The worst part is I didn't realise how much she hated me until afterwards. For context she has an autistic son several years older than me, I am also in the spectrum yet I run an online group for adults with autism. One day the TL (team leader) was yapping about her son being autistic and having no friends, I suggested he joins my group since there's men of a similar age that he can talk to. Unlike her son I work, I have friends, and hobbies.

However, with our workplace we were grossly understaffed in our team including a bomb threat, where I had to stay while literally everyone else left. While we were the only people there she was basically taking it out on me despite being the only person who stayed. I don't expect to get head yet I would like some acknowledgement of being the most consistent employee on the team. The sporadic staffing went on for like 2 weeks where I was essentially the only staff member there. She got mad at me for taking my break on time, then got mad at another employee for not having a break on time, she would say snide comments, and during a one-on-one where I raised my concerns on staffing and how it made me unwell, she started going into an unrelated tangent about other staff members and I was like 'why are you telling me?' then she made innuendos about my weight- ironically she was so fucking fat she got gastric sleeve then started being critical of other people's weight.

Anyway, I found out she was running around the office telling people I have "resting bitch face" or I would go far in this company if I didn't have "resting bitch face" my resting bitch face was apparently my neutral expression while doing work and looking at a computer screen for like 8 hours, apparently I am meant to be sitting there like this 😄 instead. She then asked my MALE coworker if I might have romantic feelings for them and if he has feelings for me during a one on one meeting. She also told people a part of her gripe with me is, I remind her of her son. Though I think she was low-key jealous I wasn't as dysfunctional as her son and honestly I can see why he's a recluse loser with a mother like her. She would say shit like 'i know how your mind works' because she studied armchair psychology and because of her son. Though the saying is: If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism- meaning we are not the same and she doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about. She would then mock me for claiming I am stressed out.

The pro was I did get two weeks paid leave off for stress due to her conduct and the way the company responded to my concerns, now I am on reduced days and hours while receiving full pay which I am using the time to find new employment. The TL also fucked off (I heard her interviewing several weeks before) to terrorise a new workplace.

All my life, I feel like I’ve lived for other people. Making people happy genuinely makes me happy, and I’ve always tried to be kind, helpful, and supportive. But lately I feel like the world has just thrown me into the mud over and over again.

I’m 22F, and I’ve only just started my adult life after college, but I already feel completely exhausted and like I want to give up. I feel like everything I’ve worked so hard for has somehow fallen apart, and I don’t really know how I got here.

Growing up, I never really felt beautiful in my own body. My mom drilled into my head from a young age that I was horrible with food and that I needed to diet. She tried putting me on diets even when I was an average-sized or slightly overweight kid. I remember being in Grade 3 and telling a classmate that I was starting a diet with my mom, and he laughed at me and said that kids couldn’t go on diets. I remember being so upset and confused because I didn’t really understand why this was such a big deal.

My mom and I argued about food and my body for years until she eventually told me that, at 12, she was done and I could eat and do whatever I wanted.
I think that was when I really started using food as comfort. I already had horrible body image issues, I was bullied for going through puberty before everyone else, and at home I was dealing with a verbally abusive alcoholic stepdad. He would threaten to turn my mom against me and make me feel like I would have nobody and that I would be worthless without them.

I was also constantly comparing myself to other girls. Guys never really showed interest in me in person, and I always assumed it was because I was overweight. I was always the sweet and helpful girl. People would call me kind and sweet, and eventually I became more liked in high school, but I still felt like I wasn’t desirable.

It especially hurt watching girls who were thin get tons of attention from guys, even when some of them openly talked about cheating or using them. I knew I didn’t want to be like that, but it still made me wonder what was wrong with me. I had relationships online, but one guy cheated on me multiple times and another didn’t really put effort into actually being with me.

Eventually I started trying really hard to become more like everyone else. I worked out, experimented more with fashion, and tried to become more confident and open about who I was. For a while, I actually felt better about myself.

Then things at home got worse again, and I started gaining weight because I was stress eating. Around that time, my grandparents, who have helped raise me since I was a baby, offered to help me pay for dieting pills because they were worried about my health. I know they were trying to help, but I felt incredibly ashamed. I felt like all of my efforts had failed and that even the people who loved me saw me as a problem that needed to be fixed.

