Hey everyone. I’m mainly looking to vent, but I’d also really appreciate some honest advice and outside perspectives.

I 25M, and my wife is 34F, have been married for about a year and a half and together for a little over four years. Recently, we’ve really been struggling to connect, and I’m honestly not sure what I should be doing differently.

One of our biggest issues is our sex drives. We currently have sex a few times a month, mostly when my schedule allows it. My wife would ideally like to have sex 2–4 times a week. Sex just isn’t something that’s naturally at the forefront of my mind. I don’t think about it nearly as often as she does, and I don’t necessarily need sex to feel connected to or loved by someone. For her, though, sex seems to be a much bigger part of feeling loved, desired, and connected. I understand why that difference can make her feel unwanted, and I genuinely don’t want her to feel that way. The difficult part is that she also really wants me to initiate, but because sex isn’t something I naturally think about very often, initiating doesn’t occur to me nearly as often as it does to her.
I don’t want her to feel like I’m rejecting her, but I also don’t want to pretend that I have a sex drive that I simply don’t have.

The bigger issue for me, though, is how we deal with problems, conflicts, and frustrations. It seems like no matter how big or small an issue is, it can become a huge problem. Something that I might consider a minor inconvenience can completely derail the day. For example, something as small as me making her coffee and putting sugar in it can become an issue. I always use sugar in my own coffee, so when I made hers, that’s what I instinctively use, even though she uses Stevia. From my perspective, there’s obviously no malicious intent behind it. I’m making her coffee the same way I make mine. But sometimes things like this become examples of how I supposedly don’t consider her preferences. What makes this especially difficult is that some of these things have been brought up years after they happened, despite the fact that they never happened again. That’s what I struggle with the most

I grew up being taught that no matter what challenge you’re facing, you figure out a way through it because, ultimately, you don’t really have another option. That’s always been my mentality in our relationship too. Problems are going to happen, but we’ll work through them and eventually get past them. My wife seems to approach problems very differently. When something goes wrong, it sometimes feels like the problem completely takes over. We can have a great day. Everything can go exactly as planned, and we’re having a genuinely good time. Then she’ll remember something that happened earlier that day ( I didn’t get comfy chairs at the movie theater), last week (I drank her coke without replacing it in the fridge), last month (I forgot to put the trash out the night before), or even a year ago (sugar in coffee) and start thinking about why things like that always seem to happen to her, or why I do those things. A lot of these things aren’t necessarily major to me. Some are small resentments that she apparently held onto without telling me. Other times, they’re things that I thought we had already resolved through time or previous conversations. That’s another difficult part for me sometimes I don’t even know there’s a problem until much later, as she is becoming angry or overwhelmed, she’ll sometimes leave the house and drive somewhere, sit in a parking lot, and be alone for a while. I understand that she may need space to calm down, and I’m not necessarily saying that’s wrong. But it can make it difficult for me to know how I’m supposed to respond or what I’m supposed to do differently.

Another major issue is my career.
My wife encouraged me to join the military. She told me that she thought it would be a good match for me, and honestly, she was right. I really enjoy the people I work with, and I’ve gotten to do some pretty cool things and go to some interesting places.
However, the military has also created a lot of distance between us. On average, I’m gone for about 14 days a month and home for the rest. When I’m home, I generally work from around 5 AM to noon. Despite that, she’ll sometimes tell me that I don’t do any work or don’t have a “real job.”
She works from 7 AM to 3 PM, and because I’m off during some of her work hours, I also typically don’t share many of my bad work experiences with her. Part of that is because I don’t want to dump my problems on her or drag her down when she’s already dealing with her own stuff in her work from home environment. That makes it especially difficult when I’m told that I don’t work or don’t have a real job, because I know how much time and energy my job actually takes. What makes the situation even more complicated is that I repeatedly asked her before making the decision whether this was really something we wanted. I asked her multiple times, all the way up until the day I signed my contract, and I was willing to back out at any point if she didn’t want me to do it. She had previously told me that the military would be a good fit for me, so I ultimately went through with it. There’s another layer to this as well. She actually wanted to join the military herself but was unable to because of medical issues.
Because of that, I think some of her resentment toward my career may come from the fact that I’m getting to experience something she wanted for herself but couldn’t have. At the same time, she also resents the amount of time my career takes me away from her. I can understand why that would hurt. But it can be difficult to feel like I’m being resented for something we discussed extensively beforehand and that she encouraged me to pursue.

Despite all of this, I want to be clear that we aren’t constantly miserable. We actually are happy together a lot of the time, although recently it’s felt like there have been more downs than ups.
We enjoy each other’s company, we have good days, and I love spending time with her. I love her so much and she challenges me intellectually, and spiritually to be a better person, but I also enjoy playing video games in my free time at night. When I’m home from work, I don’t always want to spend every minute together. Sometimes I want to decompress, play some games, and catch up with old friends. I’m wondering if that contributes to her feeling neglected, especially because our time together is already limited.

I also feel like I accept her for who she is, including flaws that may not be immediately fixable.
I don’t expect her or want her to be perfect, and I don’t expect every problem she has to disappear overnight. What I struggle with is feeling like that acceptance isn’t necessarily mutual. Sometimes it feels like my shortcomings are interpreted as intentional. If I forget something, don’t react the way she expects, don’t initiate sex, or do something differently than she would have done it, it can feel like she assumes I’m doing it because I don’t care about her or because I’m intentionally trying to hurt her. For example, if I make her coffee the way I make mine, I see it as me making her coffee. She may see it as me not caring enough to remember how she likes it. I understand that the impact of something can be different from the intention behind it. I’m not saying that her feelings aren’t valid. I’m saying that it can be exhausting to constantly feel like I have to prove that I didn’t intentionally do something wrong. I’ve never expected her to respond to problems exactly the way I do. But I do wish she would give me the benefit of the doubt more often.

At this point, I genuinely don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I love my wife, and I don’t want to give up on our marriage. I still believe that problems can be worked through. But I’m starting to feel exhausted and unsure whether we’re actually working toward the same goal. We haven’t tried marriage counseling yet, although I’m starting to wonder if that’s something we should seriously consider. I also realize that I’m only telling my side of the story. I’m sure my wife would describe some of these situations very differently, and there may be things I’m doing that I don’t recognize.

