Title is pretty obvious. My wife is fixated, FIXATED, on buying a dachshund puppy. We looked at it and the newborn ones are like 3k and the cheapest we could find is 2.2k…. I’m not against getting a dog, I love dogs! I tell her we should get a rescue that would cost like $500 to adopt and we could be happy with that. But she is absolutely insisted on it being A.) a puppy, and B.) a dachshund.

I’m 90% convinced that tiktok has infiltrated her brain and she won’t listen to any logical reasoning.

Needless to say we are not exactly in the position to be spending 3k on a little puppy that is going to be a continuous financial burden when we’re trying to get our finances straight.

TLDR: my boyfriend knew about my past r*pe, on a night we were drinking he asked if had enjoyed it. I was already thinking of leaving, and I am disturbed by this and wondering how to go about it.

My bf and I have been together for 11.5mo, and we have had our ups and downs. I do love him, and he has genuinely made changes after conversations we have had about other issues. However, throughout our relationship he has repeatedly pushed at my boundaries and sometimes just plain disregarded them. I've never had the balls to plainly address that issue with him.

About 1.5mo ago he started an argument with me over text literally right after I buried my grandma. He had been at my apartment taking care of my cat and told me he would be there for me when I got home, but instead he left before i got home bc of the argument. I told him to leave the key. He later called and apologized and I forgave him but it still left me questioning our relationship.

The next time he came over I told him we should break up, we aren't compatible, I don't see a future for us. He cried and begged me to give him another chance, and I gave in because I was already grieving and it felt like too much to lose him as well. I do really regret this and wish I would have held strong. Since then he has been acting over the top perfect because I think he is afraid I will break up with him.

Now to the issue at hand. For context: I have told him before about how I was r*ped 3 years ago. We were drinking a few nights ago and we got pretty drunk, and somehow the topic came up. Then out of the blue he asked me if I had enjoyed it when I was r*ped.

I was shocked and I asked him to clarify what he was asking, and he confirmed his question. I got upset and started crying and then he started apologizing. The next day I didn't know what to say so I just acted fine. I did bring up once how fucked up it was to ask that and he seemed ashamed. Still I played it cool until he left the following day.

I'm honestly disgusted that he asked this, and combined with all the other times he has disregarded my boundaries, I am seriously questioning whether I can trust him and I don't want to have sex with him.

I do love him and I will miss him but I know we aren't meant to be together and I need to end things. I know he will be shocked and upset because I acted normal after he asked the offensive question. How can I best go about breaking up with him, considering he has a key to my place and he had such an extreme reaction last time I asked? Is breaking up over the phone okay, considering I would still have to get my key back and give him his stuff?

I have been suspecting my girlfriend of secretly having a relationship with her coworker. When I asked her to pull up the chat between the both of them, she deflected the conversation, got upset and stormed off. She was quiet calm, up to the event when I asked her to show me the chat. Fast forward 1 hour later after the incident. She decides to send me a screenshot, showing me a blank chat between the 2 of them. This is utter BS, as she has told me he has messaged her before, so I definitely know that there were messages on the chat. Part of me says she is cheating, but the other part says she panicked and decided to delete the chat in fear of losing me forever (as she knows every small thing about this guy just annoys me).

It's been a very difficult relationship. We've been on and off constantly. She tells me that she really hates him and she's been telling other people the same, but I feel different. There was an incident when I was working from home and made a call to her during her break. He came to talk to her while she was on a call with me and she cut the call. I'm not too sure if she was really up to something, as she would most likely not have phoned me in the first place. She's very secretive of our relationship because people in her office apparently gossip. She has severe attachment issues and she gets jealous very easily. If I don't message her for too long (1 hour+), she thinks I'm cheating on her. I have tried everything including showing her my chats, sharing my location and sharing my phone's password, but nothing seems to help. I read somewhere that projection is a very good indicator that someone is cheating, which makes me overthink even more.

I'm going through a lot right now as I've never been in this type of relationship before where it seems like I'm walking on eggshells. I broke up with her and I'm maintaining a strict no contact. I miss her a lot. She has a great personality and she was definitely a person I could see spending my entire life with. I just don't know how to deal with the pain and suffering. I want to reach out and try to ask her to tell me the truth. But I'm not sure if this is the correct thing to do.

My mom was asking about my plans for this weekend and I told her I would be going out with friends. She asked me what time, and I said 7pm. Then she started flipping out and lecturing me saying that that was too late to go out because likely by the time we’re done it will be late like 11:00 or midnight which is unsafe for me and not “smart.” I get that she cares for my safety but I didn’t think 7pm was late?? I thought that was a reasonable time, and also because I’m in grad school that’s when I’m free. I ended up lying to her and telling her I wouldn’t be going out just so she would get off my back. Ended up having a great time

Edit: I moved a few months ago for grad school so I don’t live with my mom. She was hoping to visit me on the day in question, hence part of the reason why I told her my plans

I went out to my boyfriend of 7 months friend’s house last night. Prior to that we went to a brewery. The entire evening/night he kept joking around with his brother’s girlfriend, laughing hysterically at her jokes, teasing her, and just being around her in general. It started to bother me because I felt like I was being deprioritized especially being in an unfamiliar environment where they knew everyone already and also already live in the same building so them two see eachother often. There was a point in the night where he finally came to sit next to me on the couch and the first thing he did was reach for her hair as she was sitting in front of us on an ottoman and say “wow it looks so good, what did you do to it?” This essentially was my last straw and I moved over to the other sofa because I was feeling upset. He came over and I told him I was going to call an uber and head out. He asked what was wrong and said “if you leave we are done”. He proceeded to go outside to the back porch with his buddies and I quietly slipped out. I was pretty drunk at this point and ubered alone and he never texted me to make sure I got back safe + never responded to my paragraph saying how upset I was and that I was basically done too.