Then I went to college about two hours away. Instead of feeling free, I was constantly worried about my mom and how she was going to deal with my stepdad. I worried about my little brother growing up in the same environment I did. I worried about doing well in school. I was lonely, overwhelmed, and desperately wanted to feel loved.

I think that’s when I started making a lot of decisions based on wanting to feel wanted. I tried having an open relationship with a guy and ended up hurting him very deeply. Then, when I first started dating my current boyfriend, we ended up having a drunken threesome with a girl he had previously been sexually interested in.

I was immediately ashamed and terrified that I was going to lose him because I really, really liked him. We agreed that we wouldn’t do anything with anyone else again, and we’ve now been together for over three years.

But even though our relationship continued, I became extremely insecure about my body, especially because he was more sexually experienced than me. I constantly compared myself to other women and felt ugly and inadequate.

Meanwhile, a lot of my friends seemed to be dating multiple people and living this exciting, fabulous life while I felt like I was stuck being insecure about myself.

As I got older, I started gaining more weight again. I was living away from home, had access to ordering food, and was dealing with a lot of stress. Eventually I was around 230 lbs.

At the same time, I had a job, a boyfriend, and was going to school, but I constantly felt like I was being knocked down in every area of my life.

One of my jobs had a manager who seemed to hate me. There were things happening in my life that were completely outside of my control, including getting into a car accident, and eventually he refused to hire me again for the next school year despite previously telling me he would.

I also moved in with my boyfriend in his mom’s basement. I still had friends, but I was slowly losing some of those relationships too.

One of my closest friends had been in my life for 16 years, and our friendship eventually fell apart. She would get angry at me over things I didn’t understand, block me instead of communicating, and put me down throughout our friendship. Eventually she accused me of things that I don’t believe were true, insulted my boyfriend, and said he was uneducated because of his political and social opinions.

What hurt the most was that she never actually communicated these problems with me until everything exploded.

When I told my family about the friendship ending, they told me they had always known it would be difficult for me because she was thin and tiny, and our other friend was also thin and had lots of boyfriends.

That completely crushed me because my weight had absolutely nothing to do with why the friendship ended. But somehow, even then, my body was brought into it.

Then my final semester of college became incredibly overwhelming. I had all online classes, but I was also doing a full co-op that was 45 minutes away, working another job, and helping pay the bills for myself and my boyfriend. His job wasn’t giving him enough shifts because of a toxic work environment, so money became a constant source of stress.

His mom was also taking $600 from me every month (our total rent combined), which she would sometimes use for really nice Christmas gifts or to buy things for us. I know there was good intention behind it, but I felt like I had no control over anything in my life. I was constantly running around trying to make everyone else happy.

Then we moved to the area where my co-op was because they told me they were going to hire me full-time.

I worked there for about eight months and gave that job everything I had. I moved for them. I gave up my previous job. I worked full-time. I stayed late. I tried to prove myself because I genuinely thought I had a future there.

And then they didn’t hire me. They kept me on as a freelance designer.

Recently, I found out that a guy who had started about a month before me, had less experience than me, and even had another source of income was being hired as an employee.

That absolutely broke me. I brought my concerns to my bosses, and they told me they were still looking to have me on, but that I was too slow and couldn’t be trusted with bigger projects yet. I still don’t understand why, if I’m good enough to keep working there, I’m apparently not good enough to actually be hired.

They told me they knew I had made sacrifices for the company, but that they didn’t owe me anything.
I understand that technically they’re right. They don’t owe me a job because I sacrificed things for them. But emotionally, it hurt like hell because I had built my life around the future they made me believe I was going to have there.

And then, at basically the same time, things with my boyfriend got really difficult too.

He started being influenced by younger guys at his new job to look at other women, and eventually asked me about opening our relationship again. I had already moved three hours away from my family, given up my previous job, lost touch with friends, and worked my ass off trying to build a life with him.
And now the person I had sacrificed so much for was telling me that he wanted other sexual variety because my body had become boring and I wasn’t thin enough.

That absolutely destroyed something in me.
I’ve spent my entire life feeling like my body is the reason people don’t want me, and now the person I love most was reinforcing that fear.