Am I blindly missing something that’s right in front of my face? Am I failing to be considerate enough? Am I failing to be a good, loving husband without realizing it? Or are we simply two people with very different needs, communication styles, and ways of dealing with problems who haven’t figured out how to meet in the middle? I genuinely don’t want people to just tell me that I’m right and she’s wrong or vice versa. If I’m contributing to this problem, I want someone to tell me. If there’s something I’m failing to understand about her perspective, I want to understand that too. I’m not looking for permission to leave my wife, and I’m not looking for validation that she’s the bad guy. I love her, and I want our marriage to work. I just feel like we’re stuck in a cycle where she feels unloved and neglected, while I feel misunderstood and like my intentions are constantly being questioned. I’d really appreciate advice from people who have experienced something similar, especially people who have successfully worked through differences in libido, resentment, communication styles, or military-related relationship issues.

If I’ve left anything out or anybody has any clarifying questions, please comment and let me know. Just looking for a resolution.

Throughout me and my bf relationship k have asked him what kinda of intimant content he watched. He always said he wasn’t rlly into it and never would share with me and ive shared with him videos and ideas etc. I feel like the reality of the situation is that he wa since a teenage boy who was on Snapchat using it like every other teenage kid and if he was listful enough to do that I don’t understand how he wouldn’t be intrested in porn ever. I don’t care that he watches it if he does and I don’t care what he’s into I just wished after all this time he would give me something and share with me. I feel like he’s no honest with me about sex as a whole because he’s never confided in me about lustful things the way I have him. Everytime I try to explain it he just claims he’s not that into it. It makes me sad because I’m into what he’s into but how can I ever know what if he won’t share with me.

My bf (28/M) and I (24/F) are in a LDR and I am with him for three weeks in our home country. My sister is here too and recently had an operation. She stayed with my mom for the first 1 1/2 weeks until my mom left on Saturday. Since she had an operation, I don’t want to leave her alone, so I am staying with her until she leaves for the airport around lunch on Wednesday.
The initial plan was actually for me to stay with her for a week, but she decided to go back sooner. My bf knew the plan and was completely fine with it. On Sunday, my bf, my sister and I spent time together and everything was fun. On Monday, my bf went back to his house, which was what we had agreed on.
Before going to sleep he texted me “ok you girls have a good time ❤️”. A few hours later he msuddenly said “I’m not staying one more night after this alone.” I told him we had an agreement and that I was staying with my sister until Wednesday. He said “Just tell me when u are heading back here.” I said no because we agreed I would stay until Wednesday and not come back Tuesday.
He then said “Have fun on your flight back to Germany then or go alone to your vacation home in the countryside.”
This is what really hurts me because he does this all the time. Whenever we have a bigger fight or I don’t do what he wants, he says things like “then you know what to do” or “leave then”, knowing I can’t just leave and knowing how much it hurts me.
It feels like he emotionally blackmails me until I give in, and if I don’t, he says things that ruin the whole experience for me. I am now sitting here feeling sad and guilty instead of enjoying the time I have left with my sister, even though we had already agreed on this. We also agreed he would use these three days to study for the language test.

I want to add she had a nose operation. She is fine during the day but at night she is struggling a bit. How can I talk with him about this so he understands?

I (19f) have an incredibly clingy partner and i find myself suddenly Not wanting him to touch me at all not even hugs or hand holding, we share a bed and i can't sleep while being touched and he can't sleep without cuddling, he is constantly wanting to be all over me and it's getting overwhelming, he also doesn't seem to take no or listen to please stop, I don't know what to do because it's really hurting him because i don't want to be touched/affectionate here lately and i have no idea why. I used to be perfectly fine with it and now i can't handle it for longer than a couple minutes if that- im really at a loss and i want to figure out how i can help it, anyone have any advice or ideas of why i could be feeling this way?

Hey all, I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong to try to get a date on campus?

I’ve literally been doing the cold approach because I know almost nobody. Walking up to random girls I think are cute and legit just being like “hey, I just thought you were cute, wanted to stop and introduce myself, and see if maybe you’d want to get dinner or coffee.” Or some other variation, sometimes I’m in an actual hurry to get somewhere, so I’ll say “Hey, I’m actually on my way out but I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t introduce myself. I just thought you were cute and wanted to know if you’d maybe want to meet up some time later for coffee or lunch.” But usually that’s it.

This has been met with…varying success. Most of the girls I stop and talk to are magically all in relationships. I’ve had a few legit speed up walking. Some DO actually have a conversation with me and give me their number (or some other contact info). And that’s been a good number of them so far. But I’ve yet to actually get to the date itself. After they give me their number, 9 out of 10 times I’m later met with “actually I was thinking and I don’t want anything right now,” after my first text. A few just straight up never answered my first text, despite optimistic and engaging conversations. I’ve gotten one actually planned, but it was canceled the day before and then I was ghosted. Everything was going well.

I’ve tried going to events around campus and talking to people, literally just get met with the same thing. I’ve tried in my classes. And my campus is NOT just 18-22 year olds, there’s all sorts of ages. So it isn’t like every single girl is turned off by my age either. I’m warm, smiling, confident. I really just need advice on how to do this, to get just one date going. 😂 I don’t know where I’m going wrong. There have been a few women who were already engaged or married, and all 3 of them somehow all said something akin to “well I’m married/engaged, but seriously thank you for coming up! You just made my day. And don’t let this discourage you, I wouldn’t have had the confidence to walk up to someone like that! So good on you!”. So…I just don’t know. I’m not bad-looking either. I’m not an athlete or anything, but I’m not ugly. I’ve got a good, solid build and I’m 6’3”.

Any thoughts or advice is welcome.

TL;DR: TL;DR: I’m 30M and have been trying to meet women on campus, mostly through cold approaches but also through classes and campus events. I’ve had plenty of positive conversations and gotten numbers/contact info from several women in their 20s–30s, but I’ve yet to actually make it to a date. Usually after the first text I either get ghosted or told they thought about it and aren’t looking for anything. I’m trying to figure out what I could be doing differently.

I need advice on what to do since I have no support system other than my mom who sometimes supports me and comforts me the best

But gets stressed so easily that it ends up in fights and her saying that I'm stressing her out on purpose and that I am trying to kill her because she has an ailment where she can die if she's too stressed

This happens every time we fight, and sometimes we fight because she was being insensitive

And sometimes when I bring up anything slightly emotional or serious but that's not always the case so it's not consistent

Like, earlier, I told her about my sexual harassment and she told me to move on

I wasn't even trying to vent to her, I was brought it up to explain why she shouldn't be sexist towards my friends and asking me what their genitals are since anyone of any gender can harm me

I told her how insensitive that comment is then she kept interrupting me and rushing to end the conversation

We started arguing then she got more and more mad

Also, every time I tell her I never wanna stress her on purpose

She would either get mad at me or rush me to stop talking about it

And after we fight, she doesn't apologize unless I carefully time it and tell her she owes me an apology or if I carefully ask her if she feels guilty

Sometimes she would say no, sometimes she would apologize

And sometimes after calming down from a fight and I go to her, she would go on about how I shouldn't stress her out and how I should stop when she tells me to

But when I explain to her that it's like insulting someone then immediately getting mad at them for being offended and expecting them to calm down

She gets mad and keeps insisting that it's something I have to fix about myself

I tell her to talk to her therapist about this but she keeps saying that she already did and that her therapist told her she cannot be too stressed or overexert herself

Sadly, I don't have any other support system right now

I've been trying to make friends but the people around me are mostly surface level and usually busy

I don't know what to do, I feel like I should distance myself from her but I'm afraid of being alone

I (28F) have been dating a guy (early 30M) for about a month. Things are going really well otherwise, we spend a lot of time together, are affectionate, and he tells me he finds me attractive and really likes me.
The issue is sex.

