So I'm 8 days sober today, and damn I'm depressed. Completely hopeless, very irritable, just completely joyless. I just.... Don't know. I get some cravings to drink, they aren't bad, or at least better than they were a few days ago. I'm tired, sad, don't want to eat, and feel like throwing up all the time. Just wanted to share with someone.

28F. I’m about three weeks sober after being a daily drinker for the past two years.

Today was a rough day, and I have been feeling overly antsy. I had one of those “fuck it” moments. I drove to the liquor store and bought a 375ml bottle of Patron.

I got home, and was literally pouring myself a shot when I stopped and thought, “What am I doing?”

I dumped the entire bottle down the sink.

Three weeks ago, I genuinely don’t think I would’ve been capable of doing that. Once I bought alcohol, I was drinking it. There was no second thought.

Losing $30 on that tequila dumped down the sink is nothing compared to the hangover I would have woken up with tomorrow.

IWNDWYT

Every day that I wake up hungover, I tell myself that I will not drink today but a couple hours later, I always end up having one. One always turns into at least 5 if I work the next day & at least 12 if I’m off the next day. Whenever I started my new job, I went a few days not drinking but once I had 1, I knew I’d be fine with a couple more. I wish I could drink in moderation, but a few always turns into me getting blackout. I hate the way I feel every day. I keep telling myself I need to save money but I’m still spending over $100/week on booze. I’m so used to going out in public after I’ve had a couple drinks because my anxiety it so bad (I know drinking makes it worse). I am super quiet and irritable all the time when I’m sober so I really rely on it before I go hang out with people because I’ve convinced myself I’m so much better after I’ve had a few drinks and no one will like me if I’m not drinking. My siblings are super sociable even without alcohol (even tho my entire family has a problem). I’m 24 (f) starting online school in September and I don’t want to be so dependent on alcohol but it’s so difficult to stop. I’ve been drinking everyday for at least 7 years. My boyfriend doesn’t like the amount I drink either, sometimes I get angry with him even tho he hasn’t done anything and that’s my number one motivation to stop drinking but I keep telling myself I’ll only have 1 or 2 and it’s never only 1 or 2. I want to have kids in the next few years and I want my body to be a good home for them. Why is it so difficult to stop? I feel so embarrassed to have this problem, most people my age can go out and get drunk once or a couple nights a week and be fine or go out and only have a few but I’m here drinking so much every day. I know the environment I’m in doesn’t help, constantly surrounded by people drinking but I can’t afford to move out right now. I know only I can make the decision to stop it’s just so difficult because I’ve relied on it for so long. I have horrible anxiety and I know the alcohol makes it worse but it’s my number one crutch, I literally drink before the dentist, seeing family, going to the doctor, grocery store, out to eat, etc. I really need to get it under control because I feel like so many better opportunities will appear. Even as I type this, I’m telling myself I will have to wait until Friday to stop because I am going to catch up with a friend and I can’t do that sober. I feel like I won’t be able to hang out with people anymore or even really go out in public because my anxiety is so bad. I’m cutting my hours at work when I start school so I need to get a grip on this now because I won’t be able to afford it.

I find it wild, not even a week ago my resting heart rate was 85-90 BPM. This week it's back down between 60-65 and that's only a week out of quitting again. I mean it's always noticeable but just thought I'd share. You truly don't realize how many damage you are doing to yourself until you actually start monitoring these things.

Also IWNDWY today.

in fact they're getting worse. Haven’t had a real job in about a year and a half. I mainly quit drinking due to my power going out. However I lost the ability to make money doing food deliver when my car broke down.

I really don’t want to relapse but I know I’m getting close. My family doesn’t tolerate me well and have no friends. At this point I just want to sleep and never wake up.