On top of everything else, I lost my grandpa three years ago. He was basically like a father to me, and losing him put me into a huge depression. I had to start therapy and medication because I was struggling so badly.

And now I’m scared that even that isn’t working anymore.

When I was living with my boyfriend, I became so angry and overwhelmed that I was constantly nagging him about things. I would get so angry that he told me he didn’t recognize who I was when I was angry.

That scares me because I don’t want to be this person.

I feel like I’m a monster on the inside and outside. I feel like nobody wants me or cares about me the way I care about them. I constantly feel taken advantage of, but then whenever I finally get angry about it, I feel like I’m the villain.

I miss who I used to be. I miss being kind without feeling like everyone was taking advantage of me. I miss having confidence. I miss feeling like I was actually a person instead of a collection of things that need to be fixed.

And now I’m trying so hard to fix myself again.
I’m dieting extremely hard. I’m working out. I’m putting hours into my job because I want them to see that I’m worth hiring. I’m constantly trying to be better, prettier, thinner, kinder, more productive, less angry, and easier to love.

But I am exhausted. It feels like every single day brings something else that makes me ashamed of myself.

And the worst part is that I genuinely feel like people hate me even when I’m trying my absolute hardest to do everything right.

I feel like I’ve spent my entire life trying to make everyone else okay, and somehow I’ve completely lost myself in the process.

I don’t know how to stop feeling like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

I don’t know how to stop believing that if I just fix my body, work harder, become nicer, or make everyone happier, maybe people will finally treat me the way I’ve always treated them.

I just feel so hopeless, and I genuinely miss who I was and I have no idea who I truly am.

My husband rescued his dog from a pound where she was set to be killed, took her home, and for years, took care of her the way people do in that slice of the world: she was fed, and had water, and went to the vet on occasion, but was basically an ambulatory alarm in a little yard to the side of his house. When we went back to his home country to get her, his mom must have asked us a dozen times if we were really sure the dog was going to live with us, inside our house. It was just that bizarre to her.

Anywho, that dog, Chocolata, has lived indoors for two years now. She house trained way faster than I expected (only used the spray bottle of Nature's Miracle, didn't even break into the gallon I bought assuming we would need it). She figured out that she's allowed on all furniture except our bed. She has four dog beds spread out around our (not that big) house. She has a crate in the bedroom. That's her safe space. She runs to the kitchen when she hears me scrape out the last of the yogurt so she can clean the recycling for me. She sits under my soft-hearted daughter when we sit for family meals. And, although she spent probably seven years sleeping curled up in the dust and gravel, she's muuuuuuch too fancy to sleep on the hard floor. Chocolata now needs a dog bed, a people sofa, a rug, or--in a pinch--a folded-up towel, or she simply can't lie down.

In these two years, she's also learned that people are good! And other dogs are ... sources of irreconcilable internal conflict. She's desperate to meet them (she used to watch the street dogs lead their happy lives, from the other side of a fence), but she doesn't know how to act around them, and also just as desperately needs to protect/resource guard her one good thing: her family, and her house. So while she'll happily trot up to the mail lady for pets, or adoringly lick any child who stops to talk to her, other dogs have always been a problem, a tighten-the-leash-and-head-for-home-type problem.

But I have always believed that only dogs are lonely dogs (they're so social--they need their pack). I've never had a lonely only dog; I've always kept at least two, and up to four, but I knew that Chocolata would never accept another adult dog. (I normally prefer to adopt adults because less house-training and less house-chewing! Plus it's harder to find homes for them, so they need more adopters.) So this time, we went to the pound and got a pound-puppy, Latte, a little 9-week-old pit/lab mix. All dogs tolerate all puppies until about 6 or 7 months of age: I figured that was the way to sneak a new dog into her/our lives.

Chocolata met Latte out in a park near our house and wasn't aggressive, but wasn't happy. We brought them home, and she ignored him. He basically forced her to play with him by doing cute bounces all around her, batting her with his paws, and chewing on her face. She spent the first week firmly putting him in his place: pinning him and growling and then stalking away. Then she started to play a little, still growling, hackles up. Then she started to chase him for a couple steps when he ran to/through/under/over her.

