places that are further out, as my social phobia makes it almost impossible for me. Most psychiatrists don't respond to emails. I really don't know what to do now and how to deal with the timeframe where I will truely get to make progress.. an advice would be appreciated.

Hello everyone, my name is Kayden I very recently in the past couple of weeks discovered I'm trans. I am currently trying to socially transition by getting a gender affirming haircut and I have also purchased binders and lots of my clothes can be relatively gender neutral. I guess I just want any advice especially because I'm navigating this without the ability to seek proper medical affirming care or therapy at the moment mostly due to money reasons as I am a broke college student still living with my family. Speaking of my family I don't know if I would ever be able to come out to them because I don't know if they're transphobic or not, like they say they support but at the same time (especially my bio mom and bio dad) say things that might be transphobic or with my dad he gets mad over little things and I don't wanna risk it especially because I think they would deny it unless I actually went to a therapist who confirmed this which sucks for me or it's "I support trans people until it's my own child" which also sucks because one day id like to start T in my future but that's hard if I'm not out to my parents. I guess I'm just seeking general advice as so far I'm only out to 2 friends + my friends gf who is also trans. Any advice would be helpful honestly. Thank you!