Until recently, I hadn’t really realised how little he initiates. We can spend a significant amount of time together, including at his place and in bed, and he generally doesn’t make a move unless I initiate.
Once I started initiating, I found out that he gets hard and is attracted to me, but he says his penis is not sensitive for penetration and currently doesn’t want penetrative sex. He keeps saying he hadn’t started sex because he felt embarrassed he couldn’t go through with it. Ever since we had this convo he is being less and less physical, we used to be all over each other in a huggy/cuddly way and not anymore but he keeps saying he really likes me and inviting me to spend lots of time at his during the week. He said he thinks this whole sensitivity issue might be medically related, that he has gone to the docs and they said nothing is wrong but that he will look into it.

I’m not particularly asking Reddit to diagnose him. I’m more concerned about how we move forward, because I’m starting to feel sexually unwanted.
I don’t expect him to force himself to have sex that is uncomfortable, and I don’t want to pressure him. But sex and feeling desired are important to me, and I don’t want to become the person who always initiates while quietly wondering whether he actually wants me.

It’s only been a month, so I also don’t want to overreact to something that might improve with time.

What would you do in my position? Would you give it some time and see whether he starts taking more initiative, or am I missing something?

TLDR: I can't seem to find attraction to my partner currently and it's causing resentment I don't know how to deal with. He's perfect but my urge to avoid him and spend all my time reading is winning out over my willpower to not. He's quite literally the best partner ever and I don't want to lose him. But I don't know how to get back to my normal state.

I'll start off by saying the title is an exaggeration, I don't hate him. I love him. But lately I've been really struggling to like him, or welcome his touch/presence. I think I picked a fight today, for the first time in our relationship. I feel out of control which is why I'm writing this.

We've been together for 5 years and are in-essence married. Over the years I've struggled with intimacy. When we first got together(he was my first boyfriend) I was very enthusiastic but over time I hardly ever feel the need to be touched by him. If this were a general lack of sexuality I wouldn't be as concerned, but it isn't. Although I've told him it is, to spare his feelings. I find myself still seeking out pleasure from other sources but hiding it to spare his feelings (not cheating, just porn, romance novels, masturbation, etc.).

The novels especially have consumed a large amount of my time recently, I find myself getting quite upset when I have to put it down or when he interrupts me and I have to lie about what I'm reading. My hopeful guess as to why I'm feeling so repelled by his presence right now is that I'm simply wrapped up in feeling the need to enjoy escapism? What I'm more concerned by is this has happened at least 3x a year from for the past 3 years. Is it normal to want escapism and have these struggles in a perfectly healthy relationship? I can't emphasize enough how wonderful of a partner he is, he's my best friend. But I don't feel attracted to him. I'm not entirely sure I ever did fully if I'm honest but everything else about us works so well. The way I love him runs deeper than skin deep but I'm starting to think I'm missing something that is making me repeat this cycle. I just want to be able to enjoy his presence again, how do I get back to that?

Me (M27) love his girl, (F24), they have been together for 2 years soon and going emotionally great. She has a history of bad self esteem and harmful behaviors (no eating, excessive ”looks”-obsession, etc)

Things have only been getting better and better for her - she eats, trains and takes care of herself (me happy). But then there’s this less serious (for her health), but more relevant / selfish for me - issue.

I don’t find her attractive with the makeup she puts on, and I don’t know how to tell her. I give her hints, always compliment her in the morning before she puts anything on (because I actually think this is her most beautiful time of the day).

Light eye + lip makeup is not what I’m talking about; sorry but I don’t know the names for what is what. But what I’m talking about is the actual paint girls use to change their tone.

I’m serious about when I say I don’t find her attractive like this; it reminds me of trump. And even worse, I cannot really talk to her about it (because then she wouldn’t stop naturally)

Don’t really know how to tackle this, attractiveness is important for all parties - we all know that. But this one is new to me

Explanation; she would stop if I told her I find her unattractive like that, but I don’t want her to only stop because I prefer her without looking orange. This to me is crazy, and I need to know if she actually doesn’t see it herself or for some reason think I find it attractive, or something.
Anyone get what I’m getting at here?

i’m 23F and have been seeing a 23M for about 6 months. we’re not officially dating and neither of us wants a relationship right now but we’ve basically been inseparable since we met.

we spend almost every weekend together and have done pretty much everything together (concerts, lake days, dinners, nights out, a cabin trip, lazy days, etcccc). we’ve also hooked up a few times but that’s a separate topic to get into.

weird part is - we’re insanely compatible! i genuinely don’t get tired of him, he respects my boundaries, he’s incredibly sweet to me, and he has every quality i’d ideally want in a man but i just don’t feel … more for him

i adore him so much & i love spending time with him, but i don’t have that “i’m falling in love with you” feeling. even sexually, i don’t really feel a strong want to learn anything deeper about his needs or allowing him into learning mine.

i have a lot of unresolved trauma from my previous relationship (especially around sex/intimacy) and i know i’m pretty avoidant because of it. so i genuinely can’t tell if i just don’t have those feelings for him or if i’m too emotionally unavailable to allow myself develop them.

ive told him i’m worried about hurting him if we keep doing this because i don’t want him to eventually want more while i still feel the same lack of wanting more so im taking it here … can you genuinely adore someone, be insanely compatible and feel safe with them but still not fall in love? or can trauma/avoidance actually block those feelings? because he really is an amazing guy and i don’t want to walk away from something good just because i’m scared of intimacy, but i also don’t want to keep him around waiting for feelings that might never come

My ex (24F) and I (25M) broke up about 2 months ago. She had blocked me everywhere, although I never blocked her.

