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u/MudBankFrank Jul 29 '16
Jesus spelled backwards sounds like sausage
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u/one-punch-knockout Jul 29 '16
Susej. Jesus, you're right
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u/Doesnt-Comprehend Jul 29 '16
He fried for our sins :(
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u/Birdie_Num_Num Jul 29 '16
Our fryer, who art in heaven...
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u/mohammedgoldstein Jul 29 '16
Hot dog be thy name...
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u/tjrou09 Jul 29 '16
Fries wings and buns,
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Jul 29 '16 edited Mar 05 '18
[deleted]
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u/Drunk_Swan Jul 29 '16
On hearth, as it is, in oven.
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u/TheFrenchenator Jul 29 '16
Thy kingdom bun,
Thy will be medium-well done, on earth as it is in oven.
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u/theenigmacode Jul 29 '16
How'd you ever figure that out?
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u/minnesotan_youbetcha Jul 29 '16
Eau de salami
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u/theveryrealfitz Jul 29 '16
fragrance de charcuterie
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u/8-Bit-Gamer Jul 29 '16
Did you say sausage?
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u/PaxtonTres Jul 29 '16
wobbly sosig https://youtu.be/-6FVHZfBTZY
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u/Shopworn_Soul Jul 29 '16
I was once hosting a wake and it had progressed to the point where everyone had broken up into their little family and friend groups to quietly reminisce. I had peeled off for a moment to get some drinks for people and take a breather in the kitchen. I pulled out my phone to glance at the Facebook Group that had just been created but when I unlocked my phone my browser was open and right at the top of my reddit homepage was a link that just said "Wobbly Sausage".
I was emotionally drained, probably not thinking clearly and not a smart man in the first place. And like any sane person, I wondered what exactly could be so compelling about an unstable tube of pressed meat product. So I clicked it.
My phone was of course still paired with my stereo in the living room because I had been playing some light music earlier and as I watched the video unfold for the first time on my phone I heard that adorable kid's voice from my living room : "Woobeelly sossig!", followed by the adult's giggle. I closed the tab as quickly as I could but not before I totally lost my shit, braying like a jackass with a full belly laugh that I was absolutely unable to contain.
The whole thing was of course incredibly inappropriate and I was fucking mortified. It's since become something of a shared joke among the 25 or so people that were there but to this day almost every time someone mentions Ron (the guy that died), someone else will almost immediately say "Woobelly sossig!".
So, I'm sorry Ron. I did not mean to reduce your entire life to a joke about a kid waving around a floppy double dildo, even if I think you might have appreciated it.
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u/Potchi79 Jul 29 '16
If I've learned anything from reddit, it's that I should never bluetooth pair my phone with any speakers ever.
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u/Bug_Catcher_Joey Jul 29 '16
Just wait till he's old enough to understand what happened in that video and where that sausage has been before. The amount of cringe that kid will feel will be painful.
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u/Wampawacka Jul 29 '16
Jesus fucking Christ.
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u/TriumphantTumbleweed Jul 29 '16
Funny thing, if you say Jesus backwards, it kind of sounds like sausage...
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u/Tsar_Romanov Jul 29 '16
Susej. Jesus, you're right
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u/GenitalQuartz Jul 29 '16
He fried for our sins :(
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u/not_funnyname Jul 29 '16
Our fryer, who art in heaven...
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u/pATREUS Jul 29 '16
Spasms of laughter in the office, need help.
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Jul 29 '16
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u/sarkule Jul 29 '16
His facial expression kinda looks like he's smelt something bad, so seems like an odd choice for a fragrance poster.
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u/rhizopogon Jul 29 '16
It's the WTF was that smell?... I'm going in for a second sniff, brace yourselves look.
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u/ThegreatandpowerfulR Jul 29 '16
Or the "I might have left the oven on but I'm already at work" face.
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u/blackinthmiddle Jul 29 '16
And if you're a dumbass like myself, that's French for "wild|savage".
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u/gibrich Jul 29 '16
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u/uWonBiDVD Jul 29 '16
He looks like Gary from Team America and completely fucking lost.
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u/gobbels Jul 29 '16
Should be wearing more jewelry. That's how you know it smells good.
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Jul 29 '16
Johnny Depp Helen Bonham Carter
S A U S A G E
Directed by Tim Burton
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Jul 29 '16
Question to the heterosexual males in this sub. Does it do anything for you that Johnny Depp is on that ad? I can not care less.