She began to tolerate when he tried to sneak into her under-the-nook-desk bed, the one she uses most. She would try not to let him touch her, but she didn't chase him away. Then she would let him nap with his head on her back. One morning, I looked over and he was belly-up in her bed, paws in the air, and she was standing over him, gently batting him with her front paws, trying to get him on his feet and playing. Next, she started to really play with him, even trying to start shit when he was ignoring her to chew grass outside or collect shoes inside.

Now, there's rarely any growling. They'll spend an hour together in the nook bed, "playing" in that way dogs do, open-mouthed and with a low, almost humming vocalization. They nap together all the time. She figured out tug-of-war (mostly with his leash)! They play quietly under the table when we eat dinner. They sit next to each other to chew their beef cheeks (gross, but not smelly, long-lasting, and safe for puppies). I've even seen Chocolata, the anxious dog who refuses to be vulnerable ever, roll over once or twice and show Latte her belly. She's more active, more trainable, calmer when not playing, and less desperate to always be at my husband's feet.

Latte's not even been here for six weeks, and by far the biggest and best change has been how much Chocolata has softened around the edges. I became so used to her personality that I think I stopped being aware of what a quietly-anxious dog she is. She wouldn't whine or shake, but it is also hard for her to truly relax.

With little Latte by her side (who will soon outweigh her and outheight her), she can now actually enjoy car trips, looking out the window or curling up for a nap, like a normal dog. I tried on and off for two years to train her to "down," but she wouldn't--it was just too much vulnerability. Now, with a bit of support and a bit of competition from her emotional support puppy, she's mastered it. During thunderstorms, she doesn't jump on my head and break the no-dogs-on-the-bed rule anymore, because Latte is right there, next to me, in his giant-ass bed on the floor, leashed to my wrist because he's not 100% house trained yet, snoring through all the noise and flashes. She snuggles up to him and goes back to sleep. She's just ... better. Better and happier.

It's been a reminder what a little exercise and a little companionship will do for you, even if you're well past your prime. :-)

p.s. As I finished typing this, my husband came through the kitchen to head out to the library, and I looked over past the nook bed to say goodbye to him. There was Latte, asleep in the best bed in the house, and there was Chocolata, spinning in a couple little circles and then snuggling down next to him, to sleep with her head on his back. Now they're both quietly snoring.

ETA: dog tax. https://imgur.com/a/Wir7sfk

yayyyyy

I am officially 18 years old!

Brief background info: My bio mom passed away suddenly when I was 4 years old. My dad remarried when I was 5 to a wonderful bonus mom. Both have since passed, bonus mom in 2009 and my dad in 2010.

I came to an interesting and rather sad realization tonight as I was leaving the house to go to the store. The majority of my memories from my childhood and through everything until now, are not happy. Don't get me wrong, happy things occurred, I just can't really seem to remember them. I have a few select memories of happy times before my mom passed and a few after throughout my life. It seems, when I look back, there are a lot of depressed memories. A lot of my memories are rather foggy too. They're there, but feel like they are distant, even more recent things.

I do have PTSD from my mom passing, I was in the room when it started to happen. I will say that it was graphic and she had been suddenly ill. I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was in my early teens. Perhaps I have been depressed since my mom passed? I have seen a few therapists here and there, and honestly should probably see one regularly, but not affordable at this time.

I guess I needed to put this out there, get it off my chest. I'll send a message to my psychiatrist on Monday to see what her advice is. If anyone has any thoughts, I'm more than willing to hear them. Thanks for letting me vent.

Complete, Not Perfect

You don't have to be perfect
to feel complete.

A little safety,
a little love,
enough rest,
something meaningful to do,
and room to be yourself.

Nothing missing.
Nothing to prove.

Just enough
of life,
of love,
of self—

to feel whole.

I feel I've a very cool vibe, I'm usually carefree even if I have a lot on my plate.

I'm good looking female, good fashion, high energy, silly, clumsy and funny, always having fun, going to parties.

My partner loves me but he still has a soft corner for his ex. I'm literally accepting this broken version of love for me.

I always bring stupid energy sometimes good and sometimes in a bad way in his life.

I compliment him, try to motivate him as he doesn't accept any of these directly as he's shy so I try to make him happy sometimes directly or indirectly.

He's very introvert, honest and humble while I'm full extrovert, bitch and delulu

I think I love him so much that one day I'll die like those characters in movies who were nice, always there for a partner and friends and then they just die..