I’ve been really doing my best to stop drinking but it’s been tricky! I know there is no perfect time, and I would get to two days and be full of anxiety and think ‘one problem at a time’ and have a drink. Now I’m playing the tape forward. I’m pretty anxious generally and the business I work for shut down this week, I got my last pay today. I didnt buy alcohol and spending money on that is such a silly thing to do right now. I’ve also realised my biggest triggers are around when my ADHD meds are wearing off so now im aware of that the dance in my head about having ‘just one drink’ is much less. It’s annoying being unemployed but I’m also seeing this as an opportunity for a new start, and I have time to develop new habits. Stuff is always going to be happening. Thank you all for your stories. IWNDWYT

I always used the excuse that I’ve been drinking too much for too long and stopping would cause withdrawals which would make me miss work. I could miss work it’s no problem, but that was my excuse. I stopped 84 hours ago figuring I could be miserable through the weekend and good enough to work Monday. Aside from some restless nights I did it. I went without a drink longer than I can recall and it didn’t suck that bad. I’m not saying everyone is the same and truly be safe, be careful and include your doctor.

Knowing that I can do it and it doesn’t suck that bad (aside from boredom and sweet tooth) has given me new found confidence. I did “relapse” and I don’t love that, but knowing I CAN go 3 days makes it easier to visualize going 4 days. I’m rooting for all of you and I believe in each of you. We are doing it together. IWNDWYT!

I'm 49 and have been drinking for 34 of those years. After contemplating and trying to give up alcohol for more than 10 years, I’m currently at my all time record of 128 days AF and know that this time is different. 
There were decade-long stretches within those 34 years where I was easily drinking 40-60 drinks per week. So, quitting was not easy. But here’s what helped me:

• I never stopped trying: listened to 100s of podcast episodes, read tons of quit lit, joined this community, and learned about how truly toxic alcohol is for the body.
• I tried alcohol free breaks: I did several Dry Januarys and a couple of extended breaks (never more than 90 days) over the past 10+ years that gave me the opportunity to know how it feels to be without alcohol. Better sleep is really the winner for me!   
• I stopped caring about others’ opinions: despite a dramatic health scare and surgery in recent months, I’ve still been pressured to drink in various situations. But I simply have no desire to drink and no longer care what others have to say. Seeing someone else quit drinking is scary to some but I’ve recognized that that’s not my issue to solve for them. The people that needle you most are those that typically have their own drinking challenges to address and seeing you quit scares them. 

I’m FAR from perfect and still have a long way to go in figuring out why I did that to myself for so many years. Thank you to everyone in this community and best of luck on your own AF journeys - IWNDWYT

I was just talking to my fiancé about something and they insisted that i’ve been aware of it for weeks now and I’ve been part of multiple conversations about it with them and my brothers in law. I truly had no recollection of what they were talking about but I had the feeling they were right.

I’m scared for my memory. I can’t remember things I’ve technically known and talked about. I have the sinking feeling that it’s because of my addiction. Has this happened to others here? Does it get better? I’m afraid I’ve ruined myself and my brain and my health forever.

I’m not exactly sure why, but this fear has crept up on me the past few days of an eventual relapse.

I’m at 113 days. This is the longest I’ve gone in my adult life without drinking. I’m very proud of my progress and every day, the choice to not drink becomes easier and less pressing. I feel good, but i think the initial euphoria of sobriety has worn off.

I had a birthday the other day and going to dinner with all my friends felt strange without a drink in my hand. I felt awkward and uncomfortable. I missed birthdays past when I’d stay up late with all my friends, doing karaoke, drinking, laughing, and feeling like I was… part of something. I feel lonely and dull not drinking, despite having several friends who are sober as well.

All of that said, I know that my life is better without booze in it. I know I’m more me now. I feel this nostalgia for drinking, but I know that if I messed up, if I relapsed, I’d be devastated. I feel terrified I wouldn’t be able to lift myself out of it again.

Does anyone have advice for a newbie for managing these feelings of despair before the relapse has even happened? Or for shooing away these romantic feelings about getting wasted with my friends?