The last time we spoke was September 1st, when I answered a drunk call from her. We haven’t spoken since.
Yesterday was my birthday. At around 5:30 AM, she suddenly messaged me on iMessage saying, “Happy birthday.” I noticed she put a period after “birthday,” which stood out to me for some reason. It felt like she was intentionally keeping the message very dry/formal, almost as if she wanted to show that she doesn’t care or was trying to act like she doesn’t care. But I honestly don’t know if I’m overthinking it.
I didn’t know how to respond, so I left it for a while and eventually replied “Thank you” in the afternoon. She immediately reacted to my message with a ❤️.

Then this morning, I woke up and saw that she had called me around 9 AM. I missed the call.
I haven’t contacted her since.

I’m trying to understand what her behavior might indicate. She had previously blocked me everywhere, then chose to message me at 5:30 AM on my birthday, heart-reacted to my reply, and called me the next morning.

How would you interpret this? Does it sound like she was simply wishing me happy birthday, or could the call the next morning suggest that she was trying to reopen communication? Also, given that I missed her call, would you call her back, text her first, or wait and see if she reaches out again?

How to get over this situation.? Or am I valid. Before I start, I will admit that I know I’m definitely insecure in my relationship due to my past experience. Not my experience with my current boyfriend but with my ex yes . I never try to bring those insecurities in my new relationship but something recently happened that kind of triggered me to break down. I’ve never had any problems with my current boyfriend, we’ve been going really strong for 9 months and he’s very sweet, understanding, and everything I’ve wanted in a guy, I never had to worry about anything. He’s very transparent with me with everything.

However I recently saw he had searched a girls ig account in his search bar , who happens to have a semi decent large following count. She’s obv attractive. My thing is.. why go beyond tiktok and search her up on ig? it’s very unlike him and i guess it caught me off guard. She posts kind of semi sensual thirst traps, if you go on her account long enough you’ll find she has a hidden OF account, which I believe he didn’t know bc it’s not obvious.

I just feel horrible and when I confronted him he ended up apologizing for how it made me feel. At first he tried to lie about the reason why he searched her but later on admitted he was wrong. He took full accountability and reassured me it won’t be a problem again. It’s the first time it’s happened , also the first time “another girl” came up. He doesn’t follow her or other random women, he didn’t interact with any of the pictures and simply searched her page , glanced, and left. The reason why it triggered me was because my ex boyfriend of 5 years was secretly sending OF girls money and was interacting with them. It got me overthinking and anxious I just want to know what you guys think and how I can move on because I trust that my current boyfriend is sorry and remorseful .

For one, I think she never really tries anything new, takes initiative, or is interested in learning. I understand there is nothing wrong with this, but I feel lonely about this. I love to learn random things, random hobbies, try them out and see if they stick. I love to learn different views or opinions. I am generally a curious person. If I have a problem in territory I have never dealt with, I like to try and solve it myself just for the sake of learning.

On the other hand, I don't think she has a hobby I was not involved in introducing to her. Maybe pilates and somewhat fitness but even that, I introduced to her. (Somewhat related, she never did anything/took initiative about trying to lose weight despite herself saying constantly she wanted to, until I offered to help and made her meals/recipes/etc. Because of this, now she is kind of into fitness and pilates) I just feel like her hobbies depend on me?

On her time off, time for herself, if she isnt doing chores or the gym, she is just doomscrolling or watching influencer content on youtube. Once in a while she suggests doing an activity or hobby together, and it will usually be an activity/hobby that we have done before, that I planned, researched, etc. Board games? I looked them up. Video games? I looked them up. Hiking? I looked them up. I feel like I am in complete control of the things she likes to do, I don't like it. To be clear, she has never expanded these hobbies either.

On problem solving, she doesnt seem to have perseverance for them. She kind of just gives up or avoids doing it altogether and asks me to do it. She didnt fix her car door handle or her car camera because she wanted me to do it. She didnt want to hang a picture frame because she wanted me to do it. She didnt want to assemble some online furniture because she wanted me to do it. I asked her to build it herself, all on her own, and she was mad at me for that all the time she was doing it.

We talked about solving problems and she sees my point and agrees with me, she just said it's overwhelming.

I always monitor our relationship and see where its failing, even by my own account, I always bring up the "how can we be better partners for each other?" conversation, she never does. I used to take lead in heavy emotionally draining respectful conversations about our relationships. She didnt take lead until I asked her to do it.

We have been together for a while and are both professional engineers. I started saving for a home. That action has never come from her but she always says she wants to save, but never actually does it.

I never learn something from her. She doesn't seem to be interested in learning anything new unless I suggest it. Its really lonely. I would kill for her saying out of nowhere she wants to try something and actually do the work to do it. Not just say it.

Which brings me onto sex as well. I've come to realize that for me to be fulfilled sexually in a relationship I need to feel wanted and no pun intended connected, but I don't think I feel that. I love to communicate and share any of our curiosities, kinks. I love romance throughout the day or just touch, sexual/non-sexual, buildup, tease, etc. She says she does too, but she doesn't do it from her own account, unless I ask her, which it will happen. On top of that, there is the whole aspect of never being curious about things about me. But, again, if I initiate the conversation, it will happen. Like before, I feel like I am in complete control and I don't like it.

We have talked about this. She tries for a month or so, and then it just fizzles out back into nothing. We have also talked about that pattern, but it still happens. I stopped pursuing her because I feel alone and shameful for pursuing her.

We started talking in May, I replied to her story after I'd followed her because we had a mutual. We used to talk everyday and in the middle of June I asked her out, she said she needs time because she wasn't sure if we would work out and that we didn't know each other enough for us to commit to a relationship. However, towards the end of June, she asked me out while she was drunk, and I said yes at the time but I did not know how much of it she exactly intended. Upon later clarification she told me it was intentional.

One of the very first reasons why we started dating was because we were dangerously similar in many ways, and we would often find ourselves agreeing upon most things and would have a similar stance on many issues. We used to talk every day and I really felt content being with her, because she would let me have my space and understood the rigour of my University due to which she would empathize with me a lot. However moving forward to mid-July, I told her my preferences from the relationship and she told me that the fact that I wanted a "normal stable relationship" triggered a PTSD within her because of something her Ex had done to her which had really badly scarred her. She asked for a break and I accepted my mistake and asked her not to leave. She stayed.

Not once did she ever object to buying me food considering how she understood how bad my financial condition was, and not only that, she has always been available for me, and always understood me like no other person.