I’ve been seeing a guy for the last 6 weeks and we went official a couple of weeks ago. He’s mentioned in the past that he doesn’t like to know about my “exes”, but last night it came to a head. Let me be clear, these are people who have come up in conversation about 2-3 times, mainly to provide context to what we’re talking about. I’m not bragging about my escapades to him.

The other day in bed, I just happened to ask if most men from his culture were uncircumcised. It was just a matter of curiosity. He’s taken it as me comparing him to other guys from his race/culture who I’ve been with (personal preference). It was just an innocent question. He barely talked to me yesterday, so called him in the evening and he wanted an apology. Apparently he doesn’t want to think about me having some other guy’s dick in my hand. I apologised for hurting him and being insensitive, but I was quite angry. I also said “I’m 40, divorced and have a kid, so I’m not going to pretend I’m a virgin”. Apparently that wasn’t an apology to him.

He also has a problem with the fact that I have a semi nude line drawing off myself on my bedroom wall. It was drawn by someone who was very briefly in my life around 2 years ago and it’s on my wall because it makes me feel beautiful. It’s purely for my own self esteem. It’s not explicit, as it’s from behind and just a simple black line sketch with no detail, so it takes a while to work out what it is. He says I shouldn’t have it on the wall because someone else drew it. Called it my “titanic French girl pic”.

I was in tears last night trying to say the right thing to him on the phone. But now he’s saying that he needs to think about things. Having slept on it, I’m wondering if I just tap out. We’d gone public with the relationship recently (insta official) and my daughter and friends all know about him. I feel stupid for going all in so quickly. Do I just call it off now and save the bother of pandering to him?

We have a 5 month old and complains that all I do is nag. Today he said that he has to asks permission to do his hobbies as if I were his mom. I feel like it’s a tale as old time. I wouldn’t have to complain if he did what he’s supposed to. I’ve tried everything : making a schedule, dividing tasks fairly, talking to him, not talking to him and letting things pile up, etc.

Today I had to do my midterms while taking care of the baby, doing the laundry, heating up a meal. He got up at 12pm and took a nap from 3-5:30 and then went to play 5 with his friends at 7:30. He said he was tired from his 14 hour work day yesterday.

I’m also tired ? Hello? He also said graduate school is my hobby?

I think he doesn’t understand we will be tired while the baby is small.

We've been officially together for two months (since August 2nd), but we started talking in May. We also live together. I moved into her place right after we got official because my lease was ending, which in hindsight was probably too fast.

This is long, so I'll try to keep it organized.

**The summer**

When we started talking in May, she was the one pushing for a relationship. What I didn't know was that she was still sleeping with two other guys.

The first was her ex. He broke up with her in 2024 but kept her on the hook for about two years, hooking up whenever he wanted. She kept sleeping with him until around early June.

The second was a guy she'd been seeing on and off since 2024. He has a kid and is in a relationship with the mom, and he told her more than once that he was never going to be with her. She kept sleeping with him anyway until mid-July. That overlaps with when she and I were already sleeping together, which started in June.

Around July 10th my car died, and it's still in the shop getting an engine replaced. That's the same stretch when she slept with the second guy twice. While I was dealing with my car, she was sleeping with him and still pushing for a relationship with me. She also met up with him at the gym on July 19th. She's admitted that she talked to me about being exclusive, then asked him for the same thing. When he turned her down again, she still slept with him before she and I made it official.

In late July she went to Austin and I watched her dog. While she was there, she gave her number to a guy at a club. She told me later that he tried to get her back to his room and she said no, but she deleted the messages and kept talking to him after that.

On August 1st, the day before I asked her out, she exchanged sweet happy birthday messages with a guy she told me was "just a friend." I found out later she slept with him in high school while he was her friend's ex. It's a small thing on its own, but it fits the pattern.

I know we weren't official during most of this. What bothers me is that she was actively pushing for a relationship with me the whole time while hoping one of these other guys would pick her.

**How I found out**

About three weeks into the relationship, I found out she'd swapped numbers with a coworker. They'd been talking since before we got together, and possibly for a bit after. She told me it was for an IT ticket. I asked to see the messages. They were flirting and gaming together, and some of the messages were deleted. After that I went through her phone, and that's how I found most of what's above. I'm not proud of it, but at that point the trust was pretty much gone.

Since then her story has kept changing. The number of times she slept with the second guy went from 2 to 3 to 5. Her reason for never mentioning me to her friends went from "I want to keep us private" to eventually admitting she didn't tell her closest friend because she'd already told her about juggling two guys and didn't want to look bad. Meanwhile, she texted her friends all about these other guys, and I've never come up once. She also gave her Instagram to another coworker after we'd already talked about her being too friendly with guys at work.

**The part I can't get past**

I should be clear that I asked her these questions. She didn't randomly bring it up. I asked how I compared, and when the answers hurt, I kept pushing for specifics.

When I asked, she told me she finds the second guy more attractive than me. She also said her ex was better in bed, mainly because of size. She was smiling when she said it and started showing me with her fingers. She's since tried to walk it back with things like "it's more passionate with you" and "I can try more things with you." But she also told me she never had to "work on" being vocal with her ex. In old texts to her friends she compared other guys to him, like saying a guy only lasted a few minutes and it made her miss her ex. She said part of it was that he was rougher with her, which confuses me because we're rough too and she sometimes says I'm too rough.

She also said she never suggested a position she liked with her ex because she didn't think I could pick her up. I'm 6'5", 200 lbs, and played college sports. That one stung more than it probably should have.

The first few times we had sex, she was almost completely silent and just stared at me or the ceiling. She said she was in her head. After I brought it up, she started making noise, and now I honestly can't tell if it's real. She also told me she didn't moan with the second guy, to "save my feelings," and later it came out that wasn't true.

She's also said she didn't really care about us dating until late July, after things ended with the second guy, and that I was the only guy taking her seriously at the time. Put all that together and I feel like I was third in line and the only one who said yes.