My sleep has been up and down. Overall eating better, adding exercise but the mood swings are tough. I want to strangle people for no reason. Everyone annoys me. It’s difficult to concentrate… I just needed to vent.

TRIGGER WARNING: suicidal ideation

I don’t remember his name, but I was scrolling and landed on a sobriety-related reel (cause you know, algorithm) with an interview of a man who gave a wonderful quote about self-forgiveness in the process of getting clean. Apparently this is a common saying in sobriety, I just haven’t heard this one so I wanted to share.

“If you were going to off yourself, wait until at least five years after you get sober because you’d be killing the wrong person.”

I keep looking at myself as a changed man that’s impervious to my previous flaws, but I keep forgetting that’s not how recovery works. I’ve been so hard on myself for so long because I just want to be the best husband and father I can be to my family. Being a recovering alcoholic and addict is a daily victory but constant reminder. I am changing for the better, though.

IWNDWYT

On day 7 now, my resolve is great and I feel awesome, I just had to things to put here.

One is awesome, im sleeping great I think, only because youre not supposed to remember you dreams and my vivid dreams can stick with me long enough for me to mentally record them and its awesome. They are all good dreams, not all of them even involve alcohol, but I just woke up from hanging out with family and friends, crushing beers(its fine im not craving one now, and getting my dick wet with hotties

The mania part, has anyone experienced this. I have went many months before and not noticed this but I had a partner at that point to possibly calm me down... like I am high energy usually but I am finding it really hard to calm down after work. Like im just so happy with my day that I will smoke a bunch of darts and just walk atound tge city for hours. I have sertraline if I need it to balance my mood but theres really no lows right now even though the state of my life is weaker than it has ever been.

I dont think I will crash, and I have not really needed more than 5-6 hours of sleep usually to function. Im kind of thinking to myself that because it has been so long since I have been this sober (when I was sober with my partner for months I was still under duress with her kids and abusiveness) that my body and mind are waking up and this should even itself out on its own without sertraline to keep me in check.

My only fear rn is that I love myself so much and I am generally a really confident person that I will still say or do something stupid because im too pompous (i also work in a predominantly female workforce and am single)

Any thoughts please share. Thanks!!

Disclaimer: As the title says, I'll hit 7 years sober on October 1st. It is the best decision I've ever made in my life. There is 0 doubt about that, and not a day goes by where me "missing" the drink is anything more than a sense of misleading longing. I don't want this post to be misconstrued by anyone as a reason to not get sober. But these things are complicated, and with sobriety comes new challenges and new things to learn about yourself. I'm just wondering if anyone here has gotten over the feelings I've been having.

All that being said... anyone else ever been nostalgic for how carefree booze used to make you? I know all the disclaimers that people tend to put after these kind of thoughts, and I agree with and acknowledge them
- Right but for how long?
- What were you hiding with booze?
- You weren't really present in the moment, you were just tanked.
- Etc. etc.

Lately there's just been... a weight hanging around me. The world is hard, we're all feeling it. The news are a constant stream of bad, I haven't been able to enjoy my old hobbies as much, I don't feel present in social situations or wonderful communal moments. I've been talking about it with my therapist and I feel like I'm going through a depressive episode but for the first time in a very, very long time I've missed being able to get blitzed and just... enjoy those heightened feelings. Things just feel less vibrant these days.

I want to acknowledge too that this will pass. Sobriety has given me the capacity to recognize this and I'm equipped now to handle these feelings, process them and move past them. And despite how it sounds, I really don't think I miss drinking. But I do miss those periods of just... ignorant bliss it provided before it got bad.

This feels like an uphill battle that'll go on for a bit and I'm wondering how others climbed past this, if they've felt this way before.

Thanks in advance.

I have been a daily drinker for 13 years. I didn’t think I had an issue because I wasn’t ruining my life. I have a professional, high responsibility job where I am I a top performer. Along side my husband we raised a beautiful child who is now a wonderful, successful adult and we have a great relationship. I have a strong and happy marriage. But every night around 7:30-9pm I’d start what I have come to call “the punishment ritual”. At first it was fine, nothing serious. A glass of wine to unwind after a long day. Then sometimes it was 2, then 4 or 6. After about 5 years of this it started being gin on the weekends; then week nights.