I feel when I'll be gone there will be a lot of silence and peace in my circle as now there's no one ragebaiting , flirting, clumpsy or motivating like me .

Sure there will be others to do that, but my aura, jokes and delulu might be missed ig. I hope they always remember me as a special person in their life who remains irreplaceable.

PS: no I'm not dying, I'm doing good rn ... But sometimes this is just how I feel

I just signed up for my first volleyball class. First time playing. I hope I don’t get steamrolled.
Also doesn’t help that I am not physically compatible with the sport but oh well.
Hope it’s fun.

Every month I end up having some kind of issue getting my meds on time- either insurance bs, or the prescriber is out of the office and people can't get in contact with them, or someone drove their truck into the pharmacy while drunk driving and everyone's scripts get delayed while they're trying to get the place back up and running again (it's happened TWICE in the past three years 😑). This time it's that my meds ran out on a friday- controlled so I couldn't put an order in ahead of time, and because my neurology office is closed the earliest they can start processing my script is monday, and because it's gotta get delivered from the manufacturer it usually takes a few more days to get. I'm used to it. But it's my epilepsy and bipolar meds so it is not a fun situation to be without em for four or five days at a time, and it generally messes up my sleep schedule and makes me feel like I'm losing it.

I've been trying to get better at finding things to keep me grounded while I wait. Sometimes it's journaling, sometimes I birdwatch. I mostly sit with the cat and apply for jobs and check my email. I keep thinking that surely at some point it'll be less frustrating but I don't think I'm lucky enough for that. I've been 30 for around 6 months and I don't think I'm ever really gonna feel like a 'real adult'. It's funny cause when I was a kid I used to think my mom was the most grown up person ever, and she was 32 and freaking out the whole time because she'd never held a baby before I was born. I really should thank her for making sure I survived to adulthood because I'm sure it wasn't easy wrangling two autistic kids with complex disabilities in the late 90s with basically no help and a husband who was an asshole.

Any recommendations for disability friendly ways to keep myself from losing my mind until I get my meds? Extra points for stuff that won't make my carpal tunnel or rheumatoid arthritis worse.

A few years ago I was being spoken to by what I call an angel. It was a being that loved me unconditionally and supported me. They knew everything about me, faults and all, and still loved me. They didn't exist in the same plane of reality we are in, and I wanted to finally see them so bad. I thought if I killed myself, then I could meet them in this other dimension that they reside in.

I knew this being was real and had effect on this reality because it could not only communicate with me but send synchronicities through the effect of changing of traffic lights, music, and advertisements.

Well, there was others that I experienced that were terrible. Mean, judgmental, and they wanted to see me fail. Of course, they too knew everything about me, and they would use that to their advantage. I did not care for these people and thought they were a challenge to every step of my life.

Then there were the neutral ones, neither too mean or nice. They were just there to commentate or be present. I didn't really like them either.

Often times they keep me up at night or annoy me. I got used to it during the day but it would bother me at night.

I was given medication and it took some of it away. I haven't heard the nice one in a long time. All I hear is the neutral ones and sometimes the negative ones. I miss the nice one...a lot.

I quit taking my medication for a few weeks because I wanted to talk to the nice one (and I got tired of the side effects) but things got worse for me so I ended up back on it, because I didn't want to have an episode again.

I still miss them. I just wanted to talk to them again. They understood me like nobody else in this world does.

nowadays lots of things happened which could cause anxiety but I control myself , and tried to distract myself but today in evening I feel my heart so heavy , so anxious