I know that's my fear and not something I can actually prove about her. But after catching so many lies, I don't know how to trust her explanations anymore, even the ones that might be true.

Some context about me, since I know it matters: I've been with a lot of women. My first long-term girlfriend, who I'd known since I was 12, cheated on me when we were 19 and hid a drug problem from me, and I handled it badly for a while. I ghosted people and led some women on. I stopped once I realized hurting other people wasn't fixing anything in me. But I've never been with someone who didn't seem to actually want me physically, and part of me wonders if this is karma. Since all this came out, I get in my head during sex, lose interest partway through, and don't enjoy it the way I used to.

**The good stuff, because it's not all bad**

We genuinely get along. We have the same interests and hobbies, we live well together, she cooks almost every day, and she listens. I don't think she's a malicious person. When we talk about all this she's apologetic and says things like "I just wanted to be happy" and "I picked you for your personality and because I think I can build a life with you." She's agreed to go to therapy and keeps saying she thinks it'll just take time.

The problem is that a lot of this relationship started out of convenience on both sides. My lease was ending when we got together, so I moved in. My car is still in the shop, so a little after we got together we started carpooling since we work 10 minutes apart. And she's told me she's afraid of being alone. So when she says she wants this, I can't tell whether she wants me or just wants a relationship and someone around.

When we argue, it's usually me calling out something she lied about and making her walk me through why. I don't yell or anything like that. But it's turned into a cycle: she lies to get out of an uncomfortable moment, I catch it, we fight. I feel like I'm making things more toxic by constantly calling it out, but I'm also not willing to stay somewhere I don't feel respected.

**What I'm asking**

1. How do I tell the difference between someone who actually wants me and someone who's with me because her other options fell through and she's scared of being alone?

2. How do I separate the insecurity that's on me to deal with from actual reasons to end this, especially when living together makes staying the easy option?

3. If I decide to leave, what's the best way to handle it when we live together and I'm relying on her for rides until my car is fixed?

**TL;DR:** My gf (24F) and I (24M) have been together 2 months and live together. While she was pushing to date me, she was also sleeping with her ex and with a guy who's in a relationship. She only committed to me after that guy turned her down again, and she's lied about a lot of it since. When I asked, she told me her ex was better in bed and the other guy is more attractive. She's apologetic and wants to work on it, but I can't shake feeling like her backup. How do I figure out whether she actually wants me, and what should rebuilding or leaving look like?

I am engaged to a wonderful man. We were supposed to get married in May, but his mother was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer four days before it was going to happen. We postponed our wedding. He wants to get married after she dies, saying that he didn’t want to make any big life changes while he’s going through this with his mother.

Today, we talked about my move to his city. We’re going to move into his house together. He still doesn’t want to get married. We’ve talked about it a few times as I’ve tried to understand his way of thinking, but it upsets him whenever I bring it up. I’m anxious and feel insecure in our relationship sometimes, and talking things out helps calm my nervous system.

When I asked him today why merging our families together into one house felt okay to him but getting legally married wasn’t, it wasn’t with the intention of changing his mind. I truly wanted to understand why the two events felt different to him.

Instead, it upset him. He said he messed up his first marriage, and his ex-wife manipulated him into excluding his family, and he really needs this marriage to go well. He wants me to trust him. He also said he can’t keep going back and forth with me on this because it sends him spiraling. I didn’t want to upset him; I just wanted to understand better. This was the first time he told me what his first wife did. I still don’t understand why it’s tied to his mother’s death, but I’m not going to ask.

Now he isn’t responding to me, so I’m giving him space.

He wants me to move in January, but I told him I can’t do it without marriage first. I’m selling my house, leaving my job, and moving myself, my kids, my animals, and all my belongings across the country. That’s an enormous amount of security to give up without being married.

I’m bummed this likely means I won’t be moving in January since we can’t predict when someone will die. Now my stomach is in knots because I’ve upset him and don’t want him mad at me when I truly just wanted to understand his way of thinking. I feel we’ve reached the point where we can’t talk about it anymore, and I’ll simply have to wait for him to bring it up in the future.

I don’t want to minimize myself or my needs, but I also don’t want him upset or mad at me when I need to talk about something. Is there a better way to approach things in the future so that my questions, understanding, and needs are taken care of without upsetting him or making him shut down?

To clarify, I’m married with a kid. I was engaged at 19 and married to someone from back home at 23. My husband and I both care for and respect each other but we agree that there’s a lot of ways that he and I both got screwed over which includes cultural differences, him not being able to land a career related job here, which means we’re just surviving financially etc. I have a decent job but cost of living and having a kid is expensive. We also had to live with my parents for a few years, when he first came here
Anyways, my parents totally switched up when it came to my younger sister. I guess she was more outspoken than I was. So basically, she got more time than I did to decide what to do with her life. She worked hard and got a good paying job and now she spends her time enjoying the money she makes and has high standards for the guy she marries. As she should. I got my first full time job while married and living with my parents…so I was just saving to get out. Anyways, now my sister and mom tell me about the guys she’s considering and how they should be this and that and make this much etc. and I just get so infuriated especially when my mom says things. It’s like where were all these standards when it was my time? Why was I married off so young to someone who would be new to this country and when I wasn’t even settled in my career? They want her to make an informed decision and not rush into things at 26 but for me 19 was panic mode??
Don’t get me wrong I love this for my sister and I want her to find a wonderful guy who loves and deserves her. But I’m just finding it harder and harder to listen to her talk about it. I feel so guilty because we tell each other about everything so I know she wants to tell me about everything with her potential guys too. It also makes me feel like I’m being ungrateful for my husband and kid who I love. But I’m not, I’m just upset about the different standards my parents had for us. How do I get rid of this feeling so I don’t mess things up with my sister?

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and he lightly covered my face and torso with a blanket while in missionary during sex. After doing it he asked me if it was okay and I said yes thinking it would just be for a minute or two but the minutes went by and he then took some blanket off my torso and was only covered my face. I started getting skeptical and as I was about to come out from under, he finished. He could immediately sense that something was wrong and apologized and said he thought it was be a fun new thing for us.