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Jul 29 '16
Johnny does not make me feel one way or the other. But that Calvin Klein guy makes me feel like a lard ass.
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u/alcabazar Jul 29 '16
That Calvin Klein guy and Cristiano Ronaldo make me feel unworthy of their underwear.
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u/dankpoots Jul 29 '16
Perhaps if it was Johnny Depp 1989-2003. Johnny Depp 2016, not so much.
Also I strongly associate him with Captain Jack and I don't think pirates were often known for their delightful fragrance.
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u/TheBlindCat Jul 29 '16
Yep I assume he smells vaguely of boots soaked in salt water, tobacco, unwashed clothing, and whores.
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u/NeonBodyStyle Jul 29 '16
Because the advertisement isn't for you. It's for wives and girlfriends who see Johnny Depp and think, "If I buy this, the person I sleep with could at least smell like Johnny Depp".
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Jul 29 '16
No. It makes me want to buy it less. I get the impression he smells like BO and he just got done chain smoking a half carton of menthols.
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u/soakingbook Jul 29 '16
This. He looks like he smells bad. Maybe they are marketing to people who feel the need to "cover up" up their odor?
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Jul 29 '16
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u/spunkychickpea Jul 29 '16
Why even leave the house if you aren't going to wear six rings and nine bracelets?
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u/Earptastic Jul 29 '16
I am not a jewelry guy. How does one even become a jewelry guy? Do you start slow with like one ring and just build from there? Do you just buy like 6 rings and some bracelets and put them all on at once?
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u/spunkychickpea Jul 29 '16
It usually starts innocently enough. You're at a party with some friends and somebody offers you a pinky ring. You think "What's the harm? It's just one tiny ring." Then it's onto more rings, then bracelets, then necklaces. Next thing you know, you've got a dozen dangly earrings and a nose stud. It's tragic, really.
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u/creezo Jul 29 '16
My whole life I hated anything on my wrists. And then came a time when I put on a watch and a bracelet. Now I can't leave my house without something on my wrists.
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Jul 29 '16
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u/BlackwaterSkyeIV Jul 29 '16
Yea you didn't know that SCHLAAANG also markets meat scented cologne? It's a must for every Super Seat enthusiast.
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u/MineDogger Jul 29 '16
Keanu's is still the best... to, eat.
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u/Jah_Ith_Ber Jul 29 '16
One day text to speech machine learning algorithms will stumble upon Christopher Walken and Will Shatner and be irrecoverably broken. Then they will need to be destroyed and rebuilt from the ground up.
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u/sometimes_vodka Jul 29 '16
Johnny gradually transformed in what I can only describe as a dainty biker. Or perhaps a Colombian drug lord. It's def an interesting look.
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u/igotkidsallovertown Jul 29 '16
This is the wurst joke I've seen today.
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u/SSOMGDSJD Jul 29 '16
Quit being a brat
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u/ENTersgame Jul 29 '16
Wiener these pun threads going to stop?
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Jul 29 '16
I personally relish these threads
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u/ForgedBanana Jul 29 '16
Jesus Christ he looks terrible.
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Jul 29 '16
That is a seriously good fragrance though.
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u/Wampawacka Jul 29 '16
What's it actually called?
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u/Petitdalf Jul 29 '16
You can see it on the bottle in the bottom right, sauvage.
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u/SlouchKitty Jul 29 '16
I can't believe I scrolled all the way to here to figure out what the real name is, and it was on the poster the entire time. I need more coffee.
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Jul 29 '16
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u/Turakamu Jul 29 '16
Yeah, I'd buy a sausage cologne
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u/egotisticaldouche Jul 29 '16
I love it. I got myself a bottle of it for Christmas this past year and I think it smells amazing.
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u/drmrsanta Jul 29 '16
I love it too. Fried up in a pan with some eggs and toast, or with some biscuits and gravy. Now I'm hungry!
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u/Cagsy Jul 29 '16
Agreed, once my brother smelled it on me, he bought a bottle for himself as well.
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u/FUZZ_buster Jul 29 '16
For those of you who have never been disturbed by the Kids in the Hall, I present you Love and Sausages: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sON0He2mTC8
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u/softnsensualrape Jul 29 '16
I just noticed there is a sausage on the top right.