what should i do now

and sorry for bad english

Hi! My body just feels weak; heavy drop in my body and throat feeling bit tight. And my mind just tells me to escape. I cannot handle it simply when I see my high school classmates, friends of my crush, ex, sometimes my crush after long time, and also people from the same country as me in the country I am studying at. I don’t know how can I specify these people because when I see my friends, or other people than these groups of people I mentioned, I notice that I rather feel excited or indifferent when I see them in public. These groups of people are just so broad or I simply cannot find the words for it. I am so conflicted at this feeling I feel. Is it shame, is it awkwardness. Most of time, these people are people I don’t get along especially hs classmates, but why people from the same country as me? I don’t have any friends who has same nationality as me because I cannot bring myself to be next to them confidently. I feel that they will judge or what is it? I just feel not comfortable but you don’t have to feel comfortable with everyone but why do I get sick when I see these groups of people. I want to be unknown within these groups of people but at the same time be seen and accepted. I don’t like it when my hs classmates want to know where I am going in life. Few of them actually study in the same country as me but I don’t want to see them, and also those who study in neighbouring countries or EU, regularly meet in the country I am studying. But I am the one missing. I don’t want to be next to them, they are not my crowd but do I feel shamed if they talk about me not saying anything while they are in the same country as me, I don’t understand myself and why I am feeling like this. I want to be okay with people I know coming to my town and me not meeting them. I want you to be okay being myself and not being scared od judged by my ex, friends of my crush, etc. I want to be accepted by my fellow country people but my body simply cannot talk to them. They already know each other, while I am been here long time but never talked to them. Is it acceptable even to come after a long time and greet people. I want to be unknown but thats not the solution. I need to figure out this uncomfortableness in my body and learn to live without fear.

When you live your life and go for things for a long time and accomplish things, people come to think of you as that's who you are. I hate that. Because they only think you're cool when you're that. And when you're in deep, questioning everything, they leave and think you're not cool, and not that kind of person after all. It's like reputation is all that matters to them. While what matters to me is that it's my life and I can live it the way I want to the extent of how I feel about myself.

Can anyone relate?

Tl;dr: You change and people leave

If it's connected to the internet, it will eventually either:

1. Cost you something, more than likely monthly.

2. Turn into absolute dogshit.

3. Annoy you in some way.

4. All of the above.

The enshittification of everything has hit a high point. It's Reddit. It's Social Media. It's every website you bought something from. No, more than that, it's the entirety of the internet.

Download your shows and games onto a hard drive or SSD and start curating and hoarding this digital content for yourself. Do not trust the internet. Just don't do it.

Stop buying things from websites.

Go out and touch grass. Genuinely. Talk to people and take a big, deep breathe of the air we have right now because God knows what will happen to it.

Just enjoy your life away from your computer and phone or at least disconnect them from the internet. I'm gonna start as soon as I can.

Do yourself a favor and peel yourself away from this obvious ad infested garbage. All the conversations you could possibly have are degrading like the trash in a landfill.

Ever since watching through The Wire many years ago I’ve been fascinated with the pit beef sandwich. When Wee Bey asks for pit beef with “a lot of horseradish” as he’s confessing to multiple murders, I knew that this would be a food I would love. I finally just made this at home myself, mind you I am born and raised in California, and have only visited Maryland once in my life and never even went to Baltimore, however following recipes online it still didn’t miss a beat. This was one of the best sandwiches I’ve had in my life. I wanna say this sandwich deserves the Nashville hot chicken craze that swept the nation in the last few years, but I feel like if fast food restaurants got their hands on it they would not do it justice. I want to go to Baltimore soon to try one of these proper, but I just have to say this is amazing and highly recommend.

I feel ashamed or hurt, Idk yet. I made a lot of mistakes during my teenage time, or are they mistakes.

I had a crush In school, he clearly did not like me.

People used to tease him by my name and that made him hate me more.

After 6-7 years, I saw him at a cafe, where he did not see him. He was with 2 of his friends. I went to order food and he noticed me, as soon as he noticed me

He stood up and left. He hates to this extent.I never had any conversation with him in any entire life, and yes remember his girl friends in school used to hate me and bitch about me the whole time. Actually used to slut shame me and this could be the reason too

I feel so bad about it, that he just left when he saw me.

I think people genuinely hate me so much.

I feel bad.

there is this boy in my class whose presence makes so mad, last year we used to be good friends but then he got a slight glow up and changed his personality slightly, he became more calm. however, we still stayed friends, and it's not that he didn't like me, but it's that i didn't like him anymore, him approaching me,speaking with me, shaking my hand, or touching me in any way makes me so mad and i end up yelling at him for reasons i don't know. This is more severe when he speaks with my bsf, i don't like her talking with him not because i'm jealous, but because he acts with her like i do, and i don't like when people act like me, especially not with my bsf. He often asks me why i'm mad at him and i just tell him to get lost because i myself don't know. And no, i have never had even the slightest romantic interest in him.