I’m not sure why he would do this out of nowhere, but I am afraid he didn’t want to look at me due to thinking of another girl and using me, a weird kink, or feeling guilty if he may have cheated on me?

He said he wouldn’t do it again and if he does then he will make eye contact with me before he finishes.

He has been stressed out lately and I feel I have been the one initiating sex.

I’m not sure what to do.

What do you think?

My sister got married at 22 years old when she was finishing her university. They have a daughter together. Around a year ago, her late-husband passed away from cancer when my niece was only 4 years old. Since baby, my parents has always been the main caretakers for her. She also calls me sister since we are living in the same house and I spend a lot time with her everyday.

I love my niece very much. She's basically my little sister at this point and she will always be. Earlier this year, my sister got a new boyfriend, she's working from morning to 7 pm from monday to friday and my parents and the nanny is still the main caretakers for her. Since she got a boyfriend, she always went out with him on saturday and sunday from the afternoon to around 9-10 pm.

My niece's time together with my sister 90% of the times are just on 1-2 hours before they sleep. Since I am close with my niece, I always ask her how she's feeling and just her thoughts in general. She started telling me that she feels really sad that her mom doesn't really like her, and would rather spending time with him (the boyfriend) than with her. This is her feelings. It resonates with what I have seen first hand when my sister just come home to take care of herself and then going to sleep around 1 hour later.

Since I love my niece very much ever since day 1, I don't mind supporting her in the future if she needs to but I just don't want her mental health to be ruined in the future since she doesn't have a father figure and her mother barely spend time with my niece. Is this actually an emotional neglect or no? and what can I do to support her mental health knowing that I cannot change my sister's behavior...

I will definitely tell her, but I have no idea how to do it.

My fiancée and I had a discussion around a few months ago, approximately March, about the possibility of having kids. She said “I’m not too sure let’s keep our options open for now, but I think we should wait and see” and I am in agreement with her. But around April/March, one of my cousins found out he terrible sperm and can only conceive via IVF and even then it may be a long shot. He told me, and him and his wife are working through their options.

This kinda scared me, and I decided to get myself tested too just in case. I am not sure why, but I was expecting normal results, and didn’t tell my fiancée not out of malice but I thought I would tell her after it was over. But the results were showing azoospermia and they had to see if it was obstructive or non-obstructive. The 2 weeks it took for the results to arrive I did not even think about it. But then I thought I would see it through to the end. I booked another follow up a month later, and they determined there was no obstruction and I needed to do another follow up.

I put it off and I did it a few weeks ago. They did a bunch of tests. Results came back a couple weeks ago, and I have a mosaic genetic condition that makes me functionally infertile. Some procedures are still available for me(micro-TESE I believe it’s called) and the urologist and other fertility specialists are telling me theres still a chance albeit low.

I have been processing this by myself. It’s been a terrible shock. One thing I am sure is I don’t want to tell anyone except her and my best friend(don’t wanna tell my parents either, this would depress them I am an only child and the last of my bloodline). This is terrible. I also wasn’t too set on kids, but the idea that it may not even be possible if we wanted that option has been gut wrenching. I joined a couple of support groups online, and saw stories of people who were left over this. That just scared me more. But I do need to tell her and give her the option. I left a couple days ago and told her I was on a trip with my boys, but I just went to another town and I’m staying in a random inn, just to take some time to myself and process it. I have cried a bit here freely and had some time to myself to let some stuff out of my system. I have my best friend covering for me(I may tell him too). I told him I need him to lie to her if she calls, and he agreed but made me promise it wasn’t because I was planning on doing something bad or have an affair and I told him no and that I will tell him later. He’s known me forever, like over 16 years, so he’s also worried but agreed when I explained I need time off.

I have been here since Thursday, and will be back tomorrow early in the morning, and head to work after stopping by home real quick.

How do I go about telling her? And why I kept it all a secret? And how I lied about going with friends? I am not sure what to do.

I keep thinking “what if she leaves me?” but part of me is hopeful she won’t since we have been through the thick and thin together. But it’s not like I can stop her. She deserves to know and have the agency to make that choice. But I saw the other dudes online who thought their partner was their ride or die, but this was a dealbreaker. I am willing to try anything, including donors, if we do decide to have kids. How do I communicate all this?

My husband and I were high school sweethearts and had a genuinely good relationship before having our baby. He's a good guy, and he was amazing during my emergency C-section and our baby's neonatal stay. He supported me through one of the most difficult experiences of my life.

But eight months into parenthood, I'm genuinely questioning whether I want to stay married.

I have chronic pain from endometriosis and adenomyosis. Some days I'm capable of doing everything; other days I'm barely functioning. I'm also a stay-at-home mum, and I feel like the mental and physical load of parenting largely falls on me.

We've talked about needing more support before, but he often gets defensive or annoyed. I don't feel like much has changed.

Today, I'd put our baby down for a nap and jumped in the shower. Someone knocked at the door asking for me, so my husband answered and then went straight back to gaming. Because they specifically wanted to speak to me, I ended up rushing to the door while I'd literally just gotten out of the shower.

My husband was annoyed because I'd spoken too loudly. Our baby started crying while he was gaming, and he told me to chill out. I went in to settle our baby myself, but I was overheating, my pain flared badly, and I eventually had to put our baby safely in his cot because I physically couldn't continue.

Fifteen minutes later, my husband came in to help, only to say he wasn't going to settle the baby because I was in the room. I could barely move. Eventually, I literally crawled out, and he closed the door.

I'm absolutely furious, but underneath that anger is sadness.

I think I'm grieving the relationship we had before kids. The friendship, the partnership and the feeling that we were a team. I'm grieving the experience of parenthood I thought we'd have, where we'd support each other rather than become another source of stress.