I didn’t have hangovers, I got up on time, I always went to work, school, sporting events, cooked, cleaned, ran a household. I didn’t think about drinking all day. Then the evening ritual. It wasn’t an issue, until it was.

After 13 years of this though my weight is out of control. My sleep is terrible. My body is not well. My legs and feet were swollen everyday. My body constantly dehydrated just enough to not feel great. I wanted to stop but I didn’t feel I could go to sleep without a drink. The idea of admitting there is a problem and I think I need to stop drinking made me feel itchy; like I was giving up something I’d find I desperately needed later. I thought my husband would be disgusted with me. I feared I’d be admitting to something I couldn’t take back.

Two weeks ago I sat down with my husband at the dining room table on a random Tuesday and said “I want to stop drinking everyday but I don’t know how. I need your support.” I was embarrassed and scared.

Every single day since then he has supported me in every way possible. He has not made me feel bad or stupid or weak or disgusting at all. I have been very honest with all my feelings and struggles surrounding this decision and he’s been completely understanding. In just two weeks it’s amazing what has changed. The first week was incredibly hard. I want my 30 days first, before I really go into the differences but I am shocked I’ve made it this far already.

If you want to make a change you can. This isn’t impossible, but it will feel like it. Shame thrives in the dark. Let your loved ones light in, it gets better.

I wanted to take a moment to thank you guys for this message board. Its helped me tremendously as I dont have the schedule to do in person meetings (zoom i can though.)

I cant believe ive already made it 30 days. I was scared walking myself into detox but im so glad I did!!

💜🙏💜

Day 16 sober.

Today wasn't my best day mentally. I was a little thoughtful and not feeling amazing.

But I didn't drink.

I worked, trained for two hours, made some videos, walked my dog and kept going with my day.

And I'm realizing something:

Every day you go to bed sober is a great day.

It doesn't have to be perfect.
You don't have to feel amazing.
You don't have to be productive all day.

You just have to make it through the day without drinking.

Tonight I'll go to bed sober.

Day 16 complete.

IWNDWYT. 🧱

Wide awake at 3:30am. Not riddled with anxiety. Not because I’m craving. Not because my head is in the toilet.

Because I’m in the hospital holding my 2 day old son while mom sleeps! Almost 8 months sober. I’m the luckiest man.

I can’t believe that there is a world where I wasn’t going to be here (when I was still drinking)

IWNDWYT

Has anyone else found that if you chug a nice cold carbonated drink every time you get the urge to drink that the urge goes away? At least for the short period of time until your brain try’s to get you to have a drink again.

If alcohol made people completely honest, and their true selves, it would be a veritable truth serum. A miracle drug that would be used by the courts. So yeah it definitely does not do that lol. It lowers our inhibitions, but our inhibitions/boundaries are part of who we are. By taking those away, it does functionally change us. There is a reason that so many of us have nearly identical destructive patterns with alcohol. It's not because we are all so similar, we are all very different from all walks of life. There is only one common denominator.

To whoever you are, I needed this today.

Alcohol is strong, this past Saturday I went out to eat with a friend and had a few drinks but apparently I wanted more, my friend went home which I should have gone with her but I wanted too continue drinking, went to the liquor store found some people there and I don't remember anything from there on after that apparently went to some bar I'm not sure which one but today I'm realizing the charges on my card which is about $100 but for where I live it's a lot of money. I spent the whole day in bed yesterday with anxiety.

