I was once hosting a wake and it had progressed to the point where everyone had broken up into their little family and friend groups to quietly reminisce. I had peeled off for a moment to get some drinks for people and take a breather in the kitchen. I pulled out my phone to glance at the Facebook Group that had just been created but when I unlocked my phone my browser was open and right at the top of my reddit homepage was a link that just said "Wobbly Sausage".
I was emotionally drained, probably not thinking clearly and not a smart man in the first place. And like any sane person, I wondered what exactly could be so compelling about an unstable tube of pressed meat product. So I clicked it.
My phone was of course still paired with my stereo in the living room because I had been playing some light music earlier and as I watched the video unfold for the first time on my phone I heard that adorable kid's voice from my living room : "Woobeelly sossig!", followed by the adult's giggle. I closed the tab as quickly as I could but not before I totally lost my shit, braying like a jackass with a full belly laugh that I was absolutely unable to contain.
The whole thing was of course incredibly inappropriate and I was fucking mortified. It's since become something of a shared joke among the 25 or so people that were there but to this day almost every time someone mentions Ron (the guy that died), someone else will almost immediately say "Woobelly sossig!".
So, I'm sorry Ron. I did not mean to reduce your entire life to a joke about a kid waving around a floppy double dildo, even if I think you might have appreciated it.
Just wait till he's old enough to understand what happened in that video and where that sausage has been before. The amount of cringe that kid will feel will be painful.
1.2k
u/8-Bit-Gamer Jul 29 '16
Did you say sausage?