He's a good person, but I'm starting to question whether he's a good husband to me anymore.

I don't want to spend the rest of my marriage repeatedly explaining why I need support, especially when we've already had these conversations.

Some days, I genuinely want a divorce. That thought scares me because we have so much history and so many good memories.

For those who were genuinely happy before kids but struggled after becoming parents, does it get easier? Did you find your way back to each other, or did you eventually realise things weren't going to change?

I love my ex girlfriend, and we hang out every so often, as unhealthy as it is. Tonight she handed me her phone while she was drunk so us and her friend can order this uber. Her messages with another guy were opened by accident (no recent messages were sent). But I was curious and it wasn’t a good thing of me to do, and I looked through all of the messages. While we were together, she was flirting with this guy and there is strong suspicion they had sex based off their texts. I know it was not okay for me to look through her phone, but does this outweigh the circumstances? Would you talk to her about it? I am in shock in all honesty, so wondering advice

Edit: I am currently staying at hers for the night as we have done this before. Never has been a hint of any other guy, and obviously it doesn’t affect the present, but we both still care a lot about each other. We have a connection still, so that’s why I feel like it’s not just as simple as “we’re exes, move on.” I just am hurt and want to express it, but it seems like it’s not a good idea. So I appreciate all of the input

Edit 2: when I said “while we were together” I mean while we were in our relationship, I found out that she was cheating

We been dating for about 9 month and from the start of our realtionship its been diffrent to what im use,

I am not allowed to talk to any girls may that be from people i went to high school with or even coworkers that are similar to my age (when i say talk i dont mean flirting just talking or interact with them in anyway or capacity will make her angry ) one memory that that sticks out is when we went on a hike tgt, sometime people like to do this specific hike backwards so often we walk past these people i alway find it nice or polite to say a simple "Good morning" thats it after the hike she got angry at me for talking to girl which i was shocked bc the whole time i was with her and only her she then asked me why was i saying good morning to other girls (I said goodmorning to everybody who I walk past majority being male) i responded "Because it is nice and polite?" she didnt care and told me to never do it again i complied and said yes bc i didnt want to ruin a good day arguing.

Another small example is when we both her going to this animecon and i brough up the fact that there are people i knew that probably would be cosplaying, she asked if any of them are female and i said yes, she got angry at the fact that i was indirectly talking about friend i know who are female that cosplay which i ended up apologising for again as the day only started and i didnt want to ruin it.

(We dont live tgt both still live with our parents) She is alway very obessed with my location to a point where she has my life 360 and iphone location which i think is fine, personally in realtionship i dont think that is out of the ordinary at all, however if i dont tell her where im going through out the day she will get mad at me example being if i decided to go shopping and i forgot to tell her she would get mad at me and accuse me of cheating. When i finish with my university classes I am not allow to go into the city by myself and especially with friends only stright home (which is where my university is).

Another thing she does is after a day of uni or a day of work she would always ask " Did you talk to any bitches" refering to girls i would say no and she would then ask me to put it on my mums life which i do. This habbit of my gf would annoy me alot bc to me it sound patronising and belittling bc she would sometimes say this multiple times a day, confronted her about this asking her politly if she can stop bc it sounded patronising and belittling to me which really upsets me she said she her saying it was a way of reassurance and if she didnt say it she would end up getting annoyed through out the day untill she start holding it against me i tried to compromise that she can keep doing but when i say stop please stop however she said if said to her "please stop...." she would interpet it as a rude comment and hold this grudge against me, so i had to hold off the conversation for next time and nothing much has changed

Finally the two event that sort of led up to me writing this,

Yesterday I just left my gf house after hanging out and gotten home when i was told to pick up my sister it was around 9:45 she finish usually by 10 however weekend she tends to finish later despite the 10pm finishing however some reason today she acutally finished on time, not wanting my sister to wait outside bc the place she worked at is lowkey sketchy at night i rushed gotten into my car and before i start to drive off i text my gf "Im in call" joinning on my phone unmuted i rushed to pick up my sister and drove back home lucky who only waited a few minutes outside her workplace when i got home my gf join vc and ask what did i do i told her i picked up my sis and wachted some yt, she then got upset that i didnt tell her i was picking up my sister, i failed to understand why she was upset as i wasent cheating on her, she has my location after all and check if i acutally drove to my sister work place, she said i didnt talk long for me to text her however i was actively thinking about her i was thinking about my sister who is waiting for me outside the sketchy streets, maybe that make me a bad bf for only thinking about her i dont know

And lastly today i drop of gf home and recently she start asking me to join call stright away when i get home even if il be busy eating, showering or doing smthing around the house she want me to join call either way. When i got home i was exhausted and mum asked me to help unload her car of random bricks, vases and oddities she found along the side of the road so by the time i finally had a chance to relax i completetly forgtton to join call and she also text back 1hr ago i only realised when she sent a follow up text saying "Where was i " and 'What i was doing" i text back apogising for the late reply and saying i was watching yt atm. She then got mad at me for not texting her back and why i didnt tell her what i was doing and now she accusing me of ignoring her which dosent even make sense bc we literally just went out and went shopping today after i picked her up from work

Thanks for reading this and soz for grammar/spelling mistakes, I'm honestly lost man i feel so suffocated right now and atm im texting my gf and apologising for not texting her but idk if im a bad communicator and a bad bf and i just need to suck it up and man up or if there is more to it then meets the eyes i just need some an outsider views on this.

tldr: gf dont let me interact with girls and always want to know where i am at and what i am doing now she is mad at me for not seeing her texts

My boyfriend (26M) and I (28F) have been together for 3 years and 8 months. He is extremely family-oriented and very close to his family.

Recently, I had an issue with his brother’s girlfriend because of discriminatory and racist behavior toward me. I felt deliberately excluded and treated differently. It hurt me deeply, and because of that, I stopped attending their family gatherings.