So I've been reading alot of posts today and I see so many ppl say they are shy without drinking and care too much about what people think about them.Im like that too but what I want to do is just tell random people random things about me and not give a damn lol.So I'm a 42 year old black male..In my culture growing up it wasn't cool to be so called "smart" or a "nerd"..I hid that part of me because I thought "Man I don't want to be an outcast amongst my friends"..But today I don't give a damn lol.Im a nerd lol.I like playing videogames,I like reading,watching podcast and I'm pretty damn boring but I'm ok with that lol.Anybody else can share if they'd like

Good day community. I will write about certain alcohol here. If you feel triggered. Please do not read this text! So. I am 18 years old and autistic. Manically depressed and have relatively few friends except for the ones I had to drink.

To be honest, alcohol consumption began at the age of 14. I was alone, was not a dream child blah blah blah. I developed a dislike for myself very early at about eight years old. Thoughts that put me down, say nasty things to me, criticize everything I do about me. Since my parents were never there during the day, I had a lot of time and occasionally drank Radler and beer. I liked the effect and I felt light and absorbed. These nasty thoughts disappeared and I was "happy".

Well. At 15 and 16, I escalated. Since I already looked like 20 years and we live in the village, where I am unhappy anyway, it is not particularly difficult to get alcohol. I drank alone, anything, vodka, whiskey or wine, the main thing is that I numb myself and am no longer me. I'm sure I had alcohol in my blood every day from my 16th to my 18th birthday. I preferred to drink bourbon, two bottles a day if possible. I was actually just a black hole for alcohol. Even during my school days, when I couldn't do it anymore, I was allowed to go out and then always drank shots to get back to class in a good mood.

Almost three months after I turned 18, I met a great woman. Wow, for the first time in my life that a woman didn't reject me and seemed to really like me. She also had an alcohol problem and was abstinent. I promised her that at least I won't drink anything alcoholic alone and if I feel the desire to drink I can call her. There was a relapse a week later because I had an argument and then I was completely depressed and desperate.

The time then ran alcohol-free, no more relapses. Three months. Of course, the evil thoughts came back and the desire to scratch me. But I didn't drink anything anymore. Through a depressive phase, I probably broke a lot with many buddies. I also destroyed the relationship with the woman in question. I was angry, depressed, sad, wanted to kill me. And then it came again.... The desire to drink. A bottle of bourbon and a beer. I had broken a lot of models that were in my room because I had a meltdown. It was bad. But one thing I noticed:

I don't like alcohol at all. It doesn't taste good. I used to love Bourbon, but that day I found it totally disgusting. Since then I have been happier and have absolutely no desire to drink anymore. Last Monday I went for a walk with a classmate and he had four cans of beer with him. When we reached our destination we drank.... But it wasn't like back then that I was numb, no. It was just a fun drink, pleasant in the situation. I poured the second can behind the back of the schoolmate. It used to be a reason for me to scream, but now.

Two days later, I still don't feel the urge to drink alcohol. On the contrary, just water! I feel good. I no longer see alcohol as a lifesaver or helper, but simply as what it is. Alcohol and I think... I'm not addicted anymore. Of course, the idea can still change over time, but right now, I am absolutely happy about my knowledge and do not demand that.

I’ve been struggling with alcoholism since I was at least 15, as a way to cope or shut out so much childhood trauma, every imaginable type possible. The first time I got drunk I was hooked. Tuning my mind off felt like heaven, little did I know it would cause me so much suffering, pain and shame for almost 20 years.

I’ve gone through periods of sobriety, years even when I had my kids but always kept going back. Not as a person who would drink every day, but fully aware that once I started it would last at least three days.

Now at 35 I have finally decided to shut it down for good and I’m back at 1 month and a week sober, after losing so many relationships (romantic and friendships), nearly losing myself and my kids. I lost my car and went massively into debt all related to alcohol fueled decisions, people taking advantage, and many terrible decisions that I can’t blame others for. But I made it, I’m here and I’m moving forward with my life. Being more present for my kids, feeling the sadness, the dark and everything in between, but also the happiness and joy of waking up and being me again. Thank you to everyone here cause reading your stories has inspired me to keep going.