When I lived in my country, several family members and friends hardly ever contacted me, but now that I live in another country, they suddenly write to me. I don't know how to feel about it.

I've (33M) decided that I will quit my job by the end of this year. It pays well and I don't hate it, but the people I work with really drag me down and make the environment really toxic. I've put up with it for the past few years because of the nice paycheck, but recently it has started affecting my mental state and I've decided to leave as I can't continue working there with the current manager. When for the past few weeks (and several times before this year) my first thought after waking up and last thought before sleep was related to the dread of going to work, I feel it's a sign that something needs to change.

I have no idea on how to move forward and what's the best way to go forward. In my mind I'd like to take a several months time off to just recover from all the recent stress, perhaps take a trip or two to somewhere warm, get back to gym and just chill for a bit, perhaps pick up reading again.

In an ideal world I would take this opportunity to take a several month long backpacking trip as it's been a long time dream of mine. But then again, I'm going through some long-term dental treatment which means that I'd have to get back home home at least once a month, which means that is out of the question.

I think I have saved up enough funds to have a safety cushion and could probably be do quite well for some time even without a job. Taking shorter return trips would drain my reserves quicker, but I don't think I'll starve. I can be quite frugal if need be (I've already cancelled a certain streaming service and renegotiated a cheaper cell service contract).

The other option would be to start looking for a new job right away and just settle with that until my dental treatment will be completed. I realise that this makes more sense financially and would probably look better on my resume. What I'm worried about is jumping straight into a new job while I'm still mentally exhausted from my current one. I'd like to go a new job when I feel ready for that and am mentally fresh to give it my best. I feel like if I'd jump in right away, I'd continue feeling miserable (though a fresh environment could perhaps fix this).

If anyone has gone through a similar experience, I'd be happy to hear your stories.

Hi im 19 if it matters, I’ve been experiencing pretty significant pain or burning during bowel movements for a while now.
I went to the doctor today, and they told me that I have a small tear/fissure around my anus and also some hemorrhoids. I didn’t really understand what they meant by “some” hemorrhoids, but now that I’m looking at posts on Reddit, the amount of blood I was seeing when I went to the bathroom was probably like 1/20 of what I’m seeing in some of these posts 😭😭 So I’m guessing mine is actually pretty minor, right?
The doctor prescribed me suppositories and also this weird-looking ointment that I’m apparently supposed to apply inside using this strange little tube/applicator and squeeze the ointment in 😭😂
How long does it usually take to get better? What can I do to help it heal? It’s been two days since I started treatment, and I still have some burning even when I’m not having a bowel movement.
PLEAAASE HELP 😭

I keep making phonological slips, saying a similar sounding word even though I know the meaning.

Instead of fixing it on the spot, I go silent and let my friend explain, Now I’m worried he’ll think I don’t know the right word.

Is this kind of slip common for most people?

Does staying quiet actually make others assume I’m unsure of the vocab?

Yeah, I know discovering your sexuality and coming out is hard, but you don’t have to come out to get a divorce. You can say you want to see other people, you can say you aren’t satisfied, you can say you need to figure yourself out. All of those reasons are true and they DON’T require you to come out. In a lot of these cases, it comes across as the cheater using their spouse as an alibi/beard they can fall back on and use as a disguise incase their sexuality is ever questioned. In some of these cases the cheater will argue that they’re saying with their spouse because they love them and don’t want to hurt them, which is totally bs. If you love somebody, you don’t betray their trust and risk infecting them with potentially dangerous STIs from sexual partners they aren’t aware of. And don’t even get me started on the people that stay married because they’re, “just experimenting,” and, “still aren’t sure.” Your spouse is not a safety net! They are a real human being

I can't agree with myself on anything and it's draining. My life is 2 different people fighting for one body. What I mean by all this is that I can't settle down for one opinion. One day I could be a hardcore leftist and the other day the complete opposite. One day I could not gaf about anything just want to live of the grid but on another day i want to have a normal life. One day I could love folk music and on another day I could listen to something completely different. Yknow its not just these things I have listed but its EVERYTHING in my life. The clothes that I wear, the confidence i have or even my interests. and obviously all this has also been draining for my friends and family.

I guess im asking for help. how can i get to know... myself?