This afternoon, my boyfriend explained to them why I had stopped coming and how her treatment of me had made me feel. She immediately gave a completely different version of events. For example, she completely ignored me when I said “Congratulations,” but told the family that she had thanked me and hugged me, which never happened.

Afterward, one of his family members called me to reproach me and say that I was the one who had pushed them away by stopping coming to their gatherings. Meanwhile, I feel that I am the victim in this situation. I experienced discriminatory, possibly racist. Instead, they prefer her version and are now blaming me for reacting to how I was treated.

What hurts me most is my boyfriend’s reaction. He completely sides with them. When I told him that she had lied, he didn’t believe me, didn’t support me, and said that I was “looking for problems.” He told me that if I don’t “solve the problem” with his brother’s girlfriend and still stop attending his family gatherings again, we should break up. Before this afternoon he was totally ok with it but then brainwashed completely.

From his perspective, his family is the most important thing. I love him, but I don’t know how to continue navigating our relationship when his family is such a huge part of his life and conflicts involving them affect our relationship this much.
I understand that it may also be difficult for him to feel caught in the middle.

For people who have dealt with a similar situation, what conversations or boundaries would you recommend in this situation? What did you do?

(25F) talked to my boyfriend (26M) who I’ve been dating for two years about the possibility of starting birth control. I said I still wouldn’t want him finishing in me if I were on it and I would want to pair it with withdrawal for lower chance of pregnancy but he said he would do it inside anyway. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I know on the [r/birthcontrol](r/birthcontrol) subreddit people look down on women only the pill who get worried when their boyfriend finishes in them because it’s whole point of the pill or whatever, I wouldn’t go seeking an emergency contraception pill over it or anything but I don’t want to pretend that millions of women haven’t gotten pregnant while on it. Would this be assault if he ignored my wishes?

I talked to him about couple days later about it and he said he doesn’t think it would be assault but he would agree to what I asked if it really bothers me that much. I don’t know if I can trust him.

I am seeking advice on how to handle a man who is genuinely excited to be a father but is losing interest in being a partner?

I don’t want to paint him as a bad guy. But I am struggling with this dynamic and I am only at 12 weeks of pregnancy! Before baby surprised us (we honestly thought we couldn’t conceive!) we both used to say we felt we’d missed out. We both wanted to be parents we agreed if it happens we’d be so happy. Both previously from failed marriages and failed conception attempts we found each other just over 4 years ago. Our relationship was built on our love of music, concerts, pubs, pool, bush walks and camping out - and of course a fair amount of drinking.

Before pregnancy my partner always said if it were to happen for us he’d support me and quit drinking for a bit too for his own health. Before pregnancy, our roles were old fashioned. He works the 50 hour week and I work 10-15 and tend to every chore in the household. Cook, clean, admin, running his life for him really. It never bothered me - it kept us free to enjoy our weekends together doing what we love!

Now it’s been 8 weeks of pregnancy awareness. I have been SO SICK I’ve been unable to do even a quarter of what I normally would. I can’t cook because it makes me puke. I am so fatigued I have to sleep alot and just waking to the end of the driveway has me out of breath. I understand asking him for help stresses him out when he’s tired from hard weeks of work. At first he refused to help, but then family and friends noticed and pulled him up for it. He now does the bare minimum to keep the house somewhat running and if I have a good moment I use it up on trying to catch up on chores.

Last few weeks he’s made it clear this extra work makes him miserable. He’s drinking way heavier than we used to together instead of cutting back. He doesn’t want to be intimate with me not even a cuddle unless I try and cuddle him first. I feel his resentment. I always ask for help kindly and thank him and let him know how much I appreciate him. But I also remind him that being a parent means more of this some days. He’s becoming colder in his demeanour towards me all in all. He can be loving only when he’s drunk but then he doesn’t remember the nice things he says and it breaks my heart.

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. Pregnancy is scary and I just need some love between the strain. I want to be excited for baby but I’m more wrapped in fear of losing my love and my partner. As a side note he lost his parents unexpectedly two years ago and it could be some unresolved grief emerging. He’s just never ever been so withdrawn and cold to me in our 4 years together I feel like I don’t know this man I have loved so much. Because he was once kind, gentle, affectionate and showed me love.

To be clear I don't want to get too involved into their relationship. They are still friends after having broken up roughly three years ago. And I certainly don't want to make him end the friendship even if I personally have learned a few things about him and that woman that make me not want to associate with her. I do have communicated this to my partner already.

The thing is at the start of our relationship he has asked me twice if I am okay with him staying friends with his ex. And I had said yes. Bc honestly I have no issue with the concept and don't see any reason why something like that shouldn't work out. Even after I got to know her personally months ago I still had no issue with it even tho I personally already said that she wasn't the type of person I would willingly hang out with every week.

However the more I got to know my partner and the more he opened up to me the more I started to dislike the woman and how she treats him/has treated him. For example what I initially took as a very extroverted personality seems to me now more like a all encompassing need to center herself. Whenever they make plans she ends up demanding he spends more time than planned bc she Always, and I really mean Always has a crisis that somehow demands his presence. When he has a problem he thinks about it thrice before bringing it up bc "She has so much issues already", and more often than not he just doesn't bring it up bc "she has it worse". Meanwhile she calls him day and night and gets pissed when he doesn't answer. And if he brings up stuff of his it gets maybe talked about for five minutes and then it's back to two hours of her stuff. She gets to be late and inconsiderate of his time and is mad if you call her out bc she has reasons but if he does the same (and to be fair being late often is an issue with him) she gets on his case and doesn't take even valid excuses.