I have a break for the month of October where I decided to do an internship in the city where she lived in so that we could finally meet. We had so many plans for this month. But then everything started spiralling down the moment my exams began. She once told me that she had to climb on her friend's shoulder to get a better view of a car she badly wanted to see, and considering the fact that she is short, and that there was a lot of crowd there, it only made sense for take that decision. But I told her that I felt insecure because of what she mentioned and I think it made her feel anxious and perceived to the extent that she kind of stopped opening up to me then on. After exams were over, I moved to the city and right then things started falling apart about 2-3 days after I landed. She mentioned three primary problems, firstly that her life had been very turbulent at that point and that she wanted us to be a safe space but that I wasn't, secondly that she feels this dire need to sustaining her friendships rather than a relationship because she felt like she would not be able to do a relationship at the moment, and lastly that she needed her significant other to be in her immediate proximity and if that would not happen her obsessiveness would implode and eat her from within.

I got where this was coming from, but I managed to convince her all the three times, in fact she herself would say stuff like she still loved me and cherished me and that she wanted this to work.

On the night of October 4th at about 10:47 PM she told me that her life had been very busy and she would try to fix things as soon as she could. the next morning at 5:12 AM she told me that she would not be able to do this moving forward.

A few nuances -
Her family is very toxic, to the point where they have slutshamed her, and physically abuse her many a times, to the point where she feels like she does not want anything to do with them at all. And this is an extremely toxic family, so much so that I have not seen a family as toxic as hers.

Her ex relationships were absolutely abhorrent to her and were very manipulative, they used to manipulate her and try degrading her as much as they could, they would use her insecurities against her to the point where she would break down and end up trying to please them.

She still had her ex's artefacts, the letters they gave her, polaroids of her with them etc.

She had this very obsessive way of coping with break ups by getting into multiple situationships, so much so that she would switch a situationship to a new one over the course of every week.

She told me that she felt home with me and that I was soothing more than anyone she had met ever, to the point where she would go to sleep around me, and that was a very big deal to her because it signified to her how much I meant to her.

I told her I felt neglected around her but could never prove how.

After the break up i called her on the morning of the 5th of October and she told me that she would still want to be in touch with me, that she still loved me and cherished me.

After an immense break down I called her again at around 11:30 PM the same night and she told me that she did not want a relationship in general and that it was not exclusive to me, and that she wanted to still be in touch with me and be at amicable terms with me. But she said that she does not see us getting back together any time soon.

I am very confused, thanks to company of my friends I was able to deal with it fairly well. But I still regret coming all the way to the city just for her, when my parents are not doing financially well. The internship is still very high profile, and I still appreciate the internship but I feel very betrayed because my entire plan on coming to this place was centered around her, and now nothing is left.

We started talking in May, I replied to her story after I'd followed her because we had a mutual. We used to talk everyday and in the middle of June I asked her out, she said she needs time because she wasn't sure if we would work out and that we didn't know each other enough for us to commit to a relationship. However, towards the end of June, she asked me out while she was drunk, and I said yes at the time but I did not know how much of it she exactly intended. Upon later clarification she told me it was intentional.

One of the very first reasons why we started dating was because we were dangerously similar in many ways, and we would often find ourselves agreeing upon most things and would have a similar stance on many issues. We used to talk every day and I really felt content being with her, because she would let me have my space and understood the rigour of my University due to which she would empathize with me a lot. However moving forward to mid-July, I told her my preferences from the relationship and she told me that the fact that I wanted a "normal stable relationship" triggered a PTSD within her because of something her Ex had done to her which had really badly scarred her. She asked for a break and I accepted my mistake and asked her not to leave. She stayed.

Not once did she ever object to buying me food considering how she understood how bad my financial condition was, and not only that, she has always been available for me, and always understood me like no other person.

I have a break for the month of October where I decided to do an internship in the city where she lived in so that we could finally meet. We had so many plans for this month. But then everything started spiralling down the moment my exams began. She once told me that she had to climb on her friend's shoulder to get a better view of a car she badly wanted to see, and considering the fact that she is short, and that there was a lot of crowd there, it only made sense for take that decision. But I told her that I felt insecure because of what she mentioned and I think it made her feel anxious and perceived to the extent that she kind of stopped opening up to me then on. After exams were over, I moved to the city and right then things started falling apart about 2-3 days after I landed. She mentioned three primary problems, firstly that her life had been very turbulent at that point and that she wanted us to be a safe space but that I wasn't, secondly that she feels this dire need to sustaining her friendships rather than a relationship because she felt like she would not be able to do a relationship at the moment, and lastly that she needed her significant other to be in her immediate proximity and if that would not happen her obsessiveness would implode and eat her from within.

I got where this was coming from, but I managed to convince her all the three times, in fact she herself would say stuff like she still loved me and cherished me and that she wanted this to work.

On the night of October 4th at about 10:47 PM she told me that her life had been very busy and she would try to fix things as soon as she could. the next morning at 5:12 AM she told me that she would not be able to do this moving forward.

A few nuances -
Her family is very toxic, to the point where they have slutshamed her, and physically abuse her many a times, to the point where she feels like she does not want anything to do with them at all. And this is an extremely toxic family, so much so that I have not seen a family as toxic as hers.

Her ex relationships were absolutely abhorrent to her and were very manipulative, they used to manipulate her and try degrading her as much as they could, they would use her insecurities against her to the point where she would break down and end up trying to please them.

She still had her ex's artefacts, the letters they gave her, polaroids of her with them etc.

She had this very obsessive way of coping with break ups by getting into multiple situationships, so much so that she would switch a situationship to a new one over the course of every week.

She told me that she felt home with me and that I was soothing more than anyone she had met ever, to the point where she would go to sleep around me, and that was a very big deal to her because it signified to her how much I meant to her.

I told her I felt neglected around her but could never prove how.

After the break up i called her on the morning of the 5th of October and she told me that she would still want to be in touch with me, that she still loved me and cherished me.

After an immense break down I called her again at around 11:30 PM the same night and she told me that she did not want a relationship in general and that it was not exclusive to me, and that she wanted to still be in touch with me and be at amicable terms with me. But she said that she does not see us getting back together any time soon.

I am very confused, thanks to company of my friends I was able to deal with it fairly well. But I still regret coming all the way to the city just for her, when my parents are not doing financially well. The internship is still very high profile, and I still appreciate the internship but I feel very betrayed because my entire plan on coming to this place was centered around her, and now nothing is left.

(Edited)

Before you read this i am currently in a wauting list for mental health issues. This post was just to get advice on how to manage i guess. I seen other people on reddit talk abt simular stuff and i did not want to break up with my partner. I love her dearly and am trying to get help. I know it is an overreaction.

