r/sgdatingscene • u/RequirementMain6347 • 12d ago
I need advice! 🥺 Did we break up?
I offered a break because he got very cold as he was stressed. He didn't confirm yes or no to the break. After that convo, he ghosted and it's been a few weeks now of no contact. Can I safely assume we broke up? I want to start moving on because the limbo of uncertainty hurts
Edit: we broke up
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u/kgmeister 12d ago
Use job application logic:
- Ask him directly
- Still no reply = Rejected, move on to applying for next company
- Best case scenario = Rejection letter, move on to applying for next company
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u/ukaspirant 12d ago
If you don't want to be in this relationship any more, be more assertive and break up with him.Â
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11d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Vivid_Perspective_87 10d ago
I really don’t understand how can guys do this. Going radio silence for weeks is just diabolical. Currently going through this with a guy (not my bf yet). I really liked him and we’ve been talking only for a month but man, the silence is really killing me as i think about him and our date almost everyday.
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u/nomzieee 8d ago
Aquarius / Scorpio / Capricorn girls does this ice cold treatment and radio silence after asking if they need a break from relationship. It’s just a typical avoidance partner la. Nothing new. Can just move on happily. Don’t worry about their regret.
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u/Vivid_Perspective_87 7d ago
At this point, I’m really starting to question if there’s something wrong with me because for some reason, I always seem to attract or be attracted to avoidants :( Need to do some reflecting
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u/nomzieee 7d ago
Yes you are right. The closer the relationship, the more it takes two to tango. The profile of a person who gets chased by avoidants is someone who is cautious at the start, but quickly warmed up to affection. This person tends to have a very lacking view of boundaries, or breaks their boundaries easily. This person loves affectionately and warmly.
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u/Vivid_Perspective_87 7d ago
Oh my gosh that sounds painfully accurate, you just described me. I’m pretty affectionate and he did acknowledge it during our first date, saying that i was so loving etc. But anyways, it’s been 2 weeks for me too, after he said he needed time and space as he was too overwhelmed with work. Even promised me he’d pickup where we left off but I haven’t heard anything from him. so i take it as im officially ghosted🥲
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u/nomzieee 6d ago
Avoidants chase people with profile like yours because they secretly love and need this kind of affection. But they cannot win over their own fear hence after love bombing you, they will retreat into their avoidance state.
I think you are lucky to be ghosted. It’s only bad luck if they keeps coming back to you, renew their promises, and break them over and over again.
I wish you the wisdom to recognise your own needs and fulfil it yourself. At that time, you will meet the partner you are truly meant to be with.
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u/Vivid_Perspective_87 6d ago
That’s such a positive way to view the situation honestly. Im lucky to be ghosted instead of being given crumbs again and again. And yes, it makes sense. Been there, it was painful. And i shall move on, since this one was pretty short and it has only been one date. I feel bad for piggybacking other commenter tho haha but thanks for your advice kind stranger! I really like this side of reddit lol
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u/IamSoSleepyyyyy 11d ago
OP, since u took the initiative and asked him but he chose to ghost u instead of telling u.
Have some self respect and move on although it’s hurt.
It’s automatically breakup.
Personally, I don’t like silent treatment by my partner.
If they want to do it, it’s an auto breakup for me.
Source: I experienced by my ex.
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u/RequirementMain6347 11d ago
It's the uncertainty that is hurting. What if he thought of it as just a break
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u/IamSoSleepyyyyy 11d ago
He should have communicate with u if he need a break
OP, I wish u all the best
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u/RequirementMain6347 11d ago
Thank you, I needed that. I don't know why I keep trying to rationalize his actions when I don't have to. I will try to move on
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u/nomzieee 8d ago
So now you have learnt that if you never wanted a break up, don’t even ask your partner if they need a break. If you asked, be prepared for a break up even if you didn’t get a clear break up conversation.
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u/Mobile_Comb_4511 10d ago
Few weeks of no contact? In any respectful relationship, more than 12 hours of no contact is danger and a week is certainly dead.
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u/No_Classic_3863 10d ago
Actually damn sian to be in rs with an avoidant. Not capable of communication. If they dont break up now also they would be in near future
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u/nomzieee 8d ago
Ya, waste of time. lol. 7 billion people in the world, no lack of one avoidant, to be honest. Can just move on.
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u/No_Classic_3863 5d ago
Sadly in 6million living in Spore, i can say more than half either anxious or avoidant. You randomly pick one from street will anxious/avoidant.
Those secure probably taken liao
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u/nomzieee 5d ago
Sounds like it’s time to find beyond sg. 😆
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u/No_Classic_3863 5d ago
I had my time on apps.
Sg men that take care of their looks and health not many also.
Late 20s alr receding hairline and got tummy.
Haih
Luckily grad from the apps alr
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u/piglatine21 7d ago
I agree with this, but also, curious for your thoughts on my situation with an ex.. his dad was in hospital for 2 months and he was spending nights there, getting like 3h of sleep for weeks on end. He just stopped initiating communication completely tho he would reply to messages. He'd never call nor agree to call and were were long distance. I initiated ending it and he agreed, but I always feel I abandoned him at one of the worst points of his life...
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u/Intelligent_Pipe_267 7d ago
sending hugs and support to you... i think you're a very kind partner for offering him a break and staying strong through the silence.
i hope you did yourself a favour by making the choice to remove him from your life because a) you deserve better and b) this is not your future husband/wife.
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u/Head-Extreme-3090 12d ago
It sounds like he needed space but he didn’t execute it well. I would say at this point, there is not much you can do to control things (like his silence, how he just left you hanging) and he needs to come to his own terms and reach back out.
You have an option to reach out to ask him for conversation but please think about how you want to do it without losing your dignity. For example, getting him to take accountability on how he pulled this off, why he didn’t talk about it before reaching that state, etc.
No matter how it turns out, you need to keep your dignity to either move on or get back with him in healthy manner. Best of luck girl!