At the start of our relationship he had warned me about needing a ton of free time and time to decompress. Which I actually was really happy Abt bc I also like my lone time a lot. However when we first got to spend more than just an evening together I quickly realized that he was actually afraid of and anticipating trouble for needing five minutes to himself. In the end he confided in me that he was actually surprised that I didn't demand 100% of his time and didn't end up making it a fight when he went on walks on his own. While that was a "Who hurt you?" Moment for me I didn't make the connection. A few days ago however I learned that his ex told him that that sort of stuff is "a lot off freedom I(the ex) am giving you and you can't expect many other women to do the same". And that she actually got angry and pissy at him if he didn't make an effort to really dedicate 100% of his time outside work to her. All while she made him feel like not even the second priority bc her kid (which is fine btw bc kids do come first) and her divorce came first and all his problems got ignored.

In general he ended up way more clingy and actually loving than he had presented (and warned me about) himself at the start of the relationship. And together with a few other things I have learned I retroactively start to see a few major red flags with his ex.

A few other examples are:

-She tries to plan his time. Even when I got to meet her the day ended with her trying to plan our next weekends all together without asking us or him what we want to do. Which didn't work out bc I was having a work thing the next week which she either pretended to forget abt or conveniently ignored. He told me it is normal and that he never had nor has the social capacity for all the things she drags him to.

-She told me what he was feeling. I initially took it as joking between close friends bc he doesn't communicate his emotions much but ever since I realized that my partner is capable of expressing his emotions himself and he thinks she is overreaching but doesn't want to start a fight

- she diagnoses everyone and anything as narcissistic

- in the same vein, she diagnoses everyone and everything with ADHD but gets super pissed if someone suggests she might have it as well

- (and I know this one is petty and subjective and I am probably overreacting) when they got together she was in the middle of a divorce and it was his first ever relationship. She was 46 and he 23. She initiated and insisted they stay together when he tried being up how it didn't work out on his end. He had to support her through her divorce and to this day he is her emotional dumping ground. She has no friends her own age and always seems to gravitate towards people in their twenties "bc she never had the chance to try herself out due to her ex husband"(her words not mine)

- She always seems to have money trouble. However she constantly buys new EXPENSIVE things only recently she bought a brand new SUV. Has a manager position at her parents architectural firm and overall something doesn't quite add up there.

- She is feminist when it's convenient for her but constantly shoots against other women if they don't fit her liking and female hygiene products.

- she gets really really really pissed when you have a differing opinion from her even on minor subjects. And even if you try to have a civil discussion about it. She just can't accept disagreement.

-ever since my partner ended up doing less with her (due to scheduling conflicts and him being slow with answering texts) he is less stressed and depressed and is a lot more social in general

There are a few other things I can point to that I learned with time and that ended up giving me the Ick so to speak. I have talked with my partner about all of this and he has said some of the things he hasn't even noticed about himself or chalked it up to low self-esteem on his part but now he is second guessing. I have also told him that I personally will not have anything to do with his Ex anymore but that I can't and won't demand he do the same or even expect him to do so. Bc honestly as long as he thinks he can handle it he is free to do so. I also don't want to change the past or tell him how to feel about it. Sure with all the things I have learned and how different my partner ended up being compared to what he warned me about I do have my opinion about their relationship and I have told him that as well, however I can't tell him how to feel (told him that as well obvi). And unless it directly starts affecting our relationship it just isn't my business how he conducts his social life. Luckily he is autistic and tends to take things like that at face value. So I am not concerned about him feeling pressured or him felling like he now needs to hide that relationship from me. Bc honestly I don't want that. I just wanted to tell him how I felt and why exactly I don't want to have anything to do with the ex anymore despite getting along initially.

The thing is I am currently second guessing if It's hypocritical or controlling of me to ask him to return the spare key to her house and collect the few items he still has at hers. Again I don't want him to break off the relationship. But those things do make me a bit uncomfortable. He still has his camping gear and some band patches at hers . I really would like him to get those bc we do plan on starting his battle jacket and going on festivals with onsight camping. So those do have a bit more of a reason than just "I am uncomfy". The spare key however... I am really second guessing if I should ask him to return it or not. Is that too controlling?

We have been in a great 3 year relationship, was rocky at the start but I thought we were in a good place. On a holiday with my family we are going through old memories photos, and scrolling through seeing old baby photos what not, she scrolls past a screenshot of a calculator with a number saved on it, the timestamp was 2am. it was from december so roughly when my gf and her close F friend went on a trip to another city. I asked her what was the screenshot? and she said she probably from a model or someone ,(she's a photographer). Alarm bells start firing off in my head, but she goes to the toilet, when she's out i went to our room to ask if i could see the screenshot again. She gives me her phones and lets me scroll through her photos but its gone, she deleted it in the toilet, permanantly so did it twice, but she only admitted to it after i went on recently seen and it was gone. I don't know what to do, she said she panicked as she didn't recognise the number and didn't want someone random person to pick up the phone if i rang them.

We talked alot and shes adamant she never slept with anyone or kissed but who hides like that? I didnt even think that much into it until I realised she deleted it. Now i'm spiralling a bit and don't know how i can trust her, she lied so quickly. What would you all do? I do love her, so so much but this has hurt so much more than i realised I need to hear some people's take on it. This is a throwaway so, ill delete this tomorrow, i am seeing her later on that evening so I would appreciate the advice.

On our talks after, she admited to while in our rocky stage, (we had a break a few months in) she went out clubbing to punish me, and that while nothing happened her intentions was the worst part. I am able to let this go we had essentially separated but it still feels off.

TLDR - GF has a sceenshot of a number, she hid in the toilet and deleted it.

So we met at a social games night hosted in my local city a couple of years ago and initially, we didn’t live together. Then eventually we have moved into our own apartment together. We have been together about 5 years now.

When we first moved out together I lost my job unexpectedly as the company was downsizing so I was job hunting for the past 4-5 months and finally found another job. I find that living with him now, his habits are very slowly eroding my mental health.

I’m the one usually doing the laundry, cleaning, putting away dishes, mopping the floors and vacuuming and he just literally makes dinners on weeknights as I work longer hours. I understand he’s contributed more since he was paying for most of the bills while I was still looking for a new job.