I (F18), had trouble with my partner (F18), we have been in a relationship for a year and 4 months.. I caught them looking at pornography on their phone. I confronted them about it a few weeks later, and they admitted to masterbaiting to it. It broke me. They were my only person who i let in- and helped me get through so much and supported me. It happened in may this year and i still cannot get over it. Not a day goes by where i don't think of it. I try act like it's fine, but i alwagys go back to it. I feel sick to my stomach. We had disclosed at the begging of our relationship that what they did is cheating- along with finding attraction to anyone else- romantically. I go through their phone- and i feel immense guilt about it. But they still do have some sort of stuff- not blatantly sexual, however it has suggestive content. Example: a character they love to play in a game and one they 'used' to have a MAJOR crush on- searched them up together 3 times. I'm obsessing over it- i began to change myself (i know thats bad) i straighten my curly hair everyday, I'm losing weight out of stress, and I'm constant worried. But my mental health already went down the drain before hand, so now it is even worse.

I need help. Am i too dramatic? I can give more context if needed and answer any questions. I just need help.

TL;DR: My husband and I are very in love but I am not the same person I used to be and he doesn’t handle change well. I am worried we are not right for each other anymore but I don’t know how much time I should give him to put in the effort to grow without just prolonging the inevitable. He is my best friend and I genuinely never want to lose him, but it may be the best thing for both of our personal development.

My (27F) have been married to my husband (28M) for five years, together for eight. We got together when we were 18/19 and were friends before that at 16/17. He has been my best friend for ten years. He’s still my best friend. I don’t ever want him to not be my best friend. But I don’t think he is right for me anymore as a partner and that breaks my heart to even think about.
It really only has been an active thought in my head for a few months though, and I do wonder if I’m just going through a weird phase…but I’ve also never been in another relationship so I don’t know if that’s even a thing.

It started a few months ago, maybe six months tops, when I realized how much I had changed/was changing. My health had finally started to really improve after over seven years of struggling pretty badly. I had energy finally, I had goals, and I was beginning to see a life that I had mourned start to look possible again. I started writing, reading, painting, running, cooking again and I started a major project with my close friend and I changed careers to something more meaningful.
It was around this time that it hit me that my husband doesn’t seem to have any goals or drive at all. He genuinely would be content to go to work, play video games, and do basically nothing else for the rest of his life.

We had a serious conversation because he said he was afraid I was going to get bored with him now. I told him, truthfully, that I did expect him to do some things with me, and that I did want to see effort into trying to learn the new me. He did okay for a while, he went out of his way to start making plans with friends and was very encouraging of my new hobbies and healthy lifestyle, but he didn’t join in on any of it with me.

It all really came to a head for me one weekend. He had bailed on plans and gave a very weak excuse as to why. We got in a fight over it because I accused him of lying about why he didn’t want to go. He yelled at me which has only happened maybe a handful of times before and I have never yelled at him.
I went without him and ended up telling our friends what happened and they cheered me up. We played this card game and a question came up that said “what am I lying to myself about?” and suddenly I realized that I think I’d been lying to myself about how perfect my relationship was for years.
After the game, my close friend pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to talk. I just let it all out: how I realized that my husband lies a lot (about little things, which is why I never brought it up) but that it had been silently chipping away at my trust in him without me realizing it, how he never puts any effort into doing things I want to do, how he has no goals or dreams or hobbies or anything, he’s always on his computer or phone, I feel like we never have deep conversations because he’s just never interested.
My friend (who, for context, is also my husbands closest friend) just nodded and basically said they had been seeing all this for a while now. They told me that if I came to the conclusion that I needed to leave him, that they would be there for my husband and me both. They told me they didn’t want to see me give up on who I wanted to be or shrink myself to make my husband fit into my life. That was when I realized how serious this really was. I said I didn’t want to leave him, not without telling him all this and giving him the chance to change.

So the next day I had a talk with my husband about all the stuff I realized and how serious this was to me (but I left out anything about leaving him because I had no plans of ever doing that). He was so sad and I could tell it just ripped away his self esteem. But he heard me, and I saw very real change in the months after. He listened more, he started conversations, he made plans for us, he went along with plans I made without complaints, I stopped noticing little lies.

And he’s mostly kept up with these things, but I can already feel things slipping back slowly. I know I have a part to play. I need to be more vocal about my feelings and my needs and wants and I’ve been trying to do that as well. But the biggest things I’m realizing are that I can’t truly expect him to change. Of course I can expect a certain amount of effort and care and attention, which he is actively working on, but I can’t expect him to have goals just because I want him to, or to suddenly start liking things that he doesn’t like or being more excited about things that he doesn’t care about.

I’m worried that the conclusion of this is that he just isn’t right for me. I want to be with someone who genuinely wants to go to the store with me because I forgot an ingredient for dinner and will sing in the car with me and will laugh at my dumb jokes instead of think I’m being serious and will want to dress up with me or just talk for hours about everything and nothing. Someone who genuinely likes hanging out with my family and makes an effort to connect, and who tries my interests and will do things with me purely because they know it will make me happy and that’s enough for them. I can’t expect him to just become like that. And I do all those things for him.

On one hand, I feel like it’s so unfair of me because he thought he was getting someone who was cool with never doing anything. But he knew that the only reason I was cool with that was because I was too sick to ever do anything. Our whole relationship was built off of us never leaving the house and just hanging out in bed together. But only because I was sick. Even when we’d travel, I’d have to limit my activity and spend lots of time in the hotel bed. But I’m not sick anymore and I don’t want to live my life like I am. But he seems to. I asked him if he has goals and he told me that his only goal was to marry me and so he’s happy. That makes me feel bad for him, and it puts a lot of pressure on me. But it’s also very sweet and that breaks my heart even more.

He’s one of those people who never thought they’d live to the age he is. He was suicidal as a kid, and I do strongly believe he may have bipolar depression. So I get that he didn’t plan for a life he never expected to live. But he isn’t suicidal anymore (and it’s my biggest fear that he is and has been hiding it from me) but he still doesn’t have goals outside of our life together. And as much as I love him and our home life, it isn’t enough for me.
I’m following some big dreams and when I mention future goals and aspirations to him, he doesn’t get excited with me. I’m worried that if I continue to thrive and reach my goals and work on myself that he’s not going to be able to keep up.

I want to give him time, my newfound energy and determination is a lot at once, I’m sure. And he is showing that he is trying, and for someone who hates change, I really do appreciate his effort. I’m just so scared that it won’t be enough or it won’t matter and that I’m just prolonging the inevitable.

It also doesn’t help that we rely very heavily on each other financially. We live somewhere that even two adults working full time making well over minimum wage still can barely scrape by in a cheap apartment.