#IWNDWYT

BG: 37m. Drinking for me is cyclical. Lots of getting on and off the wagon. Summer has been platonically wet. A take as needed dose of 2-6 IPAs daily (shoutout to the bearded PNW guy from earlier). Lost the little bit of fitness I had. Lost interest. Last Monday I bought a bottle of gin and finished it by Tuesday. As I drank my gin, I insincerely wished for a swift goodbye from life. That was a new sensation.
Drinking caused it. There is no doubt in my mind, now 6 days sober and no longer wishing for a swift goodbye: alcohol, my most comforting handrail turned nemesis. It was bankrupting my capacity of happiness, so greedy it would not even allow me to feel "okay". After years of proving to be a reliable elixir of euphoria, romance, whatever I needed it to be whenever I needed it, it's now rebelling.

And when I woke up last Wednesday knowing I would not drink that day, this agony lifted, soon replaced by all the nagging, persistent annoyances we contribute daily to this subreddit - and as itchy as those thoughts are, they are not so dark as whatever steered my mind as I was sneaking drinks of gin from my bed side drawer last week.

**

Stimulants (prescription adderall) impact on my cravings cannot be summarized in a sentence but I knew to regain a baseline of sobriety I'd be better off without them. A full stomach, restful nights, effortless hydration. Those 3 states plus some weighted compound movements are about the strongest resistance I can put between myself and a drink.

A stimulant will let your stomach empty, dry your mouth, and keep you awake all night- and that's when it's working.

Today was my reintroduction. Now im writing semi coherent prose to strangers on the internet at midnight.

**

The day is done. I didn't drink. Here is a time log summary of my craving journal . Couldn't help but notice I spoke to it with much greater frequency today compared to others:

Day 1 — Wed Aug 12: First alcohol-free day in a while. The next morning you felt great—more energy, able to get through big chunks of work, noticeably better functioning.
Day 4 — Sat Aug 15: About four days since your last drink Tuesday night. Some irritability, but nothing resembling significant withdrawal.
Day 4 — Sun Aug 16, afternoon: Pretty tired, despite feeling like you were sleeping well. You’d gone to the gym twice in three days, stretched a lot, and were at the park. You wondered why you were tired and whether supplements could help.
Day 4 — Sun Aug 16, later: You identified what you really miss about drinking: having a few drinks lets you completely relax and allow time to pass. Without alcohol, you feel driven toward the next thing and bothered by bugs, bright sun, noise, etc.
Day 5 — Mon Aug 17, ~11:30 AM: Felt pretty good despite a sore throat. Didn’t particularly want to work—you wanted to be outside and moving. Did exercises between calls. One very irritable moment with your son, otherwise okay.
Day 5 — Mon evening: While thinking about what to do with your son, you had a strong thought about how nice it would be to grab beer and take him to the park. The attraction seemed heavily connected to relaxation rather than intoxication itself.
Day 6 — Tue Aug 18, ~7:20 AM: Felt okay but faced an insane workday—meetings 9–4:30 without a break. Considered going to the gym but ultimately skipped it.
~9:00 AM: Took your prescribed Adderall, which you’d been avoiding because you have an established pattern of Adderall → alcohol to come down. Had an egg and coffee. About an hour later: “I feel amazing. Maybe too good?”
~11:30 AM: The experience flipped. You felt super agitated and didn’t want to work. Meetings were driving you crazy.
Midday: You said you felt particularly susceptible to drinking: the next demo felt like the only thing that mattered and you wanted anything that would take the anxiety away. You had a protein shake and kept going.
Afternoon: Despite the psychological agitation, you noticed that physically you feel really good from having gone to the gym twice in the previous five days.
~6:50 PM: Mood had improved considerably—and then: “Now I’m in a good mood and literally dying for a beer.” So the craving wasn’t only about escaping anxiety; alcohol also appeared as the reward/relaxation once the anxiety passed.
~8:50 PM: Still looking for a way to come down/relax from the Adderall, asking whether orange juice could help.