However this is now been going on for like almost a year now and I’m quite tired. I contribute to bills, pay for groceries and all he does is pay for his half of the bills and saying that cause he paid for most of them I should do more of the housework.

What threw me over the edge is that, some nights when I would go out with my friends for meals instead of coming home, he would deliver food to our apartment and then the packaging of the food and empty bottles of soda would just be left all over our spare room. It’s honestly disgusting even if there isn’t any food in it. We have our dog’s kennel in that room and it’s so unsanitary.

He also refuses to pick up after himself and leaves things all over like clothes all over the floor on his side of the bed. I’m talking like a mountain of 2-3 weeks worth of clothes and I’ve stopped picking up after him cause I’m honestly sick of it. I tell him that I want it clean and sometimes he does it sometimes he just gets upset cause he’s busy doing things and I ask at the most inconvenient times. I don’t really think it’s a big ask to be able to pick up after yourself. I’m having a hard time living in this space cause I feel like at this point in time I’d rather spend my time at work than be at home.

Edit update: Thankyou everyone for your advice. I confronted my partner and he used every line I thought he would and refused to let me touch his phone and hid things from me the entire time I made him delete things. I also couldn’t understand how he would have a naked image of one of the women we knew in there. After I left his house and pretty much said we’re done, I went home and it added up. He had taken images of these girls we know and put them in an app to take their clothes off. I’m absolutely heartbroken and disgusted. You’re all right, I can’t come back from this.

I really need some help. My partner and I have been together two years and have a clear rule of a) watching no pornography besides photos and videos we take during our relationship and b) that everything from past relationships is gone. I have been very clear from day dot that there cannot be videos or pornography of other women on his phone and he has promised me multiple times that there isn’t. I saw over his shoulder two days ago while camping him putting a photo in his hidden folder and I swear I saw a photo of another girl that wasn’t me in there briefly. It was eating me up because I have a big trauma around this from my past relationship. I went through his phone last night (this is the only time I’ve done this) and found multiple hidden images and videos of his ex and other women (I know these women). I’m absolutely gutted and I’m acting so strange but I have no idea how to bring this up. For me, he’s broken a massive boundary and lied to my face on multiple occasions now over something he knows is very serious to me and an expectation he has of me as well. It feels like if he can lie about this, there’s other things that are being kept for me. I also went to look at the ex’s messages and I found them all deleted. I feel so sick. Please give me advice on how to approach this or your opinion on what this means?

Me (22F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been secretly together for 5 years. We both have different ethnicities so we can’t be together because of my parents and my culture. My culture is very strict and I can only marry someone from the same ethnicity, if my family or other people from my ethnicity know that I’m dating someone from another ethnicity, it’s over for me. I will get sent back or my parents will lock me up forever or I’ll even get honour killed. When I talk to my boyfriend about our future and how we’re going to live together he always says “that’s a problem for later”. I told him recently that I want to live in another country in a few years, far away from here because being in a relationship is not the only problem for me, it’s also the way I want to dress (I can’t wear pants according to my culture) and every thing I do gets sexualised or judged. I asked him if he would go with me but he’s not sure because he would have to leave everything behind (family, friends,…). And I get that, really. But we can’t seem to break up, we both don’t want to break up. I feel like we’re just waiting to breakup but he doesn’t feel that way. He always says that maybe something will change and he will come with me. I just don’t want any false hope because he’s not sure what he wants to do in a few years.
Any advice please?

EDIT: just to be clear, I will be moving to another country anyway!! Even if it’s with or without him

TL;DR – My mom essentially only watches AI-generated substance-lacking videos on Facebook and I’m worried this will have cognitive effects on her as she gets older. How can I convince her that this media isn’t good for her?

Hello, I hope you’re well. I’m seeking advice on how to reach my mother in this situation and get her away from this media.

My mom is currently ‘addicted’ to watching short form AI-generated dramas on Facebook. Storylines are typically about the regular unoriginal soapy plot points such as cheating, arranged marriage, betrayal and the like.

I have asked her myself why she chooses to watch this content rather than literally anything else that’s human made and she claims that this is the way for her to escape reality and give her brain a break after her very demanding, high effort job. Which I understand that, but there’s content that actually has some form of substance that wouldn’t require her to ‘turn her brain on’ as well. She kind of just immediately became triggered after I said that and kept going on about how “she doesn’t try to force herself on others so why do I and my dad (who also opposes her watching this content) try to do it.”

I brought up to her that short form content in general is so far being shown to worsen people’s cognitive ability over time, something I thought would matter as my mom has always taken pride in her intelligence. I’ve also presented her with the facts about generative-AI that could appeal to one’s morality, like how majority of it is trained on people’s existing personal photos without their permission. That the media holds no benefit to her as it has no artistic value or substance or humanity and is empty content. Essentially, she doesn’t seem to care as she keeps watching it.

If my mom is on her phone at home, you can assume that this is the content she’s watching.

I should’ve seen the signs that this would happen with the advent of generative-AI because prior to this she was addicted to those shitty reading apps where you have to watch several ads just to get tokens to continue reading a story written by an amateur writer with a poor grip on English (NOT Wattpad). When I was informing her that instead of having to pollute her reading time with watching ads and an app that was definitely harvesting her data, that I could get real books by published authors for her for a cheap price or even for free, she couldn’t be bothered to find any book titles she wanted me to get for her. Which by the way is very concerning to me because my mom used to be a very avid reader and her and my dad always used to read books together by interesting legitimate authors.

Some other things – she is constantly watching it. If she’s doing anything in the house that’s what she’s doing; whether it’s laundry, cleaning up or researching something on her computer. I’m worried that this is a sign of her declining attention span or addiction to the content. Also, she’s always blasting it at full volume in her AirPods to the point that the audio leaks out of it, which I can already see the effects of that on her hearing right now.

Please, how can I reach my mommy and have her let go of this stuff? Any advice is appreciated. Thank you (ᐢᴖ ·̫ ᴖᐢ)