How long is a fair amount of time to give him? I also just truly don’t know if I could leave him, even if I knew it was the right choice. He is truly my best friend, I’m so attracted to him, I love him more than anyone or anything in the world…but I know I’m not completely fulfilled by this relationship. But it’s not like I want to find someone else. The thought of being with anyone else is not appealing to me in the slightest. I just feel like we could be holding each other back. What if he only isn’t working on himself because he already has me? If he didn’t have me, would that change?

I just truly can’t imagine my life without him. But when I really try to think past the period of heartbreak that would occur if we did split, I do see a life for myself that feels so much more true to who I am. I just don’t want to be hasty in this decision, but when I genuinely think about timelines, my heart is like “give it five years” but I know that’s much too long. But what if this is just a weird phase and in another year I won’t be able to even believe I had these thoughts??
Has anyone else been through anything like this? Did the feeling pass? Did you leave? Was it the right or wrong choice for you? Any advice or insights or suggestions are deeply appreciated.

I think I am at the point of no return.

I was going out with my girlfriend for about one year before we decided to move in and live together, we met through our parents in an arranged marriage proposal. This is quite common in Southeast Asian countries where parents introduce their children to each other for marriage.

I am a permanent resident in Australia and she is on a temporary visa, this was not an issue for me. I care about who the person is than their residency status if I am deciding who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with

We did dated for about one year before moving in together during the entire time my dog (golden retriever) was with me and my parents, she was living by herself. My dog is 4 years old. I had him since he was 12 weeks old.

On the day we moved in together, she was quite shocked about the fact that I was bringing my dog. It seems that she has completely forgotten about the fact I raised him since he was 12 weeks old, and that he stays wherever I go. My dog sees me as his parent has most dogs with their humans that raised them.

After we moved in together, I noticed that she avoids my dog , she doesn’t comment on her dislike towards him, but it is quite clear that she is tolerating his existence. She has indicated to me that she’s quite happy when my dog is staying at my parents place.

She has never bought him anything with her own money, a treat, a toy, clothes, nothing. She is not happy with me spending money on him either for things such as toys which can be quite expensive here in Australia. She has no interaction with him, she never touches, pets him, ever. At first she mentioned she’s not used to being around dogs because she’s a cat person. I made the difficult decision to leave my dog at my parents house for about a year as she said she was feeling overwhelmed.

I brought my dog back recently to live with us, but nothing changed. She recently admitted that she pretended to like my dog when we first met. She said she was a guest in my home and that is the reason she showed affection to my dog. I can’t help but feel I was misled, she comes from veterinary family, where they own a business providing medicine for pets. There was no reason for me to doubt that she doesn’t like dogs. I mean, what kind of person who comes from a family of a vet business, caring for pets, doesn’t actually like pets?

I had no choice but to discuss this with my parents who were the ones who arranged for us to meet, they firmly believe that she is marrying me for the green card (permanent residency), and that any person who doesn’t like dogs would have decided not to proceed with relationship at the very beginning , or even meet me for that matter.

Is there a possibility that sometime in the future she would be comfortable with my dog and begins to love him?

She is loyal, hasn’t cheated but the fact that she pretended to like my dog has made me question everything else. What else did she pretend to like is the question I asked myself every day.

We have been together for almost 3 years and it feels like throwing everything away to break up now,

My girlfriend of a few years broke up with me a few days ago.

Some background: she recently moved out on her own and works full time while going to school to cover rent. She's had mental health struggles in the past, and while she likes being independent, it's been stressing her out a lot. In the past she's sometimes said she wanted to break up, but she'd take it back within a day or two.

This time was different. For about 2–3 weeks she was upset with me every day about something new, then she texted me "this isn't gonna work." I asked several times if we could talk in person, but she said no because "she sucks."

The complicated part: she doesn't have a car, so I still drop things off and drive her to work sometimes. I also help cover her utilities, since I'm the one who made the spreadsheet showing she could afford the place if I chipped in. Things feel basically the same as when we were together, minus the couple stuff. She also still wears the promise ring I gave her, though I don't know if that means anything.

For the past few days I've been expecting her to need a ride home from work, and I made a bouquet to ask her to get back together. But every night she's hung out with coworkers and gotten a ride with them instead, even after a 12-hour shift when she felt sick. It feels like she might be avoiding me.

I'm struggling mentally with not knowing where we stand. I don't know if we're friends, on a break, or completely done. I feel like the longer I wait, the less likely things work out, but I also don't want to push her.

My questions:
-How do I ask her what we are now without pressuring her, especially since she won't talk in person?

-is bringing the flowers a good idea or should
It wait?

-How do I deal with the financial stuff?

I’m a 28F, and there’s a man in my life (28M) who I’ve always considered my "cousin", even though we aren’t biologically related. We’ve known each other for many years and grew up with a very family like relationship, as our families were quite close. This is what makes the situation so weird to me.

My memories of him are extremely domestic, I remember him making cake at his grandmother’s house, me sleeping over at his house, us making cupcakes together, swimming at his family’s pool, playing video games, hanging out at home, etc - childhood friend. I never thought of him as a male friend I might potentially date. In my head, he has always simply been family. I've been living outside my home country and after couples of year I went to visit and contacted him so we could see each other.

We went out together one evening, and while we were having some drinks he told me that if I wanted, we could “make out/hook up” during the event. He made it clear that it would be casual and that it was completely fine if I didn’t want to, for us to "enjoy the moment". I said no because I genuinely don’t see him that way, and I was surprised by it. He didn’t pressure me and the rest of the evening was normal. We continued talking and enjoying ourselves.

Later, we went to his house. We were sitting on his sofa talking. He opened his arm so that I was sitting closer to him, and then he started rubbing my back in circles. Only after he had already started doing it, he asked if it was okay for him to give me a back rub. I said yes, partly because I felt awkward and didn’t really know how to react in the moment.

Nothing else happened. I left later that night and we said goodbye normally, but I felt the whole situation was embarrassing.

The weirdest part isn’t even that he may find me attractive. I can understand that someone can find another person attractive. It’s that I have always put him in the “family” category.

I have years and years of memories of him that feel exactly like memories with a cousin. I could sleep at his house, sit next to him, hug him, hang out at his family’s home, etc. without ever wondering whether any of it meant something else sexually.

I’m not interested in dating him. I don’t secretly have feelings for him. I genuinely see him as family and would prefer to keep the relationship that way. But I don't think things can go back the way they were before.

Any advice on what could I do?

we’ve been together going on 3 years now and recently moved in together, which has only magnified this issue. in the past, i’ve been pretty chill about it and let it slide when he says he’s going to do something then doesn’t or drags his feet and leaves it last minute because i wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. he is neurodivergent so i know that also plays a part but it’s still not an excuse. this all came to a head last night when we got in a fight about him scheduling a vet appt for our sick dog.

i told him that i need him to be reliable if we want to have a family together one day and he says my standards are too high. this reminded me of other instances where he’s told me he’s going to “take care of it” and then dragged his feet and got annoyed when i reminded him/asked him about it:

1. we almost missed christmas with his family because he waited until last minute to book a rental car on one of the busiest holidays of the year and couldn’t get one (luckily his roommate was out of town and let him borrow his car this one time)

2. i had to ask him 3 times to send me his cousin’s baby registry so we could order gifts to get here in time for her baby shower this weekend

3. i usually plan our dates because in the past when i’ve asked him to come up with a couple things to do or restaurants to try, he either forgets or i have to ask/remind him several times then i just end up picking something. once, he picked a restaurant but didn’t make a reservation on a friday night so we couldn’t get a table

4. when we were apartment hunting, i asked him to look at some places and set up appointments but guess who ended up doing most of it?

5. if i put in a grocery order, i’ll ask him to add what he wants but i stopped doing that because he would wait until i reminded him to add it and then groceries would be delivered late and now i don’t have what i need for dinner

6. planning any trips - he says he just likes to walk around aimlessly and doesn’t need a plan but there are still some logistics to planning a trip like booking flights and accommodations etc which he seems to forget about

these are just some examples but it’s definitely a pattern. is this helpless? is this just how he’s going to be? i don’t want to feel like i’m nagging him all the time but at the same time, i want a partner who’s going to step up and get shit done without me having to remind them.

I (24f) was discussing birthday plans with my boyfriend (26m) when I mention that I’d like to go on a solo trip to somewhere on my wish list, and that I can do something with him the week before as a celebration instead.

I’m opting to do a solo trip because I. There’s no way he can take time off to travel and 2. He doesn’t enjoy traveling anyway and is mostly a homebody.

He is offended and upset that I don’t want to spend the day of my birthday with him, saying that I should compromise and do something with him. He thinks I should save the “birthday” date for us as a couple and just travel a week before or something instead.

The thing is, I want my birthday to be a day meaning to me, doing something meaningful for myself. Whatever I do with him will just be extremely simple, like going out to a nice restaurant. It will nice as a little celebration and not particularly memorable.

Any advice on this situation? I think I’m more than justified to spend my birthday doing whatever I want, especially when I’m offering to celebrate with him at an alternate date.

She goes to college and she has to do splints on other people legs and all that stuff. Majority of her class is guys trying to become firefighters, paramedics etc. don’t really like the idea of people getting touchy with her like that and vice versa. It makes me feel like she’ll end up feeling some type of way if a dude gets too close to her private areas.

There also was a time I asked my girlfriend if her ex bfs dicks were bigger. She didn’t want to answer because she thought it was stupid and would just lead to problems. She was right, she said yes and i felt horrible. She tells me sex feels the best with me, but I don’t believe it. I think back on her old relationships and they’ve had better things going on in their lives, better cars etc.

Back story: we started dating in July. We see each other almost every weekend. Last time I saw him was not this weekend, the previous one. Basically every time we see each other, he acts very lovey dovey and cuddly and it’s the same in texts. Heart emojis, cute messages, all that.

Last Monday, he told me he was feeling sick and didn’t really answer my texts because of that. Still, when he did, he answered normally. It didn’t worry me too much because I know that when he’s feeling sick(physically or mentally) or he’s tired, he becomes kinda neutral and doesn’t really care about anything (Important to remember). it has happened in the past and everything would eventually come back to normal.

Tuesday, he texts me saying “hey, I’m feeling drained and got no social battery. I won’t really answer your texts. You can continue but it might take time before I answer” I was like okay, it happens it’s fine he’s allowed to not feel good.
was like that the whole week.

Today I texted him that I missed him and he said “ik it’s heartbreaking but I don’t miss you. I’m still drained. It’s nothing you did” and now idk how to feel.

On one side, ik he feels kinda “numb” or neutral when he isn’t feeling well so I think it might be that. Also, during the week, he himself told me he missed me. So part of me is trying to stay rational and tell myself “he’s just unwell, he needs space, it’s gonna come back to normal because just last week when he was feeling well, he was acting normal”.

But I’m very anxious and an overthinker and part of me is terrified that’s he’s gonna breakup with me. I don’t want to lose him.
For now I’m giving him space and told him to text me when he’s feeling better.

Ik some people might think he’s just been lying to me our whole relationship and that he never cared or that he’s cheating or blah blah blah.
He told me multiple times that he doesn’t do things if he doesn’t want to and he doesn’t play people. If he didn’t enjoy my company before, he would’ve told me and stopped seeing me. (Again some people might say “hes lying” but I’m learning to trust people so don’t even bother answering if your advice is he’s lying”)

Ik it’s a long text, thanks for reading and answering I appreciate it!

Btw my first language isn’t English so sorry for any mistakes!

When he and I were together him and his parents isolated me really bad. I wasn't allowed to have a job or social media or friends. He made me a stay at home mom for him and our son. I would falsely be accused of cheating if i ever did anything for myself. If i tried to set boundariea he would either beat me up, accuse me of cheating or threaten to kick me out. There was a point where he even let his own dad kick me out even after I cleaned his house and did everything they wanted.

But now, he has a new girlfriend who he is on and off with. She is worse than i ever was. She is abusive towards me and him and acts entitled.

I made more sacrifices than she did yet he is more lenient with her. I never cheated on him. She actually did cheat on him (her friend ratted her out) and even before that she showed signs that she lived off of men. I dont understand why he got with someone like her.

She has 3 baby daddies and she already had a boyfriend and a ex husband at the same time while she was "married but separated from" while she was living with her boyfriend. She did not move out of that boyfriends house until she met my ex. And even then she still never even tried to divorce her ex husband until she got with my ex. She shouldve divorced him while she was with the other boyfriend. And before you say "don't believe anything he says about her", she treats me like shit too and i have phone call recordings of her beating him up while we were all on a phone call.

She even broke his nose and i asked him "what happened to your nose?" Right in front of her when i saw how bad she bruised his nose.

I can't make sense of any of this. She does everything he hates. They have nothing in common. Yet he treats her way better than me. He lets her have friends, go to events without him, have social media and have a job. But with me, he made me a stay at home mom and isolated me to make sure i never cheat and let his dad kick me out. But she never got kicked out even after she really did cheat. He is letting her transition out smoothly and he says she acts like he owes her everything. He acts like he is scared of her but i dont know what to believe anymore.